Path of Shaded Light
by Diamond-Raven
Summary: A cont. of 'Path of Glittering Darkness'. Severus Snape returns to the DE as a spy while trying to balance his two lives and his conflicting obligations, until that fateful night comes that doesn't only end the war. Part 2 of 3. NOT SLASH
1. Chapter 1

Path of Shaded Light 

Chapter 1

Disclaimer: All characters and references to Harry Potter belong to J.K. Rowling who created the magical and wonderful world we fanfic writers all love to play in.

Author: Diamond-Raven

Story Rating: R (violence, non-graphic rape, non-graphic sexual situations, torture, drug use, swearing etc.)

Summary: Severus Snape's long journey from an abusive and horrific childhood to Hogwarts,Voldemort and finally, the Order and how he finally found the light in a lifetime of darkness.

**Note**: This is a continuation of '_Path of Glittering Darkness_' which must be read before reading this part or else nothing will make sense. Unfortunately, I have too much ground to cover without going back to explain the importance of certain characters and hinting about past events. I want to thank every single person who took the time to read '_Glittering Darkness_' and especially those people who left reviews! You're the reason I keep writing and the reason my muse keeps supplying me with strange ideas. I'm sorry this is so late but this next part has taken considerable planning and real life has also been interfering. I'll try to not let it happen again.

'Every human being on this Earth is born with a tragedy, and it isn't original sin. He's born with the tragedy that he has to grow up. A lot of people don't have the courage to do it.'

                                                                        - Helen Hayes

July 29th, 1979

The Dark Manor

His footsteps echoed loudly on the black marble floor as he neared master's chamber. The closer he got to the black doors, the slower his steps became until eventually he stopped, fear clutching him.

"_Bird, I can't do this_." He clenched his teeth, shaking from fear. He was a traitor. A filthy, lying traitor. He had betrayed master and now, he would help destroy him. He couldn't do this. It was too big, too scary and too wrong.

A relieved sigh echoed in his mind. "_Finally, you've come to your senses. Alright, not a problem. Let's just go back down and get Xira and leave this dreadful place. The faster we're back at Hogwarts, the better_."

Nodding, Severus took a relieved breath and turned around, only to find his elf standing there, his arms crossed, staring at him.

His elf didn't dare say anything, knowing that anybody might overhear them, but the look he was giving his young master spoke for itself.

He might be a traitor, but if he turned back now, he would be a coward too.

He stared at his elf. He had been many things in his short life, but he had never truly been a coward. A delusioned, stupid fool, yes, but not a coward.

The serpent within him hissed softly in defiance. He slowly unclenched his jaw, drawing strength from his old elf's steady gaze. He couldn't turn back now. The headmaster and Evans depended on him. He had to do this.

Making up his mind, he turned back around.

"_What are you doing? Aren't the stables in the other direction? Severus? Are you listening to me_?"

"_We're not running away, bird. We have to do this_."

Ignoring the frustrated sighs and predictions of doom echoing in his mind, he slowly took another step towards the doors, the mark pulsing in contentment at being back where it belonged.

He felt his elf's hand reach his own and squeeze it gently before the old elf turned and walked down to his room.

Taking a deep breath, he straightened up and made sure his cloak and mask were on properly.

Just before he took another step towards the door, he swore he saw a small, misty figure standing against the wall behind him.

Spinning around, he saw the little girl, her arms crossed and an eyebrow raised as she stared at him.

He gave her a small nod, and for the first time in months, she smiled at him. When he blinked, she was gone and he didn't question her presence. He had more important matters to deal with now.

Carefully putting his mind into order and making Fawkes swear to remain quiet, he took one last deep breath and walked through the doors, which quietly swung open before him.

There was no going back now.

Although that thought terrified him, he knew deep down that this was the right thing to do.

As soon as he was through the black doors, he immediately prostrated himself and waited.

He sensed master sitting in his chair before a roaring green fire and a shiver of happiness went through him. Master was here.

He didn't have to wait long. His master immediately glanced up and sent his book flying back to its shelf. Steepling his long, pale fingers, he smiled.

"Come here, Severus," he said quietly.

He nearly shook from happiness as he crawled closer to his master and lay at his feet.

Lord Voldemort reached down and lifted his chin with a finger and smiled at him.

"I have missed my serpent dearly. Yes, my raven has kept me entertained but I have missed my serpent. Have you missed your master?"

Severus nodded, remembering the aching sense of longing he had felt whenever he had thought of master. He couldn't help the content smile which flickered across his face as he gazed up at him.

Lord Voldemort gently pushed his hood off and pulled his mask off his face and caressed his cheek with a finger.

"So, my serpent is feeling better now? No more drugs?"

Severus shook his head. "No, master. No more."

"Good, good. I have always said those dreadful crystals aren't good for you, haven't I?"

For one tiny moment, anger flared up within him at the blatant lie, a lie which had nearly killed him, but he quickly suppressed that anger and nodded dumbly, keeping a love stricken smile on his face.

Thankfully his master didn't notice the anger but simply stared at Severus, running a finger along the edge of his collar.

Severus carefully kept his mind full of memories of missing master and made sure the only emotion running through him was his relief at being back with him and his love for him. Since none of these were a lie, they weren't difficult to convey.

He felt a small glimmer of disgust within him and he was momentarily confused before he realized it was Fawkes' disgust at the lying, manipulative sadist sitting before him but he suppressed it, reminding himself to berate the bird for daring to interfere. If master ever detected Fawkes' presence, it would all be over.

Severus patiently waited as his master stroked his collar and occupied his mind with thoughts nobody could ever guess at, before he finally sighed and then demanded to know what he had learned over the past months.

Speaking slowly and being careful to keep a proud smile on his face, he launched into the speech he had rehearsed and practiced with the headmaster a dozen times. He told him that the headmaster trusted him and truly believed him to have renounced his master—to which he allowed a flare of anger and disgust to surface which was only partially faked—and that he had taken Severus into his confidences. Severus quietly explained how the headmaster trusted the ministry's ability to counter any threat his master might pose and that his main concern was keeping his students from becoming recruits. His master laughed at this and said that he had suspected as much. Then he went off into a long tirade about the old fool's blindness and stupidity and Severus carefully kept nodding and smiling and suppressed the rage he felt within him.

Then Severus quietly explained how the headmaster was trying to gather allies to him and the ministry, but that he had only started a few days ago and the plans were still mainly undecided and consisted of random goals thrown together from foolish dreams. This caught his master's attention just as Severus had hoped it would. Severus kept smiling and feeling proud at this piece of useless and false information and waited while his master mulled it over and then declared that Severus would have to return to the headmaster soon to keep updated on the situation. Then he was instructed to find out who the headmaster's potential allies are and what he was offering them so that his master could steal them from under the old fool's nose.

Severus nodded eagerly, a glimmer of satisfaction glowing in his eyes.

"Master is brilliant," he whispered.

Lord Voldemort smiled and nodded before he suddenly straightened and rage flooded him.

"Did my serpent ever dare doubt this?" he snarled, his wand already half way out of his sleeve.

Fear flooded him and Severus immediately shook his head. "No, my Lord, no, never. I swear."

"I heard a trace of surprise in that statement, is that not true?"

"No, master. I swear to you!" he babbled, fear nearly making him sob now. He knew what was coming. He knew that he might as well keep his mouth shut since the end result would be the same.

His master's gaze narrowed dangerously. "You mean to say that I was wrong about what I heard?"

Severus opened his mouth to agree or disagree—it really didn't matter which one—but the wand was already pointed at him and he was hit by a cascade of burning pain as he writhed on the floor, the pain digging into him and seeping through his skin.

He bit his lip hard to keep from screaming and he felt sweat pouring down his face. He couldn't tell if it hurt more than withdrawal had. At that thought, he remembered his precious crystals and nearly cried harder. He wanted his crystals! Merlin, he wanted his crystals!

He could nearly taste the beautiful green flames as pain overwhelmed him.

Suddenly, the burning vanished and dull throbbing was left vibrating through his body as he lay on the floor, his head aching.

"I'm sorry, master, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," the whispered rant came pouring out of his mouth before he even realized it.

Lord Voldemort sighed and waved a hand to silence him. "Yes, I know, my precious serpent. You are sorry, aren't you? Well, you should be. You were dreadfully rude to me and you hurt your master's feelings greatly. But my serpent didn't want this, did he?"

Severus quickly shook his head, tears still streaming down his face.

"Of course I understand, Severus. You have missed your master terribly and you have had to put up with that senile old waste for so many days."

Severus nodded, hoping that he was nodding to the right thing. He wanted his crystals. Damn, he wanted his crystals. The Banshees started wailing loudly. Carefully, he took a few deep breaths and calmed himself down. No crystals. No, no, no. Focusing, he forced the Banshees to shut up before turning his attention back to his master, who was still rambling about something.

He hadn't heard the last bit of what master had said, but when the doors to his bedroom swung open, he understood immediately.

Slowly, he crawled towards it, the black marble digging into his knees as he went. His master didn't follow him in right away and the doors shut behind him.

He stared at the large bed and the chains elegantly hanging on the wall beside the door. A feeling of revulsion ran through him. He was sick and tired of being master's whore. Sick and tired of having him use him whenever he felt like it. Damn, he wished he were Evans. Evans would laugh in master's face, spit at him and tell him to learn how to use his own hand properly.

But he couldn't do that. He wearily closed his eyes. He knew this was part of it. He knew that if he wanted to keep his cover, he would have to keep doing whatever master demanded of him.

"_Bird_?"

"_Yes_?" Came the hesitant, quiet response.

"_Fawkes, can you see everything I see? Can you hear it all_?"

"_Yes. I connected my mind to yours. I see, hear and feel everything you do_."

Severus nodded, having suspected as much. "_Alright, in that case, I want you out of my mind for now_."

"_What? But Albus told me to_—"

"_I don't want you to leave, bird. But I don't want you to see this. He never says anything important in this room anyway_."

"_Severus, I know what_—"

Tears of shame threatened to spill and he bit his lip. "_Please, Fawkes. I know that you know, but I don't want you to see. Please_," he pleaded.

He heard a weary sigh in his head. "_If you would let me, I could kill the bastard right now_."

"_You know you can't do that, bird. Too many things could go wrong. This is the way things have to be. We choose to play this game and now we have to play by its rules. And this is one of them. Please, just, just don't say anything anymore, okay_?"

Another weary sigh before felt the phoenix's presence receeding from his mind.

Clenching his teeth and refusing to think about what he was doing, he started to pull off his robes.

July 30th, 1979

The Dark Manor

Stumbling down the corridor, he wearily rubbed his temples. He was damn sore and tired and he wanted his crystals.

"_I know you're tired but get those thoughts out of your head right now_!" A scolding voice interupted the Banshees whining.

Severus grimaced. "_Shut up, bird_."

"_Tell them to shut up and then I'll do the same_."

He sighed and took a slow breath, forcing the Banshees to quiet down. They glared and hissed at him but settled down.

As he neared his room, he felt a shiver of contentment radiate up his arm and he couldn't help but smile as he glanced down at the black serpent and skull, whose eyes were pulsing a deep red.

At least his mark wasn't bothering him anymore.

He pushed open his door and his elf was immediately fussing over him, demanding to know if he was alright and what had happened.

In quiet Elfish, Severus whispered that everything had gone fine and that master didn't suspect a thing. His elf nodded and then gestured at his work table.

Images of the little girl lying tied to that table flooded his mind but he felt Fawkes pushing those thoughts aside for him.

"Master Dolohov sent person down yesterday night and delivered new list of potions. Gorgy started bases already. They all easy. Veritaserum, Sobriety Potions and other such things."

Nodding, Severus immediately headed towards the table, rolling up his sleeves and mind already going over what he needed.

As he stirred one of the cauldrons and carefully adjusted the flames beneath it, he felt a faint presence stirring within his mind.

"_Fawkes, quit it_."

"_That wasn't me. It's somebody else_."

Immediately, a smile lit up his face. Bella! He turned on his bond for the first time in more than a month and immediately, a voice screeched into his head.

"_Sevvie! You're back! Where are you_?"

"_In my room. Get over here_."

Thudding footsteps echoed outside his door before it was thrown open and a darkly robed figure threw herself at him, nearly making them both fall into the cauldron.

He grinned and gave her a tight hug.

"Oh, I've missed you, you crazy bitch," he said.

She pulled back and stared at him, her dull eyes lit up with a faint glimmer and she was grinning back at him.

"Not as much as I've missed you, Sevvie!" She threw her arms around him again and they nearly bumped into the table. Severus gently untangled her arms from around him.

"Bella, calm yourself. We'll both get into heaps of trouble if we knock over these cauldrons. Master wants them ready in two days."

Immediately, she sobered and tried smothering her grin as she turned around and fell into a nearby chair, black hair flying around her.

"Sevvie, you look much better now." She remarked.

He smiled as he started chopping rat tails and told his elf how much dragon blood to measure out.

"It's what somebody who's drug free looks like," he said, not able to help the hint of pride which crept into his voice.

She sat up straight and squealed. "You're clean? Clean clean?"

"Clean clean. Withdrawal was hell but I'm clean."

"No more crystals?"

"No more. I swear."

She was nodding as she twirled a strand of hair around her fingers. "I know the crystals were good for you, but you were always mean to them. It's better if you stay away from them."

Severus paused and frowned, trying to understand her and then shrugging it off.

"_What on earth is that supposed to mean_?"

"_Just drop it, bird. Ignore her_."

"_Is she utterly mad_?"

A surge of anger swept through him. "_Yes, she is and it isn't really her fault so leave it_!"

"_Fine, fine. Dropping it_."

He threw Bella a smile over his shoulder and Gorgon was nodding. "Miss Bella absolutely correct. Crystals and young master together were no good. No more."

Bella smiled, content in being right and stared at the wall while Severus and Gorgon quietly worked.

Suddenly, she sat up straight. "Oh, Sevvie! I nearly forgot! So much has been happening! You know initiation is in a few weeks, right?"

Severus frowned, adding a few pinches of ground nettles to the boiling cauldron. "I didn't miss it?"

Bella shook her head. "No. Master delayed it for a while. Some of the initiates he likes weren't ready yet and Dolohov doesn't have the potion ready yet. He's been working on it for weeks  but some of the ingredients were crap or something like that. I don't get it. Anyway, so initiation's delayed for a bit."

"_Can't you find a way to stop initiation all together_?"

Severus frowned, carefully keeping his face over the cauldron. "_What? Bird don't be stupid. What do you want us to do? Go up to master and say 'We don't think initiation shouldn't be happening and we think you should sent all the initiates home right now because we don't think it's good to keep stuffing your ranks of evil maniacs'? Yes, that will go over well_."

"_But_—"

"_But nothing, bird_!"

"_We're supposed to be spies here_!"

"_Yes, and we're supposed to live for more than a few days into our new jobs_!"

"_Well, do you have any suggestions_?"

"_Right now I am trying not to mess up my potion and listen to Bella, alright_?"

Irritated at the bird and at himself for not having considered doing something about initiation earlier, he shoved Fawkes' complaints out of his head and went back to listening to Bella.

"—but it turned out that master had wanted to see Rabastan and have Mulciber punished, not the other way around so Macnair and some others were in heaps of trouble. And anyway, you haven't seen any of the new initiates, have you?"

Making some noise, Severus didn't bother to point out that he had just gotten back yesterday and hadn't had the chance to meet anybody.

"Well, Rosier's younger sister is going to be initiated and my sister Nari—"

Severus frowned. "Lucius Malfoy's wife?"

"Yeah."

"I thought she was already initiated."

"No. She was always scared of the pain. She's such a wuss. But Dolohov promised to give her a numbing potion so she's finally going through with it."

Severus nodded, pretending to care. He had told the headmaster that Narcissa was already a Death Eater or was so deeply entrenched in the whole mess that it didn't really matter whether she had the mark to make it official or not.

Bella absentmindly rubbed at her mark and tugged at her hair. "Oh, and my cousin Regulus is going to be initiated with his friend Barty Crouch."

Gorgon frowned. "Barty Crouch who work in ministry?"

"No, no," Bella laughed, thinking this was hilarious. "His son." Abruptly she stopped laughing and leaned forward. "I don't like him," she said, her tone flat.

Severus raised an eyebrow and turned towards her. "Why not?"

She stared at him with wide eyes. "Master has been eyeing him."  
A shudder of jealousy and anger swept through him. Master wanted to replace him. Master didn't think he had been fulfilling his responsibilities well enough.

He clenched his jaw.

"Has he spoken of him?"

She shook her head. "No, but I've made sure to mention how much I miss you and he's always said he missed you too. But still, Barty seems really eager to step into your shoes."

"But we're bondmates, Bella. He can't just replace me."

She nodded. "He'd have to kill you to get the collars off us. But Sevvie, I don't want another mate! I don't want that stupid Crouch!" She looked close to tears.

Severus put down his stirring rod and crouched at her side. "Bella, listen to me. He knows that you wouldn't be happy with a new mate and he wouldn't only want Crouch. Unless—is there a female initiate he's been eyeing?"

Bella shook her head, tears leaking out of her eyes. "No."

He squeezed her hands. "In that case, we have nothing to worry about. Trust me. We just have to make sure to please master extra well from now on so he won't even think about Crouch."

Immediately, she stopped crying and nodded firmly.

Smiling at her, he leaned forward and gently kissed her on the cheek before turning back to his potion.

His elf was stirring another cauldron and was staring at him with blank eyes.

"What?" Severus demanded, knowing what was wrong but refusing to see it. Didn't his elf see how important this was and what a threat Crouch was?

"Nothing," his elf muttering, turning back to the table.

"_May I say something_?"

"_No. Now shut up and let me concentrate_."


	2. Chapter 2

Path of Shaded Light 

Chapter 2

'My spirit sleeping somewhere cold until you find it there and lead it back home. I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems, got to open my eyes to everything.'

                                                                        - 'Bring me to life' by Evanescence

Aug. 3rd, 1979

The Dark Manor

"_Can we please go back to Hogwarts now_?"

"_Bird, don't be ridiculous_."

"_I'm not being ridiculous. This place is dark and depressing and it smells_."

"_Fawkes, if you don't quit your complaining, I'm going to smash this little vial into pieces and you can lie broken on the floor for all eternity_."

"_But the floor is filthy as well_!"

Severus closed his eyes and forced himself to keep calm. Exploding into a temper tantrum in the middle of a deserted corridor wouldn't do. Not at all.

He felt a small headache starting up in the back of his skull and he winced. He didn't have time for this. Initiation was tonight and there were still a million things to prepare. He couldn't deal with the Banshees right now.

He wearily closed his eyes. He felt a small hand squeezing his own.

"It alright. Young master take deep breaths and ignore them."

"My head is going to split in half, elf."

"Only if young master lets it—" 

"Well, well, well. Look who's back."

Severus' eyes snapped open. Avery was standing right in front of him with Travers beside him, leaning against the wall. They were all staring at him with amused smiles.

"So, Dumbledore's whore decided to pull his mouth off the old man's cock long enough to come back for some of the Dark Lord's, huh?"

Anger flared up within him. He didn't have to take this. Evans certainly wouldn't. Thinking of his best friend, he felt the Banshees fueling on his anger and he tightened his grip around his wand in his sleeve.

He didn't have to take this. They had nothing he wanted now. He heard his elf hissing something rude in Elfish but he stepped in front of him. This was his problem.

"What? Nothing to say?"

"He's only used to opening his mouth when he's on his knees," another jeering voice piped up from behind him.

Severus glared at them all. "Fuck off and leave me alone," he hissed.

Travers raised an eyebrow. "Since when is such rudeness towards a master tolerated?"

"I only have to be respectful to Dolohov. I have nothing to do with you."

"Really? Well, you certainly had a lot to do with me a few weeks ago, or have we forgotten?"

As Avery laughed, Travers pulled a small bag out of his robe pocket.

Severus stared at it, seeing the shimmering, green crystals inside of it. His anger immediately vanished as the Banshees started wailing and his headache throbbed. He couldn't tear his gaze off the beautiful crystals, shining in the dim glow from the green torches lighting the dark hallway. He unconsciously licked his lips, his fingers shaking and his jaw dropping open. He couldn't move. He couldn't think.

His crystals. His beautiful crystals. They were so close! All he had to do was reach out and—

A high pitched voice was screaming at him from within his mind but the Banshees drowned it out. He didn't care what the voice was saying. All he cared about was his crystals.

He heard a low chuckle. "I thought not. So, what are you waiting for? You think they're for free or something?"

He took one slow step towards Travers, shaking hands reaching for the bag when it was snatched away.

He realized he was gasping for breath and he nearly started sobbing when he couldn't see them anymore.

"Greedy little whore, isn't he?" That voice behind him piped up. Jeering laughter echoed around him. "You know what to do, or have you forgotten how to lift up robes?"

"Maybe Dumbledore didn't bother putting anything on for the past month. That's why his memory's a bit rusty."

More laughter.

He hardly heard what they were saying. The Banshees screamed in his mind, and his body trembled with the desperate need for his crystals.

He felt a small hand on the back of his robes and turned slightly, sobbing as tears streamed down his face.

His elf stared up at him, slightly shaking his head. Severus sobbed as he looked at his elf.

Suddenly, shame flared up within him. No. He wouldn't do this. Not anymore. He might be master's whore but there was a purpose behind it now. But he wouldn't be their whore. Not anymore. Never again. He didn't want his crystals. He didn't want this whole mess starting again.

Sobbing, he took a sideways step and collapsed against the wall, shaking his head and muttering 'No' over and over again.

He heard the jeering laughter stopping and felt the figures stepping forward.

"I thought you said the slut never puts up a fuss."

"He usually doesn't. We'll just have to reteach him some manners."

Hands reached down and started grabbing at his robes, trying to pull them off him. He squirmed in their grasps, sobbing and trying to fight them off as his mind threatened to burst and his body appeared to belong to someone else.

Suddenly, he heard a voice letting out an Elfish oath and a loud voice demanding that they get their hands off him. He even heard a small yelp and felt one pair of hands releasing him. Moments later, he heard a scream and a dull thud. Recognizing his elf's scream, he frantically tried to see through the throng of hands and leering faces around him, squirming and sobbing at them not to hurt his elf.

Anger surged through him, fuelled on by the Banshees. They had dared to hurt his elf! Hissing now, his panic turned into rage as he spat at the hands on him and bit one. He tried freeing his hands so he could curse them, but moments later, he heard a scream of rage echoing down the corridor and a figure suddenly landed on him, nearly smothering him.

"He said no, you filthy bastards!" a woman's voice screamed.

He recognized Bella's voice and realized it was Bella who was crouching over him, shielding his body from the others.

"Get out of the way, slut. We've had plenty of you in the past few weeks."

When hands tried to tear her off him, Severus grabbed Bella's robes and refused to let go. She let out another scream and some of the figures surrounding them backed off, staring at Bella with a mixture of fascination and fear.

She crouched on him, rage sparking off her as she screamed at them and sent two of them hurling down the corridor.

Wands were suddenly pulled out and Bella snarled at them. Severus knew that they were outnumbered and he couldn't possibly aim from lying on the floor with Bella on him so he slowly straightened up, wiping the tears off his face.

He had forgotten all about his crystals and anger shook him as he spied the crumbled form of his elf lying half way down the hallway.

Pulling out his wand, he screamed the first curse that came into his mind and the hands on him were torn off and the bodies they belonged to were flung down the hallway, purple flames streaming from their eyes as they screamed and writhed on the floor, clutching their eyes.

Bella aimed another curse at Avery and he doubled up with a scream. Travers and the others quickly pulled out their wands and sent their own hexes flying. Bella and Severus tried deflecting them but there were too many and one of them caught Bella in the stomach. She let out a hiss of pain and nearly fell over, but she grit her teeth and pushed herself back up.

For a moment, none of them moved. They stood there, glaring at each other, wands pointed at each others faces, knowing it would turn ugly. All of them also knew that master would punish them for this, no matter who had started it.

Suddenly, Bella started screaming. Covering her ears with her hands, she crouched on the floor, screaming and screaming.

Travers stared at her as if she was some strange creature he had never seen but the others quickly scattered, running down the corridor before others arrived.

Only when they had all left did Bella stop screaming.

Calmly, she took her hands off her ears and turned to Severus with a satisfied smile on her face.

"Are you alright, Sevvie?"

He was still shaking and he ignored her question as he crawled over to Gorgon. He cradled the elf's small body in his arms and checked him over for injuries. He nearly started sobbing when he saw him lying so still, but suddenly, he felt an immense amount of healing energy streaming out of his hands and into the elf. He watched in amazement as Gorgon's body was nearly lifted up and a faint red glow swirled around him before the old elf slowly opened his eyes.

He stared at his hands in amazement before he realized it must have been Fawkes' healing powers being transmitted through him.

"_Fawkes, was that you_?"

"_Of course it's me! You think anybody is capable of such magic? Anyway, is he alright? I can't believe that dreadful confrontation! What rudeness! I don't believe it. They should all be severely reprimanded and perhaps You-Know-Who should have some restrictions about doing magic in the corridors_."

Severus grinned when he saw his elf blinking around himself groggily. "Gorgon, are you alright?"

His elf groaned and slowly sat up, rubbing his head. "Yes, yes. Gorgy alright. Young master alright?" Worried eyes immediately looked him over.

Severus nodded, trying to calm the shaking of his hands. "I'm fine. Bella helped me."

They both looked at Bella, who was humming to herself and inspecting the ends of her hair. When she realized they were staring, she smiled brightly.

"What?"

Severus smiled in gratitude. "Thank you, Bella. I couldn't have held them off on my own."

She scowled as her expression darkened. "They were hurting my Sevvie," she hissed, glaring down the empty corridor. "They won't do it again or I'll kill them."

At that moment, Severus felt a strong surge of an emotion streaming through him and he knew it was coming from Bella.

It took him a few moments until he determined what that emotion was. It was love.

He stared at her in shock for a moment before she turned and smiled at him, her eyes shimmering faintly.

He was too shocked to say anything but she just giggled and pushed herself off the floor. "Well, I'm off. Macnair has some new toys in his dungeon. He wants me to decide whether I like the blond or the red haired one better. I can't quite decide since I like them both. Maybe I can shave their heads and put a little of both hair colors on each one and then I can have both if…"

Her voice faded away as she slowly walked down the corridor, talking to herself.

Severus stared after her.

"Well, Gorgy very proud that young master finally stand up to them. They leave young master alone now if keep on being strong and saying no."

Severus sighed, tearing his gaze off Bella as she disappeared around a corner. "They'll be back, Gorgon and we both know it."

His elf clutched his hand. "Young master needs to stay strong and tough. Needs to show them that they not allowed to mess with him no more."

Severus bit his lip, uncertainty slowly creeping into his determination. "I don't know if I can, elf."

"Yes, young master can! Young master must learn to use own strengths."

"That's what the headmaster said before we left," Severus whispered in Elfish.

His elf nodded. "Headmaster is very wise man."

Pushing himself off the floor, Severus grit his teeth in determination. He could do this. Evans lived her whole life doing exactly what she pleased and not letting anybody else interfere. He wouldn't quite go that far, but this was a start. He didn't know whether this new found strength had always been lying dormant within him or if it had been the result of Evans' influence in his life, but he had an inkling that it was the latter.

Raising his chin, he yanked his robe straight and continued down the corridor, his elf holding onto his robe as he walked along behind him.


	3. Chapter 3

Path of Shaded Light 

Chapter 3

Author's Note: Once again, I apologize for the unusually long delay. This spying business—and Salazar Slytherin—are proving to be more difficult than I originally thought. My muse has been going haywire and spitting ideas at me left, right and center and I have some crazy ideas lined up. I hope you enjoy the next part and tell me what you think. As always, thank you all for the awesome feedback! I would thank everybody individually but I wanted to get this up as quickly as possible. Have fun reading! (Raven rushes back to start typing up chapter 5)

'You have to take whatever life gives you, but it's how you take it that makes the difference.'

- Brilliant Me (cough, cough)

Aug. 7th, 1979

The Dark Manor

"_Bird, how quickly can you get this to the headmaster_?"

"_Get what to the headmaster_?"

Severus sighed. "_Would you pay attention, you moronic animal? I've been spending the last two hours trying to transfigure this list of new potions into a believable tiny pebble so you can deliver it to the headmaster and you don't know what I'm talking about_?"

"_I'm sorry. I was listening to Gorgon's fascinating explanation on why Pyridine Ivy only grows once every century._?"

"_Bird, that is entirely beside the point. You're always the one going on and on about the fact that we have to do more 'spying' and here it is. Now, answer my question_."

"_What was it again_?"

Severus nearly slammed his fist onto his bedside table but his elf gave him a warning look. Gorgon had been spending the last two hours reading a long and boring book outloud as they sat on the bed with Severus pretending to be dozing while trying to transfigure the piece of parchment under his covers.

"_I asked how quickly you can get this rock to the headmaster_?" 

A horrified squawk resounded in his head. "_I am not bringing Albus anything. You think I'm going to just fly around by myself_?"

"_How else are we going to get this to him_?"

"_I don't know, but I'm staying right here in your head. We'll just have to find another way_."

Severus sighed. "_Bird, now is not the time to be a coward_."

"_I am not a coward. I am simply quite comfortable where I am and have no wish to move. Besides, I swore to Albus I would stay with you no matter what and he'll have my head on a platter if I leave to deliver something_."

"_Bird_—" His thoughts were interupted when he felt Bella trying to open their bond. "_Fawkes, quickly, hide somewhere. Bella wants to say something_."

Grumbling, the bird withdrew his presence from Severus' mind just enough so that Bella wouldn't be able to detect it. Moments later, Severus turned his bond on.

"_What is is, Bella_?"

"_Sevvie, I'm humming the most wonderful song. My precious toy loves it! He drools whenever I sing it! Do you want to hear it_?"

Severus repressed the urge to scream at her to leave him alone with such useless things, but didn't, like he never did. "_Yes, Bella. I would love to hear it_."

For the next few minutes, Severus patiently listened to Bella humming some long, monotonous song in her head, interupting it by giggling and sighing in contentment.

"_Alright, that's it. Did you like it_?"

"_Yes, I did. It's a very nice song, Bella. Try humming it to the wall. Perhaps it would enjoy it as much as I did_."

"_That's a great idea, Sevvie! You always have wonderful ideas. Let me try it_." Just as suddenly as she had come, she was gone from his mind and Fawkes was back.

"_Bird, as I was saying, we need to get this list to the headmaster. They're going to be trying them on Aurors in a few weeks and the ministry needs time to find the antidotes before they do_."

"_I absolutely agree that Albus must have it, but I'm not going to bring it to him. I absolutely refuse. Flying around in the dark all by myself_—"

"_You don't have to fly, you just have to apparate. It would take you three seconds_."

"_And you don't think Lord High and Mighty would detect my apparation_?"

That gave Severus pause. "_Alright, you have a point. You're still a coward, but you have a point_."

Gorgon quietly shifted over and leaned over, pretending to be squinting at the page.

"Does young master think we should get other potion lists as well?" He asked in barely audible Elfish as he let out a loud curse, rubbing his eyes as he squinted at the tiny print.

"What lists?" 

"The ones Master Dolohov gave to other assistants."

Severus bit his lip. He had a point. Although Severus had been given a large amount of the experimental potions to develop, he hadn't been the only one. Simpler potions had been given to other assistants with whom Severus had never spoken unless he'd gone to borrow some ingredient from them.

"_And how on earth are we supposed to get our hands on them_?" Fawkes demanded, echoing the thoughts in Severus' own mind.

"Fawkes is right, Gorgon. We can't just walk into Dolohov's room and start tearing it apart, looking for copies of the lists. What if we're caught? What on earth would we say?"

A shiver of fear ran down his spine just at the thought.

Gorgon shrugged and kept his eyes on the book. "I not knowing. Gorgy not knowing how to do this spying business anymore than young master, but if young master thinks about it, will find a way."

Severus lay back in bed, fiddling with the pebble in his hands. He started thinking it over, but every plan he came up with was shot down by his fear and Fawkes' protests that it was too dangerous and too scary. As he thought, his fingers started playing with the medallion lying on his chest, tracing the serpents on it.

Suddenly, he sat up, a hand tightening on it. "_Fawkes, I know someone we can ask_."

"_Who_?"

"_Mr. Slytherin_."

"_What? Oh, Merlin! The man is ruder than Avery. You won't be able to get a word of helpful advice out of him, mark my words_."

But Severus exchanged a glance with Gorgon, who was also staring at the medallion which he couldn't see. Maybe, just maybe the founder of Slytherin might be able to help them.

Pushing the covers off himself, he stood up and slowly held the medallion away from his chest. He didn't dare take it off, lest someone walk into the room at that moment and demand to know what kind of a neat toy it was.

He nervously cleared his throat, remembering the headmaster's words of advice when dealing with the long dead founder. "Uhm, excuse me? Mr. Slytherin? Uhm, I realize you might be…busy at the moment, or something, but I would really like to…uhm, ask you for some…uhm advice." He spoke as quietly as he could, quite aware of how bad this conversation would sound if somebody would overhear him.

Fawkes sighed. "_Could you possibly sound more unsure of yourself? Merlin_!"

At first, nothing happened. Then faint green light started swirling around the medallion and Severus nearly dropped it as it started become hot. Just when he was about to tear it off himself and declare that this was crazy, a whispy shape poured out of it and slowly started forming into a person.

While Gorgon frowned around the room, Severus stared in awe as the vapor expanded, forming a tall man. When he was fully formed, the man stared at Severus without a word, crossed his arms and cocked his eyebrow.

"Why in the name of all hells is my medallion around a child's neck?" Snarling and snorting in indignation, the ghost spun around, squinting around the room. "Where is Dumbledore? I am going to have a serious word with that man! Letting children play with my essence! Does he think these medallions are toys?!"

Severus' eyes had widened and he madly wanted to shush the ghost, knowing that at any moment somebody would come in and see him.

Salazar paused in his search for the headmaster when he saw the pale, terrified expression on Severus' face.

"Get that expression of your face, you insolent whelp. Afraid you'll be caught playing with fire, hmm? Who is your head of house? Not that ghastly waste of an existence Bodin? Oh, well. I'll still have a strong word with him!"

Severus shook his head. "No, sir." It came out as a faint whisper.

"Speak up, you imbecile!"

"I said, no, sir. I'm just afraid that, uhm, that the Dark Lord or one of his other Death Eaters will see you, sir."

If he was stunned, the Slytherin founder didn't show it. Instead, he narrowed his eyes and glared down at him. "So you not only play with things you are not supposed to be playing with, but now you are lying to me? Do you know who I am?" He roared, nearly throwing Severus into hysterics. Merlin, somebody would come knocking on his door any minute!

"Please, sir! I'm not lying. Please, look around yourself. You are obviously not in Hogwarts. Oh, Merlin. I thought the headmaster had filled you in on everything."

At these words, Salazar frowned and took another look around himself. "Well, this much is true. I'd know the Slytherin dormitories anywhere and these are definitely not them. So, explain yourself at once! Where have you taken me?"

"Sir, please, I beg of you to lower your voice. If I am caught with you then all hell will break loose," he pleaded, nearly sobbing from fright.

"You bet all hell will break loose! I will make sure Bodin has Filch arrange a suitable punishment for you as soon as you are back at school."

A loud sigh erupted in his mind. "_Didn't I tell you the man is impossible to deal with? Rude, arrogant, bigoted and a dreadful conversationalist. Severus, either tell him to go back to wherever he spends his time these days or else show him my vial_."

"_The vial? Will he know_?"

"_Oh, he'll know. He's not stupid, after all. He'll be able to sense my magical presence around it. That ought to make him shut up, although I wouldn't worry about his shouting. Nobody can hear him or see him except for yourself_."

"_Are you sure_?"

"_Positive. Gorgon is still staring around in confusion_."

Glancing at the confused frown on his elf's face, Severus felt an immense shower of relief run down his spine. Carefully reaching into his robe pocket, he pulled out the small vial filled with red, sparkling liquid.

"Uhm, sir? Fawkes said to show you this. He said it would—"

"Fawkes what?" Salazar spat, narrowing his eyes at him.

Severus licked his lips. "He uhm, said it, sir. He, he has a bond with me, you see."

"That spoiled, spineless nuisance of an animal has decided to waste his remaining bond with you?"

"Well, yes, sir," Severus stammered, trying to quell the outraged squawking and hisses of protests in his head.

"_I demand he apologize at once_!"

"_Bird, I don't think he's the type of person to apologize to anyone_."

"_Oh, Slytherins, I despise the lot of them. Except for you of course, Severus, but you're not really a Slytherin anyway so it doesn't matter_."

Althought that last remark had stung him a bit, Severus ignored it. Salazar was staring at him with one eyebrow still raised.

"So, you will explain to me in the shortest and clearest possible way where we are and why you have Albus' phoenix with you."

Trying to be as quiet and succinct as possible, Severus stammered through the new role the headmaster had given him, Gorgon and Fawkes and then quietly explained the dilemna they were currently facing.

"—because you see, sir, none of us know anything about this spying business so we thought we'd ask your opinion."

Salazar quietly stared at him for a long moment, before bursting out into laughter.

"You expect me to help you? You and this merry band of idiotic vermin expect my help? Please, you might as well run back to Hogwarts now or turn yourselves over to the aurors. I have never seen a more pathetic attempt at heroism than you. I don't know what Albus was thinking. Perhaps he just wanted to make you all feel useful or something. But the only thing I might do for you is to burn Godric's old hat when we get back to Hogwarts. Putting someone like you in Slytherin! Really! First they're letting mudbloods into the school in droves and allowing vermin like this—" He waved a dismissive hand at Gorgon. "—to run around in clear sight, and now they're putting snivelling cowards like yourself into my house! Unbelievable! Absolutely unbelievable."

Severus first instinct had been to agree with everything Salazar had to say and then to say he was terribly sorry but his mark was burning and he had to leave. But as the founder continued talking, he grew more and more agitated and angry. He could already picture Evans' face when he told her of how he had crawled away from the insults. She wouldn't stand for such things.

Slowly straightening, he clenched his jaw and narrowed his eyes. "I beg your pardon, sir, if your image of me isn't what you would like it to be, but I will demand that you keep Gorgon out of this discussion and if you would refrain from using that derogatory word for non pure-bloods while speaking to me."

Salazar raised his other eyebrow and stared at him. "Well, that's a little more like it. So you have a bit of backbone, huh?"

Severus gave him a short nod, aware that his courage was rapidly deserting him. "And if you think I'm not all a Slytherin is supposed to be, then you'd be right. I don't know how to be a Slytherin. I was never friends with any of them in school and the only Slytherins I know here are either crazy or they never speak to me either."

The founder of Slytherin slowly stared him up and down. "So, you want my help in becoming more of a Slytherin?"

"Uhm—"

"First of all, that terrible waste of a sound will not come out of your mouth ever again, do we understand?"

"Uhm, I mean, yes, sir. But, sir, I just need your help in getting into Dolohov's chambers and finding that list—"

"Well, let me tell you this. If you were a true Slytherin then such things wouldn't present a problem for you at all. What you need is to learn what it means to be a Slytherin. Now, pay attention. You need to get into somebody's chambers, correct?"

"Yes, sir."

"So, how would a Gryffindor approach this, hm? They would run down the corridor, branishing their wand and blast the door clear off its hinges. But this isn't the way Slytherins do things. We use this—" He pointed at his forehead. "—before we use this." He pointed at Severus' wand which was lying on his bed. "So, how would a Slytherin do this?"

"Put someone under imperio and make them do it?"

"Yes, but that could get complicated. What if this person fights off the curse? What if this person is caught? It is essential to always think things through as thoroughly as possible!" He bellowed, making Severus jump.

"Yes, Slytherins are cunning, smart and manipulative to an art, but what sets us apart from others is the fact that we always think things through so there are never any surprises. Surprises can get you killed and can wreck years of preparation in a moment. So, this is all I will tell you. Plan thoroughly and make sure there are no surprises."

Severus blinked when he stopped talking. "That's all sir? I was hoping for something more—"

Salazar laughed. "You think I would waste my breath going over the finer points of espionage with such a pathetic group of whining cowards? You will all be dead before the day is over and I refuse to waste more of my time speaking to you all."

Without another word, Salazar started spinning and turned into a cloud of mist again which was sucked back into the medallion on Severus' neck.

Severus stared at the spot the founder had been floating above moments before.

"_Didn't I tell you that speaking to the man is a waste of time? He is rude, overbearing, arrogant and utterly bigoted! Rowena would have been so much more help_!"

But Severus wasn't listening. Gorgon stared at him with wide eyes. "Would somebody tell Gorgy what just happened?"

Severus quietly mumbled to him what Salazar had told him. Gorgon blinked. "This it? Think things through and make sure no surprises? Oh, this great help. Great! We just march into Master Dolohov's chambers now."

Severus bit his lip. "No, Gorgon. You're wrong. It does help us. All we need is a plan. A good plan. A Slytherin plan. And then we'll pull this off and we'll wave those lists in Mr. Slytherin's face. He doesn't think we can do it, huh? He thinks we're all pathetic cowards? We'll show him. Come on, elf. Fawkes, are you thinking up there? Good. We need a plan and it needs to be damn good."

Unnoticed by any of them, the medallion on Severus' chest slightly glowed, the serpents eyes lighting up in a deep, emerald green. If one looked at it even closer, they would notice that one of the serpents appeared to be smirking.


	4. Chapter 4

Path of Shaded Light 

Chapter 4

'Little drops of water, little grains of sand, make the mighty ocean and the pleasant land. So the little minutes, humble though they be, make the mighty ages of eternity.'

- Julia Carney

Aug. 8th, 1979

The Dark Manor

Severus hurried down the corridor after two darkly robed figures who were quietly speaking to each other.

"Uh, Master Dolohov? If I could have a moment of your time, sir?" He called.

The potions master slowly turned around. "What do you want, Snape?"

"I'm terribly sorry, sir, but I need more muggle blood and dragon scales."

His eyes narrowed behind his mask. "I gave you all the ingredients you need."

Severus took a slow, deep breath and quickly thought up a valid excuse. He had to remain calm and not panic. "I added the Grullian Nettles too quickly and the blood completely congealed. It's useless, sir. I apologize. It was a stupid mistake."

Dolohov sighed with irritation. "Very well. Mulciber, go on ahead without me. I will catch up with you in a few minutes." He turned to Severus. "Get back to your chambers and I will have someone bring you more blood and scales, but this will not happen again."

"Of course not, sir." Bowing his head respectfully, Severus watched out of the corner of his eye as Dolohov swept down the corridor towards the masters chambers.

Severus allowed a small smirk to cross his face, safely hidden behind his mask.

x x x x x x

Gorgon slowly wandered down the corridor past Master Mulciber's chamber. Inspecting the floor, he bent down to scrub a tiny spot away with a wet rag. Muttering to himself about dirty floors, he hauled his bucket further down the hallway until he was just beside Master Dolohov's room.

Glancing down the hallway, he saw that it was empty. Knowing he needed more time, he accidently turned over his bucket of water. Muttering an oath, he bent over with his rag and started moping it up, wringing the sodden cloth into his bucket.

When he was nearly finished, he heard footsteps coming down the corridor. Keeping his head bent down as he scrubbed at the floor, he saw Master Dolohov's feet going up to his door.

"Castalian Newts," the Potions master muttered at his door and the door swung open.

Gorgon didn't lift his head until the water was all moped up. Smothering a grin, he picked up his bucket and cloth and slowly made his way back down the corridor towards his young master's room.

He couldn't believe it. Their plan was actually working.

x x x x x x

Trying to look like he knew exactly what he was doing, Severus strode towards the master chambers, keeping his head down and trying to silence Fawkes' hysterics.

"_Severus, this is insane. We can't do this. What if we're caught? This is crazy. We have some of the potions and the ministry will just have to make do with those. Are you listening to me? This is utterly insane_!"

"_Bird, either shut up or try to act a little less like the coward you are. You think I'm not scared? We have to do this, bird. We thought it all out and it'll work. We already have his password and even if he thinks somebody has been messing around in his room he'll never suspect me or Gorgon. Now be quiet. The important part is coming_."

"_Oh, we're going to die_!" Fawkes lamented.

It wasn't dying that Severus was worrying about but he forced himself to stop shaking and concentrate. That bloody headache was thudding in the back of his head again. This would be so much easier with his crystals. Immediately, his hands started trembling and he ruthlessly suppressed the Banshees before they could start. He needed to be calm and in control. He needed to be a Slytherin.

As he walked, he glanced at the little watch he had conjured up before leaving his room. Quarter past nine. All the masters were currently in master's chambers having a long and boring meeting. Severus was never allowed to attend these but master always lamented and complained about things that hadn't been done correctly and things that still needed to be done when he would be with Severus and Bella later that evening so Severus would know all the important details anyway.

Crossing through the shimmering ward guarding the master's corridor, he quickly hurried to Dolohov's chambers.

He was nearly there. He was so close!

"Hey! You there! What on earth do you think you're doing here?" A woman's voice demanded from behind him.

Severus' heart jumped into his throat and his first instinct had been to run. But that would make him look guilty. And that was key. Not looking guilty, even if he was.

"_Aaah! Oh, Merlin! __We're done for now! We are utterly done for now! Why are you still standing there, Severus? Run, you fool! Quickly_!"

Slowly turning around and hissing at Fawkes to shut up, he bowed his head to the female master.

"I—I wanted to see master. I've missed him so terribly," he whined, in a perfect imitation of Bella.

The master snorted. "Filthy slut. Well, he's busy right now as you well know. You'll just have to sit in a corner and cry until he's finished. Now, get out of here."

Letting out a wail as if he was about to start sobbing, he started walking back down the corridor, sniffling and mumbling to himself. He had been around Bella enough to imitate insanity if he had to.

He waited until he heard the doors to master's chambers shutting with that quiet swish he was so familiar with before spinning around again, straightening and marching straight towards Dolohov's room. Not wasting a second, he whispered "Castalian Newts" at the door and slipped through when it opened a crack.

Shutting it behind him, he wanted nothing more than to slide down the back of the door, crying from sheer relief of having made it this far, but he grit his teeth. They still had a lot of work to do.

Quickly, he stared around the small office. Where would he have put the lists of new potions?

Striding across the room and ignoring Fawkes' wails that they were doomed, he carefully tugged on one of the drawers.

It didn't budge.

"Shit," he muttered. This was what Salazar had meant by surprises. Damn it! He hadn't counted on the drawers being locked! Alright, he couldn't panic. He needed to think. Think like a Slytherin.

"_You see? They're locked! There goes our plan! Alright, now lets get out of here quickly! Severus? Are you listening? I said, quickly_!"

Taking out his wand, Severus started muttering every counter-locking charm he knew, tapping the drawer each time. Nothing.

"Shit," he muttered again. Alright. He needed to think harder. Of course normal locking charms wouldn't work. Dolohov wanted these drawers to be kept locked unless he wanted them open. How would a potions master guard his drawers?

Feeling the surface of the drawer with his gloved hand, Severus didn't know what he was looking for, but paused when he felt the indent of a strange shape. Thinking it was just a scratch, he looked closer. Squinting through his mask, it took him only moments to determine what the shape was. It was a spider.

Spinning around, his mind working a mile a minute, he frantically searched the shelves contents behind him for a jar of spiders. Finding one, he took one out and pressed it into the carving in the drawer. Immediately, he heard a click and it opened.

Severus nearly laughed with relief. "_Oh, Merlin! It's open! Oh, good for you, Severus. That's using that Slytherin brain of yours. What am I saying? Put down that spider and let's go already_!"

Tearing open the drawer, he starting carefully rummaging through stacks of paper, looking for anything which might help them.

He thought he had perhaps opened the wrong drawer before the words 'progress reports' caught his eye. Grabbing a stack of papers, he skimmed it.

"_Fawkes, I got it! Look! It's everyone's progress reports_."

"_Aren't those those dreadfully long things you have to fill out once a week_?"

"_Yes, bird, but these are all of them. Quickly, bird, we have to make copies of them_."

"_Severus, what we have to do is run for it. Now_!"

Frantically pulling out his wand, Severus shook his head. "_Not yet, bird. Come on, help me, damn it! I can't copy things so quickly_!"

"_Oh, very well. Put that wand away. Now put your hands over each of the reports one by one_."

As soon as Severus touched them, he felt a wave of immense power flooding out of his fingers tips and an exact replica of the report he had touched materialized before him.

"_Fawkes, I knew there was a reason the headmaster made you come along_."

"_Are those footsteps?! Merlin! Be quiet and quickly hold your hand over the other ones_!"

When they were all copied, Severus shrunk them and stuck them into his gloves. Carefully putting everything back the way it was, he shut and locked the drawer and put the spider back into its jar.

Hurrying to the door, he was about to open it when he heard a voice mutter 'Castalian Newts' at it from the other side.

Eyes widening and his heart nearly stopping, Severus remained frozen for one moment before he realized he had to hide.

"_Oh, Merlin, now we're going to get it! Severus, pull out your wand, we might as well go out in a blaze of glory! What are you doing? We can't hide in his bedroom! Severus! Oh, we're going to get caught, I just know it. Oh, Merlin, we're going to die_!"

Severus dove under Dolohov's bed and curled up in the furthest corner just as the outside door opened. Hardly daring to breathe, Severus grit his teeth and forced himself not to tremble. He listened as Dolohov muttered to himself about misplacing something and rummaged around in his desk. Finally, he sighed with obvious relief and strode back out of his office, slamming the door behind him.

Severus slowly let out the breath he had been holding and waited for a few minutes until he was sure Dolohov was back in master's chamber.

Slowly crawling out from under the bed, he straightened up and crept up to the door. Listening hard, he quietly opened it and snuck out, forcing himself not to sprint down the corridor.

Only when he reached his room and shut the door did he nearly start sobbing with relief.

His elf nearly tackled him, demanding to know if he was alright.

"We're fine, elf. Fine. We ran into a few surprises, but it went fine. We have copies of all the progress reports. The ministry is going to have one hell of a day when they get these."

"_They better appreciate it after all that hard work! We nearly got ourselves killed, after all! If I hadn't managed to hold it together, just imagine what chaos would have erupted! Merlin_!"

Rolling his eyes at the phoenix muttering in his head, Severus didn't bother to correct the lies. He felt a small surge of satisfaction within him.

They had done it. They had gone behind Dolohov's back and had stolen from him and he was none the wiser.

Grinning, Severus glanced at his elf. "You know what, elf? I think this spying business isn't going to be so bad after all."

His elf smiled and they both ignored Fawkes declaration that as far as he was concerned, they were finished with 'this spying business' as of this moment.

Aug. 10th, 1979

Diagon Alley

Ignoring the noise and bustle of people rushing past him, shopping bags drifting along behind them and exasperated mothers summoning wayward children back to them with flicks of their wands, Severus shouldered his way through them, shifting the weight of his own shopping bags with an annoyed sigh. The bloody sun was giving him a thudding headache and he felt the Banshees starting to complain. The thought entered his mind that he could probably get some crystals in Knockturn Alley quite easily. He immediately shoved that thought out of his head. He needed to focus.

Reaching the alleyway, he checked the street sign.

"_It's the alley behind Kingston Lane, right_?"

"_Kingston? Yes, that's the one. Just hurry up about it! Merlin, if somebody should see us_!"

Strolling into the alley, he glanced around himself. A street cleaner slowly shuffled by, using his wand to minimize any trash lying around and sending into the small bag he had slung over his shoulder.

Making a big show of checking the contents of his bags and muttering to himself, Severus waited until the man had walked past him.

Straightening up, he carefully leaned against the wall before him, mentally counting the bricks. Fifteen to the left and five up. That was the one. Pulling out one of Fawkes' feathers, he pressed it into the crack running up the brick.

Immediately, the brick shimmered slightly and became a glassy red. Slipping the tiny pebbles out of his pocket, he slid them through the brick. Smirking in slight satisfaction, he withdrew the red feather and stuck it into his pocket, watching the brick turn back into a solid, dusty red.

Mission accomplished. The rest was up to Evans.

Sighing and muttering to himself about his bags being too heavy, he picked them back up and made his way out of the alleyway.

"_Oh, thank Merlin that's over with! Simply dreadful, all this sneaking around business! Now, what time did Lord High and Mighty expect you back_?"

"_Not for a few more hours, bird. I didn't expect to find everything at the apothecary as quickly as I did. Do you feel like an ice cream_?"

"_An ice cream?! Are you mad_?"

Severus rolled his eyes and ignored Fawkes protests as he made his way to Florean's Ice Cream Parlor, making a mental note to bring a small bit of chocolate ice cream back for Gorgon. It wasn't every day that master let him run around by himself for a few hours and it certainly wasn't every day that he successfully stabbed master in the back.

This definitely called for a little celebration.

Aug. 11th, 1979

Godric's Hollow

James listlessly went through the bundle of mail a group of owls had delivered a few minutes ago. Tossing them a bunch of owl treats, he threw aside a few bills and the Daily Prophet.

He glanced up when he saw one of owls ruffling its feathers, sending a shower of brown feathers flying around the kitchen. Glaring at it, he shook some feathers off the floo bill the owl had delivered.

"Kindly keep your feathers to yourself, or you'll be the one cleaning this kitchen. You have no idea how long it takes to mop it, even with magic," he muttered.

Lily came strolling into the kitchen, rubbing her wet hair with a towel. "Anything interesting in the mail?"

James sighed. "Bills, bills, bills, the paper, and more bills."

Lily rolled her eyes and gently smacked him over the back of the head. She frowned when she saw the feathers drifting around the floor. She froze.

"It was the owl's fault, not mine," James mumbled, scanning the headlines in the Daily Prophet.

Lily forced a scowl on her face and muttered something about rude owls, but her eyes were skimming the floor and the chair. It had to be here somewhere. The headmaster had been very firm about—there it was!

A tiny, bright red feather lay on the chair beside James. Excitement bubbling up within her, Lily casually reached over and brushed some feathers off the chair and grabbed the tiny red one.

Sighing about the mess, she turned away from the table. "James, I have to go to Diagon Alley. I have to pick up a few things before going in to work."

James grunted in response, not looking up from the sports section and the latest Quidditch results.

Clutching the feather and trying not to smirk, she hurried out of the house, not bothering to put on her cloak.

Sev had come through for them, like she knew he would. Her brilliant and sneaky friend had done it.

"Take that, Mister Red Eyes," she muttered to herself as she prepared to apparate directly to Kingston Lane.


	5. Chapter 5

Path of Shaded Light 

Chapter 5

Author's Note: Once again, I must apologize for the long delay. My sister and I have been wrestling with one of my muses for days now but we've managed to get it on to the right track. As an apology for the delay, the next two chapters are already typed up and will be up in a few days, I promise. As an important note, this chapter deals with some emotionally difficult issues and ideas stemming from the Holocaust. Nothing too graphic, but I do make use of some ideas and beliefs which came from the Nazi regime in Europe during and before the second world war. I mean no offense to anyone and if you don't like it, please tell me. As always, thank you for all the lovely feedback!

_CuriousDreamWeaver_ – Thank you! I like Salazar too and we'll be seeing more of him soon.

_Dalamis_ – Thank you for liking this story so much! I hope you keep enjoying it!

_Lady Shalott_ – Thank you for taking the time to review. I know some silent readers who never review and it means a lot to me that you took the time to drop me a few lines. I'm very glad you think Lily is realistically portrayed and that you like Gorgon and Fawkes. Yes, they're a very important part of his life and will continue to be. As for Sev being the bitter, snarky potions master we all know and love, we're still far from that, but don't worry, it's coming!

_Rosaleen_ – Sorry to keep you waiting for so long! Thank you for the kind words and I hope you enjoy the next part!

_Nemo Returning_ – I'm glad you liked Salazar as much as I did. He won't be an enormous part of this story, but he'll pop up from time to time. As to your question concerning Salazar's loyalty, he and Sev will have a discussion about it soon. Yes, he's loyal to Voldemort first and Hogwarts second, but he doesn't like the way his heir is going about his business, and I'll leave it at that.

_Hpfreakout_ – I'm glad you're liking part two as much as part one and I hope you continue to enjoy it!

_Snape coolgirl_ – Sorry to keep you waiting for longer than usual and I hope you like the next part.

_Patty_ – Everybody seems to like Salazar! I'm glad because I do too. To answer your questions, no, unfortunately Mr. Slytherin believed every word he said. Just as Nemo Returning pointed out, Salazar was thrown out of Hogwarts for his prejudiced views on purebloods and he did name his heir to be Mr. Riddle. However, he'll continue being part of the story and helping our Sev out, and yes, he'll be a major influence in making Sev into the man he is today. If you look closely, you can definitely see the personality similiarities between the two. As for the wards in the dark manor, they're mostly designed to keep the place from being detected by outsiders and keeping aurors out. Voldie is too confident and too self-absorbed to ever expect such old light magic such as Fawkes' powers and the medallion from occurring under his own nose, however, the magic isn't undetectable and that's why Sev will have to continue being careful. Thanks for the awesome questions and I hope you like the next part!

'The stars will cry the blackest tears tonight.'

- 'Anthem of our dying day' by Story of the Year

Aug. 15th, 1979

The Dark Manor 

Hurrying along the corridor towards the large room where initiation and special events were held, Severus adjusted his mask and pulled his cloak straight, wincing at the incessant burning of his arm.

He was rudely shoved aside as a hooded figure pushed past him, nearly making him fall sideways into Evan Rosier.

"_What rudeness! Who was that? Was that Avery? What a rude individual! Who does he think he is_?"

"_Fawkes, shut up now. We'll be with master in a few moments_."

"_Alright, alright. What exactly are we all rushing to_?"

"_I have no idea. Master said he was in the mood for some entertainment_."

"_Great. I do hope there aren't any plans of extinguishing the sun. I can just imagine that would make him giddy with joy—and what in the name of Merlin is Bellatrix doing_?"

Frowning, Severus pushed his way through people, muttering apologies. Where was Bella? He spotted her on the edge of the crowd surging down the corridor. She was tugging on a corpse lying on the ground, swearing and clearly exhausted. One of her feet was on the woman's body and she was tugging on a chain attached to the woman's neck.

"Bella, what are you doing?"

She glanced up, pushing strands of hair away from her mask. "I'm trying to bring her head with me. Master said we couldn't bring any toys because they take up too much room, but I wanted to take her head with me. I promised her that she could come along, so if I take her head, she'll at least be able to see everything."

He sighed, feeling a headache starting in the back of his skull. "Bella, I don't think you'll be able to tear her head off," he said loudly over the muttered oaths around him as people moved past them.

She pouted and immediately looked close to tears. "But I promised her!"

Realizing that they were blocking the corridor and people would start hurling hexes pretty soon, Severus reached over and took the chain from her. Knowing that arguing with her would take all day, he quickly levitated the corpse and tugged her along while grabbing Bella's wrist and pulling her beside him.

When they reached the doorway, he lowered the woman's corpse and left her sprawled out beside the door, wide eyes staring up at the ceiling and the tuffs of hair which remained on her head spilled over the floor.

"Alright, Bella, she'll be able to see everything from here." He wearily rubbed the mark on his arm, the burning having increased. Master was getting impatient.

Bella pouted for one moment before a brilliant smile lit her face up. Pointing her wand at the woman, she muttered a dark curse, and moments later, the woman's eyes tore out of her head and floated into Bella's outstretched hand. Grasping the bloody eyeballs, Bella smiled with satisfaction and stuck them into her pocket.

Leaning down, she pat the woman's sightless corpse. "There now, you'll be able to see everything."

Looking triumphant, she reached over, took Severus' hand and pulled him into the room, nearly skipping from excitement.

Moving through the crowd, Severus and Bella went to the front and glanced around, both of them starting to feel anxious about where their master was.

Severus rubbed his collar while he massaged his arm against his robes. What was keeping master?

The burning of the mark hadn't increased to the intensity which would announce master's presence in the room so he knew they had a few minutes still.

Bella was smiling and talking to the eyeballs clutched in her hands while Evan Rosier stared at her, looking like he was about to vomit.

Severus glanced around the room. Mulciber was in a corner, yelling at somebody to get her toys back into the dungeon before master arrived and Travers and Avery were standing in a group of others, loudly laughing about something while they rubbed their marks and tried to hide the way they peered at the door.

Barty Crouch was standing near the door, leaning against the wall, loudly talking to Rabastan Lestrange and Bella's cousin. What was his name? Regulus Black, that was it. Sirius' brother. Severus narrowed his eyes but couldn't summon up the appropriate hatred. Regulus was a quiet individual who kept to himself, much the way Evan Rosier did and just followed Crouch around everywhere. Severus hadn't had much interation with Crouch but he liked it that way. Barty was insanely jealous of Severus and Bella's positions where their master was concerned and never wasted an opportunity to glare and hiss insults at him. Bella always waved it off, claiming that it was just jealousy. Severus knew it was true and he couldn't believe what a pathetic person Crouch was. Bella and him had been paired against Crouch and Rabastan Lestrange a few days ago at their dueling session, and although it had been vicious, brutal and very close, he and Bella had won. Master had even laughed at Crouch, calling his attempts to block Bella's cruciatus 'pathetic'. Severus didn't want to admit it, but seeing the crestfallen look on Crouch's face filled him with satisfaction. Yes, he wasn't proud of what he did for his master, but he couldn't help but feel smug.

Crouch continued talking but paused when he glanced up and saw Severus looking at him. His eyes immediately narrowed and he looked like he was about to walk over and demand a rematch. Severus knew that master would despise the immaturity which a duel before an important event would present, but nevertheless, he raised his chin and smirked, feeling that smugness again. He didn't care if he was a whore, but Crouch was jealous of that fact, and that made him feel more important than ever.

He rolled his eyes at Crouch and turned his back on him, knowing it would infuriate him even more. Bella was glancing between Crouch and Severus, narrowing her eyes at Crouch.

"You see over there? That's stupid Crouch. He's jealous of Sevvie. Yes, he is," she cooed to the eyeballs in a baby voice, glaring at Crouch.

A few moments later, everyone hissed or jumped from shock as the burning on the arms increased. Clutching his hand and hissing at Bella to put the eyeballs away, Severus immediately hurried to master's throne standing on the podium and prostrated himself beside it. Bella hurried up beside him and lay down on the throne's other side.

The room became deathly silent as everyone hurried to lie down and shush their neighbors. They lay there, unmoving and silent until finally, the large doors opened and Lord Voldemort came striding in, moving briskly past the prostrated figures and to his throne.

Sighing in contentment, he elegantly sat down, smiling at the crowd below him.

"Welcome, my dark children. I do hope everyone has behaved themselves thus far, although I heard that Mulciber was having some difficulties with Weaver. No, don't start fidgeting Megan. I will deal with you later. I would not want our evening ruined with unpleasantries." Clasping his hands, he sighed once more and looked around himself, appearing to be in no hurry.

Leaning down, he snapped his fingers and Severus felt his head being lifted. He gazed up at his master, unable to quell that wave of adoration which overwhelmed him. At the same time, he was terrified that master would say something about the potions list, but Severus knew that he had left no evidence behind and that master would only become infuriated when the potions were tested on aurors and found to fail due to the antidotes having been brewed up beforehand.

"How is my serpent? Recovered from your successful duel?"

Severus couldn't help but smirk and nod eagerly. Master chuckled and then turned to Bella.

"Is that woman lying outside the door one of yours, my precious raven?"

Bella nodded eagerly, staring at up her master with wide eyes.

Master chuckled. "I thought as much."

Then master seemed to decide it was time to start whatever they had been called together for.

He snapped his fingers and Macnair and a few of his assistants hurried out of the room and returned moments later, a dozen stunned figures floating behind them. They brought them before the throne and master motioned for everyone to move back.

"Now, I know we have spent a few tiring weeks planning and preparing and doing such hard work, so I thought we should have a little fun. But fun at the expense of education is never acceptable, isn't that right?"

Severus immediately joined in the murmur of "Yes, my Lord." which drifted across the room. Lord Voldemort smiled. "Of course I'm right, my precious children. Now, as you will all notice, I have found six pairs of mudblood twins. I have been doing some reading on the second world war and become fascinated with some scientific experiments which were conducted during that time. It's time to test whether magic will have the effects on twins which medical experimentation was thought to have." He smiled down at the stunned children. "Lesser beings have always had the priviledge of providing those of us superior to them with knowledge which could only be gleened by their sacrifice. But this sacrifice they provide freely, knowing that our burden is a heavy one and can only be aided by knowledge. How else can we reign over this world as its rightful leaders if we are ignorant?"

Severus felt a wave of revulsion course through him but he quickly suppressed it. He knew exactly what master was talking about. He had spent weeks reading world war two documentations outloud to master, all of them dealing with the concentration camps and the experiments Dr. Mengele had conducted. Master had become fascinated with his experiments on twins and his ruthless and barbaric attempts at seeing the effect of torturing or maiming one twin would have on another.

Severus briefly closed his eyes, knowing what was coming. He couldn't bear to lift his head to look at the twins lying motionless on the floor. He knew that some of them wouldn't be more than ten years old, master firmly believing that their responses would be more acute if they were younger. He had never imagined that master would want to test his insane theories on actual subjects.

An intense wave of anger rose within him but he quickly suppressed it when he felt master glancing down at him. Instead, he forced himself to feel eager and plastered a smile on his face, hoping it mirrored Bella's.

He wouldn't think about it now. It was too dangerous. Lying at master's feet wasn't the place to feel anger or revulsion toward the sadistic monster. If master even detected a hint of these emotions, it would all be over and Severus would be joining the twins on the floor.

Taking a slow breath, he forced himself to remain calm and in control.

He heard master giving Macnair and a few others instructions on what curses to start with and what positions he wanted the children in.

Breathe. Stay in control. Stay calm.

"No, Walden, you imbecile! I said I want her eyes removed slowly so we have time to monitor the deterioration of her twins' eyesight. What do you mean what should you record it on? Oh, all hells, Rosier, get over here and start writing down the results. Oh, I am surrounded by incompetence."

Breathe. Stay in control. Stay calm.

"Rudolphus, put a silencing charm on that one—yes, that one over there, you stupid fat moron, not the crying one, I couldn't care less if he's crying, but I can't hear what he's saying if she keeps screaming so loudly."

Breathe. Stay in control. Stay calm.

XXXXXXXXX

Breathe. Stay in control. Stay calm. The words were still ringing through his head as he stared up at master's ceiling, hardly feeling the knife with which Bella was carving into his body. Master had wanted to celebrate the occasion by paying homage to the ideas which he believed were his responsibility to carry on. These same ideas had been the ones which resulted in millions of people deemed inferior to be killed or tortured to death in dozens of concentration camps nearly fifty years ago. Some ideas never died. They simply festered, waiting for another mad man to be born so they could creep into his head and regain their rightful place.

Severus felt Bella carving another symbol into his stomache, but he hardly felt the pain. He still felt numb and couldn't help but feel angry at himself because of it. He shouldn't feel numb. He should be feeling sick and disgusted with himself. He could have saved those twins. He knew he could have. Some way. Some time.

He pushed these thoughts out of his head and kept a smile on his face as he stared at the ceiling, trying to avoid looking at the corpses floating above his head.

The mutilated and bloody remains of the children were drifting around master's bedroom, dead eyes staring down at him as they drifted past.

Severus wanted to burst into tears and beg their forgiveness for not helping them, but he couldn't. Instead, he smiled, nodding eagerly as their murderer asked if he was enjoying himself.


	6. Chapter 6

Path of Shaded Light 

Chapter 6

'Humans have a knack for choosing precisely the things that are worst for them.'

- 'Harry Potter' by J.K. Rowling (Albus Dumbledore)

Hours later, he stumbled down the corridor, his body aching but he ignored it. Master had fallen asleep after Bella had finished cutting into Severus and had then crept over to their master and sucked him off.

Since master hadn't demanded that they stay, they had both crept out of the room, leaving the children's bodies floating around the room as Lord Voldemort quietly slept, a smile on his face.

Severus felt hysteria threatening to overwhelm him but he suppressed it. He couldn't lose it now.

When he reached his own room, he took two steps in and then collapsed, his legs having given out on him.

"Grindelwald! Is young master alright?" Gorgon hurried over, immediately scanning him with his wand. "Oh, more cuts! Oh, that monster! Come quickly to bed and Gorgy fix!"

Severus pushed him away, shaking his head. "No, elf. Leave it. I helped kill those children and I might as well carry proof of it on my body."

Gorgon knelt down beside him, immediately knowing what he was talking about. "Oh, young master not blaming himself for it! Not knowing that dark master would do this! Not knowing! Young master not torture himself like this!"

Severus felt a sob forming in his throat, but he pushed it away. He couldn't cry. His door could open at any moment and he couldn't chance them finding him crying on the floor.

He stared at his elf, his anguish absent from his face but flooding his eyes. "He has them floating around his room, Gorgon!" he whispered.

Gorgon grit his teeth but didn't say anything. Instead, he laid a hand on his young charge's cheek and made him look at him.

"Young master listen to Gorgy," he whispered in Elfish. "Yes, young master not prevent this, but can't prevent everything. We doing what we can and that all. Young master must remember aurors who not going to suffer from terrible poisons now that ministry has time to make antidotes. Just remember families that not lose loved ones from awful disease made by potion."

Severus drew in a shaky breath, knowing his elf's words were true. He still couldn't help but feel angry with himself for not being able to save them, but he knew he couldn't really have helped them without giving himself up.

"_Yes, that's exactly right, Severus. Yes, you could have leapt up and cursed Macnair and Lestrange into oblivion, but then what? You would have been killed instantly or tortured to death along with those poor children. And for what? You have a chance to make some of the terrible things going on this manor right, and you can't make them all right. Nobody expects you to, and you will only torture yourself by thinking you have to_."

Severus swallowed hard and slowly pushed himself up. They were right. Both of them. He hadn't been able to prevent this, but he had the chance to prevent other such senseless, brutal deaths. But that fact didn't do anything to make that awful guilt go away.

"I think I'm going to go for a short walk, Gorgon. Just to clear my head."

"Does young master want Gorgy to come?"

"No, it's alright. Fawkes will come with me."

Gorgon nodded. "Will go down to kitchen and find some chocolate frogs for young master, hm? How that sound?"

Severus managed a shaky smile. "Thank you, Gorgon."

Slowly turning, Severus made his way out of the door. Just before he stepped outside, he glanced back and saw the little girl with the bright blue eyes leaning against the wall, her arms crossed and her sad eyes staring at him. Beside her, he saw the twelve twins, their misty figures standing in silence as they stared at him.

Unable to say anything, he turned away from them and left his room. He felt rather then saw them drifting after him, their sad and accusing eyes never leaving him.

Fawkes was mercifully quiet as Severus slowly walked down a flight of stairs. He didn't care where he was going, he just needed to keep walking. He felt the little girl and the twins drifting after him and he was terrified of stopping and looking at them. Yes, he knew they weren't really there, but he felt them there and that was enough.

Before he knew it, he found himself in the stables. The smell of horse manure and straw immediately flooded his nose as he slowly made his way past the rows of stalls. Quiet snorts and the sounds of flesh being torn off bones mingled with the stomps of large hooves on straw. None of the Thestrals bothered to look up as he walked past them.

He was about to keep walking and go sit with Xira for a bit, when he heard a muffled sob from one of the stalls. He frowned. He hadn't met any Thestral who made that kind of a sound.

"_Who on earth was that? I thought nobody ever came down here_."

Severus' frown deepened and he pulled his wand out, moving cautiously down the dim hallway, peering into stalls.

"_Only the feeders come down here but the Thestrals have already been fed. There aren't any raids planned either. Nobody should be down here_."

The muffled crying became louder as he neared the stall at the end. Crouching down at the end of it, he cautiously peered around the corner, his wand already pointed at the darkness within.

"_Can we please not go looking for trouble? Just leave them alone, whoever they are. Can we please get back up to your room? This is dreadfully dangerous_."

"_Be quiet, bird. I want to see who it is and then we'll go_."

Fawkes sighed in his head but Severus ignored it as he squinted into the darkness. There was a small, fat Thestral standing in the stall, but Severus could see a huddled figure sitting in the corner of the stall, shaking from quiet sobs. Their mask was lying beside them and their hood had fallen off their head. Whoever it was obviously wasn't expecting any company. Their arms were hugging their knees and they were completely unaware of Severus' presence.

Frowning at the figure's short, black hair, Severus immediately realized who it was. Regulus Black.

"_Are you sure? Oh, what is the poor boy doing down here at this time of night? Oh, he looks terribly upset. Severus, go speak with him_."

"_And say what? Weren't you the one who just wanted to get out of here_?"

"_It's Regulus, Severus. It isn't as if he's a great threat. But he's terribly upset and so are you and misery loves company. Go on, talk to him for a bit. The poor boy hardly has any friends in this manor except for Crouch, and he doesn't count for anything_."

Severus stiffled a sigh. He didn't want to deal with this right now. He wanted to curl up beside Xira and do exactly what Regulus was doing, but the chances of him being overheard were too great now.

"_Don't be a git, Severus, go speak with him_."

For a moment, Severus swore he heard Evans' voice in his head and he knew his friend would never leave someone alone when they were this upset. Especially when she knew why they were upset.

Sighing, Severus dropped his wand and slowly straightened up.

"Hey."

Regulus reacted as if he had been shot. His head shot up and wide, bloodshot eyes stared at him as he fumbled for his wand. Severus immediately held up his wand and pointed the tip at the ceiling.

"I'm not here to fight, Black."

Regulus drew in a shaky breath. "Then why are you here?"

Severus shrugged. "It seems we both pick the same place to run to when we aren't feeling too great."

Regulus smiled slightly and stared down at the straw at his feet. Not really knowing what he was doing, Severus slipped underneath the chain going across the end of the stall and ducked underneath the Thestral's neck and slowly slid down the wall beside Regulus.

Neither of them said anything for a while and Severus tried to ignore some of the twins as they wandered up and down the corridor, sometimes taking the time to peek into the stall at him with sad, wide eyes.

He glanced up at the small, pudgy Thestral who was tearing the last bits of flesh off the leg bone lying on the straw.

"Is he yours?"

Regulus nodded, a small smile on his face. "Yeah. That's Tyron. Everyone laughed when I was assigned to him." He reached out and Tyron snorted softly as he nudged his rider's hand with his muzzle. "You see, he's kind of slow and isn't too bright. He tends to get lost at times. I don't really mind. He always makes us late for raids so I never have to do much but I don't get in trouble for it either."

Severus smiled and studied the Thestral. "He looks pretty old."

Regulus shrugged. "I don't mind. I've never liked flying so much and it makes me sick, but Tyron flies really slowly so it's not too bad."

They fell into silence again as Regulus wiped his nose with his sleeve and toyed with his mask.

"So what brings you down here? I thought you were with the Dark Lord still."

"He let us go early. I came down to see Xira."

"She yours?"

"Yeah. She's pretty quick and smart."

"I know. I've watched you ride. You're good."

Severus shrugged it off, unaccustomed to compliments.

"So what really made you come down here?"

Severus stared at the wall. "The same thing which brought you down here."

Regulus took a shaky breath and swallowed hard. "I just can't believe—I just can't believe he did that. I mean—I just can't believe it."

Severus sighed. "I should have suspected it. I've been reading him books about it for months. I thought that would be enough or maybe he'd fiddle around with one or two muggles, but I never thought he'd do something like this. It's not that I'm surprised, but—"

Severus bit his lip, not wanting to finish his sentence. He didn't want to say something which could get him into trouble. Regulus was friends with Crouch after all, who would love an opportunity to show master how unworthy Severus was of wearing the collar.

"Yeah, me too. I never thought it would bother you this much, though."

Severus clenched his jaw. "Yes, it bothers me. I love master and I will do anything for him, but this didn't benefit master in any way except for amusement. It was a worthless waste of time. We can't accomplish our goals if we're wasting time like this."

"_Congratulations. You can spew Death Eater propaganda with the best of them, Severus_."

"_Thank you, bird. I had to say something else. He'd get suspicious otherwise_."

Regulus sighed. "Yeah, our goals. That's why I joined up, you know. Well, my parents had a lot to do with it, especially after my brother—anyway. They decided they wouldn't make the same mistakes with me. After Sirius was sorted into Gryffindor, they kept me home and home schooled me. I guess they were scared I'd wind up in Gryffindor too. I'd probably only have ended up in Hufflepuff or something anyway."

"Did you want to join?"

"Yeah, I did. Mother has always been going on and on about the purity of blood and how it has to be preserved, and she's right. Wizards have always been a minority and if we keep mingling with muggles and diluting our bloodlines, there won't be any purebloods left soon."

Severus bit his lip and didn't say that some half-bloods or muggleborns proved to be more powerful than most pure-bloods. He just nodded.

"And I always wanted to do something about it, you know. Make a stand. Make people see that we have to protect our lineages. But I thought we'd be making speeches and doing harmless stuff, you know? Not—not this."

Severus sighed. "You're a moron."

"I know. Sirius has the brains out of the two of us, but he just went into a 'completely unacceptable direction' according to mother, so I wanted to make her proud and do something with my life. Everyday, it's always been, Sirius this and Sirius that until he ended up in Gryffindor. I always waited for the chance to be the great one, the one whom mother was proud of and when Malfoy talked to me about all of this, he made it sound so great and full of glory and kinship and all that stuff. So I joined up. Although if I'd known we'd have to do and see the things we—" He paused suddenly and glanced at Severus. "You're not going to tell You-Know—I mean, the Dark Lord any of this are you?"

Severus smiled. "The Dark Lord rarely asks Bella and me about anything. Besides, if I told him one of his Death Eaters had the unfortunate fault of possessing a conscience, he'd ask what I was doing down here anyway and that would get me into heaps of trouble."

Regulus sighed with relief and hugged his knees closer.

"I'm just so scared. I want to be like the others. Like Bellatrix and Macnair and Barty. But I just can't. I can't get those kids' faces out of my head."

Severus stared at the thirteen children leaning against the wall and staring at him.

"Yeah."

"But it's not like I can run, you know? Once you're in, you're in. Being dead is the only way out. I've tried that you know. But I can't. I guess I'm a coward all over."

Severus clenched his jaw to keep from saying anything which would give more away than he could afford to. He remembered how the knife had felt in his hand as he stabbed at the ugly mark on his arm, crying with frustration when it wouldn't allow itself to be scratched out. He remembered the relief he felt when the poison slipped down his throat, knowing he was finally free from this mess. Knowing he would never have to see sad, haunted eyes and silent ghosts ever again.

"There's no such thing as a coward, Regulus," he said quietly.

"What?"

"Everybody has things they're afraid of, but that's normal and good. If you weren't scared of master or of running, then you'd be a stupid fool. Being scared doesn't make you a coward."

"You really believe that?"

Severus nodded. "Yeah."

They sat in silence for a while longer until Severus suddenly heard Bella trying to open their link. He sighed. She probably wanted his help getting that woman's eyes back into her head.

"I have to go. Bella needs me for something."

He pushed himself off the straw and brushed off his robes.

"Hey."

Severus turned back and looked down at Regulus.

"Thanks. For talking to me."

"You're welcome. And you won't be mentioning any of this to Crouch will you?"

He smiled. "Of course not. As long as you keep it out of You-Know-Who's hearing range."

"Deal."

They shared a small smile before Severus turned and ducked underneath the chain, hurrying back upstairs.

"_You know what I think, bird_?"

"_What's that_?"

"_Out of the two Blacks, I'd say Mrs. Black was dead wrong when she thought Sirius was the better one._."

"_I couldn't agree with you more, Severus_."

XXXXXX

_Hey! Hope you all enjoyed it. I would leave you alone to go about your own life, but first, I have to ask a favor. I'm rapidly running out of good quotes to use and I'd appreciate any help I can get! If you know any good quotes which I could use in this story, drop me a line and I'll happily incorporate it into a later chapter, giving you a bunch of hugs and credit of course!_


	7. Chapter 7

Path of Shaded Light 

Chapter 7

Author's Note: Here are the next two chapters, as promised. As if there aren't enough people running around in this story already, we get to meet some more and go to a place we haven't been before. I had such a great time writing this chapter and I hope you have fun reading it too. If anybody is too depressed by this chapter's darkness, have no fear, we return to Hogwarts in the next chapter. Alright, onto my thank-you's:

_CuriousDreamWeaver_ – As always, thank you! I'm glad you liked Regulus. We'll be seeing him again soon. Enjoy the next part!

_Da-kobsta_ – Thank you! I'm thrilled to hear Evans is your favourite character. I'm very sorry but I don't have time to put in any more explanations on Evans little adventures than I already do. There are simply too many things to talk about, but don't worry, she makes an appearance in the next chapter!

_Arafel2_ – Thank you! I'm glad to hear you liked Regulus as much as I did! Hope you like the next part.

_Hpfreakout_ – Thanks! Yes, Voldie's being his usual cruel self, but what else is new? Sorry about the long wait and I'll try to update more regularily now that school is starting again.

_Rosaleen_ – As always, thank you! Those chapters were pretty heavy but don't worry, _Raven shields her eyes from the glare of her computer and squints into the distance_ I see Hogwarts on the horizon! We'll all go and get some much deserved R&R.

_Fighting For My Life_ – I'm thrilled to hear you're back home and I hope you're feeling better! I'm glad you're still liking the story and I hope the next two chapters don't disappoint!

_Nemo Returning_ – Would I really be that cruel and make all of Sev's friends die? First of all, Bella, Gorgon, Fawkes and the headmaster won't die for a long time (notice I didn't say 'never'), but about Regulus…well, you'll just have to wait and see, won't you? What? What was that? _Jo had him killed in the books and I'd be trampling canon if he didn't die_. Well…I have my ways _evil grin_. You'll just have to sit tight and wait.

_Snape coolgirl_ – Yes, Bella gets nuttier as time goes by, doesn't she? She's still one of my favourite characters! Hope you enjoy the next part!

'Like light from nowhere we are born and like light we step toward nowhere, alive and aflame. Yet, we see almost none of the light in our lives, our hands raised before us, our fingers splayed against the sun, our eyes squint to keep the light out or we die from fire.'

- Patrick Friesen, 'Light in June'

Oct. 1st, 1979

The Dark Manor

"So how long young master think he take?" Gorgon asked, snapping his fingers at some frayed threads on the bottom of Severus' cloak and watching them disappear.

Severus shrugged, pulling his mask on. "We're going to apparate directly to the portal and the negotiations shouldn't take all that long. As long as Bella doesn't become distracted and do something stupid, we won't be that long."

Gorgon nodded. "Alright. Gorgy apparate to Hogwarts tonight and be waiting for young master there."

Severus checked his pockets to make sure he had his wand and his many vials of different potions—including a certain red one.

"_I still can't believe we have to go to the underworld! Of all the dreadful places! Why can't Lord High and Mighty need something from a lovely place like Hogsmeade_?" Fawkes lamented.

"_Be quiet, bird. If master wants something from the underworld, then we're going to the underworld_."

After making sure he had everything, he pulled his hood up and then gave his elf a firm nod.

"I'll see you tonight, Gorgon. Be careful."

The old elf smiled. "Always, young master. And young master be careful too."

Without another word, Severus swept out of his room, putting up the wards and heading towards Bella's room, Fawkes still grumbling and complaining in his head. Along the way, he passed by Crouch and Regulus. Regulus gave him a slight nod, which Severus returned, and Crouch narrowed his eyes at him. Barty hadn't been pleased that Severus had been allowed to go on such an important mission—one which was purely for master's benefit. Crouch had even suggested that he could go instead of Severus, to which master had laughed and said that Barty had a great sense of humor but not much else. Needless to say, Severus had been in a good mood all day and Crouch had been glaring at him at every opportunity.

XXXXXX

He nearly landed on Bella when his feet touched the ground and he opened his eyes, realizing they were there. She giggled and waggled a finger at him.

He rolled his eyes as he glanced around. They were in the middle of an empty field somewhere on the outskirts of Manchester. They had all ridden here on their Thestrals the night before so they would all know where to apparate to. The female master who was accompanying them had complained about it, saying that the constant apparating was starting to make her ill, but master had silenced her, saying that a bunch of Thestral roaming around on a deserted field would arouse too much suspicion.

She was scowling around herself. "So where are these rock things?" she demanded, crossing her arms across her chest.

Two of her assistants started hurrying around, squinting through the darkness at the ground. Severus thought one of their names might be Wilkes, but he had never met the other one. The female master pulled a piece of parchment out of her robe and squinted at it. She glanced up and frowned at the pile of rocks her assistants had hoarded together.

"Alright. That might be all of them. Wilkes, take those large ones and make a circle—and I mean a circle, not a square, you dimwitted idiot—and you there—" She waved her hand at Severus. "—find the ones that are in the middle of this diagram and put them in the right places."

Severus went to work, squinting through the darkness and trying not to trip over anything as he glanced at the diagrams and tried to find the small rocks which had been carefully drawn on the parchment. Then he brought them into the middle of the circle Wilkes had made and carefully arranged them into some kind of symbol. He thought he recognized it, but he couldn't remember the exact name of it. It had been in one of the books master had let him read the other day.

When all the rocks were in place, they all went and stood around it and pulled out their wands. At a signal from the master, they all started chanting the ancient words to open up one of the seven portals leading to the underworld.

"Draganus igaratium sevit nuva cumo. Tribulo irrigasitia trelum bamari—"

As they spoke, the wind around them seemed to pick up and whistled around them, their cloaks flapping around them as they all raised their arms and pointed their wands into the middle of the circle. Rolling up their sleeves, they all slowly touched their wands to their marks, all of them grimacing from the sudden burning sensation.

Moments later, Severus felt himself being yanked forward as red flames seemed to swallow him and he felt himself falling or floating, he couldn't tell. He wasn't even sure they were going underground or being transported somewhere entirely different.

As soon as it had started, they found themselves on solid ground once more. Severus stumbled and Bella grabbed onto his arm to keep him from falling over.

Wilkes was looking a bit pale and Severus smirked when he saw female master clutching her stomache and looking ill. He had never liked her.

While they stood there, dusting themselves off and putting their wands away, a group of hooded figures silently glided up to them.

The female master immediately straightened up and went towards them.

"We were sent by the Dark Lord to see your queen," She said.

One of the figures muttered something in a strange demon language at her, but when she frowned at him, he growled slightly and switched to a guttural, raspy sounding English.

"Show arms."

Immediately, they all pulled up their sleeves and showed them their marks, whose eyes were all pulsing with a deep red, feeling nearly as content as they did in the dark manor.

Severus sneered at it. Just wait until tonight, he thought. You won't be feeling this well at Hogwarts.

The demon stepped forward and held a scaly hand above each of their marks, feeling the dark magic flowing from them. Then he nodded and turned around, gliding off down a dark corridor.

The female master followed him and Severus grabbed Bella's arm and hurried after her. He nearly tripped over the edge of a stone in the floor along the way and he found himself wishing for some torches. Although he had grown used to the semi-darkness of the manor, this complete lack of lighting was irritating him.

They followed the demons through a maze of twisting tunnels and down flights of stairs until they finally arrived by a large, iron wrought door. Severus stared at the design on the gate and he thought he recognized an old demon ritual being performed by the people depicted on it but he couldn't put his finger on what it was. He definitely had to brush up on his demonic literature when they got back to the manor.

Staring through the gate, he was surprised to see some red torches flickering along the wall. The entire room was draped in different colored clothes and black tables and chairs. Along the far wall sat a throne which closely resembled master's.

One of the demons muttered something in his language at the gate and it slowly swung open. They all filed in and paused before the empty throne, the demons prostrating themselves but Severus and the others remained standing. Lady Agaria might be the ruler of the underworld, but she was not their master.

Moments later, the swishing of robes could be heard and a tall woman swept past them and elegantly draped herself onto her throne.

"Pardon my tardiness," she said, her voice not nearly as raspy as her fellow demons, and although Severus could hear a strong accent in her voice, her english was much better than he had expected.

She leaned forward and smiled at the demons crouching before her. Saying something in their language to them, one of them muttered a response and her smile widened, showing her razor sharp fangs. She laughed and said something else before they scampered out of the room.

She glanced around herself. "Braxis does not like this much lighting in here. It irritates his eyes too much. I told him allowances must be made for human weaknesses, no?"

The female master narrowed her eyes and looked like she was about to retort an answer, but Severus quickly interupted her. "Yes, my Lady. Of course. Our eyes are accustomed to darkness, but not to this degree. We thank you for this show of hospitality." He didn't need to be thrown out of the underworld without having their mission completed because that stupid woman couldn't take a few insults. She swallowed all of master's insults but because this wasn't her master, she figured she could be mouthy to her. Severus had read a lot about the queen of the underworld and he knew that he wanted to stay on her good side for as long as possible.

She was a half Vampire and half Ruvian, making her one of the most dangerous and powerful demons to ever be created. Nobody was sure how long she had already existed, but if the old legends were true, she had been the one to bond together the hundreds of fighting demon clans in the underworld and unite them under her leadership. Nobody knew a lot about her since she had always been firm about keeping humans out of her world and living life in relative peace.

"So," she clasped her hands together and narrowed her violet eyes at them. "You have been sent by Tom Riddle."

They all frowned. Severus was about to ask who on earth Tom Riddle was, but she interupted his thoughts with a laugh. "Oh, you are all so surprised. Of course you are. You all know him by that pretentious title he dares address himself as. Lord Voldemort." She said the name as if she had a bad taste in her mouth, but the sudden pain which ran up all of their arms was the same as always. She laughed again and tossed a strand of her deep violet hair over her shoulder.

"Well, as much as I would like to sit here and ask how he is conducting his affairs these days, I must be honest and say I do not care. I have never had any interest in the affairs of humans and I never will. So, we will get to the point. You wanted something from me."

The female master nodded. "The Dark Lord has need of a basilisk."

She laughed again, the torch light glinting off of her fangs. "A basilisk? Is he thinking of getting another pet? I thought he already had a serpent."

Severus nodded. "He does, my Lady, but he needs the basilisk for an experiment, not as a pet."

"An experiment? A human needing a basilisk? I always knew he was a bit mad but never this deranged."

Severus nearly snorted at that but carefully allowed a trace of anger to flicker over his face.

"He is not mad, my Lady," he forced himself to say, reaching over and holding onto Bella's wrist. He could hear her shrieks of rage in his head but he quickly tried to sooth her. Making Lady Agaria angry was never a good idea.

"He wants to exchange his life force with that of a basilisk."

That caught her attention. She frowned and sat up straighter. "And how does he propose to do this? It is difficult enough exchanging a life force between two similar beings, never mind that of a human and a demon."

"He has done a lot of research on it, my Lady and he believes it is possible. However, we didn't know where to acquire a basilisk without arousing too much suspicion. He said that you had quite a few and that for the right price, you would be willing to trade."

"The right price? And what would that be?"

"What would you like it to be, my Lady?" Severus asked in return, hoping he didn't sound rude but he was feeling braver than he usually was and he decided to make it worth something.

She smiled at him. "You I like. Polite but still knowing what he wants. It is a quality not many humans possess."

Severus blushed slightly.

She sighed and leaned back in her chair. "Well, there are very few things we need from humans. In fact, there is nothing that you have that we could possibly want, except for, perhaps—is one of you his potions master?"

Severus shook his head. "He had urgent business elsewhere, my Lady. I am here as his representative."

She narrowed her eyes and looked him up and down. "Although I am ashamed to say this, our potion makers have never had much talent. We hardly have a need for potions, of course, most of us being immortal and immune to pain and disease, but we have come across a problem recently. For some reason, Dyrulian and Megurite hybrids have experienced great pain in their early years of childhood. This is normal for demon hybrids since the two physiologies need a few years to become compatable, but in recent years, genetic mutations have made these hybrids experience great pain and sometimes even death in their early years. We have studied the problem at length, but have found no solution."

Severus stared at her. He hardly knew a thing about demon physiology and she wanted him to solve a problem which had stumped even the oldest and wisest demons of all time?

"You want me to find a potion which helps them?"

She smiled. "Nothing too drastic. I want you to make a potion which will help make the integration of these two physiologies less painful and not fatal. If you can bring me a potion which works, I will not only give your master a basilisk, but I will be kind enough to remove its eyes to prevent any—problems—which humans tend to experience when dealing with the creatures."

Severus stared at her. Great. As if he didn't have enough problems to deal with. He definitely had to brush up on his demon literature when he got back to the manor.

She was smiling at him, wanting to see if he'd take the challenge. A small burst of excitement lit up within him. This was going to be damn hard, and she knew it. Well, potions he could deal with.

He nodded. "Alright, my Lady. I will get started as soon as we return to the Dark Lord."

Her smile widened. "I was right when I thought I liked you. Well, I will provide you with some help. Before you return I will send Braxis down to our archives and he will get you some books you might need. You will return them unharmed once you have finished the potion."

He bit his lip. "Uhm, my Lady? If I might ask, how will I test this potion? There are no demons in our world."

She smiled. "You will come back when you have prepared different samples and we will test them together. If you are on the right track, I will allow you to come back when you have finalized it. But I will warn you, if you cause the death of one of my people, I will unfortunately be the cause of yours."

A tingle of fear crept up his spine but he nodded. Her smile widened. "I think we will enjoy working together. What is your name, young one?"

"Severus Snape, my Lady."

"Well, Severus Snape, I wish you good luck and tell your master that I enjoyed our conversation. It isn't often that I enjoy the company of humans, but you have been an exception."


	8. Chapter 8

Path of Shaded Light 

Chapter 8

'A new point of view, a walk in your shoes. I wish I could get inside your head to see what you see when you look at me, cause I could've lived your life instead.'

- 'Instead' by Stacie Orrico

His legs still shaky, Severus nearly fell over when he apparated at the edge of the Forbidden Forest, rain pouring from the dark sky.

"_Oh, this is simply dreadful! Why did you have to open your mouth? Oh, I can just picture it! We will both die horrible and gruesome deaths down there when we go back! Oh, if I would have known we would be mixed up with demon affairs I would have never agreed to this! I mean, it's bad enough dealing with Lord High and Mighty, but now we have to deal with Her Highness as well_?!"

Severus sighed as he pulled his hood over his head, carefully hiding his mask. He squinted through the rain as he slowly trudged towards one of the side entrances to the castle.

He glanced up at the tall castle and felt a rush of happiness surge through him when he saw the twinkling lights inside. After the darkness he had just been in, the light seemed to call to him, puling him forward.

As soon as he pushed open the door and started up the stairs, he sighed deeply, feeling the tension and fear leaving him. He was safe. He was home.

That thought startled him, but he knew it was true. Here was the only place where he didn't have to watch what he said, whom he said it to and didn't have to run around, doing crazy things for a crazy man.

"_Fawkes, you did inform the headmaster we were on our way, right_?"

"_Of course I did! You don't see Minerva charging down these stairs do you? Gorgon was watching for us and Albus turned off the detectors the moment we apparated. Nobody knows we're here_."

He continued up the stairs, feeling the warmth of the castle seeping into him. He reached the upper floors and walked down the corridors, smiling at the white marble floors. It was eerie how even different colored floors had such an effect on him.

Reaching the gargoyle before the headmaster's office, his mind momentarily went back and he remembered the many times he had trudged up these stairs to speak with the headmaster. The very first time he had only been ten years old, Gorgon clutching his robe as they climbed up these stairs for the first time, still not willing to believe they were being allowed to live in this wonderful place. Could that really have been eight short years ago?

After Fawkes told him the password and Severus passed it onto the gargoyle, they stepped onto the revolving stairs and moments later, arrived at the wooden door.

He knocked politely and his heart soared with happiness when he heard the headmaster's voice cheerfully calling him inside.

He stepped into the room, and moments later, a shrieking red head threw herself at him and he nearly fell over.

"Sev! Oh, damn it's good to see you! Are you alright? Let me look at you!" She released him about an inch and her green eyes swept over him.

He couldn't suppress a smile, glad as ever to see his best friend. "I'm fine, Evans. Exhausted, but fine."

He fumbled in the pocket of his robes and pulled out the vial of sparkling red liquid. Immediately, the vial seemed to explode and a chirping red bird shot around the office, swooping around and shaking himself out.

Severus smirked at him and Gorgon rolled his eyes. "Show off," he muttered.

The headmaster stood up and walked over to him. "Well, he has been in your mind for quite a few weeks, now dear. Everyone needs to stretch their legs from time to time."

Severus stared into the headmaster's twinkling blue eyes and that rush of contentment nearly brought tears to his eyes.

Moments later, he was in the headmaster's arms, who squeezed him nearly as tightly as Evans had.

"Oh, it's good to see you, dear. You have no idea how worried I had been. I think my beard's turned whiter in the past few weeks."

Severus smiled into the light green robes as Evans put in that it only made him look more distinguished.

The headmaster chuckled and released him, looking him over just as Evans had done.

"You look much better, dear. Been eating properly?"

Severus scowled, not liking this much attention. "Yes, I have, headmaster. I'm fine. Really. It's been a long day, but I'm fine."

The headmaster chuckled again, liking this show of attitude from the normally quiet, withdrawn Slytherin. He exchanged a glance with Gorgon who smiled back. This spying business seemed to be having some positive effects on their young charge.

"And withdrawal?" Evans demanded, frowning. Severus sighed again, wishing everyone would just believe that he was perfectly capable of taking care of himself. "It's fine, Evans. A few headaches here and there, but I'm fine. I don't see you fussing about Gorgon or Fawkes."

Evans sat down beside Gorgon and helped herself to the enormous heaping of food which had suddenly appeared on the headmaster's desk. "That's because Gorgon is old enough to take care of himself properly and Fawkes is immortal."

Severus scowled and sat down beside her, grabbing a cup of tea. "I can take care of myself just fine, thank you."

The headmaster chuckled again, delighted with this slight change in Severus' personality.

"There's no reason to be such a Slytherin about it," she muttered out of a full mouth.

"Evans, I am a Slytherin."

Lily glanced at him and raised her eyebrows slightly, not used to hearing that sentence come out of her friend's mouth. He nearly sounded proud of the fact, where he had only sounded indifferent about it a few weeks ago and all the years she had known him.

They spent about half an hour chatting about everyday things, eating and laughing at each other. Severus couldn't remember the last time he had felt so relaxed, able to talk to Gorgon and Fawkes outloud about anything he wanted to and laughing with Evans and the headmaster. His head started throbbing a bit from the lighting in the office—despite the fact that the headmaster had lowered it a great deal—and his arm was stinging, but he ignored them both.

Finally, Dumbledore sighed and leaned back, clapping his hands and making their dishes vanish. Then he leaned forward and clasped his hands on the table.

"Alright, it is time for talk to turn to some unpleasant and some pleasant things. Mrs. Potter, if you could give Severus the good news."

Severus and Gorgon exchanged a puzzled frown and Fawkes stopped preening himself as he sat up to listen.

Lily grinned, her eyes sparkling. "Well, a week ago one of our aurors and her family were admitted to St. Mungo's due to what they thought was a simple case of food poisoning. However, since our little secretive bird had given the ministry a list of progress reports on experimental potions Death Eaters were currently devising, the healers determined that they had been poisoned by one of these potions and because the ministry's research department had been working on antidotes for weeks already, the family was treated and they all survived. The healers later did some research and determined that they would have died within a few days if the antidote hadn't been administered."

Gorgon was smiling brightly and there were tears of happiness in his eyes, but Severus frowned, the Slytherin in him immediately grasping at the possible holes in this affair.

"Has word gotten out about the progress reports?"

Lily shook her head. "Don't start fretting, Sev. Only a few people in the research department have been allowed to see them and they've been told that the source of that information is irrelevant so they haven't asked any questions. The family was never told that they didn't have food poisoning and the healers were obliviated by some aurors soon after."

Severus frowned. "And those aurors who obliviated them, what about them?"

The headmaster held up a soothing hand. "Rest assured, Severus that your secret is still confined to the people in this room. Mrs. Potter simply instructed some aurors to obliviate the healers, telling them to get rid of certain memories pertaining to the incident but not explaining why. I gave her my authority to do this and the aurors didn't question it. We can't all be Salazar Slytherin's, my dear, but we do try."

Severus smiled, slightly embarrassed. "I'm sorry, sir, I never meant to imply—I'm just used to doing things on my own with Fawkes and Gorgon."

The headmaster smiled back kindly. "Of course, dear. And it's good for you to question us like this. It is quite possible that we forget something and such mistakes can be fatal for you."

Severus felt that familiar fear coming on, but he suppressed it. He was safe for now. He was in Hogwarts. Nothing could hurt him here.

"So, how did your trip to the underworld go, Severus?"

Fawkes squawked and launched into what Severus assumed was a tirade of complaints and worries, but the headmaster merely smiled. "I know you can't stand the place, old friend, but do let Severus answer my question, please."

Severus sighed. "It went better and worse than I feared. Lady Agaria is willing to give us a basilisk but at a price. She wants me to find a potion which will help ease the painful integration some hybrid demons have been experiencing."

Lily was staring at him. "Sev, you don't know a bloody thing about demons."

"I know some things, Evans. Besides, she's given me a bunch of books which I have to look through and master has quite a large collection of demon related literature, but it's still going to be tricky."

"Did she give you a timeline for this?"

Gorgon smirked. "Highness is immortal, why need timeline?"

A chuckle went around the table and even Severus smiled. "No, she didn't, but I assume she isn't the kind of person to be kept waiting. I was going to start reading as soon as I got back to the manor."

"When is he expecting you back, dear?"

"Not until tomorrow. He wants to find out what progress you've made on your negotiations."

"Hmm. Well, let me think up something, dear. How is he with the giants?"

Severus frowned. "He hasn't mentioned them very much but I can't imagine his opinion of them being too high."

"Oh, good. In that case, tell him that I'm starting negotiations with one of the clans in Bulgaria. That ought to interest him enough."

Severus nodded, storing away the information.

"So, is there anything of importance we need to know at the moment?"

Severus' mind immediately flew to the twins, who he had left behind in the manor that morning, staring after him with wide eyes. But he knew that relating their deaths would only upset the headmaster and Evans and there was nothing anyone could do about it so he decided to keep that to himself.

"Well, he's been frantically working on this new idea of his with the basilisk. He's been postponing any other plans until this is complete. I don't believe he has any big raids planned any time soon. He's been reading and listening to me read about magical life forces and basilisks for weeks now."

Evans snorted. "Well, as long as he's messing around with his own body then the rest of us can live in peace for a bit. Crazy idiot," she muttered under her breath.

Severus immediately glared at her. "Watch your mouth, Evans."

She sighed and immediately looked sorry. "I'm sorry, Sev. I would say I didn't mean it but—"

"I know you meant it and that's fine, just please don't say it."

The headmaster was leaning back in his chair, seeming lost in thought. "Trying to switch one's life force with that of a demon. Hmm, well, Tom certainly picked a challenge this time."

He sounded intrigued by the idea and Severus was glad that he wasn't the only one who was excited about it. He didn't dwell on the fact that if this worked, master would prolong his life by about 700 years, but he was fascinated by the magical process it would entail. He had to admit that he was nearly as eager as master to get started once their research was complete.

Evans scowled. "You intellectual types have never seized to amaze me. A cruel and deranged murderer is trying to prolong his life so he can kill more people and all you can do is drool at the magical challenge of it? And who the hell is Tom?"

Severus had to admit this had puzzled him too. Apparently master's real name was Tom Riddle, which he had never heard anybody mention and he guessed master didn't want it to become common knowledge. Tom Riddle was such an—ordinary name.

Dumbledore sighed. "First off, Mrs. Potter, Tom Riddle is his real name. You don't believe his parents actually named him what he calls himself these days, do you? But that's another tale for another time and besides, I don't believe it is wise for Severus to know more about his personal history. Onto your other point, please don't misunderstand me. I am as fascinated by a magical dilemna that needs intellectual as well as magical solving as much as anyone, and Tom Riddle is a very intelligent man, that much must be granted to him. But I don't like the end result of this anymore than you do, but what choice do we have? If Severus doesn't provide Lady Agaria with the potion, he will die and if he does provide it, then he will be given the basilisk. If the basilisk is killed—which is very difficult do to, mind you—then he will be given another one. Our choices are between Severus' life and Tom's normal life expectancy. Even if this doesn't work, he would have a good seventy to eighty years of life left, during which he can just as much damage as in 700 years. I think this is more about Tom's own dreams than his goals for the future of the world."

Severus sighed inwardly, relieved that the headmaster understood. He knew that the Dark Lord's obsession with immortality stemmed more from his own fears rather than a belief that he couldn't accomplish what he wanted to in the natural years he had left.

Lily rolled her eyes and glared darkly at the table. Severus knew she understood, but it didn't mean she had to like it. That was fine.

The headmaster cleared his throat. "So, while Tom is busy with his current dilemna, I wanted to try and focus our attentions on someone else for the time being."

Severus frowned, curious to know who the headmaster deemed to be more of a threat at the current time than master.

"I have done a lot of thinking about our good friend, Lucius Malfoy."

Immediately, a surge of anger ran through Severus and Gorgon sat up with a jerk, their eyes narrowing.

"What about him?" Lily demanded, clenching her jaw.

"Your anger is the reason we need to discuss him. As Severus has informed us, he is Tom's Master of Recruitment. Now, I have been doing as much as I can to keep an eye on any so-called potentials in the school, but I know I don't catch them all and I have failed some terribly."

The headmaster's gaze dropped to the table and Severus bit his lip.

"Don't, headmaster. Please."

"Don't, what?"

"Don't blame yourself. You tried everything you could to keep me here on this side, but I was too stubborn and messed up to see the sincerity of your efforts. I had convinced myself that what Malfoy was telling me was what I had wanted all my life and I was too blind to realize what lay behind it and the fact that I could have all of that here."

His mind swept to Regulus Black, who had ended up in the same dilemna that Severus' had, only having been lead from such a different direction. Severus didn't know what the headmaster could have said at what time which would have prevented him from leaving, but he knew it was his fault alone.

"It was my fault, headmaster and please don't blame yourself for it. It's not possible for you to catch every child that starts going the wrong way. There are too many of us and we all do it for slightly different reasons."

Evans nodded. "In that case, we'll just have to catch Malfoy instead. Not in the same way, mind you."

The headmaster was nodding slowly. "That's precisely what I was thinking. We have to find a way to catch Malfoy in the act and keep the children he was conversing with out of his way. The only problem is, we don't know how he finds out any potentials, where he meets them all and how he determines once they're there."

Severus was frowning. That last part had always struck him as puzzling as well. He had never given it much thought but it did strike him as very strange that Lucius Malfoy always showed up whenever he had been at the Hog's Head alone, even if he told no one where he was going.

"I know he finds out about potentials from older students whose parents are already Death Eaters. They tell him who the loners are and he waits for an opportunity to strike. I believe the older students tell him where these people like spending their time and he follows them there. Although where these places are and how he finds out that they're there, that's still a mystery."

Lily smiled coldly. "A mystery which we'll crack."

Severus felt a smile creeping over his own face and he exchanged a grin with Gorgon.

Dumbledore held up a hand. "Just a minute, please. Severus, please don't get carried away by Mrs. Potter's enthusiasm. We have no evidence against Mr. Malfoy, nothing which ties him to the Death Eaters and certainly nothing which ties him to the recruitment of innocents for his master's cause. Asides from that, the Malfoy family has always been a respected part of society and people simply wouldn't believe the allegations if they were put forth."

"Then we'll just have to tread carefully and find a way to stop his recruiting. Maybe we can't stick him into Azkaban, but we'll find a way to keep master's ranks a little leaner."

The headmaster gave them all a worried, long look and then focused on Severus. "Be careful, child. Be very careful. Tom believes you to be his loyal servant, but Lucius believes nothing of you. He is a very dangerous man and if he suspects anything, he will go running to Tom immediately. Please, be careful."

Severus nodded, feeling that fear within him, but at the same time, he felt a rush of excitement as the serpent within him stirred and hissed. Maybe Lucius Malfoy wouldn't end up in Azkaban by hiw own hands, but he'd make sure Malfoy would one day know what it's like to be used and smiled at when all anyone wanted to do was spit on him.

Maybe not any time soon, but one day. As for now, he was willing to settle on embarrasing Malfoy and causing him some problems where master's expectations were concerned.


	9. Chapter 9

Path of Shaded Light 

Chapter 9

Author's Notes: Again, I'm sorry about the delay. I've been sick with the flu and haven't had the energy to write much, but I tried. I hope everyone is as excited about seeing Lucius again as I am since this entire chapter is about him. I should also take a moment to apologize to anyone who knows anything about Ireland, since I know nothing and have made up street and school names. Again, I apologize but I needed some names and didn't have time to research. I hope everyone forgives the delay and enjoys the next part!

_Patty_ – Thank you and I'm glad you liked Lady Agaria. She'll remain on the outskirts of the story but she'll prove to be an essential part of it later on.

_Nemo Returning_ – If you're complaining about Sev not socializing with humans a lot now, just wait until Oct. 31st, 1981. After that, he'll hardly be speaking to any humans. Well, it's not as if he likes humans a lot anyway so it's not a big problem. As for the uneventfulness, just read the next part. I hope you like it.

_Snape coolgirl_ – As always, thank you for the kind words!

_CuriousDreamWeaver_ – Thank you! I'm thrilled you enjoyed reading about the underworld and our demon mistress. She won't be in the story a lot but you'll be seeing her at random times. I hope she continues to intrigue you. I certainly loved writing her.

_Rosaleen_ - _ducks her head in shame_ You might want to take your compliment about my updating abilities back but I hope I'll be able to make up for it with this chapter. Hope you enjoy!

'You've got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down.'

- Ray Bradbury

Oct. 15th, 1979

Malfoy Manor

"Care for a drink, Severus?"

Severus nodded, forcing himself to blush slightly. Lucius gave him that wide, inviting smile and snapped his fingers. The bottle of firewhisky sitting beside him rose up and drifting into his waiting hands and he elegantly poured two glasses, handing one to Severus.

"I was so pleased that you stopped by. I haven't seen you in quite a while. I was starting to think you had forgotten all about me."

Severus pretended to look shocked at the very suggestion. "Of course not, sir! I could never forget the man who brought me to my master. If anything, I will always be in your debt."

That smile widened slightly.

Severus had a strong urge to sneer at the arrogant bastard but covered it up by sipping his firewhisky.

"_Not too much, Severus! Gorgon would have a fit_."

"_Bird, I'm not a child. I can drink as much as I want to_."

"_You turned eighteen two months ago! Now put that glass back down_."

Careful to keep on smiling and not roll his eyes, Severus lowered his glass.

"So," Lucius clapped his hands and raised an eyebrow. "Asides from my pleasant company, was there another reason for this spontaneous visit?"

Severus pretended to look nervous. "Uhm, no, sir. Not really. I just wanted to see you again. To tell you the truth, I hardly expected you would welcome me back into your home. I'm not one of the most important people around."

Lucius chuckled and waved a dismissive hand. "Of course you are, my good friend. You are an essential part of our cause. If our master isn't kept happy and entertained, our goals can't be reached."

Severus blushed again but his grip tightened around the glass. What he had really meant was; If you and Bella weren't his willing little whores the rest of us would have to work much harder at getting things done properly.

"Well, Bella and I do work hard to please master. It's most important." Bella always said it and Severus didn't think it would hurt to use some of his bondmates pearls of wisdom.

"_Wisdom?! What comes out of that woman's mouth might be many things, but it isn't wisdom_."

"_Bird, I was being sarcastic_."

"_Oh. Well, then. Anyway, why all this meaningless chitchat? Would you get to the point_?"

"_I can't just interupt him and say I want to see his house to look for places he might hide lists of his potentials_!"

"_Well of course not! Find another way_!"

"_What other way_?"

"_I don't know. Something which would please Mr. Slytherin_."

Lucius nodded sagely and raised his glass. "Quite right."

Severus had already forgotten what Lucius was agreeing to but he smiled all the same. Carrying on two different conversations and remembering to smile was proving exhausting and confusing.

Alright. Something which would please Mr. Slytherin. Something discreet. Something manipulative. But something veiled in honesty and politeness. Something Slytherin.

Suddenly getting an idea, Severus started looking around the lavishly decorated livingroom with interest.

Just as he expected, Lucius followed his gaze and his smile widened. "Enjoying the view?"

"Yes, sir. You have a beautiful home. I'm ashamed to say I hadn't noticed it before."

"Well, of course. I was quite busy when you were here last and I didn't have enough time to show you around, unfortunately."

There. His perfect opening. Severus straightened up and tried to look like an eager ten year old.

"Do you have some time now, sir? I mean, I'll understand if you don't, of course, but…"

"Of course! Of course! Would you like to look around right now?"

Smiling widely and acting as if Lucius had just granted him an enormous priviledge, Severus nodded.

Lucius put his glass down and stood up. Turning around, he slowly sauntered around the room, already pointing out various paintings and statues and explaining their origins.

Severus kept a smile plastered on his face as he followed him, resisting the urge to smirk at the man behind his back. Now they were getting somewhere.

XXXXXX

"—and of course my grandfather couldn't say no to a gift from the Bulgarian minister of magic himself, so he graciously accepted it."

Severus widened his eyes with what he hoped was awe as he stared at the ugliest set of candlesticks he had ever laid eyes on.

"The Bulgarian minister? Really?"

Lucius waved that aside as if it wasn't a big deal. "Yes, yes. A family friend for many years."

They had been touring around the entire house, even visiting Severus' former room, which was currently unoccupied. Lucius even brought him down into the dungeons which reminded Severus greatly of his own Father's dungeons and workshop, but he smiled and pretended to be impressed when he said that even master would be impressed by it. Lucius had chuckled and said it was wonderful that he was so well versed in what their master liked and didn't like.

As they were walking through the lower floor, they passed by a small door leading to the kitchen, which Severus well remembered. When they were about to climb the stairs out of the dungeons, his mark suddenly tingled, detecting the presence of an enormous amount of magic. From the tingling, Severus realized it wasn't dark magic which was attracting his mark, but the large amount of it. Carefully moving his hand around, he felt the mark flare up closest to the wall. Keeping his face carefully interested in whatever Lucius was saying,—something about the tiles in the floor having been imported from Norway— Severus glanced at the wall beside him. He noticed some of the stones in the wall appeared to have a jagged line running through them. It wasn't enough to make him pause, but the fact that his mark really liked whatever was behind the wall, made him immediately curious. There was something behind that wall. Something which Lucius had taken great pains to cover. And since nobody but Death Eaters carried a magical detector on them at all times, it wouldn't be noticeable to anybody else.

"_Bird, I think I've just found where we need to look_."

"_Are you certain what we need is behind that wall_?"

"_Fawkes, we've seen everything else in the house. I doubt he keeps lists transfigured as ugly candlesticks. It would get too confusing. Besides, he'd have to have hundreds of lists and ways of monitoring the potentials progress. It would all take up too much room. It must be in that room back there_."

"_And how are we supposed to get in there_?"

"_I don't know! Why can't you ever think of something_?"

"_I'm not a Slytherin_!"

"_What, and Gryffindors never come up with plans? The headmaster comes up with the most brilliant schemes I've ever heard of, bird_."

"_Oh, don't be horrid! Alright, we need to think of something which will buy us time_."

Time. Alright. They needed time, and plenty of it. Enough to browse through a room which was probably heavily warded.

Severus followed Lucius' chattering form back up the stairs and into the livingroom. Narcissa was standing by the fireplace, loudly laughing over something someone in the fire was saying.

"Narcissa! Come see who dropped by for a visit."

Narcissa turned around and stared at Severus. At first, her nose slightly wrinkled but when her eyes landed on the collar around her neck, a phoney smile immediately flickered over her face and she swept over to him.

"Oh, it's wonderful to see you again, Severus, isn't it?"

Severus gave her a polite smile and nodded. "Your husband was just showing me around the manor."

She laughed airly. "Oh, I hope you found something to be impressed by in our humble little hovel."

Severus was momentarily tempted to tell her that he had seen hovels more comfortable than this house, but he swallowed it and smiled instead. "Oh, very much so, Mrs. Malfoy."

"Oh, call me Narcissa, darling."

He couldn't help but notice that she had her left sleeve rolled up and there was a bandage wrapped around her mark. Seeing his gaze, she quickly pulled her sleeve down. Severus resisted the urge to smirk, having recognized the smell of numbing herbs coming from the bandage. So little Lady Malfoy with her nose stuck in the air still couldn't deal with her mark stinging a bit months after initiation. He couldn't wait to tell Bella.

While Fawkes chuckled in his head, Severus started yawning widely.

"I can't wait to get back to master and tell him what a lovely home you have."

That caught both of their attention. They both turned and smiled widely at him.

"I cannot believe that our master would be so interested in our affairs."

He isn't, Severus wanted to say. But he needed to find a way to spend a night in the manor.

"Oh, he's always interested in the lives of his masters and their families. He will be so pleased to hear how kind you have been to me."

Both of their eyes momentarily drifted down to the collar on his neck. Lucius smiled.

"And you will be informing him of course that our little tour did nothing to interfere with my work for him."

Severus pretended to look shocked. "Of course not, sir!"

"Call me Lucius, please, Severus."

"Of course not, Lucius! If anything, master will be most impressed that you took time out of your busy schedule to show me around."

"Does he often ask you about us?"

"Oh, yes. He is always very concerned that Bella and I are treated with upmost respect by his other servants."

He yawned again and stretched as if he was suddenly very tired.

Narcissa smiled at him and then glanced at her husband, wiggling her eyebrows in Severus' direction.

Lucius seemed to catch onto whatever she was trying to tell him and he pretended to think something over before widening his eyes as if an idea had suddenly occurred to him.

"Severus, you seem quite tired. Could I possibly offer you our home for tonight?"

"Oh, no, Lucius. I couldn't. I don't want to be any additional trouble."

"Trouble?" Narcissa laughed airily again, sounding eerily like Bella for a moment. Only Bella's laugh was slightly more enjoyable. "You could never be any trouble, Severus! Why, I will have the elves prepare a feast for the occasion immediately! And you will have one of the rooms upstairs. Would you want your old room, darling?"

Not really wanting to set foot into the room but knowing that he could easily slip from that room into the dungeon, he eagerly nodded.

His eyes shining, he bit his lip, staring at them both as if he couldn't believe he was allowed to stay with them for a night.

"Master will be so pleased to hear about your hospitality and concern for me."

Lucius and Narcissa continued smiling widely at him while exchanging triumphant glances. When they both swept off to arrange for dinner and make sure his room was perfect, Severus stared after them.

Only after the door closed did he allow himself to smirk.

XXXXXX

"_I despise this sneaking around business most of all! Have I mentioned that? I'd even rather go back and visit Her Highness_!"

Ignoring Fawkes, Severus crept down the stairs to the dungeons, Gorgon at his heels. His elf had accompanied him to the Malfoy manor and spent the day helping the Malfoy elves in the kitchen. His presence had gone completely unnoticed by the Malfoy's and the elves were used to strange elves accompanying their masters to various places and socializing with them.

They came to a stop before the closed kitchen door, behind which they heard elves singing loud drinking songs and laughing. They quickly crept past it and continued to the place in the wall where his mark was pulling him.

Severus glanced around himself, making sure they were still alone. Using his wand, Severus gently tapped the ward before the part of the wall which was actually the door.

"Shit. We need a password."

Gorgon frowned. "That not good."

"No. Bird, can you apparate me inside without setting off any alarms?"

"_Into a warded room? We don't even know what's inside it_!"

"Well, that's the point of this little excursion, isn't it?! Now, answer the question."

Fawkes loudly sighed in his head. "_Yes, I can. Just give me a moment. It's hard to do when I'm in this form_."

Gorgon took a step back from them. "I stay and keep watch. If young master hears Gorgy clap three times, it means somebody about to come into room, alright?"

Severus nodded, feeling a tingle of magic surrounding him. "Just be careful, elf."

"Young master be careful too."

Deep within his mind, Severus heard Fawkes starting to trill loudly. He suddenly felt himself becoming disconnected from his body and felt Fawkes presence expanding.

"_Bird, what are you doing_?"

The trilling paused momentarily. "_I'm concentrating. Now, be quiet_."

Moments later, the trilling reached a louder pitch and Severus felt himself being yanked through the door as if it didn't exist.

As suddenly as it had started, Fawkes stopped trilling and Severus felt himself withdrawing into that little corner of his mind.

"_There. Now hurry up and look around so we can leave_."

Severus took a moment to listen for any detectors going off, but he heard none. Lucius must feel secure enough about his concealing charm and protective ward guarding the door to forgo keeping any detectors inside the room.

It was only when he was sure that they were momentarily safe that Severus glanced around. And he froze.

The entire room was filled with watches. Hundreds of golden pocket watches hung on the wall, drifted around the room and littered the small desk which lay in far corner, quietly ticking.

Severus frowned as he stepped closer to one of the watches.

Being careful not to touch it, he leaned closer until he could read the face of the watch. Elegantly inscribed in the middle of it in black, cursive writing was a name.

_John Gunningan (Dublin, Ireland)_.

The edge of the watch didn't have any numbers on it, but instead, had several locations inscribed. But unlike the watches Severus had seen in some homes he had raided where the locations were simple and direct, these locations were eerily specific. 5690 Wellingdon Road (Home). Reginald Arcade (Frequented Afternoon). Warrington (School). Number 16 Jericho Place (Percy Willingdon's Home – Best Friend). At the moment, the large hand on the watch was pointed at School.

Severus felt numb.

Staring around the room, he gaped at the hundreds of small watches, all of them ticking quietly as they monitored every move their 'potential' made.

This was how Lucius knew. This was how the man could magically appear whenever one of his potentials was in a place away from prying eyes where he could talk to them in private and start filling their heads with false dreams and hopes.

"_Severus! Don't just stand there! I know you're shocked but we were expecting something like this, weren't we? Hurry up and do something so we can get out of here_!"

Severus quickly pulled himself out of his shock. He spied a bin in the corner which was overflowing with watches which weren't ticking anymore and were covered in dust and grime. Potentials who had become initiates.

Severus knew that his watch was in there somewhere. And Regulus' watch too. For a moment, he was tempted to dig through it and find his own, but he pushed that aside. There were hundreds of watches in there and he didn't have time to waste.

Quickly, he conjured up a piece of parchment and a quill. "_Alright, bird. We need to write down all of these names_."

"_All of them? There must be over two hundred_!"

"_Are you going to help me or not_?!"

Fawkes sighed. "_Alright, alright. Put down that useless quill and just hold your hand over each of the watches. I'll make sure it gets on the parchment_."

Severus stuffed the quill into his pocket and quickly went to the wall. Gently holding his hand over Eleanor Dorwall's watch (who was currently at home in London – 413 Meadows Lane), Severus felt a tingle of Fawkes' magic flowing through him and glanced down at the parchment where Eleanor's name had suddenly appeared.

Ignoring the feeling of rage which was threatening to seize him, Severus moved his hand over. He had to stay focused. He couldn't give in to his emotions right now. Not when that door might open at any moment and Lucius could stride through.

Just the very thought brought such a thrill of fear running down his spine that he clenched his jaw and moved his hand faster, barely giving Fawkes enough time to magically transfer the name onto the parchment.

As they went past the desk, Severus spied large rolls of parchment on them. Squinting at them and resisting the urge to move them, he saw large, crudely drawn family trees on them. Frowning, he leaned closer. At the top of the diagram was written 'Black' in large, flowing letters. He skimmed past the names of people's great-grandparents—including Phineas Nigellus—and paused when he found some more familiar names. Bella's name had a neat little check mark beside it, including Narcissa's. There was another name—Andromeda—between their names, but this one had been crossed out. Moving over slightly, he saw Sirius' name, which had also been crossed out, and Regulus' name right beside him. There had been a question mark next to him, which had been crossed out and replaced by a triumphant check mark. Severus felt the bile rising in his throat and wanted nothing more than to blow this room to pieces.

When they were about half way through the room, Severus suddenly heard loud voices outside the door. Spinning around, he dove behind the desk and yanked his wand out, Fawkes screeching in his head.

Hardly daring to breathe, he clenched his jaw, listening for footsteps. Any second, Lucius would come through the door and Severus' life would be over. There was no way he could explain what he was doing in here with a list of potentials in his hands. Lucius would drag him to master and there, Severus' life would end.

"—so what did you say name was again?" His elf's cheerful voice asked quite loudly.

"Dobby." Came the short, terse response, laced with suspicion.

"Oh, Dobby! Oh, Gorgy should have remember! Oh, terrible sorry. Terrible."

"Why is Gorgy shouting? Must keep quiet. Will wake master!"

"What? Terrible sorry but Gorgy not too good with hearing anymore! Dobby must speak loud! Now, Dobby saying something about making something faster?"

"No, no. I said you wake master!"

"Oh, master! I not seeing him. So, why Dobby not in kitchen, drinking good butterbeer?"

"It Dobby's responsibility to clean floors in dungeon and in—in very important room."

"Which room?"

Severus closed his eyes, praying that his elf would steer Dobby away from the—very important—room.

"Important room."

"Oh, kitchen? Oh, very pretty door kitchen has! Does Dobby clean door too?"

"No. Dobby just clean floor."

"You knowing what? Gorgy meaning to ask for long time how Dobby clean these floors! They very beautiful clean."

"Dobby thanks Gorgy. Uhm, Dobby not doing much to them. Just use special cleaner."

"Oh, special cleaner?"

"Yes, yes. Dobby made own cleaner. Helps get blood off floor easier. These tiles very expensive. From Norway."

"Made own cleaner? Grindelwald! That fantastic! Could Gorgy see this cleaner? Would be most grateful if Dobby would show cleaner to Gorgy."

"Of course. It not much but—"

"Not much?! Of course it much! If keep these tiles so beautiful clean then is much! Dobby too modest!"

"Oh, Gorgy so nice, so nice. Well, if Gorgy want, can bring to kitchen and show cleaner."

"Oh, that fantastic! Gorgy so happy!"

Their voices drifted off as they went into the kitchen and closed the door behind them.

Severus remembered how to breathe again.

"_Oh, that was too close! Thank heavens for Gorgon_!"

Severus took a few, slow breaths, trying to calm his near hysteria. They were safe. For now.

"_Fawkes, when this is over, we're buying Gorgon the biggest chunk of chocolate we can find_."

Pushing himself up, he hurried over to the wall and held his hand over the next name. Working feverishly without speaking anymore, the two of them continued copying down names, but both of them listened with mounting fear for any sound outside the door.

It was only when they had snuck back up the stairs and hurried into Severus' room and found Gorgon sitting on his bed, grinning, that they managed to relax.

"Is young master alright?"

"Yes, Gorgon. You were brilliant."

Gorgon waved a hand dismissively and smiled, pulling a piece of parchment out of his pillow case.

"It nothing. Headmaster be very happy with us. Not only get list of potentials, but also get great floor cleaning solution recipe. Headmaster be most happy."

Severus went to sleep snorting into his pillow with muffled laughter, and Fawkes hissing at him to be quiet.


	10. Chapter 10

Path of Shaded Light 

Chapter 10

Author's Note: I know, I know, I know. I'm terribly late. I know and apologize for that, but my schedule at school and work have been so hectic, it's unbelievable. I've finally managed to finalize both of my schedules so writing from now on will be done at a steady, but slow pace. I'm sorry, but going to school five days a week and working five days a week doesn't leave me a lot of time, but I'll do my best. As always, thank you for the lovely and inspiring feedback! Hope you all enjoy the next part!

_Arafel2_ – Thank you very much. I hope you like the next chapter just as much!

_Rosaleen_ – Am I still in your good books where updating is concerned? I sure hope so, even though I don't deserve it. I'm glad you liked the watches, I did too. My muse completely took me by surprise with that one.

_Patty_ – As usual, thank you for the feedback and the good questions. Lucius finds out about potential recruits from his many, many connections in Europe. Older students in other magical schools act as his little 'spies' and tell him about brilliant, young loners or angry outcasts or anybody else who they feel would like having a cool tattoo on their left arm. Also, he doesn't bother trying to find a way to hide the magical aura of the room anymore than he does because just as you said, no DE would care about it, in fact, they would probably be honored to see it. Lastly, Sev will be getting a little bit more practice with lying to Voldie in upcoming chapters. Hope you keep reading and thanks for keeping me on my toes!

_Nemo Returning_ – Thank you for your well-wishes although I'm sorry that I've disappointed you with my updating skills—or rather, lack of. Sev is quite mad at me too but Gorgon understands.

_CuriousDreamWeaver_ – My cold is done and gone with and if any of the kids I teach sneeze on me, I'm going to sneeze right back on them. It's one of the hazards of working with kids five days a week. Anyway, I'm glad you liked the chapter. I'm afraid Gorgon isn't in this next bit a lot, but everybody else is.

_Hpfreakout_ – Thanks! Hope you like the next part!

_Da-kobsta_ – Thank you! _Raven blushes_ I'm sorry for keeping you in suspense but I have a lot of stuff going on right now. As for how many chapters this is going to be, I have no idea. Maybe there will be a third part covering Harry's years in school and the final battle. I don't know. We'll have to wait and see what my muse says.

_Snape coolgirl_ – Gorgon is one smart cookie, huh? I love the old guy! I'm thrilled you liked the chapter and I hope you like the next one too!

_Go You Big Red Fire Engine_ – Thank you for taking the time to review! Yes, Fawkes is one of my favourite characters too and I'm glad you like him as much as I do. Just wait until we get to the CoS years. I'll be doing it from Sev's view and he'll be berating Fawkes for ditching Harry like that with only the sword to help him. It'll be hilarious. As for what happens on Oct. 31st, 1981, we still have a long time to go until then and I'd hate to ruin things for you. I'll give you a clue thought. _looks around to make sure she's not being overheard and then leans over to whisper quietly_ Evans and Potter are going to die. _gasp_ Shh! Don't tell anybody.

'Fate is only what we make of it. Everyday we make a thousand choices. Do I turn left, or right? Do I drink water or do I drink wine? Fate is where, in the end, all these choices lead us. It is nothing less, nothing more. Just because you cannot escape fate doesn't mean you can't shape it.'

- Al-Mama, 'The Dark Remains'

Oct. 20th, 1979

5690 Wellingdon Road

Dublin, Ireland

Lily took a deep breath and plastered a polite smile on her face as she reached up to check on the pile of blond hair which she had pinned up on top of her head.

How Maggie Sheradon put up with this much hair every morning was beyond her. The only positive aspect of it was that she lost quite a few strands wherever she went, which had made Sirius' job of flirting with her and taking a few of them relatively easy.

Satisfied that her hair wouldn't fall down in the next five seconds, she reached out and knocked on the small door before her.

Moments later, the door was opened and an elderly lady greeted her.

"Good morning, Mrs. Gunningan. My name is Maggie Sheradon. I'm the transfiguration teacher at John's school. Do you have a moment?"

She prayed to Merlin that her accent was enough to fool Mrs. Gunningan. She had spent three days practicing, but the fact that Maggie moved from England to Ireland five years ago would give her a good excuse if anybody frowned at her.

"Oh, of course, dear. Please, come in."

Lily followed her inside and smiled as she was offered a seat in the livingroom. Mrs. Gunningan insisted on going to get her some tea, which Lily wanted to refuse, but didn't want to appear rude.

When the bustling old lady had come back and had poured Lily a cup—to which Lily was forced to add sugar and cream since that was the way Maggie always drank it, according to Sirius—Mrs. Gunningan finally sat down.

"So, I hope Johnny's not in any trouble."

Not yet, Lily wanted to say. But instead, she smiled politely, plastering a frown of mild concern on her face. "It's more his attitude which is concerning me. Several of his teachers have remarked that he lost all interest in his studies in the past few months and that he's been skiving quite a bit as well."

"Johnny? I don't believe it. He was always such a quiet, studious lad."

Lily forced herself to keep smiling. Apparently Johnny kept his grandmother well in the dark about spending most of his afternoons playing arcade games with his friend Percy and meeting a certain blond haired Englishman a few times a week.

"We've become quite concerned and I was just wondering if there had been any problems with John here at home."

His grandmother frowned slightly, but then shook her head. "Well, there was, but that's all in the past, he says it's fine now."

"What's fine now?"

"Well, his parents separated late last year, you see and his mother—my daughter—got custody. Johnny was against it, poor lad. He wanted to stay with his father so badly, but his mother didn't want him to have anything to do with him."

"May I ask why?"

"Oh, he's a nice enough man, I'll give him that, but he's lazy and completely unwilling to change. So anyway, his mother travels quite a bit and we wanted him to keep going to Warrington— you know how difficult it is to move from magical school to magical school."

Lily nodded, pretending to have a clue. "Of course."

"So we decided he'd stay here with me. He's grown up in Dublin and his father lives just on the outskirts, but his mother doesn't want him to have anything to do with him."

"Were Johnny and his father close?"

"Oh, extremely. They went everywhere together and talked about anything. His father even taught Johnny to play Quidditch when he was just a little lad and they played together at least once a week."

Lily fiddled around with her tea cup, pretending to think very hard about the situation.

"If I may say so, Mrs. Gunningan, I think Johnny would be much happier if you would allow him to see his father from time to time. I understand his mother wouldn't like it, but it would make Johnny much happier, and that's what's most important, isn't it?"

She sighed heavily. "Well, yes, I suppose. The poor lad's been so quiet since he moved in with me."

Sev had been quiet too a few years ago, she wanted to say, but didn't.

"Perhaps if you spoke to Johnny about this and told him that as long as he goes to school regularily, keeps his grades up and swears to tell you when things aren't going the way he wants them to, then you'll allow him to see his father."

"Oh, but his mother, you don't know my daughter."

"Your daughter needs to understand that this is what's best for her son and if she doesn't, then I'm sorry but she doesn't deserve to have full custody."

"She's always provided him with everything he needs—"

"There's more to being a good parent than making sure your child has the books, clothes and games he wants, Mrs. Gunningan. Much more. And I think his father will be able to provide these other aspects."

The elderly lady sighed heavily again. "Oh, Cecilia won't be pleased about this at all."

"Why don't you let me help? Send your daughter an owl and ask her to come home for a few days. We'll all sit down with John's father and work something out. Something which will benefit all of you, but most importantly, benefit Johnny."

Mrs. Gunningan smiled softly and reached out and clasped one of Lily's hands. "Oh, thank you. Johnny will appreciate this."

Yes, and hopefully, he'll start needing and appreciating Lucius Malfoy a little less. Smiling, Lily excused herself, thanking her for tea and giving her a fake address in Dublin—which didn't actually exist and owl's would go directly to Hogwarts instead.

Walking down the street to a safe alleyway in which she could start the long apparation process back to her own country, she allowed herself a triumphant smile.

It wasn't much, but hopefully, John Gunnigan wouldn't be at initiation the coming summer and Mister Red Eyes would have one less innocent, hurt child to destroy.

Nov. 5th, 1979

The Dark Manor

"Elf, light the other torch in the corner, would you? I can hardly read this scribble as it is."

Gorgon sighed, rubbed his temples and snapped his fingers at the nearby torch, watching it flare to life and add a bit more light to the room.

Severus barely glanced up from the heavy book he was leafing through. Scraps of parchment and books littered his desk and his and Gorgon's fingers were stained with ink.

Frowning and ignoring the onset of the headache he could feel coming on, Severus gently turned another page. The ancient demon language was difficult enough to translate but most of the writing was so illegible it appeared to have been written by someone with two fingers.

Gorgon glanced up and saw his young charge frowning and rubbing his temples.

"Headache?"

"It's nothing," Severus mumbled, not looking up.

"It not nothing. Young master want headache potion?"

"It's not that kind of a headache, elf. I'm just tired and irritated with this damn demon junk and the Banshees are taking advantage of it."

Gorgon nodded and went back to sorting through the scraps of parchment which had accumulated on the desk over the past two weeks.

Silence filled the small room until it was broken by a quiet knock on the door. Severus glanced up, absentmindly rubbing the medallion hanging on his neck.

"Why on earth is Bella knocking? The woman never knocks."

"Maybe she getting some manners."

Severus snorted. "Right. Like that would ever happen." He glared at the door. "Either come in or stay out there but either way, be quick about it. I haven't got all day."

The door quietly opened and Regulus shyly peeked into the room.

"Uhm, hi."

Severus frowned at him, slightly taken aback. "Oh, hey. Come in."

Regulus slipped inside and quietly shut the door behind him. "Am I disturbing you?"

"To be honest, yes."

Gorgon gave him a stern look at the rudeness but Severus didn't really care. Regulus had no business being in his room, especially when he was busy.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I just thought—I'm sorry. I'll leave."

He turned back to the door and was about to open it again when Severus felt his elf's stare digging into his head.

He sighed and slammed the heavy book shut. "No, don't apologize. I'm sorry I was rude. I've been reading junk all day and my head is about to explode."

Regulus glanced over the pile of books and parchment on the desk. "Is this for the Dark Lord's experiment?"

Severus nodded but didn't elaborate. Master didn't want everybody knowing about his plan in case it failed.

Regulus' eyes widened slightly as he saw the writing in one of the books. "Oh, wow. That's not—that's not—"

"English? No, although I wish it were," Severus smiled grimly.

"You can read ancient demon languages?"

"I didn't want to but some of these words are too old to even be in the books master loaned me so I had to learn some of it. Luckily most of it is in Dyrulian so I didn't have to learn a dozen languages. I couldn't have a fluent conversation with anybody but I can at least get through a page in about half an hour whereas last week it would take me all day."

"Wow. That's impressive."

Severus snorted again. "Yes, speaking Dyrulian is quite useful in our world. I'll have lots of opportunities to converse with people."

Regulus smiled quietly as he glanced around the room, his eyes scanning the many shelves filled with books and various jars of potion ingredients.

Severus fiddled with the quill in his hands, getting ink all over his robe in the process but not having the energy to care. He glanced at Regulus out of the corner of his eye.

"So what brings you here? I thought everybody was out muggle baiting or something equally amusing."

"Yeah, I—I didn't really want to go."

Severus nodded, not saying anything. He knew exactly how Regulus felt. He himself had used his research as an excuse not to go. It hadn't taken long to convince master that this was much more important than torturing some poor, innocent muggles in some town. In a way, it really was.

"Why didn't you go?"

Severus jerked his chin at the books on the table. "I couldn't spare the time. Master wants this phase of the experiment finished with as soon as possible."

"I see."

They feel into an uneasy silence again before Regulus sighed. "Well, I guess I'll go. I know you're very busy."

Severus exchanged a look with Gorgon, who raised an eyebrow at him.

"If you want, you can stay here. I mean, there's almost nobody else here. I have some books on those shelves you might find interesting. Most of them are potion books but I think there's some famous jinx books in there too," Severus said, remembering the books he and Gorgon had read together since he was a small child.

Regulus grinned and nodded. "That would be great. Thanks. I'll be quiet and stay out of your way. I just didn't like sitting in my room all by myself."

Severus gave him a small smile and jerked his head towards his chair by the fire. "Make yourself at home."

Regulus went to the bookshelf and carefully pulled down one of the old, frayed books Severus and Gorgon had taken from their old manor many, many years ago. Going over to the large chair, he tossed his mask and cloak onto the ground and sat down, opening the book.

Severus turned away from him and opened his own book, submersing himself in Dyrulian growth spurts again.

Gorgon quietly sorted through another pile of parchment, sighing softly when he saw the two eighteen year olds quietly reading, both of them momentarily far away from the evil world they had both been pulled into.

Nov. 14th, 1979

The Underworld

Smacking her lips and wiping a trickle of blood off her upper lip, Lady Agaria smiled and lifted her glass up.

"Superb, thank you Severus."

Severus nodded, smiling slightly.

She tilted her head at him and slightly narrowed her eyes. "You think it is funny that I like rat blood?"

"No, my Lady. Not at—"

She waved a hand at him. "None of that, Severus. I am not Thomas Riddle. Unlike him, I do not rely on magical means of reading a person's true intentions. I have had thousands of years of practice and can tell anything just from a person's face. So, please do not lie to me."

Blushing slightly and feeling slightly intimidated, Severus ducked his head.

"And do not duck your head like that. Once again, I am not Thomas. I do not demand my subjects fear me, and especially not my guests or friends."

Not really knowing in which category she considered him, Severus nevertheless told himself to be careful.

"_Yes, excellent advice, Severus. I realize her Highness doesn't act like Lord High and Mighty but do remember she is one of the most powerful demons in existence_."

"_I'm not stupid, bird_."

His thoughts were interupted by Lady Agaria's laughter. Sipping her glass, she set it down.

"Oh, that bird of yours certainly is humorous."

"_Aaaahhh_! _She heard me! She heard me! Why in the name of Merlin did she hear me_?!"

Severus' eyes widened and panic threatened to overwhelm him. He barely heard Fawkes screams of fear and demands that they get out of here.

"Oh, do not be frightened, Severus. I knew about that bird as soon as you walked in. I can see magical auras around people unlike humans can. I could see his mingled with yours as soon as you walked through my door. So, I do not think Thomas knows about this wonderful bird of yours?"

Severus gaped at her, still frozen with fear. "No," he managed to gasp out, his fingers digging into the edges of his chair even though his mind—and Fawkes—were screaming at him to take out his wand or move or do something.

She laughed again and clapped her hands. "Wonderful. Simply wonderful. What intrigue! You have betrayed your master. Oh, how marvelous! I never thought I would find one who had the brains and the courage to do it. You really are an interesting person, Severus Snape. Do not fear, however, I have no desire to discuss anything with Thomas, especially this. We simply have a business arrangement and after it is fulfilled, he can go and do whatever he wants and I won't be interested in the least. This little experiment of his has intrigued me, that is all."

Severus slowly calmed down and mentally hissed at Fawkes to settle down.

"So, you were curious about my liking rat blood and why I asked you to bring a bottle when you came, hm? It is simple. I have had a love for rat blood since I was young and no matter how many fine delicacies people keep bringing me, I will always have that one guilty pleasure. As for why I wanted you to bring me a bottle, the rats down here simply do not taste as good as those in your world. Maybe it is the lack of sunshine or the things they eat, I do not know. All I know, is that I love rat blood from your world. But please, do not tell Braxis I have indulged. He thinks it is quite, uhm, unbecoming, if that is the way you say it in English."

She drained her glass in one gulp and then smacked her lips again, her violet eyes sparkling as she licked her fangs with her two pronged tongue. "Marvelous," she set her glass down and then clapped her hands. "So, shall we proceed?"

Without waiting for a response, she pushed herself up and glided towards the door of her chambers.

Severus sat stunned in his chair, still trying to wrap his mind around the idea that the demon mistress of the underworld knew his little secret and didn't give a damn.

"_Well, don't just sit there, Severus! Get up and follow her! She might not care about your little betrayal business but you still don't want to keep her waiting_."

An amused laugh drifted over to them. "Quite right, phoenix. Quite right."

Severus immediately stood up and stumbled after her, his fingers digging into the bag of potions and parchment he had brought with him.

He followed her out of her chambers and down long, twisting corridors. Along the way, Severus nearly stumbled over a few tiles in the floor. Swearing under his breath, he stopped and quickly muttered the dark illumination charm under his breath. Once his fingers were glowing, he stuck the flames into his eyes and the darkness immediately becoming flooded with blue fire.

Lady Agaria had paused and watched him with interest. "What an amusing little charm. Quite useful."

"It is, my Lady. I learned it many years ago."

"It is good. I like people who learn practical magic, not just flamboyant and pretentious things. By the way, your phoenix is more than welcome to assume his alternate form here. Nobody will care or question his presence when you are with me."

Fawkes was about to launch into a protest, but Severus quietly assured him that it would be alright. Severus felt the bird's presence slowly leaving him and with a burst of small light, Fawkes materialized beside him. Swooping around once, he landed on Severus' shoulder and shook himself out.

They continued walking, often meeting other demons along the way, who all bowed at Lady Agaria as they swept by. She smiled at all of them and often stopped to converse with them in their own language, laughing and nodding at them.

They finally reached a large chamber, whose doors opened as they approached them. Going inside, Severus was momentarily stunned by the sheer size of the room. It was filled with hundreds of beds, nearly all of them occupied by ill looking demons.

Lady Agaria swiftly made her way through the rows of beds, stopping occasionally to speak to some of them or the demons who were hurrying around and attending to the patients.

Severus' head was spinning with the different demon languages being shouted and grunted around him and the nauseating smells coming from some of the beds.

Lady Agaria finally paused by one of the beds and motioned at the still, pale demon lying on it. The demon looked quite young and also quite ill. His or her face was shimmery with blue perspiration and the child was writhing on the bed, claws tearing the bed cloths to shreds.

"This is one of our Dyrulian and Megurite hybirds. Her name is Mizea and she is in the advanced stages of the integration."

Severus frowned as the stepped closer to the bed. The child's arms were covered in the dark blue scales which were characteristic of Dyrulians, but the skin was torn and sore looking around the vicious spikes which had torn through it, her Megurite physiology trying to assert itself.

Lady Agaria tossed a strand of hair over her shoulder and stepped back.

"So, time to see what you can do, Severus Snape."

Nervousness seeped into him and Severus considered backing down and saying he couldn't do this, but a small voice within him—which eerily sounded like Salazar Slytherin—hissed at him not to be a coward and that he was smart enough and prepared enough to do this.

Putting his bag down, he opened it and pulled out one of the vials he had prepared. Opening it, he swirled it around.

"This is a cream which should sooth her skin a bit and make it less sensitive until the spikes have completely emerged."

The demon mistress held out her hand and Severus handed her the vial. Sniffing it and frowning at it, she dipped a finger inside and dapped a bit onto her own skin. After staring at her hand for a bit, she nodded and handed the vial back to him.

Severus dipped his finger inside and was about to put a little bit onto Mizea's skin, but the child hissed and jerked away from him, spitting and muttering at him in Dyrulian. Fawkes nearly fell off his shoulder at the sudden movement.

He held up his hands. "I not hurt you. I help try." He stammered out in broken Dyrulian, hoping to calm the child.

Lady Agaria laughed and clapped her hands. "Wonderful! But your accent is terrible."

Severus allowed himself a small grin. "With all due respect, my Lady, so is yours."

She laughed again. "That is what I like to hear!" Then she bent over and quietly spoke to Mizea in Dyrulian. Severus caught a few words and knew she was explaining who he was and what he was trying to do.

Finally, the child calmed down, her heavily lidded white eyes staring at him. He dipped his finger into the vial again and gently dabbed some onto her own skin.

He stared at her, holding his breath as he waited for her skin to erupt into flames or for Mizea to start screaming. Right after that, he would be the one doing the screaming as Lady Agaria killed him.

But nothing happened. Mizea lay perfectly still, until she sighed softly and murmured something in gutteral Dyrulian.

Lady Agaria smiled. "She says it feels good. Soothing."

"_Oh, thank Merlin_."

Severus slowly let out a breath and echoed Fawkes' sentiment as he moved closer and started applying the cream to the rest of her arms, especially the areas where the Megurite spikes had already started to emerge.

By the time it was done, Mizea appeared to be purring and nearly fast asleep. Severus smiled down at her, a good feeling flooding him. He loved knowing something he had made was doing good and not evil.

Lady Agaria smiled down at the sleeping demon child and gently brushed a hand over her short tuffs of blue hair. Then she turned to Severus.

"You have done very well, Severus Snape. I am impressed, and it is not often that I am impressed with humans. You will give our healers the recipe for the cream and instructions on how to make it. I am afraid the instructions will have to be very clear and easily understood."

"Of course. I have it right here with me."

"Excellent. Now, you will join me for another glass of—" she glanced around herself to make sure they were not being overheard. "—indulgence and we will discuss when Thomas will sent me some of his mindless minions to pick up his basilisk."

Turning around, she swept out of the room, Severus trailing after her. He couldn't help but lift his chin as he walked and feeling proud of himself. He didn't feel quite as small as he had when he had entered the room. He didn't completely understand why, but he felt the medallion on his chest glowing slightly with satisfaction.


	11. Chapter 11

Path of Shaded Light 

Chapter 11

Author's Note: I'm so sorry that this is so late but real life has been crazy, but I swear that I'm typing up the next chapter tonight so you'll see it in a few days. I hope nobody's very upset over the delay but school and work are evil mistresses and constantly demand my attention and time. As always, thank you for all the feedback and I hope this chapter lives up to whatever expectations people have!

'It's not objects which are truly fragile. It's us. Human beings. The capacity to feel, to suffer. To be broken by pain or tragedy. Or the capacity to transcend suffering somehow.'

- Lydia Kwa, 'This Place Called Absence'

Nov. 20th, 1979

The Dark Manor

"Why hasn't she contacted me yet?" Lord Voldemort spat, glaring into his fireplace.

Severus trembled slightly as he lay on the floor behind him. Master had been irritated and snarky for days, probably worried about having their experiment go off without a hitch.

"I don't know, my Lord. She said she would be contacting you soon."

"When?" he snarled.

Severus bit his lip. "She didn't say precisely, master."

Whirling around, the dark lord strode over to Severus and snapped his fingers. Immediately, Severus felt his mask flying off his face and felt his head being lifted up.

He stared up at his master, fear in his eyes as he trembled. He knew he would soon be punished for something. Master was never this angry without making somebody suffer for it.

"I think you are lying to me, Severus," he snarled, barely moving his pale lips.

Severus' eyes widened as his heart leapt into his throat. "I'm not, my Lord! I would never—"

"Silence! _Legilimens_!"

Immediately, Severus felt sharp razors digging through his eyes and into his mind. Thoughts and voices swirled around him in a confused haze. He felt his mind willingly opening up to his master's seering probe, not even trying to hide anything from him.

Severus felt Fawkes' presence quickly fleeing from his mind, but not before the bird hissed at him to concentrate.

He had been so unprepared for the probe that he could only watch as his master started tearing through his thoughts, images and memories whirling before his eyes. His hands digging into the black marble floor, he quickly moved his mind around the images master was sorting through and he quickly started suppressing anything which might give him away. Images of the headmaster speaking to him about the giants, and him standing in Lucius' secret room, writing down names, and Lady Agaria laughing as she expressed her amusement at his betrayal.

Sensing master's probe coming closer to Lady Agaria's laughing image, Severus ruthlessly squashed the image, and instead, started thinking about Mizea and Lady Agaria's careful testing of the cream on her own hand before allowing him to apply it to the hurt demon child.

He felt master's probe pause and carefully scrutinize that memory. While master studied it, Severus slowly forced his fear to leave him. He knew that he was shaking and master would immediately become suspicious of it. Sick terror still coursed through his veins as he forced his mind to keep cooperating with him. As master started withdrawing from his mind, Severus forced his fear to leave him.

When he became aware of the floor beneath his knees once more, Severus realized he was gasping for breath and sweating, his head dully throbbing from the painful intrusion.

"Hm. So you were telling the truth. I had expected nothing less. However, I am very disappointed that you made me doubt you, my precious serpent. Very disappointed."

Severus felt shame flooding him and he momentarily hated himself for making master doubt him. He was a terrible, terrible—his thoughts ground to a halt.

He had done nothing wrong. Nothing. He hadn't even lied to his master. He pushed away the realization as soon as it had come. Fear of master seeing it made him clutch his old fears and intense loathing at himself. He couldn't believe how easy it was to slip back into that role.

"I'm sorry, master," he whispered, a part of him still hating himself for saying it, but a part of him still glad that he was acknowledging the fact that he had done something so despicable. He had upset his master.

Before he could start sorting out the conflicting emotions within himself, he saw the Dark Lord going to his chair and sitting down, pulling his robes up.

"Come here, my serpent. Show your master how sorry you are to have upset him."

Pushing all thoughts out of his mind, Severus crept forward, his only focus now being to make his master happy again.

When he was done, he gently pulled the ruby red robes back down and wiped the corner of his mouth with his hand. Lying back down, he patiently waited for master to dismiss him.

Lord Voldemort sighed and rearranged his robes, before glancing down at Severus.

"My serpent has pleased me, as always, but I am still angry that I had to doubt you."

His heart sank in his chest as he heard the rustling of robes and the sound of master pulling out his wand.

"_Crucio_."

XXXXXX

The hard tiles felt cool against his cheek as he lay on the floor, trying to dull the fire raging in his body. He moved his arms slightly to try and stand up and swallowed a scream as pain flared within them.

Giving up, he lay still, trying to will the pain away. In the back of his head, he heard the Banshees starting to wail. Damn, he wanted his crystals. Just a little bit. Enough to make this pain go away.

"_Severus! Can you hear me_?"

Severus whinced as his still sore mind flared to life. "_Please be quiet, bird. My head is going to explode_—"

He felt a small tingle in the back of his mind and knew Bella was trying to open their link. The tingle grew and throbbed in his mind. He gingerly turned it on, bracing himself for the onslaught of more mental torture.

"_Sevvie! You're hurt! Where are you_?"

"_Master's chambers. Outside_," he managed to think before closing the link again.

"_Severus, let me heal you, it'll only take a moment_."

"_Fawkes, don't do anything. We are lying right outside master's rooms. If anybody came along and saw me walking around so soon after being punished, they would immediately become suspicious_."

"_I don't care about any of them! You are_—"

Severus groaned, squeezing his eyes shut against the pain in his body and mind. "_Please, Fawkes_."

"Sevvie!" A scream echoed down the corridor, and Severus momentarily thought it was Fawkes, but then he heard feet pounding towards him and a figure dropped to her knees beside him.

"Oh, Sevvie! I felt some of your pain through the bond even though it wasn't turned on! I was so worried! Did you anger master? Oh, I've told you so many times not to anger him. I don't like seeing my Sevvie hurt."

Bella tucked a strand of his hair off his cheek and gently stroked it.

"Bella, help me," he whispered, his voice hoarse from screaming.

Immediately standing, she snapped her fingers and levitated him up. Moving carefully so she wouldn't drop him, she started walking towards his room, keeping him floating beside her.

Severus whinced as his body was jarred by the sudden magical pull, but he bit his lip and kept quiet. He needed his elf.

As they walked, Bella started humming a song to herself, putting in nonsense words here and there.

"Do you like the song, Sevvie?"

"Yes—" He coughed from the dryness in his throat. "Yes, I do, Bella. It's beautiful."

She giggled and kept walking. "I made it up just for you."

He murmured something in response as they kept going, finally reaching his room. Before they entered, a group of people walked by them. Bella quickly shielded Severus' floating form and glared and hissed at them as they walked by, staring at her with confused frowns.

As soon as they disappeared around the corner, Bella spun back around, muttering his password at his wards and opening the door.

"Gorgon, Sevvie is terribly hurt. He needs help."

She pulled him through the door and gently dropped him on the bed. Severus sank into it with a grateful groan, closing his eyes.

He heard his elf muttering an Elfish curse as he came hurrying up, right away sending healing charms flowing through his body while he asked Bella to fetch him a painkiller potion.

"Is it this one, Gorgon?"

"No, no, Miss Bella. That hair removal potion."

"Oh, I thought it was this one. It's in such a pretty purple bottle. I thought Sevvie would like to drink from a purple bottle."

Severus coughed and smiled weakly while he kept his eyes closed.

"He might like purple bottle very much, Miss Bella, but he liking green bottle just as much."

"Green?"

"Yes, green one over there."

Severus knew Gorgon could have easily summoned the bottle to himself, but he wanted to give Bella something to do.

He felt his elf's hands on his face, urging him to open his mouth and swallow some of the potion. He took a sip, grimacing from the foul taste, but keeping it down.

His elf pulled the bed covers of him, pushing strands of his hair off his face and settling down beside him, holding his hand and quietly singing an Elfish song to him.

Severus squeezed Gorgon's hand as he felt sleep slowly overtaking him. His elf must have mixed a sedative into the potion, but he didn't mind.

Before he slipped into sleep, he felt something cool being put beside his face on the pillow.

"What is Miss Bella doing?"

"The purple bottle will make Sevvie feel better, Gorgon."

He felt her cool hand against his cheek for a moment before he heard her starting to hum again and walk out of the room, quietly closing the door behind her.

Gorgon sighed softly. "Miss Bella really is something."

Severus could barely muster a smile before he fell into a blissfull, painfree sleep.

Dec. 3rd, 1979

The Dark Manor

Everything was prepared. The masters stood in a ring around master's levitated form, who was stunned, completely unaware of what was happening. Severus glanced up at his floating master and felt a tinge of apprehension, not liking to see him so vulnerable. He momentarily glared at the masters, but knew that master trusted them so he had to as well.

He glanced down at the scrolls clutched in his hand and felt Bella coming up beside him.

"Are you ready, Sevvie?"

He nodded, mentally reviewing the entire procedure one more time. Nothing could go wrong. Nothing. One wrong move and the entire experiment would go awry, and in worst cases, master would die. Severus didn't even want to think about that.

Carefully, Severus walked over to the edge of the room, around which the enormous slumbering form of the basilisk lay, also peacefully stunned and completely unaware that it was about to shorten its lifespan quite considerably.

Severus still had a hard time looking the gigantic serpent in the face, the hair tingling on the back of his neck. Lady Agaria had blinded the basilisk before sending for Macnair and his assistants to come and get it, but Severus still wanted to be careful. After all, a basilisk wasn't a creature to be taken lightly.

Some masters were crouching around its head, muttering amongst themselves and reviewing the ancient spells under their breath.

Taking a deep breath, Severus shoved the scrolls into his pockets and straightened his mask. It was time.

Lucius glanced up from where he was staring at the basilisk with utter fascination and gave him a nod. "Let's do this then."

Taking Bella's hand, Severus stepped amongst the masters keeping his master levitated and gave them a nod. Slowly, he felt himself and Bella floating off the ground until they were lying beside master.

Turning on their bond, Severus and Bella started mentally chanting a strong strengthening charm, the magic flowing out of them and hovering over master's still form, a security measure they all hoped would keep master from dying if things went wrong.

Closing his eyes and concentrating, Severus forgot all about the masters keeping him levitated and the basilisk lying on the ground beneath him. All he thought about was the charm, mentally murmuring the words over and over again in sync with Bella, knowing his master depended on him to keep him safe. Nothing else mattered to him at that moment.

He had no idea how long he lay there, the words streaming around his mind before he heard a loud chorus of voices ringing through the chamber, ancient spells being woven in the air and swirling around him.

Feeling the magic seeping around him, he tried to ignore it, knowing he couldn't stop the charm.

The magic seemed to spin around him and slowly move towards master, engulfing him. The magic was so powerful that it nearly suffocated Severus but he forced himself to never lose his concentration.

Suddenly, he heard a loud, enraged hiss and shouts, but then he felt an enormous amount of magic slamming into him. He nearly fell down but grit his teeth and hoped the masters wouldn't drop him. He felt the magic slowly swirling around him and then moving over to where master lay.

He had no idea how long he kept chanting before he felt himself falling and slammed onto the hard tiles.

Groaning and blinking a few times, he drew in a deep breath, shaking from the magic which had been flowing from him for so long.

"_Are you alright, Bella_?"

"_I'm fine, Sevvie. How's master_?"

Severus pushed himself up and saw the masters crowding around master's still form, talking amongst themselves anxiously. Fear and panic crept into him as he imagined the worst. He felt tears nearly welling in his eyes and he was hardly aware of Bella gripping his hand.

He pushed his way through the masters and crept towards his master. He dropped to his knees beside him, staring at him with wide eyes.

His normally smooth, pale skin was covered in faint scales and his fingers seemed to have elongated.

Severus took a deep breath, shaking even harder. It had worked. "It worked. Grindelwald, it really worked," he whispered, relief flooding him.

The masters around him also sighed with relief and laughed out loud, clapping each other on the back.

Bella hurried over to master's other side and bent over him, muttering "_Enervate_" gently at his still form.

Slowly, Lord Voldemort opened his eyes and Severus nearly recoiled. The ruby red eyes were still the same but the pupils within them had turned into narrow slits, just like those of a basilisk.

"It worked, master. We think. You have taken on some of the physical appearances of the basilisk, which is what we were expecting," Severus breathed, desperately waiting for his master to speak.

Lord Voldemort slowly raised his arms up and carefully inspected the scales covering them. Then, a slow, satisfied smile of glee stretched across his pale face.

Pushing himself up, he ignored the hands reaching out to help him. Standing up, he slowly stretched, staring at him arms with fascination.

Then he turned and smiled at Severus and Bella. "We have succeeded," he said, hissing the words with what Severus saw was a two pronged, narrow tongue.

Relief filled Severus all over again and he felt like shouting with glee. They had pulled it off. They had managed to switch the life force of a wizard with that of a dark creature.

As Severus' tremors died away and Bella grabbed him in a wild hug, Lord Voldemort threw his head back and started laughing, a loud, triumphant laugh that echoed around the chamber and resonated through the wizarding world.

Tom Riddle had exchanged his life expectancy of 160 years with one of over 600 years. His dreams of immortality and power were dancing on the edge of his fingertips and all he had to do was reach out and grab them.

Dec. 17th, 1979

Hogwarts School

A small smile crept over the corners of the headmaster's mouth. "So Tom has succeeded?"

Severus nodded, his mouth full of scones. "It appears that way. His powers have also increased and his senses seemed to have been heightened somewhat. The stench in his own chambers is finally starting to irritate him."

Gorgon snorted. "Maybe now dark master will let elves clean mess in there. Corpses months old still lying in corners. It disgusting."

Fawkes shuddered from where he sat on his perch.

Severus rolled his eyes at his elf. "You hardly ever have to be in there so I don't see what you're complaining about."

Gorgon waved a dismissive hand at his young charge and frowned at the headmaster.

"So, aside from this being enormous magical accomplishment, this also big problem."

Albus slowly shook his head. "I don't believe so, Gorgon. Tom hardly ever leaves the manor so his heightened magical abilities won't directly effect anybody on the outside."

"No, only people inside suffer. Now he do crucio with flick of fingers. He do lots of practicing."

Severus didn't look at his elf and continued staring at his scone, hoping his elf wouldn't mention that most of that practicing had been done on him and Bella. The faint tremors in his hands had only stopped that morning and Severus hoped it wouldn't return until they had left Hogwarts. The headmaster already felt too much guilt where he was concerned and Severus didn't want to add to it.

Albus frowned, worry immediately evident on his face. "Is this true, Severus?"

Severus shrugged. "I've been watching him practice for days but he hardly ever touches Bella or myself."

He was surprised at how easily the lie slipped out. A few months ago, he would have never even considered lying to the headmaster, but now he knew he had to in order to protect him from unnecessary pain. It was eerie how quickly he was learning new skills and perfecting them.

There was a small knock on the door and before the headmaster could call for them to enter, it was thrown open and a red haired whirlwind swept inside, immediately hurrying to Severus and grabbing him from behind in a tight hug.

"Sev, you have no idea how relieved I always am to see you!"

Severus whinced momentarily from the twinge in his mark, but he squeezed her arms.

"I'd be just as glad to see you if you wouldn't squeeze the daylights out of me."

Laughing and swatting him on the shoulder, she released him and went to give Gorgon a hug too and stroke Fawkes, complaining to them about a stubborn bug she had picked up a few weeks ago which made her nauseous every damn morning.

Severus absentmindly rubbed at his mark, which was stinging much more than usual. Frowning, he carefully scanned the headmaster and noticed the usual sting but then moved his arm over to Evans, and his mark flared to life unnaturally painfully.

The headmaster was carefully studying him, a small smile on his face. Severus kept frowning as he glanced up at him. The blue eyes twinkled at him, urging him to figure it out by himself.

The stinging was still the same sort as that which all aurors caused his sensitive tattoo, but it had become heightened. Almost as if there were two aurors standing there…

Severus sighed softly. Great. "Well, congratulations, Evans."

She glanced at him from where she was eating a scone. She licked her fingers and raised an eyebrow. "Well, thank you," she mumbled, her mouth full. "I had no idea my ability to choose a scone was so admirable."

Severus snorted. "Not the scone, stupid. You."

"What about me?"

Severus raised both eyebrows and glanced at the headmaster, who was still smiling at him, his eyes twinkling. "Don't tell me she doesn't know. It must be over a month now."

"Some people are quite oblivious to some things, dear."

"Would you two stop this nattering and tell me what you're on about?"

Severus took a deep breath. "Evans, you're pregnant."

She stared at him for a moment before bursting out laughing. "Alright then. In that case," she stopped laughing and frowned seriously. "Sev, you're a natural blond."

She burst out laughing once more and shook her head as she stuffed another piece of scone into her mouth.

"Evans, I was serious. You're pregnant. More than a month now. How in the name of Merlin could you not know?"

"Alright, it's not funny anymore, Sev. I can't be pregnant. I just have a stomach flu or something."

"Evans, believe me, as much as the mental image brings me to the brink of hurling, you and Potter have been sleeping together for a long time."

She blinked and slowly sat down. "But we're always careful, Sev. We've always used protection spells."

Gorgon raised an eyebrow. "Always?"

She blushed slightly. "Well, maybe not always, but still…Sev, I…" Her voice drifted off and she stared at him, the news finally hitting her.

"I'm going to have a baby," she whispered.

Severus rolled his eyes and sighed. "That's usually the end result, yes." Unless you're Bella, but he didn't say that.

A brilliant smile lit up her face and she let out a whoop and spun around the office, her hand on her belly. "I'm going to have a baby, I'm going to have a baby!"

Gorgon was on his feet, congratulating her and the headmaster stood up and embraced her over the desk. "Congratulations, dear."

She pulled away and looked at him accusingly. "You knew, didn't you? As soon as I walked through the door."

"Well, yes, but I wanted to see if Severus could put two and two together."

She let out another cry of delight and yanked Severus to his feet, throwing her arms around him.

"Evans, calm down."

"Oh, don't be a git, Sev! Aren't you happy for me?"

He forced a small smile on his lips. "If you're happy, then I'm happy." He wanted to yell and scream at her that this wasn't a world into which an innocent being should be brought and that there were enough people suffering out there without adding to them, but he knew that she wasn't thinking about the war just now. She was just thinking about having a child.

His scatter brained, loud, fiery friend was going to be a mother.

His smile became genuine when he felt how happy she was.

"Well, I'm mighty sorry I'm going to miss seeing the look on Potters face when he hears."

She gasped and pulled away from him, eyes widening. "James! I completely forgot about James!"

Gorgon smirked. "Miss Lily best be remembering him quickly. This his baby too."

She pressed her lips together for a moment before shrugging. "He's working all day anyway, I'll just tell him when he gets home. But first, I'm throwing the mutt out of the house. It's none of his business."

She twirled around the office again before grinning at Sev. "Come on, let's go celebrate."

"Celebrate? The genetic combination of you and Potter? We should be having a candlelit ceremony to welcome the end of the world."

Gorgon narrowed his eyes at him for being rude and Evans laughed, smacking him on the arm. "Don't be terrible, Sev. Come on. We're going down to the kitchen and ransacking fridge and eating anything sweet that comes our way. And I get two helpings of everything, since I'm eating for two now." She smirked and spun out of the office, skipping down the revolving staircase.

Severus and Gorgon followed her, shaking their heads at her.

"Well, it good to have some good news finally, huh?"

Severus rolled his eyes. "Good news, elf? Potter's offspring being just months away from running rampant on this earth isn't good news."

"Young master not be—"

He held his hands up defensively, a small smile on his face. "As long as she keeps him or her far away from me, I'll be happy. I could hardly stomache having Potter senior around for seven years. I'm not putting up with having Potter junior running around me until the day I die."

"Young master being—"

His elf's scolding was cut short by Evans yelling up the stairs for them to hurry up since 'they' were getting hungry again.

Dec. 26th, 1979

The Dark Manor

Gasping for breath, Severus took another step, nearly falling flat on his face. He stumbled and tightened his hold on Bella's limp form.

"We're almost there."

She muttered something in response which he didn't hear but he kept going. When he reached his room, he pushed open the door and collapsed on the floor, Bella landing on him.

His elf was immediately by his side, muttering to both of them and levitating them onto the bed where he started scanning them and shaking his head at the results.

"Miss Bella's ribs broken and young master has deep cut on both hands."

Severus sighed at the softness of his bed as he felt his elf hurrying around, getting healing potions and bone knitting potions.

Sitting Bella up, Gorgon forced some between her lips. She coughed and some of it dribbled down her chin but Gorgon patiently wiped it off and coaxed some more into her.

She lay back down, grimacing as she paled and bit her lip, her eyes squeezed shut against the pain of her bones regenerating themselves. Her hand crept across the blanket and Severus clutched it, squeezing it reassuringly.

"I hate Crouch," she mumbled weakly.

"It's your own fault you didn't see that bone cruncher coming at you."

"I was trying to keep from falling flat on my face, Sevvie. It's hard to deflect properly when you're levitated. At least we nailed him and Dolohov properly."

Severus smiled softly, remembering the beautiful placed fire stream he had sent at Crouch's face, burning his face and his hands when he reached up with a howl of pain to extinguish the flames. Dolohov had sent a stream of water at him, which gave Bella the opening to sent a disintegration charm at the potions master—the same which had crushed her own ribs only moments before. Severus had quickly tied Bella to himself with an invisible rope to keep her standing and then had sent a pathetically easy Jelly Legs jinx at Crouch, causing him to crash loudly onto the floor. Two moments later, Nagini lifted her head and it was over.

They had won, but he felt as if he had been hit in the head by a basilisk. His entire body hurt and his magic so exhausted that it couldn't mildly counter his pain like it sometimes did.

They lay side by side, eyes closed and enjoying the quiet and the soothing care of his elf.

Severus was nearly asleep when Bella piped up.

"By the way, Sevvie. I wanted to tell you this morning but I forgot. I'm getting married."

Severus' eyes flew open. "What?"

She groaned softly and dutifully swallowed some more of Gorgon's numbing potion. "I'm getting married, Sevvie. I don't know when but some time soon."

"To who?"

"Rudolphus Lestrange."

"The big bloke? The stupid one?"

"Yes, that's the one. His brother's Rabastan. You know him. Always hanging around with Crouch and Regulus. Slimy git. I don't like him."

"You don't like Rudolphus either."

"I know. But I don't really care. Mother and Father were quite firm about it. They've been so upset after Andromeda's marriage."

Severus frowned, trying to remember who the female part of the two renegade Blacks had married. "Didn't she marry some muggle? Ted Tonks or something?"

"Yeah. That's him. They wanted to make sure the same thing wouldn't happen with me, as if I would ever touch a muggle with any intention other than to kill them," she murmured, a trace of disgust in her voice. Then she frowned weakly. "Well, they are a good shag now and again, but I would never marry one. Then I would have to keep them around all the time. It would be dreadful."

Severus smiled and chuckled softly before growing serious again. "But wasn't Narcissa's marriage enough?"

"No. Mother and Father are quite disappointed that she's been so meek where our duties are concerned. As if she could ever be anything else. She's just good at smiling and acting like a good, obedient wife. She's perfect for Lucius. Mother has been so concerned about our reputations. What with Regulus proving to be such a snivelling coward and Sirius having deserted us, we're being talked about quite rudely in certain circles."

"The noble house of black is being gossiped about, huh?"

Bella giggled weakly. "I couldn't care less what people are saying, but if it will make mother happy, I'll marry the idiot. Of course I'll have to ask master's permission first."

"I don't think he'll mind. As long as it's a pureblood marriage, it'll be alright."

She smiled softly and then glanced at him. "But just because I'll be married won't mean we won't have our fun, will it?" He could see a faint glimmer in her eyes, the glimmer which only shone there when she was looking at him. The glimmer which he always pretended not to see.

He smiled. "We're bondmates, Bella. That's worth even more than a marriage."

She giggled. "Oh, Sevvie, you're so funny."

They fell into a long silence as Severus thought over how quickly all of the people around him were changing.

Narcissa was apparently also pregnant, Evans was going to have a baby too and now Bella was getting married.

He groaned as he slowly rolled over and stared at the sleeping form of his bondmate.

He was going to make damn sure that Lestrange treated Bella like a queen. Damn sure. It wasn't that he was jealous of the moron but he felt extremely protective over his bondmate. He knew how she felt about him and also knew that he didn't—and probably never would—feel the same way about her, but he would make damn sure that she was happy.


	12. Chapter 12

Path of Shaded Light 

Chapter 12

Author's Note: I am so, so, so sorry that's it's been so long. Work and school have been crazy and I haven't had any time to write, but I've finally worked out a way to write a little bit every day. Here is the next chapter, and the following one is nearly finished and should be up in about a week or so and updates will become regular from now on again, I promise. Feel free to flame me if I don't keep my promises, I'll deserve it. Thank you to all the people who reviewed and bugged me about updating. You've all helped kickstart my muse again.

_Hpfreakout_ – Thank you so much and I'm terribly sorry about the wait. Hope you're still interested in my little story.

_Rosaleen_ – Wouldn't Sev and Lily make a good couple? Yup, but unfortunately, they will never be anything but the best of friends until the end. Hope I haven't kept you waiting for too long! Enjoy!

_CuriousDreamWeaver _– I've said if before and I'll say it again, Bella's a nutcase but you can't help but love her. Her marriage will never be anything but a convenient reputation booster for her family, but she still has her Sev.

_Da-Kobsta_ – Yup, the baby is Harry Potter. I know, it's a shock. I'm sorry about the long wait and I hope you're still reading.

_Nemo Returning_ – Yes, Mrs. Potter only has a few years left, but don't worry, she gets a lot of things done. I apologize about the long wait and hope you won't hate me forever.

_Snape Coolgirl_ – Thank you!

_Beck_ – Thanks for the kind words. I've always tried to stay as true to Jo's books as possible since it's her world I'm playing in. I might change some things, but I hope it won't irritate you too much.

_TA Salmalin_ – Thanks for the awesome feedback!

_Natan'a_ – I hope you're not mad that I took so long to update. Thanks for the great review and I hope you like the next chapter.

_Flamingteen_ – Thank you!

_Bluebird 161221_ – Thanks for liking my little story and I hope you like the next part too.

_Dalamis_ – Of course I remember you! Welcome back and thanks for the kind words!

_Gina_ – I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Take this next chapter as an apology gift and I promise updates will be back to normal now.

_Yougin11_- I'm really sorry and I hope you're not too mad. I swear I'll be updating regularly now!

'The spaces between the perceiver and the thing perceived can…be closed with a shout of recognition. One form of a shout is a shot. Nothing so completely verifies our perception of a thing as our killing of it.'

- Nicholas Fagan

Jan. 13th, 1980

The Dark Manor

"_Sevvie! Where are you? The most exciting thing just happened_!"

Severus cringed at the loud burst of noise in his head. He didn't even bother to look up from the book he was reading. Bella was probably just excited that one of her little toys had blinked or done something equally astonishing.

"_What on earth does she want now_?" Fawkes' voice erupted in his head.

"_Sevvie? Why do you sound so strange_?"

Immediately, panic flared up within him and Severus sat up straight, mentally shoving Fawkes into a corner into his mind. He couldn't risk hissing at the bird to shut up but he hoped the stupid phoenix had remembered never to speak while his and Bella's bond was open.

"_What? I don't sound strange. It's just your mind degrading, Bella_."

Her laugher echoed in his head and he let out a sigh of relief, knowing she had already forgotten about it.

"_You're so funny, Sevvie. Anyway, guess what's so exciting_!"

"_One of your toys blinked_."

More laughter. "_No, Sevvie_!"

"_Rudolphus realized he married a crazy woman_."

The laughter escaladed. "_Sevvie, stop it! You're making my sides hurt_."

"_Well, I don't know. You tell me_."

"_You know Ignatius Powell_?"

Severus searched his brain and came up with nothing. "_No_."

"_He's one of the espionage assistants. He was spying in the ministry_."

"_Oh, right_." A faint fragment of memory floated into his mind and he remembered that the man had a small, fairly unimportant job in the ministry but had used it for months to spy on the aurors for master. He had never been very important in Master's circles and hardly came to the dark manor, except to give his little—mostly useless—snippets of information.

"_What about him_?"

"_Master caught wind of him giving information to the ministry about other Death Eaters_."

Severus sat up straight, his heart in his throat. Master had caught somebody betraying him.

Fear flooded him as he realized this could have been him.

"_Really_?" He thanked Merlin that his voice didn't squeak inside his head.

"_Isn't it exciting? There's been so much yelling already. Master has punished him severely already but is going to finish him off tonight. He says he has some other surprises as well. Oh, aren't you excited, Sevvie_?"

With a squeal, Bella closed their link.

Severus swallowed hard, knowing he was going to be expected to attend Powell's final moments and knowing that every second of pain the man would suffer and had already suffered were what would happen to him if he ever got caught.

"_You see what happens to traitors, Severus? Can't we give up on this already and go back to Hogwarts? This is absurd! We risk our necks for a few names_."

Severus scowled at the words of the phoenix in his head and clenched his jaw.

"_Those few names and those few potions we've betrayed have already saved a lot of lives, Fawkes, and you know it. We're not backing out now_."

"_And what if we're caught? Then what? We've done a lot more than give up a few Death Eater names and you know it. If Lord High and Mighty is so upset over a few names, just imagine what he'd be like if he knew what we have been doing over the past few months_."

"_We just can't get caught, Fawkes_."

"_What if we do_?"

Fear crept through him again but Severus pushed it aside, refusing to allow it to intimidate him.

"_Then we'll just have to run away faster than Powell did. But until then, Gorgon and I are in this until the end. You can back out any day you want_."

"_Don't be absurd. I can't just leave you all. Albus would never forgive me_."

"_Then keep your mouth shut and be smart_."

XXXXXX

Lord Voldemort pushed himself off his throne and gazed down at the silent, prostated forms of his loyal servants.

Severus didn't dare glance up from where he lay beside master's throne. He found himself wishing that he were anywhere but here but that wasn't an option. Just a few hours, he reassured himself. Then it would be over. Master always got tired of such entertainment after a few hours, thankfully.

"As many of you already know, I have discovered the unfortunate betrayal of one of my children. I have tried countless times in the past few days to discover what could have possibly led to one of my precious children's mind's sudden deterioration. Insanity is the only excuse I could come up with. Nothing else could possibly have led him to betray his own master, who has done nothing but love and nurture him for years, as I do all of you."

A murmur of agreement went through the crowd, which Severus echoed, his mind numb.

"I have tried to drive out this kernel of madness which has infested my precious child, but I have to come to realize that death is the only way to vanquish this sudden evil within him. The evil which has clouded his mind from the light I have lit and nurtured within him. I am very afraid that this evil will spread to others around him, and therefore, I am forced to contain it. I will allow you all to see what this madness has brought upon Ignatius and the efforts I have taken to vanquish it from within him."

At a signal, the doors of the large room swung open and a few of Macnair's assistants dragged in the huddled, broken body of Ignatius Powell.

Severus glanced up and watched as they brough him to master's feet and dropped him.

Ignatius didn't move and lay on his side, his tattered robe hardly covering his thin, broken body. Sightless black pits where his eyes used to be stared at nothing while gutteral wheezing streamed from his mouth, blood and drool trickling from the corners of his lips and onto the floor.

"Ignatius, nobody is sorrier about this than I am. I resent having to hurt one of my own children, but this madness within you, this insanity which drove you from my side must be stopped, surely you see that. Or perhaps you can't anymore." Lord Voldemort chuckled slightly and leaned over to stroke one of Ignatius' pale cheeks, while the other Death Eaters chuckled at the sick humor.

Severus forced himself to remain numb, not thinking about what the man must have suffered over the past few days to leave this broken, hardly living lump behind.

This could be you. This could be you.

He felt the fear surging within him but he suppressed it and forced those thoughts out of his mind. He couldn't think about that now. No. He had to remain numb and not think about it.

"Ignatius, this is your end. I have tried to drive this madness from you, but no matter what I did, your soul remains black to my eyes. I'm sorry about this."

Standing up, Lord Voldemort gave the man at his feet a loving smile before taking out his wand and whispering the killing curse.

A flash of green light lit the room and Ignatius' body lifted off the ground slightly from the force of it. His body slumped back onto the floor and lay there, sightless eyes still staring at Severus.

Severus lifted his head and saw those black pits digging into him.

This could be you.

"I have brought Ignatius before you to show all of you what this madness forces me to do. If any of you think of straying from the path I have lovingly laid out for you, this will be the end. It must be. I must protect my other children from it. Do not let the ministry's deranged words lead you away from me. They don't see the visions of the future as I do. They do not understand what we must do in order to make this world a better place." He let out a sad sigh before waving at the doors again.

Three assistants hurried from the room and brought in two people, stunned and levitated above their heads. They brought them before master and let them float onto the floor beside Ignatius' corpse.

"I have brought his family here to witness what his betrayal has cost him. If it becames apparent that this sickness has spread to them as well, I will be forced to eliminate them as well, for the protection of my other children."

With a wave of his hand, he ennervated the woman and the young child. The girl blinked a few times before letting out a whimper of fear at the sea of darkly cloaked figures around her.

"Mom!" she cried out. Ignatius' wife slowly pushed herself off the floor and immediately grabbed her daughter and pressed her to her body as she stared around herself, eyes wide with fear. She fumbled in her robe pockets with one hand while she kept a strong hold of her daughter with the other.

"If you are looking for your wand, Mrs. Powell, I am very much afraid that I had to have it confiscated."

At the quiet, snake like voice, she whipped around and stared up at the Dark Lord, eyes widening with fear even more.

"You—" she whispered, her voice trembling.

"Yes, my dear. We've never met, but I'm thrilled you recognize me. I'm glad that Ignatius spoke about me at home."

At the Dark Lord's glance at his feet, she followed his gaze and for the first time, saw her husband.

"Ignatius!" she cried out, grabbing his arm and shaking him. His lifeless body flopped over and when she saw his sightless eyes and realized he was dead, she let out a scream and scrambled backwards, cradling her weeping, shaking daughter closer and not letting her see.

"What did you do to him? You filthy monster! What did you do to him?" she screamed, tears flowing down her face.

"I did what I had to do, madame. Your husband was obviously not well. He betrayed me to the ministry."

Sobbing, she let out a scream of angiush, hardly listening to Lord Voldemort's quiet, apologetic words. Severus felt the urge to scream right along with her, but kept his jaw clenched shut.

As the Dark Lord continued his explanations, she calmed down slightly and her pain was replaced by rage. Her eyes sparking, she raised her chin and stared Lord Voldemort right in the face.

"There are plenty of mad people in this room, but none are more deranged than you!" she screamed.

Lord Voldemort sighed quietly. "I see this has come too late. The madness has already started brewing within you."

"Within me? _Me_? You with your deranged new world order and your sick rituals and beliefs! You are sick and twisted filth and I had never loved my husband more than when he finally saw through you and saw the real you behind all the hogwash you shove down these people's throats everyday!"

"Your husband was terribly ill, madame!"

"He was ill when he came to you! You seduced him with promises of wealth and more power in the ministry and he hoped to make more money so we could give our daughter the best life she could want. He never wanted any of your filthy madness and when he finally saw what a mistake he had made, you couldn't stand to have lose him, could you? You couldn't stand it, so you tortured him to death!" she screamed.

"Madame, I am tiring of trying to explain this to you. Your husband came to me because he understood that I only want what's best for everyone, especially my children. But he betrayed me, and I had to end his life to keep this madness from spreading."

"No! You had to find a way to keep him quiet before he managed to make these other brainwashed bastards behind me see who they had sold their souls to. Not to mention you were irritated when you found out he was serving a much better master than you! That's why you killed him!"

Lord Voldemort sighed heavily and Severus' felt his eyes on him. Shaking slightly, Severus forced all thoughts out of his head and looked up at him.

How badly he wanted to start screaming at master as well, agreeing with every word Ignatius' wife was saying. How badly he wanted to reach up and pull every shred of life out of master's body and stuff it back into Ignatius, one of only three people in the room who deserved to get out of here alive and the only three who wouldn't.

But he couldn't. He had a job to do. He had to keep master's madness from spreading to other innocents without master discovering his own apparent 'insanity'.

His mind was starting to hurt. He knew that his betrayal of master was probably an illness, but it was one he felt keeping him stronger. On the other hand, he knew that the only illness within him had been the one which had brought him to master's feet in the first place.

Angry with himself for these double loyalties and crazy thoughts, he pushed them out of his head and stared at his master.

"I am getting tired of listening to her rants, aren't you, my precious serpent?"

Severus nodded, glancing at Ignatius' wife and glaring at her slightly. The woman glared right back at him and spat at the Dark Lord's feet.

Bella immediately lunged at her but Lord Voldemort snapped his fingers and yanked her back.

Severus felt an immediately anger well up within him at her blatant disrespect. He barely restrained himself from leaping at her as well.

"Now, now. Calm yourselves. She's hardly worth it. In fact, I am tired of this situation all together. Bella, get rid of the child. Severus, get rid of her. And do so before she can continue with this tiresome tirade."

Severus felt bile rise in his throat. He had to kill her. A woman who had just lost her husband in the most brutal way possible and had no part of this madness except for being married to a slightly deluded and childishly hopeful father.

For a moment, he considered not doing it. He considered standing up and saying that he agreed with everything she had said and that was done with master and his insanity.

But all that would bring about would his own death. It wouldn't save either her or her child's lives. It wouldn't bring any of the other people back whom he had killed. All it would do was give master a minor irritation to grumble over for a few days, and it would upset Bella, Gorgon, the headmaster, Fawkes and Evans.

By staying alive, he had a chance to keep this madness from engulfing the entire world. And that was more important than making a statement which master wouldn't—couldn't—understand.

So he forced himself to feel the anger towards her which master was expecting. Licking his lips, he growled at her, hearing Bella doing the same thing. Lord Voldemort chuckled slightly.

Severus pushed himself up and pulled out his wand. He couldn't think about anything other than the fact that this woman had dared to spit at his master. Never mind why.

Walking towards her, he watched as Bella tore the child from her grasp. The child let out a cry and her mother screamed as she lunged towards her. Hocking her with a strand of magic, Severus yanked her back towards him and she landed on the floor, screaming with fear and rage at him.

Growling at her and hissing a silencing charm at her, Severus watched as her voice died in her throat. Realizing she could no longer speak, she curled up, tears streaming down her face as she stared at him, soundlessly mouthing pleas at him, begging him to spare her. One of her hands reached out and grabbed onto the hem of his robes, shaking like the rest of her.

He pointed his wand at her and forced his hand not to shake. He had to do this, he wanted to scream at her. He had to do this. He was playing the same game her husband had been, but he was in much deeper and playing a much more dangerous version. He had to do this so he could get out of here and find the rest of her family and make sure they were kept safe in case master wasn't finished with the Powells yet.

As he stared down at her, the hood and mask shielding his face from the crowd of Death Eaters and his master, he leaned down towards her, pretending that her grip on his robes was very strong. He tugged on the fabric while he put his mouth as close to her face as he could.

"I'm sorry. Please believe me. I'm sorry," he whispered, aware that those words could have sealed his death sentence, but not caring.

She stopped struggling and stared at him, eyes widening with confusion. Before she could do anything else and give away anything else, Severus pointed the wand at her and allowed rage to seep back into his voice. "Avada Kedavra," he hissed, watching with what he hoped was satisfaction as the green light flared out of the tip of his wand and hit her. Her body suddenly went rigid and then limp as she lay motionless on the floor, her eyes still staring up at him.

Severus numbly turned back around and hardly heard master's words of approval and satisfaction as he lay back down. He managed to somehow bring a gleam of satisfaction into his eyes and he smiled up at his master, but he was feeling too numb to think about it.

A short while later, master dismissed them and Severus stumbled out of the room. While he made his way through the crowd of other Death Eaters, he became aware of two pearly white figures following him, staring at him with wide, accusing eyes.

He barely glanced at them, knowing who they were and also knowing that they had joined the twins and that girl in their eternally silent damnation of his black soul.

Jan. 16th, 1980

The Dark Manor

The Banshees were wailing again. Sighing, he lowered his head to the table and closed his eyes, willing them to go away. Behind him, he heard the woman's ghost and her daughter walking around the room, staring at him.

He clenched his hands into fists and slammed it onto the table. Pushing himself up, he spun around.

"What the hell do you want from me?! I can't bring you back to life! Why are you here? I can't help you!"

The girl continued walking around, running a finger along his bookshelf and smiling at one of the twins who was beside her. Her mother stood there, staring at Severus, but didn't respond.

Shaking and wanting to scream at them all to leave him alone in his own hell, he grabbed a book from his desk and hurled it at the woman. It sailed right through her and smashed into the wall.

"Go away!" he screamed.

"Who is young master wanting to go away?" A quiet voice asked from the doorway.

Severus spun around and stared at his elf. "Go to hell, Gorgon."

"Does young master want to speak about what happened?"

"No! Damn it! No! I need these stupid people to go away and I need the Banshees to go away and I need you to go away!"

Gorgon crossed his arms over his chest. "Young master free to yell at Gorgy but Gorgy not going away."

Severus stood there, gasping for breath as the screeching in his head reached a new pitch and he doubled over, clutching his head. He groaned from the pain and squeezed his eyes shut. He needed his crystals. Damn it, he needed his crystals.

"Gorgon, I need some crystals," he whispered in a half sob.

"No, young master needing to lie down and sleep a bit. Gorgy will give sleeping potion. That always quiets banshees."

"I don't want any of your fucking potions, elf!" he screamed, his self control having broken again. Rage simmered within him as his head felt like it would split in half. He wanted to throw something at his elf. He wanted to kill him, rip him to pieces, burn him, anything which would get him out of the way so he could get to his crystals.

"Young master needs to take deep breaths and craving will pass. Young master knows this."

He stood there, shaking with anger and his eyes blazed with that crazed desire that only drug addicts could understand. Then, as quickly as it had come, the rage seeped out of him and he felt so weak that he crashed to the floor, huddling in a ball.

"It's too hard, Gorgon." He sobbed, shaking from the tears of frustration.

His elf was at his side immediately and put his head in his lap and gently stroked his hair.

"Gorgy knows, but young master strong. Can do this. Can beat these Banshees and crystals."

"It's not just the crystals, Gorgon. It's all of it. It's too hard. I can't do it and they keep staring at me because they know I can't do it."

Gorgon gently rocked him back and forth as he wept, not bothering to ask who 'they' were. The old elf reasoned it was probably a figment of his young master's imagination, stirred up by the drug cravings.

"Gorgy knows it hard. It never meant to be easy, but we come this far and we not quitting now."

"_Gorgon is quite right, you know. I never thought I'd say this, but we've actually had quite a few successes in this insane endeavor. You must remember the bigger picture, Severus_."

"_So now you're suddenly supporting this whole spying business, huh_?"

"_Not in the least, but I don't want you giving up because you think it's too hard. I want you to give up because you've finally gained some common sense. Anything less wouldn't be a very Slytherin thing to do, now would it_?"

Severus smiled weakly. "_Salazar would be ashamed_."

"_That he would_."

Jan. 18th, 1980

The Dark Manor

Wearily rubbing his temples, Severus mentally swore at the Banshees in his head to shut up.

"_I didn't say anything_!"

"_Not you, bird! The Banshees_."

"_Oh. Terribly sorry. You must be more specific_."

Rolling his eyes, he muttered the password to his chambers and pushed open the door, fingers itching for his headache potion.

He had taken two steps into the room when he spied another person standing at the far end before the enormous shelves where he kept most of his potions stored.

The person was hooded and masked and appeared to be completely oblivious to Severus' presence.

Pulling out his wand, Severus pointed it at the person, not feeling a bit of fear. Whoever it was, he was more than capable of defending himself, and besides, he was more angry than anything. Whoever it was, they had broken into his chambers and were rummaging around in his things.

"Hold your hands where I can see them and turn around," he ordered, his voice calm but a thread of anger laced into it.

The person stiffened with a gasp and trembling hands lifted into the air, one of the holding a bottle.

"Please—please don't fire anything at me, Severus. I'm terribly sorry. I didn't think you'd be back so soon."

Severus frowned, recognizing the voice. "Regulus?" Lowering his wand, he scowled at his fellow Death Eater.

"What the hell are you doing in my room?"

Regulus turned around and pulled off his mask and hood, still holding onto the potion. "I'm really sorry, really. Your elf, he let me in. Please don't be angry with him. I lied and said I wanted to borrow one of your books—"

Severus narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "That doesn't look like a book."

"I know. I know, please, just—can't we pretend this never happened? I'll put the potion down and go away and you'll never see me in here again."

"_Do you believe his story, Severus_?"

"_He just admitted he lied to Gorgon, Fawkes, it still doesn't explain why he was in here in the first place_."

"_Perhaps he was just browsing your potion selections_."

"_Bird, if he was browsing, why is he clutching that one as if his life depended on it_?"

"_Perhaps he's just scared_."

Sighing mentally at the bird's naïve view of the world, Severus muttered '_Accio_' at the bottle. Regulus gasped and tried to make a grab for it, but it sailed through the air and landed in Severus' hand. Still glaring at Regulus, Severus only took his eyes off him long enough to read the label on the bottle.

"_Aevum Desino_," Severus mumbled and then glanced up at Regulus, not understanding.

"Regulus, do you have any idea how deadly this poison is? What could you possibly need it for?"

"Uhm, well, I'm, uhm, doing an experiment," he muttered, not meeting Severus' eyes.

"_He's the worst liar I've ever seen_."

"_Bird, be quiet_."

"Regulus, stop lying to me. You don't have any experiment that need to be done, especially any potion experiments. Besides, there is nothing you could possibly need a whole bottle of _Aevum Desino_ for. Even for the liquid cruciatus potion I only used three drops of this. Even a tiny drop could kill you."

Regulus clenched his jaw and looked close to tears. He threw up his hands and let out a half mad bark of laughter. "That's the damn point though, Severus! Don't you see?" He cried.

Severus stared at him, the pieces of the puzzle finally falling into place. "You want to kill yourself."

Regulus sniffed and let out a small laugh. "Go ahead. Call me a coward. Call me a traitor to our master's cause."

"Why, Regulus?"

Another laugh which sounded eerily like Bella's. "Why? You honestly have to ask me, why?! You were there! You saw what he did! If he knew about any of these thoughts in my head, I'll end up just like Powell!"

Severus cringed at the yelling and glanced at his open door. Waving his wand at it, he shut it and set up a silencing charm around the room.

"Don't bother, Severus. I don't care if he hears me. I'll be dead soon enough anyway, either by my own hand or his, and I might as well go out on my own terms. At least it'll be faster."

"You never betrayed our master, Regulus. You haven't done anything wrong."

"It's not what I've done, Severus, it's what I think! I don't agree with any of this and I hate the things he does and the things he makes us do and I can't do it anymore."

Severus sighed. "Regulus, you've done fine so far--"

"He's not stupid, Severus! He'll figure it out eventually that I'm shirking most of my duties and that I'm always coming up with stupid excuses to not go on raids or participate in any 'amusing' activities. And you and I both know what will happen then."

"_He does have a point, you know_."

"_Bird, you're not helping_."

"_His heart isn't in it, Severus, and Lord High and Mighty is going to notice soon and will kill him_."

Severus sighed again and wearily walked over to his chair and collapsed into it. He put the bottle on the table but kept a hand on it in case Regulus tried to summon it back to himself.

"What if I went to master and convinced him you want to try your hand at potions? You can become my assistant and help me chop up nettles and dung bettles. Those are easy jobs and you won't have to do anything you don't want to."

Regulus shook his head, a sad smile on his face. "You don't understand, Severus. I can't do this. And I don't mean physically, I mean mentally. I can't be around this madness anymore. I quit." He threw up his hands and laughed. "Yes, I quit. I am sick and tired of having voices screaming in my head at night and at having to smile and laugh at the sick things Barty and Rabastan do for our master."

Oh, he did understand. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the blue eyed girl walking past his door, staring at him. Yes, he did understand. And he knew what he had to do. What he himself had done.

"Regulus, there are other ways out you know," he said quietly, knowing that nobody could hear him but fear making his stay quiet.

"Like what? Doing the killing curse on myself? I'm not good enough to kill a fly, never mind myself, Severus. I've thought about this long and hard and a potion is the fastest and most efficient way of doing it. All you have to do is give me back the potion and not come running after me with the antidote."

Severus bit his lip, quietly thinking.

"_Severus, you can put those thoughts out of your head right now, do you hear me? We're in a dangerous enough situation as it is. We can't go adding Regulus' problems to ours_."

"_He's my friend, Fawkes and I know exactly what he's going through_."

"_I understand that, but this is crazy_."

"_You know the way to Hogwarts, bird_."

A pause. Then: "_Don't be ridiculous. But please, Severus_."

"_I have to help him, Fawkes_."

"_Why? Why is this so important to you_?"

"_Because Gorgon helped me when I thought I had nowhere else to turn and Regulus doesn't have a Gorgon to help him. He has nobody_."

A sigh. "_Fine. This is crazy. But fine_."

Severus glanced up at Regulus, who was staring back and forth between Severus and the bottle on the table.

"Please, Severus. Just give me the bottle."

"No."

"Severus--"

"I will not help you kill yourself when there is another way out of this."

"There is no other way out, and you know it! Nobody leaves master unless they're riding in the clutches of death."

Severus stared at Regulus, trying to quell the fear within himself. He couldn't panic and go hysterical.

"You can run."

Regulus let out a hysterical laugh. "Run?! Run where? Master will find me wherever I go and you know it. He can trace each and every one of our marks, no matter how far away we get."

"Just because he can find your mark doesn't mean he can find you." His voice was calm and quiet.

Regulus stared at him as if he was insane. "If you haven't noticed, the things are burned into our arms!"

Severus swallowed hard, willing himself to remain calm. He could still back out of this. Laugh it off and say he was joking and shove the bottle into Regulus' hands and send him on his way.

"If your arm weren't attached to you anymore then he has no way of tracking the rest of you."

Regulus' eyes widened. "You're crazy," he breathed.

"Probably, and by now, you probably are too. But that's beside the point. You can run, Regulus. I can help you and I can make sure that all your tracks are covered and that he'll never find you. All you have to do is trust me."

"Trust you? As soon as you're out of this room, you'll go running to your master and tell him all about how I wanted to betray him and he'll send for me. That's what you want, isn't it? To be the one to tell him how you dug up a traitor in the ranks so he'll love you more and shower you with affection and power!"

Severus stared at him quietly. "I already found a traitor in his ranks and I haven't turned him in yet, nor will I ever."

"Who?"

"_Severus, please don't. Please think about this_--"

"Me."

"_Oh, we're done for it now. Merlin. Oh, I knew this entire business was a mistake_!"

Regulus stared at him. "You?" He whispered, disbelief in his voice. "But you're one of his chosen ones."

"And do you think for a moment I'm proud of that? I told you once that all of this bothers me just as much as it does you. But I can't leave. Ever. Not only am I bonded to master with more magic than you are, but my bond with Bella can only be broken in death and I can't separate my mind from the rest of me, now can I? Believe me, if I ever thought I could run and hide, I would have done so a long time ago. All I can do is help the people who can get out. And you are one of those people."

Regulus stared at him. "You would really help me?"

"Yes, I would."

"But I don't even have the slightest idea how to go about this."

"You just leave that up to me. I know master better than anybody else in this manor."

Regulus narrowed his eyes. "What if this is all a lie? How do I know you won't go running upstairs to his chambers right after I agree to this and tell him everything?"

Severus pulled the bottle of poison off the table and tossed it to him, raising an eyebrow.

"If at any point our plan is discovered or you suspect I've gone and ratted you out, just take a tiny sip and you'll be long dead before anybody can get to you."

Regulus bit his lip and stared at the bottle and then glanced at Severus. "You're really going to help me?"

"Yes. Now go on, get out of here and hide that bottle before anybody sees it. Do everything like you would normally do so you don't arouse any suspicion. I have some serious planning and thinking to do but I'll come and get you when I'm ready. It shouldn't take more than few days."

Regulus swallowed hard and glanced at the potion.

"And if you're going to drink it tonight, you might as well swallow it right now so I won't waste any of my time trying to come up with a decent way for you to save your own neck."

Taking a deep breath, Regulus nodded and opened his mouth to thank him, but Severus held up a hand.

"Don't thank me yet. This entire ordeal might fall in on us at any moment and neither one of us will have anything to be thankful for if it does."

Nodding, Regulus hid the bottle inside his robes and pulled his hood and mask back on. Without another word, he walked out of the room, quietly shutting the door behind him.

"_Alright, now what do we do_?"

"_Now we think of a plan_."


	13. Chapter 13

Path of Shaded Light 

Chapter 13

Author's Note: Hey everybody! As always, thank you so much for the awesome feedback! I hope this chapter has a few surprises in it. Yes, Regulus does die, but it doesn't mean his plan doesn't work. When you're done reading, I'd love to hear what you thought, whether you saw this coming from a mile off or I managed to surprise you. Enjoy!

'Often the test of courage is not to die but to live.'

- Vittorio Alfieri

Jan. 19th, 1980

The Dark Manor

"_Might I once again emphasize what a completely idiotic idea this is_?"

Severus slammed his fist onto the table, cause a cup to fall over and making Gorgon jump.

"_Bird, if you have nothing constructive to add, don't say anything at all! This is hard enough without listening to your inane twitters_."

"Young master not get angry at Master Fawkes. He right, this is dangerous idea, but we think of a plan." Gorgon muttered in quiet Elfish while moping up the tea which had spilt onto the table.

Severus sighed. "Alright, alright. Let's go over this again. We know how to take care of things here in the manor, but how on earth can we sneak Regulus out of here and where on earth would we sneak him to?"

Silence greeted his question. Severus grit his teeth. Half their plan was already there, but the most dangerous part was still up in the air.

Finally, he sighed and grabbed the medallion around his neck. "Mr. Slytherin, if I could bother you for a moment?"

Immediately, the medallion started glowing and getting warmer and that familiar gray smoke streamed out of it before forming into the scowling form of the Founder.

"_You again? What in the name of hell do you need now_?"

Severus glared, not in the mood to be insulted by a dead person. "I need your help in helping a Death Eater escape from this manor undetected and finding a safe place to hide."

The Slytherin Founder raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. "_Is this another one of your idiotic little escapades_?"

"If you don't care to be of any help, you can go right back into this useless piece of metal and spend eternity in it," Severus hissed.

"_Well, well, well. Your Slytherin attributes are finally starting to shine through_." The Founder chuckled in amusement, before growing serious again. "_You realize what a tremendous risk you're taking here_."

"I realize that," Severus hissed through clenched teeth.

The Founder sighed. "_Very well. I have some time on my hands. So, tell me about your pathetic little plan thus far and I'll see what I can do. At the very least, it should be amusing_."

"So you'll help me?"

"_I suppose so_."

"The last time you weren't very willing to help."

"_You seemed to have matured quite a bit since our last conversation and you finally seem to be putting the effort into this which I would demand of a Slytherin, even if you are a bit misguided_."

Severus frowned. "Misguided? Who's side are you on?"

"_Not Dumbledore's, that I can tell you right now. The man is nothing but a muggle-loving fool and his blindness to our ideals will lead to the extinction of wizarding kind as we know it_."

"Dumbledore is not-"

"_Oh, please, spare me the sentimental droning. I said I wasn't on Dumbledore's side, but I'm not on Riddle's side either. Don't get me wrong, I thought Riddle had great potential when he was younger, I wouldn't have made him my heir otherwise, but his methods are starting to irritate me. He wastes time on is own egotistical dreams and endless amusing games with muggles and mudbloods_."

"So you don't agree with master's plan either?"

"_His ideas I agree with, his methods, I don't. But this is all beside the point. Don't misunderstand me, Mr. Snape. I will help you purely because I love intrigue and pulling off perfectly manipulated plans at other, naïve people's expenses. If my motivations aren't noble enough for you, by all means, I'll leave you to it_."

Severus sighed. "I couldn't care less about your motivations."

"_Wonderful. So, let's hear about this ridiculous little plan of yours_."

Jan. 21st, 1980

The Dark Manor

Severus glanced up when his door was pushed open and Regulus slipped inside. Shutting the door behind him, Regulus looked at him with wide eyes.

"You found a way?"

"Yes, I found a way." Waving his wand around his room, he put up a silencing charm. "The only question is if you are willing to along with it."

"If it'll help me get away from this hell with my life still in me, I'll do anything."

Severus nodded and then pulled him into his bedroom and shut the door behind him. His elf glanced up at them and then hurried over to a cupboard and pulled out some potion bottles, a towel and his wand. Severus hurried into the corner of the room and tapped the stones on the floor in a specific order. Immediately, they shimmered and a hole beneath the stones could be seen. Reaching down, Severus grabbed hold of the corpse lying on the floor and pulled it up until it was lying beside him.

Regulus glanced over Severus' shoulder and let out a gasp and nearly fainted when he saw the body's face. It was identical to his own.

"How does that man have my face?"

Severus smiled grimly. "By the application of hours upon hours of complicated transfiguration charms and a photograph Gorgon took of you two days ago."

"He took a picture of me? I didn't even realize."

"Good. That means nobody else did either. Now." Severus reached down and rolled the body until it was lying face up on the floor.

Regulus stared down at it. "Amazing. He looks just like me. Where did you find him?"

"He's one of Bella's toys. I told her I needed him for an experiment so she'll never miss him or ask about him."

Regulus continued staring down at the dead man who looked identical to him, until his eyes reached his arms.

"Severus, why is he missing his left arm?"

Severus straightened up and stared at Regulus for a long moment. "For the same reason you're going to be missing yours."

"What?"

"Think, Regulus," Severus hissed at him. "Master can track your mark where ever it goes. Having a dead body which resembles you isn't enough. He'll be able to tell in moments that it doesn't bear the mark and then he'll start hunting for the real you by searching for your mark's aura. The only way to make him believe that this is you is by giving him your arm with the mark on it."

Regulus grew pale and stumbled slightly as he sank onto Severus' bed. "You want to cut off my arm?"

"And replace it. There are simple healing potions which you can take which will regrow your arm for you, without the mark on it. I will warn you, it'll be painful but Gorgon and I will do everything we can to make it easier."

Regulus was staring at the body on the floor, his lip trembling.

"Regulus, if you don't want to do this, now is the time to back out. Once that man has your arm on him, there is no turning back. You have to make the choice now. Do you want to leave this manor dead or alive?"

Regulus grit his teeth and then licked his lips, staring at Severus. "Will it hurt a lot?"

"You won't feel the amputation at all, we'll give you numbing potions, but the regrowing will be painful, I won't lie."

Taking a few shaky breaths, Regulus twisted his hands in his lap, before nodding firmly. "Alright. Alright. Let's do this."

XXXXXX

Severus ran his wand over Regulus one more time, muttering diagnostic medical charms. Different colors of light shone over various parts of his body and Severus and Gorgon both studied them, frowning in concentration.

Regulus licked his lips, trying to quell the shaking of his body. He grimaced as another surge of pain raced up his spine and he heard the scrunching of bones as his left arm gradually regrew itself.

"How does it look?"

"Well, you're definitely going to live. How's the pain?"

"Bearable."

"Good. I'll get started on attaching your former appendage to your look-alike."

Regulus smiled weakly as Gorgon wiped his face with a cool cloth.

He heard the muttering of magical incantations and the immense magic tingled across his skin as Severus worked. He felt momentarily confused when his mark didn't flare up with contentment at the dark magic being used, but then he remembered that he'd never feel that again. A grim smile flickered across his face. Even if he didn't make it out of the manor alive, at least he wouldn't die with that thing on his arm anymore.

"Alright." Severus pushed a strand of his hair out of his eyes and straightened up. "It's done. Gorgon, you and Regulus have to leave now."

Nodding firmly, Gorgon hurried around the room cleaning up all evidence of their medical operation and then stuffed his wand into his pillow case.

Regulus wearily pushed himself up and grit his teeth to keep from screaming from the pain.

"Where are we going?"

Severus was leaning over him, examining his arm with a frown. "Your arm looks good. It should be fully regrown in a few hours. Just be extremely careful with it in the next few days. Try to avoid picking anything up or hitting anything with it."

Regulus nodded and pushed himself off the bed. "I'll be careful with it, trust me. So, how exactly am I getting out of here?"

Severus tossed him one of his spare cloaks and a mask he had conjured up. "Here, put these on. I'll put your original ones on your twin brother." Straightening up, Severus gave Regulus a long look. "You'll be going with Gorgon. You have to make sure nobody sees you leaving this room and going to the nearest apparation point. Gorgon will apparate you both into Hogsmeade, that way, if anybody detects the apparation, they'll think it was just Gorgon."

"And then what?"

"Gorgon will give you a map of apparation locations you can follow until you're in Canada."

"Canada?"

"Yes. You'll be safe there. Do you have any money?"

Regulus shrugged. "A few galleons, sure."

"I meant muggle money."

"Uhm, no."

Nodding, Severus went to his bookshelf and pulled out a thin book which he handed to Regulus.

"When you get to Canada, tap this book with your wand three times and say 'Freedom'. It'll turn into a box which has enough money in it to keep you fed and clothed for a while and a passport stating your new name, birthday and the fact that you're a Canadian citizen."

Regulus stared at the small book. "Where did you get this?"

Severus smiled grimly, momentarily tempted to tell Regulus how much trouble the headmaster had gone to for somebody he didn't even know, but knew that telling him could put the headmaster in unnecessary danger.

"Don't worry about that. Just worry about getting out of here alive and then running as far away as you can and never thinking about this again. Any of it."

Regulus stared at him. "You mean-"

"Yes. No more magic. Regulus Black is lying dead on the floor in my room and that is the same body which your parents will bury and mourn. You can never think of the wizarding world again or use any magic. As soon as you've apparated there, break your wand and burn it."

Regulus bit his lip, fear creeping up his spine. "I'll never be free of him, will I? Not completely."

"If you leave this world behind and never look back, then you will be free. He won't ever be able to find you, even if he ever starts looking for you, which he won't. You have a chance to start your life over, yes, as a muggle, but living as a muggle is better than being dead."

Regulus gave a small snort of laughter. "Besides, look at the mess which magic has pulled us into. Maybe living as a muggle will turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to me."

Severus smiled and they both stared at each other for a moment, before hearing somebody walking past his chambers, loudly talking.

"You better go."

Gorgon hurried up to him and straightened his pillow case. "Is Master Regulus ready?"

Taking a shaky breath, Regulus nodded. "Yes."

Gorgon nodded and glanced at Severus. "Young master okay with taking care of things here?" He asked in Elfish.

Severus nodded. "You just worry about getting Regulus out of here alive and keeping this whole thing from blowing up in our faces. Fawkes and I will take care of the rest." He muttered in quiet Elfish.

Without wasting any more time, Gorgon hurried off towards the door, lowering the silencing charm and unlocking it.

Regulus pulled his cloak and mask on and then stared at Severus through the dark mask.

"Thank you. I know you didn't want me to say it before it's all over, but I won't ever see you again, will I?"

Severus nodded. "If all goes according to plan."

"Well, maybe one day we'll meet again. Not here and definitely not under these circumstances, but maybe we will see each other again. Until then, I'll never forget what either of you did for me and I'll be forever grateful. You gave me my freedom back and I'll never forget that."

Regulus held out his hand and Severus stared at it for a moment before reaching out and shaking it firmly.

"Master Regulus, we best be leaving now." His elf was worriedly glancing at the door.

Both eighteen year olds stared at each other for a long moment, before Regulus turned around and walked out the door, Gorgon at his heels.

Severus slowly walked after them and shut the door behind them.

"_Well, we're nearly done with this disastrous endeavor_."

"_We're not out of the woods yet_."

"_Oh, yes. Now is the good part. Trying to pull the wool over Lord High and Mighty's eyes. Is this the part where I freely admit we're all idiots or are you still in denial_?"

"_Bird, at least he's going to get away_."

"_We don't know that yet. Quit staring at the door and get started on the second part or we'll all end up at Lord High and Mighty's feet before the day's over and no amount of lying will get us out of this_."

Knowing the bird was right, Severus turned away from the door and marched back into his room where the body of a muggle lay, who would soon be buried bearing Regulus Black's name. If all went according to plan.

XXXXXX

Severus dragged 'Regulus' body out of the bedroom and carefully lay him on the floor, half leaning against his bookshelf. He pulled the mask onto his face and attached Regulus' old cloak onto his shoulders. Standing up, he took a deep breath and pulled his wand out and took a few steps back from him.

"_Alright. Are you ready_?"

"_No, but that's entirely beside the point, isn't it? Let's just get this over with as quickly as possible. Regulus' twin isn't getting any fresher if you know what I mean_."

Putting a silencing charm around the room, Severus took another deep breath and started randomly firing curses around his room. Glass shattered, parchment shreds flew through the air and the legs of his table broke with a loud crack and the table crashed to the floor.

When he was done, Severus stared around the destruction of his room, feeling strangely satisfied.

"_You know, that was kind of fun_."

Fawkes sighed and muttered something about adolescent immaturity.

"_Bird, be quiet. It's almost time for our big show_."

Taking a deep breath, Severus turned on his bond to Bella. "_Bella_?"

"_Sevvie? Are you alright_?"

"_I killed the traitor_." He made sure his voice remained calm.

"_What_?"

"_Come and see what's left of him_."

He felt her turning the bond off. Smiling, he calmly sat down in his chair and leaned back, waiting for his bondmate.

Moments later, his door was thrown open and Bella came running in, gasping for breath.

"Sevvie? What the hell did you mean? What traitor?"

Smiling, Severus calmly nodded his chin at the still body lying on the floor.

Bella's eyes widened and she hurried over, looking him over. "It's Regulus," she gasped.

"It _was_ Regulus, yes."

Spinning around, Bella stared at him. "He betrayed master?"

"It wasn't what he did that betrayed master, it was what he said. He insulted master and his plans and didn't believe in master's vision of the future."

Bella's eyes sparked and she glared back down at Regulus' body. "He was a traitor, then."

"Yes. But I took care of it."

Smiling, Bella walked back over to him and knelt down in front of Severus. Reaching up, she stroked his cheek, smiling coldly. "You did master a great service. He will be so proud of you."

"Us."

She tilted her head. "I didn't kill him, Sevvie."

"No. But I'm willing to share the credit with you. We're bondmates, Bella."

Smiling, she bit her lip, her eyes sparking with cold hatred. "Master will be so proud of us."

Smiling, Severus nodded calmly, trying to keep his hands from shaking. Leaning forward, he kissed her forehead.

"Yes, he will be."


	14. Chapter 14

Path of Shaded Light Chapter 14 

Author's Note: Hi everybody! In order to make up for a long wait, I have two chapters for you all! Bella finds out something very interesting and we get to see a more or less familiar face for the first time. Hope you all enjoy reading this next part and tell me what you think!

As always, thanks to everyone who read the last part, and an even bigger thank you to those who reviewed!

_Rosaleen_ – I'm glad you still like our moody Founder. We'll be seeing him again soon. Hope you like the next part!

_Little Red Rabbit_ – Thanks for the kind words! We might be seeing Regulus again, but not for a while.

_Hpfreakout_ – Thank you! I know it was a bit strange, but hey, it's me, so that's to be expected, isn't it?

_CuriousDreamWeaver_ – You and Rosaleen both really like Salazar, don't you? I'm glad, I like him too. Enjoy the next part!

_Patty_ – As always, interesting question! I think there would definitely be a magical signature interwoven into a wizard's 'aura', but the good news is that Voldie doesn't care enough about Regulus to bother checking 'his' body. Good news for our little espionage team. Have fun with the next part!

_Gina_ – Yup, Canada is one heck of an awesome place. It's the place my family ran to as well when our other country decided we had outlived our welcome there, and we've never regretted our decision. Neither will our Regulus. Have no fear for Gorgon…yet. He still has a few good years left.

_Nemo Returning_ – gasp How did you guess that Regulus will be back in a few years! And here I thought I was being so sneaky. Darn.

_Flamingteen_ – Thank you! Hope you like the next part!

'The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.'

- Martin Luther King

"You are sure he betrayed me?" Lord Voldemort asked quietly, staring at the green fire crackling in the black hearth.

Severus didn't move from where he lay behind his master. "Yes, my Lord. I caught him in my chambers speaking with my elf. He didn't realize it was my elf he was speaking to."

"And he was expressing doubts with our plans?"

"Not only doubts, my Lord. Revulsion. He even spoke of ways to sabotage our plans."

"I see." His voice was a low hiss, laced with anger.

Swallowing all of his fear and keeping his mind blank, Severus forced himself to keep a trace of anger in his voice. "I told Bella and we immediately went to take care of this threat. I would have come to you earlier, my Lord, but I was afraid he would try to run to those muggle-loving fools at the ministry. I know how busy you are and I didn't want to waste your time with such a trivial threat."

Lord Voldemort spun around. "There is no such thing as a trivial threat," he spat, his eyes digging into Severus' head.

"I'm sorry, my Lord."

"Silence! Our entire plan could be disrupted by one mistake and if this mistake comes from the delusioned thoughts of one of my ill children it could be the end of everything, no matter how useless and ill he is."

"I'm sorry, my Lord," Severus whispered again, trembling slightly, not knowing whether his master was still angry with him or not.

He heard the swishing of a cloak over marble and felt his head being raised. He kept his mind blank and tried to remember to breathe.

He felt master's red eyes burning into his mind, tearing through his thoughts. He carefully clung to the images of killing Regulus' double and other images he had made up in his mind before coming to master's chambers.

Luckily, Lord Voldemort seemed to believe him. The probe lasted only moments, and when he withdrew, his master smiled down at him and Bella.

"Very well done, my children. I always knew you two to be my most loyal servants."

"We will do anything to protect our master," Bella said.

Severus nodded. "Anything, my Lord. Without a moment's hesitation." He kept his voice cold and quiet, pushing down his fear and replacing it with ruthlessness.

Their master smiled down at him. "Where is he now?"

"He is still in my chambers, my Lord, where we left him."

"Good. We shall leave him there for now. Come to bed, my precious serpent, my raven. We have much to celebrate."

February, 1980

The Dark Manor

The weeks which followed Regulus' escape were filled with surprises. News of Regulus' apparent betrayal and his murder by the Dark Lord's most faithful flew around the dark manor. Severus' first instincts had been to brush off the compliments and satisfied smiles, but Salazar Slytherin sharply reprimanded him about it.

"Everybody in this manor thinks you committed a vicious yet justified murder. A blushing, shy child couldn't have done that. A ruthless, cold servant of the Dark Lord could have. Unless you want people frowning at you and asking suspicious questions, I would start living the role which you have unintentionally put yourself into."

"I'm not a cold blooded murderer, Mr. Slytherin."

"I couldn't care less what you are and what you aren't, but use your head! Everybody in this manor has a new found respect for you, and even a bit of fear. You have become a legitimate threat to them and for the first time in your life here, they will start thinking of you as more than a stupid whore."

Severus had glared at him at that last comment, but inside, he knew it was true. By betraying his master and helping Regulus escape, he had unintentionally become a ruthless murderer in his fellow Death Eater's eyes.

In the weeks that followed, he slowly adjusted to the new role he was supposed to play. He carried himself taller, didn't crawl away from confrontations anymore and got used to walking around with a constant cold sneer on his face.

The results were magical. People who had laughed at him, spat at him and treated him as worthless dirt, were suddenly giving him a wide berth, or treated him with respect. Nobody tried picking on him anymore and even Barty Crouch stayed out of his way.

Severus wasn't sure if he liked this new Severus he had started living as. This Severus was colder, harder but had a backbone of steel. He had to force himself to push his fear away and keep his other emotions hidden behind glittering eyes and a cold, threatening sneer.

Gorgon and Fawkes weren't sure they liked this new Severus either, but they knew it was a necessary façade so they kept quiet.

Gorgon only remarked on it once, quietly telling his young master to be careful with the roles he played so he would always remember who the real Severus was.

Severus had rolled his eyes and scowled at him, telling him that he wasn't stupid and he was in perfect control.

Mar. 9th, 1980

London

Lily pushed a strand of dark brown hair out of her eyes and fiddled with the glass of water sitting on the table before her.

"How long do you have?" she asked quietly, keeping her eyes down.

Severus pulled his hood further down and hunched over his glass of firewhisky. The shabby pub wasn't very busy at this time of day and the bartender was quietly speaking with an old witch sitting at the bar, but he was still edgy.

"Not very long. I told him I was getting potion ingredients for Dolohov."

She nodded, twirling a strand of hair around her fingers. She frowned at the dark color. She despised having to put the temporary dying charm on her hair, but Sev had reprimanded her about walking around with her normal hair color because people would have to be blind not to notice her.

"So you're sure he's after Gary?"

"After the way Lucius was complaining about him, I'm more than sure. He spent months talking to him and Thomas seemed receptive enough about the whole idea, but now he seems to be getting cold feet. The moron." He took a sip of his drink, glaring at the far wall at Gary Thomas' own stupidity. For young, lonely teenagers to be pulled into Lucius' web of lies was believable enough, but a grown, married man with a two months old child should be smarter.

"Be nice. You know as well as I do that Lucius can be damn persuasive if he wants to be. So when will this be happening?"

"In two nights time. The Dark Lord is sending two of Macnair's assistants to take care of it. They'll grab him when he's coming out of his office."

Lily sighed. "Damn him. He can never let anybody go, can he? Why does he always have to make everything so personal?"

That familiar surge of anger flared up within him. "Thomas was the one who led Lucius on."

Lily glared. "Don't you dare sit there and defend him! He just ordered the assassination of an innocent man, whose only mistake was letting his prejudiced views get in the way of his common sense," she hissed.

Severus glared right back and clenched his jaw. Pushing himself up, he threw a handful of sickles onto the table. "I'm going back"

Lily sighed, her anger already fading. "Sev, please don't storm out."

"and you better make damn sure that Gary Thomas doesn't leave that office of his tomorrow night, or if he ends up dead, it'll be your fault."

"Right, it won't be that sadistic bastards fault, will it?"

Without another word, Severus spun around and stormed out of the pub, slamming the door behind him.

Lily bit her lip and swore quietly as she glared at the water in her glass. "Damn it," she whispered.

Mar. 11th, 1980

London

Gary Thomas glanced up as his assistant, Janis, quietly knocked on his door. "Mr. Thomas?"

"Yes?"

"I realize it's almost time for you to leave, but I can't find the documents from that jinxed teapot scandal."

"Oh, the one from nearly two years ago?"

"Yes. You'll need it for that meeting tomorrow morning and I tried to find it in the storage room but everything in there is all over the place and…."

Gary smiled and waved a dismissive hand. "It's alright, Janis. Don't trouble yourself about it. I'll go down and see if I can find it."

"Oh, thank you, Mr. Thomas. Have a good night." Spinning around, she walked out of his office, humming to herself.

Gary frowned slightly. Since when did Janis hum to herself? Shrugging it off, he pushed himself up and started towards the storage room.

Nodding to the few people he passed in the hallway, he took out his wand and tapped the storage room's handle and muttered the password. The door clicked open and he walked in, shutting the door behind him.

"_Accio_ wand!"

Before he could react, he felt his wand being torn from his hands. Spinning around for the source of the voice, his eyes widened when he saw the two darkly robed and masked figures standing behind him.

"What do you want?" He cried, his voice trembling as fear set in. The two figures remained motionless, their wands pointed at him, one of them loosely holding his wand in their gloved hand.

"This is a restricted area! You can't be in here!" His eyes desperately stared at the door behind them. He had to get out of here.

The two of them sniggered. "You can't be in here!" one of them mimicked him in a high pitched voice before laughing.

"I already told your Mr. Malfoy I didn't want any part in your madness! Get the hell away from me!"

Immediately, the laughter faded and the two of them took a step towards him, cold hatred radiating from behind their masks.

He took a step back, sick fear coursing through him as sweat beaded on his forehead. He was going to die. They were going to kill him and he would never see Melora or his son again.

"Help! Help me! Janis!" He screamed, hoping that she hadn't left yet.

One of them sniggered again. "Keep screaming but nobody can hear you."

"You're about to make a big mistake. My assistant will come looking for me soon and when she does, you both are going to rot in Azkaban for the rest of your lives!" he hissed, shaking.

"Oh, I don't think dear Janis will be telling anybody anything anymore."

Pointing his wand at a spot between the shelves behind him laden with boxes of papers and books, he muttered '_Accio_ body' and Janis' body flew towards him and landed at Gary's feet with a sickening thump.

Gary stared down at her lifeless body, her eyes staring up at the ceiling blankly. "No," he whimpered, fear nearly making him start to sob. He raised his eyes and stared at the two dark figures. "Please," he whispered. "Please don't do this. Please. I promise I won't say anything."

The two of them sniggered and one of them raised their wand and pointed it at his heart.

"Please! I won't say anything!"

His heart was madly thudding in his chest and he had time to glance down at Janis one last time. His last thought was how sorry he was about everything.

Then he heard the hissed '_Avada Kedavra_' and the blinding green light which filled his vision was the last thing he ever saw.


	15. Chapter 15

Path of Shaded Light 

Chapter 15

'Little people make things happen, not Generals.'

Karl Marx

Severus glanced up from the herbs he was pounding when Bella waltzed into his room, humming in satisfaction. Twirling around, she dropped into his chair.

"What the bloody hell are you so happy about?"

She sighed happily. "A job well done. Gary Thomas is history."

Severus nearly dropped his pestle. Shock clutched him and he nearly forgot to breathe. He stared wordlessly at Bella for a moment.

"_Would you get the look of shock off your face_!" Fawkes hissed at him.

Moments later, he pushed the shock away and gripped the pestle and resumed his pounding, his hand trembling slightly.

"Who is Gary Thomas again?" He asked, trying to sound like he was trying to feign interest.

Bella laughed. "Sevvie! He was the idiot Lucius was trying to recruit for months but he decided he didn't want any part in master's grand plans. Ungrateful bastard! After everything that master was willing to do for him. He deserved what he got."

"So he's dead?"

"Yup. Saw his body with my own eyes. I didn't get to kill him thought," she pouted, sticking her lower lip out and staring at the ceiling. "Avery and Wilkes got to do it. I had to prance around and be his stupid little assistant."

Severus rolled his eyes. "My sympathies."

Bella laughed again. "You're always so funny, Sevvie."

"So it's all done? His family too?"

She shook her head. "Avery and Macnair are on their way over there right now. I wanted to go but the Polyjuice Potion made me a bit queasy."

Severus grabbed another bunch of herbs and started pounding them. "Again, my deepest sympathies."

"Sevvie, you don't seem to care at all."

He shrugged. "I don't, actually. I couldn't care less if some stupid moron is eliminated for being a fool."

She laughed again and twirled a strand of hair around her fingers. "Sevvie, can I have something for the queasiness? My tummy's all upset."

Sighing, Severus glanced at his shelf and snapped his fingers at one of the bottles. Pointing it at Bella, he watched it drift over to her. "Take a sip now and in about an hour. Don't drink all of though."

Grabbing the bottle, she pushed herself up and giggled at him. "You are just so funny, Sevvie."

Humming to herself, she waltzed out of the room, shutting the door behind her. Severus' thoughts were frozen for a moment and the only sound in his mind was Bella's humming as she mentally continued humming to herself, the deranged noise carrying over their bond.

As soon as she was gone, Severus let the pestle drop to the table with a clatter.

"_Shit. Shit, shit, shit! Bird, he's dead_!"

"_I don't understand how on earth this could have happened! Lord High and Mighty was very specific with the plan_."

"_They must have changed it at the last moment. Shit_!"

"_Would you stop with this profanity? It isn't helping_."

"_Helping! Bird, we were supposed to protect him and he's dead and his family will be too if we just stand here_!"

"_What on earth are you suggesting? We're too late, Severus, there's nothing we can do. Avery and Macnair are on their way over there right now. I could get a message to Albus, of course, but even that will come to late! Don't be foolish_!"

Chewing on his lower lip, he ran to his closet and yanked out his robe and mask. Pulling them on, he quietly hissed for his elf.

Gorgon instantly apparated beside him. "What happened, young master?"

"Thomas' assassination is what happened!" he hissed in Elfish.

"What? But I thought"

"There's no time for thinking about it, elf! We need to get to that house before Avery and Macnair do!"

"We no just rushing out of here like this! Too suspicious!" His elf hissed at him.

Frantic, Severus turned around and pointed his wand at the herbs on his work table. Muttering an aging spell, he watched as they shrivelled up and dried. "There, I couldn't possibly use those now, could I?"

"No, unfortunately. Must get new ones right away."

Pulling his cloak on and yanking his mask on, Severus hurried to his door and rushed out. As soon as he was in the hallway, he slowed down and walked briskly towards the stables, glaring at everyone along the way.

"_Fawkes, send a message to the headmaster right away. Tell him to send aurors to the Thomas' house as fast possible and that we'll try to take care of things before they get there_."

He felt the bird's presence fading from him as Fawkes accessed the bond he shared with the headmaster.

Once he reached the stable, he ran to Xira and swung up onto her back, pulling Gorgon in front of him. Giving her a low whistle, he urged her into a canter and her hooves clattered over the dark stone floor until they reached the stone wall at the end and passed through it as if it were air. She spread her leathery wings and Severus twisted one hand into her mane while holding onto Gorgon with the other, the cold night air whipping past him.

"We get there in time, young master. We have to."

"We already messed up once today, elf. We better not mess this one up too."

XXXXXX

Bella continued humming to herself as she walked back to her room, the bottle dangling from her fingers.

"_Shit. Shit, shit, shit! Bird, he's dead_!"

Bella smiled and shook her head. What was wrong with her Sevvie! He seemed to be in a constant bad mood lately. And what was this bird he was talking about? Was bird a new nickname for her? Bird. Birdie. She kind of liked it.

"_I don't understand how on earth this could have happened! Lord High and Mighty was very specific with the plan_."

"_They must have changed it at the last moment. Shit_!"

"_Would you stop with this profanity? It isn't helping_."

"_Helping! Bird, we were supposed to protect him and he's dead and his family will be too if we just stand here_!"

Bella frowned and slowed down, coming to a halt. What was Sevvie talking about? Helping Thomas? Thomas was a bad, bad person. Thomas disappointed master and needed to be punished. Why would Sevvie have to help him?

"_What on earth are you suggesting? We're too late, Severus, there's nothing we can do. Avery and Macnair are on their way over there right now. I could get a message to Albus, of course, but even that will come to late! Don't be foolish_!"

And whose voice was that? Bella clutched her head with both hands, her eyes widening, her mind trying to piece these strange fragments together.

"_Fawkes, send a message to the headmaster right away. Tell him to send aurors to the Thomas' house as fast possible and that we'll try to take care of things before they get there_."

She let out a gasp and then quickly covered her mouth with her hands. "Shh! Shh!" she hissed at Sevvie's voice in her head. She quickly turned her bond off, not wanting to hear any more.

She dropped to her knees and curled up on the floor, holding her head tightly. Oh, her Sevvie. What had her Sevvie done! Oh, these bad, bad thoughts he was having! Bad, bad thoughts.

Eyes wide, she clutched her head tighter, trying to hide these thoughts from the people walking by her. She started humming loudly again, trying to make sure nobody heard what her Sevvie had said.

Her Sevvie was betraying their master. And nobody knew except for her, and Gorgon probably.

"Shh! Shh!" she whispered frantically.

This was a big secret. A big, big secret. It was Sevvie's secret, and now it was hers too. She always liked secrets.

Her eyes darted around the hallway. This was a dangerous secret. Sevvie was ill, she knew that, but he seemed to be happier than he had been when using the crystals. Yes, her Sevvie was ill but this was their secret.

A secret she would keep. Her and her bondmate. She smiled slightly, still humming loudly.

This was a bad, dangerous secret, but she would keep it quiet. Master could never know how ill Sevvie was or he would hurt him, trying to make him better. Bella understood that that was the way master would make Sevvie better, but if Sevvie didn't want master to know about these bad thoughts and what he was doing due to his illness, then she wouldn't tell him either.

This would be their secret.

She smiled.

Their secret.

XXXXXX

Twigs cracked underneath Xira's hooves as she slowly walked through the dense forest behind the small town of Burginham. Severus cringed at the noise and pulled on her mane to stop her and he and Gorgon listened for any other noises. Nothing.

Sliding off her, Severus whispered for the Thestral to stay where she was and keep out of sight. Gorgon leapt off her and pulled out his wand and muttered a darkening charm at his pillow case, making it black and hopefully not as easy to see.

Keeping low to the ground, Severus and Gorgon crept through bushes and darted around trees, until they were at the edge of the forest.

"Get down, Gorgon," Severus whispered, lying down and peering through his mask at the houses before him.

The town of Burginham was small, consisting of a few houses, a grocery store and a church. Wizarding folk as well as muggles lived in the town, half of the residents blissfully unaware of what kind of people their neighbors were.

Severus muttered his illumination charm and stuck the blue flames into his eyes as he squinted at the darkened streets and houses.

"We knowing which house it is?" Gorgon whispered, lying beside his young master and frowning as he stared at the houses.

"No idea. We'll have to wait until we see Macnair or Avery."

They didn't have to wait long. The air in the middle of the street swirled slightly and two darkly robed figures apparated out of nowhere. Not wasting any time, they turned and walked towards one of the houses.

Motioning to his elf, Severus crept forward, avoiding dry sticks and leaves as much as possible. They had to get closer to them but not close enough to risk being seen.

Reaching the edge of the forest, they got up and scrambled across a patch of grass before crouching down behind an old dried up well. Severus peered around the corner and saw one of the figures gesturing at the house they were approaching. The other one had stopped and had slowly turned around and was staring at the well, rubbing his left forearm, obviously sensing the presense of another mark nearby. Severus felt fear well up inside of him, clutching his arm as it that would shield it from its brothers.

While the dark man kept staring at the well, his partner smacked him on the shoulder and gestured at his own arm before pointing at the house again, obviously telling him to concentrate. They both pulled out their wands and muttered some spells, causing the air around the house to ripple as the protective wards came down.

Severus slowly raised his wand and forced himself to concentrate and focus. Taking careful aim, he whispered _'Stupefy'_ at one of the figures, putting as much power into the whispered words as he could.

One of them immediately crumbled to the ground, but the other, larger oneMacnair probablyspun around and pointed his wand at the well.

Severus yanked his head back behind the well and moments later, saw a jet of red light fly past him from Macnair's own stunning spell. Severus tried to remember how to breathe.

Gorgon's eyes were wide as he crouched beside his young master. "I hear Master Walden coming this way, young master. What we do? If he sees young master in robes, he remember and tell Dark Lord that it was one of own that stopped attack!"

Severus bit his lip, thinking quickly as he heard the crunching of gravel beneath Macnair's boots as he walked closer. "_Bird! Bird, where are you_?"

Moments later, he felt the bird's presence flare up within his mind.

"_The aurors are on their way, Severus. They should be here in a few moments_."

"_Bird, we need a distraction. Quickly_."

"_What for_?"

The slow crunching was slowly coming closer.

"_There is no time to explain_!" Severus yanked out the red vial of sparkling fluid from his robes and clutched it in his hands. "_Bird, assume your normal form and fly out from behind here. Make some sort of spectacular show, something to draw Macnair's attentions for a moment while I stun him_."

"_You want me to fly out into the waiting wand of a Death Eater_!"

"_If you don't, then he'll discover us and there will be hell to pay! Put your damn cowardice aside for just a moment and go_!"

The footsteps were right behind the well now and at any moment, Macnair would come around it and see them.

Suddenly, the vial in Severus' hand seemed to explode as a shower of fire and bright sparks lit up the darkness and Fawkes shot out from behind the well with a tremendous bang, a trail of fire streaming from his wings and tail as he hurled through the air and past Macnair.

Severus stuck his head around the well and saw Macnair spin around as his wand pointed at the magical creature hurling through the air.

"_Stupefy_!" Severus cried, the noise Fawkes was creating nearly drowning out his words. Reflexes honed by hours of intense dueling training made Macnair immediately spin back around and aim his wand at the well, but the jet of red light hit him squarely in the chest before he had a chance to say a word and he crumbled to the ground.

Breathing heavily, Gorgon and Severus both stared at Macnair, making sure he wasn't moving. A light had turned on in one of the houses and somebody stuck their head out of the window, but after staring around, they shrugged and shut the window. A few seconds later, the light turned back out. Both Severus and Gorgon drew in deep breaths of relief.

Looking around himself, Severus saw a dull glow of red hiding behind a shed beside the Thomas' house.

"_Fawkes! Get back here before the aurors come_."

The glow didn't move an inch. Severus cursed quietly. "_It's alright, bird! They're both stunned_!"

The phoenix peered out from behind the shed, his beady black eyes darting from Avery to Macnair's still forms before flying back over to Severus, landing on his shoulder, his large golden scarlet wings flapping quietly.

"_Let me make something clear right now. I am never doing that again! Never! That was absolutely terrifying_!"

"_Bird, be quiet and get back into your vial. Your glow is going to draw the aurors attention more than two stunned Death Eaters will_."

Grumbling something about a lack of gratitude, the phoenix spun around and started swirling in a kaleidoscope of color until there was a small glass vial in Severus' hand. He stuck it into his pocket.

Pulling up the sleeve of his left arm, he studied his mark carefully, the eyes of the skull glowing a faint red, enjoying being so close to other bearers of the mark but still being irritated at being in a town with light magic.

"Are aurors close?"

"Not yet." Severus pushed himself up and hurried over to Macnair and Avery's stunned forms. Pointing his wand at their foreheads, he muttered '_Obliviate_' at both of them, making them lose their short term memory temporarily. He hadn't put a lot of power into spell. He didn't want them to forget what they had come for, he only wanted them to forget that it hadn't been aurors who had stunned them.

Gorgon was biting his lip as he stared around the dark houses. "Young master must hurry!"

Stepping away from Avery, Severus spun around and started running back to the woods, his mark starting to tingle as it detected the approaching apparating forms of aurors.

Gorgon grabbed his robe as they ran through the bushes, nearly tripping over fallen trees but not stopping until they were far enough away from the edge of the forest.

Slamming themselves onto the ground, they both peered through the trees, trying to calm their gasping breaths. Avery was starting to stir slightly, the stunning spell not having been very strong, just like Severus had intended. He had wanted to stop them, not have them caught. That would anger master even more than a botched attack. Suddenly, Avery sat up straight, clutching his head slightly but training making him pull out of his wand and point it around. Seeing Macnair lying on the ground, Avery crawled over to him, shaking him.

Moments later, the air swirled as four aurors apparated into the street, their wands drawn as they spun around, checking for danger.

One of them gave a quiet shout upon seeing Avery bending over Macnair, who had been enervated but was holding his head and was obviously just as confused as Avery.

Avery sent a spell hurling towards the auror who had seen him, and then grabbed onto Macnair's arm and apparated them both away with a bang as jets of light shot through the spot where they had just been.

"They gone. Good. At least Dark Master not as angry as could be."

"He'll still ask questions, elf. We have to get to Diagon Alley quickly and buy some herbs so we have a good enough alibi. Hopefully Avery and Macnair will assume that they were stunned by the Thomas' or by the aurors."

Severus stared across the darkened street where the aurors were busy searching around the houses. One of them knocked on the Thomas' door and a young woman answered the door, a small infant in her arms, her eyes wide as she stared around, asking the auror questions.

The auror shuffled his feet and looked at the ground, obviously not wanting to tell her that her husband had been murdered a few hours before.

Severus turned away, not wanting to see her face when she was told. It had been his mistake that had cost Gary Thomas his life. And that small childDean or somethingwould have to grow up never really having known his father.

Whistling gently for Xira, Severus tried to find the enthusiasm to smile at his elf's happy whispers of having done a good job, but somehow, their victory felt hollow.

The scream of anguish which rung in his ears as they galloped off through the forest would stay with him for the rest of his life.


	16. Chapter 16

Path of Shaded Light

Chapter 16

Author's Note: I know it's been a long, long time and I apologize for that but writer's block has been wrestling my muse down for weeks now. Thankfully, my muse is one tough lady and has fought back with a vengence. I have written up too many chapters to count and have decided it's time to start uploading again. I hope people are still interested in my little story and I swear I'll keep my muse on a tight leash so she can't run away from me again. The next few chapters should be up in about a week, and I swear updates will become weekly from now on. Enjoy the next part and tell me what you think (or just yell at me for being so slow, really, either's fine.)

'The night has a thousand eyes,

And the day but one;

Yet the light of the bright world dies,

With the dying sun.'

Francis William Bourdillon

Mar. 17th, 1980

Hogwarts School

Dumbledore leaned forward in his chair and glanced at Severus, who was immersed in the large magical map spread out on the table before him. Fawkes sat on his perch behind the desk, preening and shaking his feathers out, always putting on a show as he shook the stiffness out of his limbs after being cooped up in Severus' mind for so long. Not surpringly, the bird wasn't interested in the least with what they were all doing in the office.

"So you are certain it will happen at Burginham?"

Severus glanced up at him. "Yes. Only the masters and Bella and myself know of the actual location and it is concrete."

Lily nodded and winced as she put a hand on the small bulge of her stomach. "It would make sense. Gary Thomas wasn't the first person from that village who has defied him. So of course he feels it's a personal insult or something equally deranged and he decides to exterminate the entire village."

Severus clenched his jaw as anger seeped through him. "The Dark Lord feels that Burginham has become a security risk, Evans--"

"Right. That's why he's planning on razing it to the ground. What an enormous threat a small group of wizarding families with young children poses! Yes, Lord High and Mighty's personal well being is at an enormous risk--"

Severus whipped around and glared at her and opened his mouth in a snarl, but the headmaster held up a hand.

"Mrs. Potter, that will be quite enough. Severus, please have a seat."

Sending her another glare, Severus sat down and stared at the map again. "He is expecting there to be a large conflict. He knows about the auror patrols you have stationed there and he knows that you will have enforcements brought in."

"How does he know about the patrols?" Lily asked quietly.

Severus lifted his chin slightly, still feeling bad about having told master such crucial information but not having been able to lie about it.

"I was sent there along with Avery to gather intelligence. It was impossible for our accounts to be different and I felt that trying to manipulate Avery magically was taking too large a risk."

To his surprise, Dumbledore nodded. "A wise decision, dear. You take too many risks as it is and putting your life on the line for such small bits of information isn't worth it. It's just as well that he knows we have aurors there. He will be bringing his own in large numbers, I'm assuming so it's just as well that we try to be as evenly matched as possible."

Severus glanced down at the map where little figures were scampering about the streets of Burginham, some dressed in blue and some in black.

"You will need more troops, headmaster. The Dark Lord is preparing for a fast and efficient strike. He believes that if he brings as many of us as he can spare that it will be a fast and decisive victory."

Dumbledore nodded. "I'm meeting Alastor later on tonight and we will go over how many people we can rally. Do you have any idea how he plans to position his own troops?"

Severus nodded and used his finger to move the black figures around a bit. Evans put down her cup of tea and stood beside him, watching him. "Most of us are riding in on Thestrals but the side flanks are apparating in a few moments before we arrive."

"Thestrals? Isn't that being a bit obvious?"

Severus sighed, agreeing with her. He had been trying to smoothly bring this point across to his master for days, but all he had gotten for his trouble was disappointed sighs at his own apparent denseness and long bouts of the cruciatus curse.

"He is overly confident about this battle. He wants there to be big show followed by a swift victory. He doesn't only want the people of Burginham to be killed, but he wants them to be afraid before they die."

Dumbledore nodded, his eyes still scanning the map, not seeming a bit surprised. Severus frowned as he also looked at the figures moving around on the old parchment.

"Your best line of defense would be to have some fighters hidden on the roofs. We will be flying in from all directions, but I believe if there are people on the roofs, that they will be high enough to slow us down a bit while your ground troops fight the flanks which had apparated in earlier."

Nodding, the headmaster moved some of the blue figures around. For the next little while, there was only quiet conversation as the three of them moved the blue figures around the map, forming and reforming different groups in various positions. Finally, Severus nodded, satisfied.

"Unless he changes his tactics at the last moment, you will be as well protected as possible, headmaster. We should however, have a back up plan. If at any point during the night before the attack, he changes his mind about something, I will write a note and transfigure it into a small pebble. I will send Gorgon to hide it in the usual spot."

Lily nodded. "In the wall in the alley?"

"Yes. Will you be able to get there in the middle of the night?"

She nodded again. "Meryl lives right down the street from there. I'll go over and chatter on with her for a few hours and slip out to check at random times. She can be quite dim at times, she'll never even notice I'm gone."

Satisfied, Severus took one last look at the map and then turned around, grabbing his cloak from the chair. "If that is all, headmaster, I must be getting back. I have dueling training starting in less than an hour."

The headmaster had sat down and was quietly looking at him with concern in his eyes. Severus frowned. "Is everything alright, headmaster? If you are concerned about what I am going to tell the Dark Lord upon my return, you may rest assured. I will not reveal our actual plan of attack."

Dumbledore smiled slightly. "That's precisely what I'm worried about, dear. If you tell him a complete lie, he will realize it as soon as you all arrive at Burginham."

Severus waved a dismissive hand. "I will simply tell him that you must have changed your plans."

"Yes, and what use as a spy are you to him if your information is faulty?"

He frowned. "I don't understand, headmaster. I cannot tell him the truth!"

"All I'm saying is, that you must remain in his trust for as long as you can. Not only for the war effort, but for your own well being. Don't lie to him unless it is absolutely necessary and tell him half truths where at all possible. Give him some of our actual tactical positions and say that I wasn't sure about the rest yet. Knowing Tom he will try to adjust his own plans given the information you will tell him, but we will deal with that when the time comes."

Severus nodded, still resenting the thought of giving master valuable information, but knowing that he had to think of the larger picture.

"Very well, headmaster. I will return if I learn of any changes to his plans, or if not, I will leave it in Gorgon and Evans' hands to convey the information to you."

"Thank you, Severus."

Nodding, and jerking his head slightly at Lily, Severus spun around to leave. "Severus?"

Pausing, he half turned. "Yes, headmaster?"

"Be careful out there." Severus nearly scoffed off the warning, but seeing the genuine concern in the somber blue eyes, he nodded gently. "I will be, headmaster."

Turning back around, he swept out of the office, along the way telling Fawkes to meet him outside in a few minutes. He was about to shut the door behind him when he felt it being pulled back and he glanced over his shoulder to see Lily squeeze through it after him.

"Evans, our meeting is finished. There is nothing more we have to discuss."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Oh, yes there is, but not here. Let's go up to the owlery."

Severus snorted. "Evans, anybody might come up to the owlery at any moment." Turning around, he made his way down the revolving staircase and paused before the gargoyle, who slowly moved to the side, the stone grinding across the marble floors. Peeking around the corner and feeling like a third year sneaking along the corridors, Severus made sure nobody was coming and then motioned for Evans to follow him.

They hurried down the hallway until they reached an empty classroom. Quietly making his way to the empty fireplace, Severus crouched down and touched the cool, dusty bricks, feeling them warm and watching as the bricks dissolved before his eyes.

Glancing back at Evans, he motioned her forward and then slid down the long chute, such a feeling of nostalgia washing over him that he momentarily forgot everything that had happened since he had last slid down these chutes.

Once they reached the bottom, they dusted themselves off and then fell into an awkward silence.

"Don't you want to go to your room, Sev?"

"No," he said shortly, not offering any other explanation. He didn't want to go back to his room. Too many hollow promises and broken dreams lay strewn around in it.

"Alright, fine."

Severus crossed his arms. "What did you want, Evans? Unlike the wife of a millionaire, I actually have things to do."

She stared at him, hurt flickering through her green eyes, which was quickly replaced by anger. "What the hell is the matter with you?"

"There is nothing the matter with me, Evans," he hissed back.

"Sev, you've been angry as hell for the past few days—"

"People change, Evans! Anyway, if you expect me to be a ray of sunshine all of a sudden, I have to tell you that you've been wasting your time."

"Sev, I don't expect you to be a ray of sunshine. I know that's not who you are and I don't need you to be something you're not, and I know that you've needed to change the way you act around certain people since this mess started, but I hate it that you have to keep that act up around me. It's not who you are, Sev!"

"It's who I've become, Evans! Deal with it."

She shook her head. "No."

"No?" He raised an eyebrow incredulously. "You damn, selfish Gryffindor—"

"Stop it, Sev! You're really starting to irritate the hell out of me. Do you think I don't see why you're being so damn snarky? You think I'm just like the others? I'm not, Sev. I know you. Something happened that's eating away at you and you're shutting it all away and hide under your spy image."

Scowling, Severus made a disgusted noise and turned away from her. Why were her and Gorgon so damn good at seeing what nobody else saw? What he didn't want anybody else to see?

Closing his eyes, he sighed. She didn't say anything while she waited for him to speak.

"I messed up."

Evans sighed. "Sev, I know that, but you've made the best out of a terrible situation and you've more than made up for the mistakes you've done—"

"I don't mean the whole mess, Evans. I messed up something small which should have been easy enough to deal with but I still messed it up and Gary Thomas had to pay that price."

Evans frowned, trying to remember the exact circumstances of Thomas' death. "Sev—"

"Evans, just shut up and don't say anything, alright? I feel bad enough."

She shook her head firmly and went over to him and grabbed his chin to force him to look at her. "Sev, listen to me. Gary's death wasn't your fault! You risked your neck telling me he was a target and you did the best you could to prevent his death. It isn't your fault that Mister Red Eyes decided to change the plan at the last second! You weren't the one who killed him, Sev."

He stared at her, some of his anger fading. "You don't blame me for what happened?"

"No, Sev. I don't. You did all you could. You can't win them all, Sev. Remember that, please. It'll destroy you otherwise."

He stared at her for a long while before he finally nodded. "Alright, fine. A mudblood knows best." A small trace of a smile curled his lips.

She cuffed him hard in the arm and grinned at him. "Of course we do. You ought to tell Mister Red Eyes that. It might change his mind about this whole mess."

Severus snorted with quiet laughter. "Not bloody likely."

"No, probably not. Crazy people are difficult to talk to."

"Which is why I avoid talking to you as much as possible."

Her laughter rang down the dark tunnels and Severus couldn't help but laugh too. No matter what tomorrow or the day after brought, he could always count on Evans being the small, fiercely stubborn and bright sunlight in his life.

Mar. 19th, 1980

The Dark Manor

A stream of light flashed over his left shoulder as he hurled himself to the right, twisting his body while he levitated himself and used his spin to wind the spell around his body and lift him higher. Feeling the tingle of magic starting to grow on his right, he threw out a hand to stop his spin and spun the other way, holding out his left arm to deflect the spell. Moments later, he felt the sting as the cruciatus curse deflected off his mark and he quickly stopped the levitation spell and fell to the ground, lightly landing on his hands and feet. While crouching, he had already felt the gathering of another curse and threw himself to the right onto his outstretched left arm. Using magic to hold himself upside down, he felt the spell hit his mark dead center and deflect.

Smirking slightly, he dropped down again and felt two curses coming at him from higher up. Flattening himself, he felt them whiz past his head and back and then immediately levitated his flat body when he felt two others starting to come at him from lower down. While he was levitating, he was quietly smirking about missing the two curses which hurled past him, and missed the fact that he was levitating too quickly and didn't have time to stop and deflect the curse which flew at him before he had a chance to register it's presence.

With a small cry, he felt the curse hit him and the pain engulfed him, immediately making his own flow of magic come to a halt. He crashed to the floor, writhing on it and gritting his teeth from the pain before it suddenly disappeared.

Wearily, he forced himself to roll over and put his trembling arms down to push himself up, when he heard a deep gong resounding through the hall.

It was over.

He gasped for air as sweat streamed down his face and made his robe cling to him and his pulse madly hammered in his ears. He wanted nothing more than to collapse back onto the floor and let the cool black tiles sooth him, but he grit his teeth and forced himself to stand up straight.

Staring straight ahead, he pulled himself straight and didn't move as he felt master's gaze quietly traveling down the row of heavily breathing, sweating figures.

Severus heard master snapping his fingers and saw two of Macnair's assistants hurry forward and drag away the moaning, trembling body of one of the duelers who hadn't managed to force her exhausted body to stand up at the end. Such disrespect was intolerable in master's eyes.

Severus grit his teeth as he watched the woman being dragged away to be punished, but didn't allow himself to think about any of it.

Master nodded and gave them all a small smile of satisfaction. "Well done," he said quietly, leaning down to share a proud smile with Nagini. "Next," he called out.

Forcing his tired legs to move, Severus stumbled out of his little warded cube and spared a glare at the hovering blue sphere a few meters away from him which had been shooting randomly directed cruciatus curses at him. It had been the third time in two days that he had been in the cube. Master was obsessively training them for this upcoming battle, as he had for all other squirmishes.

Their normal dueling training had been enhanced by all sorts of half crazy and half successful exercises the Dark Lord had dreamed up.

Not only did they duel against each other with the usual handicaps and partnership changes, but they had numerous other training exercises they had to complete on a strict schedule. Two of master's favourites were the chaser and the cube. The chaser was a derivative of quidditch. It involved a person standing in a room with three circles painted on the wall infront and behind them, representing the hoops on a quidditch pitch. Curses had to be thrown at the shielded walls which would then madly deflect back and forth between each other. The objective was threefold. The most important was not to get struck by the rebounding spell, the other was to always have the spell hitting the inside of one of the hoops, and the third was to get the spell to deflect back and forth as much as possible. It not only required enormous power to generate a strong enough spell to rebound enough to outlive the others curses which were striving to do the same, but to grab mental control of that spell and force it to go precisely where you wanted it to. It was mentally and magically exhausting. Generating the spell was one thing but grabbing a spell hurling through the air and making it move half a centimeter to the left or right before it rebounded and nearly singed your hair and then grabbing it before it hit the other wall three centimeters outside the upmost hoop was an exhausting process. Especially if it went on for two to three hours at a time.

The cube was just as exhausting but also incorporated physical pain. Everybody stood in small cubes which were sealed off and warded to prevent the escape of anybody or any spell once somebody was inside. Shimmering blue spheres floated across the front face of the cube, randomly sending off cruciatus curses at the person inside. The objective was to avoid being hit by the curse for as long as possible. It was absolutely forbidden to fire anything at the spheres and trying to get out of the cube before master announced that it was over. Only deflections of the curses were allowed, accomplished solely by the mark, nothing else. It didn't matter to master how long somebody spent lying on the floor, crying and pleading for it to stop as curse after curse hit them. Severus knew this and worked all the harder to feel the approximate generation of the spell and to avoid it at all costs. Master didn't care what shape you were in by the time you got out of the cube, only that you hadn't left it prematurely and that you were standing by the end of it.

The training was merciless and harsh and Severus was constantly sore and tired, swallowing dozens of potions a day just to keep from collapsing from pain or fatigue, but he kept going. Master had always been proud of the fact that he and Bella were two of his best duelers and he wouldn't have anything less. It was their duty not to disappoint him.

Mar. 23th, 1980

The Dark Manor

"And his third flank will be right here?"

"Yes, my Lord."

Severus carefully kept his head bowed as he watched his master step back from the enormous magical map he had conjured up and had put against a wall in his chambers.

The other masters and Bella stood quietly, their eyes glued to the floor in respect, waiting for their master to ask something of them.

"Is there anything else, my serpent?"

Not taking his eyes off the floor and keeping all thoughts of flying aurors and broomsticks out of his head, he shook his head. "No, my Lord. That is his complete battle plan as of now."

Nodding to himself, Lord Voldemort strode forward and started rearranging the black figures on the map, reconfiguring their own troops.

From time to time, he would call over his shoulder for somebody to remind him of the exact geographical design of a certain street corner or send someone to fetch him another glass of wine.

Finally, he stepped back and Severus carefully raised his eyes again. His heart sank. Master had completely reconfigured their attack flanks and defensive positions. Again.

XXXXXX

"He doesn't know anything about the fliers. I've managed to keep it hidden."

Dumbledore nodded as he moved little blue people around the map, Severus having changed the positions of the black figures moments before.

"Very good, dear. At least we'll have that advantage. Has he delayed the final date?"

"No. He's overly confident. He knows I must tell you parts of his new plan and that you will reconfigure your plan again and then I'll have to go back and tell him and he'll change his again and—"

The headmaster chuckled softly. "It's not easy, is it?"

Severus gave an irritated sigh. The headmaster had no idea. "No, sir. It all feels completely useless, running back and forth and telling everybody everything and having everything change all the time. It's confusing and irritating."

"Ah, but it's not all useless, Severus. Everytime you go back to him you keep a little bit of information to yourself so on the battlefield, our side will still have some advantages. And no matter how small those advantages might be, they might make the difference between life and death."

Severus felt a tiny glow within himself at having the headmaster refer to his side as their side and he nodded, knowing it was true.

Nevertheless, he still couldn't wait until this was over.

"_I couldn't agree with you more, Severus. This can't be good for our heads_." Fawkes sniffed.

XXXXXX

"So the old fool will be staying in headquarters, hm?"

"Yes, my Lord."

"Find out where they will set up headquarters. We might be able to do something about that."

"Yes, my Lord."

XXXXXX

"Tom is getting braver by the minute, isn't he?"

"It's more like he's getting overconfident, sir."

"Hm. That will only work to our advantage. Tell him I will be in the old pub on Ainsworth Street."

"You won't actually be there, will you, sir?"

"We'll see, dear."

XXXXXX

"Ow, Sevvie. Everything hurts."

"It should, Bella. Getting hit right in the ribs by a bone disintegration hex isn't meant to be painless."

"At least I got Rabastan right back."

"He won't be able to walk for at least a day."

She giggled. "It was pretty good, wasn't it? And you nailing Barty two seconds afterwards was just beautiful. Master was so pleased. Did you see his face?"

"Yeah, I did, Bella."

Another giggle which stopped abruptly. "Oh, damn it. I can't even laugh without it hurting. Sevvie, I can't wait for training to go back to normal. I want this to end."

"Trust me, Bella, I can't agree with you more."

XXXXXX

"Ainsworth? A good, strong tactical position."

"Will we be attacking headquarters, my Lord?"

"Be quiet, Avery! I don't recall asking you a question!"

"My apologies, my Lord."

"Silence! I can't hear myself think. What on earth were we talking about?"

"Headquarters, my Lord. On Ainsworth Street."

"Headquarters! What the hell do we want with headquarters? The old fool's hide is secondary to our main objective! Where will his third flank be? Severus!"

"On Periwinkle Road, my Lord."

Muttering about incompetence, the Dark Lord strode forward to the map again, the black figures scurrying around it.


	17. Chapter 17

Path of Shaded Light

Chapter 17

'Man is his own star. His acts are his angels, good or ill, while his fatal shadows walk silently beside him.'

- Andromeda, 'The Dissonant'

Mar. 27th, 1980

Burginham

Severus nervously yanked on his mask and felt Xira fidget beneath him. Beside him, Bella was hunched over, tearing out little strands of her Thestral's hair, not the slightest bit nervous. Dusk had settled around them, bathing the dark crowd of black riders on black horses in graying, fading light. Only a few more minutes.

Severus heard a few of the Thestrals snorting softly and pawing at the ground, but other than that, nobody said a word. Hours of training had turned them all into disciplined, strong soldiers. Taking a deep breath, Severus still couldn't help but feel nervous. For the first time in a long time, he was truly alone. Fawkes had sped out of his conscience while they rode over from the dark manor to help the headmaster with some last minute organization and Gorgon had to stay back at the manor. The emptiness in his mind was unsettling. To occupy it with something, he opened his link with Bella and quietly listened to her humming.

He tried to decide if it was the impending battle making him nervous or just the fact that Fawkes wasn't in his head. He decided it had to be the latter. They had had too much training for this to really scare him. He knew he was ready for this. They were all quick and strong. Or at least, the ones who were here were quick and strong. Some had been given permission by master to remain behind. Among these people was none other than Narcissa Malfoy. Not only had she routinely claimed fatigue and illness as reasons for not attending training, but she had managed to wriggle out of actually fighting as well. Oh well. It really was for the best. Narcissa Malfoy was a socialite, not a fighter. It had become apparent to Severus years ago that Narcissa had simply taken the mark in order to be elevated in the prestigious circles of the upper class pureblood families, where it was most fashionable these days to agree with the Dark Lord, and of course, to join him. She lived for the social responsibilities which accompanied being the wife of a prominent and wealthy pureblood wizard and Death Eater. She didn't care for the cause (although she would never openly admit it) and cared even less about the fighting going on. She had even sent Severus a note that morning, asking for him to please make her more of the skin revitalization potion he had been making for Bella for a few months. It diminished the appearance of wrinkles and pores and strengthened the skin. The only problem was that the recipe called for a pint of virgin witch blood to be used. Severus had refused to sacrifice innocent human lives for cosmetic reasons, so he simply substituted rat blood, which proved to have the exact same effects. Everytime he thought of Narcissa smearing rat blood all over her face, he felt slightly more cheered by the fact that she was sitting snugly in her enormous manor, complaining of all manners of illness and that he was here, ready to ride into battle and possibly die.

The humming abruptly stopped. "_Sevvie_?"

"_Hmm_?"

"_You have my back, right_?"

"_Of course I do_."

"_Good. Cause you know I've got yours, right_?"

"_Of course_."

"_Good_." The humming resumed. Crickets chirped in the trees behind them and a gentle breeze rustled through the trees.

"We are in position, my Lord." He heard Lucius mutter into the small clear sphere he had pulled out of his robes. The sphere became cloudy and slowly floated up from Lucius' black gloved hand and hovered in the air. Severus stared at it, one hand gripping Xira's mane and the other going to his side where he kept his wand. Even Bella had sat up and was staring at the sphere, eyes wide behind her mask with anticipation.

The fog within the sphere started swirling, and Lucius immediately put a hand down to his side.

"Wands," he hissed quietly and as one, they all pulled out their wands and held them out in front of them.

In a few more moments, the fog turned a bright green and exploded in a shower of green sparks.

Without really waiting for Lucius' yell to advance, Severus kicked Xira and all the Thestrals leapt into a gallop, pounding over the ground towards the small town. Lights were slowly turning on in some of the homes as dusk slowly slipped into darkness, making the cloud of black riders thundering over the ground look even more menacing.

Severus grit his teeth, at the sight of the lights. All of the muggles living in the town had been stunned and evacuated somewhere safe, this not being their war. The wizarding folk had been given the choice to stay or be evacuated, but most of them had demanded to stay and defend their home. Amongst the few sensible people who had decided to leave had been Melora Thomas and her young son, Dean Thomas.

The thundering of hooves echoed in his ears as he glanced up and saw other groups of Thestrals racing towards the town through the air, black wings beating the night air and green strands of fire flickering from their riders wands to light their way.

He glanced to his side and saw Bella beside him, her wand up high and shrieks of excitement ringing through his mind.

Tightening his grip on Xira's mane, he took a deep breath and swept into the town, his mind already consumed with curses, formations, shield types and trying not to lose sight of Bella.

XXXXXX

The thundering of hooves reached her ears and she let go of her mug of tea while her head whipped around.

"They're here." Alice Longbottom sat up in her chair and her eyes immediately flew to the window, fear in her eyes.

The headmaster nodded, standing before a silver cauldron in which a shimmery substance sat. A map was spread out before him. He carefully dabbed his wand tip into the silver goo and dripped a bit of it onto a specific corner of the map. Immediately, the silver substance in the bowl changed and hundreds of black clad riders could be seen galloping towards Burginham.

Lily came around the table to peer into the bowl. Her eyebrows furrowed. "Damn, there's a lot of them."

"No more than we were expecting, Mrs. Potter."

They watched as the riders spread out in predetermined patterns, racing down streets, the Thestrals hooves clattering over the old cobblestones. Shouts could be heard as the first curses were flung at some innocent bystander stupid enough not to be inside.

Lily dug her fingers into the table. As if sensing her impatience, the headmaster smiled faintly, eyes glued to the bowl.

"Wait, Mrs. Potter."

Finally, the headmaster nodded. "_Fawkes. Send the first and third flanks in_."

He felt the bird's presence receeding from his mind and knew two red feathers had suddenly appeared in Alastor Moody's and Amelia Bones' hands.

Albus took another drop of silver and dropped it onto two other places on the map. Immediately, the silver split into two parts, showing blue clad aurors and various other individuals all pulling out their wands at the hollered order of 'wands!' and standing ready.

Lily pounded the table impatiently. "Damn, I should be out there!"

Alice grabbed hold of her friend's hand and squeezed it. "They'll be fine, Lily. James is a good dueler, you know that."

"We're aurors, Alice! We should be out there fighting with them!"

"Right now, the only thing we should be doing is sitting here and staying safe so our children can live long enough to become a part of this world. Besides, it's not as if we're doing nothing. We helped bring the battle this far, but in our conditions, it's not our place to be outside."

Lily scowled, but put a hand over her stomach and grungingly agreed with her friend. Squeezing her hand back, they both went to watch the battle unfold in the silver cauldron on the table, both wishing they were out there, but knowing that they couldn't.

Beside, Lily rolled her eyes, James would have a heart attack if he caught sight of her outside.

XXXXXX

A jet of green light sizzled past him, nearly singing his hair in the process. Laughing out loud at the miss, Sirius threw a curse back at the black clad figure.

"Alright there, Padfoot?" a voice hollered over the noise.

"Dandy, Prongs!" he yelled back, ducking back behind the small wall him and James were using as cover.

Suddenly, the wall seemed to explode before them and chunks of mortar and bricks rained over their heads. James yanked Sirius to his feet and they both stumbled backwards, firing random curses over their shoulders.

Suddenly, James let out a shout of pain and nearly crumbled. Sirius tightened his hold on his best friend and stared at him with wide eyes. James grit his teeth from pain. "It's my leg. The bastard's busted my leg."

Sirius felt a surge of anger within him and he dropped James behind him and stood before him, shielding his body with his own.

"Is that the best you can do, you slimy bastard?" Sirius yelled. The black figure straightened and suddenly yanked his wand upwards, a jet of purple light flying at Sirius. He managed to throw up a shoddy shield which deflected most of it, but he was still pushed back against the wall from the force of the spell. Feeling winded, he raised his wand, trying to mutter the words for a spell.

Mad eyes glinted at him from behind the mask as the figure slowly walked towards him, the wand pointed at his heart. For a moment, Sirius went weak in the knees, knowing he was about to die.

Suddenly, he heard the roar of 'Stupefy!' and the death eater dropped to the ground in a heap. Moments later, the shape of his other best friend dropped from an open window above him, landing neatly on the ground.

"Are you alright, Sirius?"

"I'm fine," Sirius tried to wave it off as if it didn't matter. After all, he could have handled it. He would have been fine on his own too.

Remus stared him in the eyes and then nodded, turning to James. "Don't move, James. Your leg's broken."

"Broken or not, I'm not staying here. Help me the hell up." He gasped through clenched teeth. His two friends bent down to pick him up. Putting one of his arms over each of their shoulders, they slowly shuffled down the street, sweat and dust caking their faces as they kept their wands out, looking for any other enemies.

XXXXXX

The spell rebounded off his mark with a slight burn and Severus followed it by two other curses, knowing they would hit their marks. Not waiting for the responding curses, he levitated himself off Xira and spun himself through the air, feeling the spells miss him. Putting his hands out, he froze and sent off two quick hexes before flipping through the air and landing behind the aurors. He caught a quick glance of Bella on the other side of the aurors, her Thestral rearing up in the haze of spells and smoke. He felt guilty for a moment for having cursed people who were really on his side, but he knew it was a ridiculous notion. He was the enemy as far as they were all concerned and they wouldn't hesitate to kill them all. All he could do was try and keep the damage he inflicted to a minimum. He had convinced Bella to use the killing curse as little as possible so she wouldn't drain her energy. She had narrowed her eyes but grungingly agreed.

"_Ready, Bella? On the count of three_."

"_One. Two. Three_."

In unison, they sent their spells at the aurors, watching the three of them drop.

Immediately, Bella gave a scream of triumph and pointed her wand at the sky. "Morsmordre!" she cried. A stream of sparkling green stars erupted from her wand and formed the leering, glowing Dark Mark above the aurors unconscious bodies. She urged her Thestral forward, nearly trampling the aurors as she ran over to him and they yanked up their sleeves, watching their marks. "There," Bella yelled over the noise, jerking her chin towards an alleyway. "Two of them."

Nodding, Severus whistled for Xira and leapt onto her. Spinning around and tightening his grip in her mane, he urged her into a run and followed Bella, wand drawn out.

They raced down the alleyway, ducking curses and leaping over dumpsters and the crumpled black and blue clad forms lying motionless on the ground, sending curses streaming every which way.

The air was thick with smoke from burning buildings and screams of curses and pain, but Severus forced himself not to think about any of that. He concentrated on not getting hit and keeping an eye on his bondmate.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he vaguely hoped that the headmaster was somewhere safe and that Evans hadn't been stupid enough to venture out here in her condition.

XXXXXX

The door flew open with a bang and Peter nearly screamed, burying his face in his arms as if it would shield him from imminent death.

"Peter! Get your head out of your robes and get over here and help us with James!" Sirius yelled, feeling disgusted for a moment at the smaller man's cowardice.

"Leave him, alone, Sirius," Remus muttered quietly, giving Peter a gentle smile. Peter gave him a wobbly smile in return and hurried forward to help pull James over to a chair. Peter carefully examined his friend's leg. "It's not as bad as if looks. I know a few healing charms that should help."

Sirius rolled his eyes and scowled. "At least you're good for something." Going to the window, he carefully peered out, his face darkening when two jade green Dark Marks erupted in the sky above some buildings, marking some of the Death Eater's fresh kills.

Peter looked crestfallen for a moment but then Remus smiled encouragingly and stepped forward, asking quietly if there was anything he could do to help. Peter didn't appear to hear him for a moment, sad eyes glued to Sirius' back. Only after a moment did he bite his lip and carefully start peeling the blood soaked robe off James' leg.

XXXXXX

Gasping for breath, Fabian spun around as best as he could, screaming curses at the rapidly gaining black riders before running after his brother, who had turned down an adjacent street. As soon as Fabian leapt around the corner, Gideon sent a stream of hexes down the street before they were off again, running like hell. Thanks to some genius' at the ministry's magical research department, it wasn't possible to apparate and disapparate within the confines of the town now that the wards had been set up. It was a precaution, but now it might be the death of both of them.

Panting, they raced down the street, sending spells over their shoulder. They heard the occasional shout of pain as one of their curses hit their mark, but the riders continued bearing down on them, the Thestral's hooves thundering over the cobblestones.

The darkness slowly closed around them and Fabian groped in the darkness for his twin brother's hand so he wouldn't loose him.

Luck wasn't with them that night. They turned down one more street and realized too late that it was a dead end road. They tried blasting through the wall at the end and some of the houses, but soon realized that they had been enforced with wards.

Gasping for breath, they exchanged frightened glances before tightening their grip on each others hands.

"We can do this, right?"

"Damn straight. There's only five of them."

Eyes wildly staring at the nearing masked figures, they brought up their wands and exchanged one last look.

"I'm just damn glad Molly's not here."

"We'll make her proud, Gideon."

"So this is for our sis."

"Damn straight. And little Charlie, Billy and Percy."

Clenching their jaws and forcing their wands not to shake, they started hurling curses at the death eaters, who started firing right back.

Gideon kept conjuring up wards while Fabian kept firing curse after curse. The black riders kept closing in and ducking and deflecting the curses quickly and efficiently and Gideon knew their wards wouldn't hold out much longer, but first, they'd give these bastards a hell of a fight.

Unbeknowst to them, a strong, shimmering ward arose around them, shielding them from most of the curses much better than Gideon's wards.

Dolohov frowned as he saw the shimmering ward. His mind quickly searched for an explanation and then remembered that twin siblings had strong bonding magic, which, when invoked, protected them. However, it only worked as long as they were both joined and both alive.

"Break their connection!" Dolohov yelled over his shoulder, directing his curses towards the strongest part of the ward, knowing eventually it would break.

The Prewett brother's fought for half an hour until the pain in their crushed hands forced them to finally let go of each other. Immediately, the ward fizzled around them and the alleyway lit up as green light enveloped them, both twins dying in the same moment. The five Death Eaters gave a shout of triumph and Dolohov pointed his wand at the sky and cried out 'Morsmordre!' and the sparkling green Dark Mark erupted in the sky above the two fallen brothers bodies, hovering with a leering grin.

Molly Prewett Weasley would never know what extraordinary magic helped keep her brothers alive for as long as it did until many years later when it would be the sole reason her twin sons survived a death eater ambush, simply due to Fred's stubborn insistence not to leave his twin behind and not to let go of his hand.

XXXXXX

"Corposarum!" Severus hollered and the last auror they were chasing crumbled to the ground. Bella and him both pulled their Thestrals to a stop, trying to stay on despite their excited prancing around, eyes scanning their marks for more.

Severus frowned as his mark flared red when he scanned a nearby dumpster. Confused, he did it again.

"Bella, one of our own is behind the dumpster."

Her wide eyes stared at the dumpster and she pointed a wand at it. "It might be a trick!"

Urging Xira forward, Severus carefully went closer, his wand trained at it.

"Reveal yourself or I'll fire!" he said.

"Please! Severus! Don't fire! It's just me!" A familiar voice came to him. Severus gaped.

"Rosier! What the hell are you doing back there!"

Slowly, a shaking, black robed figure crawled out from behind the dumpster, one hand clutching his stomach. "I got hit with something. I can't really feel my legs and my insides all burn like crazy," he gasped out between clenched teeth. Blood soaked his robe and covered his hand, dripping onto the ground. "I can't fight worth a damn so I hid."

Bella's eyes swept over him and then dismissed him, studying her mark. "Sevvie, let's leave him. There are aurors coming this way."

Severus glared at her. "We're not leaving one of our own behind, Bella!"

"Master explicitly said to leave anybody who falls behind! Rosier's probably going to be dead before the end of it anyway! Come on! Let's go!" She spun her Thestral around, wand out and ready to keep going.

Severus grit his teeth and was about to snarl back that he wasn't leaving Evan here, when suddenly, he felt his mark tingling and knew without looking at it that the aurors were here.

He barely had time to spin Xira around when four aurors ran around the corner, curses streaming towards them. Yanking up his mark, he deflected two curses and started sending his own back.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Evan bravely point his wand at the aurors and a jet of blue fire streamed out of it and hit one of the aurors in the face, who howled in pain and clutched his face as he fell to the ground.

Evan looked amazed at his own aim and was about to fire something else when three killing curses all caught him in the chest. The force of the curses lifted him up and his entire body seemed to become enveloped in a bright green haze before he was thrown down the alleyway, where he landed on the ground, wide eyes staring up at the air, the amazement eternally frozen on his face.

Severus dumbly stared at Rosier's dead body before a curse sizzled past his nose and he forced himself to pay attention again. Hearing Bella's shout to get out of there, he yanked Xira around and galloped after Bella, sending curses flying over his shoulder, leaving Rosier behind.

XXXXXX

Burginham would go down in the history books as having been a victory for the dark side. It had been a close battle, but due to the fact that the death eaters had the advantage of greater numbers and better training and preparation for battle conditions, and possessing the advantage of speed which the Thestrals gave them along narrow streets where apparating had become impossible, the side of the light suffered a defeat. Severus knew deep down that another tactical advantage was the strict rule to leave all wounded behind, but he resented this rule and refused to think about it for long.

Both sides had suffered severe losses and wounds. Fifteen female aurors had been taken back to the manor as trophies to be played with and used to celebrate the dark side's victory. While going through their mangled, torn bodies five days later for useable potion parts, Severus swallowed the bile in his throat and thanked fate that Evans was pregnant and couldn't fight for the time being.

Twenty-seven year old Gideon and Fabian Prewett had been killed, gravely injuring Dolohov and Travers in the squirmish before finally being overcome by their five opponents. Wilkes had been killed by Alastor Moody a few minutes before Evan Rosier blasted a chunk out of the old auror's nose, badly injuring him, before succumbing to the three killing curses used to kill the wounded nineteen year old. James Potter's injuries were superficial and he recovered quickly, as did Frank Longbottom, Dedalus Diggle, Avery, Barty Crouch and Rudolphus Lestrange, who Bella had completely forgotten about until she returned to the manor. She tried to feign some interest and concern for her husband's injuries, but then couldn't be bothered and went to sit in Severus' chamber and watch him make healing potions.


	18. Chapter 18

Path of Shaded Light

Chapter 18

'The moth wants a star, the night wants tomorrow, the king wants what's far outside his sphere of sorrow.'

- Andromeda, 'Slipfighters: The Dogs of War'

May 17th, 1980

The Hog's Head Pub

Slowly he traced the rim of his beer glass, sighing. Travers despised being sent on these stupid little espionage assignments. They bored him to tears. Normally he wouldn't have to touch one of these stupid excursions, but all of the Dark Lord's espionage assistants were busy with other assignments and master had volunteered his time.

Master had become obsessed with having Dumbledore followed. He constantly wanted to know where the man was and when and what he was up to. Most of the time it was easy enough to find out. Master's little pet, Snape, was in charge of keeping master apprised of most of the headmaster's activities, but in cases like these when Snape was busy on another assignment, the task had been handed to him.

He took another sip of his beer and casually glanced at the door. Snape had reported to the Dark Lord that the headmaster intended to interview a new divinations professor at the pub that night. Traver snorted. Right. Like any respectable teacher would want to be interviewed in a sleazy dirty place like this. It was probably a business meeting of some shady nature which the headmaster didn't want anybody knowing about.

The door of the pub creaked open, and a lone figure crept in from the rainy darkness. She was wearing enormous glasses and her magnified eyes blinked owlishly around, before she clutched numerous filthy shawls around her with thin hands and shuffled towards the bar. Her robes were filthy and soaking and her hair was bedraggled and hung in dirty clumps around her face. She quietly asked the bartender something, who first loudly declared that working girls weren't tolerated in the pub, and then listened to her quiet response before laughing loudly and pointing at the stairs. Glancing over at the stairs, she quietly crept over, staring at everyone in the bar with wide eyes as if afraid they might attack her at any moment.

Yawning loudly, Travers watched her go and then held up another finger and ordered another beer when he saw that his current one was getting distressingly low. This was going to be a bloody long night if Dumbledore didn't show up soon.

Almost as soon as the thought was in his head, he heard the door swing open again, and the tall form of the headmaster stepped into the pub, taking his hat off and doing a quick drying spell on himself.

Travers glanced him over before ignoring him. He had no fear that the headmaster would recognize him. He'd been homeschooled in Scotland when he was a child and had never even been to Hogsmeade before tonight. Even so, the fool was making his mark burn unpleasantly. Rubbing it against the side of the table as discreetly as he could, Travers hid his grimace in his beer glass. No wonder master despised him.

The headmaster stopped at the bar to exchange a few words with the bartender, who jerked his chin upwards, indicating the rooms upstairs where the woman had disappeared.

Thanking him, Dumbledore slowly made his way to the stairs, smiling at the people who glanced his way and ignoring the glares he got in return.

Once he disappeared up them, Travers stretched slowly and made a big show of draining his glass and throwing a few coins onto the table. Grabbing his cloak, he scowled at the people looking at him and then walked out the door.

Immediately, he pulled his hood up, wanting to blend into the surroundings as much as possible and wanting to keep the bloody rain out of his face.

Skirting around the pub, he scanned the upper floor until he finally found a window where the light was on.

Glancing around, he saw nobody was looking and quickly levitated himself up onto the roof of the lower floor, crouching below the window. Grabbing onto the slippery shingles slick with rain, he glanced at the closed window.

Quietly whispering a charm, he leaned closer, clutching the bottom of the window and now able to hear the words being spoken on the other side of the window.

"—previous experience as a teacher?"

"Well, uhm, no, not exactly, headmaster, sir, but uhm, my, uhm grandmother was a teacher. I can only hope that, like the gift of Seeing, which has been passed onto me by my ancestors, the gift of teaching also has."

"Ah, I see. Do you have any references?"

"References?"

"Yes, uhm, people I could speak to about your character, about your past working experiences."

"Uhm, well, not precisely, sir—" A harsh cough from her interrupted her words before she could resume. "I've been unemployed for a while, sir."

"I understand. These are difficult times."

"All times are difficult when one possesses the Sight, headmaster. Even in times of light and happiness, those with the Sight see the darkness looming on the horizon."

"Yes, I'm sure it's a tremendous weight to bear."

"It is, sir, it is…" Her voice faded off and Travers frowned. If she was trying to impress Dumbledore than she had a long way to go.

Sighing, he mentally cursed Snape for having brought master this useless bit of information. Crouching in the darkness in the pouring rain listening to a filthy street grub trying to get hired was not the way he had planned to spend the evening.

He heard the headmaster sigh softly. "Well, Ms. Trelawney, I'm terribly sorry, but I just don't believe you have the qualifications necessary for this position."

"But my great-great-grandmother, headmaster—"

"I understand Cassandra was very gifted, and I am sure you are as well, Ms. Trelawney, but perhaps Hogwarts is just not the place for you. Perhaps there are other more suitable positions…"

A long silence. Then: "I understand. I'm sorry for having bothered you, headmaster."

"No, not at all, Ms. Trelawney. In fact, if there is anything I can do, just let me know. You are more than welcome to come and stay at the school for a while until you get back on your feet."

"Thank you, headmaster, but I shall manage on my own."

Travers heard the rustling of cloaks and sighed. Finally. "Alright then. Thank you for your time and—Ms.Trelawney? Are you alright? Sybill?"

Shaking the rain out of his face, Travers rolled his eyes, wondering if the dirty hag had died from shock or something. At least it would mean he could go back to the manor and then go home.

"Sybill? Do you need me to call—"

The rest of his words were drowned out by a raspy, echoing voice suddenly erupting from within the room, startling Travers so badly he nearly fell off the roof.

"_The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches…born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies…and_—"

"Hey! You there! What the devil do you think you're doing up there!"

Before Travers could comprehend what was happening, he felt himself being blasted off the roof and landed on the pavement below, pain shooting up his side as rain soaked whatever parts of him hadn't been wet before.

Glancing up, he saw one of the waiters from the Hog's Head glaring down at him, holding a lantern in one hand and his wand in the other.  
Snarling, Travers reached into his robes to pull out of his wand, but the waiter raised an eyebrow.

"Don't even think about it! Get out of here before I call the MLE! Spying on private meetings!"

Yanking his wand out, Travers spat out a curse and watched the waiter flying down the street and landing with a thump on the wet pavement, his lantern smashing on the ground a few feet away from him.

He glanced up at the window, where the light had gone out. It was only then that he had time to think over what he had just heard.

"_The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches…born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies._"

Bloody hell! Vanquish the Dark Lord! Eyes widening and having difficulty breathing, Travers pulled up his sleeve and quickly touched his mark, apparating as fast as possible.

Master had to be warned.

XXXXXX

Trying to walk as normally as possible, Dumbledore shut the door to the pub behind him, keeping a tight arm around the weak, still muttering form of Sybill Trelawney.

"It's alright, Sybill. I'll take you back to Hogwarts where you can get warmed up and have a bite to eat." He murmured to the woman, guiding her down the street. His thoughts raced as he mulled over what she had just said. It had been a prophecy, of that he was sure. Whether she remembered what she had said or not wasn't obvious, but it didn't matter at the moment. What did matter was that he could think of two little children off the top of his head who were to be born that July, and that he had a lot of thinking to do.

Besides, even if Sybill Trelawney was never going to teach anybody anything, he wasn't about to just cast her outside in the pouring rain, especially in her weakened condition.

Muttering reassurances to her, he peered through the rain at the distant outlines of Hogwarts, and thus nearly stumbled over the unconscious body lying on the ground.

Eyebrows furrowing, he quickly bent down and felt the man's pulse. Weak but still there. He recognized the man as the bartender's younger cousin, Eddie. "Enervate." He muttered at the still form.

The man moaned and it took a few moments for him to open his eyes and recognize his surroundings. "Are you alright, Eddie?"

"Headmaster?"

"Yes, Eddie. What happened?"

"Oh, just some nosy drunk getting a bit out of hand. I mean, what else was I supposed to do? Sam would have skinned me alive if I would have left him there on the ledge. Besides, it isn't exactly polite to be listening in on other people's conversations, especially yours."

A cold shudder of apprehension shot down his back. "What do you mean, Eddie?"

Groaning, Eddie allowed the headmaster to help him off the ground. "Well, I came out here to check for any rowdy gits hanging around who might cause trouble, and I spotted a bloke in a dark cloak crouching by the window where you and this woman here were meeting. So I blasted him off and start yelling at him, and the next thing I know, he's throwing me ten feet through the air. Then he lifts up his sleeve and touched something and disapparated, and then I passed out. Blimey, nobody's got manners anymore, headmaster."

Albus Dumbledore stared at Eddie, more thoughts running through his mind. A simple school business meeting had just turned into a problem. An enormous problem. One in which the future of the entire wizarding world lay in the balance.

May 20th, 1980

The Dark Manor

Dipping the silver pitcher into the cauldron, Severus carefully lifted it out and poured more of the lukewarm dragon's blood into the large bathtub.

Lord Voldemort sighed in quiet contentment.

"Is it warm enough, my Lord?" Severus asked quietly.

Another sigh. "Yes, it is." Red eyes stared at him with content bliss, that half mad smile on the pale face.

Bella was lounging on the large bed, lazily twisting strands of hair around her finger.

The Dark Lord turned his head and stared off at the far wall, contemplating something.

"This will not do, Severus. Not at all."

Severus paused, thinking he had meant the temperature of the dragon's blood.

"How dare she think they can oppose me in such a manner?"

At once, Severus understood. The prophecy. As soon as Travers had burst unannounced into master's chambers three nights ago, completely hysterical, the entire manor had been in a state of turmoil. Most were half terrified of what fate might befall their master and half furious, irrationally thinking that this had been planned by the ministry in some way. Or by the headmaster. Both were convenient targets when seeking to blame someone for something fate had decided.

The only one who hadn't gone hysterical was the Dark Lord himself. He had seemed shocked when first hearing it but then sat down and made Travers repeat himself for a good two hours while he thought. He had sunk into a deep silence, hardly reacting to anybody around him while his mind flew through endless mazes of precise logic and madness.

"Who is she, my Lord?"

"Fate, Severus. Fate herself. It is foolish to blame such an occurrence on the ministry or that muggle-loving fool. It was Fate who designed this. But rest assured, we will not allow her to win over us. We have worked too hard and we are finally starting to reap the rewards of our sacrifice and struggle. We will not be stopped now. _I_ will not be stopped now." Red eyes narrowed at the far wall.

Severus felt a mixture of relief and terror at the thought. He quickly pushed both of these thoughts aside.

Filling the pitcher once more, he held his hands to the side of it and muttered a warming charm until it was the right temperature and then slowly poured it into the bath.

"What can we do, my Lord?" 

A deep sigh escaped him. "We shall have to wrest things out of Fate's hands." Lifting a hand out of the red liquid, he studied his fingertips. Bella had stopped twirling her hair and sat up with interest, her eyes gleaming as brightly as the silver skulls on her collar.

Abruptly, he dropped his hand, the blood splashing out of the tub and landing in splotches on the smooth, black marble.

"We shall have to exterminate all those who pose a threat to me and our cause."

The pitcher dropped from Severus' hand, blood covering the floor at his feet.


	19. Chapter 19

Path of Shaded Light 

Chapter 19

Author's Note: Thank you so much for all the reviews! They always make my day! As promised, here are the next two chapters. I hope you enjoy the next parts (and the two not so unfamiliar faces which make a reappearance) and take the time to drop me a little line about what you liked (or didn't like).

'Relativity applies to physics, not ethics.'  
- Albert Einstein

May 23rd, 1980

Hogwarts School

"I should have come sooner, headmaster, but he has been extremely busy plotting and muttering to himself. I thought it best to gather as much information as I could."

Dumbledore nodded, frowning at his desk, eyes filled with dread which he struggled to hide.

"What does he know of the prophecy?"

Severus didn't even have to think it over, the words having been muttered over and over by his master over the past few days. "The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches…born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies."

He struggled to hide a yawn. He was utterly exhausted. The masters and Bella and him had been listening to master's mutterings and long, drawn out silences for days as he sat in his chair, stroking Bella and his hair as he stared at the far walls, his most devoted servants lying at his feet, waiting for him to acknowledge their presence. He hadn't.

Albus' eyes quickly jerked up to Severus'. When he saw that he wasn't continuing, Albus felt the first stirrings of relief in days. Tom didn't know the prophecy in its entirety. He was threatened by this unborn savior, but not as threatened as he should be. This would ultimately lead to overconfidence on his part. Hopefully, it would end up aiding their side somewhat.

Severus frowned as he studied the headmaster's reaction. His eyes widened. "There is more, isn't there, headmaster? Travers didn't hear the whole thing."

Albus sighed softly and nodded. "You and I both know I can't tell you—"

Severus held up a swift hand. "No, of course not. It would be an enormous security risk. Besides, knowing this portion of it has caused me enough anxiety. I despise it, but it's there."

The old man nodded, understanding. The conflicting emotions of love and hate were still constantly in battle in Severus' mind, both stronger than the other.

"So Tom is planning to kill his way to defying Fate?"

Severus nodded, jaw clenched. "I have tried to convince him to wait until we know exactly which wizarding family has defied him three times and will give birth to a son in July, but he won't listen. He already has Lucius and his other recruitment assistants digging up hospital records and looking for any mention of wizarding families who have a pregnant female who is due to give birth in July."

"Is he ignoring the muggle-borns?"

"He doesn't seem to care about any part of the prophecy except for the part which mentions that the child will be born in July. He wants all of them found and killed; muggles, witches, squibs, everybody. Even the female Death Eaters who are due to give birth in July are expected to sacrifice their children to protect him. I've tried to reason with him but he won't listen."

The headmaster sighed. "This will turn ugly, Severus. Very ugly."

Fear crept up Severus' spine. "I will do everything I can to gain access to Lucius' records and to relay them to you. Hiding everybody should be easy enough."

"Tom will not rest until he has seen all of their bodies—especially those of their unborn children—with his own eyes, Severus."

The fear was making it harder for him to breathe. "Then we shall make him chase them until he gets weary of this."

"Hiding everybody is not as easy as it seems, Severus. There are hundreds of witches—never mind thousands of women—expecting to give birth to sons in July of this year—"

Clenching his jaw, his eyes sparked, knowing exactly why the headmaster was being so doubtful. "If she will not go into hiding, then stun her and drag her into a hole somewhere! Her damn Gryffindor stubbornness will get her killed!" He spat, smacking the table with his hand.

A long silence followed this. Severus immediately regretted his outburst and reigned his emotions back in. He would be useless if he fell apart like this, Salazar Slytherin's voice hissed in his head. Or at least, he had come to think of it as Salazar's voice. His hand crept up to feel the heavy medallion hanging around his neck. He had to remain calm and start planning. Getting hysterical wouldn't solve anything.

"I have already discussed the matter with Mrs. Potter and others, such as Mrs. Longbottom, who I know are due to give birth in July. It took a bit of wrangling, but I managed to convince them that they need to go somewhere safe for the time being. Preparations are already being made. My own sources were put into action as soon as Fawkes relayed your message to me, and they are also going through hospital records. We are working as fast as we can."

Severus frowned. "So we merely sit back and see who can find them the fastest?"

The headmaster sighed. "There is nothing else we can do, Severus. None of us can stop him. All that we can do is try to keep the damage to a minimum."

Severus' frown deepend. "_Severus, Albus is right. What else can we possibly due, short of stunning Death Eaters when they find somebody? We'd be dead in two minutes flat, and then the massacre would continue_."

Glancing up at the red phoenix, who was patiently sitting there, staring at them with weary eyes and listening to their conversation, Severus narrowed his eyes.

"I despise this!" He snarled.

"We all do, Severus. But this is all we can do. Please do not put your life in unnecessary risk. Try and slow him down if you can, but rest assured that we are working as fast as we can. All you can do is try to give us a headstart and to keep trying to convince Tom that this is a foolish endeavor."

Nodding, Severus was still deep in thought. He wouldn't allow hundreds of innocent people to get murdered simply for being pregnant.

Standing up, he glanced at Fawkes, who flew through the air and landed on his arm.

"Very well, headmaster. I will do my best. Fawkes will contact you as soon as there is any news."

"Good. And, be careful, child."

Severus gave him a curt nod. "As long as you make sure she is safe."

"I promise you, Severus. I will take care of her."

Trying to keep the worry for his best friend out of his eyes, he spun around and swept through the door, mind already furiously working.

XXXXXX

The Dark Lord rounded on him, eyes narrowing with anger. "How could he have possibly known that we would be going after them!"

Severus tried to remain calm, fear creeping up his spine. He ignored Nagini's suspicious eyes digging into him, nearly looking as accusatory as her master. "He must have started to make preparations as soon as he discovered that Travers had heard the prophecy, my Lord. There was nothing I could--"

"Crucio!"

The rest of his words were lost as pain overwhelmed him and he felt his face smash into the marble floor. Muffled screams tried to tear past his tightly clenched jaws and he squeezed his eyes shut, praying it would be over soon.

Suddenly, the curse was lifted and for a long moment, the only sound drifting through the dark room was Severus' gasps for air as he lay there, his body violently trembling with residual pain.

"Why did you not manage to convince the old fool that I am disregarding the prophecy and that he should not waste his time trying to safeguard any of those hags!" Lord Voldemort snarled down at him, lifting his wand again.

"My Lord, I--"

"Crucio!"

The pain pierced through his skin and tore along his nerves. He must surely be bursting into flames by now--then it was over again.

"Or, perhaps you are lying to me, Severus? Perhaps it was you who encouraged the old fool in this endeavor?" The Dark Lord's voice had become a quiet, deadly whisper.

Severus dared to lift his head up and stare up at his master, his body trembling from pain.

"I would never lie to you, my Lord! Never! I would never betray you like that." He cried, forcing terrified sobs into his words, which were only half faked. He stared up into those red eyes, quickly clearing his mind should his master decide to check if he really was lying or not. The words still stung on his tongue after he had uttered them, knowing what a lie they really were. He started shaking again, terrified that his master would finally see through his lies and betrayal.

The Dark Lord stared at him for a long moment, eyes narrowed and angry while Severus felt tears running down his face, his eyes wide and pleading.

"Legilimens!"

It felt as though two knives had been plunged into his eyes and into his head. Severus felt his head snap back from the force of the spell but he couldn't break the connection. He stared into those red, glowing eyes, pain digging into his head as his master ruthlessly started tearing through his memories, ravaging everything in his path.

Clenching his jaw, Severus forced himself to take a deep breath, ignoring the pain. He had to concentrate, damn it! Slowly, he pushed himself back from his master's searing probe, distancing himself from that hurling spike of fire until he could breathe a little easier. Immediately, he conjured up images of him quietly telling the headmaster that the prophecy was of no importance and that protecting any potential mother's was a waste of time. He concentrated so hard on the image, that for a moment, he actually believed that this was what had happened.

He felt the burning probe tearing its way through his mind until it latched onto it. Pushing everything else aside, Severus felt himself starting to faint from the pain throbbing in his head, but he ignored it. Just a little longer. Just a little longer.

Finally, he felt the piercing knives being torn out of his mind. His body lurched forward and a scream tore from his throat at the violent retreat before his entire world started to fade and those glowing, red eyes turned dark.

XXXXXX

His head was burning. He tried moving his eyes behind his closed eyelids and a surge of pain flared up within his skull. He let out a tiny, barely audible groan.

"Young master?"

He felt a cool cloth saturated with healing herbs being pressed to his forehead, but he hissed as soon as it made contact, the burning just intensifying. Immediately, the cloth was taken away.

"Cloth not good? Oh, young master. Gorgy not knowing how to fix this. Headache remedy not good for actual mind being in pieces."

His voice boomed in his head and Severus winced, clenching his eyes shut even tighter. His elf's voice was slightly echoing and Severus was momentarily confused as to why his elf was speaking to him since he had a shift in the infirmary and wouldn't be down until later. But wait--a stab of pain nearly took his breath away--there was no infirmary here. Father had never cared about treating his injuries, never mind making an infirmary.

"It alright, young master. Mind a little confused now. Just rest. Gorgy be reading a bit about legilimency and seeing what he do."

Legilimency? Yes, he knew what that was. He did, didn't he? Was it something Evans had discussed with him? Perhaps not. What time was it? He had promised to meet her and go for a ride on Xira and Elixa at midnight. Elixa. The name sounded familiar. It must be an elf's name. Yes, that's right. An elf in the dark manor. The one who working in the kitchen and who had her finger shrunken.

Another moan echoed through his head as his mind throbbed in agony, fragments of torn memories drifting hazily around, drowning him in a whirlpool of confusion and pain.

XXXXXX

"Young master? Must try to wake up now, please. Need to eat."

His head didn't feel like it was burning anymore. He could feel a dull, throbbing headache, but he was used to such headaches. Slowly, he opened his eyes, relieved to find his chambers bathed in a dim glow.

"Young master remembering things better now?"

Severus frowned as he slowly sat up, clutching his elf's hands for support. "Master used legilimency on me. He was upset about the headmaster protecting the mothers."

The old elf looked visibly relieved that his young master's memory hadn't been permanently damaged. He had tried reading up on legilimency in the hours that his young master slipped in and out of pained consciousness, but the only helpful spell he found was something which resembled legilimency and used healing powers at the same time to mend and reorganize memory fragments which had been damaged, and thus, relieving some of the pain. But the power for such a spell was well beyond Gorgon's magical capabilities so he had sat at his young charge's bedside, worried sick that he would be left brain damaged. This wasn't the first time the Dark Lord had used legilimency on Severus, but this had been the most brutal probe yet.

Groaning, Severus rubbed his forehead. "_Severus? Are you_--" His mind flared up, feeling as if it would explode. White light flashed before his eyes.

"Bird! Please! Be quiet!" Severus madly hissed at the phoenix in his head, who mercifully went silent. He made sure his bond with Bella was closed as well, not thinking his head could take anymore invasions at the moment.

"Is young master hungry?"

"How long was I out for, Gorgon?"

"About ten hours."

His eyes flew open. "Ten hours!" He pushed himself up, trying not to fall over as the world violently tilted. "Elf, we have no time to eat! Do you have any idea how many things we have to do and how precious little time we have to accomplish it?"

His elf's eyes hardened. "Alright. We plan, but we also eat at same time."

"Elf--"

"If we's starving then we's not doing anybody any good and all planning is garbage."

Sighing, Severus opened his mouth to start arguing with him again, but then thought better of it and nodded. "Alright, go down and grab something from the kitchen and then come back up here. We have a lot to do."

May 30th, 1980

Malfoy Manor

The firewhisky burned as it made its way down his throat but he ignored it, nodding his head and alternating smiling and frowning at whatever Lucius was saying.

"—you agree?"

The question startled him and he raised an eyebrow and frowned, leaning forward slightly, pretending not to have heard.

"I beg your pardon, Lucius?"

"_Bird, what the hell was he blabbering on about_?"

"_Something about it being a shame that Millicent Bagnold became minister_."

"_Why is that a bad thing_?"

"_Because she's a muggle-born_._ Honestly Severus, thank Merlin that at least one of us is paying attention here_!"

Oh. Now he understood Lucius' ranting.

"I asked whether you agreed what a horrendous insult this is to our people."

Severus swirled the firewhisky around in his glass. Our people? What a laugh.

He forced his eyes to harden. "Of course it is, Lucius. It is utterly derogatory. Is there nothing that can be done?"

Lucius poured himself another glass and sighed. "I'm afraid not. Although I have considerable influence in the ministry, our own candidates were unsuccessful in swaying the opinions of the public."

"_Only because people aren't stupid enough to listen to Rookwood's rambling and desire four years of it_." Severus quickly swallowed a smirk. "_Bird, be quiet_."

"_What? I'm right, aren't I? Rookwood is a nasty enough bloke to have as a dueling opponent, never mind as minister_."

Severus ignored the phoenix's ramblings, focusing instead on looking angry and upset at the thought of a muggle-born minister. Personally, he thought Millicent Bagnold was a tough, smart woman who would make a good minister. He was just glad that Barty Crouch's father hadn't become minister. "_I couldn't agree more. The man would try passing a bill which allows the public to attack anybody they deem as suspicious and lock them away in a broom closet for their own protection_. _Or maybe bring back public beheadings for magical creatures who even sniff the wrong way at a wizard._" The very thought seemed to upset Fawkes so badly that Severus felt the red vial vibrating in his robes but thankfully it was safely tucked away from curious eyes.

Severus went back to pretending to look thoughtful as he listened to Malfoy reel through long lists of contacts he had within the ministry and how long it would take to convince them of Bagnold's incompetence. Severus hoped it wouldn't be for a long time.

"Personally I don't see why you are so concerned at the moment. We have much more pressing matters to attend to."

Lucius sighed. "You understand nothing about politics, Severus. One must plant the seeds of manipulation early in order to create large enough grounds for reaping successful deception!"

Severus swallowed another smirk, thinking that Lucius had no idea how well Severus had learned this in the past months. In fact, the person he manipulated more than anybody else—except for master—was sitting right in front of him. Severus was planting his seeds as they sat there, with Lucius being none the wiser.

Nodding and frowning with understanding, Severus allowed the older man to fill his glass back up. "Of course. I assume that steps are already being taken?" He asked, fishing for information.

"Nothing too grand. For now, it's enough if we constantly and delicately remind everybody what Bagnold _is_." He said the word with such tone of disgust that one would assume the firewhisky tasted terribly. "When she starts to make foolish blunders, it should cement the belief that it is due to her incompetence purely due to her ancestry. Really, it's not her fault. She just has no business to try and be minister."

Severus sighed sadly. "Unfortunately, intelligence isn't something mudbloods have in abundance."

"I couldn't agree more, Severus." He put his glass down. "Let's change the subject. How is the Dark Lord?"

Severus raised an eyebrow. "As well as can be expected, given the current circumstances." He spat, feigning anger at Lucius' ignorance.

Lucius looked apologetic. "Of course, of course. My apologies." He muttered in a voice that plainly expressed that he wasn't sorry at all and didn't see it fit for him to be apologizing to Severus for anything.

"Does he—I mean, he is aware of the tremendous effort I have put into finding any potential dangers, is he not?"

"He wouldn't expect anything less, Lucius." Severus stated flatly.

"Of course, of course. We are nearly finished locating the closest targets. Once that is complete, we will be ready to launch our attacks."

Severus narrowed his eyes slightly. "I don't believe it is either of our place to state when we shall be ready to proceed with the Dark Lord's plans."

Lucius looked nervous for a moment before his face became impassive again. "Of course not. Again, my apologies."

"_Severus, quit toying with the man! You're going to irritate him_!"

"_Bird, let me have my fun. Besides, we need to waste a bit more time until he's due at the ministry for his meeting_."

"_Alright, just be careful. This Slytherin bantering of words is giving me a headache_."

Lucius and Severus continued chatting about various things, Lucius constantly behaving as though Severus were a stupid child who hung on his every word, and Severus occasionally bringing that attitude to a grinding halt whenever he delicately stressed his status within the Dark Lord's ranks. It was enormously entertaining.

Finally, Lucius stood up and with a lot of phoney sounding apologies, he excused himself and told Severus to stay as long as he liked as long as he didn't mind Narcissa's whining.

"Pregnancy," Lucius rolled his eyes to the ceiling and sighed as if he was the one pregnant. "It turns women into bigger whiners than they already are. Really, I wouldn't bother with her at all if she weren't carrying my heir. But these sacrifices must be made."

Severus clucked in mock sympathy and watched as Lucius strode out of the manor, twirling his cloak around his shoulders and holding his silver topped walking cane.


	20. Chapter 20

Path of Shaded Light

Chapter 20

'A real hero is someone who does the right thing when no one is looking.'

- Anonymous

Once the door shut, Severus immediately whirled around, needing to find Narcissa's whereabouts.

He considered asking one of the house elves, but he didn't want them to tell their mistress that he had been looking for her and make her suspicious of his intentions when he clearly wasn't coming to find her upon finding out where she was.

He also couldn't start marching around the manor, peeking into rooms without seeming suspicious.

Turning to face a large mirror in the front foyer, he played around with an old vase sitting on a forest green marble topped table beneath it.

"_Bird? Can you go and find out where Narcissa is_?"

"_What? You expect me to go crawling around here_—"

"_Yes, and the sooner you do it the sooner this is over with and we can go home, so get on with it already. But do get on with it quietly. I don't need everybody in this entire neighborhood coming over here demanding to know if something exploded_."

Glancing around himself, he saw that he was alone and he pulled the small red vial out of his pockets. Shielding it from view, he listened to Fawkes' grumblings about insane plans fading from his head before the vial lit up and gave a tiny pop and a miniature version of Fawkes sat in the palm of his hands, barely larger than his thumbnail. But Fawkes' size didn't mask the glare he was giving Severus.

Leaning over and pretending to be absorbed in the markings on the vase, he gave Fawkes a little throw and watched out of the corner of his eye as the phoenix zoomed through the air and disappeared along the upstairs corridor.

Turning around, he walked into the library, riffling through the books on the shelves and impatiently waiting for Fawkes to return. He frowned as he glanced over the shelves, disgusted with Lucius' organizational skills. He had all of Ratterny's 'Dark Counters for Dark Curses Through the Ages' volumes but they were all out of order.

He was just about to pull them out and put them in the right order when he felt a small presence landing on his shoulder and turning back into a vial.

Grabbing it before it slid off his shoulder, he stuffed it into his robe.

"_Well_?"

"_She's sleeping upstairs in her room. I checked the elves as well. Most of them are down in the kitchen, but one is in Narcissa's room and another is polishing silver in the diningroom_."

Nodding, Severus spun around and quickly started walking towards the stairs leading to the lower floor where the kitchen and Lucius' little office were.

He crept past the noisy kitchen in which the clang of pots and pans being moved about and the quiet curses and mutterings of elves could be heard. Edging past the wall, he held out his arm and watched his mark carefully. Finally, he felt it flare up with joy at the pulsing of dark magic protecting the room and the skull's eyes flared up in a fiery red.

"_Alright bird, you know what to do_."

"_I'm going, I'm going_." The phoenix started to trill loudly and Severus felt his presence expand within his mind. He had time to glance around the empty corridor one last time to ensure that they had not been seen before he felt himself being yanked through the wall.

The trilling abruptly stopped as Severus nearly fell over and just managed to grab onto Lucius' desk.

Not wasting any time, Severus rounded the desk and started pulling open the drawers, looking for any parchment that appeared to have female names on them.

As he worked, he listened to the quiet ticking of the hundreds of small watches floating around the room and attached to the walls, noticing that the bin the corner which had the discarded watches hadn't grown much fuller but the wall was slightly emptier. Severus hoped that this was due to his regular coming here and copying down names of potential recruits and handing them off to Evans, and not simply because Lucius had been forced to decrease his recruitment efforts and focus on finding the women who could fit the prophecy.

Finally, he saw a parchment which not only held a long list of women's names but also had their addresses and exact due dates. He quickly skimmed it over, searching for a Lily Evans and feeling his knees go weak when he didn't.

Then he froze, having read further down the page. Lily Potter.

His breath caught and fear flooded him. Slowly, he lowered the parchment. His first intent had been to merely copy the names and give the list to Dumbledore, like the headmaster had said, but there was no way he was going to leave his best friend's name on a ruthless assassin's list.

"_Severus, you can't possibly be thinking_—"

"_Be quiet. I'm not leaving her name on the list_."

"_Lucius is at the ministry nearly everyday! He knows Lily's pregnant_!"

"_Evans has been in hiding for days already, bird! For all Lucius knows, she could have given birth already. Besides, she's a muggleborn. Surely Lucius can't have spent any time with her. Besides, Evans hates his guts and wouldn't go anywhere near him if she can help it. But that is all beside the point! I'm not leaving this list in Lucius' hands. You and I both know he's going to bring it to master and we'll be sent on raids in a few days_."

"_Severus, think of the risk! If Lucius comes back and finds the list gone_—"

Severus chuckled. "_Gone? Do you take me for a complete fool, Fawkes? It won't be gone. It'll simply be changed_."

Quickly making a copy of the parchment, he transfigured the copy into an empty vial and stuck it into his robes. Taking the original, he put it down on the desk. Bending over, he peered underneath the desk onto the floor, looking for something.

"_What on earth are you doing_?"

"_I'm looking for one of Lucius' hairs_."

"_Hairs? What on earth for? Can we please get out of here? Lucius could be back any minute_."

"_No he won't and you know—there is one_!" Smirking in triumph, he leaned over and gently picked up the short blond hair. Holding in between his fingertips, he grabbed the quill lying on the desk and held them together, muttering a fusing charm at them.

Feeling the quill getting warmer, he waited until the charm had taken complete effect.

Then he bent over the parchment, frowning in concentration as he whispered intense erasing spells and using his pinky finger to gently dab at the parchment, erasing entire names or just some letters and changing the numbers in the addresses. After he had made a space, he used the quill—which now wrote in Lucius' script—to forge in a new portion.

It took a good twenty minutes, during which Severus bent over the parchment with a deep frown, carefully and delicately erasing and changing some of the names. He didn't dare change all of them, but he knew that Lucius would suspect that somebody had tampered with them if they were all false. He also knew that master would be furious to find that Lucius' information had been faulty, but he would explain it away by saying that the headmaster must have planted the evidence before hand. And—Severus smirked to himself—the best part was that master would blame the mistakes on Lucius and would undoubtly punish him.

Finally, he was finished. Lily Perkins still lived at her old residence—which was empty now that the Potters had gone into hiding, and Alexandra Longthumb resided in a street which Severus remembered hearing was somewhere in Manchester, far away from where the Longbottoms currently lived in London. He hoped that the headmaster would be—if not already had—them all in hiding, but if not, then he had bought them more time.

Shoving the parchment back into the desk, he unspelled the quill and put everything back exactly where it was. Standing up, he made sure nothing looked disturbed.

He took a moment to glance around the room, and then decided to copy down any new potential's names while he was here. They weren't priority at the moment, but one never knew when master would abandon this new crazy endeavor of his and go back to his old plotting.

Finished, he nodded once. "_Alright, bird. Let's go_."

XXXXX

Jogging up the stairs, his mind was already busy trying to decide whether to go to the headmaster right away and risk having master asking questions about his whereabouts or waiting until morning when he had been given permission by Dolohov to go and buy some things in Knockturn Alley.

He rounded the corner, his head slightly hurting from having squinted at the parchment for so long. This was how he missed seeing a small elf apparating at his feet and he nearly fell over it.

"Damn it!" He cried, arms flaying as he struggled not to fall onto the small creature and crush it.

The elf looked frightened as he stared up at Severus. "Dobby so sorry, Master Severus! Not wanting to anger—"

Severus sighed. "It's alright, Dobby. Don't worry about it."

The elf stared at him with wide eyes before madly running towards the nearest wall to smash his head against it. Severus shot a strand of magic after him and pulled the elf back towards him. He had never been able to stomach watching elves mutilating and hurting themselves after displeasing their masters. He had always felt revolted at the ingrained behavior, but even more so after having barely restrained himself on numerous occasions from doing the same thing after having bad thoughts concerning master.

"Dobby, I am not your master. There is need to punish yourself."

Dobby stared at him with wide eyes and seemed to be waiting for him to cruelly laugh it off and send him hurling into the wall. Severus sighed again. Ingrained instincts. That he could understand and relate to.

"What is it, Dobby? I don't have all day." He murmured in Elfish, hoping the familiar language would calm the elf. It did. Dobby's eyes flitted around to make sure they weren't being overheard and then gave him a small smile.

"Mistress Narcissa wants to see Master Severus before he leaves." Dobby whispered back in Elfish.

Severus sighed. What on earth could Narcissa want? Giving the elf a curt nod, he turned and jogged up the stairs and strode along the corridor to Narcissa's bedroom.

He knocked on the door and heard a frail voice telling him to enter. He pushed open the door.

The room was saturated with the scent of healing herbs and soothing incense. Narcissa sat in a chair by her vanity, wrapped in a thick woolen cloak and a shawl draped around her throat and shoulders.

Potion flasks and bottles littered the surface of the table. Her blond hair was piled on her head but whisps of it hung around her pale face.

She turned to face Severus, grimacing from the movement and a hand going to her enormous stomach.

"Good afternoon, Severus," she said, her eyes looking dull and tired.

Severus gave her a polite nod. "Narcissa. Is there something you need? More skin revitalization potion?"

She waved a limp hand. "No, no. I have some left." She frowned slightly and glanced into the mirror, a hand going up to her cheek to make sure it was still as white and smooth as it had been ten years ago.

Severus pushed down the urge to roll his eyes at her. Vain as anything and puttering around in her room looking like she was on death's doorstep. To look at Narcissa, one would assume that pregnancy was a terribly painful, terminal illness. It really was funny. The proud pureblood witch wallowed in exaggerated pain and misery, and the down to earth muggle-born witch ran around plotting battles and having to be physically restrained by her husband to keep her away from the front lines, belly and all.

Narcissa turned away from the mirror and stared at him, her eyes wide. The dullness had receeded and she seemed to look scared. Severus frowned.

"Narcissa, I can floo Lucius at the ministry for you—"

"No!" She cried out in a panic, before quickly clapping her hand over her mouth and staring at the door fearfully. "No. Lucius must never know we had this conversation."

"What on earth are you talking about? What could you possibly need that would make Lucius angry?"

She bit her lip as she stared down at the smooth surface of her vanity, tracing it with a pale finger. The silence stretched out between them for a long time and Severus was about to throw up his hands and leave her and her whining behind, when she spoke, her voice a frail whisper.

"I'm due to give birth on July 20th."

Severus froze. His eyes darted down to her stomach and then back to her face.

"You're certain?"

She nodded. "A healer came by two weeks ago and confirmed it."

Severus' mind was already furiously working through things. "Does Lucius know?"

She shook her head. "No. He has little interest for such matters."

"Does master know?"

Her hand instinctively went to her left forearm and covered the place where her mark was, as if the Dark Lord could hear their conversation through it.

"No. I have told no one."

"Lucius is no fool, Narcissa. He has spent days tearing through hospital and ministry records looking for pregnant witches who are due to give birth in July. He is bound to notice that his own wife is getting close to her due date as well."

Her jaw clenched with fear. She jerked her head and stared at Severus, eyes wide. "Do you not think I know that?" she hissed. "As soon as he finds out when I'm due, he will drag me before the Dark Lord and personally plunge a knife into my belly, convinced that I am willing to sacrifice my little boy for the cause."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you?" He knew the answer but wanted to see her squirm a bit.

She lowered her eyes and clenched her hands together. "You know I would do anything for the cause. Anything for master. But—I can't. Not this. If it would be my life that he wanted, I would give it to him, but I don't want to sacrifice my boy. Especially for nothing. Nobody could possibly think that a Malfoy would want to vanquish master."

Severus had to admit she had a point. It would be a damn ironic twist of Fate to make one of the most prominent dark families create the savior for the light.

"What do you propose we do, Narcissa?"

She jerked her eyes up, a heat filling them and for a moment, Severus was struck by the fact that Narcissa really was Bella's older sister. It was one of the few moments in the years of knowing both women that he could see similarities which normally were non-existant.

"You must help me, Severus."

"How? If you wish to hide—"

"No. I can't hide. I won't. We must take care of this problem as soon as possible."

Severus frowned, confused. "I'm not following you, Narcissa."

She stared at him, her eyes suddenly hard and determined. "If I give birth in June then nobody will think anything of it."

Silence greeted this. Severus momentarily felt too stunned to say anything. Finally, he found his voice.

"You want me to help you induce labor early and help deliver your child a month early?"

She nodded firmly.

"Narcissa, I am no doctor. I know nothing about delivering babies, never mind premature ones and making sure they survive. All I do know is that if they are born earlier than is planned, they need extensive care to survive. I know nothing about such things."

She gave him a small smile. "But you're brilliant, Severus. I know you are. And Bella always says you figure everything out. I'm sure you could find a way to do this."

"_I think she's gone insane, Severus_."

"_Bird, be quiet_!"

Severus took a step closer to her, glancing at the door behind him and praying that Lucius didn't decide to walk in right at that moment and kept his voice to a low, harsh whisper. "What if Lucius ever found out? He would be furious. Not only because I would be helping you put his heir's life and your life in danger, but because we both went against the Dark Lord's wishes and we all would have hell to pay if anybody ever found out."

Narcissa clenched her jaw, looking frightened again but managing to stay calm. "He will never know, Severus. He would have no idea that my child was born earlier than he was supposed to. And neither will the Dark Lord. As for putting my life on the line, I would do it in a heartbeat if it saves my child. And as for my child's life, I trust you."

He stared at her. "You trust me? I have no idea how to go about this, Narcissa!" He turned and made to pace around the room, a hand going up to run through his hair, when Narcissa grabbed his arm.

"Please!" she begged, tears filling her eyes. "Please help me, Severus. You're the only one who can!" She whispered, sobs filling her voice.

He stared at her imploring eyes. He opened his mouth to tell her exactly what he thought of this crazy plan and how dangerous it was, but the words disappeared when he saw the way she was looking at him. He knew that if he didn't help her, her unborn child would die in the name of a deluded cause in which everything had always been so terribly wrong. He bit his lip. He couldn't stand by and watch another innocent life being torn apart, especially one which hadn't even had a chance to start one yet.

"Alright. Alright I'll do it. I'll help you."

She let out a relieved sob and clutched his hand and pressed it to her tear-streaked cheek. "Thank you. Thank you, Severus. You have no idea how much this means to me."

Sighing, he gently pulled his hand from her grasp and stared at her. "I'll get to work right away and start trying to figure out how we're going to go about this. I'll contact you when I've figured it out."

Nodding, she whispered another thank you, tears streaming down her face as her other hand gently caressed her stomach.

Turning, he swept out of the room, thundering down the stairs and heading to the front door.

"_I can't believe we're actually doing this! I mean, how on earth do we get into these crazy situations_?"

Severus sighed. "_I really don't know, bird. But that's beside the point. Do you think the Dark Lord has any useful anatomy books in his library_?"

"_Well, there are tons with useful disemboweling diagrams and such things_." Fawkes sounded utterly revolted.

Severus grit his teeth and refrained from rolling his eyes. "_Oh, yes, those are going to be enormously helpful_."


	21. Chapter 21

Path of Shaded Light

Chapter 21

Author's Note: Thank you so much for all the awesome reviews, both for 'Shaded Light' and 'Glittering Darkness'! You all make writing so much easier! I hope you enjoy the next chapter. Once again, we encounter some familiar faces, even if we're the only ones around here who notice the irony. You'll see what I mean. Have fun reading and I eagerly await to hear what you thought!

'For Mercy has a human heart,

Pity a human face,

And Love, the human form divine,

And Peace, the human dress.'

- William Blake

June 5th, 1980

Malfoy Manor

Taking a deep breath, Severus knocked on the bedroom door. Hearing her quiet 'come in', he pushed the door open and let his elf walk through, arms laden with books and then followed him, carefully carrying a full vial.

Narcissa's eyes sparked with hope and fear when she saw him. "You've found a way?" she whispered, her eyes darting to the door and her hands going up to grasp her thick shawl.

He gave her a nod, quietly putting up a silencing charm around the room. Lucius was at the dark manor and wasn't expected to be back for hours, but it was better to be safe.

She bit her lip and stared at him. He gave her a hard look. "If you don't want to go through with this, speak now because once you drink the potion, there's no going back." He didn't care if he was being rude and snarky. Gorgon and him had stayed up for days feverishly working on this potion and had finally succeeded after more failures than he cared to count.

That glimmer of determination sparked in her pale eyes. "I'll do it." She was silent for a moment while she turned and stared into her mirror. "Will it hurt?"

Severus carefully set the vial onto the vanity and Gorgon put the books onto her bed. "I've added a pain-numbing potion to the mixture, but labor isn't going to be painless, Narcissa. There's a reason some women only do it once and vow never to repeat the experience."

He saw her pale at his words and nearly rolled his eyes. He'd sat by Bella's side during countless abortions during which her insides literally tore themselves to pieces and she had remained silent through the entire ordeal, and here was her sister, terrified of a few contractions.

"Isn't there—isn't there something I can take to numb everything…down there?" she asked quietly, not looking at him, clearly uncomfortable talking about things which Severus knew were never discussed in old pureblood families. A fact which had always irritated him.

He sighed, having expected the question. "Yes, but having all of your reproductive organs numb will make it exceptionally difficult to give birth, Narcissa. It might take you days."

Her eyes widened. "Days?" She forgot her momentary embarrassment and stared at him.

"I can't suffer for days!"

"Precisely. Which is why I've only added a bit of a painkiller. It'll make the contractions bearable but actually passing the child through the birth canal will still be painful."

She flushed and stared at her vanity top for a moment, before shifting around in clear discomfort, but also confusion.

"The—the what?" She whispered, so quietly that Severus hardly heard her. He nearly swore and rolled his eyes at the ceiling. Out of all the crazy things that he did on a daily basis, explaining the finer points of child birth to Narcissa Malfoy was something that definitely came near the top of his list.

"_Well, at least you expected the question_."

"_That doesn't make it less tedious, bird. Why women aren't explained these things clearly and succinctly as soon as they get old enough to have children is beyond me! What good can possibly come from keeping somebody in the dark about such matters_?"

"_Don't ask me, Severus. Just give her the book_."

Taking one of the books his elf handed him, Severus flipped it onto the right page and then thunked the book onto Narcissa's vanity.

She took one look at the cartoonish depiction of a woman's internal reproductive organs and gave a horrified gasp and turned away.

"Narcissa, don't be a child. It's necessary for you to know this. Just look at the picture."

She stared at him as if he was insane for a moment before cringing and shyly peeking at the book. She frowed at it for a long while, clearly lost. Severus muttered an oath under his breath and stepped forward, jabbing a finger at the ovaries and starting a clear and concise explanation of the reproductive cycle, even including Lucius' role in the scheme of things. Half way through, Narcissa lost her flush and shyness and actually frowned in concentration as she paid careful attention.

Finally, Severus stopped and laid a hand on the top of the vial beside the book. "This potion is going to initiate the contractions for you. Drink exactly thirty milligrams as soon as I leave and in precisely five hours time, contractions will start, your water will break and you'll go into labor. Make sure you tell Lucius to call a healer right away. The child will be premature and will need medical help which nobody in this house can provide for it. Now, if Lucius should ask any questions regarding the premature date—"

"He won't. As long as our boy's alright, he won't think anything of it."

"—_If_ he asks any questions, the healer and you should claim that stress from the war had initiated the early birth."

She nodded, tracing the vial with a pale finger. "What if—what if the healers can somehow sense the presence of the potion?"

"I've taken care of that. The magically modified enzymes—designed to mimic the effects of Oxytocin— in the potion will go to work right away and then become inactive and be filtered out of your system. The rest of the potion will evaporate in your stomach as soon as it's ingested—except the painkiller of course, and they won't think anything of its presence."

A smile crossed her face. She glanced at him. "See? I told you you're brilliant, Severus."

He shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Just do me a favor and make sure a healer is called. I shudder to think of only you and Lucius trying to deal with a newborn."

Turning to go, he was yanked back around when one of her hands grasped his. She stared at him, eyes wide and filled with fear but also gratitude.

"Thank you, Severus. Thank you. I owe you my life and my child's life, and I swear to you I will not forget it. I owe you a debt and whenever you call upon me to fulfill it, I will be there."

He stared at her, stunned at how serious she looked. Slowly, he nodded. Gently disengaging his hand from hers, he gave her a small smile.

"Remember to make up a good story on why I was here to see you, and—" he paused and raised an eyebrow at her. "—good luck. You'll need it, but you'll be able to pull this off. You're a Black after all."

Exchanging a faint smile with her, he turned and strode out of the door, his elf at his heels.

Glancing up and down the corridor, he determined it was empty before glancing down at his elf. "Are you sure about this?" he whispered in Elfish.

Gorgon nodded firmly. "I knowing more about healing than any other elf in this manor. If healer not get here then Mistress Narcissa needing my help."

"How on earth are you going to explain your presence to the other elves? Her labor is supposed to be initiated completely by chance."

Gorgon waved a dismissive hand. "I knowing Dobby well from dealing with him in dark manor."

Severus nodded, knowing Dobby had always been heavily involved in the silent but highly efficient black market of food, drugs and medicines being run out of pureblood manors and into the dark manor.

"I just saying that I wanting to visit with Dobby to discuss some things that Gorgy needing."

"I assume you already know what it is you're going to ask of him?"

Gorgon gave him a mildly annoyed look. "Gorgy not amateur at this anymore either, young master!"

Trying to hide a smirk, Severus glanced at his elf as they reached the top of the landing.

"Alright then. Good luck and try to keep things from completely going to hell. I'll see you in a few hours."

Exchanging a long look, Severus took a deep breath and then turned and hurried down the stairs and out of the Malfoy manor, not daring to look back at his elf. It was all in Gorgon's hands now.

XXXXXX

Staring hard at the board, Severus frowned and moved his knight forward. Patiently, he waited while Fawkes mulled over his next move before telling him to please move his tower forward three spaces. Reaching over, Severus moved Fawkes' piece before going back to staring at the board in concentration.

From time to time, he glanced at the clock in his chamber. It was nearly one in the morning, more than twelve hours after he had left Gorgon in the Malfoy manor.

He was frowning so hard at the clock that he hardly heard Fawkes demanding his attention.

"_What_?"

"_How on earth am I supposed to decide what to do next when I can't even see the board_!"

Severus scowled, once again being reminded of why it was damn inconvenient to be playing against a bird residing in his head.

"_Well it's not my fault I can't prance around here in my usual form, now is it_?"

"_Now unless we want to eat minced phoenix pies for dinner_," Severus sniggered and ignored Fawkes' outraged protests at the idea.

They were both interrupted by the sound of feet racing down the corridor and the door flying open, both Bella and Gorgon standing there, grinning at him.

"It's finally happened, Sevvie!" Bella squealed.

Gorgon's smile was wide enough to light up a room. "Mistress Narcissa did it, young master! She had a boy, little master Draco Malfoy was born a few hours ago, good and healthy!"

"Nari just flooed me and told me, Sevvie! He's apparently the most precious thing you've ever seen!"

Relief flooded through him as he stared first at Bella's ecstatic face and then his elf's tired but undeniably happy grin.

Draco Malfoy was alright. Severus had no idea what terrors and tragedies tomorrow would bring, but for today, they had won. One little boy would have a chance to grow up and live in this hellish world and be spoiled as the Malfoy heir he was, but at least he was alive.

As soon as the relief had flooded through him, it was replaced by a sense of slight weariness.

The last thing the world needed was more Malfoys, especially one who would have his father's undeniable arrogance and his mother's equally undeniable whining.

But that didn't matter right now. Right now all that mattered was that Draco Malfoy was alive and well, had ten fingers and toes and would have a chance to make this world his own despite the best attempts of insane dark wizards trying to keep it from happening.

June 17th, 1980

Little Whinging

Rain poured from the dark sky and Severus squinted through the downpour and pointed his wand at the nearest streetlamp, muttering a spell and watching it shatter, the glass flying onto the pavement below and the light flickering out. From beside him, he saw Bella, Karkaroff and Mulciber pulling their Thestrals to a halt and doing the same to all the other lamps until they were bathed in complete darkness.

"Alright. Snape, you've got number four, Lestrange, Karkaroff, you both have number nine. I'll stay on lookout. Be quick about it. Just get in there, grab them and get back out. And, Bella, in the name of all hells, don't harm them anymore than necessary! If they die before we put the spell on them, it'll the useless! Are you listening to me?" Mulciber hissed at Bella, who had hopped off her Thestral and was already staring at number nine, eagerness making her tremble. She waved a hand over her shoulder at Mulciber before eagerly running down the street, Karkaroff dashing after her through the rain.

Severus swung off Xira and slowly started walking down the wet street, his eyes straining to see through the darkness and his mask. Finally, he saw number four. He quietly crept into the immaculately kept yard and snuck around the side of the house, trying to feel for any wards. Unsurprisingly, he found none. Reaching the backdoor, he tapped it with his finger and he heard the deadbolt turn over. Turning the knob as quietly as he could, he pushed the door open and crept inside, wand held out, listening for any strange noises.

Going through the empty diningroom, he passed through the kitchen and then reached the front stairway. He spied a cupboard beneath the stairs but didn't think anybody would be hiding in there. Who in their right mind would live in a cupboard?

He was about to step onto the first stair when he thought better of it and decided to levitate himself up them in case they creaked.

He slowly drifted up the stairs and then down the corridor. There were two empty bedrooms, one of which housed some obviously unused exercising equipment and the other one held a large assortment of plastic boxes with screens and blinking lights which Severus didn't have the slightest idea about. Ignoring both, he walked towards the bedroom at the end of the corridor.

Muttering a complex dark spell at the door, he watched as it became transparent to his eyes only, allowing him to see inside without anybody in there being able to see anything except a solid, wooden door.

She lay on the large bed, the blanket pulled up to her chin, her blond hair spread out on the pillow and her chest rising slowly and evenly as her hands lay gently on the large bulge of her stomach where her child also lay in deep sleep.

Nott had told him that the woman's husband would be out of town that night at some business meeting and that she would be alone. They—Severus couldn't recall their last name—were muggles and wouldn't have any wards or other surprises waiting for them.

Scanning the room with his eyes and his mark, he saw that she really was alone. Tapping the door with his wand, he waited as it shimmered briefly before he stepped through it, not wanting to risk opening a potentially creaky door.

Quietly, he walked up to the bed and stared down at her. He knew what he had to do. Silence her, stun her, bind her and drag her downstairs and then back to the manor to be killed. No, not killed. Sacrificed. Sacrificed for the cause. For master.

He felt bile rising in his throat and his hand trembled as he kept the wand trained on her. He didn't want to do this. He couldn't. She had nothing to do with any of this! She didn't even know who master was, never mind having defied him three times.

Biting his lip hard, he listened to Fawkes quietly urging him to just leave and that they could just run back to Hogwarts and be done with the whole mess. He was about to start arguing that they couldn't just leave Gorgon at the manor and besides, master had sent them on a mission and they had to fulfill the mission, but Merlin, he didn't want to do this.

Before he was half way through these thoughts, the woman woke up. Her eyes widened with fear and she let out a scream of terror before Severus quickly silenced her.

She tried scrambling away from the darkly robed figure standing by her bed, but in her condition it was difficult.

Not wanting her to hurt herself, Severus quietly hissed 'Petrificus Totalus' at her, watching her go rigid and collapse back onto her bed.

Her entire body still trembled slightly despite the spell and her pale eyes were wide and utterly terrified as she stared at him.

He stared back at her, biting his lip hard enough to make it bleed. "I'm so sorry, but he'll be so angry if I come back without you."

She continued staring at him, tears now streaming down her face.

"_Severus, you don't have to do this! This is absurd! She has nothing to do with any of it! She knows nothing about our world! Let's just make up some nonsense to tell Mulciber and Lord High and Mighty and be done with it_!"

He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. He couldn't do this. He wouldn't. Yes, he might suffer for it, but better he suffer for disobeying an order than this woman suffer for being who she was.

Swiftly, he made up his mind. Muttering a time spell at her, he backed away from the bed.

"The spells will wear off in about five minutes. Please don't go outside for the rest of the night and try to get some sort of security for your house until after you give birth."

With that, he stepped back through the transparent door and unspelled it. Moving quickly, he hurried down the stairs and out the front door, the rain soaking his cloak and hood again as he ran back to where Mulciber was waiting.

"Well? Where the hell is she?"

Severus shrugged, trying to appear angry. "Nott's an idiot. He must have gotten her dates wrong. There's a woman in there, but her little brat's already here too. He must be around two by now! What the hell is wrong with Nott? The idiot can't even look an a hospital record and do a little bit of math!" Grumbling, Severus swung himself up onto his Thestral, praying that Mulciber wouldn't decide to check.

Mulciber's eyes narrowed behind his mask. "Are you sure she wasn't pregnant? Maybe a second child?"

Severus drew himself up and glared at him, pretending to be insulted. "You think I wouldn't notice if the bitch were pregnant or not!" He was ready to launch into an angry argument with the Initiations Master, not caring if it got him in trouble or not. Damn him for assuming Severus was as dumb as a board.

But Mulciber seemed to take his word for it and spat out a rude word about Nott while he looked down the street.

After a few minutes, Bella and Karkaroff could be seen running down the street, two stunned women floating in the air behind them, the rain already soaking their nightgowns.

"We got them," Karkaroff muttered unnecessarily. Bella and Mulciber went to work binding the women to Bella's Thestral's wings and then swung onto their own Thestrals.

Taking one last look around Privet Drive, they urged their Thestrals into a gallop and thundered down the wet street, black robes flying behind them.

XXXXXX

Petunia Dursley waited until the spells had worn off her before she dragged herself out of bed, shaking and still sobbing with fear. With extreme difficulty, she went to her dresser and rummaged around until she found Vernon's shotgun. Holding it in trembling hands, she inched her way out of her bedroom and down the stairs, creeping as slowly as she could in her barefeet, eyes wide and gun pointed at the front door. Reaching the bottom of the stairs, she quickly scrambled to the cupboard and opened it. Taking the lock off the front of it, she pulled the door shut after her. Turning on the flashlight she found lying on the floor, she snapped the lock shut and then wedged herself into the furthest corner, the gun trained on the door.

It was here that her husband found her the next morning when he got home. Still terrified and still in shock, his wife couldn't get out what had happened to her the previous night.

That very same day, she went through the house, ransacking every old box in the attic and every photoalbum and savagely threw out anything which had even a bit of her sister in it. From that day onward, she didn't allow her husband to mention her sister and any of those freaks ever again and it took years before she could sleep without the shotgun under her pillow.

Vernon Dursley never learned what had happened to frighten his wife so badly for she refused to talk about that night, but he learned quickly that she resented any mention of her sister and the entire magical world much more than before, now out of fear more than jealously. This suited him just fine and for the next year and a half, Vernon Dursley completely forgot about his sister in law and the existence of another world asides from their own.


	22. Chapter 22

Path of Shaded Light 

Chapter 22

Author's Note: Here we are, the last update before HBP comes out! I know Jo won't disappoint us with this one and I can't wait! Anyway, as always, thank you for the awesome feedback! All your wonderful words keep my crazy muse going! I should warn you now that this next part is a bit gory, but you've probably come to expect that from me J. Enjoy the next part and tell me what you think!

'He wanted reality to conform to his calculations. Therefore he had to deny reality and end in a void.'

- Friedrich Durrenmatt, 'The Pledge'

June 23rd, 1980

The Dark Manor

A sobbing moan of pain reached his ears as he pushed the door open, immediately being engulfed by the smell of blood and filth. Carefully, he kept his face blank, used to the smell but never being able to get used to the sight.

Stepping into the room, he nearly stumbled across a mangled, still body of a woman with long brown hair lying at his feet. Stepping over her, he forced himself not to look at her, instead, focused on the still living people in the dungeon.

There were three of them, chained by their wrists to the walls, hanging there, naked and limp. Their chins slumped onto the chests, their hair hanging in dirty wisps over their faces. Their enormous stomaches pulled their weight down and their wrists already looked broken in the cuffs. Macnair was leaning against the table in the center of the room, examining his fingernails and looking utterly bored. Severus was surprised to see the sadist looking so bored, but after weeks of disposing of hundreds of women and their unborn children, anybody would get bored. That or go insane.

However, Avery appeared not to have gotten sick of the routine genocide yet as he gazed hungrily at the sharp silver knife in his hands, his eyes lighting up as he watched the light reflecting off it.

"Quit staring at it, Nick!" Macnair muttered and then jerked his chin towards the women. "Get on with it already. There's another batch coming in in a few hours." He yawned.

Avery turned to the table on which a large cauldron sat and dipped the knife into it. Withdrawing the black coated knife, he went up to the women and drew a complex symbol of runes onto the stomachs, muttering an ancient spell to disband evil intentions.

As soon as Avery was finished, he drew back the knife, his eyes sparking with excitement. Severus quickly stepped forward, knowing that this was his chance.

"Avery! Hold on a moment!"

The eager smile froze on his face and he glanced over his shoulder at him. "What the hell do you want, Snape?"

Severus drew himself up and raised an eyebrow. "I need these three fetus', Avery."

"Yeah, and you'll get them. Just wait until the ritual is finished."

"The spell has already been cast, Avery," Severus said, sounding bored. "As for killing them, I'll see to that as soon as I'm done with them."

Macnair sighed. "Nick, don't stand there and argue with him, it'll take all day. Just let him take the hags for whatever potion thing he needs them for."

Avery looked crestfallen at not being allowed to complete his task, but then lit up as soon as Macnair reminded him that another batch was coming in shortly.

Severus pointed his wand at the three sets of chains and gently levitated the women up, being careful not to shake them any more then necessary.

Spinning around and not appearing the least interested in anything else in the room, he walked out, the women floating behind him.

He carefully kept his face blank as he briskly walked down the corridor to this room. He forced himself not to think about any of this. Not the raids, not the hundreds of innocent, terrified women who had gone through the manor, not even being asked their names or given a chance to defend themselves before the simple spell was cast on their unborn children and then both being slaughtered like animals. Severus had never imagined that master would go this far. More and more women were being brought in, some of them clearly being muggles and some of them not even being due in July.

He forced himself not think about it. He had managed to convince master that he was working on a new potion for him, something to sooth the recurring skin infections he had been experiencing lately, possibly as a side-effect from the life-force exchange. He had determined weeks ago that using the potion he had given Lady Agaria would have the same effect with a few modifications, he was able to spent time on his other plan and still have something to show master at the end.

Gorgon, Fawkes and him had quietly discussed the situation and come up with the only plan they could think of. Pleading with the Dark Lord had had no effect, and changing the names and addresses had only a limited effect. People being sent on the raids had been so terrified at discovering that they had turned up at empty houses or the wrong houses that they simply grabbed any pregnant females they could find and brought them back. Master had stopped caring about verifying their names and due dates weeks ago. At first, the ritual sacrifices had occurred in the large gathering chamber where initiations were held, but master had quickly grown tired of it since the parade of naked women never ended and it took hours. So he had told everybody to grab as many women as they could and get rid of them as quickly as possible. It was altogether possible that master had forgotten about the genocide occurring under his very nose and initiated by his own orders. He hadn't mentioned the women in a few days and didn't even have meetings with Lucius and his other raiders anymore.

Severus, on the other hand, couldn't forget. Using his cover as developing a new potion for the Dark Lord's health, he would randomly step into rooms where women were about to be killed and he would demand to be given them to use for potion ingredients and test subjects. Since dead subjects were no good, he managed to get a hold of the women before they were killed and nobody thought anything of it.

Reaching his room, he brought them in and immediately put them onto the table in the center of the room. His elf got to work putting up the strongest locking and silencing charms that he could.

Not even speaking, the two of them got to work, already having done this many times before. Gorgon muttered disinfectant charms at the women's belly's and poured pain-numbing potions down their throats. The women rarely responded, already too far gone from pain and dark magic. Severus knew he couldn't save them. There was no way he could smuggle them out of the manor anyway, but that didn't mean that their children didn't have a chance.

Pulling out his knife, he quickly set to work cutting open their numb stomaches. With Gorgon on the other side of the table, the two of them delicately used magic and medical instruments to open up the uterus and gently extract the wet, wrinkly and small child from its mother's womb. Without speaking, Severus cut the umbilical cord and laid the still baby onto the table. Bending over it, he started whispering charms at it, carefully monitoring the flow of his magic. Meanwhile, Gorgon wiped his bloody hands on a towel and immediately grabbed a small ball of herbs from a bowl and gently stuffed it into the baby's mouth and then some pieces into its nose. Staring at it with wide eyes, they waited with clenched jaws, hoping and praying.

Finally, the baby gave a tiny gurgle and gave a tiny wail. Severus let out a long breath and exchanged a small smile with Gorgon, who gently smiled at the baby before wrapping it in towels and carrying it onto another table. Whipping the blood and guts off his hands, Severus stepped up to the mother's head and bent down until he was staring right into her eyes.

"Can you understand me?" He asked quietly and clearly.

She stared at him, absolutely no emotion in her eyes. She gave a tiny moan but then went silent. Severus let out a frustrated breath. She was too far gone.

Sometimes the mothers were still of sound enough mind to understand what was going on around them and managed to whisper the name which they had wished their child to have before Severus gently poured a poison down their throats and released them into a painless death, gently closing their eyelids.

Unstoppering the vial, Severus opened her mouth and poured the potion down it. He watched as her eyes gradually dulled and then became lifeless. Closing her eyes, Severus put the stopper back into the vial and immediately hissed at his elf to hurry up.

Moving to the next women, they didn't speak as they got to work, trying to save another innocent life.

Once they were finished, two of the babies had survived and were lying on the table, so very still, but still breathing.

"Gorgon, take care of the mothers and the last baby, would you?"

Gorgon nodded, his face hard but his eyes sad. Severus couldn't bear to look at the dead bodies anymore and he walked over to the little babies, their small victory feeling ridiculously inadequate.

Summoning one of the large jars from his shelf, he unscrewed the lid and swirled the liquid inside. Satisfied, he got to work gently and extremely carefully shrinking the babies and then conjuring a thick bubble around them. Lifting up the small bubbles, he gently dropped them into the liquid, watching them float in the jar. Screwing the lid back on, he stared through the side of the glass, smirking with slight satisfaction when he saw two large lizards floating in what looked like formaldehyde. Taking the jar, he gently set it back on the shelf beside the dozen other jars in which a host of other organisms appeared to be residing but all of which were actually tiny, breathing babies.

Severus had lost track of how many babies he and Gorgon had managed to extract from their dying mothers and place in these jars. Once a week, Severus took the jars to Diagon Alley, where he hid the jars inside the wall and then sending a message with Fawkes to the headmaster. Later on that day, an auror would come up to the wall and gently take out the jars and rush them to St. Mungos, where hopefully the babies would receive the medical attention they needed.

Despite the headmaster's constant promises that he was doing all he could to keep other women out of the raiders way and his expressions of gratitude for what Gorgon and him were doing, Severus felt utterly numb.

He had managed to keep himself separated from most of the sadistic slaughter of innocents and other such recreational activities over the years just by keeping to himself or being busy with other assignments, but he couldn't get away from this. Everywhere he looked, he saw dead and dying women and the cries of unborn children rang in his mind at all hours of the night. He couldn't get away from them and they couldn't get away from him.

His elf was feeling much the same way, going through the motions with a quiet and efficient manner, but not speaking much unless it was necessary.

Even Fawkes had nearly completely withdrawn from Severus' mind, not complaining about anything and not even speaking to him, not daring to believe that he was in the middle of something like this.

XXXXXX

She heard Avery's outraged protests from down the corridor. Curious and feeling bored since Sevvie wasn't speaking to her and was locked up in his room again, she followed the sound of the voice.

Avery was standing infront of Sevvie's door, loudly arguing with Nott, who was grunting from time to time in response to whatever Avery was complaining about.

"—don't see what the hell gave the little whore the authority! He can't just sweep in there and yank them away! I had a job to do and he didn't allow me to complete it."

Bella smirked. Right. He was feeling upset because he hadn't been allowed to finish his job. She sighed. She could understand Avery's feelings. She didn't like it either when she couldn't finish a job but to her, it was simply a job. Something she had to do. Avery liked hurting the poor women. Bella didn't like to hurt them, but knew she had to. The women were a risk to her master. It wasn't really their fault, but they had to be severely punished because of it so they were sure not to do it again.

She cocked her head as she listened to the argument. Avery seemed to be wanting to break into Sevvie's room and start a fight with him. Her eyes narrowed. She wouldn't allow Avery to disturb her bondmate and hurt him.

Besides, Sevvie and her had their secret, and if Avery blasted through the wards and burst through the door, their secret would be out in the open and that would be terribly dangerous. Master would be so disappointed in them. Bella couldn't risk that.

She knew that Sevvie was doing something in his room that he didn't want anybody knowing about. She had known for weeks that Sevvie was working on some potion for master. She knew because she had asked Sevvie what the name of it was. She had also known for weeks that Sevvie had lots of that potion on his shelf, which had mysteriously vanished when Sevvie had declared that he was starting to make the potion. She knew that potion was the same that Sevvie was making for master now because she had read the names on the labels when she had wandered around Sevvie's room, bored and waiting for him to finish chopping and stirring. She hadn't understood why Sevvie was spending so much time making a potion he had already made, but then she decided that Sevvie probably used it as an excuse to have some privacy. She couldn't understand why Sevvie would need this privacy, but she didn't bother him about it. It probably had to do with their big secret.

Immediately, she clapped her hands over her ears and squeezed her eyes shut, lest some of these bad thoughts leak out for somebody to see.

She had no idea what Sevvie was doing, but if it made him happy, then she would make sure nobody bothered him.

Taking her hands off her ears, her eyes narrowed and anger coursed through her as she watched Avery taking out of his wand. Nobody would hurt her Sevvie.

Fierce protectiveness ran through her and she used that anger to conjured up a stream of fire in her hands and send it hurling towards Avery and Nott. Nott spied the stream and managed to duck with a shout but it caught Avery right in the chest and his robes lit up as he screamed.

With triumph glinting in her eyes, she advanced slowly, keeping her guard up and both her hands pointed at them, ready to kill them if they didn't leave Sevvie alone.

Nott sent a shower of water at Avery and managed to extinguish the flames.Then he spun around and glared at her.

"What the hell is your problem, you crazy, stupid bitch?" He yelled.

Bella clenched her jaw. "You get away from that door, you!" she yelled right back. When Nott opened his mouth in a snarl to respond and Avery was slowly straightening, gasping for breath and reaching for his wand, Bella felt her chest well up with anger and hate. Her magic grasped the strong emotions and she shoved the air before her with open palms and the two men were lifted up and thrown ten feet down the corridor.

"Get away from that door! Get away!" She screamed after them, stalking after them.

The two men sat up and Nott looked like was about to fight, but Avery was already picking himself up and scrambling down the corridor, in too much pain to want to risk a duel with Bella.

With one last oath hissed at her, Nott hastily beat a retreat.

Spinning around, she glared into every nook and crany of the empty corridor. She glared at the bricks before her, not sure if there was somebody behind them or in them.

"Get away from that door!" she screamed at no one in particular, just to drive her point home.

Convinced that nobody would bother her Sevvie anymore, she lay down spreadeagled on the corridor floor, closing her eyes and quietly listening for any approaching footsteps. She would be ready if they came back.

XXXXXX

That very same night at promptly nine o'clock in the evening, Petunia Dursley gave birth to a large, happy boy. When an owl came flying through the window the next morning, bearing a message of congratulations from the Potters, Petunia nearly went mad and Vernon had to throw it outside and lock all the windows and doors before Petunia would calm down and quit screaming at Vernon to kill it and not let it touch her.

June 29th, 1979

The Dark Manor

He watched the dried blood on his hands, marveling over how many times he washed them and how they were still covered in blood at all hours of the day. His elf was scrubbing the tables behind him. The ghosts of the twins, that little girl, the mother and her small daughter milled around the room, joined by dozens of other women now, holding small bundles in their arms, all of them drifting in and out of the room, staring at him with silent eyes.

They had lost both of the babies this time around. Bella had been too rough with both of them, unknowingly killing both of the fetus' before even killing the mothers.

He stretched his fingers out and stared at them. He felt sick inside. He felt utterly revolted with himself and all of the madness which raged around him. He was so sick and tired of the constant death, pain and screams of the dead and dying which never seemed to leave him.

He wanted nothing more than to forget about it all. He knew there was no way he could stop it. Standing up and bravely defending one of the hundreds of defenseless women would only lead to his own death and would lead to them losing the few children they could possibly save.

He wanted to forget. He needed to forget. For the first time in weeks, thoughts of his crystals sprang up in his mind and he nearly lurched upright, his breath shortening as he felt excited for the first time in days. His crystals. If he could only get his hands on a few of them, he could make all of this hell go away for a few hours. His head slowly started to pound, the Banshees slowly waking.

He stared at his hands, hardly noticing how they were shaking. He glanced over his shoulder at his elf, trying to decide what story to tell his elf and at the same time mulling over whether or not Bella would have some.

As soon as the thought was in his head, he froze, that tiny smile on his face vanishing.

No. No, no, no. He couldn't—wouldn't—go back to that life. Clenching his shaking hands into fists he clenched his eyes shut and nearly screamed. He wanted his crystals! He wanted to be free from all of this madness for just a few hours. He wanted to leave this world of darkness and screams and ghosts.

He slammed his fists onto the table, causing his elf to look at him with concern. One of the twins—Rebecca Jones—stopped her silent vigil beside his desk and stared at him for a moment before staring off into nothing again. He wanted to hurl something at her but knew that throwing things at ghosts had no effect. She'd just stare at him and smile that strange little smile of hers and exchange a glance with her sister—Jenny—who was currently sitting on his bed, her legs dangling off the edge.

"Is young master alright?"

Uncurling his fists, Severus covered his face with them. "I can't do this anymore, elf."

His elf stopped cleaning. "What?"

Dropping his hands, he went back to staring at them. "I can't do this anymore. Any of it. I've had enough, elf. I want out. Permanently."

His elf hurriedly checked to make sure the silencing charms were still up and the door was locked. Then he slowly went up to the desk his young master was sitting at.

"Maybe young master just needing some fresh air."

"No, elf. I want out of this whole mess. Out all the way. I can't do it anymore. I won't. I won't sit here and go through this day after day until he's killed all of them. I can't. I'll go mad and kill myself first."

His elf frowned and dropped the rag he was holding. "Young master not thinking those thoughts!"

Severus let out a hollow laugh. "How can I not, elf? Don't tell me you don't think about it too every moment of every day!"

Gorgon bit his lip and didn't answer. After a long silence, the old elf edged closer to him. "If young master wanting out, then we leave. We go to Hogwarts and ask headmaster for protection. He understanding."

For the first time in days, Fawkes' voice erupted in his mind. "_Of course he'll understand! Come on, let's go already before we all go mad_!"

Severus' hands were involuntarily drawn to the medallion hanging around his neck. While thoughts swirled in his head on how they could possibly escape and what master's reaction would be once he realized Severus had run off permanently, he barely noticed the medallion getting hotter.

"Well, it is rather fitting, isn't it?"

Severus nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard the voice behind him. Twisting around he stared at the pearly white figure of Salazar Slythering who was leaning against the table, an eyebrow raised.

"What's fitting?" Severus demanded in a quiet, weary voice.

"That you'd give up on the exact day that you defied him."

"What?"

"Don't you know what date it is?"

Severus sighed, not caring. "No."

"It's June 29th, you little fool. It's been exactly a year since you defied him and started this charade."

Severus stared at the Slytherin founder. "It's been a year?" His voice sounded hollow to his own ears.

The founder shifted and sniffed. "And if that means nothing to you then you really are too far gone to be worth any more of my effort."

Severus felt anger well up inside of him. "How can anything mean something to me anymore after all this?" He demanded harshly.

Salazar stared at him for a long moment as if considering how to answer that question. Then he stood up straight.

"Tell me, are Slytherins generally optimists?"

Severus frowned, not understanding what this had to do with anything, but still not daring to be rude to the founder. "No. At least, not in the Gryffindor sense. If the situation is hopeless then Slytherins would be the first to abandon all efforts and call for a retreat."

"Yes, self preservation, isn't that right? But on the other hand, we aren't as quick to call a situation hopeless as a Gryffindor is."

Severus snorted. "How can this not be hopeless, Salazar?"

"You're thinking like a Gryffindor!"

His eyes narrowed at the insult. He was about to retort an answer when the founder's words sunk in. He sank back in his chair.

Of course. To a Gryffindor, not being able to stand up and scream and yell and bravely fight to protect any of these innocent mothers would mean that the situation was hopeless. But to a Slytherin, that wasn't the only available option. No.

Sitting up straight, Severus felt his mind starting to work again for the first time in days. Gallant bravery was never a Slytherin's way of doing things. It was too often shortlived and fell short of accomplishing goals.

Instead, Severus would have to find a way to stop this massacre from another direction.

"_Severus, what on earth is going on in this head of yours? It's hopeless. Let's just go home and try to do our best from Hogwarts walls_."

Ignoring the phoenix, Severus gave the founder a grim smile, who smirked back at him. "Not yet, bird. We haven't lost yet. Just because we can't save them all single-handedly doesn't mean we give up. We just have to find a way to save all of them at the same time."

Salazar Slytherin smirked again and carefully kept the spark of pride out of his eyes as he nodded and then vanished back into his medallion.

Meanwhile, Severus stood up, already pacing around the room, feeling alive and full of purpose again. There was no way they were giving up now.


	23. Chapter 23

Path of Shaded Light 

Chapter 23

Author's Note:Well, now that the HBP craze is slowly dying down we all sink back into the fanfic which helps tide us over the long months of wait. I hope everybody enjoyed HBP! I won't spoil anything but my sister and I made a bet about a certain somebody's actions. The winner gets a ten dollar treat at Dairy Queen. I can taste the ice-cream already!

Anyway, here is the next chapter. It's not as dark as the previous one was, I promise. I hope everybody enjoys it and let's me know what they think!

'The Universe is perfect. You cannot improve it. If you try to change it, you will ruin it. If you try to hold it, you will lose it.'

- Andromeda, 'Deep Midnight's Voice'

July 6th, 1980

The Dark Manor

Utterly exhausted, his master rolled off him and collapsed onto the bed, red eyes glowing dimly with satisfaction.

Severus lay quietly, listening for the snap of his fingers. Once he heard it, he quietly scampered off the bed and waited on the floor. He swallowed and winced silently at the soreness of his neck. Master had grabbed the collar and yanked on it too hard, causing the leather to dig painfully into his neck. Even though the leather had softened over the years of wear, it was still tight.

He reached up with a cautious hand and rubbed the edge of it, feeling the welts on his neck. He quietly listened to his master's breathing. The gasps gradually slowed into slow, deep breaths. He'd fallen asleep.

Not daring to attempt any magic while lying there on the floor, Severus decided to ignore his neck for the moment. As soon as master woke, happy and well rested, Severus would gently bring up the subject he had been wanting to discuss for days but never finding a lull in his master's irritated moods. He hoped that nothing would go wrong before he could bring it up and try to convince the Dark Lord to finally put a stop to this utter insanity. Fear crept up his spine at the thought of suffering his master's anger if he didn't like the fact that Severus was interfering in his affairs or speaking at all. Sometimes he would be remarkably receptive to what his two personal companions had to say, and on some days resented the fact that they were even capable of speech.

Knowing he would be here until the Dark Lord woke again, he opened his bond.

"_Bella_?"

"_Sevvie_?"

"_Not, it's your great-great-grandmother calling you from the beyond_."

A giggle. "_Sevvie, you're so funny. Where are you_?"

"_In master's chambers. He just fell asleep_."

"_Well done, Sevvie_," she gushed.

Severus rolled his eyes. "_Thank you. It took so much effort_."

Another giggle. "_Guess what I'm doing_?"

"_Is it a what or a who_?"

A shriek of laughter. "_Sevvie_!"

Ignoring the pain in his neck and the rest of him, he lay on the cool marble, closing his eyes and listening to his bondmate chatter on about something. The sound of her voice soothed him and kept him calm while he waited.

He had nearly fallen asleep when he heard a grumble and a long sigh from the bed above him. Quickly rolling onto his front, he lay quietly and turned his bond off.

"Get me a drink, my precious serpent."

He crawled over to the nightstand and carefully poured red wine out of the crystal bottle into one of the tall glasses and brought it over to the bed.

Along the way, he passed Nagini who raised her head and glanced at him. Opening her mouth, her tongue flickered out and then she quietly hissed something.

Severus listened carefully, furrowing his eyebrow as he tried to catch the different tones and speeds of the hisses coming from the snake.

"What did she say, Severus?" The Dark Lord mumbled, still lying sprawled out on the bed.

"I believe she was expressing concern over the delay in the initiation ceremony, my Lord."

A limp hand was waved in Nagini's direction. "There is nothing to be concerned about. Our current project has slowed down some of the training but everything will be put into motion in the next few days. Initiation will occur sometime by the end of the month."

Severus nodded, handing the glass to his master while Nagini lay her head back down, briefly glaring at him.

He rolled his eyes at her and then ignored her. He hated to admit it, but his master's hearing and eyesight had been getting worse and worse while his sense of smell had increased dramatically as possible side effects of the life-force exchange. Nagini resented this change in her companion since it meant that Severus and Bella had to learn some Parseltongue in order to relay her questions and concerns to him. Neither of them could speak it, but they had nearly become fluent in it by now.

The snake had never expressed any outward animosity or tolerance towards him or Bella but simply ignored their presences most of the time. Typical arrogance. Only in the past few months had the snake started to acknowledge that she needed to rely on either of them in order to speak to her long time companion. She had never been happy about this but had gradually started to adjust.

The Dark Lord carefully sipped his wine and then rested it on his scaly stomache while he licked a few drops off his lips with the thin, split tongue.

Severus crouched beside him, waiting for the opportunity to bring up what he wanted to discuss.

His master sighed and stared up at the ceiling before he glanced at Severus.

"You want to say something, Severus."

"Yes, my Lord."

Lord Voldemort examined his fingernails and took another small sip. "What about?"

"About our current project, my Lord. I'm afraid that some of our efforts are proving to be in vain, and in fact, are pushing us further and further away from our goal."

A slight frown marred the pale face. "Are you suggesting my plan is somehow flawed?"

Severus' eyes widened and he phrased his words carefully. He was treading on dangerous territory now. "No, my Lord. The blame is with the enemy. They have interfered with our plans too much and pushed a flaw into it which cannot be undone. If that old fool hadn't overheard the prophecy then none of this would be an issue, but he has and has taken results to block our efforts at keeping fate from making such a tragic mistake."

"What flaw?" He spat.

"None that were my Lord's making, master! It was something which was orchestrated by Dumbledore himself." Severus tried to sound disgusted when saying the headmaster's name.

That seemed to calm him down slightly. "What flaw, Severus? It's true that some of our information has been faulty—obviously meant as planted evidence—and some of our targets have been hidden, but we will find them."

"What if we don't, my Lord?"

Immediately, the Dark Lord stiffened and the glass shattered in his hands as he sat up and sent Severus flying against the far wall.

He hit the wall hard and fell onto the floor. "I meant no offense, my Lord!" he cried.

"You were insinuating that I would not be able to find them! Do you think of me as incompetent?" He hissed.

Severus shook his head. "No, my Lord! Never! Of course you would be able to find them if you so choose, but Dumbledore knows that most of the raiders wouldn't! They are incompetent fools, master! They bring back children and old men when they were specifically sent out to find pregnant witches! The old fool knows who we are looking for and he has hidden many of them well enough not to be found! If we keep hunting for them then he will hide more of them and hide them with more complex magic!"

The Dark Lord frowned at him, obviously mulling this over. Finally, he scowled. "I cannot prance around and do the work my servants should be doing!"

Severus looked horrified at the thought. "Of course not, my Lord! You do too much as it is."

Lord Voldemort stared at the far wall, deeply lost in thought. Severus nearly held his breath, hoping and praying that he had pushed him in the right direction and that he would come to the conclusion he needed him to come to. If Severus would suggest it, then his master would dismiss it simply because it did not do to do as a servant suggested, not matter how brilliant the suggestion might be.

"There is still hope of salvaging our plans, Severus." He murmured quietly. "The harder my children try to find the women, the harder Dumbledore will try to hide them. If we would back off and allow the old fool to think we have given up, then he will eventually grow sloppy and careless and the ones we really need will come back into the open."

"Master is brilliant, as always," Severus breathed, crawling back up to the bed on his hands and knees.

"Of course, my serpent. There is no problem which cannot be handled with some proper thinking. Not that most of the morons who exist in this world would understand that."

Severus couldn't help but agree but he couldn't waste time celebrating a victory just yet. There was still one last thing to take care of.

He frowned, pretending to be greatly concerned. "But, my Lord! Once they are back in the open, we will need to be very specific with who we attack or Dumbledore will move them all back into hiding. How on earth will we know which one we will eliminate?"

The Dark Lord rolled his eyes and sighed. "Severus, do not disappoint me with these stupid, inane questions. I expect better from you! The one who we will need is one who is born before the end of this month and whose parents have defied me three times. We will simply have to keep an eye on all of the potential parents and their respective brats until we have determined which one is the chosen one."

"But—it could be months before the parents have defied you three times, my Lord."

Another sigh. "Then we will wait. Perhaps it will take years, but we will have them in the end. Honestly, my serpent, this discussion started out so well and then you just lost all intelligence half way through! I can have less inane conversations with a wall."

Severus murmured an apology and then scampered off to get his master a new glass and more wine.

While he poured, he struggled to hide the smile on his face. They were safe for now. Yes, the hundreds of lives which had been lost could never be returned, but the rest of them were safe for now. And most importantly, Evans was safe for now and could come back out of hiding. After all, she hadn't directly defied the Dark Lord three times.

He quietly poured out the wine and then lifted the glass as a silent toast to Salazar Slytherin.

Aug. 1st, 1980

St. Mungo's Hospital

"_Alright, are you ready, bird_?"

"_Are you sure this is a wise idea_?"

"_I want to see her, bird! Come on_!"

"_Alright, alright, just remember to get ready to disillusion yourself as soon as we pop in in case there's_—"

"_I know, I know! Get on with it_!"

Moments later, Severus felt himself leaving the dirty London street and hurling through time and space until he felt himself landing on a floor. Immediately, he whipped out his wand and tapped himself on the head, whispering the charm and making himself transparent.

Only then did he take the time to survey his surroundings. The room was unbelievably white and reeked of disinfectant. All of the beds were empty save for the one in the corner in which a red-haired witch lay asleep. Or rather, she looked asleep. Severus could see the tension in her body and the way her breathing sounded too controlled and shallow.

He carefully checked to make sure he hadn't set off any alarms and then allowed himself to chuckle briefly.

"Evans, if you're going to pretend to be asleep you've got to do a better job than that. Besides, what are you going to do? Throw a pillow at me?"

Immediately, her eyes snapped open and a brilliant smile lit her face up as she stared around the room. Chuckling again, Severus took the charm off himself and stepped closer.

"Sev! Oh, damn, it's good to see you!" She nearly got out of bed to run over to him, but Severus held up a hand. "Calm down and lie back down, Evans!"

She scowled and waved away his concern. "I'm fine."

He raised an eyebrow. "You were in labor three hours ago."

"Yes, and now I'm done and ready to go and do something more entertaining than lie in a bed."

Severus smiled and rolled his eyes at her. He stepped a bit closer, suddenly feeling very dirty standing there in his dusty boots and dirty cloak and gloves.

She sat up and pat the space on the bed beside her. "Come and sit, Sev!"

"I shouldn't, Evans. I haven't washed this cloak in ages—"

"Oh, don't be a git! Come sit!"

He gingerly sat down and glanced her over. "So, how are you feeling?"

She rolled her eyes. "Absolutely fine, even if the rest of the world insists on treating me like glass! Even James insisted that I stay here for the night! I would have absolutely refused but Alice is two doors down and is being moved over here in the morning so I promised her I'd stay a while and keep her company."

He nodded, glad that she was alright. "Is she alright?"

She nodded. "Oh, she's fine. And before you ask, Neville and Harry are both fine too."

He raised an eyebrow. "Neville and Harry?"

"Neville Frank Longbottom and Harry James Potter." She practically glowed when she said the name.

Severus let out a breath. "Great. So now we don't only have a miniature Malfoy to content with but a miniature Longbottom and Potter."

She laughed quietly and elbowed him in the ribs. "Don't be a git."

"As long as you promise to keep them all away from me then I'll be fine. I've had enough of babies and pregnant women to last a lifetime."

She sobered momentarily, knowing what he was talking about. "I've heard about what's been happening. It's made me so damn angry, being safe and tucked away, knowing that others were being grabbed because they couldn't find me."

"It's over now, Evans. He's stopped. I've finally managed to talk some sense into him."

She let out a breath. "Good. I'm glad. And, Sev?"

"Yeah?"

"I heard a rumor from Alice. Some of the raiders were obsessively searching through my old neighborhood looking for Lily Perkins and Alexandra Longthumb."

Severus shrugged. "Faulty information. Lucius and the others must just be getting sloppy."

She smiled and looked him in the eyes. "And I know who to thank for that faulty information. Alice too. Thank you, Sev. Neville and Harry owe their lives to you."

"No, they don't, Evans. You and Alice both protected them and did the right thing by going into hiding."

"None of which would have mattered if you hadn't changed the names. They would have found us eventually if they knew the real people to look for."

They fell silent for a moment as Lily squeezed Severus' hand. Severus felt an immense relief well up inside of him. Yes, there were hundreds of innocent children and their mothers who would never get to see another day, but at least, there were some who had managed to escape the slaughter unscathed.

"So," Lily started, interrupting his thoughts. "James and I have been fighting like cats and dogs over who's going to be Harry's godfather. He wants the mutt. I said no."

Severus rolled his eyes. "Well, Potter has never been known for having much of a brain. I'd have expected a suggestion like that."

She snorted and elbowed him in the ribs again. "Be nice. Anyway, I told him I wouldn't be completely against the idea, if you promised me something."

"Me? How do I play into this lovely family debate?"

"I don't care who gets the official title of being his godfather, but I want you to promise me that you'll watch out for him."

"For Potter's son?" He stared at her, hoping she was joking, but she was looking at him so seriously that he doubted she was.

"Yes. For Harry. My son. You've already protected him long enough for me to bring him into this world, and I want you to promise that if anything happens to either James or me, that you'll protect him. I don't ask that you love him or even like him, because I know what you think about James, but I want you to promise me you'll protect him."

He sighed and glanced at the white blanket he was sitting on. Finally, he bit his lip and sighed. "Alright, Evans. I promise. I don't promise to ever babysit or to coddle him or hold his hand when he stubs his toe, but nobody will harm a hair on his head if I can help it."

She grinned and gave him a hug. "Thank you, Sev! That's all I want! I don't trust Sirius to do it, but I trust you."

Severus shook his head with a small smile on his face. "Didn't anybody ever tell you not to trust a Death Eater?"

She scoffed. "My trust in people isn't based on their titles, Sev, it's based on what I think of them. I wouldn't trust Lucius Malfoy with anything, but then again, I wouldn't trust Sirius either and he's on our side."

They fell into another silence before Lily elbowed him in the ribs again and demanded to know how the hell he had gotten in here without any of the alarms going off.

Smiling, Severus leaned back against the pillow she propped up behind them and relaxed, launching into the long argument he had had with a certain phoenix for an hour before convincing him to apparate them both in.

For about an hour, he forgot all about the war, Dark Lords, and the many ghosts he had left behind in the dark manor. For now, all that mattered was that he was sitting here with his best friend talking to her about everything just like he always had.

Sept. 15th, 1980

Hogwarts School

A whispered conversation reached his ears and he froze. Immediately, he disillusioned himself and levitated himself up, keeping himself up by the ceiling. Moments later, two little first year girls hurried past underneath him, giggling and madly shushing each other.

He shook his head at them. They weren't making any effort whatsoever to be discreet or stay invisible. Mrs. Norris or Filch would catch them for sure.

"_They aren't fighting a war, Severus_."

"_It doesn't matter, Fawkes. If they're going to sneak around, they ought to do it properly, no matter what. There's no excuse for being sloppy and only doing something half way_."

Fawkes snorted in his head but didn't say anything.

After the girls had passed, Severus floated back down and snuck along the corridor, carefully using his mark to check for any other approaching students or teachers. He really didn't need to run into Professor McGonagall or Flitwick and try to explain what he was doing here. Finally, he reached the corridor with the gargoyle.

The gargoyle moved aside and let him in without him having to even say who he was. Bounding up the revolving stairs, he pulled out the red vial and moments later, it exploded and a shower of red and gold sparks rained down on him and Fawkes appeared, swooping over his head.

"_Would you calm down_?" Severus hissed at him. "_There are hundreds of students in here now_."

"_Oh, don't be such a wet rag! Nobody can hear me in here_."

Taking the stairs two at a time, he reached the door and carefully knocked, waiting for the cheery 'come in' from inside before pushing it open.

He stepped inside, aware that the headmaster had dimmed the lights moments before he stepped inside.

The old man got up and hurried around his desk, his arms open. Severus didn't really want to hug anybody in the clothes he had just run through a soggy, dark forest in but he allowed himself the momentary weakness of accepting the headmaster's comforting embrace.

"Oh, my boy, I'm so glad to see you! It's been a while," Dumbledore murmured into his hair.

Severus gently disentangled himself and nodded. "I apologize. We have been very busy with initiation and planning for weeks now."

The headmaster nodded. "Of course. I heard it was severely delayed this year."

"All because of Dolohov. The Dark Lord was not pleased."

"I don't imagine he would be." The headmaster smiled at Fawkes, who flew off of Severus' shoulder and perched on his old friend's outstretched arm and they quietly exchanged a conversation which Severus couldn't hear.

He unclasped the silver clasps on his shoulders and took off his dirty cloak and bundled it up in his lap as he sat down in the same chair he had sat in since he was ten years old. His mark was burning with irritation at being so near the headmaster and being in Hogwarts, but Severus ignored it, only gently rubbing it on the arm of the chair when it nearly became unbearable.

He was startled by the sudden appearance of a cup of hot chocolate at his elbow and he gratefully took it, allowing the warmth to seep into his fingers. He felt so relaxed and safe that he was loath to think of the fact that soon they would have to go back to the dark manor.

"So," the headmaster finished his conversation with Fawkes and smiled at him, his eyes twinkling. "I've been hoping you would be by sooner, but as it is, I'm afraid your birthday present is very delayed this year."

Severus sat up straight. "Headmaster, you didn't have to—"

"Nonsense, Severus! Now, where on earth did I put it—?" The headmaster rummaged around in his desk drawers while Severus tried to smoother the smile on his face.

Severus had never grown foolish enough to take his presents for granted and as a result, was constantly amazed every year when his elf, Evans and the headmaster took the time to get him something.

Finally, the headmaster pulled out a small package from his desk and handed it to him.

"Happy 19th birthday, my child."

Severus set his cup down and opened the package as Fawkes flew onto his shoulder, curiously peering at it. He unwrapped a small box which he gently pried open and saw two dark balls lying nestled in a velvet cushion.

He jerked his head up to the headmaster, immediately recognizing them.

"Omniscient Eyes!"

The headmaster nodded, smiling. "I thought you might find them useful from time to time."

Severus gently ran a finger over the ball's glassy surface and then stared at the headmaster.

"Wow. I don't know what to say, sir. Thank you. Thank you so much."

He felt a lump in his throat, always dangerously on the verge of being overcome when people remembered his birthday. For the first ten years of his life, he didn't even know people celebrated the day of their birth and he still couldn't get used to the fact that other people not only remembered the day he was born, but actually cared about it.

The headmaster smiled at him. "You're very welcome. I hope you find them useful."

"Definitely, sir."

Omniscient Eyes were very useful little dark devices which could be implanted into walls or people without being detected. If both were implanted, the eyes would record anything they could see and enable people to monitor the activities of other people without them being any wiser. If only one was implanted somewhere then the other one could be used as a visual guide, transmitting all the images from the first eye into the second one. Their use was strictly monitored and many of them had been destroyed after the war with Grindelwald nearly 40 years ago since they had been used to terrorize people and invade their privacy. How the headmaster had gotten his hands on two of them was beyond Severus. His mind was already reeling with ways to put the eyes to good use and ways to ensure nobody would be able to detect their presence.

"_Severus, I know you're excited about these terrible little snoop toys, but could we stay on track here_?"

"On track about what?" Severus murmured, still staring at the little black balls.

"_Honestly! There's a little thing called a war going on here, Severus_!"

Oh, right. The war. The upcoming battle.

Reluctantly closing the box again, he gently slid it into his robe's pocket and then glanced up at the headmaster, who was chuckling at him.

"I hate to destroy this festive mood, sir, but we didn't come here just for this. In fact, I had completely forgotten about my birthday."

The headmaster waved a hand at him. "Of course you did, dear. It's not up to you to remember your birthday, that's our responsibility."

Severus suddenly blushed but quickly pushed that aside. Now wasn't the time to start acting like a shy little twit.

Sitting down, Dumbledore waved his wand and immediately, an enormous map of England appeared before them.

Severus leaned forward and Fawkes hoped off his shoulder and onto the desk, all thoughts of his birthday gone from their minds.

"He's planning to attack Wimbleton, sir, but he's planned miniature diversions in two other places to occur at the same time. He's hoping that the majority of your fighters will be sent to deal with the diversions, allowing his Death Eaters to make short work of Wimbleton."

"I take it he doesn't want me knowing any of this, hm?"

"I believe it would distress him greatly, headmaster."

Nodding, Dumbledore leaned over the map and waved his wand at a quill and piece of parchment lying on the desk which began to record their conversation.

Frowning in concentration, Severus leaned forward and started to explain the Dark Lord's current plans in as much detail as possible as the quill quietly wrote down every word he said and the headmaster listened carefully.

Fawkes had flown off Severus' shoulder and was perching on top of his perch, preening his wings and having lost all interest in the conversation.


	24. Chapter 24

Path of Shaded Light

Chapter 24

Author's Note: A big thank you to everybody who reviewed and/or read! I'm thrilled you're still liking my little tale. Here are the next two chapters and we're almost ready to say good bye to another year. Just about a year more to go until everything gets turned on its head (as if it isn't already!). Have fun reading and take a second to tell me what you liked or hated.

'Go softly into the night my heroes and you will be back for another day.'

- King Arthur

Sept. 21st, 1980

A pub in the outskirts of London

"—and there they were, both grinning at each other and being just the most adorable picture you could possibly imagine, and then Harry suddenly belches and vomits all over James' lap! Oh, you should have seen it! I couldn't stop laughing!" Lily laughed quietly, smoothering her laughter in her butterbeer bottle. She took a sip and then slid the bottle across to him.

Severus gave her a thin smile, pretending to be interested as he took a sip and sent it back to her. Truthfully, he didn't give a damn about Potter and his little brat, but this was Evans' brat too and Severus wasn't going to be a git and ruin this for her. She loved gushing about every tiny thing Harry was doing and learning and made sure Severus knew every little detail. Severus could recite exactly when Harry had smiled for the first time, when he started grabbing for the little plastic stars drifting above his cradle--which had prompted Potter to start cooing about his great Quidditch potential--and how many times he had covered James in vomit. While his mind was busy thinking about Dark Lords, battles and prophecies, he let her chatter on about the things all mothers want the world to know about as if their child was the only baby in the entire world.

She had reached the end of another story and was laughing again so Severus smiled again. Finally, she shook her dark hair out of her eyes and traced circles through the condensation on the bottle before her.

"So, what's this about, Sev? The battle's not for another two weeks."

"I know. That's what I wanted to talk to you about."

She raised her eyebrows at him, getting ready for a fight. "I'm fighting Sev, and there's not a damn thing anybody can do about it. James will stay home with Harry and I'll fight. We've already talked it over and we're just going to take turns fighting so if anything happens, one of us will still be around to take care of Harry. I'm not a complete dimwit, Sev," She said, rolling her eyes and taking a sip of her beer.

Severus sighed, knowing that he would lose this fight so he wasn't even going to try. "Listen, Evans, the battle's not what I'm worried about."

"Then what?"

"The prophecy."

She froze at the word and her bottle hung in the air for a moment before she lowered it to the table.

"Damn. I nearly forgot about it."

"You can't forget about it, Evans. Not for one moment. Especially from now on. He hasn't forgotten about it and he won't until he's found the one who's described in the prophecy and eliminated them. From now on, he's going to be keeping his eyes on every one of the women involved in the war who gave birth in July. He's even put up an enormous chart in his chambers where he's got all of your names and how many times you've defied him. As soon as that number reaches three, he'll come after you."

Lily frowned. "Sev, James and I have both fought in half a dozen battles before Harry was born. Yes, for two of them I wasn't actually physically fighting but I helped plan most of it. So if we don't count those, then we've still 'defied' him three times."

Severus shook his head. "No, you hadn't. You weren't defying him, you were protecting people he was trying to kill. That's not the same thing. You weren't the official targets."

Lily frowned. "But that means that none of the battles really count, right? So we have nothing to worry about. Especially from now on since either James or I will be staying at home."

He leaned forward. "This is why you have to be extra vigilant from now on. I can only think of one other occasion in which you and Potter both directly defied him, and that was during the July massacres."

Even though the slaughter of the hundreds of innocent women and children hadn't actually occurred exclusively in July, all the aurors and the headmaster and anybody else who knew that pregnant women due in July had been targetted (even if they didn't know about the prophecy) had started calling the weeks of senseless killing as the July massacres. The name eventually spread and historians eventually also started using the name to officially describe the strange weeks during which Lord Voldemort obsessively hunted pregnant women.

"Alright, that one I'll give you. That was once. And that wasn't only me. What about the Longbottoms? And the Nellys?"

"That's why you have to be careful, Evans. He's keeping his eyes on all of you, waiting to see which one of you will directly defy him three times. He's going to start going after aurors and ministry workers specifically. You have to—"

"Make sure we kick their rearends into next week? Of course, Sev—"

He mentally sighed at her Gryffindor attitude. But, he couldn't very well hold that against her. She was what she was.

"No, Evans. That's the point. If you and James are both there and both fight and win, then you'll have another checkmark placed against you."

"But if we don't fight, then we'll end up dead."

"Exactly. So you have to make sure that you two aren't together when you're being specifically targetted."

She nodded and shrugged. "Alright."

"Evans, you aren't taking this seriously. You have to try to avoid getting two more checkmarks against your name, or he will come and try to kill that little brat of yours."

She stared at him and for the first time, her eyes darkened and she looked scared. "This really isn't just some sick joke, Sev, is it?"

"No. Even if it was, he's not taking it as a joke, and that's the only motivation you need to take this seriously. He'll kill you whether you try to protect yourself or not. All you can do is try to stay one step ahead of fate."

"But Sev, if—if Harry's the chosen one, then no matter what James and I do, we'll end up defying him three times anyway, right? I mean, you can't just try to mess around with fate. It'll do what it'll do regardless of what we do."

"Just because you can't defy it doesn't mean you can't be prepared to deal with it, Evans. As long as you're careful and keep track of such things, then by the time you've reached three, we'll put you back into hiding and you'll be fine."

She nodded and they fell into silence. He glanced at her bottle and she slid it across the table at him. He took a sip and then slid it back across to her. She grabbed for it but missed and the bottle fell onto the floor with a crash, glass shards and beer covering the floor.

They both stared at the mess before Lily sighed. "Shit. I hate this," she murmured, taking out her wand to clean it up.

Severus sighed, heartily agreeing with her. He stared out of the grimy window beside him, trying to quell the fear within him. He was scared for her. This was fate they were talking about. It wasn't something he could protect her from. But, he was a Slytherin. Just because they couldn't deal with the primary problem didn't mean there was nothing they could do. What would come would come and he couldn't stop it, but he would do everything he could to keep her safe. Both her and her family.

Oct. 3rd, 1980

The Dark Manor

Gasping for breath and his pulse thudding in his ears, he spun around and deflected another curse and then lowered himself to the ground and erected a shield around himself, keeping a wary eye on the hovering blue sphere. He felt another build up of magic and held his breath as he forced himself to stand up and deflect it properly.

Then the deep gong rang through the hall and he lowered his stinging arm and stood up straight, waiting for the cubes to be opened. When the wards fizzled and were lowered, he stepped out, his chest heaving and sweat streaming down his face.

Keeping his eyes forward, he waited patiently while master leaned down and asked Nagini to repeat herself and then smiled and laughed for a moment before calling for the next group.

Severus stumbled out of the room, groaning at the stiffness and cramps in his body. Wiping sweat off his forehead, he glanced around for Bella, knowing she had gone in with him.

He saw her leaning against the wall further down the corridor, hunched over and vomiting all over the ground.

Sighing, he hurried over to her and waited until she was finished.

With a grimace, she turned around and slid down the wall, sitting in her vomit with her legs sprawled out. Her face was pale and covered in sweat and she squeezed her eyes shut as she rubbed her stomach.

"Bella, come on. Let's get you back into my room."

"I'm fine, Sevvie. Besides, we've got to start dueling in a few minutes."

"You're not fine, you're sitting in puke, Bella. And we don't start dueling practice for another half an hour. That's plenty of time."

Reaching down, he ignored the sour stench coming from her robes and grabbed hold of her and hauled her up.

Covered in sweat and ignoring his own painraked body, he slowly stumbled down the corridor, hardly noticing the smell coming from his bondmate.

"I told you you shouldn't train today, Bella," he murmured quietly as he reached his room and stumbled inside.

"I had to, Sevvie. I didn't want to disappoint master."

Severus made some sound of agreement and lowered her onto his bed. Gorgon hurried over and helped him stretch her onto the bed.

"Is Miss Bella still feeling nauseous?" Gorgon asked gently.

Bella sighed and closed her eyes as the old elf gently cleaned the vomit off her face, clothes and hair. "My tummy's all roily-toily, Gorgon," she murmured with a grimace.

Severus was at his worktable, pulling a bunch of potion flasks off the shelves and carefully measuring out the correct dosages of each. Pouring them into a goblet, he swirled it around and then brought it back to Bella.

"Alright. Drink it all down."

She took it and Severus held her up as she quickly took a breath and swallowed the vile tasting potion. She started coughing once she was done and Gorgon reached forward and sent a stream of healing energy into her to keep the dry heaves at bay which would make her vomit the medicine back up again.

Severus gently kept her sitting up with his arms around her as he softly murmured to her.

"Sevvie, I feel sleepy."

"Then go to sleep. I'll wake you up in twenty minutes."

Gently, he laid her down and pulled his blanket up to her chin. Helping Gorgon clean up the potion flasks, he sat down on the bed beside her and leaned against the headboard, waiting to feel the sting of his mark telling him it was time to go to the dueling chamber.

XXXXXX

"Wands," the female espionage master, Alexandra Jugson, demanded in a bored voice as Bella and him came to a stop before her in the middle of the large room. They both handed theirs over. She shot them both looks of pure distaste as she took the wands between her fingertips as if they were a source of some disease. A burst of resentment shot through Severus and was immediately transferred to his wand, which sparked and burned her fingers. With a cry, she dropped them both to the ground. Snapping her fingers, she glared at Severus and Bella, who were both staring back at her with defiant faces. She slowly transferred her glare to the two wands still lying on the floor, not having moved when she snapped her finger. She snapped again and even muttered the summoning charm at them, but the two wands remained where they were. Hissing an oath at them both, she leaned over and picked up the two wands.

Bella stuck her tongue out at the back of her head while she put her hair up.

"Stuck up bitch," Severus murmured and Bella snorted in agreement.

Jugson had stormed over to Goyle and Mulciber, who they were going to be dueling against.

"Goyle's a clumsy fool, but his curses have power behind them, Bella. They're easy to dodge but don't disregard him. If he hits you, then you're out."

She nodded. "I know, I know, Sevvie. And Mulciber's weak on his left side and he spends too much time on defense rather than offense."

When Jugson left the dueling floor, the two sets of partners squared up to each other, feet planted and arms raised in dueling poses. Lord Voldemort sat in his chair, resting his chin on his hands and staring back and forth between the two sets of dueling partners, assessing their readiness and waiting to see if any of them would be weak and foolish enough to even allow their eyes to dart to the floor and away from their opponents for even a moment or allow their arms to drop slightly. The room was absolutely silent as the four duelists stood there, bodies tense with anticipation. Their eyes constantly darted between their two opponents, not dropping their guard for even a moment.

Finally, Lord Voldemort smiled and waved his hands dismissively. "Begin," he said, leaning back in his chair and raising a shield around himself.

Immediately, all four duelists struck, their shouts mingling as flashes of different color light flew through the air. That was the last moment they stood facing each other.

From then on, they were constantly moving through the haze of shouted curses and streams of magic, fire and electricity. They deflected curses with their marks and immediately hurled other curses after them, then ducked out of the way as they felt their partner readying another curse from behind them. As soon as it was gone, they straightened again and shot up to the ceiling as their partner followed them, positioning themselves in one of the many formations they had learned and practiced for hours on end. They didn't speak to their partner at all, knowing exactly what they would do before they did it. The trick to dueling wasn't to throw random curses at your opponents, the trick was to actually duel. The movements, habits and abilities of your opponents had to be taken into account and these could be used to easily inform Severus that Goyle was about to throw another cruciatus at him when he turned his body a certain way and moved his hands in a way which clearly indicated what spell he was readying. Anticipation wasn't the only trick. Another important factor was knowing your partner. Being able to know where they were at all times and being able to determine whether Mulciber's intestine engorgement hex would make a direct impact with Bella given her current location or not. Knowing that, it was imperative to only move in predetermined dueling formations which they had practiced and learned. Running in circles around the dueling chamber would only result in confusing your partner and making them lose focus. But Severus knew as soon as Bella levitated and stretched out her arms and let out a stream of sparkling electricity, that she would fly over their opponents and land on the other side on about two seconds. He had time to throw up a protective shield around himself until Bella landed and then they simulatenously threw the same curse, hitting Goyle and Mulciber from both sides.

There were many other little bits of hard learned wisdom which all good duelists learned after long hours of practice. Attack first and defend later. You hadn't won until you had removed every last possibility your opponent had to attack you again. Of course, the most important rule was that there was no such thing as fair. Hesitation before casting a vicious curse could be the moment which cost you your life, and only a fool would believe that your opponent would regret that final curse for even a moment.

As Severus spun through the air and managed to avoid the complete impact of Goyle's curse, he stopped and quickly realized he wasn't at a good angle to hit either opponent, so he threw two curses to Bella, who deflected them in the proper direction and nailed both Goyle and Mulciber.

Triumph gleamed in her eyes for only a moment before she stumbled. It wasn't enough of a stumble to attract the Dark Lord's attention, but Severus had seen it.

She was weakening. Damn it, she was too ill to duel but too damn stubborn to admit it. No, that wasn't right. She was too damn devoted to their master to allow illness to stand in her way of making him happy.

The momentary concern for his bondmate caused him to lose concentration and he found himself slammed in the gut by a vicious cutting hex and he felt blood spraying out of his stomach. Not bothering to fix himself yet, he threw back a few good, strong curses and only when Mulciber dropped to his knees for a moment did Severus dare to clumsily seal the wound, not wanting to bleed to death right here.

Bella was slowing down. He could see her reflexes were getting slower and clumsier.

Desperate to keep up their advantage, he started attacking harder, not caring that he was wasting his energy and that he might lose his future advantage.

It was just his luck that Bella managed to slam Goyle onto his back the exact same moment that Severus threw a bone crusher hex at Mulciber's knee caps, bringing the man to his knees with a crash and that two moments later, Nagini raised her head and the duel was over.

Severus hurried over to Bella and helped her stumble out of the dueling chamber.

"You damn idiot! Why the hell did you fight? You can barely stand! You're just damn lucky we weren't fighting Lucius or Travers or somebody a bit more competent than those two morons," He muttered between clenched teeth as he grabbed their two wands from Jugson's outstretched arms and then forced Bella to stay conscious long enough to reach his room.


	25. Chapter 25

Path of Shaded Light

Chapter 25

'Any fool can be honest, for it is only what he knows. A wise man is aware of when to share the truth.'

- Andromeda, 'The Right Horse'

Oct. 6th, 1980

Wimbleton

The fading sunset still stung his eyes as he sharply turned Xira into an alleyway, following Bella's Thestral as they chased two ministry officials down the street. Their Thestrals' hooves clattered over the pavement and shouts and explosions echoed around them as the day gradually faded into night, completely oblivious to the deadly struggle occurring in the small town.

Sensing a presence behind him, he glanced at his mark, saw the eyes were glowing blue and he stuck his arm behind himself and deflected the curse just as it came close enough to knock him off Xira. Glancing over his shoulder for a moment, he sent two curses flying at the aurors chasing him and they dropped.

Moments later, he heard a scream of triumph from Bella as she threw one official clean over the building beside them and blasted off the head of the other.

Sweating and adjusting the mask over his face, Severus squinted through the incoming darkness and dust. Bella had pulled her Thestral to a stop and was leaning over it's neck, her mask pulled up as she vomited.

Swearing, Severus pulled up beside her and rummaged in his cloak with his gloved hands until he found the vial he was looking for. Handing it to her and helping her clean off her face, he kept a wary eye around himself for any attackers.

Bella gulped down the potion and then stayed still for several moments, taking deep breaths.

"Ready?"

She nodded and clenched her jaw as she pulled her mask back down and wrapped her hands in her Thestral's mane.

Not waiting for an answer, Severus yanked Xira around and took off down the street. He didn't like being alone with Bella like this. If they could find one or two others then they could attack in a pack and Bella's illness wouldn't put her and him in such danger.

As they raced down the street, Severus felt his mark burning and frowned as he scanned around. He noticed only a moment too late that the mark was detecting a presence from above him. Before he had a chance to aim at the roof, he felt himself being picked up and thrown off of Xira, his entire body engulfed by pain. He slammed into a wall and nearly passed out when his head hit the cement, but managed to stay conscious enough to put up his mark and deflect the two curses coming his way. He quickly spat off a few of his own hexes. Attack first, defend later.

He heard an enraged scream coming from Bella and saw her levitating herself up onto the roof. From the screams of outrage and grunts of pain and the distance reflections of magical streams dancing across the wall opposite him, he knew they were locked in a duel.

He pushed himself up and quickly grit his teeth as he forced himself to levitate up. He came up behind the auror, who was too intent on Bella to notice his presence. Smirking, Severus shot out a stream of electricity at him which engulfed him and the man started convulsing before falling off the building. The moment before he had fallen, he had managed to spit off one last curse—a damn hard cutter hex—which caught Bella right across her chest. She didn't cry out but merely took a surprised step backwards—and promptly stumbled off the edge of the roof.

"Bella!" Severus cried out, throwing a strand of magic after her and feeling it snagging her. He was yanked onto his stomach by her weight and was nearly dragged off too, but managed to hang on, his arms outstretched as his hands clenched into fists, determined not to release the magic.

Slowly, he lowered her to the ground and then levitated himself down too. Checking for any imminent dangers, he hurried over to her still form.

Her breathing was shallow and hurried and her eyes were glazed over, both from the illness and the hex. Blood was gushing out of her chest and soaking her robe and cloak and coating Severus' hands as he examined her. Severus quickly put his hands over her chest and muttered one of the sealing charms his elf had taught him. The blood flow slowed a bit but didn't diminish. Damn, he needed Fawkes!

He glanced around wildly, but knew the phoenix was with the headmaster. Still, he might get here in time.

"_Fawkes! Fawkes! Damn you, bird! Can you hear me? I need help_!" He screamed in his mind as his hands tried to stem the blood flow, panic engulfing him.

"Bella, Bella, you're going to be fine, alright? You're going to be fine. You just have to hang on a bit," he murmured, holding her head in his lap and taking off her mask.

She gave a small cough and gave him a smile. "Sevvie, I was clumsy. Clumsy, clumsy, clumsy. I should have seen that one coming."

"Yes, you should have and I'm sure master will have his fair share of things to say about that, but first we have to get you out of here."

She looked confused. "Sevvie, you know we have to leave the wounded behind. It's the rules. I'm wounded so you must leave me behind."

He gently levitated her and scanned the alleyway. "Don't be ridiculous. I'm not leaving you behind." He heard Xira niggering at him and he saw she was nosing an open door which had been damaged by a few good curses. He hurried over and shoved the door open and gently lowered Bella to the floor in the tiny storage room.

"But—"

"No buts. I'm not leaving you behind. We get out of this together or not at all."

She smiled at him. "You remembered."

"Of course I did. And you were the one who made me make that promise if I recall."

She smiled and closed her eyes. "I'm sleepy now, Sevvie. I want to go to sleep."

He shook her and swore at her. "Don't you dare!"

"_Fawkes! Where the hell are you_!"

"_I'm right here! Keep your socks on! What on earth happened to Bella_?"

"_What do you think happened to her? She took a cutting hex right in the stomach. She's bleeding out. Hurry up and do something_."

"_Alright, hold your hands over the wound—yes, that's it. Alright, let's see what I can do_."

A red glow emanated out of Severus' shaking hands and nearly lifted Bella off the ground. After a few moments, Severus lowered his hands and examined her wound through her scorched robe.

"The bleeding's stopped. You should be alright until we can get out of here." He gently smoothed a strand of dirty hair off her face and she smiled sleepily, glad that the bird thing had made her feel better. She was pretty sure Sevvie hadn't meant to forget to close their bond before talking to his strange friend, but she was too sleepy to ask him about it. Besides, they never dared to talk about their secret.

Severus laid her onto the floor and told her to stay quiet and that he would go out and keep an eye on their Thestrals and the alleyway until the battle was over.

He pushed himself up and gently closed the door behind him. He crouched down beside a dumpster and held up his mark, constantly scanning the area around him.

He had been so busy paying attention to his surroundings that he never heard Bella sigh sleepily and then murmur 'Thank you, bird' to herself before falling asleep.

XXXXXX

The pain in his body had started to dull. Although whether this was due to the fact that he was barely conscious or the fact that some of the wounds on his back had started healing was beyond him.

He had no idea how long he had hung suspended from the ceiling by chains around his wrists after the flogging.

Groggily, he raised his head a bit and glanced around himself. Hundreds of others hung by their wrists, naked and their backs bleeding from the lashes. Some of them were quietly crying or moaning from the pain, but some like Severus were quiet, probably thinking about why they had been punished and where they had gone wrong.

They had lost. Not abysmally. It had been close, but they had still lost. The headmaster and Severus had spent long nights trying to decide exactly how many troops to sent to the two diversionary places master had planned and how many to sent to the actual engagement. There was also the issue of how to explain the presence of so many Light fighters showing up at Wimbleton when nobody but Death Eaters were supposed to have known about its designation as a target. But, after long hours of planning, they had managed to cobble together a string of brilliant plans and back-up plans, all of which had served for a defeat for the Dark side.

Needless to say, master had not been pleased. The headmaster's plans had been creative enough not to implicate Severus as having divulged any information he wasn't supposed to, but that didn't mean the Dark Lord didn't have other sources of irritation where Severus was concerned.

One of the larger irritations for him seemed to be the capture of Igor Karkaroff. After puzzling it over—since Karkaroff had never been a very important individual—Severus finally realized it wasn't Karkaroff's capture which upset the Dark Lord, but rather, the method in which he was captured, which he decided to blame solely on Severus. It seemed that Karkaroff had been pursued by five aurors, all of whom were aware of his identity. This was due to the simple fact that Auror Alastor Moody had been on his tail for six months after Nickleton had cracked in Azkaban and told on him before dying, and that Karkaroff's mask had slipped and one of the aurors had recognized him. They had chased him down the exact same alleyway in which Severus and Bella had hid and he had run right past that storage room. Severus hadn't seen him or been able to help him because he had been tending to Bella.

In the Dark Lord's eyes, this was inexcusable. Not only had Severus' concern for Bella's well being lead to Karkaroff's capture—in itself, not an enormous loss—but Severus had disobeyed direct orders to leave wounded behind. Even Bella's vehement protests that she had forced and threatened Severus to stay with her made no difference to Lord Voldemort's rage.

So, while everybody was severly punished for the defeat, the Dark Lord decided that Severus would go through twice of what everybody else did, since he seemed to enjoy doing things for Bella so much that he could take her punishment as well. Not that Bella wasn't punished, after all, she hadn't managed to avoid that cutting hex. Fawkes had declared that this made no sense, but Severus didn't really care whether it made sense. It meant he was getting punished. The reasons behind it were really irrelevant.

Nov. 4th, 1980

Hogwarts School

She threw up a shield in front of her, desperate to block the stream of magic sizzling through the air at her. At the last moment, she realized the spell had been thrown on a curve and would cleanly sail past her shield. For a moment, she stood there, completely dismayed before the spell lifted her off her feet, flipped her head over heels and then sent her slamming onto the ground.

She landed with a grunt, lying motionless on the ground, her breaths coming in gasps and her arms shock from exertion. She heard the slow approach of shoes and glanced through two strands of red hair and saw the dusty, well worn boots and frayed edges of a cloak which had seen too much weather and too many curses.

She bit her lip, wanting to say something sarcastic but knew that Sev wasn't in a good mood and wouldn't have been impressed with her performance. It was best not to joke too much with him when he was in these moods.

She felt herself being roughly flipped over and then felt the tip of a wand pressed to her throat.

"Consider yourself dead, Evans." The quiet voice spat down at her before the wand was yanked away and Severus strode away from her.

He came to a stop and then whirled back around. "What the hell is your problem?" He yelled.

Lily sighed and wearily got to her feet, brushing her hair out of her face.

"I put up a shield, Sev. I just didn't anticipate the direction of the spell—"

"What the hell is one of the most important rules!" He snarled at her.

She glared, hating to be asked the same thing day after day. "Anticipation."

"Which means what?"

"Don't treat me like a damn child, Sev!"

"Don't act like one then!"

"I'm not! I'm tired and sore and this is too damn hard! Auror training is nothing like this!"

"And that's why hundreds of your fantastically trained aurors are killed in every battle. Surely, it is obvious to anybody that auror dueling training is both efficient and good enough!"

"We won the last one," she snarled, having been stung by the remarks.

He glared. "That last minimal victory counts for nothing when compared to the disastrous defeats your wonderfully prepared side has been drowned in since this war began!"

She felt her anger well up inside of her. Without thinking, she pointed her wand at him and hurled a hex at him. He easily deflected it, not having taken his eyes off her wand tip and her face, waiting to see when she would be angry enough to strike.

She quickly threw another hex, changing the angle of it. Severus blocked it too and sent back retaliatory hits. Before she could strike back, he sent out a stream of constant, quick jinxes, slowly advancing on her as she conjuring up shield after shield after shield and walked steadily backwards.

Finally, Severus threw a powerful curse at her, knowing the shield would protect her from it but the force of it caused Lily to fall backwards and against the wall, her shield fizzling out.

Once again, she was on the floor, breathing hard and staring up at the darkly robed figure standing before her, his wand tip at her throat.

"Why did you keep retreating, Evans?"

She licked her dry lips. "I was defending myself."

"By retreating? Exactly how far back were you planning on going before you had defended me to death?"

"Fuck you," she muttered, exhausted. She'd only gotten back into training a short while ago, and even then, her training had never been as exhausting, difficult and draining as these sessions she had ironically begged Sev for.

She closed her eyes as she heard him walking away from her. "What's another important rule?"

"I don't know."

He glared across the room at her and struck out at the wall behind her with a fist. A wave of dark magic swept over her and slammed into the wall, out of which chunks of dry wall flew out. She jumped slightly and her eyes flew open from the violence and anger in the motion but then calmed down, knowing he would never intentionally hurt her.

"Then I'll end up tripping over your mutilated corpse at the next battle."

She glared at him, closing her eyes again and thinking about what Sev wanted from her. She had been defending herself, but also retreating. She should have advanced, but without losing her defence. Shield with one hand and throw a curse with another. Evans smirked inwardly. Sev had made it sound and look as easy as summoning a book, but she lacked the coordination and concentration to get it down pat. Sev hadn't given a damn that she had absolutely zero confidence that she would be able to do this, but Sev had insisted that she practice until her head was spinning and she couldn't move anymore. Even now after days of intense practice, she still couldn't knock Sev on his ass, but she was improving.

"I spent too much time defending. Attack first, defend later."

"Exactly. Now, get up and we'll start again." He turned and strode away from her.

She shakily got to her feet and then grit her teeth. She needed to do this properly this time.

Taking deep breaths, she mentally prepared herself for the attack, carefully watching Sev's body language and facial expression—not that there was anything there which would give away his intentions, but she could never let her guard down—and waiting for him to strike.

Severus watched her watching him and he smirked inwardly. Good, she was finally starting to take this seriously. Whether she had asked him for dueling lessons because she wanted to be the best auror possible, or whether she was preparing herself for battles was irrelevant to Severus. As long as he could train her to survive, he didn't care what motivated her. He still shuddered at the thought of Evans trying to fight off Bella or Avery single-handedly, but she had sworn to him never to go anywhere alone and not to provoke any Death Eater when they came after her. He knew she wouldn't really listen but knowing that she was actually taking training seriously and was making improvement did make him sleep slightly better at night.

Nov. 10th, 1980

Hogwarts School

He flicked his hand at the chair before the headmaster's desk, which obediently moved backwards and he dumped Evans into it before she fell onto the floor.

Dumbledore chuckled softly. "Intense training, Mrs. Potter?"

She rolled her eyes without actually opening them. "More like sadistic training, sir. I can't believe Lord High and Mighty makes people go through this day after day."

Severus rolled his eyes too. "One develops strength and stamina, Evans, two things you have only minimal amounts of."

"Yeah, yeah. Sorry we don't all go to Death Eater school. Not all of us need to learn how to blast the head off our enemy and how to eat it afterwards."

Severus sighed with irritation. "Quit being disgusting and sit up straight. I don't have much time and we have way too much to do."

The headmaster brought out his usual map and spread it onto the table. Severus leaned over it and pointed at the small town of Trelley.

"Trelley, sir."

"Do we know why?"

Severus shrugged. "He wants an easy victory after Wimbleton, sir. It's purely for his ego, not for a tactical advantage."

"Typical," Evans murmured, having opened her eyes with difficulty and trying to focus on the tiny print of the map.

"Once again he doesn't want anybody knowing about it, sir. He wants to race in there, destroy everything and leave behind leering Dark Marks in the sky."

Evans' eyes darkened and the headmaster frowned. Severus pushed down his own anger at the useless waste of time master was planning with Trelley. Mass murder committed for no reason. He despised it. If the town were of strategic importance than Severus could justify in a small way what they would do, but razing the town and its inhabitants to the ground for a simple ego boost wasn't justifiable any way he looked at it.

"Alright. So we'll approach this the same way we did Wimbleton. Mrs. Potter, I want you to organize a small, magical disturbance in Trelley on the given day."

"What kind of disturbance, sir?"

"Anything, really. Charmed cars, walking clothes, anything which would immediately draw the ministry's attention. You will of course be on hand to ensure the disturbance is quickly noticed by the MLE."

Severus was nodding. "It is imperative that the MLE officials not know they were set up. It will make their reaction much more believable when they find themselves suddenly surrounded by Death Eaters."

Evans was nodding. "So some MLE officials show up at Trelley and start arguing with the inhabitants in order to find out who was behind the disturbance."

"The argument should last quite a while since everybody will naturally deny any involvemet."

"Right. But if we have a few MLE officials on hand and a townful of quiet wizarding folk, they still don't stand a damn chance if hundreds of Death Eaters show up."

Severus leaned forward and threw a copy of the Daily Prophet on the table which he had picked up before coming to Hogwarts.

"Read it."

She frowned and skimmed the article. Apparently, Walter Nickleton—the Death Eater caught two years before and who had just recently died in Azkaban— hadn't only squealed on Igor Karkaroff. He had admitted to visiting the home of Gordon Velance and his wife, both of whom were apparently active Death Eaters. The article claimed he had given aurors detailed descriptions of where they lived and that aurors were investigating the matter.

She glanced up at Severus, who was trying to hide a smirk. It had taken him, Gorgon and Fawkes hours of work to put this all together.

"I don't get it, Sev. Who the hell are the Velances and how does some fingerpointing help us?"

"It helps us, my dear Evans, because the location Nickleton apparently gave them happens to be very close to Trelley. As a pure coincidence, the aurors will be going there to do some more investigating on the very day of the battle. They'll undoubtly detect the dark magic coming from Trelley and they'll receive the frantic distress signal from the MLE officials and will be able to respond and call for reinforcements."

The headmaster had leaned back, smiling proudly at Severus. The plan really was brilliant.

"Sev, it's hogwash. Nickleton didn't rat on the Velances, I read and stored away his file."

"The Velances don't even exist, Evans."

"Then why the hell is anybody going after them?"

"You remember when I asked you for Nickleton's file?"

"Yeah. You only had it for like ten minutes."

"Ten minutes is plenty of time if you know what to do with it. I added in a few crucial details such as the Velances information and where they were located. Then I took the liberty of writing an article for the Prophet, which happened to exclude the exact location of their home. So nobody knows aurors will be there except for the aurors themselves."

He couldn't help but smirk at her raised eyebrows. Gorgon, Fawkes and him were getting more and more creative with these insane plans, always making sure not to forget any angles and to plan for all possibilities. He knew master had read the article and had laughed himself silly at the aurors who were simply chasing their own tails. Well, he could laugh all he wanted, but when those same aurors would show up at Trelley to help fight, he'd hopefully stop laughing. There was no way Severus—or anybody else for that matter—could have known about the aurors location before hand, so there would be no way to have warned their master before hand. As for the disturbance in Trelley, magical incidences happened all the time all over the world and master wouldn't think anything of it.

He couldn't help but feel proud of himself. They had done a damn good job, and even if this battle meant another victory for the Dark Lord, they had done their best to even out the odds, and really, that was all anybody could expect of them.

Nov. 21st, 1980

Trelley

There was utter chaos around her the moment she apparated into the small town, the rest of her team right behind her, having just left behind the abandoned barn which hadn't had any livestock living in it for years, never mind two current Death Eaters.

People were running madly around, screaming and yelling at each other, clutching belongings and children to them. She ignored them and took out her dark detector, scanning around herself. It lit up as it pointed down the street, and through the haze of explosions and screams she heard the familiar sound of hooves clattering across pavement.

They were coming. She spun around. "Alright, we have to get into defensive positions and then attack as soon as they're within range. Attack as much as you can and only defend when you have a spare moment. Alice, try to get everybody to hide in their basements or apparate away somewhere."

Alice nodded and sprinted down the street, hollering for two aurors to come and help her as they started grabbing random people and calming them down long enough to get them to run or apparate to safety.

Lily fumbled in her robe pocket and pulled out a flat stone. Rubbing its shiny surface, she squinted into it.

"Auror Moody!" She screamed into it, trying to be heard above the noise. While she yelled, she hurried over to a sidestreet and pulled out her wand, keeping her eyes around it. Sev would never forgive her if she got herself shot in the back while screaming into a rock.

"Auror Moody!" Finally, his face appeared in the stone. He understood what was going on by one look at her. "Where?"

"Trelley," she gasped out before putting the rock back into her pocket. She saw the first group of black clad riders tearing around the far corner. She took careful aim but didn't fire yet. Only give away your position if you have a few guaranteed hits lined up, Sev had drilled into her head years before when they had encountered Mrs. Norris in the corridors while sneaking around in the dead of the night.

As they rode closer, magic streaming from their fingers and wands and slamming into buildings and people, she patiently waited, pushing down her fear.

Finally, they were close enough and she took aim at the closest one. She threw a curse at him and his Thestral too and both went down. The riders beside him were fine but the ones behind him tripped over the fallen Thestral and Death Eater and went down with oaths. Smirking to herself, Lily straightened and took aim at the fallen Death Eaters, quickly stunning them. Never leave your enemy any means of attacking you once you have them on the ground.

She was so busy smirking that she barely registered the spell coming from behind her. Quickly, she flattened herself to the ground and then threw a random hex over her shoulder. It hit the roof beside her and some roof tiles rained down on her. Get up! Get up! She hissed at herself, flipping over and letting out a barrage of spells at the figure bearing down on her, the rider's Thestral snorting.

She pushed herself up and sent off two more spells, but her aim was off and she heard the rider laugh shrilly as both of them missed.

Suddenly, the women threw a ball of magic at her and Lily barely conjured up a shield strong enough to block it. Before her shield had a chance to fizzle, she threw another curse back and then another one. The woman deflected them both but had stopped laughing.

"Oh, so the little mudblood knows how to play, hm?" The voice sneered at her.

Lily glared at her and lifted her chin. In response, she threw another curse at her, which was quickly countered. The woman laughed again as she flipped off her Thestral and faced Lily.

Lily didn't wait for her to get comfortable. Sev's words rang in her mind as she threw spell after spell and did her best to duck and deflect anything coming her way. She was much slower than her opponent, but she was keeping up. She had to resist the urge to shield herself and draw back as her mind was screaming at her, but knew that the woman wouldn't back off if she retreated. She too wouldn't leave her enemy any chance to get her in the back.

They dueled for what seemed like a long time until the woman paused momentarily, having caught one of Lily's spells in her bare hand and whirling the magic around.

"Hm, I'm getting bored of this. Let's make it interesting."

Taking the magic, she muttered some dark spells Lily didn't recognize and the ball of magic in her hands glowed dark red and then the woman threw it at Lily, who conjured up a shield, but watched in disbelief as it sailed right through it and slammed into her.

She felt a knife stabbing her right in the stomach and she choked and coughed on the blood suddenly spewing out of her mouth. She found herself flat on her back.

Get up! You're going to die flat on your back in the middle of an alleyway! She tried forming the words to another curse, but her throat was too full of blood.

She heard the triumphant scream of her opponent and heard her stalking towards her, before she heard a harsh voice screaming clear down the alleyway.

"Bella! For fuck's sake! Where the hell have you been!" A rush of hope went through Lily. That was Sev. Sev would save her.

Her opponent didn't take her eyes off Lily but sighed. "I got bored waiting there, Sev."

"We were ordered to keep a lookout three streets down, Bella, not run around and behave like impatient children!" He spat, not sparing a glance down at the wounded auror.

Lily's eyes widened. Sev, help me! Just kill her and help me!

"Nothing happened, Sevvie!"

"Nothing happened! Dolohov was taken prisoner about five minutes ago and master will have our heads if we don't get back there and start picking off the reinforcements which arrived a few minutes ago, which, by the way, wouldn't have even gotten into town if we would have stayed at the lookout point!"

He spun his Thestral around. "Come on, already!"

Lily stared at the crazed dark eyes behind the mask and saw a hint of sadness in them. "I want to take her with me, Sevvie!"

No! Please no! Sev, don't let her! She coughed on a mouthful of blood and tried holding onto her wand but her grip was weakening.

"Bella, we don't have time for this!"

Bella continued to fuss about it and sounded close to tears. Severus muttered an oath and hopped off Xira and strode over to Evans.

His heart was in his throat when he saw the blood and the vicious cutting hex which had sliced into her stomach.

He dared not bend down to her but prodded her with his boot. "She wouldn't last the return journey, Bella. She's bleeding out." He had to get Bella out of here quickly and hope that Evans would have the sense to contact help. He glanced her over and saw a flat stone lying on the ground beside her, having fallen out of her cloak. He recognized the auror communications device and knew she would be fine if they just left her.

"Then fix her!" Came the whiny plea.

Severus seemed to spend a moment wavering and then sighed loudly as if this was such a waste of time and bent over her. Using his wand and his hands, Evans felt a warm glow run through her and felt the blood slowly receeding from her lungs and the burn in her stomach lessened.

She sighed with relief. She was so damn exhausted that she wanted nothing more than to lie here, but she realized Sev wouldn't risk his own neck by openly defending her unless he absolutely had to. She grit her teeth as anger and fear filled her. She was lying on the damn ground, being utterly useless while Sev and James, and little Harry all needed her to fight. And fight damn hard.

For a moment, she lay still, tensing her body and casually tightening her grip on her wand. Then she struck, punching Sev in the face with one fist while her other hand sent a curse fueled by hatred and fear at Bella.

Both of them hadn't expected the attack and reeled back. Lily scrambled to her feet and stumbled down the alleyway, dodging curses and throwing anything she could over her shoulder.

She heard the enraged scream of disappointment and anger echo down the street, but she didn't stop, constantly moving, watching and firing. She made a promise to herself as she darted down the street. She would never ever end up flat on her back with her wand hanging uselessly by her side again, because next time, she knew it wouldn't be Sev who happened to find her.


	26. Chapter 26

Path of Shaded Light

Chapter 26

Author's Note: I hope everybody is enjoying our last few precious weeks of summer vacation! Thank you for the awesome reviews, they always bring a goofy smile to my face. I wanted to address two quick points which reviewers brought up. First of all, Patty, I have always loved your thought provoking questions and have missed them. Please feel free to ask me any questions you want and if you leave me an email address, I would be very glad to respond to them. That goes for anybody else as well, of course. Also, in the light of HBP, some people have been putting this story into the AU category. Rest assured, it's not. I realize I've made some obvious mistakes (such as which DE overheard the prophecy in the Hog's Head), but I don't think this will have much of an impact on the story. I will be sticking to canon as much as possible and will remain true to all six books. I will have to change some events (such as Bella and Sev's relationship, of course) but I will try to stick to the true canon as much as possible. Enjoy the next parts and enjoy the rest of summer!

'Every human being on this Earth is born with a tragedy, and it isn't original sin. He's born with the tragedy that he has to grow up. A lot of people don't have the courage to do it.'

- Helen Hayes

Nov. 23rd, 1980

The Dark Manor

"_Bella, quit that damn humming or I'll reach over and stop it permanently_!"

The humming stopped abruptly. "_Sevvie, are you still mad at me_?"

He sighed inwardly. "_We both know that if you hadn't gone tearing after that little auror hag then the reinforcement wave couldn't have gotten through and we wouldn't have been punished. So, no, I don't see any reason why I shouldn't be angry with you_."

"_Well, well you didn't let me take her with me so I'm—I'm angry with you too_."

He rolled his eyes behind his mask, keeping his head low to the ground so master wouldn't see it. Not that he would notice, standing by his fire and sipping from a tall wineglass as they waited for all the masters to assemble.

"_Fine. Be angry. I don't care_."

With a resounding thud, he felt her slam her mind shut and cutting off their bond.

Finally, Macnair hurried into the room, trying to appear discreet as he joined the circle and slid onto his knees and then prostrated himself. He had actually managed to do it very quietly and smoothly. Severus was impressed. However, after years of smoothly dropping to the floor on your face at a moments notice, one got good at it.

The Dark Lord placed his wineglass onto the mantle and then slowly turned around, surveying them all.

"One of our number is missing tonight," He said quietly, sounding truly distressed by it.

None of them needed him to say who was missing. Masters were hardly ever taken prisoner since they generally rode with packs of their assistants surrounding them and used them as cannon fodder. Severus had always distanced himself from Dolohov before battles so he wouldn't be roped into staying by his side, just like Bella did from Macnair. He found it unbelievably cowardly to force people to stay by your side and absorb any threats which were aimed at you. But that was beside the point. Since Dolohov's capture at Trelley a few days ago, the potions assistants had been thrown into chaos. Nobody knew what assignments to finish, what to hand in, who to bring progress reports to, who to get new ingredients from and they all generally acted as if they had been rendered incompetent without Dolohov.

Severus just wished master would hurry up and name his new potions master so some sort of order could be restored amongst his collegues.

"I have taken very much time trying to come up with a suitable candidate to fulfill the position of potions master and I have come up with my final decision on the matter."

The masters shifted ever so slightly. This had never been a democracy, but that still didn't stop them from being anxious every time their master decided something like this by himself without asking for anybody else's opinion. Severus snorted softly. If master wanted to make a decision without anybody else's input, then that was his own business and they had no right to be irritated by it.

"Severus Snape will be my new potions master."

He felt as if the ground had come up and slammed him in the face. What?

The Dark Lord walked back up to the mantle and swirled the remainders of his wine around the glass, staring into the depths as if searching for some hidden meaning to the liquid. "Yes. He has the necessary intelligence for the position and nothing would please me more than to see my own precious serpent in such an elite position. Bella, go get me some more wine, it's simply divine. Avery, you will find me more of this brand."

Severus tried to force his mind to start working, but it seemed to be frozen. Him? Potions master?

"Aren't you thrilled, Severus?" He realized master's boots were only inches from his nose and he felt his chin being lifted up.

"Yes, master. I am speechless with gratitude. Thank you," He murmured, trying to force some sensible words past his frozen lips. "I will do my best not to disappoint you, my Lord."

"I know. And recent difficulties not withstanding, you have always served me to the best of your abilities." The boots turned and walked away from him. "Your initiation ceremony will be in a few days time as soon as a new string has been woven."

He was momentarily confused. What string? Then he remembered the silver string all masters wore around their waists to signify their rank. Of course Dolohov's was in Azkaban right now and another one had to be made.

He numbly got to his feet when it became clear that master was finished with them, him only having asked for Bella to remain behind, both her and Severus knowing it was getting close to his bath time. He stumbled towards the door, still numb with shock. He couldn't be master's potions master. Sure, he knew his potions, but he had no idea how to handle the responsibility of supervising every single potions progress in the entire manor, procuring ingredients and supervising assistants and training new initiates. Merlin!

He was barely aware of the other masters crowding around him and congratulating him, their disgust and disappointment barely disguised. Severus nodded at their words but hardly registered whether it was Mulciber or Jugson who was speaking to him.

Then he felt a hand clapping him on the back nearly hard enough to make him fall over.

"Well done, Severus. Well done!" Lucius Malfoy's voice quietly rang in his ears. Severus nodded and then tried to summon up an appropriately pleased smile, but then remembered he was wearing a mask. If it hid Lucius' obvious smirk of displeasure than it would hide his lack of a smile.

"Thank you, Lucius."

"This was highly unexpected," the recruitment master said, obviously thinking that Severus had bought the promotion. It wasn't that thought which irritated Severus, but rather, the obvious implication of how he had bought it.

He lifted his chin and narrowed his eyes. "Yes, it was. It makes it all the more pleasantly surprising."

The grey eyes didn't waver. "Of course. Well, do stop by the manor. I'm sure Narcissa is eager to congratulate you."

Turning around, he strode off, his robes flapping around him. Narrowing his eyes after him, Severus turned around and walked out of the master's corridor. He had nearly reached the first corner when he felt somebody madly running up behind him.

Before he could turn around, he felt somebody jumping on his back. Panic momentarily threatened to overtake him until he heard the squeal of happiness.

"Oh, Sevvie, I'm so proud of you! So proud! Potions master! Wow! My Sevvie is master's potions master now!"

"Thank you," he murmured, and for the first time actually meant the words. "Now get off me and help me figure out this mess."

She leapt off his back and trailed along beside him. "What mess?"

He rolled his eyes. "Bella, I've just been made a master! I have no idea how to go about this!"

She waved a hand at him. "Oh, you'll figure it out, Sevvie! I know you will. You're my brilliant Sevvie. Oh, but you have to promise me you won't take Dolohov's old chambers in the masters corridor!"

"Bella, that really isn't at the top of my list of things to worry about right—"

"Oh, but it is on mine! I won't be able to come and visit you whenever I like. You know they don't like assistants visiting masters."

Severus shook his head at her. "Bella, I'm a master now so I get to decide who can come and see me and when."

She squealed and clapped her hands. "Oh, that makes me so happy, Sevvie!"

Throwing her arm around his shoulders, she skipped along beside him, humming to herself as Severus tried to decide how much time it would take him to reach Azkaban and convine somebody that he really wanted to seriously turn himself in and not be let out for a long, long time.

Nov. 30th, 1980

The Dark Manor

"Elf, I can't do this," he hissed in Elfish, standing frozen around the corner, listening to the jostle of chaos coming from down the corridor.

Gorgon gave him a stern look. "This no time for young master to lose nerve!"

"_On the contrary, it's the perfect time to lose our nerve! Come on, quickly then! Let's get back home as soon as we can. Goodness knows it's about time_!"

"_Bird, be quiet_."

"_What? We're on the same side here, aren't we? We're both have better things to be doing than getting into this mess. Merlin knows we're in a big enough mess as it is, but this would just be the top_!"

"_You mean we're both perfectly content to be cowards and crawl away as soon as it gets tough, hm? Is that it_?"

"_I never said_—"

"_You didn't have to. Now be quiet! I'm going to do this. I have to. What the hell is Evans going to say when I see her next when I tell her that I crawled away with my robe between my legs? She never crawled away from anything in her entire life even if it seemed a little too hard_!"

"_Nobody is expecting you to be her, Severus_!"

He paused. "_What if I want to be like her? Hm? I couldn't have gotten this far without being a bit like her, could I? Why bother stopping now? This is just another hurdle to jump over_."

Stiffening, he smoothed his robes and gave his elf a terse nod, who gave him a smile. "Keep fear in head and off face, young master. It what Master Salazar would say," The old elf said, stepping back.

"Right." Taking a deep breath, he took a moment to control his fear and push it to the side. Evans would never let anybody see how scared she was. Besides, they'd done a lot tougher things in the past year, hadn't they? Snooping through other masters papers and copying important names, dates, places and things. Thinking up elaborate schemes to cover the fact that every single detail of masters every plan was carefully conveyed to the other side's eagerly listening ears. Secretly making antidotes for the poisons he had just bottled up and sneaking them out of the manor undetected. Sneaking tiny infants out of a place where everybody had strict orders to slaughter them all.

But this was different in a way. Never before did he have to be responsible for a large group of people. He was used to doing things on his own with his little team of helpers, staying in the shadows and making sure nobody got close enough to mess with him or his plans. Now he would have to be an authority figure. Merlin, why, oh, why couldn't he have gotten up and excused himself from that table when Lucius first sat down next to him at the Hog's Head?

No, now was not the time to start berating himself for past actions. Now was the time to figure out how to handle this. Fingering the medallion around his neck and thinking of what the Slytherin founder and a certain redheaded Gryffindor would do if they were here, he straightened up and purposefully strode around the corner.

XXXXXX

The hallway infront of the large potions workshop was in utter upheaval. Potions assistants milled around everywhere, muttering to each other and heaving stacks of paper and balancing bags of ingredients, goblets and stirring sticks. The doors to the workshop were warded and only the current potions master could open the door. Since Severus hadn't been officially initiated until the previous night, nobody had had any access to the shop since Dolohov had been captured.

Severus rolled his eyes at the chaos before him. If they would learn to keep their own supplies and do their work in their rooms like he always did, they wouldn't have lost any time.

Watching them, he thought about yelling at them to shut up, but then realized his voice might squeak from nervousness and besides, he would have to yell louder than any of them and he had never had much of a yell, as Evans pointed out everytime she asked him to repeat himself after he mumbled something.

Making a fist with one hand, he grit his teeth and made a harsh motion towards the wall beside him. Immediately, a wave of dark magic smashed into the wall with a loud thud and the entire hallway shook.

Some of the assistants gasped, some screamed but everybody immediately shut up when they realized who had made the noise.

He stood there, glaring at the closest ones and hoping they wouldn't start up again. To his complete surprise, they immediately bowed their heads with respect. For one moment he nearly bowed as well, too used to being the one doing the bowing and not being bowed to, but caught himself in time.

He glared at the rest of them until they too, bowed their heads at him, having recognized the silver string now tied around his waist even if they didn't recognize him.

He glanced at somebody closest to him. "Go and get the rest of the assistants."

Muttering a "Yes, sir" at him, the man hurried off. Severus blinked. A man more than twice his age had just called him sir. He hid his smirk of amusement. It wouldn't do to start chuckling with glee in front of everybody.

Striding through the crowd, he reached the workshop and ran a gloved hand over the carving of a cauldron on the door. He undid the silver string from around his waist and pushed the threads into the grooves on the door until the wood shimmered and the wards came down. Tying the string back around his waist, he pushed open the door and stepped into the room.

He frowned as he glanced around. He had never spent much time in this room asides from when he had been training as an initiate and the few times when he needed to come and get some extra ingredients. He lit the torches on the wall with a flick of his wrist and then went to the front of the room where Dolohov's small desk and large caulron stood, mostly for show and not actual use since the former potions master had also done much of his own work in his room.

Turning around, he glanced at the people huddled by the door. "Are you intending on standing there until the walls crumble or are you coming in?" he spat, the words coming out harsher than he intended. He felt a small ball of fear in his stomach and ruthlessly pushed it down.

They hurried in and everybody found a seat or stood against the walls, muttering to each other in hushed voices and glancing at him.

He tried to keep his eyes on the door as he waited for the rest of the assistants and forced himself not to glance at the other masked figures in the room. He knew he was one of the youngest ones in the room and knew there had to be a fair amount of irritation present due to that fact. A nineteen year old made potions master. It was almost unheard of. He raised his chin and glared at them, not giving them the chance to intimidate him. He had earned this promotion, damn it! True, he was closer to master than any of them here, but he was also damn good at potions.

Finally, they were all present and he surveyed them with a quick glance, ignoring the fear and distaste he saw on several faces.

"My name is Master Snape." He nearly stumbled over his new title, but managed to get through it. His voice was quiet, nearly too quiet, and he mentally heard Evans sigh in his head, but he put a bit of venom into the words, making the quiet words steel. If he couldn't be assertive by raising his voice, he'd have to find other ways.

"I am now your new potions master and I neither know nor care about what your opinion on the matter is. I was choosen for this position and none of us has the right to express their pleasure or distaste with it. Our master choose me and that's all that matters." He let his glare sweep over them. Keep your fear in your head and off your face. "We have all been in considerable disorganization since Master Dolohov was captured. Assignments hadn't been carried out since ingredients hadn't been available, things have been lost or used up and not replenished and no new assignments have been assigned since Trelley. Master has been quite displeased with our performances in the past few days and we will do everything we can to redeem ourselves in his eyes, is that clear?"

He saw the wave of nods and murmurs of "Yes, sir" and "Yes, Master Snape."

"Good. Now. I have spent last night going through Master Dolohov's office. I thought the exercise would shed some light on what everybody is currently doing and has been doing, but unfortunately, our former master never saw the need to keep long term files or to be a bit more organized. So, everybody will write down who they are, how long they have been a potions assistant, what their previous assignments were and what they are currently working on, with details such as expected completion times and what ingredients you will still need."

Everybody conjured up parchment and quill for themselves and started scribbling. Some of them clearly couldn't remember what their past or current assignments were and Severus allowed them to go back to their rooms or homes and find out, but not before glaring at them. They didn't have much else to do in life other than do what their potions master told them to, so why couldn't they remember even a simple potions name?

When he finally had a large stack of papers before him, he addressed them again.

"I will look these over and start assigning new projects in a few days. Master has allowed us a few days during which to smooth over the disarray of the past few days. Now, I want three people—" He glanced at the stack in his arms and threw out the first three names which came up. "Emerson, Davie and Gleason, to do an inventory on every single ingredient we have. Anybody who had private stores in their own rooms will give them a list of what they have, down to the last sprinkle of fairy fern spores. You will have this list ready in twenty-four hours time and then we will deal with acquiring what is in short supply."

Not waiting for an answer, he held onto the stack of papers and strode out of the room. He had a horrendous amount of reading to do. Damn Dolohov and his damn disorganization. He hoped the Dementors were giving him hell. Literally.

Dec. 17th, 1980

The Underworld

"Are you sure you will not have a glass, Severus?"

"No, thank you, my Lady. Rat blood is not on my list of favored beverages, I'm afraid."

She laughed and poured herself another glass.

Severus gave her a small smile, not feeling as initimidated as he usually felt around her. They had sat together for more than an hour already, talking about all things in general, mostly about things which concerned both their worlds and not mentioning the war or the other 'unpleasantness' (as she referred to it as) which raged in Severus' world alone.

She narrowed her lavender eyes at him and surveyed him top to bottom for a moment and then smiled smugly.

"You have changed since I have seen you last, Severus Snape."

He shrugged. "Not particularily much, my Lady."

"On the contrary. You now not only have a spine, but you use it well. I am impressed."

He blushed faintly and nodded his head in thanks.

She took another sip and pointed a pale, silver clawed finger at the phoenix sitting on Severus' shoulder. "And he agrees with me, do you not, phoenix?"

"_I most certainly do, Severus. You have changed a lot, you know_."

She smiled smugly again and her eyes lingered on the silver string around his waist.

"So, Thomas made you his potions master. How amusing. I trust you find it an entertainment?"

"Not as much of an entertainment as a chore, my Lady, but there is a certain bit of humor in it if you consider my age."

She laughed. "Of course. At nineteen, you wouldn't even be let out of your parents' sight if you were a demon."

"A fact which makes me appreciate being a human, my Lady."

She laughed even harder and had to put her glass down for a moment before picking it back up.

Finally, she emptied the bottle Severus had brought her and sat up straight.

"Alright, enough of the pleasantries. I trust you haven't only come to see me for conversation, as amusing as it may be."

"No, my Lady. I have been trying to fill the stores of ingredients we have in the manor and I found several ingredients missing. Apparently nobody had thought to replace them for quite some time and substitutions have been used, but these aren't as effective as the real things. Unfortunately, the ingredients are very rare on our world and very expensive and I don't have much money to spend on them."

She nodded. "And you wish to propose a trade for them?"

"Assuming you have them, my Lady. And preferably, have them available quickly. There are some potions which are at critical stages in their development and need the ingredients quickly."

She laughed, taken a bit back. "What you mean is, I should have been ready quickly or you will go to another supplier."

"I'm afraid so, my Lady, but I would prefer to do business with you. It has been difficult enough haggling with some of the individuals I have had to see in the past few weeks. I was actually looking forward to this haggling."

"Alright. Let's see if I can accommodate Thomas' potions master, hmm?" She took the parchment Severus offered her and quickly skimmed it.

She waved a limp hand at it. "Ah, we have all of these in large abundance. It will take no longer than a few minutes to have the amounts you specified brought up." She put the parchment down and cocked her head to the side. "So, what can I be expecting in return?"

"As always, my Lady, the question is what would you like in exchange for them?"

She laughed and leaned back. "Let me think about it, Severus Snape."

He nodded. "If you don't mind them, could I see some samples of the ingredients you have? If they prove to be of poor quality—which will be no reflection upon you, my Lady!—I'm afraid I will have to go elsewhere."

She laughed again and waggled a finger at him. "You are turning out to be a shrewd business man, Severus Snape."

He shrugged a shoulder and gave her a small smile. "I've acquired many new talents I never would have thought I would need, my Lady."

"The life of a double agent, hmm?"

"I'm afraid so."


	27. Chapter 27

Path of Shaded Light

Chapter 27

'You live what you learn.'

- 'Points of Authority' by Linkin Park

Dec. 23rd, 1980

Knockturn Alley

A rat scampered past his feet as he made his way past the shabby buildings, hoping that Emerson's directions had been correct. Merlin knew the woman wasn't reliable for much other than when her nose was buried in a cauldron.

Turning down another alleyway, he stopped by a small, cracked window situated at his feet. He surveyed the rest of the building with some distaste. Rundown and filthy and in obvious neglect, much like the other buildings and inhabitants of this place. If only people took better care of their belongings than they would never start resembling such garbage heaps. Using the toe of his boot, he kicked the window lightly.

After a moment, a gnarled hand pushed the window open and an old, wrinkled witch peered up at him.

"What 're ya wantin'?" she demanded, a wave of alcohol enveloping Severus. He wrinkled his nose slightly but ignored it.

"I am here to see Xavier."

She stared at him and sneered. "Ya think ya can jus' come 'ere an' see 'im? Who the ruddy stinkin' hell d'ya think ya're?"

Severus stiffened and glared at her. Pulling back his left sleeve, he showed her the mark on his arm.

She immediately recoiled and her manner changed instantly. "Oh, I's so sorry, sir, so sorry, I ain't recognizing ya, sir." She stammered, wide eyes staring at him in fear.

He narrowed his eyes at her. He was tired of her stupidity. Who in earth was stupid enough to be rude to somebody if they didn't know who they were? If he had been anybody else, the old woman would be dead already. "Your knowledge of the Dark Lord's followers is none of my concern, you old hag. Now let me in."

Scampering away from the window, muttering "Yes, your lordship" at him, she disappeared.

Moments later, the window sparkled and morphed into a large door which the old woman pulled open. Leering at him with a mouth full of missing and blackened teeth, she bowed and motioned him inside.

Ignoring her, he swept by her, not bothering with a thank you. He couldn't afford any display of potential weaknesses here, he had learned that much in the past month of being a potions master.

The room was dark and smelled disgusting. Not needing any more light to see by, Severus walked down the length of the room until he reached a rickety old table which was covered with heaps of parchment and bits of rubbish.

The woman slammed the door closed and quickly hobbled over to a side door. Opening it, she hissed at somebody to get in there.

Moments later, the door opened and a rather short, balding man appeared, smiling widely.

"Ah, a customer, how pleasin' it is ta see ya, sir. Absolutely pleasin'." The man, Xavier, hurried forward and held out a hand but Severus narrowed his eyes at him and he shrugged and dropped it.

Severus couldn't help but notice how Xavier was much better dressed and fatter than the old woman, whom Severus guessed was his wife. The abhorrent pig wasn't only a selfish, lazy business man but husband too.

Bustling about, the man finally sat down behind his desk. Spying the old woman still standing beside the door, staring at Severus with wide eyes, he glared at her and waved his hands. "Get outta 'ere, ya old hag, ya ain't needed 'ere for this."

The woman quickly shuffled out of the room.

Once she had left, Severus stared at Xavier coldly. He knew his face was hidden by his hood but he needed to keep in character as much as possible. After all, if Xavier sensed he was just a shy nineteen year old who had no idea what he was doing, he would end up being used for all he was worth.

"So," Xavier clapped his hands. "Who would I be havin' the pleasure of dealing wit'?"

"My name is of no importance to you. I am the Dark Lord's new potions master. Now, I do not have unlimited leisure time and our business will be concluded quickly and efficiently." His voice stayed at that quiet half whisper he had started using around his assistants. To his surprise, he found it to be quite effective. "My assistants tell me you have been supplying our lord with many of the ingredients he requires."

Xavier nodded. "That's right, that's right. I've always been mity happy ta be doin' business with you lot."

"Well I am thrilled to see you have been quite happy with this arrangement thus far." Xavier preened and nodded.

"But I'm not."

His smile froze momentarily, but like a good businessman, he didn't let it drop, but merely made some quick adjustments in his head.

"Oh?"

"Yes, oh. Your deliveries have been delayed a number of times and on more than one occasion, you supplied us with amounts not measuring up to the quality and quantity we had been assured. I understand that Master Dolohov has been quite tolerant with you for these…errors, but rest assured that I wil not be. We pay you good money to supply us with what we need and I expect to be given what I want on the day I want it and in the amount and quality I want it, or you will start suffering my displeasure, is that understood?"

He waited, carefully watching Xavier's face. If the old contraband runner wasn't intimidated enough to obey him, he would have to work a bit harder.

Xavier blinked at him once before quickly recovering with a leering smile. "Ah, I think ya must be mistaken, sir, as I explained ta yer former potions master, all of those tiny mistakes weren't of me own doing. I—"

Yes, that was what Severus thought he'd try to do. Well, he wasn't going to be played as a fool, especially by this thug.

Bringing up one of his hands, he let out a stream of magic which caught Xavier around the neck and slammed him into the wall behind his chair and lifted him up, leaving him choking and gasping for breath as his legs dangled uselessly above the ground.

Severus kept the pressure of the magic even, not wanting the man to pass out on him, but also wanting him to know that he could easily kill him if he wanted to.

"I don't think you're understanding me, Mr. Xavier. I will not tolerate your selfish and utterly transparent attempts to cheat us. If you prove to be unable to adjust to this new business arrangement, I shall simply go elsewhere. We have many other contacts around here and many new dealers would be only too willing to take up the slack you have provided. But of course, this wouldn't be before we have made you understand very thoroughly that we are not to be taken lightly or messed around with. I am not one of those hapless crystal junkies who would sell you their children for the dirt which you charmed green and convinced them are crystals."

For one tiny moment, his stomach lurched and his head reeled at his mere mention of crystals and visions of beautiful, sparkling crystals ran through his head before he ruthlessly pushed them aside. He wasn't a hapless crystal junkie. At least, not anymore.

Xavier stared at him with wide eyes as his legs frantically kicked around. He let the man dangle there and carefully watched as he discreetly turned a ring on his finger. Severus' mark felt the dark magic sweep over him and moments later, he heard the door behind him creak open.

Not releasing his hold over Xavier, he stuck his left arm behind him and deflected the two curses coming towards his back. He felt the two curses hit the two thugs who had come running into help them. Without turning around, he flicked his hand at the two unconscious idiots and heard them flying through the door and landing in a heap in the alleyway outside before he slammed the door shut.

"What a rude interuption that was, Mr. Xavier. I trust you had no idea we would be disturbed?"

The man looked extremely frightened now and his face grew paler and sweat streamed down his face.

Severus applied a bit more pressure to his neck, ignoring the gurgling sounds coming from the man. He knew he was far from being permanently damaged. "So, do we have an understanding, Mr. Xavier? Or are you still confused as to my specific requests concerning our business dealings?"

The man managed to shake his head, spittle leaking out of his mouth as he gasped for air.

Abruptly, Severus let him go and the fat dealer landed in a pitiful heap on the ground, massaging his throat and gasping for air.

"Look at me, Mr. Xavier."

Immediately, the man's head snapped up.

"Do you still wish to be of assistance to the Dark Lord and his cause?"

"Yes, oh, yes, sir, my lordship, sir, yes."

Taking out a piece of parchment from his robes, he flicked his hand and watched as it flew through the air and glued itself to Xavier's robe front.

"Here is a list of new ingredients and the amounts we require. I will send one of my assistants to see you tomorrow morning to find out how soon we can be expecting them, but be warned that I would not like to wait longer than a week for any of them. Also be warned that will tell my assistant exactly how much will be the limit to the amount of money we are willing to pay you for this, and that if you are not satisfied with this amount, she will ensure that at the end you are quite happy with much less. Do we understand each other?"

"Yes, sir, yes. And, oh, sir, ya can be havin' the first shipment fer free." He was nodding hysterically, staring at him with wide eyes. "Yes, fer free, sir, your lordship. Just to show ya how fair of a businessman I's am."

Severus smirked momentarily, knowing Xavier couldn't see his face. "Your generosity is appreciated, Mr. Xavier. The Dark Lord will be informed about it. Now, you have very much to do in very little time. I suggest you get to it."

Turning on his heel, he strode out of the room, biting his lip to keep from laughing outloud.

"_What the hell is so funny, Severus? That man nearly wet himself_."

"_I know. Which makes it all the more hilarious. The pompous arse goes around making everybody else lick his boots but when somebody presents even the tiniest little backbone to him, he melts in a puddle of piss_."

"_There is no need to be so vulgar_."

"_Bird, we just made one of the most prominent drug dealers and contraband runners in the alley nearly wet himself. You should be proud_."

"_Alright, I was a bit impressed, but I still don't like the man. He's absolutely foul. Letting his wife live in that shamble of a house while he lives in a manor and only drops by when it pleases him or when he has business to discuss_."

"_So that is his wife_?"

"_Yes. He insists she stays there so he won't miss any business callings that come by, but we both know it's because he doesn't want to spend even a knut on the poor soul_."

Severus' eyes narrowed. "_Well, we'll teach him some humility and manners, bird, and maybe we can make him appreciate his wife a bit more_."

"_Why do we have to do anything with him anyway? We have loads of other contacts which are more reliable and cheaper_."

"_Yes, but Xavier has access to places the others don't. We need him, bird, but that doesn't mean we can't twist his arms a bit_." Another smirk flickered across his face.

"_You're really enjoying this, aren't you_?"

Smiling, he changed the subject. "_Where did Gunter say Fergio's contact usually lies low? I want to have a little chat with him about the quality of those dragon tongues he delivered us the other day_."

"_What was wrong with them_?"

"_They're already desiccated which means they had been kept in the open for at least two days before being delivered. We have to teach them to respect our ingredients a little bit more_."

The bird sighed in his head. "_Oh, how do we get this these situations_?"

Severus smirked and turned down another street, enjoying how crowds parted when he walked through them and nobody sneered at him or tried to trip him up.

Living life like this was proving to have its benefits.

Jan. 5th, 1981

The Dark Manor

"Have you tried applying a stirring charm instead of manually stirring?"

"Don't stirring charms result in imprecise stirring, sir?"

"Most often, yes, but if a timing charm is applied to the spell the stirring will stop automatically and the potions will freeze. It should prove to be more effective at distributing the snake venom among the salamander blood with less congealing than you're currently experiencing."

"Alright, sir, thank you."

Turning from the cauldron, Severus let his gaze travel over the other bubbling cauldrons and bent backs of his assistants in the workshop.

"I have things to do in my chambers. If there are any more problems, try to solve them on your own but don't make a bigger mess than you already have. Send one of the elves to get me if you absolutely can't fix the problem on your own. And, Gleeson?"

"Yes, sir?" The small, pointy nosed man stared at him with wide eyes, having jumped so badly at being addressed that he nearly upset his cauldron.

Severus grit his teeth. The man made no effort to hide the fact that a nineteen year old scared him. He was absolutely pathetic, not for being afraid, but for showing it.

"Do we ever, ever leave a boiling cauldron unattended for any reason?"

"N-no, sir."

"Even if our bladders are about to burst?"

"Even then, sir."

"Good." Turning around, he swept out of the room, his mind already reeling from the millions of things he had to do.

Reaching his chambers, he opened the door and went straight to his desk. Piles of progress reports littered the surface along with the usual bits of parchment, broken quills and books of all sorts and sizes.

Gorgon glanced up from where he was crouching amid the mess, putting the progress reports of potions in separate piles from inventory reports and order forms.

"How is congealing problem?"

He waved a dismissive hand and sat at his desk, grabbing the first pile of reports. "Solved. Hopefully. I told her to use a stirring charm."

"With timer charm added?"

"Do I look stupid, elf?" He glanced at his elf with mild annoyance as he glanced over Emerson's long narrative of the comparisons between various prices she'd found for human skin, cat eyes and holly berries. He sighed. All he wanted was a simple chart, but she always found it necessary to write a long story about how she had gone about wrangling people for the prices. He skimmed the important parts and then circled the prices he found acceptable. Tossing the report in the finished pile, he reached for another one.

He felt a headache starting to stab behind his eyes and he grimaced, taking deep breaths, willing it to go away. His stupid headaches had been increasing in frequency and intensity for the past few weeks. His elf said that the extra stress they were under now was probably causing them to intensity. He didn't give a damn what was causing them, he just wanted to find a way to stop them, but knew that nothing would make the Banshees quit hammering inside his head until he doused them with some crystals. And that wasn't an option. His head throbbed and he tightened his grip on his quill, focusing on the paper before him. That _wasn't_ an option.

His elf had unrolled an enormous chart on which all the assistants names were written and their current projects. Reading through the progress reports, he crossed off finished projects and wrote down the estimated finishing times for all the ongoing projects.

He frowned. "Master Rabastan has been working on same potion for about week now."

Severus glanced up and frowned as he looked at the chart and the progress report. Frowning, he read it over and then snapped his fingers at a box on his over stuffed shelves. Riffling through it, he finally found Rabastan's other reports. He rolled his eyes when he saw that the consistency of the ink was the same on all of them, even though the wording was different.

"The stupid git made his quill write multiple reports for him."

"Maybe he thinking you not actually reading the reports."

"Well, Dolohov never really did. Put all of his progress reports in a pile, elf. We'll go and have a little chat with Mr. Lestrange later on. It's fine if he wants to spend his time fornicating with dead muggles, but not if he's doing it in the time he should be working on his assignments. This isn't a vacation resort."

A shrill burst of laughter came from the door. Severus nearly leapt out of his skin, but then calmed down when he realized who it was. There was only one human being in the manor to whom his wards were keyed asides from himself.

Bella ran across the room and flung herself onto his bed. "Sevvie, that's so funny. Is Rabastan being lazy?"

He wearily rubbed his forehead, Bella's voice always aggravating it. "Extremely. And even if he is your brother-in-law, I can't have lazy people working for me."

She sat up straight, a gleam in her eyes. "Should I go punish him?"

He raised an eyebrow at her. "If you want—"

"It's not that I want to, Sevvie. It's a necessity. People have to respect my Sevvie and his new position."

"Alright, fine. We'll go pay him a visit after dueling practice. Who are we paired up against?"

She stretched out on the bed, staring up at the ceiling as Severus continued skimming through papers. "Barty and Rabastan."

"Oh, good. We can start teaching him a lesson early then. And we ought to take Crouch down a peg or too as well. The arrogant arse has been insulting the two of us behind our backs again."

Her eyes darkened as she glared up at the ceiling. "Crouch isn't a nice person."

"No, he rather isn't. But it tends to run in the family."

She laughed again, sitting up and reaching into her robes. "Sevvie, you're so funny. Do you think I have time for a quick line?"

He shrugged. "If you do it quickly. We've got to be in the cubes in twenty minutes and then in the dueling chamber." Damn his head.

She pulled out a little vial of white cocaine and promptly poured out a little amount onto his bedspread. Bending over it, she shifted it into little squiggly lines until she was satisfied. Then she leaned down, pulled her hair out of the way and snorted it up.

Severus glanced at her. "That better be the batch I purified for you."

She sniffed a few good times and giggled. "Of course it is, Sevvie."

"Good. Avery nearly went into a coma the other day snorting that filthy garbage he bought off Jib in the alley."

She giggled again. "I know. That was really funny."

Shaking his head at her, he didn't take his eyes off his papers as he took another pile his elf handed him, carefully ignoring the coil in his stomach which was trying to pull him over to where Bella was. His head was throbbing by now. A little tiny snort wouldn't hurt him, would it? All he had to do was ask Bella for a tiny sniff. That's it. A tiny, tiny sniff. No more. The letters before him blurred slightly and his hands trembled until he clenched his jaw and squeezed his eyes shut. Taking slow, deep breaths, he slowly opened his eyes again and then focused on the papers before him. He had papers to sort through, dueling practice to get to and then a tactical meeting with master about the next battle. Then he'd stop by the potions workshop one more time before going to Hogwarts to report to the headmaster. He was much too busy to have time for white powder, green powder or any kind of powder.


	28. Chapter 28

Path of Shaded Light 

Chapter 28

Author's Note: Wow! I couldn't believe how many reviews poured into my inbox after the last update! Thank you very much and I'm thrilled to see how many people are still reading this story and how many new people are piping up to say hello.

Before I leave you in peace, I'll quickly answer somebody's question concerning Sev's backstory in the light of HBP. I'm going to keep my backstory the same as it was established in 'Glittering Darkness' and obviously I'll have to veer away from canon concerning some tid bits in HBP but it shouldn't interfere with anything major in this story and HBP. As I said before, I'm sticking to the canon to the best of my ability, but if you prefer to stick to Jo's established background concerning our potions master, feel free. The only real difference I can see is his financial situation and the fact that he obviously didn't grow up in a manor, but the rest was probably not so far off the mark. It's sad, but it's true. It doesn't matter how much money you have but certain people just aren't born to be parents. Anyway, if you have any longwinded questions (like my good friend Patty), please feel free to leave them in a review along with your email address and I'll respond. I like nothing better than to blabber on and on about stuff concerning our favourite playground. Much more fun than real life, but that might just be me.

If you have any short questions, I'll address them like this on the next update. Okay, sorry to take up everybody's time, I'll leave you alone now, but please don't forget to review!

'So many inventions come during war, when desperation, fear and hatred fuel the imagination and the will.'

- John Vornholt, 'The Dominion War: Tunnel through the Stars'

Jan. 11th, 1981

Small clearing near St. Agnes

The rain streamed off the roof of the small house and bounced off the puddles gathering in the large garden surrounding it. The small, delicate appearance of the house didn't fool him a bit. His mark could feel the strong wards coating the property. His mark stung from the proximity to them, irritated by their strengths.

"_Well, this is definitely the right place. It's covered with the anti-mark wards_."

Master had been very irritated after the last battle which had been fought a few days ago. Not only had they lost, but they had lost due to the fact that some genius at the ministry had made some special wards which didn't allow anybody wearing the dark mark to apparate through. Severus had to admit that it was a little late in coming. They had been using such wards for years already, ones keyed to only admitting bearers of the dark mark. He had brought as many specifics concerning the wards as he could find to the headmaster, who promised to pass them onto a good friend of his, Tegan Eddington, who worked in the ministry's magical research department experimenting with defensive dark arts. Eddington had finally finished his research and the results had been painful but successful. Needless to say, Jugson and her espionage assistants quickly determined who had been behind the new weapon and master had sent two of them to take care of this problem.

Severus had been so busy in the past few weeks with his new responsibilities that he now relied on Gorgon to listen in on various conversations occuring all over the manor and glean any important information. His elf had come to him in a panic a few hours ago, saying that Rookwood and Jugson had been given this assignment and were leaving in a few hours.

His elf had remained behind to watch over the potions workshop, prevent any explosions and sort through some of the paperwork which was already piling up on his desk again and Severus and Fawkes were left crawling through soaking wet bushes in the middle of the night.

Digging in his robe pockets, he pulled out the two little black spheres the headmaster had given him for his birthday present. Whispering the dark incantation which activated one of them, he felt it lifting up and slowly revolving above his outstretched hands. Slowly, he started guiding it through the wards and towards the house. It floated towards a wall and disappeared through it. Moments later, Severus activated the other one and stared into the murky depths as the images started being relayed from one eye to the other.

A staircase, walls covered in book shelves, a far away door which might lead to the kitchen. Up the staircase and down a narrow hall. A closed door through which the sphere floated. A nightstand, a large closet, a bed on which two elderly people quietly slept. Alright, they were still sleeping and alone. So far, so good.

"_Bird, help me now. I can't do this on my own_."

"_You do know this is illegal_."

He rolled his eyes, rain dripping off his hood as his legs started cramping from crouching for so long in one position. "_So is everything else we do in life. Get on with it_."

Feeling a tingle of magic flow through him, he felt the sphere in his hand start to vibrate. Mustering all of his power, he thought 'Imperio', focusing on the image of the man. Feeling his magic being enhanced by the phoenix's and feeling it travel through the two connected omniscient eyes, he watched and held his breath as the man's eyes snapped open and he stared up at the ceiling.

"_Can you hear me_?" He thought, using the bond he had with Fawkes to send the thoughts into the old man's head.

Tegan Eddington nodded.

"_Good. Get out of bed and leave the room_."

Moving in the unnervingly fluid yet hollow way in which people controlled by the imperius curse moved, he got out of bed. His wife grumbled but didn't wake up.

When he was out of the room, Severus instructed him to remove the wards. He waited as he did so, constantly checking his mark in fear of Jugson showing up too soon.

"Come on, come on," he muttered.

Finally, the wards shimmered and came down. Pushing himself up and nearly slipping in the wet grass he stood on, he hurried through the rain and told Eddington to let him in.

The door opened and Severus pushed past the old man, who still stood at the door, staring blankly out into the rain.

Reaching past him, Severus shut the door. "Do you keep any of your research in the house?"

The man nodded.

"Where?"

"In the basement."

"Go and collect it all, shrink it and put it in your pockets." Heading towards the stairs, he bounded up them, feeling a bit guilty about the mud and water he was streaking onto the carpet.

Reaching the bedroom, he put his wife under the imperius curse as well and instructed her to get up and collect all of their valuables as quickly as possible.

When he turned around to follow her out the door, his other hovering omniscient eye nearly smacked him in the face. Turning it off, he caught it before it fell and stuffed it into his pocket along with his other one.

Racing down the stairs again, he was met by both Eddingtons standing there, already packed and ready. He was surprised at how quickly they had gathered their things, but then remembered that they had probably been preparing for something like this for quite some time. Well, maybe not something exactly like this. He momentarily debated taking the curse off them, but didn't want to have to stun them and knew that trying to explain to them that he was only trying to help would take too long. They didn't have time for story telling right now.

Ordering them both outside, he took a deep breath and started hurling fireballs all over the house, watching as the curtains, carpet and furniture lit up and the fire roared through the house, racing up the stairs and spreading around. A twinge of guilt raced through him but he shook it away. Lives were more important than houses.

Racing outside, he turned around and held his left arm towards the sky, palm up.

"Morsmordre!" he cried, watching the green skull and serpent exploding into the sky above the house.

Satisfied that his work was done, he turned to the two Eddingtons, standing there in their barefeet, rain already soaking through their nightshirts and hair, eyes staring blankly ahead of them.

Pulling them close to him, he closed his eyes. He started to feel his mark tingle pleasantly and he knew that Jugson and Rookwood would appear any moment.

"_Ready, bird? On the count of three. One_—"

His mark tingled even more. "_Two_—"

If this didn't work it would all be over. The air around him tingled, the sign that people were about to apparate.

"_Three_!"

Feeling the air being sucked out of him, he tightened his grip around the two people in his arms and felt them all hurling through an airtight tunnel, his magic fuelled by Fawkes'.

When they landed, Severus lost his footing and collapsed in a heap with both Eddingtons landing on top of him, all lying a few feet from the giant gates of Hogwarts.

Quickly, he pushed himself up and pulled out the red vial from his pocket and threw it into the air, watching it explode into the shape of a brilliant red and gold phoenix. "_Fawkes, go and get the headmaster. I don't want to lift the curse until I'm gone and they're in safe hands_."

Seeing them both shivering as they stood there, Severus realized the rain had stopped but they were all still soaking. He dried them off with a quick charm and transfigured some pebbles on the ground into shoes and told them to put them on.

Moments later, Fawkes came flying back, headmaster Dumbledore running down the path towards them.

He opened the gates and immediately hurried over to them.

"Severus, my boy, did everything go alright?"

"It went fine, sir. They're still under the imperius curse."

"Yes, yes, of course. It makes things easier by far. Did you see Ms. Jugson or Mr. Rookwood?"

"They were just apparating in when we left. I'm going to go back and hopefully catch them before they apparate back to the manor."

"Do you have the memories with you?"

"Yes. It will only take a few moments to substitute the fake ones for the real ones. They will apparate back to the manor in a while with boastful stories of murdering two innocent elderly people."

"Good, good. Tegan, Gloria, please come up to the castle with me. You must be cold and hungry." Waving them on their way, the headmaster turned back to Severus and gave him a smile.

"Well done, my boy. Would you like to come up for a cup of tea when you're finished?"

A small smile crept over Severus' face and he knew the headmaster saw it despite the mask on his face. "No, thank you, headmaster. I must be getting back once I'm finished. I have a million things still to do tonight."

"Alright then. Good luck and be careful, as always."

Giving him a firm nod, Severus spun around, grabbing Fawkes as the bird transfigured back into the red vial and put it into his robes. Moving silently, he pulled up his left sleeve and touched his mark, apparating away and leaving the old man staring at the spot he had stood in moments before.

Feb. 5th, 1981

Malfoy Manor

"Where is Narcissa?"

"She upstairs with young Master Draco."

"She's actually tending to her own child for once and not letting elves do it?"

"Dobby saying that she was so pleased when Master Draco smiling at her the other day that now she wanting to see if he doing it again. She starting to understand that children smiles must be earned."

"Right, because the little puking brats don't smile at absolutely anything that's stuck in front of their faces."

Hurrying down the cellar stairs, he anxiously checked his mark. He could detect Narcissa's presence in the house but not Lucius' so far. Damn it, they didn't have much time. He had been in tactical meetings all night with master, then read a long, boring muggle's biography to him, then had to sort through mountains of paperwork and help two of his assistants finish their potion when their cauldrons simulatenously evaporated. Lucius was meeting with Minister Bagnold for approximately ten more minutes and then would probably return home.

"Gorgon, stay upstairs and keep Narcissa from coming down here."

Nodding, his elf hurried back up the stairs while Severus leapt down the remaining stone stairs two at a time. Hurling along the corridor, he found the hidden door without even trying and pushed it open.

Conjuring a piece of parchment and a quill, he started holding his hand over the quietly ticking watches floating all around him and watching as the people they monitored had their names transferred onto the paper.

"_Faster, Fawkes_."

"_I'm going as fast as I can_."

Jenny Delayney—Patrick Melrose—Dannika Mulwick

He had magically enhanced his hearing on the way down and could hear the chatter of elves from the kitchen and then the sound of his elf loudly starting a conversation with Narcissa.

"Mistress Narcissa! How fine to be seeing you! It such an honor to be seeing the fair mistress of Malfoy manor."

"Aren't you Severus' elf? What are you doing here?"

"My master arriving shortly to meet with Master Lucius. Gorgon arrive early to ensure his young master ready to be received."

"Of course! I'll have the elves prepare something right away! Lucy! Go and get some wine from the cellar and bring it upstairs. We have a special guest arriving shortly."

Severus could see Narcissa's forced, sickeningly sweet smile in his mind's eye.

He watched the names appearing on the parchment, realizing his hand's were trembling slightly. They only had a few minutes left until Lucius came home.

"_Come on, bird_!"

"_I'm going as fast as I can_!"

"—crawling all over the place! The elves can hardly keep up with him!"

"Master Draco already showing true strength! It only natural for Malfoy heir!"

A light, airy laugh.

Megan Gomerick—Peter P—

Abruptly, he tore his hand off the last watch he had grabbed, feeling his mark tingling. "_Damn it, Lucius is here! Did you get that last one_?"

"_No, but we don't have time, Severus_!"

"_I realize that_," He grit out as he clenched his teeth and transfigured the parchment into an empty vial and stuck it into his pocket. Sneaking out of the room, he shut the door and then hurried along the corridor, keeping flat against the wall.

From the hallway above him he could hear Narcissa and his elf still loudly talking about Draco's wonderful developments—as if Narcissa herself were personally responsible for every one of them.

His mind raced. They couldn't just barge up the stairs. How on earth could they explain to Narcissa why they were nosing around in their cellar?

Suddenly, he had an idea. "_Bird, you can turn into a rat, right_?"

"_Yes, but_—"

"_Do it. Quickly_."

The bird sighed dramatically. "_Oh, for the love of_—"

Knowing what Severus wanted of him, the phoenix transfigured into a rat and dropped lightly to the ground and scampered up the stairs.

Moments later, Gorgon and Narcissa's conversation was interupted as his elf loudly exclaimed "Grindelwald! A rat!" in a rather convincing manner and Narcissa screamed and fled up the the stairs, screaming for her elves to come and help her.

Severus smothered a laugh with extreme difficulty. The woman really wasn't good for anything other than entertaining dinner guests.

Moments later, his elf hissed that the coast was clear. Severus bounded up the stairs and had just enough time to stick the little vial back into his robes which had flown up into his hands and to spin around and pretend to be absorbed with an ugly vase standing in the entrance hall when the door flung open and Lucius strode in.

"Ah! Severus! What a lovely surprise!"

Severus gave him a short nod. "Lucius."

Lucius looked around, looking puzzled as to why his wife had left a guest standing in the entrance hall.

"Narcisssa retired early to her rooms. She begged me to make her excuses for her. It appears you have vermin living in your house."

Lucius smiled brightly and waved a hand around himself. "Yes, some of the elves do disgust her. I have tried to impress upon them not to show themselves in front of her, but you know what intelligence can be expected from creatures like that."

Gritting his teeth and swallowing his anger, Severus managed a curt nod. "Of course."

That smile still plastered to his face, Lucius sighed dramatically and then motioned Severus into the livingroom.

"Well, that certainly is a pity, but surely you will stop by for dinner some time soon? Narcissa was looking forward to seeing you."

Nodding again and inwardly still seething with Lucius' remark about elves, Severus allowed himself to be sat down and started listening to Lucius droning on about the upcoming battle and how they would be righting wizarding politics after so many years of leaving them in neglect.

Maybe that was what Lucius called attacking the ministry and trying to raze it to the ground while innocent, hard working people were inside, but Severus had a slightly different opinion, not that he'd share it with Lucius. He was not looking forward to the next battle, which was aimed directly at aurors, their families and headquarters. Who knew how many people would end up dying while they chased after the blue robes they were meant to be after? And of course, after slaughtering every auror in the ministry, they would be going after the families of those slain aurors. It was enough to want to make him throw his wand down and go to Azkaban. At least there life would make a bit more sense.

Smiling thinly, he accepted the glass of wine being offered him and then pretended to look interested as Lucius droned on and on about something.


	29. Chapter 29

Path of Shaded Light

Chapter 29

'History is the poisoned well, seeping into the groundwater. It's not the unknown past we're doomed to repeat, but the past we know.'

- 'Fugitive Pieces' by Anne Michaels

Feb. 27th, 1981

Ministry of Magic

"Davies, you're not in the apparation circle! Are you blind?"

"No, sir."

"Then move into position!"

Ignoring the rain streaming through the trees they were all huddled beneath, Severus frowned through his mask and stalked around his assistants, making sure they were all within the apparation circles which had been drawn onto the ground.

In his pockets, he fingered the long list of names which master had handed out to every master that morning. There were quite a few familiar names on that list, including Alastor Moody, Amelia Bones, and Frank and Alice Longbottom. But the one name which had nearly made his heart drop into his stomach was Lily Potter. James' name was on there too but he wouldn't be at the ministry and would be targeted by another group later that day.

Although he had known that this day was coming for weeks, he still couldn't get over having his best friend being specifically targetted again. Their instructions were crystal clear. Apparate into the ministry and make their way as quickly as possible to auror headquarters and exterminate as many of them as possible. At this time of day most of the aurors would be milling around, gossiping and working. The headmaster and he had tried to have some large assignment occur on the designated day, but the espionage assistants had always caught wind of it and changed the date. Finally seeing that preventing the fight wasn't going to be possible, the headmaster ensured that certain aurors knew of the attack and would make discreet preparations. Severus just hoped the preparations would be discreet enough and strong enough.

When he was satisfied that all of his assistants were in the circles, he glared at them all and told them not to move an inch. If any of them put even a toe out of the circle, it would be left behind and a fat lot of good a splinched assistant would do him.

Turning around, he dug in his pocket and pulled out a dusty sphere. "The cauldrons are ready for apparation."

The fog in the sphere started swirling and Severus stepped amongst his assistants.

"Wands!" He called out, pulling his own out. Watching the sphere, he waited until it glowed green, signaling that the espionage assistant at the other end was ready for them. Then he raised his wand and loudly counted down from three, after which his felt himself hurling through that tight airless tunnel. He just hoped everybody else was staying with him and he wouldn't arrive in London by himself.

Finally, the world swam before his eyes and came into focus again. He was standing in the middle of a room filled with shelves of papers and boxes. Probably some sort of archive.

An espionage assistant was busily counted all of his people. Severus turned and silently counted them as well. Satisfied that they had all made it, he strode forward, pulling the sphere out again.

"The cauldrons are in position, my Lord."

He waited patiently as the fog swirled and then turned green. At that, he stuffed it into his pocket and glanced at his assistant, who stood silent and stiff, waiting for his orders. "Let's go!"

Without waiting to see if they were keeping up, he ran out of the room, wand held before him. As he raced down the corridor, stunning anybody who came across him, he found himself hoping that the other teams had arrived safely and not been thrown into Azkaban. Launching a massive assault against the ministry was risky enough but not having each and every one of their people fighting—with the obvious exceptions of Narcissa— would make it suicidal. At the same time, he hoped that Evans had been able to implement all of their careful safeguards and that the aurors would give them as good of a fight as he hoped.

The hallways were soon filled with screams and cries as curses flew and furniture exploded, people flew through the air and smoke and fire sizzled through rooms. Reaching a junction, he yelled for his people to spread out, not needing or wanting them to cluster around him. Turning a corner, he ran smack into Bella, who screamed in delight and jumped on him.

He smiled for a brief moment, having chosen this corridor specifically since he knew the interogations assistants would be apparating to an empty bathroom here.

"Sevvie! Isn't this ruckus wonderful?"

"It'll stop being wonderful if we get our heads blown off. Come on, we have to get to auror headquarters before those thickheads get down here first!"

Turning around they raced down the corridor, throwing curses and spells at anybody in their paths and spinning and dodging anything that came their way, not even having to look at each other.

XXXXXX

Smiling widely, Lily gestured for the group of wealthy, if somewhat hard of hearing and fat witches and wizards she was giving a tour around the ministry to follow her down another corridor.

She nodded and smiled at Mr. Trumpkin's loud declaration of something or other while she fingered the dark detector in her pocket. She needed to time this impeccably.

She knew Jugson and her assistants had been planning this for months. They had managed to sabotage the dark wards in certain places in the ministry, making it possible for large numbers of dark wizards to apparate in without anybody detecting them. They had purposefully chosen locations where they knew nobody would be passing by, especially no aurors with handheld dark detectors, which not even espionage masters could fool. So Lily had volunteered to give a visiting group of dignitaries a tour of the ministry, despite how much she loathed leading around people whose only concern was how their money was being spent in here and not about the war raging all around them.

Sev had told her all of the locations where they would be apparating in and approximate times of their arrivals.

She glanced at the clock on the wall beside her and increased her pace a bit more.

"And if you'll follow me down here, we'll soon come to an old interogations chamber used by the MLE in the 15th century."

Turning around the corner, she fingered the portkey she had in her other pocket. Any minute now. She slowed down as she reached the door, straining to hear voices or feel anything from the small pebble in her pocket.

Finally, a small wave of magic flowed through the door and the pebble vibrated madly.

"That's very interesting, Mrs. Potter. Are there any potentially valuable artifacts left

in—"

Spinning around, she quickly shoved the group of dignitaries in a group and pressed the portkey into one of their hands.

"What on earth? What is the meaning of—"

"Auror Potter! I was under the impression that—"

Ignoring their outraged protests, she watched as they quickly disappeared.

Pulling out another stone from her pocket, she quietly whispered Moody's name, edging away from the door and hiding around another corner, pulling out her wand. His face appeared in the stone. "One of the groups just arrived. In the old interogations room."

He nodded and disappeared.

Stuffing the stone back into her pocket, she tensed, slowing down her breathing and getting ready to tackle the Death Eaters who would come out of that room at any moment.

XXXXXX

Magic sizzled around him as he deflected another curse and sent the wizard flying backwards and down the corridor. Feeling curses flying at him from behind, he levitated and spun upside down, deflecting them and sending some of his own back with them.

He squinted through the haze of smoke and flying bits of parchment and the occasional owl or cat which raced past the chaos. He heard somebody shouting in a panic that anti-apparation wards had just been put up and he grimly smiled behind his mask. Good. That would cut off most of their escape routes. The aurors did seem to be using their heads.

"Sevvie! Let's go find auror headquarters. I want to see if they have any funny pictures of me."

Shaking his head, he swore and hurried after her as she ran down the corridor, laughing and blasting portraits off the wall.

XXXXXX

Racing through a hail of curses, James ducked as Sirius stopped to fire back a few of his own.

"Come on, Padfoot! We don't have time!"

"What? No time to blast some of these stinking sticks of filth into pieces? Come on, Jamie!"

"Lily said I can't be here, Sirius! Do you never pay attention? We have to get out of here." He paused when he realized his friend was still dueling two Death Eaters behind him. "Sirius!" he yelled, gasping for breaths. They were so damn close to the elevator and there was no telling when they would seal it off.

Laughing, Sirius fired off a few more hexes before being hit in the side. Spinning around with a cry, he fell onto the ground.

Swearing, James hurried forward and fired off a few curses before dragging his friend out of the way and hiding behind a wall.

"Damn it, Sirius! Lily was damn specific! They're targeting aurors and their families specifically! We can't both be here!"

"Why the ruddy hell not? Alice and Frank are both here."

"That was their choice, Sirius! Come on! You know I can't stay here!"

"Why the ruddy hell not? Moony's babysitting so Harry's fine. What else is there to worry about?"

James rolled his eyes as he ducked around the corner and fired at the advancing Death Eaters. Why did they have to have this argument here and now of all places?

"Because of the prophecy, you nimwit!"

"Are you still on about that?" Sirius gasped out, holding his side but leaning over James' legs to throw a curse at the two Death Eaters, who were slowing down and sauntering towards them, knowing they were cornered.

"Yes, I am. Dumbledore and Lily both say we've got to take it seriously because You-Know-Who is taking it seriously! Now can we get out of here before Lily catches me here? She'll go hysterical. I told you it was a bad idea to swing by so soon before the battle."

"Alright, alright. You're starting to sound like Peter. Next thing you know we'll be hiding at your place too while your little wifey fights for both of us."

"Sirius, lay off Lily and leave Peter alone. Fighting's not for everybody."

He sighed loudly. "Fine. Here we go. On the count of three run to the elevator."

Pulling out a handful of explosive dungbombs out of his robe pockets, Sirius counted to three and then threw them at the Death Eaters. Momentarily blinded by the flash and overwhelmed by the smell, the two of them collapsed. As they started madly throwing curses in any and all directions, James pulled Sirius to his feet and they stumbled to the elevator. Slamming the grating shut, James glanced up at the ceiling as he madly pressed the button labelled 'ground level'.

"Come on, move it!"

"_We're sorry. This lift is momentarily out of order due to the amount of chaos occuring within the ministry. As soon as the situation becomes stable, this lift will resume operations. We apologize for any inconvenience. Have a nice day_."

"Fuck!" James screamed, pounding on the grating as he quickly mulled things over. Damn ministry precautions!

Sirius was putting up shield after shield to protect them from the oncoming curses, some of which were getting a bit too close for comfort, giving that their castors were still stumbling around.

"Sirius, I think we've got to stay."

"So we're fighting?"

James took a deep breath. "Yes, damn it, we have to if we want to get out of here in one piece. Damn it, Lily is going to kill me."

Laughing, Sirius pulled open the grating, already stumbling out and hexing the two Death Eaters while James followed him, hoping that if he was going to die, then the Death Eaters would finish him off. It would be less painful than the fit his wife would have when she found out that he had stayed.

As he ducked around a corner, the only thing running through his head again and again was: "_You've defied him twice now. You've defied him twice now_."

XXXXXX

"How many of them are dead?"

"23 aurors, my lord."

"I don't give a damn how many of the old, wrinkled vermin are dead. How many of our special targets have been eliminated?"

"The Nellys, my lord."

"What about their daughter?"

"Killed in their home, my lord. Indira's aunt was with the child. She was killed as well."

"Good. Take them off the chart. And what of the others?"

A pause and the shuffling of papers. "Rubin Faggin was killed in his home, my Lord. Only his wife remains."

"Good. Take the Faggins off the chart as well. And the rest? The Longbottoms? The Cravens? That redhaired mudblood, what was her name?"

"Potter, my lord. I'm afraid they all survived. Both the attack at the ministry and their home invasions. Some of the auror spouses were present at the battle and fought as well."

A pause. "Mark it on the chart."

"Yes, my lord."

"Have any of them defied me thrice?"

"Not yet, my Lord. This would have been the Faggins third time, my Lord, but Rubin did not survive."

"Send a team to get rid of his wife too and their little brat. I don't want to take any chances."

"Yes, my lord."

"And keep a careful eye on the others. I cannot emphasize how important it is to monitor them especially carefully."

"Yes, my lord."

"Now get out of my sight."

Mar. 3rd, 1981

Hogwarts School

A sizzle of light, a flash, a cry of dismay followed by a thud.

"You're dropping your left arm, Evans! It weakens the top section of your shield, damn it!"

"Yes, thank you, I can see that now!" she gasped out, lying flat on her back.

"Then do something about it!"

Taking a deep breath, she flipped herself up, putting up a shield around herself as she went. She spun around, sending a stream of magic flying at her opponent, who deflected it and flipped over her, throwing a hex at her.

Moving with him and never taking her eyes off him, she sent a quick volley of curses at him, forcing him to twist and spin to avoid all of them. It didn't stop him from still attacking her, of course, attack first, defend later. She clenched her left hand into a fist above her head and grit her teeth, keeping her shield strong and level as she fired off another curse with her wand.

Finally, Sev stopped, freezing her spell as it sped towards him. Reaching out almost lazily, he flicked the ball of light with his fingers and it exploded in a shower of ash and streamed to the ground.

She nearly collapsed, gasping for breath, covered in sweat and utterly exhausted, but damn it, she had kept her shield up.

"Good, Evans. There is some improvement."

She stuck her tongue out at him as she bent over, hands on her knees, feeling her heart thudding in her ears.

"Some improvement, my arse. Damn it, I need a break."

Severus conjured two chairs and she collapsed into it while a glass of water appeared in front of her nose. Grabbing it, she drank it down and then leaned back, arms splayed over the arms of the chair and her eyes closed.

She heard the rustling of papers and opened one eye to see Sev taking out an enormous stack of papers and a quill and immediately bending over them, sorting, reading, marking and shuffling.

"Damn it, do you never stop?"

"These reports aren't going to mark themselves or sort themselves, Evans."

"Sev, you're getting too damn thin again and you're not sleeping enough."

"I'm eating and sleeping just fine."

"Quit being an idiot and quit lying. If you're not going to eat properly than at least drink down some nutitional drinks from time to time."

"I'll make a note of it."

"Good. How much are you sleeping?"

"Enough."

"Sev.."

"I've never needed a lot of sleep, Evans. I'm fine."

"How much?"

An undistinguishable murmur.

"What?"

A sigh. "Four to five hours a night."

"Right, that's if you sleep at all! Sev, you're taking on too much! Why don't you just tell Mister Red Eyes that you don't want to be a master anymore?"

He smirked and briefly tore his eyes off Gleeson's report riddled with grammatical mistakes which he was busy correcting. "I can't do that, Evans."

She sighed and was quiet for a moment. "I don't get him, Sev. I really don't."

"And I keep telling you, that's a good thing. I've been around sadistic manipulators for too long not to understand them."

"Sev, was your father like him?"

He nearly dropped the quill he was holding and froze. He stared at her.

She quickly raised her hands and shook her head. "Never mind. It's none of my business. Forget I ever asked."

He continued staring at her while she reached for her glass of water, which he refilled for her with a flick of his finger. A thought suddenly occurred to him.

"You've never asked, Evans. Not once. Not in all the years we've known each other."

They both knew what he was talking about.

She drew lines in the condensation on her glass, not looking at him. "I was going to years ago, but I was always afraid that you would freak out, so I didn't. After a few years, I started to piece it together from the way you acted and the things the headmaster and Gorgon said. They never said anything which would betray the trust you put into them but they said little things here and there. I always figured you would tell me when you were ready, when you trusted me." She paused. "I guess that never really happened. But that's alright," she added quickly, glancing at him. "I'm a Gryff, right?" she smiled faintly.

He shook his head slowly. "No, Evans. Please don't think that. I do trust you. Why do you think I choose you to be my contact? It's just that—" he broke off, not really knowing how to say what he wanted to say.

"It's alright, Sev. We've left it alone for seven years. It doesn't need to get stirred up now."

"No, it's—" He bit his lip and stared hard at the stack of parchments, letters blurring as he stared at it. "I just never knew how to tell you. I didn't know how to put it that would make you not be completely disgusted with me."

She sat up straight with a jerk. "Sev, I would never be disgusted with you! You were a child—"

"I was a child then, but I wasn't a child three years ago."

"Sev, what does that have to do with anything?"

He sighed. "Everything, Evans. History repeated itself and I was too stupid to realize it. No, actually I was too damn comfortable to realize."

"Sev, I don't understand."

"I know. It's why I've never told anyone. I don't know how to put it into words."

"You told the headmaster."

"Indirectly. There were some rather embarrasing situations during which he guessed what had happened. And Gorgon was there during the whole thing."

She was silent for a while. "Do you want me to know?"

He stared at her, fiddling with the quill in his hands. "I want you to understand why I did what I did. Why I spent a year lying at his feet and thinking it was the best place on earth, no matter what he did to me."

"Then don't try to say it, Sev. Write it down."

He smiled thinly. "The story of Severus Snape, huh?"

"Well, the first bit of it anyway."

He sighed and scratched his temple with the quill. It was difficult enough for his elf to understand the twisted meanderings of his mind, never mind making Evans understand it. But he wanted her to understand. He'd shared everything else with her, he might as well share this with her.

"Alright. I'll write it down, but don't expect it to be pretty or brilliant."

She grinned.

"So, I think we've had enough of a break."

Getting off his chair and waving his hand at his papers which flew into a pile and into a corner, he waved his hand at the chairs and they disappeared, dumping Lily onto the floor with a scream as the water spilt onto her.

"Damn it, Sev!" She laughed, lying flat on the floor.

He smiled, getting into dueling position. She pushed herself up and stretched briefly before facing off before him.

"Alright, now remember—"

"My bloody left arm, I know, I know! Merlin!"


	30. Chapter 30

Path of Shaded Light

Chapter 30

Author's Note: I'm terribly sorry about the delay. I actually wrote two chapters worth of stuff, only to realize that it wasn't time for any of that wonderful stuff to happen yet, so I had to scramble and reorganize that amazing incoherent mess of a chart on which I try to make myself believe I have charted the path of this story. Anyhow, thank you for your kind and inspiring feedback! Anybody with any questions, feel free to leave them in a review and leave me your email and I'll get back to you. Enjoy and drop me a line telling me what you thought!

'Your mother was there for me at a time when no one else was. Not only was she a singularily gifted witch, she was also an uncommonly kind one. She had a way of seeing the beauty in others even when, most especially when that person couldn't see it in themselves.'

- Remus Lupin about Lily Evans (Azkaban movie)

Mar. 7th, 1981

Hogwarts School

Following the headmaster into his office, she yawned and stretched.

"I might just fall asleep on your couch, sir."

Albus chuckled as he shut the door behind them and immediately went to his desk, rummaging around and pulling out drawers, shutting them, touching them with his wand and then opening them again and rummaging around again. Damn it, when would he learn to be a little more organized? Minerva was always going on and on about it.

"You would be more than welcome to make use of my couch, Mrs. Potter, but I believe Mr. Potter was quite firm about the fact that you were to put young Harry to bed."

She sighed. "I know. Peter is watching him still. He was so sore about not being needed at the meeting."

Closing another drawer and turning around to sort through the chest of drawers beside his desk, he smiled distractedly.

"I would think some peace and quiet would suit our Mr. Pettigrew just fine."

She snorted. "Like he'll get any of it. Sirius is taking the whole lot of them out to a pub somewhere. I just know I'll get flooed in about five hours, being asked by a bartender to please come and drag the drunken sods back home."

"It's better than Mr. Black attempting to get back home on that magnificent motorcycle of his."

"I wouldn't stop him if he tried. The git deserves to fly straight into a pole somewhere."

She stretched again and scowled at the thought of her son's godfather. Immediately her thoughts turned to her son and her face stretched into a smile.

"I beg your pardon, Mrs. Potter. It's here somewhere. Severus gave it to me personally just this morning."

She gave a start. "It's something from Sev? I thought it was new guard rotations for next week."

"It is, my dear, but there is also the letter…ah! Here it is." Taking out a little pebble from the bottom of an empty inkwell, he held it up and closed his hands over it, murmuring softly. Immediately, his hand seemed to glow and he was suddenly holding a sheaf of parchment and a thick envelope.

"There you go, Mrs. Potter. I'm terribly sorry about the delay. Minerva would have my head if she knew how disorganized this office has gotten lately."

Taking the two things from him, she felt herself going slightly numb as she stared at the envelope.

She was about to put them into her pocket when she paused. She didn't want to read this at home. It was too private.

"Sir, would you mind if I stayed here for a bit?"

His eyes twinkled sadly and he smiled briefly. "Of course. Take all the time you want. I am needed in the kitchen anyway."

Bidding her a good night, he left his office, leaving her with silence. She stood there for a moment, wishing for some company, but knew that this letter wasn't meant for any other ears or eyes.

Sitting on the couch, she opened the letter and pulled out a thick pile of parchment, covered in Sev's familiar, spidery thin and tiny writing.

Taking a deep breath, she pressed her lips together.

_Dear Evans,_

_You have no idea how many times I have started this over. My table looks like a battle was fought on it with scraps of parchment and crumpled quills all over it. My elf thinks I'm trying to write a particularily prickly letter to one of our contacts in Knockturn Alley, reprimanding him for delivering us the wrong species of salamanders._

_I have no idea how this will turn out, but as I've learned from you, there's no point in dancing around the cauldron, one might as well jump right in._

From there, the letter seemed to go on forever, spinning the most horrid story Lily had ever heard. She read about Seranius Snape's drug addiction and how it eventually turned him as mad as his father before him and the horrid mental, physical Severus suffered as a result of it, which eventually escalated into sexual abuse and neglect, only having Gorgon to depend on for comfort and guidance. How his father had warped his mind and made him believe he deserved the abuse and needed to be grateful for it. How he had slowly hardened himself and grown to accept his father's abuse so he wouldn't drown in fear and pain. How his mother had been kept imprisoned in her own mind by the imperius curse and finally managed to break free from it, murdering her husband and giving her son the chance for a better life. How Gorgon had fled to headmaster Dumbledore for help and how Severus came to arrive at Hogwarts with only a pack of books and his elf beside him. How Severus had been shocked to discover that the headmaster was different from his Father and cared about him a great deal. How the headmaster had taught Severus what it felt like to be loved and cared for.

From now on, the story became more familiar, briefly skimming over their school years together. Finally, there came their sixth year and that absolutely stupid prank Sirius played on him, nearly getting him and Remus killed. Suddenly, she saw the entire incident with different eyes. Severus didn't care that Sirius hadn't been expelled because he had no where else to go and keeping him in school would keep him out of trouble, he only cared that he hadn't been expelled and naturally came to the conclusion that the headmaster didn't care about him and thought of him as worthless and only took him in out of pity. Now she understood why he had been so easily pulled in by Lucius' friendly smiles and caring attitude. She also understood why he had been so excited and eager to join Mister Red Eyes. In a world of people who he thought didn't give a damn about him, there were people saying they cared about him. People who wanted him around. People who thought he was brilliant, wonderful and would be welcomed by them with open arms. Of course he ran right into those arms without even looking around or taking the time to think. She read about the abuse he suffered at the hands of his new master, how he rationalized it the same way his father had and how comforting this familiarity was to Severus. But one thing saved him. That tiny voice within himself which had been bred by years spent at Hogwarts. That tiny voice allowing him to tell the difference between what was right and what was wrong. When that voice threatened to overwhelm him and started telling him that his master was wrong and it was right, he turned to drugs to silence it. Finally, Gorgon managed to make him see what was happening around himself and how deep of a mess he had gotten himself into and they both crawled back to Hogwarts, neither of them thinking they would live to see another day.

The rest of the tale she knew. How her shy, withdrawn friend had turned into a sly, powerful wizard and a brilliant spy who had helped turn this war in their favor.

_There. That's all of it. I hope it wasn't too dreary or confusing. I've tried to explain it was well as I could, but my mind has never made much sense to me so it probably won't to you. Alright. Now that that's over with, I've got a million other things to do and so do you. _

_I'll see you at practice tomorrow night at ten o'clock in the evening. Don't be late and don't forget to warm up before hand._

_Your Slytherin spy,_

_Severus Snape_

Gently holding the parchment in her hands, she realized she was crying softly, tears streaming down her face. She smoothed the parchment and took a shaky breath.

"It's not an easy tale to hear, Mrs. Potter."

She glanced up with a start and found the headmaster staring out of his window.

She wasn't surprised to find him standing there or about the fact that he knew what she'd read.

"It's why you didn't try to stop him when he ran away, isn't it? You knew he wouldn't listen."

"He was living in his own world, Lily. Children who suffer years of abuse are accustomed to forcing their minds to interpret the world around them and rationalize it in their own way. They cannot accept that their parents are simply cruel, they find excuses for their behavior and force their minds to accept these excuses as the truth. Unfortunately, in most cases, this truth is distorted and terribly wrong but they will cling to it in desperation, for it is all they have. In some cases, they never allow their own truth to crumble and see the world for what it really is. It takes extraordinarily strong people to see the people around them for what they are, even if they love them deeply."

She smiled briefly. "He's always going on and on about how I'm the stronger one of us, but it's not true. I'm more outgoing, sure, but I don't think I could have lived through any of this and come out in one piece."

"He is not in one piece, Lily, never forget that. The pieces have been taken apart and put back together many times, but he is hanging on and fighting everyday to make himself whole again."

"He'll never be able to do it though, will he?"

"People like Severus will never truly be whole, Lily. Their minds will always work in different ways than ours, just like their actions do. Some can never recover and drown in the world they have created around themselves and others spend their whole lives fighting to cling to the small haven they have found within themselves. All we can do is help give them the love and support they need to keep clinging and they can come ever closer to healing."

They were both silent for a while. "Headmaster?"

"Yes, Lily?"

She swallowed hard, feeling her pain turning into anger. It boiled just beneath her skin, filling her with fire.

"If he wouldn't be dead, I'd kill him."

"I felt the same way when Severus first told me what had been going on in that house. Azkaban would be a small price to pay for ridding the earth of such horrid creatures."

She grit her teeth. "But _he's_ still alive."

The headmaster sighed sadly. "Yes, he is. And Severus isn't the only one who has suffered at his hands like this. Many of his other followers are nothing but misguided, hurt children who believe he loves them."

"It's not enough that he fights other wizards and kills muggles by the hundreds for simply existing, but he's got to destroy the people around him too."

"We are doing all we can, Lily. Although, I must admit, merely killing him would give me no satisfaction."

She glared at the carpet, hate welling up within her. "I'll find a way to make him pay, headmaster. I swear I will."

"Lily, he is one of the most powerful dark wizard to ever have existed."

"I don't care." She raised her eyes, angry tears brimming her eyes. "Don't you stand there and tell me he's going to get away with it! Don't you dare try to convince me that this world is so fucked up that he's just going to die of old age, surrounded by the madness he created. It's not fair and I won't let it happen." She didn't realize she was screaming at him until she was gasping for breath.

Albus sighed softly as he looked at her, anger and pain filling her eyes. He knew better than to argue with her.

Seeing that he wasn't going to argue or make her see the reason which she was pushing into the back of her mind, she smiled grimly and looked down at Sev's letter again. She didn't care that a tiny, very Slytherin voice inside her head was whispering that she would never stand a chance against him and would probably never even come face to face with him and that she couldn't even keep up a shield when fighting Sev, never mind somebody with his power. But she didn't care. She had made Sev a promise that she would make him pay. She didn't give a damn if she was being a deluded Gryffindor by clinging to that promise. It gave her a purpose and made her damn determined not to lose this war, no matter what would happen. She knew Sev was so desperately scared that they would lose and the entire world would turn into the mad reality Voldemort had created around himself in the dark manor. Well, she would fight until her last breath to keep that from happening. For Sev, for her, for James, for Harry and for anybody else who had ever suffered at the hands of cruel, domineering abusers.

Taking out her wand, she set the letter on the floor and set them on fire, watching the words lighting up as the bright flames consumed them. She smiled grimly, the flames reflecting in her green eyes.

Mar. 10th, 1981

Hogwarts School

"And these—" Severus pulled out a spare glove from his robe pocket and set it on the headmaster's desk. Moving his hands over it and muttering the incantations, he watched it slowly morph back into the small wooden box he had put the bottles in. He opened the lid and revealed the dozens of small vials. "—are the antidotes. I've written down the poisons exact symptoms and which antidote and what dosage to use."

The headmaster smiled, taking the box. "I can't tell you how happy the healers at St. Mungo's are everytime Mrs. Potter shows up with one of her anonymously donated gifts."

Lily smirked. "They keep thinking I have my own personal potions master hidden in a closet somewhere."

Severus rolled his eyes as he shook his head. He had been so afraid that things would be awkward between them after giving her the letter, but it turned out that he needn't have worried. The day after she read the letter, she had gone to meet him in a pub to discuss the possibility of a very important ministry official having become an espionage recruit a few days ago. She had come in and hugged him so tightly that he thought she'd crush him by accident. Then she'd whispered that she was proud of him and had never been prouder to call him her best friend. Then she'd let him go, given him a smile and ordered him a firewhisky. Before the bartender had even taken out two glasses for them, she was already off, ranting about traitors in the ministry and her son's godfather (who had nearly run her over the day before when he thought the appropriate place to apply his brakes would be two inches before their front door). She didn't mention the letter again and Severus was silently relieved. She knew everything now, but that didn't mean he could openly discuss it with her. He wasn't ready for that and she knew that.

Lily sat down in her chair beside Severus and grinned at his sigh. "So, who's this Fenrir Greyback that you're both freaking out about?"

The headmaster and Severus exchanged a serious glance, both of them having discussed this until the early hours of the morning a few days before.

"He's the alpha of one of the largest werewolf packs in England."

Lily frowned, understanding the problem immediately. "So Mister Red Eyes wants werewolves on his team too, huh? Aren't giants and Dementors enough?"

"Evans, nothing is ever enough for him. The more allies he has, the fewer allies we have."

She bit her lip. "Do you think Remus could do anything?"

Severus stiffened at the mention of the werewolf. "Yes, he could join his fellow murderers."

"Sev, leave Remus alone."

"Mrs. Potter, I don't believe Remus could do much in the way of swaying Greyback's allegiance right now. We have nothing to offer them which would tempt them to consider staying neutral or coming onto our side."

"And what does Mister Red Eyes have to offer them? Hundreds of children?"

Nobody answered her. She clenched her jaw and glanced at the floor. "Well what can we do?"

"There isn't anything we can do except try to keep the damage the werewolves do to a minimum. Lucius has been in negotiations with them for weeks already and Mulciber is an old friend of Greyback's. Greyback is to meet with the Dark Lord in two days time and discuss the finer points of their agreement. There isn't anything I can do to interfere with the meeting."

Silence settled around them again. Dealing with Lord Voldemorts allies was always tricky. The reason they joined the dark side was simple enough. Lord Voldemort promised them unlimited freedom to embrace their darkness and do whatever they wanted, which was a lot more than the wizarding world had been allowing them (for obvious reasons). There had always been a fair share of problems associated with their new found allies as well of course. The giants were awful at following precise orders and mostly caused more problems than the opposing side during a battle and the Dark Lord only used them to wreak havoc on certain towns when he was bored. The dementors were another matter as well. They were very successful with incapacitating the enemy, but unfortunately, didn't discriminate between ally and foe and caused just as many Death Eaters to sit motionless in the middle of a street, staring at nothing while a thick fog of depression and sadness settled on them. Even though the majority of Death Eaters weren't bothered by their consciences, they couldn't fight off the clutch of sadness which the Dementors brought with them. Severus nearly fell off Xira every time they were near, screams and faces flooding his mind and nearly making him stop breathing and he relied on Bella to order the Dementors away from them, since she appeared to be completely unafffected by them. Severus despised their allies and couldn't stand having to work with them during battles and raids and did his best to stay clear of them. Greyback's pack would be a similar nightmare, but they would have to face that when it came.

After promising that Fawkes would rely any essential information concerning Greyback after the meeting to the headmaster, Albus excused himself to go and see Minerva about something.

Lily got up and stretched, frowning down at her cloak as she did. "Damn it! More frayed threads! I just patched the damn thing up last week."

Severus smiled wryly and leaned over to double check the list of poison symptoms and treatments he had left on the headmaster's desk.

"We've been fighting a war for nearly three years, Evans. One would think you'd become used to frayed cloaks and dirty boots by now."

She grimaced. "I really should be, shouldn't I?" She glanced at Severus' cloak and frowned at the two circular burn marks close to his shoulder.

"What were those from?"

Severus glanced at the places she was pointing at and rolled his eyes. "Two killing curses that missed me by stupid luck. One from Trelley and the other from Burginham."

He watched Fawkes strutting around the headmaster's desk. The phoenix had died a few hours ago and was running around, tripping over quills and chirping, taking full advantage of the fact that he was considered a baby and could be as annoying and loud as he wanted. Severus leaned over and tipped the quill Fawkes was trying to hop over and smirked when the bird landed on his face with an indignant squawk. The tiny bird glared at him before scampering away behind Albus' tea mug.

"Why didn't you patch it up? Burginham was nearly a year ago, wasn't it?"

Severus shrugged and stretched. "I don't bloody remember. There have been too many fights and too many dead and too many curses sizzling past my ears for me to keep track. Besides, Bella says they're my battle scars and I shouldn't fix them up."

Lily snorted. They lapsed into silence for a while. Lily was shifting around and fiddling with her hair.

"What, Evans?"

"What what?"

"Spit it out already."

She sighed and put her feet up on the headmaster's desk. "I've been thinking about how things could have been different, Sev. Not for me, but for you."

Severus sighed and put down the paper. "Evans, don't do this."

She spun around and faced him, forcing him to look at her. "Why the hell not, Sev? Your Father ruined your life when he was alive and then again when he was dead and Mister Red Eyes took up the slack."

"Evans—"

"No, listen to me! You were at the top of our class for six years, Sev! You had a scholarship and an apprenticeship at the ministry waiting for you! You had a free ride from school to your own department at the ministry, and they took that all away from you! And now look! You're fighting a war you never wanted to be a part of and you're bonded for life to a sick sadist, and you're not even angry!"

He slammed his fist onto the arms of his chair and leaned towards her, his eyes darkening. "Of course I'm angry, Evans! I'm angry as hell! They both took advantage of me, hurt me and used my mind and body for their own pleasures and never gave a damn what I wanted and how I felt! But what the hell am I supposed to do? Sit here and feel sorry for myself and the mess I've landed in? What the hell good is that going to do, hm? I can't refuse to do what he wants and I can't refuse to let him to do what he wants to me or he'll kill me and I can't run from him because he'll find me and make me suffer for it. I made a mistake Evans, I know that and I'm going to pay for that mistake for the rest of my life. I knew a long time ago that I can't get away from this, so why bother moaning about it?"

She clenched her jaw and leaned back in her chair. "I hate them both."

"I know that."

"And I'd kill them both if I could."

"I know that too, and believe me, knowing that makes all of this a little bit more bearable."

They sank into silence once more until Lily glanced at him again.

"I didn't mean to bring any of this up but I ran into a familiar face yesterday."

"Who?"

"Lisa Kaybourne."

"Who?" He was momentarily distracted by Fawkes' chirping. The grey fluffball that was Fawkes was chirping and shivering slightly. He leaned forward and scooped the tiny chick into his hands and gently wrapped him in the folds of his robes. "_You're such a baby sometimes, Fawkes! It's not cold in here_."

"_You try only wearing fluff! And I am a baby, thank you very much_."

She sighed. "Lissandra Kaybourne, Sev! Don't you remember?"

He frowned and then shook his head. "Evans do you have any idea how many names I have to carry around in my head? How am I supposed to remember every random name you throw at me?"

"Because Lisa was the Ravenclaw second from the top of the class, always right behind you, and she was the girl you had a serious crush on in school!"

He frowned, trying to remember but too many things had happened since his school days for him to recall her face. "I don't remember her, Evans. Anyway, what the hell does it matter?"

"She's at the ministry now."

"Good for her. Wonderful. Absolutely marvelous. Why am I supposed to care?"

"Because you could be her, Sev!"

"What?"

She sighed, sounding angry. "She got the scholarship after you lost it and she got the apprenticeship and the tuition money! She apprenticed at the ministry for a year and they thought she was such a brilliant little knut that they've made her assistant head of the Magical Research department last week."

Severus' stomach gave a weird lurch at hearing that but he shrugged it off. "So? Good for her."

It was Lily's turn to slam her fist onto her chair. "So! Is that all you can say? So? The girl stole your future, Sev!"

"She didn't steal anything, Evans, she just picked up something I threw away! Can we change the subject now? I already get to look forward to a long celebration of my collegues joining forces with werewolves in a few days and I don't need this shit on top of that."

"Sev, what are you going to do after the war?"

He stared at her. "After the what?"

"The war! What are you going to do after the war? After we win and the dark side is thrown over, what are you going to do?"

"Go to Azkaban like all the other good little Death Eaters and finally get some peace."

"Don't be stupid, Albus would vouch for you at your trail and if they don't feel like giving you one, they'll have the headmaster to deal with. Don't worry about it, Sev. So, if not Azkaban, then what?"

He kept staring at her. Where the hell had any of this come from? "I don't know."

"Then think, Sev! What would you like to do after the war? It's a simple enough question."

"It's an irrelevant question."

"Don't be a difficult git, just answer the damn question."

"Right, I'm the one being difficult," he muttered.

He sighed loudly, but decided that answering her would be the fastest way to get this conversation over with. "There aren't exactly a lot of options for me, Evans. I mean, who the hell would want to hire an ex-Death Eater, a former junkie and a highschool drop out all in one?"

She leaned forward suddenly, her eyes sparking as if she had been waiting for him to say that. "But don't you want to do something about that?"

"Do something about what? I don't want to cut my arm off and that's the only thing that will make my lovely little tattoo go away."

"I don't mean that, Sev, I know we can't change that. But what about school?"

"What about school?" He had no idea where the hell she was going with this, but he thought he'd be polite and let her finish.

"You dropped out in April of our seventh year, Sev! You only missed the last few months of lessons and your NEWTS!"

He stared at her and finally caught onto what she wanted to say. "Evans, are you crazy? I can't just march into the ministry and say 'Excuse me, I never got a chance to write my NEWTS three years ago since I decided to run off and become a Death Eater, but since I'm his potions master now I feel secure enough in my employment to want to finish school'?"

Her eyes were bright as she grabbed his hands. "Sev, there could be a way! I asked Auror Moody about it the other day and he sent me up to talk to Mrs. Marchbanks and she said that anybody who had a good academic standing—which you did—could attempt their NEWTS in the subjects that they got an E or an O on for your OWLS—which you did for all of them—as long as they're attempting them within five years of dropping out!"

He stared at her, for the first time realizing that she was serious. "Evans, you want me to go back to school?"

"Well, not back to school exactly, but finish school, yes."

"It's been three years since I wrote a test!"

She waved a hand. "That doesn't matter. What matters is that you've been doing NEWT level things for the past three years, haven't you? It should be a piece of cake, Sev! All you had to do was read up on the few things you never learned and then you could write them."

"It's not that simple! First of all, I don't have the time to study for anything. I spend half my time here with you and the headmaster and the other half at the dark manor doing a million things everyday."

"I'd help you, Sev! I swear. I'll stay up all night if I have to."

"And what about the simple but stunning fact that nobody will let a Death Eater write his NEWTS?"

"You leave that to me and the headmaster."

"He knows about this insanity?"

"We've been chit chatting about it for a while. Only casually of course!" She grinned at him. He scowled, knowing that had been cornered. By none other than two Gryffs.

He sighed and sat back. "Evans, why is this so important to you?"

"Because I want you to be able to live the life you want once the war's over, Sev. And like you said, nobody will hire you without a high school diploma. Even though you can't erase your past, you can try to make it look a little better."

He sat there and quietly thought it over. It was crazy. He didn't have time for this and he didn't really want to do this. He was still probably going to be chucked in Azkaban when the war was over, if he lived that long.

But Evans wanted this for him.

He sighed. "Alright. I'll give it a try."

She squealed and laughed outloud as she threw her arms around him and nearly squeezed the life out of him. "That's my Sev! Thank you!"

"Hey, I'm not promising anything, Evans! I still might die tomorrow or fail all of them, you know!"

She laughed and swatted him lightly over the back of the head.


	31. Chapter 31

Path of Shaded Light 

Chapter 31

Author's Notes: Well, I've been writing like crazy in the past few weeks. Finally having a laptop is threatening to be dangerous for my health. Now I can write before and after class, on the bus, even while eating. Should I get help? No? Okay, that's what I thought. I'm perfectly normal. Anyway, thank you for all of your reviews, they're what get me through midterm time. I have three chapters for you all in honor of my birthday. What was that? What can you get me for my birthday? Oh, just read my little drabbles and that'll please me endlessly. Drop me a tiny review and that'll be the icing on my imaginary cake. Enjoy!

'Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule.'

- Friedrich Nietzsche

Mar. 12th, 1981

The Dark Manor

"—proud I am to join forces with such an elite group of fighters who will aid us in our eternal quest to bring about the new world order the muggles and wizards of this earth so desperately crave." Smiling down at the group of werewolves who were kneeling before his throne, Lord Voldemort lifted up his arms and smiled at the hundreds of prostrating figures covering the floor of the large dueling chamber.

"And now, let us celebrate this joining of forces and properly welcome our new friends into our home! Fenrir, I hope you will accept this welcoming gift I have prepared especially for you and your people. Nicholas, the doors."

Avery hurried over to the doors and flung them open and quietly ordered the assistants standing outside to move them in. Moments later, about fifty children were herded into the room, stumbling over each other, their arms bound behind their backs and faces streaked with terrified tears.

Fenrir Greyback had stood up and was grinning broadly at the children, yellow eyes sparking in the dim light of the room. The rest of his savages pushed themselves up, filthy, matted hair flying around their faces, eyes all glittering with glee as they licked their lips and stretched dirty hands with long, discoloured fingernails.

Their leader turned back to Lord Voldemort and knelt down. "We thank you for this generous gift, my Lord."

Severus' skin crawled at the gravelly, low voice. He kept his face against the floor, lying on his master's right side. He had seen the children being brought in out of the corner of his mask and his stomach lurched, knowing what would be happening soon, and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it.

The Dark Lord waved a hand at him dismissively. "It was no trouble, Fenrir. Go and enjoy yourselves."

At his signal, the doors were thrown open once more and elves hurried in, dragging enormous kegs into the room and chaos broke out. Everybody stood up, clustering together in groups and hurrying towards the children, tearing them into smaller groups and hissing at each other to keep their hands off. Within moments, fights had broken out between people, fighting over particular children. The werewolves were no less greedy. They had hurried into the fray and were snarling and clawing at the other Death Eaters to keep their hands off.

Severus heard a rustle of robes. "Severus, would you like to join them?"

His stomach lurched again. "No, thank you, my Lord. I do not trust our new friends yet. I wouldn't want to leave my master alone here."

The Dark Lord laughed and laid a hand on his back. He leaned to his other side and asked Bella the same thing, who eagerly hopped up and ran into the squirmish. In moments, she was hissing and clawing just like the werewolves until she had gotten what she wanted.

Severus smiled a little, glad to see that even werewolves didn't intimidate Bella, but then he quickly remembered what they had been fighting over and the smile slid off his face.

People milled around everywhere, laughing and talking as they drank and fought with each other. Narcissa's airy laugh rang out while she was talking to Barty Crouch, who was nodding from time to time but was staring hungrily at the children and didn't appear to hear a word Narcissa was saying.

Macnair, Avery, Bella, the Lestrange brothers, Travers and dozens of others were busy demonstrating to Greyback and the other werewolves how talented they were. They took turns casting various curses on the children, ignoring their screams and tears of excrutiating pain. Macnair had ordered one of his elves to go and get his set of knives from the interrogations chambers and they set to work cutting and mutilating the children's flesh, laughing as their blood dripped from their fingers. They fed off each others laughter and brutality, licking the blood off each other and the children and tearing them to pieces which they held up as trophies. Bella stood in the middle of the throng, covered in blood and holding a bottle in one hand and one of the children's heads by blood soaked blond hair in the other. She laughed at something Greyback said and she grabbed him and started twirling around, sliding through the blood covering the floor. At one point, Clemens Mulciber came wandering over with Lucius and they managed to extract two of the children for themselves and amused themselves by putting them under the imperius curse and making them torture and rape each other. When they were done, both men were so aroused that they grabbed the children and forced them to their knees before them, grinning hungrily.

Severus watched all of it with a detachment that would surprise many, but he was so used to their depraved, sick behavior that it didn't shock him anymore. Disgust and anger him, yes, but not shock him.

That was, until the werewolves decided to show their new friends how they liked to have fun.

They launched themselves at the remaining children, tearing their clothes off and panting at the thin, shaking bodies below them. Severus waited for the curses and the raping to start, but it never came. Instead, the werewolves leapt on them and tore at their flesh with their bare teeth, blood dripping down their chins and throats. The taste of blood and the screams of encouragement from the Death Eaters and screams of pain from the children seemed to drive them even madder and they leapt at each other, tearing the children to pieces between them, hands twisted into claws and yellow teeth glinting as blood streamed from their mouths.

He tried looking away but the sight was so unbelievably barbaric that he could just stare. They were worse than Macnair and even Bella. They weren't driven by sexual desires or by insanity or by the desire to belong to the group. They were simply driven by blood lust. Severus was so repulsed by it that he nearly threw up. After a lifetime of witnessing unbelievable cruelty, he couldn't believe what they had done. They weren't showing off or collecting trophies, they were simply savages.

He forced himself to look away from the blood bath—in which Bella was writhing on the floor, a brilliant smile on her face—and tried to think about something else.

Nothing came to him.

It seemed ludicrous that there was a world outside of this madness. For one tiny moment, Severus didn't understand how there could be a world outside of this one. How people lived without seeing blood, bodies and hearing screams everyday. After all, master was simply allowing them to have fun, wasn't he? He was giving their new friends presents—which had been a very polite and generous thing to do—and he was allowing these children to be sacrificed in the name of their cause. The children should be proud, not frightened. Their only purpose in life was serving master's needs, just like his purpose was.

Suddenly, a flash of silver lit up in his head and he would have fallen over if he wasn't already lying down. He blinked a few times, clearing the specks of silver from his sight.

That had been Fawkes.

Fawkes. The headmaster's phoenix. Hogwarts. Evans.

Suddenly, a picture of her swam up before his eyes. Her sitting at the pub with him, complaining about Sirius motorcycle. They had talked about something the last time he had seen her. Something he promised he would do.

School, that was it! School.

For a moment, he couldn't remember what school was for and he doubted even that there was such a thing, for there wasn't a school in the manor.

But suddenly, the picture of Evans laughing came back into his mind and he remembered that this madness just existed in the dark manor and that the rest of the world still had people like Evans in it. And that was the way the world was supposed to be. He remembered that now. Children weren't supposed to be given to werewolves as gifts to murder and rape and torture. No. The world was supposed to have Lily Evans in it, complaining about motorcycles and frayed threads.

A tiny smile lit up his face and he knew he could handle this.

XXXXXX

Bella giggled as she straddled him and smeared more of the blood over his chest. Severus laughed, well aware of master watching them with a lazy smile on his face, sitting in his chair beside his bed on which they lay.

Bella crept up beside him and licked her finger clean and then leaned over him. He leaned up and licked a drop of blood off the tip of her nose.

He could do this. As long as the madness stayed in this manor and as long as there was a Lily Evans out there in the real world, helping him keep this insanity bottled up in the darkness where it belonged. Because she knew what the world was supposed to be like. And because of that, so did he.

Mar. 20th, 1981

Hogwarts School

Gorgon grinned at the sleeping redhead sitting beside them at the table, her head on her arms as she slept.

"Miss Lily had enough, huh?" he whispered.

Severus smiled, turning another page in the seventh year transfiguration textbook. He glanced at the clock sitting on a pile of books on the table. It was nearly two in the morning. Surprisingly, he wasn't the least bit tired.

Gorgon had helped him make a schedule a few days before when they decided to see when he'd have time to study, if at all. Between his duties to his master, the headmaster and as potions master, they only had a few hours a night to spare. Both Gorgon and Severus got used to working for twenty hours a day and getting by on just four hours of sleep a night. It wasn't healthy, but they could pull it off.

They all knew that if he had a chance for writing his exams, he had to do it before the end of April when the first batch of new recruits would go through the recruitment ceremony and become initiates. Once their training started, Severus would have his hands full with them and wouldn't have time to even breathe.

Severus had agreed with Bella that they would rotate the nights they spend with master so he could spend every second night at Hogwarts until dawn, when he would have to crawl back to the dark manor before anybody missed him.

Lily had immediately declared that she would be there every night and she had thrown herself into their new mission with a determination that surprised them all. She showed up on the appointed times and went to the Room of Requirement and made sure their books, papers and snacks were waiting for them. Always around midnight, she would start fading and would eventually fall asleep. Severus would carry her outside and Gorgon would apparate her home and put her to bed, with James never even stirring.

Sighing, Severus glanced at the practice questions that Lily had dug out of her old notes for him. Scribbling down answers for them, he leaned over and started checking the textbook to see if he was right or not.

Gorgon was busy marking one of his history papers, checking facts against the textbook. He glanced up. "Young master knowing, this is all good, but we still not having old exams to practice with."

"The headmaster said he would bring some down tomorrow. He just has to sort through the archives and find some relevant ones," he murmured, frowning. If this had been the real exam, he would have just lost half a mark on question two. Damn it.

His elf nodded and went back to checking his paper. "Why not after those questions, we switch to herbology and astronomy and then call it night?"

"We can go longer. Training isn't until nine and Bella is attending to master's morning bath."

"Young master not wearing himself out!"

"Elf, either be quiet or go amuse yourself elsewhere. I'm staying here until four."

Nodding, Gorgon went back to reading the paper and frowned. "Young master spelled Master Herinktoniosis' name wrong three times."

He winced. "Circle it and quiz me on it tomorrow."

"Right."

"And move the stack of star charts out from under Evans. She's drooling on them."

Gorgon bit his lip and glanced at him. Both of them stared at each other before dissolving into quiet laughter.

Mar. 23rd, 1981

The Dark Manor

Red flames danced behind his closed eyelids and he winced, trying not to move. Every breathe hurt and he felt every tiny part of himself which made contact with the mattress burning dully.

"Shh, it alright. Gorgy take care of young master."

Somebody was making pitiful moaning sounds. He wanted to tell them to shut up since the noise was hurting his ears.

"It alright. Gorgy know it hurt."

Was he making these pitiful noises? He tried to hold his breathe, and the noises stopped.

"Young master not doing that, please. There nobody here but Miss Bella and Gorgon. It alright." He heard somebody humming a gentle lullaby and he relaxed slightly, listening to the quiet, familiar song.

He felt a pair of cool hands on his arm. "Sevvie can breathe as loudly as he wants to. I'll breathe loudly too." A sudden wheezing noise rose up from beside him and Severus nearly snorted with laughter, but caught himself as his ribs felt like they were snapping in two.

As his elf hurried around, muttering healing charms and instructing Bella to keep a cool cloth on his head and help lift him up slightly to swallow various potions, Gorgon kept up a stready stream of quiet humming, murmuring old Elfish lullabies.

It had been his own stupid mistake, he knew that. He had been in a hurry the day before and had skimmed over Rabastan's report without paying attention to details. If he had, he would have noticed that the moron had added 10 ml of snake venom and not 25 ml and made the resulting sleep deprivation draught useless. Master had not been pleased and had punished Severus for it, since it had been his responsibility to ensure Rabastan's work was complete and perfect.

He mentally berated himself for being sloppy. Master had been right to punish him. If had been a stupid mistake. He was so busy with his own thoughts that he barely heard his elf muttering a sleeping charm over him, and he quickly surrendered to sleep.

When he woke up, he found he could open his eyes and the burning pain in his body had been reduced to a dull ache. He knew he still couldn't stand up, but it was a start.

He licked dry lips and felt his elf holding a cup of water to his lips. He sipped it and then lay back, utterly exhausted.

"Where did Bella go?"

"She go to find Master Rabastan, I believe. He hiding in Master Barty's chambers, but Gorgy thinking she have no difficulty finding him."

He smiled grimly. That was his girl.

He glanced at his elf. "What time is it?"

"Five in afternoon."

He grimaced and squeezed his eyes shut. So much lost time.

"Elf, bring me the stack of reports we marked yesterday. We're going over all of them again. When we're done, bring Emerson to me. The snake venom was three days old and I told Rabastan to use the fresh batch."

"We supposed to get it day before yesterday evening, correct? From Xavier?"

"No, Xavier's price was outrageous. I sent Emerson to Fergio. Cheaper but same quality. I want to know why the hell it wasn't here, or if it was, why the hell Rabastan didn't use it."

"Right. I send for Miss Vega in while."

He sighed, mentally going through what else they had to do. "When is that tactical meeting with Greyback?"

"It moved to tomorrow."

"Good. What about the Cravens? Any more word from Jugson on whether they're going after them?"

"Nothing so far, but I keeping eye on it."

"Good, I'll—"

He was suddenly seized by violent, painful tremors, tearing through his body. His breath caught and he nearly fell of the bed. He bit his lip to hold back a scream. His elf was immediately by his side, murmuring reassurances. Finally, it passed. He waited until his breathing slowed down again and opened his eyes, feeling Gorgon wiping the sweat off his forehead. Stupid cruciatus tremors.

"When we're done, could you run to the workshop and check how many cauldrons are copper bottomed? Emerson reported that Flatley sold her a bunch of faulty ones whose bottoms are an inch thinner than regulation. We have to mark those ones and ensure nothing more corrosive than Flu Draughts is brewed in them."

"Right, I make a note. Now, young master need some rest."

"We don't have time to rest, Gorgon!" He shouldn't have said that that loudly. He was seized with loud, hacking coughs, feeling bile and blood coming up his throat from his abused lungs. Gorgon immediately held a pail under his mouth as he leaned over the side of the bed, gagging and coughing.

Finally, he leaned back, wiped his mouth and tried to mentally coax his body into relaxing. Slowly, he opened his eyes again. "We have to be at Hogwarts by ten tonight, which means we have to get all of this stuff done, including supervising Rabastan rebrewing his damn potion and dropping by Lucius' to get a new list of recruits. Now, bring me those reports and read them to me. Slowly and clearly. We're not messing up again."

Nodding, his elf hurried off to get the stacks of paper.

Severus bit his lip as he felt another wave of tremors starting to cramp up his body again. Damn it. They didn't have time for such things. They didn't have time for anything.


	32. Chapter 32

Path of Shaded Light 

Chapter 32

'Without followers, evil cannot spread.'

- Spock, 'And the Children Shall Lead'

(_Star Trek: The Original Series_)

Mar. 30th, 1981

Hogwarts School

"Alright, on your marks…get set…" Lily raised her wand dramatically and wiggled her eyebrows. "Hold it…hold it…hey, get that quill off the paper, I haven't said start yet!"

Severus sighed and obediently put his quill down. "Evans, I'm going to throw something at you."

"Hey, we need to practice doing exams in an actual exam setting, Sev! Which means, we have to follow the same rules as we would during actual exams. Now, put that quill down and turn the exam back over. You were peeking."

"No, I wasn't."

"Oh, you so were."

He didn't know whether to laugh at her or throw the desk at her. He opened his mouth to berate her, but she just raised an eyebrow and gave the large clock beside her a meaningful look. "Mr. Snape, any more of this attitude and I'll take five minutes off your alloted time, is that clear?"

He rolled his eyes. "Yes, Mrs. Potter."

"Good. Now, you've got two hours, starting…now."

He flipped the exam over and leaned over it, already scribbling. She watched him and smirked. "You did read question one early!"

He grinned, not looking up from his scribbling. "What are you going to do? Fail me?"

She laughed and then sat down beside him. She took out a pile of reports she had to hand in and she and Gorgon bent over them, correcting grammar and spelling mistakes and making sure they were neat.

They worked quietly for more than an hour, Severus flying through the DADA exam. Name and give the incantations for the Unforgivable Curses. Right, that was a difficult one. Describe the wand movement necessary to create a three point shield. Another very difficult one.

He was more than half way through it, when suddenly, there was a quiet knock on the door. They all froze and stared at each other.

Immediately, they all pulled out their wands and Evans signalled for Severus and Gorgon to hide. The room accomodated them and a large tapestry appeared on the wall beside them. They dove behind it, and found there was plenty of room behind it, even though from the other side, the tapestry appeared to fall flat against the wall.

They heard Evans getting up and clearing her throat. "Come on in." She called.

The door opened and Professor McGonagall walked in. "Good evening, Mrs. Potter."

Lily stared. "Uhm, good, uhm, evening, Professor. What can I do for you?" She had moved over so she was standing between the tapestry and the table, keeping the table between her and her former head of house.

Minerva gave her a small smile and then glanced around the room. "I'm not here to arrest anybody or to tell anybody off for being on school grounds when you are no longer students. Please come out, Mr. Snape. I mean you no harm. That goes for Gorgon as well."

The tapestry slowly moved aside and Severus and Gorgon came out, their wands pointed at the older woman. Minerva held up her own wand and tossed it onto the table.

Neither Severus nor Gorgon lowered their wands, moving their eyes back and forth between Professor McGonagall's hands and her face.

Lily protectively moved to stand between Severus and Minerva and raised her chin slightly, letting the Professor know that if she tried anything, she would have to face her as an enemy, not an ally, Gryffindor loyalty be damned.

Minerva sighed softly and looked at Severus. "As I said, I am not here to cause trouble. I am also not here to ask any questions. How you come be to here is not my concern. All I know is that I trust Albus and if he is allowing you to be in the school without direct supervision, then I will allow it. I have a fairly good idea where you've been for the past three years, Mr. Snape, but as I said, I'm not here to get into a fight. I'm simply here because I understand you will be attempting your NEWTS in a few weeks time, and I am offering you my help."

"Why would you want to help me?"

She raised an eyebrow as if he was being rude. "You are one of my former students who dropped out, but is now trying to finish school. Your reasons behind all of these decisions are not my concern, but you have obviously started to understand the value of having a good education, and anybody who understands that, deserves my attention and time. I am willing to mark some of your practice exams and discreetly pass those which don't fall into my area of expertise onto the appropriate people. I believe it's essential that you get familiar with NEWT style marking and what is expected of you."

All three of them stared at her. She crossed her arms. "Well? I don't have all night, Mr. Snape. Do you have some exams for me or not?"

Moving forward, Severus grabbed a pile of finished practice exams from the table and handed them to her.

"Gorgon marked some of them," he mumbled.

She nodded, flipping through them quickly. "I will nevertheless read those ones over," she glanced at Gorgon. "By which I mean no disrespect, Gorgon."

Gorgon bowed quickly. "Of course not, Mistress Minerva. This great help that Mistress is offering to young master. We very grateful."

Nodding firmly, she glanced at them all one more time. "They will be marked by the time you return. I will leave them on the table. If you have any questions, I will stop by again and we can go over anything which you didn't agree with or understand."

She turned around and headed towards the door. Severus finally found his voice. "Professor?"

She paused. "Yes?"

"Thank you."

She half turned back. "We all make mistakes, Mr. Snape, and if somebody is in a position to help somebody correct somebody else's mistakes, they should do so."

Turning back, she strode out the door, quietly shutting it behind her.

Severus stared after her, thinking that she probably hadn't only been talking about practice exam questions.

April 5th, 1981

The Dark Manor

His fingers impatiently tapped on the piece of parchment lying on his desk. Every few minutes, another pair of names would appear on it as Mulciber added another pair of successful recruits to his list.

The workshop was eerily quiet as nervous pairs of partners sat behind the desks, fiddling with the edges of their brand new cloaks and trying not to itch their nose behind the scratchy new plastic of their masks.

Severus glared at them all, hating them all. True, it was too late for them to change their minds now and run, but all of them seemed nervously proud of having passed recruitment, and for what? To start training so they could waste their talents and lives being bonded to a crazy sadist who would probably never know their names asides from being given whispered hints from Severus during the initiation ceremony.

He felt rage well up inside of him and he quickly pushed it aside. Instead, he grabbed a piece of parchment and started doodling a set of ancient runes he had been having trouble memorizing.

He was so absorbed in translating and frowning over proper spelling that he barely noticed the paper filling with more names and more nervous people filing into the room.

He let them sit there, shifting around and trying not to scratch their faces while he finished the translation and then smirked to himself when he got it right.

Finally he looked up. He couldn't ignore the morons any longer.

Standing up, he strode around his desk and stared at them all. He knew as soon as he opened his mouth, they would be able to tell that he was still in his teens, and he knew that the first impression he conveyed would determine their respect for him from this moment on.

"My name is Master Snape and I am the Dark Lord's potions master. I will be overseeing your training and preparing you for initiation and from then on, I will be giving you assignments and ensuring you complete your tasks with the efficiency and level of perfection that I expect."

He let that sink in before he continued. "The Dark Lord has extremely high standards where potions are concerned and it is my job to ensure those standards are being met. You have all been chosen because you apparently have some skill where a cauldron is concerned. In the next few months, you will be demonstrating to me the skills you have already learned and perfecting them and learning new ones. I will not tolerate any laziness, sloppiness or excuses for late, unfinished or badly prepared potions and you will be punished for them."

Or rather, Bella would be punishing them for him, but he didn't think he should tell them that.

"Recruitment will only be complete by the end of the month so all of your training will be in stages. Some of you will already be familiar with many parts of the first two stages and will simply demonstrate those skills to me, and others will need to go through all stages. However, regardless of your current skill and when you were recruited, all of you will be ready to be initiated at the end of July. This is the workshop where you will be doing all of your work. My quarters are two levels below, in room 502. If I am not here or there, I am with the Dark Lord and cannot be disturbed. However, at any other point, I am available for answering questions and correcting your work. Also at your disposal are my other assistants, some of whom have been working for the Dark Lord for more then ten years so they also have vast amounts of knowledge for you to learn from. Use your resources wisely and you will succeed. Do not disappoint or irritate me or the Dark Lord and you will be successful in servicing the Dark Lord as you all strive to do. Lastly, I will say this: He holds his potions assistants in high esteem and I will not tolerate anybody lowering that reputation in any way."

Staring at them all, he waved his wand and a stack of papers on his desk floated past him towards them. At the last moment, he grabbed the top one onto which he had scribbled the runes and transfigured it into dust before they noticed. Distributing the schedules which clearly told them when to report for training, he stared at them all one more time, wondering what pretty illusions were floating around their heads, remnants from Lucius' and his assistants' sickeningly sweet words.

Well, those illusions would tear themselves apart in a few days time. He didn't have to help.

"You are dismissed."

April 16th, 1981

The Dark Manor

Muttering an oath, he leapt up the stairs two at a time, ignoring Gleeson's questions which still floated after him after having left the man three floors below. His mark burned sharply and he clenched his left fist, wanting to cradle his arm to him, but not wanting to show how much it was hurting him.

Finally reaching master's chambers, he slowed down and tried to get his breathing back to normal. He grimaced as he gently rubbed his mark.

He was nearly at the doors when they were flung open and somebody came hurrying out of them. The person obviously wasn't watching where they were going and ran right into Severus, nearly knocking him over.

"Oh! I-I am s-so sorry, sir!" The man stammered, immediately having recognized the silver string around Severus' waist.

Severus snarled down at the shorter man and straightened his cloak. He should really toss the clumsy git down the hallway as punishment, but then thought better of it. He was already late.

"Watch where you're going from now on and if this happens again, you will be punished accordingly."

The man kept his gaze fixed to the floor and let out a deep breath when he realized he wouldn't be punished.

"Thank you, thank you, sir." He muttered.

Severus scowled. "Get out of my sight." Turning away from him, he strode towards the still open doors. The man gave a wheezy, high pitched laugh of relief as he stumbled down the corridor.

Severus paused momentarily, thinking he had heard that laugh somewhere before, but then shook it off when his mark's burning rose.

He hurried into the room and prostrated himself before the Dark Lord's chair.

Lord Voldemort was standing at the mantle, a glass of red wine in his hands, red eyes staring into the fire.

For long moments the only sounds were the crackling of the fire in the hearth and Nagini quietly slithering across the floor towards them.

"I have just received some very interesting news, my serpent."

Severus didn't reply but frowned. Interesting news was never good news for him.

"It appears that Albus Dumbledore has a little resistance group. Something he calls the Order of the Phoenix." He pronounced the last word as if it were something disgusting.

Cold ice flooded his veins. The Order? He had never heard of anything like that.

The Dark Lord took a sip of his wine and stared into the glass. "This news in itself isn't of great concern. A group of pathetic mediocre witches and wizards who declared themselves to be saviors of this wreakage of a world are of no concern to me. What is of great concern to me is why my little spy who sits on Dumbledore's knees didn't know about this."

"My apologies, my Lord. He never mentioned anything about the Order."

The Dark Lord frowned and strode over to him. Yanking his head up, he muttered 'Legilimens' at him and Severus felt the fiery probe tearing into his mind. He couldn't breathe at the pain as he stared into the burning red eyes, seeing flashes of memories tearing past him. He grabbed hold of his memories and grit his teeth as he forced the stream of memories to slow down and carefully showed his master his last few conversations with the headmaster, in which he appeared to be denying an alliance with Greyback and discussed the headmaster's proposed troop movements for the last battle. He carefully kept all thoughts of Evans out of his head. It wasn't as difficult as it sometimes was, since his master was looking for a memory which truly didn't exist. He had never heard of the Order and no amount of probing would change that.

Finally, his master withdrew and Severus felt his head slam onto the ground. He was trembling from the pain and his head was throbbing. He lay his forehead against the cool marble tiles, trying to quiet the drumming pain in his head.

"So, my serpent wasn't lying. This brings us to another complication. Why did you not know about the order?"

Severus licked his dry lips and tried to string together two words. Doing anything which involved him to think after a probe was painful and difficult.

"I—not—I—hmm," he murmured.

His master carried on as if he hadn't heard him. "What use are you to me as a spy if you can't get the important information out of that fool?" He bent down and squatted before Severus, who was still panting and trying to see past the fuzz infront of his eyes. "I try so hard to rearrange my schedule and I put up with being inconvenienced when my serpent is away spying, only to find out he hasn't been trying very hard."

"I—huh—try—mas—"

"Yes, yes." He stood up, sighing deeply. "You have disappointed me, Severus. I am seriously considering not sending you back to that fool, since it seems I have found a much more reliable source of information where his secrets are concerned."

Dread settled in the pit of Severus' stomach at the thought of never being allowed to see Evans or the headmaster again and spending the rest of his life locked up in this dark hell hole.

"However, you have brought me reliable information for many months and you have never forgotten your prioritites. Besides, our other source seems not to be able to get involved with Dumbledore's affairs as much as you do, and even though both of my sources of information seem to be lacking in some regards, put together, we should be able to piece something together, hm?"

Severus nodded, bumping his chin on the ground. "Yes, my Lord," he whispered.

"Good. Now, there is still the issue of you not completing your assignment to the best of your ability. I cannot tolerate that, Severus. Crucio!"

His head slammed back into the floor as waves of pain seized him. Writhing on the floor, he nearly screamed but bit his lip hard. Burning streams of pain wrapped themselves around his body and made the breath catch in his throat. He clenched his eyes shut feeling his still throbbing mind exploding in bright flames of pain.

After what seemed like ages, the curse was lifted and Severus collapsed on the floor, his body shaking and quiet moans vibrating in his ears, which he realized were coming from him.

He heard a soft buzzing over the moaning and his loud gasps of air and realized his master was still talking.

"—inconsistent, but I shall have to make do, won't I?"

He wheezed out a 'Yes, master'.

"—put up with such incompetence when—"

"Yes, master." The words were barely a whisper and were accompanied by a hacking cough as Severus felt blood and bile flood his throat.

"Crucio!"

And it started again.

XXXXXX

"—know Sevvie isn't trying to disappoint master. It must be Dumbledore, isn't it? He's putting foolish ideas into Sevvie's head."

He didn't reply as he tried to force his legs to walk properly but only succeeded in tangling them and nearly tripping over Bella as she dragged him down the corridor, shaking her head and bemoaning his inability to follow instructions properly.

His head was throbbing and he couldn't control the shaking of his body as he tried not to fall off Bella's shoulder. As they neared his rooms, he suddenly felt bile rushing up his throat as his stomach gave a painful lurch.

"Bella—" he whispered. She glanced at him and immediately grabbed his waist and held him up as she tore the mask off his face. Not a moment later, he was vomiting onto the ground, his whole body heaving.

When he was done, she put his mask back on and continued down the corridor. She gave him a small smile.

"My Sevvie has wonderful timing. Right infront of Barty's room too. We'll leave it there as a present. We're so thoughtful."

They finally reached his room and she pulled him onto his bed. His elf was immediately by his side, muttering to himself and shaking his head.

Severus sank into his soft mattress, his body still shaking and feeling half of him burning with heat and the other half cold as ice.

He licked his lips. "Gor—Gorgon," he whispered.

His elf was murmuring healing charms over him. "Yes, young master?"

"He—he knows—" He whispered in Elfish, feeling the nausea overwhelm him again. His body cramped up and he started heaving again, feeling his elf pulling him onto his side just in time.

His elf froze momentarily and his eyes widened. He leaned closer to Severus. "He knows what?"

Knowing what was worrying his elf, Severus shook his head, which proved to be a mistake. Pain exploded behind his eyes and his vision went black momentarily.

"Not—not that. He knows about Order."

His elf frowned. He had no idea what order they were talking about, but decided hearing the explanation wasn't as important as his charge's health.

"It alright, young master. We figure it out later. No thinking right now. No thinking."

Severus lay back into his pillows. He really didn't want to speak to Fawkes right now. He knew the pain would nearly kill him, but the headmaster had to know.

"_Fawkes, go_."

There was a momentary hesitation, since Fawkes didn't want to hurt him, but then a burst of light lit up behind his eyes again and he nearly screamed as his head felt like it was splitting in two, but then it was gone and Fawkes had left.

Panting, he squeezed his eyes shut, clenching his fists and trying not to throw up again.

"Yes, Miss Bella, the green bottle. Thank you."

He felt cool hands wiping his forehead and pulling off his sweat soaked, vomit covered robes and pulling a clean nightgown over him.

Moments later, his body seized up with the usual cramps and he arched off the bed, convulsing and nearly screaming as his skin felt like it was being stripped from him.

In the far distance, he heard an Elfish lullaby starting and he clung to that familiar voice, focusing on it until the pain subsided.

"It alright, young master. It alright."

Two hours later the cramps and pain finally eased up enough for him to drink down a dreamless sleep potion mixed with a healing potion without throwing it back up.

He felt his eyelids growing heavy. The bed dipped by his side and he suddenly felt arms wrapping themselves around him.

"Does Sevvie want Bella to sing too? I know some humming too."

Wordlessly, he nodded, not opening his eyes. Turning slightly he snuggled into her arms, knowing that nothing could possibly hurt him now.

He heard whispered conversations and then quiet humming start as two voices started singing the same, simple lullaby.

"You see, Sevvie? I can do it too," came a proud whisper into his left ear.

He managed a small smile before he finally fell asleep, not being able to differentiate between whose voice was his elf's and whose was Bella's.


	33. Chapter 33

Path of Shaded Light 

Chapter 33

'Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed when it is not faced.'

- James Baldwin

April 23rd, 1981

Hogwarts School

"What the hell do you mean, 'you know'!"

Dumbledore sighed and exchanged a worried look with Lily, who glanced down at the floor.

"This isn't the first time the enemy have been informed of something which could only have come from the inside, Severus."

Severus stared at him incredulously. "And you haven't done anything about it?"

Lily frowned. "We're not incompetent, Sev. The headmaster noticed that a copy of the rotation schedule went missing a few months ago. He searched everywhere and asked us if we had seen it, but nobody admitted to having taken it. Two days later, Alice and Dedalus—"

Severus held up a hand and hissed. "Don't tell me any names, moron!"

She glared at him but then continued. "Anyway, they were sent on an assignment and were ambushed. They managed to get away and the Death Eaters didn't get anything from them, so I'm guessing it was considered a failure."

He frowned. "I would have heard about a botched mission."

"It wasn't anything big, Sev. Don't worry about it. He doesn't tell Bellatrix everytime you screw up something with potions, does he? The point is, we knew somebody had passed information to the other side. We didn't think it was serious at the time since they had been unbelievably sloppy. But before you even ask, we did investigate it thoroughly. The headmaster now keeps all of our papers and only shares their contents with the people whom they concern. And we checked everybody's arms. There wasn't anything on them."

He bit his lip and shook his head. "That doesn't have to mean anything, Evans. You said this started happening a few months ago, right? This year's recruits haven't been initiated yet. Anybody who's an espionage recruit wouldn't have the mark on them yet anyway."

She bit her lip and glanced at the headmaster. "So we'll know in a few months?"

"If he takes the mark. There are some, very few, but there are some espionage assistants who spend too much time in the company of aurors who would be able to detect the dark magic of the mark without seeing it. We also have some people married to people of the opposing side, so marking them would be too dangerous. And some people who are connected to us but aren't essential aren't ever marked. We've got dozens of contacts in Knockturn Alley and in the ministry who won't ever be marked."

"Shit."

He sighed. "Well, what are we going to do about this? If he told the Dark Lord about the order, who knows what other information he might pass on?"

Dumbledore raised his hand. "It's alright, Severus. I am taking several precautions. Rest assured, from now on, nobody except myself will be able to jeopardize the order. Even if that means stepping on some toes. Some people find my precautions rude—"

"These people know nothing about running covert operations."

"Severus, please. At any rate, I don't want you to worry about any of this. From now on, whoever our turncoat is, he or she won't be able to pass on any useful information, nothing that would interest Tom a lot anyway. Now, is he expecting you to bring back information concerning the order?"

"I don't believe so. He knows that you are the head of the order and that you tell me most of the important details like alliances and battles and such things. He is preoccupied with training and trying to retain control of Greyback and his fine band of savages."

"Good. Tell me when he needs you to know something and we'll work it out. But until then, don't concern yourself with this. I don't believe he or she can cause any significant damage from now on."

Lily stood up and stretched. "Besides, you've got enough on your plate, Sev. Let me worry about this and you worry about your stuff. Speaking of your stuff, we have studying to do."

Bidding the headmaster good night, she turned to the door. Severus exchanged a long, worried look with the headmaster before sighing and following her out.

"Fawkes, we're leaving in about three hours. Make sure you're outside the gates by then."

As he walked down the stairs, he mentally removed himself from the world of spying, traitors, training and Dark Lords and tried to remember the name of the three different fertilizers recommended for seedling Fanged Geraniums but were poisonous to their adult selves.

April 29th, 1981

Hogwarts School

"—loss of those three half marks, Mr. Snape."

Severus grimaced and leaned over the exam Professor McGonagall was going over. Looking at the three tiny details he had forgotten to include in his answer, he muttered them to himself until he had them memorized.

"Right. I think I've got them."

Lily glanced up from where she was cleaning up a pile of cushions which they had set up to practice various defence charms on.

"Sev, they're just half marks. It's not the end of the world."

He scowled at her and opened his mouth but she cut him off with a smirk.

"Right, I forgot. They're the end of _your_ world."

He waved a hand at her and then turned back to the pile of papers before him. He slowly sifted through them and let out a long breath. He glanced at Professor McGonagall, who raised an eyebrow at him and then he looked at Lily.

"Sev, I think you're ready."

"No, I'm not."

"We've been studying for weeks. You could do half of these exams with your eyes closed and you know it."

He shook his head. "Evans, I'm going to forget everything. Everything."

She rolled her eyes. "Right. That's it. You're done. You're writing them tomorrow."

He sat up straight with a jerk, nearly upsetting a bottle of ink into Professor McGonagall's lap. "Tomorrow?"

She grinned. "Oh, did I forget to mention it? Tomorrow's the first day of exams. Here, read the schedule." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a sheaf of parchment which she tossed at him. He caught it and glanced down at it, horrified. He wasn't ready. He couldn't do this.

He stared at her, not being able to decide whether he should start panicking or pass out.

She gave him a smile. "Sev, you're ready. You and I both know it."

Professor McGonagall nodded. "Mr. Snape, you've worked harder than I have ever witnessed any student of mine work and your practice exams have been outstanding."

He took a deep breath. Alright, fine. He'd do this. If he failed then nothing much would happen. Well, Evans, Gorgon and the headmaster would be terribly disappointed with him, but they'd get over it. He had already lived three years as a high school drop out, it wasn't terrible.

"Alright. I'll do this. I don't think I'm ready and I'm going to fail all of them, but sure, I'll do this."

Lily grinned. "Good. Now, I've gotten everything set up at the ministry. All you have to do is go in tomorrow and meet with Mrs. Marchbanks. All of your papers have already been filed."

"So what's my story again?"

"Your sick aunt, Sev."

"Right. What was her name again? Horatia?"

"Yes. You'll be thrilled to know she was actually your aunt and died of a Hell's Breath overdose—let that be a lesson to all of us—thirty years ago, but no record of her death had ever been filed. She never went to Azkaban or any treatment facility either, so there's no paper trail left. I made up some false documents concerning her death—she died of pneumonia by the way—and you are her only remaining relative and had to—"

He waved a hand. "Yes, yes, I know that part. You're sure the documents will pass?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Hey, I have learned a thing or two from you, you know."

He smiled faintly before he glanced back down at the papers. He just knew that he would forget everything he had ever learned two minutes before the exam and he'd fail everything. He probably wouldn't remember how to summon a feather to himself.

"Oh, oh," Lily teased, grinning. "He's getting that look. Quickly, Professor, get those papers away from him. He'll start re-reading them and convincing himself that he doesn't know anything in about two seconds."

Minerva let out a small laugh. "Mr. Snape, even if you were hit with a confundus charm tomorrow, you'll still do better than any of my Gryffindors will do this year."

He sighed, not believing a word. He chewed on his lip, already knowing what he'd have to feverishly review tonight.

"So, you sure you want to do this?"

He clenched his jaw, feeling the familiar anxiety well up within him. He gave a firm nod.

"Hell, yes."

He fingered the list of examinations which would be starting tomorrow morning and running for four days straight, a jumble of practical and theoretical exams for every subject. He would be writing them with a small group of other drop outs who had managed to beg their cases with the ministry.

Well, he might as well get this over with.

April 30th 1981

Ministry of Magic

"Elf, _wasliken_ is written with a 'k', right? Not a c."

Gorgon sighed softly. "Yes, young master."

They were striding down the corridor, Gorgon trying to navigate the confusing corridors and find the right room number and steer Severus in the right direction, who had his nose buried in a bundle of papers, frantically revising.

"And mars starts its retrograde loop when it is in opposition with earth, not in conjunction."

"Yes, yes."

More frantic shuffling. "What was the head warlock's name of the council at Lichtenstein during the third Goblin Rebellions?"

"It was—"

"Ruvessum. That's right. Ruvessum. R-U-V—"

"C-D-A-Z-O-R. Exactly."

Both of them swung around. "Evans, what the hell are you doing here?"

She grinned. "Making sure you two find the right room," she said, reaching forward and snatching the papers out of his hands.

"Hey!"

"Sev, you'll drive yourself crazy. Just relax. You know this. You know you do. Or maybe you don't, it's just enough that Gorgon and I know you know it. Now come on, we have to make sure you're on the list of examinees."

She hurried along the corridor, linking her arm through his and dragging him along, shushing him with a laugh everytime he started muttering spells or names to himself.

Finally, they reached the right room and she swung him around, straightening his cloak (which was actually his Death Eater cloak but he had concealed the dark mark on the back. He didn't have another cloak that was as nice looking and expensive as this one) and bending over to swipe a speck of dust off his boots, muttering that at least he could have tried to look less like a soldier. She frowned when she glanced at his neck, not seeing the collar.

She leaned towards him. "Sev, how did you get the collar off?"

He smirked slightly. "I didn't. All I can do is camouflage it and put a dampening charm around it to keep the dark magic emissions nearly undetectable."

She narrowed her eyes as if trying to see if she could see it if she squinted really hard, but then nodded, apparently satisfied.

Severus hadn't even remembered that it would be necessary to hide the collar. He was so used to only associating with people who knew about the collar and understood that its presence wasn't something he could alter. It was only when Gorgon remarked on it that he had set to work trying to figure out how to hide it from prying eyes. It was only after asking Salazar how the charms on the Founder's medallion worked and adjusting them slightly that he could hide it. He wouldn't ever say it outloud, but he was glad that he couldn't take it off. It was such a familiar weight around his neck now and the leather had been worn to a gentle softness. Like an old shoe, Evans had once remarked. An old shoe that he couldn't get off.

Gorgon was sorting through his official documents one last time, making sure they were in order. Finally, he handed them to him.

"Alright, young master. They all here. Go in and see what happens."

He took the papers and took a deep breath. Evans grinned at him, pinched him in the arm and then pushed him through the door, nearly making him land on his face.

He was secretly grateful, having seriously doubted he would go in on his own. But then, she had probably known that.

He straightened his cloak and stood up, staring around the huge room. It was filled with rows of desks, all of which were empty for now. At the front was a long table at which three wrinkled old witches sat, fussing with papers and muttering to each other.

He walked up to them and politely stood to one side, nervously pulling the sleeve of his left arm down as much as it could go. The mark was itching like crazy, always despising being in the ministry. If anybody caught sight of it, he wouldn't be writing his NEWTs today, that was for sure. He glanced over the row of witches and he seemed to recognize one of them as being Mrs. Marchbanks. She glanced up.

"Ah, Mr. Snape wasn't it?"

He started, surprised that she had remembered him. "Uhm, yes." He cleared his throat, irritated at his weak answer. Salazar would be ashamed. "Yes," he said again.

" I never forget somebody with talent, Mr. Snape." She glanced at her collegues and jabbed her quill in Severus' direction. "This one wrote his Potions OWL at thirteen. Got an outstanding on it too. As well as the rest of his OWLS. Spectacular."

He wanted to rub the mark against his side to sooth it somewhat, but didn't dare. These days anybody who scratched at their left forearms were seen as suspicious. He grit his teeth. Damn, if the thing could just calm down! It wasn't as if he were rubbing it with unicorn hair.

Her other two collegues raised their eyebrows and looked him up and down with vague interest.

"Which makes it all the more a pity that he had to throw it all away, isn't it?"

His spine stiffened immediately and he glared. "I beg your pardon, but I'm here now, aren't I?"

Mrs. Marchbanks sniffed. "Three years later. You might as well not have come at all."

He swallowed with difficulty and restrained himself from throwing the woman across the room. He carefully smoothed out the papers he had been unconsciously crumbling in his hands and handed them to her.

She took them and skimmed them over. "Oh, yes, yes. Dumbledore came by to give me this cock and bull story as well. You left school to tend to your dying aunt, isn't that right? You conveniently being her only living relative, hm? And then the poor dear died in December of 1979." She stared at him. "What a tragedy."

Severus narrowed his eyes. "It was."

"I'm sure."

"There is a copy of her death certi—"

She still stared at him, eyes narrowed. "Of course there is, Mr. Snape. In fact, if I were to check, I'm sure I could find documents verifing every piece of your story. It wouldn't be Dumbledore's style to leave anything out, now would it?"

He didn't reply, only stared at her, lifting his chin slightly and daring her to challenge him.

She put the papers down and stared at him, hard. "If I had my way, then anybody of your intelligence and arrogance who decided that they had much better things to do than follow the path of education your elders had so painstakingly laid out of you and set off to follow your own little agenda would never be allowed to set foot into this room. But as it is, I have to give you a second chance whether I like it or not." She leaned forward. "But never forget, Mr. Snape, this is your last chance. Whether you deserve it or not, from this day on, you better do your best to live up to the expectations we had of you. If not, it would only be too easy for me suddenly lose these papers and then you'd land in the heap of garbage you should be landing in. Is that clear?"

He nodded, keeping his mouth shut. She was obviously disappointed and angry with him. He could understand why. He hated himself for the same reason. He had been given everything he had ever wanted, and he had thrown it all away.

He stared her straight in the eye. "I won't let you down, Mrs. Marchbanks."

She narrowed her eyes, trying to gauge the sincerity of that statement before she pursed her lips. "Go and wait in the hallway with others. We'll start in five minutes with the Transfiguration theoretical."

He turned and walked out, gently shutting the door behind him.

"So? Did they give you any crap about it?"

He sighed. "Marchbanks hates my guts and didn't buy it, but she'll take it."

"Good. It's nothing less than I expected. She's always been that way. You get in there and make her eat her words, Sev! You hear me?"

Swallowing hard, he sat down on one of the hard plastic chairs that lined the walls of the hallway. His elf laid a hand on his knee. "Young master going to do fine. Just take nice and slow, one question at time. We be right here, waiting."

He stared at him and then glanced up at Evans and drew strength from both of their encouraging faces.

It seemed only seconds later that the door was thrown open and one of the witches announced that they could come in and please leave any bags and cloaks by the door.

He stood up and clenched his hands, swallowing the nervousnes which was twisting his stomach into knots.

"Good luck, Sev. You show her who's the winner."

"Good luck, young master."

He managed what he hoped was a smile for both of them before walking into the room with the other examinees, trying to remember how to breathe and get his hands to stop shaking. Evans had always said his handwriting was difficult enough to read, never mind when he was nervous and his hands were shaking.

He reached a desk and sat down on the hard, wooden seat, staring at the upside down examination on the table before him. Picking up a quill, he glanced up and saw Mrs. Marchbanks staring at him.

She raised an eyebrow at him right when the other witch told them to begin. Raising his chin in response, he flipped over the examination, suddenly feeling much more confident. Damn right, he'd show her.

May 4th, 1981

The Dark Manor

He was finally done. He grinned as he strode down the corridor, knowing that nobody could see his face behind the mask. After four days of writing and wand waving in the ministry and frantically running back and forth between the dark manor and the examination room to ensure the workshop and his assistants hadn't been blown to pieces, it was finally over. His biggest concern had been with his master. Lord Voldemort had been vaguelly amused by the fact that his potions master wanted to take a little time off to graduate high school, but when Severus had explained that it would raise his standing where his assistants were concerned (since legally he wasn't a potions master), his master had agreed.

After the last exam had been written, he had stumbled out of the examination room feeling exhausted and utterly drained. Lily had thrown her arms around him with a laugh, absolutely thrilled that he had done it. Severus had tried to muster up some feeling of having done well, but as always, he was fretting over the mistakes he knew he had made, the answers he knew he hadn't explained thoroughly enough, and the thought of what Gleeson had been doing with his workshop since that morning. Seeing his glum mood, Lily had dragged him to Diagon Alley where she bought him an enormous ice cream sundae. She declared that she had never had the chance to celebrate graduation with him (and letting Severus' protests that he might have failed and not technically graduated fall on deaf ears), and he owed her. The day had ended on a surprisingly cheery note with the three of them (and Fawkes) sitting in the ice cream parlor, laughing and eating their sundaes, forgetting about the war and their roles in it for the time being.

But today, it was back to business.

He pushed open the door to the workshop and wove his way through steaming cauldrons, automatically peering into them and sniffing the contents.

"A bit too much milkweed, Davies."

"Turn down that fire, Lestrange or are you trying to blow this manor out of the rock it's wedged in? Not that much, imbecile! Just—yes, a little higher. There. Now don't touch it until you're ready to start phase three."

"What the hell is this supposed to be? No, don't tell me that's supposed to be veritaserum because that's a grave insult to that potion. What do you mean it looks 'clear enough'? There is no 'clear enough', there is only perfectly clear and unclear. Evanesco! Start again and this time, no mistakes will be tolerated. Ingredients aren't as cheap as your mother was."

He sat down at his desk and started handing back the assignments he had finished marking.

"Everybody should know that I have to start training with the initiates in forty-five minutes. Everybody will be out of this room by then and their places will be spotless, understood? Be forewarned that I was told the new interrogation initiates need subjects to practice on."


	34. Chapter 34

Path of Shaded Light

Chapter 34

Author's Note: Soggy and windy weather has always been a writer's best friend. Really, it is. I spend more time holed up inside with my labtop than normal, which is why I'm giving everybody three chapters again. I hope nobody minds J

Thank you for your reviews, as always, they mean a lot to me! Keep 'em coming and I'll keep churning out the chapters. I apologize for the fluffiness in this first chapter, but it's necessary and trust me, you'll be longing for it by the time you're through with the other two chapters. Have fun reading and drop me a line to complain about the weather or my writing. Either works.

'Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while and leave footprints on our heart, and we are never, ever the same.'

- Flavia Weedn

May 8th, 1981

Hogwarts School

"You wanted to see me, Headmaster?" He asked, gently shutting the door behind him. Albus looked up from his desk and the mountain of paperwork he was wading through.

"Ah, yes, dear," he reached into a drawer and pulled out an official looking envelope with the ministry's seal on it. Severus frowned. "If it has something to do with the ministry, shouldn't Evans be handling it?"

"Oh, Mrs. Potter will be along presently, but the contents of this envelope are strictly for you."

Frowning still, he slowly sat down and tried to guess what would be in the envelope. Probably a warrant for his arrest. Or a reward for his capture. He hoped whatever picture they had pasted on there wasn't as awful looking as the ones he had seen of Bella hanging around Hogsmeade.

The door was suddenly thrown open and a breathless Lily Potter burst in. "Are they here? Did he read them?"

"Did I read what?"

She stared at him and then glanced at the headmaster, laughing. "Sev, don't be an idiot! Did you read 'what'? Those are your exam results, git!"

A cold feeling of dread raced down his spine. His exam results. Damn he didn't think they would be available this early.

He swallowed with some difficulty and reached forward to take the envelope from the headmaster. He was about to hand it to Evans and tell her to open it, but then decided against it.

Forcing his hands not to tremble, he tore open the envelope and pulled out three pieces of paper. The first one was a short congratulatory letter from the ministry, obviously mass produced and absolutely pointless. What did catch his attention was that after the phrases "showing great character and dedication" and "setting a positive example for the rest of the wizarding community" and other such nonsense, were the words: "We extend our warmest congratulations to you for having graduated with exemplary marks."

He blinked.

"Well?" Evans demanded, looking as if she was just moments away from ripping the papers out of his hands.

"I—I officially graduated," he murmured, still not believing it. He handed her the letter and then looked at the second paper which listed his percentages.

He skimmed through them, sighing with quiet relief at his average.

He had graduated school with a perfect 'Outstanding' average..

"Well? Would you read faster, damn it!"

He wordlessly handed her the paper and she grabbed it. She let out a squeal and showed it to the headmaster.

Severus barely heard their outpourings of congratulations. He was staring at the third piece of paper.

Printed on thick parchment, a beautiful design was painted around the edge of it, which shimmered and moved slightly. In the center of it were the words:

This diploma hereby declares that Severus Snape has successfully graduated Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, May 1981.

He felt a lump rising in his throat as he stared at it, feeling prouder than he ever had. Evans saw his staring at it and she peered over his shoulder. She grinned when she read it and threw her arms around him.

"Sev, I'm so damn proud of you! I knew you could do this!"

He smiled as he hugged her back, holding onto his diploma with one hand.

"I only did if because you helped me, Evans. Thank you. I mean it," he added when he heard her snort.

The headmaster had stepped around his desk and looked down at the diploma. His eyes shone with tears and he smiled proudly.

"Congratulations, my boy."

Severus released Evans and stared at the headmaster. He knew that the only reason he was celebrating his graduation and not an anniversary in Azkaban was because of this man here, who for some reason had always believed in him and always loved him.

"Thank you. But you know how much of this I owe to you."

Albus smiled and laid his hands on his shoulders. "I merely gave you a second chance, Severus. You're the one who decided what to do with it."

Severus nodded, feeling that swell of pride within him again. Albus pulled him into a tight hug and Severus hugged him back, sniffing back tears.

"Thank you."

"Thank _you_, Severus. Know that you made me very proud today."

They released each other and Severus stared down at his diploma. "Headmaster?"

"Yes?"

"Would you be able to keep my diploma for me? I don't think the dark manor is the appropriate place for it."

"Of course, my boy." Carefully taking it, he put it on his desk, knowing exactly where he would put it. He had always kept a bare spot on the wall for this very piece of paper, but it had stood empty until now. He had never felt it was time for anything else to occupy the spot, and today he had been proven right.

Evans was grinning at both of them, and after Severus handed Albus his certificate, she grabbed his arms.

"Alright. Come on, let's go celebrate."

"Celebrate? Evans do you have any idea how much I have to do today?"

"Oh, shush, Sev! How many times do you get to celebrate graduation, huh? Come on!"

Smiling and shaking his head at her, he gave the headmaster a nod and then let her drag him out the door.

XXXXXX

Murmuring the passwords to his bedroom, Albus watched his bookcase shimmer and then reveal the door hidden behind it. In recent times, he had found it necessary to hide certain documents in places where he could easily access them but they would be hidden from prying eyes. His bedroom seemed to be a logical choice.

He walked in and went to the far wall where he kept all of his most treasured pictures and keepsakes. A framed picture of the chocolate frog trading card with his face on it hung right below his own graduating diploma from Hogwarts (class of June, 1842 even though it seemed like yesterday). A small child's drawing of a stick figure wearing brightly colored robes with a red bird on his shoulder sat it its frame over to the left, a smudge of paint in the corner proudly proclaiming the young painters name: Myrtle Gabbins. The picture would have been wrinkled and yellowed with age by now, but the glass covering it and a few good charms would keep it looking the exact same way it had been when the small, shyly smiling young second year had handed it to him and then run off. He smiled as he looked over the wall, gently touching some of the framed pictures and papers, remembering easier times.

He walked over to the area just above his dresser where six little plaques hung, each one declaring that Severus Snape had received top honors of that year and been the top of his class, starting in June 1972 and ending in June 1977. There was only one missing, but Albus had replaced that spot on the wall with a small black badge with a silver P on it. Even though Severus had returned the badge, Albus had thought that the sentiment behind it should be preserved and had put the badge on the wall.

Now he took the diploma which was in his hands and pulled out a frame from a drawer. Within a few minutes, the diploma had been carefully placed in the frame and a few murmured charms had been put on it, guaranteeing that even a fire wouldn't destroy it. Smiling at it, he gently hung the frame below the line of plaques, filling the empty space that had stood there for so long.

Even if Severus never held any regard for the physical proof of his accomplishments, Albus wouldn't throw them out. If he ever wanted to have them, they were his to have, but until then, Albus was proud to have them on his wall.

Nodding to himself, he gently touched the frame and then turned to go back to his office.

XXXXXX

"Evans, slow down, damn it!"

She laughed and glanced over her shoulder at him, red hair flying around her as she urged Elixa into a faster gallop.

"What? Too slow for a someone trained to ride into battle on Thestrals? Sev, I'd be ashamed if I were you," she yelled back at him.

He scowled and allowed Xira to catch up to her. "I can go a lot faster and still be alright but you don't ride everyday of your life! You're going to fall and break your damn neck."

She laughed. "Never underestimate a Gryff!" she called over the wind.

Muttering something about Gryffs under his breath, he urged Xira faster and they ran over the wide field, the wind whipping past them, their cloaks fluttering madly behind them and hands tightly clenching the manes of their Thestrals.

"Sev, how do I let her know I want to fly? I forgot."

Instead of answering, Severus let out a low whistle and Xira immediately spread her wings and pushed off the ground. Severus glanced over his shoulder as he leaned forward and hooked his legs tightly around her wing joints to avoid sliding off. He saw Elixa spreading her own wings and Evans barely remembering to hang on tighter as she lifted off.

They flew through the air, letting their Thestrals swoop and race around tree tops. Xira was snorting happily.

"It's good not to be in battle, isn't it, girl?" Severus murmured. He found himself not worried in the least about what was happening in the dark manor and what tomorrow would bring. For now, he felt great, he had officially graduated and he was having nearly an illegal amount of fun with his best friend.

"Sev!"

"What?"

"You see that canyon?"

Severus followed her pointed arm and saw the sharp drop off ahead of them. Immediately, he knew what she wanted to do. "No, I don't, Evans, and neither do you! Evans! Damn it! Come back here!"

"_Severus, what is she thinking? What are you going to do? Severus? I don't think this is a good idea_!"

She let out a whoop and headed straight for the canyon. "Come on, Sev!"

Gritting his teeth, he thought for a moment about forcing Elixa back to the ground, but then thought better of it. He took crazy chances everyday of his life. Why would he back out of this one?

When they reached the canyon, Lily carefully shifted on Elixa's back and sat on her side, her legs dangling off and one hand still tightly holding onto her mane.

Severus pulled up beside her and shifted until he was barely clinging onto Xira, facing Lily.

"_Are you listening to me? I said this was a crazy idea! Severus? Severus_!"

"_Where's your sense of adventure, bird_?"

"_Adventure? I don't have a sense of adventure, neither do I have a sense of commiting suicide, particularily in this manner_!"

She reached up with one hand, pushing a strand of her hair off her face as their Thestrals gently bobbed up and down as their enormous leathery wings beat the air around them.

"Ready?"

He snorted. "No."

"Okay. On the count of three, one—two—three!"

Not even thinking, he threw himself off Xira and grabbed Evans' outstretched hands as they fell through the air, wind howling in their ears and their insides still drifting high above them.

Knowing the ground was coming towards them at a speed that would guarantee it would crush them if they hit, Severus tightly held onto Evans' hands and prayed that their Thestrals would be able to catch them.

He caught sight of two black blurs circling along with them, and at the last moment, they reached out their hands and grabbed onto strands of thick hair and landed on their Thestrals, who immediately spiralled back up into the air.

Breathing hard and shaking, Severus checked to make sure he had all of his limbs intact before glancing at Evans, who was shrieking and laughing like mad.

"Come on, Sev! Let's do it again!" And off she went, urging Elixa to climb up into the air again.

"_You realize she's going to be death of you, don't you_?"

He snorted. "_Better her than a lot of other people I know_."

But he had to admit, he didn't need as much urging to follow her as he usually did.

XXXXXX

Frowning in concentration, she slowly moved her wand around the pile of rings she had pulled off her fingers. Slowly, the rings shimmered and starting morphing into larger shapes, bending and twisting as the complex transfiguration charms were applied to them. Finally, four bottles stood on the rooftop where they were lounging.

"Ta da!"

Severus snorted. "I'm sure you'd make McGonagall proud, Evans. Seven years of schooling and three years as an auror and you can retransfigure rings into bottles of butterbeer."

"I'm telling you, it's the whole reason we went to school."

"I'm sure."

He gingerly took one of the bottles from her, fully expecting it to shatter or turn to dust as soon as he touched it.

"Come on, Sev! Have a little faith in my abilities."

"My faith in your abilities is right behind my brilliant sense of humor."

She gently punched him in the shoulder and pried open one of her own bottles and took a sip. Immediately, she made a face and spat it out.

He laughed. "There's my faith proven ten fold, Evans!"

"Oh, Merlin, it tastes like piss! Why does it taste like piss?" She whined.

He was still laughing, feeling his stomach cramping from the laughter. "Because you're talented," he managed to gasp out.

She scowled at him and sat down against the chimney they were sitting beside. Still laughing, he walked over and sat down beside her, patting her pulled up knees.

"Come on, Evans, cheer up. It's not the end of the world. So we can't get wasted, who cares? I've got a million things to do tonight still and you have to get up for Potter junior tomorrow morning. Besides, we're supposed to be responsible adults now, remember?"

She snorted. "Right. That'll be the day."

He smiled and pulled his own knees up and stared out at the dark sky studded with twinkling silver stars. He could barely see the top of Hagrid's hut from up here and the lake was just a silent, black mass.

"What do you reckon will happen if we're caught up here?"

He shrugged. "Who the hell would catch us? In all our years here, we've never been caught up here. Mrs. Norris is scared of heights and Filch never comes all the way up here."

They sat in silence for a while, before she grinned. "Hey, I'm proud of you, you know that, right?"

He smiled. "Yeah. I know."

"And…"

"And I'm proud of me too."

"Good. And you know what? Your mother would be too."

He stared at her for a moment. "I guess so."

"I know so. And so do you. So, how are things on the other end?"

He sighed. "Busy. Initiation isn't until July but training is getting into full swing now. I'll never know how some of the morons I'm training caught Lucius' attention as being brains."

She laughed. "If he's comparing them to himself, then there's not much of a standard to measure up to, is there?"

"I guess not," he chuckled. "And how are things on the blue robed side?"

"Busy too. Moody's given me my own team now."

He smiled. "Good. I had my doubts but the old nut seems to know a good thing when he sees it. Are they any good?"

"Yeah. I've worked with a lot of them before. You remember Frank Longbottom?"

His mind immediately flashed to that chart in master's chambers with Frank and Alice Longbottom's names written right above James and Lily Potters, both of them with two enormous silver crosses beside them. He shook that image away.

"Yeah. We went to school with him and his wife, didn't we?"

"Frank was a couple of years ahead of us, but yeah. He's on my team."

He nodded. "You have to keep them in line, Evans. Don't give them as much as a finger or they'll take your whole arm off."

She laughed. "So you're the expert now, huh?"

"I've learned a thing or two in the past months."

"I'm sure."

"Ha ha." He suddenly felt something digging into his side and he remembered something. Reaching into his robe pocket, he pulled out a small cardboard box and gave it to her.

"Here."

"What the hell is this? Sev, you didn't have to get me anything!"

"I know that, but I wanted to. I wouldn't have gotten that diploma today if it hadn't been for you nagging me and helping me."

She bit her lip and stared at the small box. "Sev…"

"Just open it. I'm not taking it back and it would look really silly on me if I wore it so you have to keep it. Besides, it took Gorgon and I quite a while to get it."

Frowning a bit suspiciously, she slowly opened it and peered inside. Nestled in white tissue paper was a silver chain on which a silver lion hung, his eyes and the ends of his mane studded with rubies.

She gasped. "Sev, this must have cost you a fortune!"

He squirmed. "Not exactly."

"Then how did you—"

"It's best you don't ask any questions." A brief memory of haggling with Nott over giving up the necklace flashed through his mind. The espionage assistant had stolen it off a witch he had kidnapped the day before at a raid. Obviously, the witch had to have been a Gryffindor. Severus had agreed to make him a pound of crystal meth in exchange for it. Nott had agreed and after a few days spent over a cauldron, Severus had handed it over and gotten the necklace. He knew Evans would like it. How he got it was beside the point, as he had spent days reminding Fawkes.

She frowned at him and then smirked. "Alright then." She gently pulled it out and held it up, the faint light of the nearby astronomy towers and the moon shining off it.

"Sev, it's beautiful." Smiling, she unclasped it and put it around her neck. "Thank you, I love it." She reached over and hugged him.

He smiled. "Good."

They sat in silence for a while, Evans grinning down at the feisty lion around her neck.

"So how are things at home?"

She sighed and immediately, launched into a tirade about Sirius' lavish plans for Harry's first birthday which seemed to involve everything a bachelor party should and nothing a year old child's birthday should.

Leaning against the wall, Severus smiled, quietly listening to her.

"I mean, is the mutt insane? Harry's not even a year old! And of course, James isn't any better, not wanting to yell at Black like he should and just hoping that he'll lose interest in it sooner or later. And Remus just sits there, doing what he does best: looking confused and polite at the same time and not offering any opinion on the matter! I mean, how am I supposed to get the mutt to think like a responsible adult when the rest of them—"

And on it went, Severus not interupting and letting her rant about on, not worried about anything else at the moment.


	35. Chapter 35

Path of Shaded Light

Chapter 35

'Once you've stuck the souffle into the oven, all you can do is wait. It'll either rise or it won't. Worrying about it won't change a thing about it.'

- Joseph Sisko, 'In the Pale Moonlight'

(_Star Trek: Deep Space Nine_)

May 10th, 1981

The Dark Manor

The mouse crept down the corridor and peered around the corner. Standing up on its hindlegs, it squinted down the deserted hallway. Seeing the tall figure of Master Jugson leaving her chambers, it crept a bit closer and listened carefully.

"Willow tree."

Watching until she disappeared around the corner, her robes flapping around her ankles and the silver dark mark on her cloak gleaming in the faint torch light, it ran back down the corridor, down two flights of stairs, ran between the legs of Macnair and one of his assistants as they grumbled to each other, and finally reached Severus' quarters.

Inside, Severus was marking reports and keeping half an eye on a bubbling cauldron on the nearby table.

"_Well_?"

"_She's gone_."

Putting his quill down and putting a shield around the cauldron to keep out any unwanted particulates and prevent people from disturbing it, he pushed himself up. The mouse transfigured back into a vial and Severus summoned it to himself and put it into his pocket.

"Elf, are you ready?" He whispered in Elfish.

Gorgon nodded and quickly pulled out a vial of Polyjuice Potion and drank it down. Immediately, his face morphed into that of a young, female elf with wide eyes rimmed with long eyelashes and two good ears. Severus smirked briefly, recognizing Gabby's face. He had told his elf to get the hair of any elf he found remotely attractive and would be able to acquire a hair from without being noticed. He should have known his elf would choose Gabrielle.

"_I can't believe we're doing this again. Is there no sane way to break into her quarters?_"

Ignoring Fawkes, Severus bent down and summoned a small kit to himself. Opening it, he quickly started applying make up to his elf's transformed face, making him look every bit the fetching seductress he was supposed to be. When he was satisfied and had made sure the lipstick wasn't smudged, he nodded and straightened again. He had done this often enough now to know exactly what kind of mistakes any female in the manor would notice and which they wouldn't.

"Well, elf, you could definitely give Gabrielle a run for her money."

Gorgon grinned and then waggled his eyebrows seductively.

Rolling his eyes, Severus swept out of his room, feeling his elf hurrying down the corridors in the opposite direction. It wouldn't do for them to be seen walking together.

Pulling out a scroll of parchment and pretending to be absorbed in it, he strode down the corridor, turning around corners and hurrying up stairs. He looked busy and intimidating enough for nobody to stop him or bother him with stupid questions.

He saw Davies approaching him from the other side of the corridor and quickly ducked down another passage, not having time for her inane questions right now.

Finally reaching Jugson's chambers, he paused.

"_Password_?"

"_Willow tree_."

Not surprised, he muttered the word and the door swung open. Jugson might be an arrogant, cruel woman but she was espionage master for a reason. She always chose passwords which were completely unrelated to her job and thus made it harder for anybody to guess them.

He saw his elf sauntering down the corridor from the other end, humming to himself and swinging his hips back and forth, smiling coyly at the people he passed. Good. If Jugson came back too soon, his elf would distract her long enough for them to get what they needed.

Ducking through the open door, he shut it behind him and immediately went to her desk. He quickly conjured up a small mirror which he murmured a spell over and left it hanging in the air beside him. It clearly showed the empty corridor outside the door where his elf was sauntering around. Good. Even if he couldn't hear her approaching, he would be able to see them.

He pulled out his wand and held it over his hand, muttering a dark spell over it. The skin on the back of his hand shimmered and then became transparent. The spell dug deeper until there appeared to be a round hole in his hand. Moving his hand over the papers on Jugson's desk, he looked through his hand and saw the different layers of papers and the faint writing on each one. Squinting, he could differentiate between the layers and read the words written on the pages which were covered by other papers. It was a neat little spell which he had taken to using whenever he had to rummage through anybody's belongings to avoid actually touching them and potentially leaving behind some evidence of his snooping. Salazar had been very impressed with him.

Working as quickly as he could, he scanned the top of the desk and then turned to the drawers. Muttering another complex spell, he closed his eyes and then opened them again. Everything around him had turned purple and he could see through solid objects. He glanced at her cupboard and saw the books and clothes inside of it as if the solid wooden door weren't even there.

Turning to the desk again, he squinted at it and focused until he could see the contents of the first drawer clearly and the lower drawers were a mere blur. Moving his hand before his eyes, he slowly deciphered the writing on the different layers of paper. He felt a headache starting behind his eyes and groaned inwardly. Now was _not_ the time. He had to focus.

He skimmed over reports her assistants had submitted to her, various blue prints for different buildings, stacks of old newspaper clippings with various names and faces circled with blood red ink and bits of pieces of parchment with names, dates and bits of information scribbled onto them.

He searched desperately, looking for the one name he needed to find.

"_Severus, I think I see her coming back_!"

Fear shooting up his spine, he spun around and stared at the mirror. Sure enough, Alexandra Jugson was striding down the corridor, a scowl on her face as she skimmed a piece of parchment in her hands.

"Damn it!" Turning back to the desk, he feverishly searched through it, resisting the urge to yank open drawers and start throwing things around. Small beads of sweat ran down his back and his hand was trembling as he forced himself to remember how to breathe.

"_What are you still standing there for? Let's go! Forget about this madness, forget about plan A, B and all the other nonsense! Severus_!"

"_Shut up, Fawkes! I know you're scared_—"

"_And you're not_?" The bird was sounding hysterical.

"_Of course I am_!" Severus snapped back but forced himself to remain calm and keep searching. "_But falling apart won't get us anywhere! We've got to find that paper_!"

"_Fine, just hurry up! Please_!"

"_Are you ready for our back up plan in case Gorgon can't stall her_?"

"_What back up plan_!"

"_Bird_!"

"_Right, right! Disillusionment and imperius, yes, I've got it. I'm ready, but you swore to me we wouldn't actually have to do it! It's much too risky_!"

"_Well, I lied_."

He spared a glance at the mirror again and saw his elf approaching the master. She spun around and stared down her nose at the small elf, who leered at her and wiggled her hips. He saw his elf saying something to her and saw Jugson waving a hand dismissively and about to turn back around. His elf's eyes widened with slight fear.

Severus' heart leapt into his throat. "_Alright, bird. She's not buying it. Get ready_—"

Suddenly, his elf leapt forward and grabbed onto Jugson's robes, quickly saying something else. Jugson stopped and lowered her scroll as she seemed to be deciding something. Glancing up and down the corridor to see if anybody was there, she saw that they were alone and then glared down at his elf, asking him something. Gorgon wiggled an eyebrow at her and said something.

Satisfied that his elf would keep her busy for a few moments, he went back to searching the desk.

Finally, he spied a piece of paper on which the name he needed was written.

"Yes!" He whispered.

Quickly skimming it, his heart sank when he saw it was just a list of the aurors they had been targetting for the attack at the ministry.

"Damn it!"

"_Severus, she's stopped talking. We're out of time! We've got to switch to plan B_."

Sighing, Severus nodded and stepped back beside the wall and disillusioned himself, knowing the opening of the door would keep him hidden.

He quickly vanished the mirror and made sure nothing was disturbed. He waited until he heard Jugson's footsteps approaching her door and heard her muttering the password. He heard his elf urgently asking her something else, trying to buy them one last moment, but he wanted to tell his elf not to bother. They had to switch to plan B. Not only hadn't they got what they came for, but they didn't have time or space to get away without risking getting caught.

He took a deep breath. Plan B was riskier than plan A had been, but they had to try for the Cravens sake. The Cravens had gotten away from a pack of Death Eaters who had been sent on master's instructions to kill them just three days ago and master was in a rage when seeing a third strike next to their name. Since they had defied him three times now, he ordered Jugson to get rid of them no matter the cost and not to mess up. Severus had immediately informed the headmaster, who had put the Cravens into hiding and told them to make somebody their secret keeper but warned them not to tell anybody the identity of their chosen keeper.

Apparently, Jugson had worked quickly and had been able to locate the secret keeper the Cravens had chosen. No one except the Cravens knew who their secret keeper was so it was beyond Severus how Jugson had managed to find out, but that wasn't the point. Nobody except the secret keeper knew where the Cravens were hiding so even if their secret keeper was caught, it wouldn't be possible to warn them until their secret keeper either broke and gave them up, or got away in time to warn them. Severus knew this was going to be risky and every moment was precious, but he had to try to find the name of the secret keeper and locate him or her before his other collegues did. It was the only chance the Cravens and their nearly one year old daughter Gracey had.

The door slammed open and Jugson strode in, the door nearly hitting Severus in the face.

As soon as the door shut behind her, Severus threw the imperius curse at her. She staggered forward and then slowly straightened, starting to turn around.

Putting a voice altering charm on himself, he held up a hand and froze her in place.

"Don't turn around." He knew she would obey but he kept her frozen, not wanting to chance it.

"Find me information concerning the Cravens secret keeper."

Unfreezing her, he watched as she moved behind her desk and opened a compartment Severus hadn't had time to search. He mentally kicked himself as she riffled through papers and then pulled out the right one.

Severus quickly snatched it from her and held his hand over it. Fawkes quickly copied it for him and he transfigured the copy into a quill and stuck it into his pocket. He handed the original back to her and told her to put it away. She complied and then stood there, her back still to him, waiting for his orders.

Moving up behind her, he put a revealing charm on her and put his finger tip to her temple and started pulling memories out of her head. The most recent ones were the easiest to grab and he worked quickly, gently pulling out the strands of silver. Leaving them floating in the air, he started gently enlarging them and unraveling them until he could see the shadowy figures and objects within them. Like mini muggle movies, they played out before his eyes. He grabbed hold of the one in which she strode into her office and got cursed and handed him the parchment. Moving very delicately and slowly, he tore out that little piece and stuck it into an empty vial in his pocket.

Pulling out another vial from his robe pockets, he unstoppered it and held the bottle to his fingertip. He watched as the silvery substance inside attached to his fingertip and he gently pulled it out, the memory clinging to it. Moving carefully, he inserted it into the empty space between the two torn strands.

"_Bird, help me make the flow seamless_."

"_Yes, yes. I know how this is done by now, thank you very much. It isn't as if this is the first time we've done this_."

Glittering red streams of magic flowed out of his fingertips and he watched as they wrapped around the small strand of memory and sealed it. Gently, he prodded the memories until they flowed back into her head, delicately folding themselves back into their proper order.

Waiting a few moments, he took a step back from her and put the vial away. Taking a deep breath and hoping that the memory had integrated itself properly, he ignored Fawkes' frantic twitters.

"Step outside your door."

Once she was outside, he left her door ajar and glanced up and down the deserted corridor.

His elf was nowhere in sight. Good.

Quickly taking the imperius curse off her, he took the disillusionment charm off himself. Then he threw a hard confundus hex at her and watched as she slammed against the wall with a hard thud and crumbled to the floor.

He smirked at her, before quickly starting their cover up plan.

Frowning in concern, he crouched down beside her.

"Master Jugson! Are you alright?"

She slowly lifted her head and frowned at him, her eyes unfocused. "Wha—What am I doing on the floor?" she mumbled, still dazed.

"Two unruly assistants got into an argument and started dueling in the middle of the corridor. You stepped outside to enforce order and got hit with a confundus hex."

She frowned, her eyes clouded with confusion. "I don't recall such an incident."

Shit. Severus tried to look politely confused and narrowed his eyes at her. "Are you feeling alright, Master Jugson? Perhaps the hex affected your memories."

He nearly forgot to breathe as he watched her gaze wander around the empty corridor, her mind trying to incorporate the new memory properly.

Severus had had to put enough false memories into the espionage master's head to know that she usually caught onto the new memories rather quickly, and this lapse in time was unusual. He hoped it was only because of the confundus hex and being slammed into the wall.

Finally, she nodded slowly. "Yes, yes," she whispered, clearing her throat and struggling to stand up as gracefully as possible. "Yes, of course. I trust you took care of the situation, Master Snape?"

"Of course, Master Jugson. They have been dealt with. Are you certain you are alright? Perhaps I should send for one of the elves—"

"No, no. That is not necessary." With a firm nod, she turned back to her open door and grabbed the doorframe as she swayed, but then strode in without a backwards glance.

Severus waited until the door slammed in his face and then smirked as he started back towards his quarters. Damn arrogant woman, but a useful one.

May 12th, 1981

Tremont Avenue

Ducking underneath the branches of an apple tree, Lily carefully scanned the area around herself with her handheld detector. It remained still.

Nodding, she glanced over her shoulder and gave the signal. She heard the silent rustle of leaves around her as her other team members quietly crept up to the dark house. She could feel Frank's comforting presence somewhere behind her and to the left, right where he was supposed to be. It calmed her nerves better than any calming draught could have.

She checked her disillusionment charm to ensure it was still functioning fully and then slowly crept forward, holding her wand in one hand and detector in the other. She grimaced at the cramps starting in her legs but continued on.

Finally, she reached the window of the basement of the house. Feeling around it for wards, she frowned when she didn't feel any. It had been a wise move on Gerald Hogkins' part to hide in a muggle town. But what wasn't smart was being a secret keeper in the middle of a residential area with no wards protecting him. No muggle would detect wards and they would be the only warning he would have if any Death Eaters tried to creep up on him.

She frowned. It made no sense. Sev's voice rose up within her, remembering words he had told her long ago when they had crept along dark corridors of the school long after curfew and the sound of Mrs. Norris' quietly pattering feet had come to a stop after trailing them for two floors. It didn't make any sense, which meant that something was wrong. He had hissed those words into her ear right after she had breathed a sigh of relief, automatically assuming Mrs. Norris had decided to go somewhere else. He had been proven right a moment later when they rounded a corner and found her sitting right there, glaring at them.

She glanced at the dark, still house. It made no sense for there not to be any wards, so something had to be wrong.

She pulled out her communication stone. "Back out, gamma team. Back out."

"We're almost at the front door, Auror Potter!"

"Doesn't matter! There are supposed to be wards on this house and there aren't! Back out!" she hissed, irritated that the younger auror was questioning her orders.

She started moving backwards, keeping low and her mind already forming an alternate plan. They needed to back out and do a more thorough surveillance of the house before going further. She wasn't going to try and play hero and end up a dead lion. Sev would smirk at her for eternity and never let her forget it.

She was almost at the edge of the garden when she ran into the rest of her team. Her eyes counted them and she came up with one short.

"Where is Dobbins?" she hissed Tony.

The young auror glanced over his shoulder, seeming frantic. "He was right behind me, Auror Potter! He was backing out!"

Swearing, she pushed past him and saw Dobbins still at the front door, wand held out and ready to blast the door open. He gently touched the doorknob with his wand.

"Dobbins!" she hissed into the stone in her hand. "Dobbins, back up! Don't touch the door! That's an ord—"

With an enormous bang, the front door exploded and fire erupted inside the house, blasting out every window in the place.

"Get down!" Lily yelled, throwing herself to the ground and covering her head with her arms. She heard Dobbins scream and flying backwards through the air. Chunks of mortar, dirt and glass raining down on her.

When all she heard was Dobbins' low moaning and the crackling of flames, she slowly raised her head and glanced up, dirt and sweat covering her face.

A gigantic emerald dark mark sparkled above the house, the grin smirking at her.

Shit. She bit her lip and rage welled up within her as she pounded the grass beneath her with her fist.

"Damn it!" she cried. "Damn them! Those miserable, fucking—" She glanced around and saw her team huddled on the ground, half of them staring in shock at the burning house and the others staring at her for direction. She took a deep breath. Control, Sev whispered to her. Control, Evans.

"Eva, Toby, go and check on Horatio. Do what you can for him and then take the port key to St. Mungo's. Don't apparate, it'll be too painful for him. I'll meet you there. The rest of us will go back to headquarters and report this."

She glared at the house. Frank Longbottom brushed bits of glass and dirt off his cloak as he stood up and went to stand at her side.

"We have to get out of here, Lily. The muggles will be coming soon." He murmured, staring at the house.

She bit her lip, anger welling up inside her again. "They set us up, Frank. Those slimy, fucking gits set us up! They already have Hodkins!"

"I know."

Clenching her fist, she pushed a strand of hair which had escaped her tight braid off her face. "And now we have no idea where the hell the Cravens are and we have no way to warn them." She glared at the house, angry tears welling up in her eyes. "Fuck!"

Damn it, Gracey Craven. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry.


	36. Chapter 36

Path of Shaded Light

Chapter 36

'We're the pain that you feel, we're the scars that don't heal, we're the tears in your eyes, we're the reason you cry, we're the voice in your head, we're the lies that you said, we're the best thing you had but you pushed us away. We are the lost, the ones forgotten, and this time the future is ours, it's in our hands. The lost, the ones forgotten, we've got nothing to lose, together we stand up tall, we are one.'

- 'One' by Simple Plan

His hand trembled as he poured his master another glass of wine and brought it over to him. Handing it to him, he lay back down on the floor.

"Now, continue my precious serpent."

Severus turned another page in the book and gently smoothed the yellowed pages. He quietly launched into the continuation, raising his voice when his master tilted his head slightly, his hearing having deteriorated even more in past months.

He was interupted when his master held up a finger and glanced at the far away door.

"A moment, Severus. I seems we are about to be interupted." He flicked his hand at the door and it swung open and Bella stepped in, immediately prostrating herself and crawling towards them.

Once she reached them, she remained silent. The Dark Lord sipped his wine and put it back onto the small table by his side.

"What is it, Bella? You know I do not like to be disturbed while I am reading."

Bella kept her face low so her nose was touching the ground. "I beg my master's forgiveness for my rudeness, but Master Macnair has urgent news from the interogation chambers."

Severus froze. He knew they had captured Hodkins earlier that day and had been trying to break him every since. Severus had managed to sneak into the holding chamber and put a quick obliviate charm on him, but he had only been able to cast a very weak one before Rudolphus walked in, demanding to know why he was there. Making some excuses about wanting to see the vermin who was trying to betray their master had been easy, but attempting the charm again was impossible. Especially when he had been called up to master's chambers a few minutes later and had spent the rest of the day reading to him.

Please, please, please make them not have broken through the charm already. He needed time to get down there and destroy the memories concerning the Cravens completely.

"We have broken through the obliviation charm. It wasn't a very good one. Master Macnair thinks he put it on himself right before he was taken."

The Dark Lord smiled thinly, red eyes sparkling in the dim firelight. "Have you gotten the Craven's location?"

"Yes, master."

"Good. Severus, your arm."

Severus held up his left arm and felt his master gently placing two fingers onto the mark. It tingled happily and a jolt of pleasure ran through him as the Dark Lord whispered Macnair and Avery's names. Their marks would start tingling and then burning as their summons reached them.

"Leave me, both of you. I have much to plan and very little time to do it in. The Cravens must be eliminated quickly." He sighed sadly, staring into the flames below him. "I have given them the chance to come out of hiding voluntarily and surrender themselves to my cleansing and forgiveness, but they are too ill to know what they are doing. It pains me greatly, but they are a threat to me and must be eliminated."

Severus swallowed all of his panic and forced himself to stare at the letters on the page before him.

He felt himself numbly shuffling backwards out of the room. His mind threatened to spin out of control, but he kept a tight hold on it, knowing it was too dangerous for him to lose control of his thoughts so close to their master.

As soon as the door closed, he started running down the corridor.

"Sevvie! Where are you going?" He heard her feet behind him as she ran after him. He turned down a corner and sprinted down the stairs.

He had to get to Hodkins before he died. He had to know where the Cravens were hiding. They only had a few hours of time, but they could pull it off. They had to.

"Sevvie! What's wrong?"

His chest burned as he madly ran down the corridors and down stairs until he reached the interrogations chambers. He burst in the door, gasping for breath. A very surprised Rudolphus spun around and stared at him, pulling off thick gloves and putting his wand on a nearby table.

"Master Snape! What are you doing down here again?"

Severus ignored his question and pushed past him to the figure hanging by shackles on the wall. Gerald's eyes were glassy and vacant as he stared at the floor, his head hanging limply.

He was dead.

Despair hit him and he nearly crumbled.

"Sevvie? What do you want from him? He's dead now, but you're welcome to keep him, if you want."

"Master Snape—" Rudolphus tried again.

Severus turned to him, rage flashing across his face, but not for the reason Lestrange thought. "I came to see the filth who had the audacity to harbor such vermin from our master! Now get out of here!"

Lestrange stared at him without moving. Bella snarled and threw a hex at him which lifted her husband up and threw him out the door.

"Sevvie said to get out!" She screamed after him as she slammed the door after him.

Looking satisfied, she turned back to Severus. He took his eyes off the secret keepers body and stared at her.

"Bella, you were here, weren't you? Did you hear what he said? Did you hear where they are?"

"Sevvie, don't worry about it. I know how angry you are at them, I am too. They have disobeyed master's orders and they are a danger to him. They are sick, Sevvie. It's not their fault that they've been lead down such a horribly wrong path, but they'll be taken care of quickly. Don't worry."

He grabbed her arms and shook her, fear and despair nearly making him weep.

"Did you hear anything, Bella?" He screamed.

She stared at him, looking confused. Then she bit her lip and seemed to think it over. "Hm, well, he said a lot of things. Things about flowers his wife likes and how he used to play quidditch with the Craven husband. I think he said they used to play together at his house when they were little. You know, with brooms and things." She looked puzzled as she frowned, trying hard to remember. "I think I forgot what those ball things are called, Sevvie. I'm sorry."

He shook her again. "What did he say about where the Cravens were hiding?" He grit out between clenched teeth.

She appeared completely undisturbed by his shaking and frowned again. "Hm, I think that was the part when I went to go pee, Sevvie. Yes, most definitely. That was when I had to go pee."

"You—" He turned around and kicked the wall beside him, Gerald's shackles clinking from the force.

"I asked him if he had to go pee too, Sevvie! I did! But then I remembered that Avery had cut off his penis about a minute ago so he didn't have to go pee. You see? No harm done. Why are you so angry, Sevvie? I did ask him if he had to go too, I did!"

Severus took a few deep breaths and clenched his jaw. They were too late. Avery and Macnair would be on their way to the Cravens already and he couldn't possibly catch them and riffle through their memories without somebody wondering where they were. Damn it, they were too late. All that bloody work and it was all for nothing.

Damn it!

Bella looked close to tears as she stared at him. "I'm sorry I had to go pee, Sevvie, I really am! I won't go ever again, I promise, just please don't be mad at me."

He sighed, feeling tears welling up in the back of his eyes. No, he had no right to cry. Not now. Besides, this wasn't the time or the place.

It was over. There was nothing more they could do.

Turning to Bella, he gently grabbed her shoulders. "Bella, look at me. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled and I'm not mad at you. I'm just mad at the situation."

She smiled and sniffed. "I know, Sevvie. Me too. But their sickness will be ended soon. They won't suffer for much longer."

He clenched his jaw so hard he nearly broke his teeth. "Yeah."

Smiling at him, she took his hand and lead him out of the room. "Come on, Sevvie. We'll go upstairs and I'll make you feel better."

Feeling numb, he allowed her to walk him up the stairs.

"Sevvie?"

He struggled to find his voice. "Yeah?"

"Am I still not allowed to go pee?"

Fuck this world. All of it. "Of course—of course you're allowed to go pee, Bella. Whenever the hell you want."

She skipped a bit. "Oh, good. That's so good. Sevvie always makes his Bella happy."

May 14th, 1981

Hogwarts School

She wrapped her arms around herself, trying to ward off the cold which she didn't really feel.

The tombstone was small and elegant with an angle carved into its face. Her mother had always said that her daughter was an angle. Maybe now she really was.

"Sev, we can't blame ourselves for what happened," she whispered hoarsely, not needing to speak up. He stood right beside her, staring at the grave, his face blank.

He gave a hollow sounding laugh. "Of course not. It's Bella's fault for having to go to the bathroom while he was giving up their location."

She sighed softly. "Sev, you know what I mean. We did everything we could."

"A lot of good it did."

She didn't respond, knowing how badly they were both hurting. He had frantically contacted the headmaster who had relayed the message to auror headquarters that the Cravens would be attacked at any moment, but without knowing where they were, there was nothing they could do.

Macnair and Avery had moved quickly, and within two hours, Nadine and Richard Craven and their small daughter Gracey had been brought to the manor. Since the list of potential parents had decreased to only a handful of names, everytime one of them was eliminated was a grand occasion. All three of them had been tortured and then killed, all in the name of keeping harm from Lord Voldemort. The parents' bodies had been burned to ash but Severus had been able to snatch Gracey's tiny body, claiming that he needed an infant to test something on. He had wrapped up the small, still body, brown eyes staring blankly at the world she was too young to understand and would never have a chance to. Since her parent couldn't be buried and the public burial of a baby whom the Dark Lord's potions master had said he needed for an experiment was an enormous risk to take, Headmaster Dumbledore decided to bury her in the cemetary on Hogwarts grounds.

The actual service had been quiet with only Order of the Phoenix members attending. When night set, only one of them remained at the grave and she barely noticed when a silent shadow had appeared out of the darkness around her and had stood at her elbow.

She glanced at him again. "Sev, please. We can't win them all, you know that."

Severus didn't respond, only stared hard at the tombstone. Braden Caughly and his twin brother Matthew were milling around it, touching it gently and staring at each other and him with sad eyes. The young blue eyed girl sat on top of another tombstone beside them, swinging her legs and staring at nothing in particular. Severus stared at her. Gorgon had found out her name a few months ago when he had been going through a box of junk Severus had stored in a corner in his room. A tiny necklace with the name Nadia Geller had been in the midst of the junk. Gorgon had vaguely remembered Bella having taken the necklace off the dead girl before getting rid of her and having tossed it onto a table where Severus had swept it into a box along with other odds and ends he didn't have time for. They weren't sure that that was her name, but it helped Severus to think that he knew her name. He was her murderer, the least he could do was know her name.

She gave him a sad smile and then got up to stand by Gracey's tombstone along with the Caughly twins. The Jones twins and Vera Powell and her daughter Katie (who had been killed when her husband Ignatius had been discovered as a traitor) were walking around the cemetary, occasionally glancing at him with sad eyes but mostly just staring at nothing.

He wanted to turn around and scream at them all that he was sorry, that he really had tried and that if he could exchange his life with theirs, he would do it in a heart beat. But he knew it wouldn't do any good. They would never forgive him, nor should they.

He half expected a tiny version of Gracey Craven to drift up from the grave, but knew that it was unnecessary. The others all made sure he would never forgive himself and never be allowed to forget what he had done to them. Gracey Craven was free to move into the afterworld, reassured that her murderer and his accomplice would never be truly free of her.

"Sev, what are you looking at?"

He shook his head. "Nothing that I can ever be forgiven for, Evans."

Without another word, he turned away from the grave, slowly walking to the gates where he could apparate back to the dark manor. After a few moments, his silent ghosts followed him, Nadia skipping along the dusty road and Vera Powell tightly holding onto Katie's and Matthew's hands.


	37. Chapter 37

Path of Shaded Light 

Chapter 37

Author's Note: In honor of Goblet coming out in theaters (which I am so thrilled to say ties with Azkaban as the best of the four movies so far in my opinion!), I have four new chapters for you all. I know we're all getting excited about halloween, but there are so many things which have to be dealt with before our friend Voldemort goes poof. Every single one of these chapters deals with very important issues, and if you don't understand why I bothered with some of these parts, then you just have to sit and think a bit. These are the last chapters dealing with the rest of the wizaring world during first war. From now on, everything concentrates on that dreaded halloween night. Happy reading and if you're feeling kind, leave me a little review.

'More calm than a heartbeat that flatlines, quiet like a dark street under the moonlight, a phrase of action that's been screamed from the guts of men ever since their first experienced injustice, prejudice, discrimination, a word louder than a gunshot and softer than a baby's laugh. It will pass, just like it always does until it spits off the lips of the next man who's had it up to here. Did someone say a Revolution?'

- 'Revolution' by POD

June 17th, 1981

Covington Road

A curse slammed into the wall beside him and it exploded. Ignoring the shards of bricks and glass raining onto him, he leapt off Xira, sent a volley of curses off behind him and landed on Xira again. Turning her around and feeling her hooves sliding across the wet pavement, he raced back down the road, Bella whopping as she ran beside him.

He spied two of Greyback's werewolves chasing some of the aurors down the street, eyes gleaming and sharpened teeth stained with dark red blood. He turned his back on them, praying that the aurors would manage to get away from them. He hated the filthy savages worse than his fellow Death Eaters.

"Master Snape!" He barely heard the frantic yell over the sound of explosions, sizzling curses, pounding rain and screams.

He squinted through the rain and flashes of light, quickly forgetting about the werewolves and the sick feeling in his stomach thinking of them always brought about. Davies was hurrying towards him, her mask half off and her eyes wild.

"Our third division has completely fallen apart, sir!"

"What?"

"Our third divi—"

"I heard you!" Reaching down, he grabbed onto her arms and pulled her up behind him, rain streaming off his hood and under his mask.

Turning Xira around again, he urged her into a faster run, Davies clinging onto him.

"Where the hell is your Thestral, Davies?"

"Dead, sir."

"Bella! Stay with me! Bella! Leave them! We've got to get the division back into shape!"

He screamed after her when he saw her wanting to take off after a fleeing trio of aurors.

They raced down the streets, rain pounding around them and thunder grumbling somewhere behind them.

When he turned the final corner, he saw a bunch of Thestrals roaming around and panicked assistants screaming and running around, clearly at a complete loss as to what to do.

Curses were raining down on them from above and Severus saw the huddled forms of aurors on top of the roof tops close to them. Good. He had told the headmaster exactly where the third division would be and they had thought to station a bunch of aurors up there to hopefully scatter them. It seemed to have worked too well. The Dark Lord would have his head over this.

"Get back into formation!" he screamed, hurrying into the chaos and lifting Davies off from behind him.

"Get back onto your Thestrals and into formation!"

"What formation, sir?"

He was going to kill them all. "A circular shield! Hurry up!"

Running around the crowd and occasionally dodging a curse and lifting his mark up to deflect an oncoming hex, he let Bella watch his back and fire up at the aurors as he rode amongst the idiots and yelled and pointed and physically lifted some up to throw them into the general direction he needed them in.

He let out a whistle and waited until the Thestrals had all stopped and looked at him. "Get to the ends of the street!" They took off, responding much faster than their riders.

Just as he expected, the Thestral's riders took off after them, climbing on and hanging on while the Thestrals took off down the street, doing what they were supposed to.

"Davies! Get those three morons into a circle! What the hell are you doing? Rabastan! Leave her alone, she's dead already, she's not a target anymore! Get into formation! Gleeson! Don't make me go over there you imbecile! Get your arse over there! Do it or you'll be doing it with less limbs than you currently have!"

Ducking under a curse, he swore as he nearly slipped off Xira, her mane soaked and hide slippery from rain.

"Sevvie, I got two of them! Did you see?"

"That's great, Bella!" he screamed back over the rain. "Gleeson! I'm not going to say it again! Piss in your pants if you want to but get into formation!"

XXXXXX

"Look at the piss-heads! I thought they were supposed to be trained!"

"Don't celebrate just yet, Padfoot! One of their masters showed up. He's bound to whip them back into formation!"

Sirius squinted through the rain and scowled when he saw the darkly robed figure riding amongst the confused troops, yelling and pointing, the silver rope around his waist reflecting in the dim light from the nearby street lamps.

He kept low as he carefully crawled over the slippery rooftop, keeping an eye on the confusion below him. The morons were starting to get back into the circular shield formation they were supposed to be in and hexes were starting to fly up to the roof with higher frequency than before.

He smirked as he ducked a volley of light and sent an answering hex back down. Shaking the rain out of his eyes, he laughed as he saw one of the darkly robed figures running down the street, yelling for his or her Thestral to come back.

Morons.

"I hate this pissing rain," James grumbled, having crawled up beside him, his glasses streaked with rain.

Sirius shrugged. "Who the hell cares about the rain, mate? We get to pick these bastards off like flies on honey."

"Yeah and meanwhile Lily's sitting at home, warm and toasty, chatting to Alice over the floo and smirking at both of us."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You just had to bring her up, didn't you?"

"Sirius," James said in a warning tone.

Ignoring him, Sirius grinned as he saw a group of Death Eaters still milling around, paying more attention to themselves than their surroundings.

Grabbing James' sodden cloak, he hauled him up. "Come on, Prongs! I see some flies waiting!"

XXXXXX

They were losing. Severus desperately threw a curse up to the roof. It missed and fizzled out in the gloomy sky.

"Sevvie! Let's bring the roof down!" He heard a scream over the rain.

Severus glanced up at the roof, knowing that Evans might not be up there but other aurors were.

"It'll take too much time, Bella!"

"But—"

"No! We've got to retreat and regroup! Crouch! Get back to your own division! Leave Rabastan, he can tend to himself! Davies! We're retreating! Give the order!"

Turning around on Xira, he kept a tight hold of her mane and started yelling for everybody to back out.

His assistants started running in the direction he pointed at, ducking curses as they ran and splashing through the ankle deep puddles. They leapt over the bodies of the dead and ignored the moans of the wounded as they scampered away.

Severus thought he heard a whoop coming from the rooftop, the triumphant sound carrying through the rain.

He grit his teeth. "It's not over yet," he muttered, turning Xira around and racing off down the street, dodging the fleeing darkly robed figures and screaming at them to hurry up.

Once they had moved away from where the aurors were stationed, Severus gave the order to halt.

"Reform into your hexagonal divisions and move down the streets! Emerson! Hurry up!"

He screamed over the rain.

He watched as they quickly formed groups of six and hurried down the streets, keeping their eyes on their surroundings.

"_Fawkes, tell the headmaster we've regrouped and we've had to change our tactics. Get the fighters off the roofs and into the streets_!"

"_On my way_." He felt Fawkes' presence retreating from his mind and he turned his attention back to his own troops.

Picking a direction at random, he yelled for Bella and they took off down a street, firing curses and praying their Thestrals didn't slip in the rain.

He passed by some of his assistants, who were thankfully staying in their formations and doing what they were supposed to.

He didn't particularily care they won or lost, what was important was that he made sure they put in a good enough fight for the Dark Lord but didn't completely obliterate the Light troops. He reached up and wiped the rain off his mask. Wherever the hell Lisa Kaybourne was now, she was probably a lot warmer, drier and less stressed than he was right now.

July 3rd, 1981

The Dark Manor

"—to the stage exactly forty-five minutes before the ceremony begins, do you understand me?"

"Yes, sir."

"And preparation of the ingredients is to be done before hand."

"Yes, sir. It's already underway."

Damn, he could feel a headache starting behind his eyes. Now was not the time.

"Good. I'm going to stop by the workshop in ten minutes and I don't want to see any sloppiness. If anything isn't chopped, sliced or ground to perfection, throw it out and begin again."

"Yes, sir."

"And the cauldrons have to be disinfected three times, Davies. Three. Not once. Not twice."

"Three times, yes, sir."

He could feel his hands starting to tremble. Clenching them, he groaned inwardly. Damn, this would be easier with his crystals. At the mere thought, everything concerning initiation slid out of his mind, visions of sparkling green crystals dancing in his eyes. He caught sight of Davies staring at him expectantly. What the hell had he been saying? Cauldrons, yes. Cauldrons. Not crystals.

"And after that, nobody touches them except with the gloves I specifically had disinfected for them."

"Of course, sir."

"The assistants I had picked to assist me on the stage must know every single step of the procedure, backwards and forwards. I will be quizzing them in thirty minutes."

"Yes, sir. I'll inform them."

"Good."

"Oh, one more thing, sir."

"What?"

"Young Randy McClay wanted to know if he could bring his parents here for the initiation."

He paused and stared at her as if she had grown two heads. "Is he mad?"

"I don't assume so, sir. I could check if you like."

He couldn't put up with this nonsense right now. McClay had been a constant source of irritation. Arrogant and rich he also happened to be damn good at potions, but never hid the fact that his parents were so proud of their little boy who was getting the chance to be on the front lines to bring about the new world order. Damn brat. He was one of the few who was so confident that he would pass initiation that he had already started forging ties with other assistants, trying to gain leverage in an organization he wasn't even officially a part of yet.

"Tell him I will disembowl them and hang them from the rafters if he apparates them in here."

"Yes, sir."

Turning the corner, he briskly walked to his chambers, sending Davies scampering down the corridor towards the workshop to carry out his instructions. He sighed as he threw open his door, massaging his temple. He was starting to feel vaguely nauseous and his hands were still trembling. He knew if anybody looked at him underneath the mask that he'd be pale and resemble somebody dying of the flu. Damn it!

His elf immediately hurried up to him. "Young master, Gorgy not able to get hermadine dye out of cloak hem! Try everything!"

He sighed. He didn't give a damn about his cloak, he wanted some crystals. Just a few tiny grains would sooth his nerves and leave him confident and in control. Maybe Bella had some. He realized he was staring at his elf without really seeing him and saw the worried frown starting to crease the elf's face. He grabbed his cloak and peered at the speck of purple on the bottom silver hem, forcing himself to seem absorbed in it. "Shit. Well, keep trying. Hopefully he won't notice, but I don't really want to take the chance."

He went to his desk and looked over the carefully prepared schedule one more time. Everything had to be perfect. This would be his first initiations ceremony as a master and he couldn't mess things up. The hallucinogenic potion which all initiates had to drink had to be prepared at exactly the right time for the potency to be perfect which meant that everything had to be prepared beforehand, which in itself was an organizational nightmare. Not to mention, he had to keep his strength up since he would be required to join the circle of masters keeping their lord levitated for the initiation testing.

Groaning, he massaged his temples again and wished the headache away. He skimmed over the ancient incantations he had been memorizing for days and murmured some of the more difficult passages to himself again.

His elf looked up from where he was frowning at the stubborn stain on his cloak, his wand in one hand and a dark bottle in another. "Young master knows incantation. He not worry himself about it."

"If I mess up even one word, master will feel the wobble in the magic and he will never forgive such a blunder! Can you imagine the embarrassment of master actually falling to the ground before everyone?"

His elf quickly bit back a smile and blinked slowly to cover up any amusement creeping over his face. "Of course, young master."

Grumbling, Severus folded up the paper and stuck it into his robe pocket. Picking up the schedule, he skimmed it and then walked back to the door.

"I have to tell all the initiates to shower and get ready, after that I'll be in the workshop. Come get me if you get the stain out or give up."

"Right."

XXXXXX

"Rabastan, put that firewhisky down and get that cauldron up to the stage!" He hollered through the crowd, manuvering through the mass of people and noise towards the stage. His headache was throbbing so badly now that he was sure anybody close to him could hear the thudding in his ears. Clenching his jaw, he snapped at people to get out of his way as he reached the stage and leapt up, the shaking in his limbs nearly making him fall over.

"Get the cauldrons in line and start the fires! Bring those buckets of ingredients over here! _Here_, Gleeson, not there, moron!"

He glanced away from the stage and his assistants for a moment and saw Bella in the corner with Lucius, snorting something from a paper Lucius was holding. His stomach lurched and he nearly started panting.

He realized Emerson was saying something to him.

"What?" he snapped.

"I asked if you wanted to start the bases right away, sir."

"Bases?" What the hell was she talking about? He tried to force himself to look away from Bella, but his eyes seemed glued to her as she sniffed and rubbed her nose, grinning.

"The bases for the potions, sir."

Oh, right. Damn it, he had to pay attention! "Yes, yes, get to it already! We've been over this a million times!"

Ignoring the sudden heat flash which raced down his spine, he swallowed a few times and then walked over to the cauldrons, trying to force himself to pay attention.

XXXXXX

"Welcome, my dark children. You have all successfully passed initiation and I welcome you into my home and my embrace. Out of the hundreds who have tried to be where you are now, you are the most intelligent and most worthy of this honor. You will now pledge your eternal loyalty to me and my other children and I in turn will pledge my eternal love to you."

It was nearly over. Severus lay by master's side on the floor, keeping his face against the cool marble and letting the heat in his head be cooled by the floor. His head was still throbbing painfully and his body kept wildly alternating between wanting to freeze to death or boil. Having nearly exhausted his magical energy by keeping master levitated for more than an hour hadn't helped make him feel any better. He had a feeling being run over by a crowd of stampeding Thestrals wouldn't make him feel this bad.

He could barely force himself to pay attention to what was going on before the throne. The initiates who had passed the visual inspection, the cruciatus testing and the potion induced loyalty test were now in a long line with their partners, patiently and nervously waiting to be branded and to take the oath.

He wanted to glare at the long line of idiots who were only moments away from selling their lives to a monster, but couldn't find the energy. He nearly moaned from the pain which was seizing his hands and wanted to start sobbing. He wanted his crystals. Just a little bit. A few grains wouldn't hurt him. Then he'd be clean again, he swore to himself. Never again. Just once more and then never again.

"Severus!"

He yanked his head up and stared up at his master, hoping that master wouldn't see his shaking. Master looked a little blurry but whether that was due to the cravings or exhaustion was beyond him.

A pair of espionage partners were kneeling before master, the espionage assistants having just started to be branded.

"Yes, master?"

"Bring me the Defensive Spells and Curses initiates list."

"Yes, my lord. From Yaxley's chambers?"

"No, my own chambers. On the table."

Nodding, he immediately slid towards the door and hurried out, trying to move noiselessly. As he ran he cursed master quietly for having forgotten to bring the list. He must have accidently left it behind when he grabbed the others.

His headache seemed to explode with every step as he neared the chambers and once he was inside, he nearly collapsed to the floor, sobbing. He was shaking from cold but his face felt burning hot as he pulled his mask off and clutched his head.

He heard a weak hiss coming from the corner which sounded like a laugh.

"Fuck off, Nagini!" he spat towards the noise.

What the hell was he doing in master's chambers again? Oh, yes, Yaxley's list.

He went to the table and gropped for the list and then stumbled to his feet again. He had to hurry back to the ceremony before all the espionage assistants were branded.

Wanting nothing more than to pass out and die, he nearly fell down the three flights of stairs to the large chambers and stumbled back in.

"—vow your hearts will be eternally mine?"

A low murmur of assent drifted over to him as he neared the throne and quietly handed master the list, the names of those who hadn't passed having immediately been wiped off.

The masters had been responsible for making sure they lined up the initiates in the same order as on the paper so master would have the appearance of knowing all their names personally.

He heard the hiss of hot iron on flesh and smelt burning skin as the new initiates were branded and then moved to the side.

He lay back down and went back to trying to sooth his burning head, not giving a damn about who was being branded before him and which of his eager and stupid initiates had passed and which ones were lying dead in the hallway outside the door.


	38. Chapter 38

Path of Shaded Light 

Chapter 38

'Every night the questions poured out of your wounded eyes, damn dark things. Everyday you used to pray, listen to the black raven sing. You wanted to believe as you were falling to your knees struggling to stand with your life in your hand; the sad last stand of a broken man. I wanted to believe as I watched your world crumble in your hands, I wanted to believe as you raised your glass to your last stand, and I wanted to believe you would win the war in your head that I did not understand. That I did not understand.'

- 'Suicide Note' by Johnette Napolitano

July 31st, 1981

Potter's Residence / Dark Manor / Abandoned barn

"Happy birthday! Happy, happy biiirthdaaaaayyy!"

"Sirius! I'm going to throw a silencing charm on you if you don't shut it right now!"

"Ah, Lily, relax a bit. At least he's in the right spirit."

"He's drunk, James. The only spirit he's in is an intoxicated one. Remus, can you help me put these decorations up there? Yes, right there. Oh, that looks wonderful!"

"Happy, happy, happy birthday to a happy, happy Harry!"

"_Sirius_!"

XXXXXX

She stared numbly around her room. It was laughable, really. She had given up her family, her friends and would have been ready to give up her life for the cause, and what did she get in return? Free room and board.

She glared around the small, gloomy room. She had wanted to bring about the new world order, certainly. She still believed in it with all of her heart. The world needed to be reorganized in order to be more efficient and cohesive.

But she had always imagined she would be amongst those sharing the control of that new world.

She smiled grimly. Now she knew that would never happen. Lord Voldemort didn't share. Ever. And he didn't care what she thought of that. She just had to 'accept that he was their master and devote her life to him as well as the cause' as Mulciber had drilled into her head over and over again.

She didn't want any of that. She had been promised power and wealth beyond her imagination and all she got was a grimy room and a filthy bed which looked like somebody else had already slept in for years.

She knew she couldn't get out now. When she had still thought that this was what she was destined to do with the rest of her life, that thought had filled her with excitement. Spending the rest of her life hidden in darkness, working towards a new world order. But she had intended that new world order to benefit her, not some stranger who declared himself to be her master.

She took a deep breath and glared at her quarters with disdain. Well, she wasn't going to toil away for an arrogant stranger anymore. She was done.

XXXXXX

The old barn door creaked as they pushed it open. She peered inside. When she saw no one, she motioned for the others to follow her inside. Markus was the last one and he firmly shut the door. They all shook the rain out of their faces and pushed off their heavy hoods.

The old barn was leaking dreadfully and the floor was covered in puddles and a piece of the dark, stormy sky could be seen through a hole in the roof.

A young brunette cast anxious looks around herself and clutched her left forearm. "Neela are you sure they won't find us here? He can sense us through the mark, you know that!" she whispered, sounding frightened.

The others exchanged fearful glances but Neela held up a hand. "They'll find us, but not for a while. We'll be long dead before they find us."

Markus licked his lips nervously. "You're sure it's fatal?"

"I'm sure. I asked Master Snape himself. They won't be able to revive us."

They all stared at each other. It was the only way out. They all knew that.

XXXXXX

"Come on in, Alice! Goodness, you didn't have to wrap it!"

"Shush, Lily! Of course I had to wrap it! Besides, Neville is still playing with his own wrapping paper, it's only fair to give Harry the same chance."

A laugh. "Come in and make yourself at home. Don't mind the drunken snot snoring on the couch. Pretend he's part of the furniture. Remus, could you take Alice's gift, pleaes? Thank you. James! Can't you move Sirius somewhere else? What do you mean, why? He's not adding much to the décor, that's why!"

XXXXXX

Shaking slightly, she stared at the light reflecting off the knife. This was the right thing to do. She had always lived life by her own terms, and she would now finish it on her own terms. Holding it above her left arm, she grit her teeth, shut her eyes and brought it down in a vicious stroke.

She nearly screamed as pain raced up her arm and she heard a sickening thud as flesh hit the floor.

Satisfied, she smiled grimly and pulled out her wand with her other hand. It trembled wildly but she let it drop from her numb fingers and then stepped on it, feeling the wood splinter and crack under her boot. Her smile widened and she slowly moved the knife up to her throat.

XXXXXX

As they got closer to the old barn, the faint vibrations of their dark detectors got slightly stronger. Amelia Bones squinted through the darkness and the rain and motioned for the rest of her team to spread out and secure the perimeter before they would attack the barn directly.

After she got whispered confirmations that the perimeter had been checked and that there were no wards or security measures in place, she frowned but decided to take advantage of the Death Eaters obvious stupidity or arrogance.

"On my mark…three…two…one!"

They smashed the door open and ran in, wands drawn and pointed at what they assumed would be a group of very surprised Death Eaters.

Instead, they saw a group of teenagers, dressed in Death Eater robes, all lying in a group, tightly holding onto each other.

All of their eyes were wide open, staring at the ceiling and their lips looked burnt.

Amelia gasped for breath and wiped the rain off her face. She quickly ran her wand over the three youngsters, but already knew what the results would be.

They were all dead.

XXXXXX

"Alastor! Those jokes are hardly appropriate for a one year old!"

"It's not as if he can understand me, Potter!"

Laughter and a cheer from Frank. "Oh, you! Frank, did you see where I put the cake? Why is it missing a piece? Peter! Don't look so innocent! I see the icing on your face from here!"

XXXXXX

"Sir, I'm sorry to bother you, but you really have to come and see!"

"I thought you said it concerned an initiation assistant."

"Yes, sir."

"Then go get Mulciber."

"I tried, sir. He's not here and won't be back for two days. Please, sir! She's been there for hours already."

Grumbling under his breath, he followed the hysterical initiations assistant down the corridor.

XXXXXX

Albus stood up when he heard a commotion from the hallway outside the coroners office. "Where is she? Where is my daughter?" The woman sound hysterical.

"Madam, please, you can't just burst in there, you need—"

The door at the end of the hallway burst open and Mrs. Green raced in, her hair flying wildly around her face and her cloak half off. She saw Albus right away and her pale face split into a wide grin.

"Headmaster Dumbledore! You've found her, haven't you? You've found my Neela!" She started crying from happiness, clutching his hands, her eyes shining as she stared at him, waiting to hear him confirm her dream.

Albus swallowed the lump in his throat with difficulty. He wasn't going to cry. He would not allow himself to cry. "Mrs. Green, sit down, please."

"Why? Where is Neela? Why isn't she waiting with you? Was one of her friends killed? Where is she?" Her voice got progressively louder as fear fuelled her words until she was screaming.

"Mrs. Green, please, sit down."

"Where is my baby?" She screamed.

"Mrs. Green, I'm so sorry, but Neela is dead. It was already too late by the time we found them. She and four of her friends had committed suicide. There was nothing we could do. I'm so terribly sorry."

She stared at him, her face frozen for a moment until she collapsed onto the floor, Albus barely grabbing her in time. He helped her into a chair and she stared at the far wall.

"No. No, that can't be right. No, no, no," she whispered.

"Yes, Mrs. Green. I'm so terribly sorry."

She didn't appear to have heard him as sobs welled up within her throat and she pressed her hands to her mouth.

XXXXXX

"Oh, James, look! It's a miniature snitch! Look, Harry! Yes, that's right, it flies all around. Can you catch it? Huh? There you go!"

More laughter.

"Oh, Harry, baby, you can't chew the wings off it! James, can you put it away somewhere for now? I'll let him eat it later but I don't want to offend Frank right now."

XXXXXX

He stepped through the door and immediately smelt the blood. Just as he took a step forward, he had to grab the doorframe to keep from slipping in it. He stared.

Blood pooled on the ground an inch thick.

She lay on her bed, the white sheets drenched with dark blood, some of it dripping from the corner onto the ground.

He carefully stepped closer. Her eyes were closed and she looked peaceful as she lay there, a vicious cut across her throat.

On the floor was a dismembered bloody forearm, two pieces of a broken wand and the knife.

The skull gleaming on the pale forearm seemed to laugh up at him from the floor, blood covering it. The mark had claimed another life, for reasons which Severus didn't particularily care about but could guess at and he grit his teeth, feeling his own mark tingling pleasantly as if it too was laughing. The mark didn't only kill those who opposed it, but those who wore it as well.

"What was her name?"

"Uhm, Capella Rigel, sir."

"You're sure?"

"Yes, sir."

"Get her out of here and clean up this room. It has to be reassigned. Go get some of your collegues to help you."

"Where should we put her, sir?"

Rage seized him. "Where do we normally put dead people?"

"Well, we burn them, generally, sir."

"She was one of us!" He turned around and grabbed the assistant by the scruff of the neck. "Try to do one decent thing in your life and see that she is buried like it! Bring her body back to her parents."

"Yes, sir, but I don't think they'll want it."

"Then bury her properly somewhere in the forest surrounding the manor. I'm warning you, it better be done before I go to sleep tonight."

"Yes, sir."

He strode out of the room, not looking back.

XXXXXX

He stayed beside her as the sheet covering her daughter's pale face was pulled back. She stared down at her daughter's still face, tears streaming down her face.

"How could this have happened? How? She was fine a few months ago. And then she suddenly runs away from school and now she's dead?"

Albus held onto her arms to keep her from collapsing. He knew well the pain she felt. Neela Green had been a sixth year Slytherin. A bright, ambitious girl who was always the leader of her little group of friends. Things had been going fine until she had started befriending an older Slytherin boy who had graduated a few years before. Albus had known that he was a Recruitment Assistant, but every restriction he placed on Neela was met with defiance and anger. He knew what would happen if he let her go, but he couldn't force her to stay against her will.

And now she was dead.

It was always the same struggle, the same nightmare over and over again. Their faces changed, but nothing else did. He remembered how a few years ago, if he had been just a few moments later, he would have stood over Severus' body the same way Mrs. Green was standing over Neela's.

Albus held the sobbing woman in his arms, not knowing how he would explain to her what had happened to her daughter, but knowing that she would want an explanation for the ugly black skull on her pale arm.

"_How could this have happened?"_

Albus wished he knew and knew who exactly to blame.

XXXXXX

"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, dear Harry! Happy birthday to you!"

"Can you blow out the candle, Harry? Yes, that one right there! Here, let daddy help you."

The flame wavered and flickered out and the room erupted in cheers.

"Well done, Harry! Well done!"


	39. Chapter 39

Path of Shaded Light

Chapter 39

'A decision without the pressure of consequences is hardly a decision at all.'

- Eric Langmuir

August 12th, 1981

The Dark Manor

He heard his master rustling around in his bedroom as he lay on the floor, waiting for instructions.

He was unsurprised when his master continued rummaging around and ignored his presence, but it was unlike him to be rifling through his bookcases in such a way. Usually he just sent Severus to fetch whatever he needed.

Growing curious, Severus slowly tilted his head and stared through the open door out of the corner of his eye. His master was holding a blue book up to his face and was scribbling in it with a quill. By the speed of his writing, it was obvious that he was frantically trying to get something down before he forgot it.

Severus squinted at the title and frowned when he could make it out. _Astrological Omens Foretold by Seers in the Middle Ages_. Why on earth was master scribbling in this book? He had read it to him a few months ago. It wasn't a difficult text and was mainly qualitative and held no complicated magical formulae which master would want to do work with. So what on earth was he writing in it?

Finally, Lord Voldemort smiled in satisfaction and moved his hand over the book. The magic which shimmered from his fingertips indicated that he was clearly putting some sort of concealment charm over his words, probably turning them back into the text Severus had read. Severus' curiousity peaked even more but he was quick to turn his head back to face the floor before his master could catch him peeking.

Lord Voldemort carefully put the book back on the shelf and then strode out of the room, shutting the bedroom door and going to his chair.

"Severus, go feed Nagini."

"Yes, my Lord." Pushing himself off the ground, he moved over to the cage in the corner in which a fresh stunned muggle was put the mornings on which Nagini told Lord Voldemort she was feeling hungry.

Opening the cage, Severus levitated the muggle out and brought him to where Nagini lay on the floor, blinking at him.

He dropped the muggle before her and turned away, ignoring her haughty glances. He had seen a lot in his lifetime but the image of an enormous snake swallowing a human being whole was still something which could turn his stomach.

He went back to his master's chair and lay down. Lord Voldemort seemed preoccupied, rereading a report Lucius had given him concerning recent recruits. He was frowning and looked displeased.

"Lucius is turning lazy, Severus. Very lazy. It seems he's gotten too comfortable in the past few years. Too much food and too much sleep will ruin a man, Severus. Isn't that what I always say?"

"Yes, my lord."

"Give me your arm."

Severus obediently held up his left forearm and Lord Voldemort took it and whispered Lucius' name.

"Go wait in my bedroom for me, serpent. I want to have a private discussion with Lucius. He must be feeling neglected. It would explain his sudden need for my attentions in this way. Really, it pains me."

Severus ignored the rambling and went into the bedroom and lay down on the floor, ready to waste away a good few hours. He rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling, but immediately, visions of bloodied, pale children floating above him ran through his mind and he turned back over quickly. He thought about talking to Bella, but knew she was in the middle of an assignment and would need to concentrate.

His gaze wandered to the bookcases and immediately to the small blue book master had been scribbling in. He bit his lip.

Should he dare?

Almost immediately, he jerked his gaze back to the floor, fear racing down his spine. He couldn't. He mustn't. If he were caught, master would be incredibly angry. Not just for Severus' rudeness but for putting his nose where it clearly didn't belong.

But on the other hand, he really wanted to know what his master was trying to hide in an unimportant seeming book.

"_Severus, don't even think about it. It's just a book! Is it really worth getting caught with? You know how he gets when you touch something in his chambers that he didn't give you permission to touch_!"

"_Bird, don't you think I know that? But just think of what could possibly be in that book. You saw what pains he took to hide it!_!"

Fawkes was about to protest some more but then shut up, knowing Severus wouldn't listen.

He stared up at the book again and glanced at the door.

"_Fawkes_?"

"_What_?"

"_Could you quickly conjure up another book to resemble the blue one_?"

"_Severus_—"

"_Could you_?"

"_Yes, but_.."

"_Good. Do it now_!"

"_Severus_—"

His mind was made up. "_Now, bird_!"

Immediately, a small blue book appeared in thin air before him and he grabbed it. Gritting his teeth and trying to still the thudding of his heart in his chest, he leapt up and hurried to the shelf. Ripping the book out, he stuffed the other one in, making sure it looked normal.

"_Fawkes_—"

"_Yes, yes, just hold it out. Quickly_!"

The book in his hands turned into an empty potion vial which he stuck into his pocket along with the others he habitually carried with him.

"What are you doing, my serpent?"

The voice nearly gave him a heart attack and he spun around, immediately dropping to the floor.

Lord Voldemort stood in the doorway, frowning down at him.

"Forgive me, my Lord! Please! I meant no offense!"

"What were you doing?"

Severus swallowed his fear but quietly allowed his trembling to continue. "I was searching for one of master's favourite books so I could surprise my master with it when he returned from dealing with unpleasant business."

His master frowned, but it had softened somewhat. "I don't like surprises, Severus and I didn't give you permission to rummage through my books."

"Yes, my lord. I await my punishment for my rudeness."

Lord Voldemort smiled down at him smugly but then turned around. "Your reading is always impaired after a punishment, Severus. It seems you know well what I tolerate and what I don't. Never let me catch you doing anything in my chambers without my explicit permission again. Understand?"

Severus nearly sobbed with relief. He wouldn't be punished and master hadn't caught him. "Yes, master. Thank you, you are most kind. I don't deserve such kindness."

He was already striding from the room back to his chair."Indeed. Be sure to remember that. Bring me Jane Austen's _Pride and Prejudice_."

"Yes, my Lord."

August 13th, 1981

Hogwarts School

"Severus, I still can't believe—"

"Please, headmaster. I know it was an enormous risk and it might all have been for nothing, but I have come to accept that taking risks is a necessary part of this job."

Albus gave him another long, worried look but Severus stared back calmly, knowing that the headmaster knew he would do it again if the occasion required it.

Finally, the old man sighed and folded slightly trembling hands on top of his desk.

"You will give me a heart attack one day, dear."

Severus smiled wryly. "As I said, it's part of the job."

Fawkes twittered on his perch and rolled his eyes but didn't dispute it. He had heavily protested the risk prior to taking it, but once it came to defending their actions before the headmaster, Fawkes had sided with Severus, saying that the evidence of some wrong doing on Lord Voldemort's part had been quite strong and that the book might prove essential to the war effort. Nobody had been more surprised than Severus when Fawkes had stuck up for him. Fawkes had been highly offended when Severus had expressed his surprise.

"_I might despise this whole spying business, Severus, but we're still partners, aren't we_? _We can argue with each other, but when it comes to others, we've got to stick together. I'm sure it's in the manual of 'Introductory Techniques for Spying on Dark Lords'_." Fawkes seemed so annoyed at having to explain himself that Severus nearly burst out laughing, but then left it alone.

Instead, they all turned their attention to the small book on the headmaster's desk.

Severus had to fold his hands in his lap to keep from leaping up and grabbing it.

"Did we discover what was hidden in the book, sir?"

The headmaster gently opened the book and slowly turned the pages. "The transfiguration of the book into a vial and the retransfiguration—although they were both very well done, I know Fawkes—they still caused some damage to the writing inside of it. There are some passages which have been fused together from several pages, creating random scribblings and in some cases illegible blobs of ink. Some pages are also missing and some others retained the properties of the vial and we won't be able to easily recover their text."

Panic seized Severus. It was one problem that they couldn't read what was in it, but it was quite another that he would have to return it to master, who would immediately notice the damage done to it.

Albus glanced up and saw how pale Severus had gotten. "I know what you're worried about, Severus, and I have given both of our problems a great deal of thought since yesterday. I believe that with time I will be able to recover a great deal of this text, but in order to do this, I will have to keep it. It might take me years to not only recover the text, but understand it as well. I doubt Tom wrote things out in clean coherent English if they were his own notes."

Severus grit his teeth and exchanged a worried look with Fawkes, who looked on the verge of a panic attack.

"Headmaster, he will notice the book is missing any moment. At best, we have a few days."

"I know, Severus. Which is why we must find a way to make him believe that the book is gone forever."

"If he suspects a traitor in his ranks, he will tear us all apart looking for him. I don't think I stand a chance of hiding the theft if he is angry enough and focused enough to only concentrate on finding the thief."

"Which is why I am not suggesting letting him think that it was taken by theft."

Severus frowned and slowly leaned back in his chair, his mind already racing. A million possibilities erupted in his mind, but he forced himself to slow down. He had to focus and think carefully. He knew what the headmaster as after. They had to find a way to make the Dark Lord believe he had lost that book but not be able to clearly point a finger at anybody. Of course, a finger would be pointed, that was simply the way the Dark Lord functioned, but as long as that finger was being pointed for the wrong reason and at the wrong people, it could be done.

Severus glanced up. "This will require quite a bit of thought and planning, sir."

The headmaster smiled, his eyes twinkling, as always very impressed that Severus had caught on so quickly. The child had been born a Slytherin.

"That's the spirit, my boy. So, you worry about Tom and I'll worry about this little gem of ours. If you need any help, just give me the word and I will do all I can."

Severus nodded. "Thank you, sir."

Albus looked serious as he leaned over his desk. "Severus, I mean that. I will always be ready to give you aid if you should need it."

"I know that, sir. And believe me, that fact keeps us all in one piece. But you have too much to do as it is, sir. Besides," he smirked at Fawkes, who rolled his eyes. "Gorgon, Fawkes and I are getting to be rather old hands at this."

August 14th, 1981

The Dark Manor

"You're sure you're ready, Gorgon?"

His elf nodded, looking as serious as he should. "Yes, young master. We not fail."

"But in case we do, you remember Plans—"

"B and C, yes, yes. Gorgy remembers."

Severus frowned. "You're sure we shouldn't go over it again?"

Gorgon shook his head. "It alright, young master. Gorgy ready, we ready. Now let's do before this old elf loses nerves."

Severus smiled grimly. "Elf, you're got more nerve than half the Death Eaters in this manor."

Gorgon chuckled and looked in the mirror one more time, grinning at Gabby's face as it stared back at him.

"How does Gorgy look?"

"Wonderful. Are you sure you're ready?"

"Young master, we go over it a million times. Even Master Salazar says we ready."

Severus sighed, hating to leave his elf alone in this operation. But they all had their parts to play.

Nodding firmly, Severus adjusted his mask and cloak and then glanced at the clock. Five minutes until training started.

"Alright, elf. Let's do this."

Giving his elf one last worried look, Severus walked out of his room and down the corridor, joining the crowd of people walking towards the dueling chamber.

He tried to force himself to mentally prepare for the training. He was going into the cube first thing and then he was paired with Rabastan and going up against Yaxley, the Defensive Spells and Curses master and Travers.

Taking deep breaths, he forced himself not to think about what his elf was preparing to do and the part he would have to play in just a few hours.

XXXXXX

Gorgon hummed softly to himself as he dragged the cleaning bucket, cleaning sack and mop up the flights of stairs towards Lord Voldemort's chambers. Reaching the door, he waited until it swung open, the wards having determined that he was an elf and allowed admittance. He shuffled in, pulling the heavy bucket and mop after him and pausing every few steps to gasp for air and wipe the sweat off his forehead.

He glanced around the room casually, but knew it would be empty. Both Nagini and Lord Voldemort were down at training and would be gone for a few good hours. If they were to come back prematurely, Fawkes would sent him one of his feathers as a warning.

Gorgon casually glanced up at the hovering sphere which floated around the sitting room and bedroom whenever Lord Voldemort was not there, recording everything that happened.

Slowly, he got to work. If he did this too quickly, it might seem suspicious, but so would being too slow. It was really too bad that Gorgon had never been a kitchen elf and hadn't had much practice cleaning floors.

Magically filling the bucket with soapy water, he pushed the mop in and squished it around before hauling it out and slapping it into the black marble floor. He started scrubbing, removing sweat stains and blood droplets from the obsidian floor.

He moved around the room, picking lint off the chair and wiping the dust off the mantle as he passed by, careful not to miss any corners. After exactly fifteen minutes, he had cleaned his way to the bedroom.

Taking a slow, deep breath, he summoned the bucket to himself and rinsed the mop out and then kept on scrubbing. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the sphere following him into the bedroom. Good, let it come.

He moved around the room, carefully mopping the floor and shaking out the covers on the bed. When he was done, he went up to the mantle and pulled down the old oil lamp which stood on it. Frowning at it, he pulled it down and unscrewed the glass and peered inside. Pretending that the oil level in the lamp was unsatisfactory, he shook his head and carefully brought it back towards his bucket. He leaned over and took out the little bottle of oil which was in the sack he had brought with him. He tried to unscrew it but pretended that it was exceptionally difficult. Grimacing, he tried again, but then turned around to put the oil lamp down on the nearest object, a bookshelf filled with books. Turning away from it, he focused on the little bottle again and started straining and gritting his teeth as he tried to wrench it open. He put so much force into it that he bumped up against the bookshelf. He continued struggling, pretending not to have noticed that the oil lamp had been knocked over and oil was dripping down the books and onto the floor.

When he finally got the bottle open, he turned back around and let out a cry of dismay as he saw the oil covering the books and the floor.

Grabbing his head with his oil covered hands, he started feverishly swearing in elfish and then started grabbing at random books, trying to rub off the oil, but only succeeding in getting more on them.

Running for a rag from his sack, he went back to the books and squinted at them. Not able to see much in the dark, he went for another oil lamp and put it onto the floor beside him. Then he went back to scrubbing the books, muttering to himself and pretending to be hysterical with fear.

He moved over a bit more and then reached for another book, and his foot kicked over the lamp on the floor. It shattered on the marble floor and he leapt back with a surprised cry.

He let out a scream as the fire immediately caught onto the oil on the floor and raced across it and up the bookcase. The bright flames engulfed the books, the sound of burning pages crinkling.

Gorgon started dancing around, screaming hysterically and tearing at his ear and face, watching with inward glee as the books were consumed by flames and mentally apologizing to the poor books authors.

He blew on the books a bit and then leapt back when the flames got bigger. Screaming, he turned around and madly ran out of the room, screaming "Fire! Fire!" at nobody in particular as he raced down the corridor, hysterical.

XXXXXX

Wiping sweat and soot off his face, Severus finally stepped back from the book case. Macnair stood beside him, also breathing heavily and grimacing on the sodden, burnt mess around them.

By the time Gorgon's frantic calls for help had reached the dueling chambers, the fire had already raced to the bed and by the time Severus and Macnair had thrown themselves inside, the inferno had engulfed the entire room.

It had taken them and a handful of assistants twenty minutes and countless water charms to put it out.

They stared at the wreckage. Every piece of furniture in the room was either a burnt, crumpled mess or a pile of ash. Severus bit back a smile as he looked at the bookcase, which had taken the brunt of the damage. Nearly every book had been burnt to ash and the ones which had managed to escape the flames were lying on the floor, their pages crinkled, torn and soaked.

Turning away from the mess, they all went back out into the sitting room, where the other masters had assembled.

"The fire is out, my Lord," Macnair mumbled, his face against the floor.

Lord Voldemort immediately pushed himself up and went into his bedroom. He froze on the doorstep, staring at the damage without speaking. He stood for a good few minutes, simply surveying what was left of his bedroom, before he must have started thinking of his precious books.

He hurried to the bookcase and ran gentle fingers along the remaining sooty, wet books.

Severus carefully kept his face to the floor as he watched his master running his fingers along the spines of the books, obviously searching for one. He even turned to the floor and kicked various piece of debris out of the way, bending over to squint at the charred remains.

As Lord Voldemort straightened, his pale face was impassive but his red eyes had darkened in anger. Severus was the only one in the room who knew that this anger was more due to the fact that he thought he had lost his precious book than having his bedroom go up in flames.

"How did this happen?" he hissed, sitting in his chair and clutching the armrests so hard that Severus feared for his hands breaking.

Nobody answered him and he briefly closed his eyes before snapping his fingers. The sphere immediately floated down to him and he grabbed it and muttered an incantation at it and watched as threads of silver streamed out it and slowly drifted around the room. The threads started weaving together in chronological order and getting larger until finally colors and shapes started appearing in the strands.

Finally, scenes of what had occurred in this very room over the past few hours started becoming clearer. Severus recognized Gabby's short, perky form immediately as she dragged her cleaning supplies into the room and started mopping.

They all watched her in silence as she cleaned, grumbled to herself and sighed occasionally. Finally, they watched what Severus and Gorgon had practiced all night long. She took the oil lamp off the mantle, brought it over to her supplies to refill, placed it on the bookcase when she couldn't open the bottle and then tipped it over by accident, drenching everything in oil. They watched her see what she had done and then try to clean the books with a rag, bringing another lamp closer to use as a light source. Severus grimaced a bit when he saw her leg move out to kick the lamp over. It looked a bit like an act, but to anyone who didn't know it had been set up, it wouldn't be so obvious. He hoped.

They were all silent.

"Find me that elf," Lord Voldemort hissed, his voice trembling from rage.

XXXXXX

"Gorgon, quickly make sure all the elves have good alibis for where they were and then go to Hogwarts."

"But young master!"

"No, Gorgon! I don't want you here when he starts tearing elves apart looking for one who isn't here. For your own safety, go to Hogwarts until he calms down."

XXXXXX

"What do you mean you can't find her?"

Severus kept his face to the floor and smirked at the frustration in Lucius' voice. "We have examined every elf in the manor, my Lord, and none fit her description. She must have fled when she saw the damage she had done."

"That isn't good enough!" He snarled, slamming a fist onto his armrests.

Lucius, Severus and Bella quietly waited as their master started thinking.

Finally, he sighed. "I see no other option. We will exterminate all of them."

Fear raced down Severus' spine. No. Anything but that. He couldn't let dozens of innocent elves be killed for something he did.

He grit his teeth. He knew that speaking up would potentially be painful but he had to try.

"My lord, if we exterminate all of them, who will do the cleaning?"

The Dark Lord waved a hand at him. "Use your head, Severus! We'll get more elves. They're everywhere."

He had to think. Quickly. He had to find a way to distract master and make him forget about this slaughter.

"Lucius, go and spread the word. Start rounding them up and locking them up. We will start exterminations in a few days."

"A few days, my lord?" Lucius sounded confused.

Their master sighed with irritation. "Somebody needs to clean up my bedroom, don't they? Unless you would like to volunteer, Lucius."

"Uh, my Lord..."

"I didn't think so. Now, get out of my sight and round up the vermin."


	40. Chapter 40

Path of Shaded Light

Chapter 40

'It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.'

- 'Harry Potter' by J.K. Rowling

August 15th, 1981

Hogwarts School

He slammed a fist onto the desk and nearly upset the cup of tea sitting on it.

"We can't just let him do this, headmaster!"

"I know, Severus. Please calm down. We will think of something. Even if at the end, we need to blow your cover and apparate them all out to safety, we'll do it."

Severus collapsed in his chair and buried his face in his hands. "This is all our fault, headmaster. All for that stupid book!"

"Severus, what's done is done—"

"I should have known how he would react! I've seen it a dozen times!"

"Please lower your voice, dear. As I said, what's done is done, and besides, I've started skimming through that little book of ours and it seems that it is an essential piece of intelligence."

"One that will cost dozens of elves their lives. Innocent elves."

"We will think of something—"

There was a slight commotion at the door. Severus leapt up, ready to race into the headmaster's bedroom and hide, but Albus held up a hand.

"It's alright, Severus."

The door opened and Gorgon and Gabrielle nearly fell inside, both looking angry and breathless.

"Gabby, Gorgy, how may we help you?"

"She crazy, headmaster! Crazy!"

"Gabby no crazy! Gabby wanting to do right thing!"

"She crazy!"

"Gorgon, be quiet! Gabrielle, shut your mouth for a moment. What the hell is going on?" Severus demanded, not used to seeing either of them so upset.

Gorgon took a deep breath and then glared at Gabby to keep her mouth shut before he started speaking.

"Gabby wanting to go and give herself up for what she not do!"

"It right thing! They thinking it Gabby, so Gabby go!"

"_Sevvie? Sevvie where are you_?"

"_Bella? I'm a bit busy right about now_."

"_But they found her! It's so exciting_!"

"—it not Gabby's place to get into this messiness!"

"It Gabby's right!"

"_What? They found who_?"

"_The elf, Sevvie! The elf who set master's room on fire! They have her_!"

Severus froze and stared at Gabby and Gorgon as they argued, spitting and yelling at each other. If both of them were here, then who was the elf the Death Eaters had caught? There wasn't any elf around the manor who looked like Gabby except—

He lurched up and stared at Gorgon. "What the hell did you two do?" He demanded.

They abruptly stopped arguing and looked at him. Gabby started frowning in confusion but Severus snarled at her. "Don't you give me that phoney frown, elf! What did you do?"

Gorgon sighed softly. "It no use, Gabby. Miss Bella probably already telling young master."

Gabby nodded and calmly sat down in the chair behind her. Severus wanted to throttle her.

"Would you tell me what the hell is going on!"

Gorgon sighed. "It simple, young master. We knowing that many elves suffer for nothing unless one elf step forward to take blame. Gorgy wanted to do it, but all other elves say Gorgy have job to do still, so we pick cutlery."

"You what?"

"We pick cutlery out of bowl. Whoever got dirtiest spoon, would go."

Severus stared at the two quiet elves for another moment before tearing out of the room and running down the stairs and not stopping until he had reached the Dark Lord's chambers.

XXXXXX

They had already begun by the time he burst into the room. He had heard her screams from down the corridor.

Stepping inside, he lay down and tried to shut the screams and sobbing out of his mind. Stupid elf. Stupid, stupid elf! Why couldn't Gorgon have waited? They would have found a way! Damn it, they would have found a way!

"Please! Kibby sorry! So sorry! No more, please! Kibby is sorry!"

"Crucio!"

The tiny elf writhed on the ground, blood streaming from her eyes and nose already and streaking across the floor and her tea towel. She kept screaming and apologizing, not that it would do any good. She looked like Gabby still due to the Polyjuice potion which Gorgon must have given her, but that would wear off soon, not that it would make any difference. None of the Death Eaters would notice the elf looking slightly different.

Severus could only stare at her. He felt like throwing up. Never before had an innocent been punished for something he had done. He had always managed to cover it up or divert the blame onto another Death Eater, and they all deserved whatever they got.

It seemed like hours later that her voice died down and her movements started to still. Finally, Lord Voldemort looked up from where he had been sitting and sipping his wine, letting his minions play with her.

"Finish her, Avery. I grow tired of this. She has learned her lesson."

"Yes, my lord. Avada Kedavra."

Green light flooded the room and lifted the small elf from the floor and then dropped her, her dull blood streaked eyes staring at the ceiling.

"Get her out of here and hang her body in the kitchens. Let her be a lesson to the others."

"Yes, my Lord."

XXXXXX

Severus sat numbly on his bed, staring at nothing in particular. Nadia Geller walked past him, smiled vaguely and then sat down beside him, pulling up her knees.

"I didn't want her to die, Nadia. I didn't. We would have found another way," he whispered. She smiled and stared at him.

"It was Kibby's choice."

For a wild moment, he thought Nadia had spoken but then he recognized his elf's voice. He glared at him. "How could you let her go through with that? She had nothing to do with any of it!"

"Oh, she did, young master! Dark master wanting to hurt our people and she wanting to stop it. I give all them the choice. I not force any to do it. She got task and she carried out."

"Elf, her body is hanging in the kitchens! She's suspended by a meat hook rammed through her jaw!"

"And she die knowing that she save dozens of other lives! This what war means, young master! We make sacrifices for greater good! Young master knows this! It what we do everyday!"

"That doesn't make it any bloody easier!"

"It not supposed to. It just way wars must be fought!"

His elf crossed the room and sat down beside him and patted him on the knee. "In few days, elves take her body down and give proper burial. She a hero now, young master. She was just kitchen elf in Hogwarts, but now, she die war hero."

Somehow that didn't make it any better.

XXXXXX

"She was not born an extraordinary person and she never desired to be anything but what life had made her to be, but she died a hero, an ordinary person doing remarkable things. Her sacrifice will be remembered by all who knew her and her memory will be honored from this day forward. This war may last ten more years or end tomorrow, but no matter, we shall always remember who Kibby was and what she did for us."

Severus listened to the quiet elfish words as the headmaster spoke about Kibby. The other Hogwarts elves and Gorgon were gathered around the small grave, mourning the loss of a small elf who had given so much simply because it had been asked of her.

It was late at night, but it was the only time Severus could get away and the elves weren't busy. There had already been another funeral at the dark manor where the elves had buried Kibby in the forest behind the manor, but the headmaster had felt they should have one at Hogwarts as well and give her a place in the cemetary.

They had all gathered at dusk and quietly sang one of the old elven hymns for the dead and then formed a circle around her tombstone. They had cast a spell on it making the surface temporarily shimmer and everyone had stepped up to it in turn and placed a hand on it and left their handprint in the stone, signifying that they would go with Kibby in spirit wherever she was now.

After the headmaster spoke about Kibby, Kibby's best friend and her aunt spoke of her as well, the elven words nearly lost amid tears, but they got through it.

Then they all sat in a circle around the grave and joined hands and started humming another hymn. Severus held Gorgon's hand on one side and Gabby's on the other, staring at Kibby's small tombstone.

They would sit here together in a circle, singing hymns and remembering Kibby until dawn, for tomorrow they had all work to attend to and lives to go back to. But for tonight, there was no cleaning, cooking or fighting to be done, there was only remembering the loss of a young, ordinary kitchen elf who had become one of the most extraordinary and least known war heroines of their age.

Sept. 19th, 1981

The Dark Manor

The warm blood streamed from the crystal pitcher into the bathtub.

"That's enough, Severus."

Severus put the pitcher down and sat back on his heels. He had to wait about two minutes before checking the temperature again and making sure it was still good enough.

Lord Voldemort sighed as he leaned back, lifting his arms out of the tub and gently resting them on the side. The blood tinged his pale skin a faint pink. According to him, it was good for his skin to bath in this manner, although Severus just thought it was unsanitary. He always made sure to filter the blood and make sure it was clean before allowing his master to bathe in it.

The Dark Lord rested his head on the back of the tub and stared up at the ceiling, where the chart of names and crosses was.

It was down to just three names now. The Longbottoms, the Saskins and the Potters. All of them had two crosses beside their names. Severus tried not to look at it.

"Severus, I am growing weary of this wait. I want this finished soon."

"We have been keeping careful track, my Lord. All three families have been very quiet over recent months."

"Yes I know. Well, if they won't come to us, we will simply go to them."

Silence. Then: "Check the temperature again, my serpent. The blood is getting a bit chilly."

"Yes, my Lord."

XXXXXX

"Frank, it doesn't matter how I know—"

"It's our little bird, isn't it?"

"Actually, it's more like a snake, but anyway, are you clear on what to do?"

"We've only been over it a million times, Potter."

"I know, I know but—"

"I've got it, Lily. Don't worry about it. Alice and I will be fine."

XXXXXX

"Lily, I hate it when you don't tell me things."

"Please, James, there's a million things I don't tell you."

"I know and I understand that, but when it concerns us then I'm putting my foot down. Why the hell can't Sirius come over that night?"

"James—"

"No, damn it! This is our lives you're messing around with and I deserve to know why."

"Alright, fine, but you can't tell the mutt or anybody else, alright?"

"Fine. I won't, but won't this be brought up at the next order meeting?"

"Promise?"

"Merlin's sake! Yes, I promise. What about the next meeting?"

"There's no time. The people who need to know have already been informed. Alright, listen carefully. You remember about the prophecy?"

"How the hell could I forget?"

XXXXXX

"I don't understand."

"It's really quite simple, Mrs. Saskin. Your house in infested with nettle bugs."

"But I haven't noticed any."

"Really? That's strange. I mean, there! There's one right now!"

"Where?"

"Right under your foot, Mrs. Saskin."

"Merlin! Kill it! Kill it!"

"I've got it, Mrs. Saskin. There you go."

"Thank you."

"All part of the service we at Pesky Pests provide. Now, I'm afraid we're going to have to ask you and family to vacate the premises for a few days."

"Alright, will it take long?"

"Just two days or so."

"Oh, okay. When are you proposing to start?"

"Tonight."

"Tonight! Isn't this a bit sudden?"

"It is, Mrs. Saskin, but so is an infestation of nettle bugs. My apologies, but these things must be dealt with as quickly as possible."

Sept. 20th, 1981

Longbottom Residence / Saskin Residence

Frank threw a glare over his shoulder as he dragged his pillow and blanket down the stairs and towards the livingroom.

Hearing Alice yelling something after him, he paused and yelled something equally rude back and then continued, all the while struggling not to burst out laughing.

He reached the livingroom and lay down, punching his pillow into a good shape and stretching out.

He was careful to face the window as he lay there, pretending to be stewing about the argument him and Alice had just had, but really paying close attention to any disturbances.

Their little dark detector sat silently on the mantle, the faint purple light within glowing softly. Frank glanced at it from time to time, knowing that when the time came, the light would suddenly be snuffed out and the detector would be dead. It was the only warning sign they would have.

Sighing softly, he kept glancing at the dark detector out of the corner of his eye. He heard Alice bustling around upstairs, hiding Neville in a crib hidden behind a portrait and putting a sleeping charm on their son and then putting a transfigured breathing doll into his real crib. Finally she stopped moving around and he knew she was lying down, pretending to sleep but really waiting tensely, one hand clutching her wand under her pillow like he was.

It was going to be a long night.

XXXXXX

Emmaline Vance levitated the cleaning supplies into the house and waited until Alastor had followed her in before shutting the door.

"You're sure they left?"

Moody grunted. "Potter helped them pack and ushered them out herself."

Nodding, Emmaline started walking around the house, assessing what dark detectors the Saskins had and what wards were currently in place.

Moody went upstairs to secure all the rooms and double check that nobody had been left behind.

When they were certain they were as secure as could be, they met up in the livingroom and sat on the couch, their eyes glued to a dark detector sitting before them. As soon as it died out, they would have to be ready.

XXXXXX

Frank forced himself out of his doze with a jerk and immediately glanced at the detector again. The purple light was still glowing. Thank goodness. He shook his head and muttered another anti-sleeping charm on himself. He couldn't fall asleep.

His eyes started drifting around and not for the first time did he start thinking about their mysterious spy. It irked him that Lily and the headmaster were the only two who knew his or her identity, but Frank would have like to meet him. If not only to tell him what a high opinion he had of him and what respect he had for him, then only to thank him. It was thanks to their little snake that they had managed to evade You-Know-Who's forces twice already and that his family was still safe. But who could the snake be? Who would have the courage and the cunning and the brains to pull something like this off and for so long too?

He was so busy thinking that he nearly missed seeing the purple light die out. Immediately, a shower of fear went up his spine and he quietly conjured up a miniature patronus and watched it gallop off upstairs to where Alice lay. He clutched his wand and lay back down, every muscle tense and ready to spring up and fight.

Let the bastards come.

Sept. 21st, 1981

Longbottom Residence

Sirius let out a low whistle when he saw the state of the house. Broken bits of furniture, torn books and shattered dishes, lamps and mirrors lay everywhere. An enormous black scorch mark marked the floor where the couch used to be, now only bits of burned fabric fluttering around. The entire house had been smashed to pieces.

But standing in the midst of the destruction were a grinning Frank and Alice, holding little Neville, who was cooing happily and waving his little fists, having no clue what his parents had managed the night before.

Alice had alerted the waiting order members as soon as she had seen Frank's patronus, but by the time they got there, the battle had already been in full swing. Curses were flying, furniture smashed and people yelled, but at the end, they had sent the Death Eaters running and even managed to capture two of them.

Sirius smirked. There was one more for the good guys.

Sept. 22nd, 1981

Saskin Residence

"Albus, I don't get it. Didn't our spy say all three targets were to be attacked in the last two days?"

"He did, Alastor and he is as confused by it as we are."

"Confused my arse! He's probably lying through his teeth about it all. Probably just wanted to get me and Emma out here for two days to sit on our rumps and do nothing."

"Alastor, be reasonable. The Potters and Longbottoms were both attacked just like our source had said they would be. Besides, you and I both know the Saskins are a target. Possibly there was a problem with organization on their end."

Alastor grumbled and waved a hand, dismissing the arguments. As far as he was concerned, this was their little 'spy's' fault.

"You obviously want us to keep an eye on the house still?"

"As long as you can. I don't know when they'll attack, if at all, but we have to try and be ready."

XXXXXX

"Mrs. Saskin, please—"

"No. I won't hear another word. You and your people have torn my house to pieces for two days now and I'm sick of it. How long does it take to remove a few bugs? Even the muggle way wouldn't take longer!"

"Mrs. Saskin, there were some complications—"

"No, no. Don't give me any of your garbage. You're just fishing for an excuse to charge us more, aren't you? I find this whole thing fishy! I never even noticed one nettle bug around and then along you come and find a dozen in a minute and now you're saying the work will take longer than it should!"

"There were some—"

"No, no, no, no! I know your kind! Now, my husband will pay you for the work you've done, if you can even call it work, and then you'll get off my propery and I never want to see you again."

"Mrs. Saskin, please, you are in real danger—"

"Do you want me to call the MLE? Get off my property!"

XXXXXX

The Saskins went to bed that night still grumbling about snotty, selfish workers and lawsuit possibilities.

Neither of them noticed their dark detectors lying dark and quiet on their nightstand, the purple light within having died out.

Two hours later, Mrs. Saskin heard a faint rustling noise and the quiet turn of a doorknob. Thinking it was just her husband going to the bathroom, she rolled over and closed her eyes again.

She never even saw the wand which was pressed to her throat and barely heard the low voice hissing her death.

"_Avada Kedavra_."


	41. Chapter 41

Path of Shaded Light

Chapter 41

Author's Note: And here we are, racing towards Oct. 31st. So much to do with so many people in so little time (evil laugh). Before I leave you to read, I have just recently discovered how to use the reviewer reply function and will from now on send a little thank you note to all of my reviewers. It's my way of thanking all of you for sticking with me for so long. Have fun reading!

'As years go by I race the clock with you, but if you die right now, you know that I'd die too. You remind me of the times when I knew who I was, but still the second hand will catch us like it always does.'

- 'Until the Day I Die' by Story of the Year

Sept. 24th, 1981

Hogwarts School

As soon as the door was flung open and Lily walked in, Severus nearly fell over with relief. He leapt out of his chair and ignored her surprised look as he pulled her into a tight hug, never wanting to let go.

"Sev! It's alright! I'm fine. So are the Longbottoms. You know that."

Yes, he knew, but that didn't stop him from worrying.

"The Saskins aren't fine, Evans." He murmured into her hair.

She tightened her arms around him and pat him on the back. "I know. And you don't know how much I regret that, but we tried to help them and they wouldn't listen. I mean, what more could we do? If we would have told them that we needed them out of the house because Mister Red Eyes himself was after them, she would have laughed in our faces, wouldn't she?"

He still didn't let go of her. He was more scared now than ever. Now there were only two names left on that chart hanging on master's ceiling, both of them with three giant silver crosses on them.

She was a target now more than ever. His best friend was in danger because of a stupid prophecy that a madman had decided to take seriously and there was nothing he could do about it.

She pulled back and gave him a small smile. "It'll be alright, Sev. We've laughed in the git's face three times already, haven't we? If he wants to come then he can come but we'll be ready just like always and we'll beat him just like always."

It was always like this. Her Gryff confidence in the face of his Slyth paranoia. But this time he had a sinking feeling that maybe he would be proven right.

And he hoped with every fiber of his being that he wouldn't be.

Sept. 26th, 1981

The Dark Manor

"Master Snape?"

He jerked his head up and stared at the potions assistant standing beside his desk. "What?"

"I asked if it would be alright if I used up the last bit of the dungbettles, sir."

Severus waved his hand dismissively. "Put it on Emerson's supply list first and then finish them."

What the hell did he care about dungbettles? His every thought was consumed with fear for Evans.

Master had been oddly excited about the two final families having been exposed. Severus had been terrified that he would immediately order an attack on both of them, but they had all been surprised when their master had told them that this must be dealt with carefully. Severus had a nagging suspicion that the Dark Lord was afraid of what would happen once the two families were destroyed. Or perhaps he wanted to draw out the suspense like a sick, twisted horror muggle movie Evans had told him about. In either case, the Dark Lord had firmly ordered no one to move against either the Longbottoms or the Potters before he had decided in which order and manner they would be eliminated.

It didn't ease Severus' thoughts one bit. He hated leaving master alone for even a moment, afraid he would suddenly come to a decision and he wouldn't have enough time to interfere.  
No, no. That couldn't happen. It wouldn't. He desperately clung to the stubborn little Gryff hope within him that Evans had put there. He knew it was stupid, but a part of him just didn't believe that Evans could die. There was no way.

He realized the assistant had asked him something else and he snapped another "What?" at him.

"I was just wondering where the supply list is, sir?"

"Pinned to your arse, I don't know! Look around or ask Emerson but leave me alone!"

The assistant scurried back to his bench and for the rest of the day, none of his assistants asked him any questions.

Oct. 17th, 1981

Hogwarts School

"Why the hell doesn't he get on with it already?" Evans demanded, slamming a fist onto the desk.

Severus sighed, wondering the same thing. Master spent hours each day staring at the two names, running a gentle finger of them and muttering the names to himself over and over again, but he didn't seem any closer to a decision on how to proceed.

Meanwhile of course, the war had gone on. Minor squirmishes had been fought, potions had been brewed, assistants had been yelled at, the werewolves had been banned from the dungeons for tearing up interogation subjects before Macnair was finished with them, and Severus had gone to Knockturn Alley with Bella to give Flatley a gentle reminder that when they asked and paid for two barrels of cat blood, they meant two barrels and not two cups.

But his worry and fear were his constant companions now. His assistants had been noticing his distracted air for days, but none of them were stupid enough to call him on it, Bella kept offering him sex and drugs in an effort to 'get him cheery' and his elf and Fawkes had been berating him for days for not eating and sleeping.

"Evans, I think it's time to put you all back into hiding."

She froze. "What?"

"You heard me."

She sighed. "Sev, you know that we have a better chance of getting help when everybody knows where we are."

"Yes, and you're also a lot easier for him to find when you're out in the open."

Albus leaned forward and exchanged a long look with Severus. They had been discussing this for days and they both agreed it was the safest solution. Convincing a stubborn Gryffindor of that fact was another matter.

She glared, her green eyes sparking. "Sev, I'm not going to crawl away and let him think I'm a coward."

Severus sighed and cursed Gryff stubborness. "Evans, it's the safest solution."

"He could sit and twiddle his thumbs for months still, couldn't he? And during all that time, people are going to die and things are going to blow up and I won't be able to do anything about it because I'm sitting in Spain, sipping margaritas on a beach."

He fully turned to her and grabbed her hands. "Evans, please. Please, please listen to me. Nobody is going to think you're running away, alright? People are going to realize you have a damn good reason to hide and they'd be right. By staying in the open you're reminding him everyday that he wants to kill you. Please don't make it any easier for him."

"Sev—"

"Evans, please. If you don't want to do this for you or your family, then please do it for me."

"You? Sev, I'll be fine," she laughed lightly but stopped at the pale, scared look on his face.

"No, you won't be fine and if he gets to you, I don't know what I'd do, Evans. Don't you understand that? I need you in my life, damn it."

She smiled faintly. "You do, huh?"

"Yes, I do, and damn it, get that look off your face. I've grown…accustomed to you, Evans, and I need you. You know that. So please, please, do this for me if for nobody else. I don't ask you for much ever, do I?"

"Well, no."

"But I'm asking you now. Please. Please go into hiding until I've managed to find a way to get him to forget this prophecy business once and for all."

She searched his face for a moment, and for the first time, fear seemed to settle into her bones.

"He really wants to kill me, doesn't he?" she whispered softly, sounding a bit stunned at saying it outloud, as if finally realizing that this wasn't just a game.

"Yes, he does."

She sighed and squeezed his hands. She nodded firmly. "Alright. Alright, I'll do it."

A shower of relief ran down his spine and he smiled at her. "Thank you, Evans."

Oct. 24th, 1981

Hogwarts School

Lily burst in the door and sighed as she put her hair up in a bun.

"This hiding business is a lot more complicated than everybody makes it out to be."

Severus barely glanced up from a map which the headmaster had spread out on the table. They had just finished going over the potential safe areas which both of them were sure Lord Voldemort didn't have any connections in or close to.

Finally, Severus pushed the map away from himself. "Alright, Fawkes will do the obliviation charm on me after I leave. I won't remember any of the locations we just discussed."

"A wise course of action, Severus. Now, I will leave you and Mrs. Potter to say your farewells. Mrs. Potter, whenever you're ready, I'll be downstairs. I'll take you to headquarters and from there we'll go see your new home."

Lily pretended to look excited. "Oh, I can barely contain myself."

"Splendid. Such enthusiasm was exactly what I was expecting." Albus winked at Severus, who smiled back faintly, still thinking and worrying. Pushing himself up, the headmaster walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

Severus rolled up the map and then turned around and stared at Evans. She smiled back.

"Hey, what's with the worried Slyth look? We'll be fine."

"He's obsessed with this, Evans. He hasn't stopped muttering your names for days."

"Well, as long as he doesn't add anything rude after our names I don't really care."

"Evans—"

She laughed. "I know, I know. Don't even start with me. I need to take this _seriously_." She put on a serious frown and wiggled her eyebrows. "Very, _very_ seriously."

He felt a smile creeping over his face despite his best efforts to hide it.

"There! See? I knew I could get a smile out of you."

He rolled his eyes. "You always have, Evans."

"Yeah, well, I'm talented."

They stared at each other for a long moment, the silence awkward.

"Sev, I'll be fine."

"There are so many things that could go wrong, Evans. So many. Did you choose a secret keeper yet?"

She nodded. "James did."

"Is it someone safe?"

She nodded again. "I wish I could have made it be you, Sev, but that's an obvious bad choice, huh?"

He sighed and rolled his eyes upwards. "You think?"

"No, not very much, thanks. I leave that to you."

He laughed then, despite himself.

They stared at each other for a long moment, both of them scared but neither of them wanting to scare the other by showing it.

"Sev, we'll be fine. The Fidelius charm is the best protection anybody could give us. Besides, even if Mister Red Eyes finds us, I've always said I want to have a crack at him, haven't I?"

"Evans, don't say things like that."

She smiled softly and then gently ruffled his hair. He grimaced. "Don't be a worried git, Sev. We've done this before. We'll go into hiding, spend endless hours playing cards and twiddling our thumbs and then Mister Red Eyes will finally get bored with this and we'll be back before you know it."

He wanted to nod, he wanted to tell her he believed her, but too many doubts were running through his mind.

She rolled her eyes and muttered something about Slyth paranoia. Reaching around her neck, she pulled out the silver necklace Severus had given her a few months ago and unclasped it. Holding it out, she handed it to him.

"Here, Sev."

"What?"

"Take it." She opened his hand and dropped the silver lion into it, the chain gently streaming down around it. She closed his fingers over it and looked at him.

"Hang onto it for me and give it back to me when I see you again. Which will be sooner than you think, trust me."

He squeezed his hand around the small necklace. "Evans—"

"I'm not taking it back so don't even think about it. It's your insurance. You hold onto it for me until I can wear it again, alright?"

They stared at each other until Severus nodded. With a start, he realized she was crying.

"You're crying, Evans."

She laughed through her tears. "So are you, git."

He reached up and felt his wet cheeks, surprised that he hadn't even noticed.

She reached over and wiped his tears away and then pulled him into a tight hug. He felt sobs rising in his chest and squeezed his eyes shut but the tears came nonetheless. He held her as if she was his life preserver, which in some ways she was.

"Evans—"

"Shh, don't say it," she whispered, interupting him. "Gryff confidence, remember?"

He chuckled faintly, the sound distorted by the lump in his throat.

"_Severus, Albus just sent me word, it's time for them to leave_."

Reluctantly, Severus let her go. "Fawkes says it's time for you to go."

"Yippee."

She smoothed her robes and wiped the stray tears off her cheek. She smiled at him. "Sev, I'll always be with you, you know that, right? No matter what happens."

He was shaking, wanting to start sobbing but not wanting to make this any harder for her.

"And Sev?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you remember your promise?"

"What promise?"

"About Harry."

He knew what she was talking about. "Yeah. Yeah, I do. But you swore it would never come to that."

"Just covering all my bases. I do have a Slyth for a best friend, don't I?"

She grabbed him again and hugged him fiercely. "You be strong and smart, alright?"

"You too."

"And be safe."

"That goes double for you," he murmured.

Finally they let each other go and she stepped towards the door. "I'll be back soon, Sev. You hold down the fort until then, alright?"

He nodded.

She grinned as she opened the door behind her. "And keep that chin up. It's no good going through life tripping over your own nose."

He laughed. "Get out of here already."

"Fine then, be that way." She stuck her tongue out at him and threw a grin at him before walking through the door. "I'll see you soon, Sev."

"Yeah." He couldn't say anything else.

She disappeared through the door in a whirl of red hair and smiles, leaving him in the empty office.

He swallowed a few times, trying to stop the tears he knew still wanted to come. He couldn't cry now. He had to keep his chin up and be smart and strong. There were things to do.

Slowly, he sat down in the chair he had sat in a million times since he was a small child. Rain streamed down the window and Fawkes flew through the air and landed on the desk before him.

"_She'll be fine, Severus_."

He didn't answer, only clutched the small necklace in his hands, the lion's mane digging into his palms.


	42. Chapter 42

Path of Shaded Light

Chapter 42

Dedication: This chapter has the beginnings of the Big Halloween Night so it's dedicated to Nemo Returning who has been anxiously dreading and awaiting this part (you know it's true) and who has been one of my most loyal readers and reviewers since I started this monster of a tale. So, in thanks for being my 200th reviewer and for always pointing out my little inconsistencies in a lovely sarcastic tone, I dedicate this chapter and the next one (yes, it's a cliffhanger) to Nemo Returning.

'Death smiles at us all. All we can do is smile back.'

- Gladiator

Oct. 27th, 1981

The Dark Manor

"Lily Potter….Alice Longbottom….." A pale finger traced the two names on the piece of paper before him.

"….James Potter….Frank Longbottom…." Another trace, the finger lingering over the letters as if they themselves were contemplating what they were tracing.

"…..Harry Potter….Neville Longbottom….." The finger stopped and went back to the start.

"….Lily Potter….Alice Longbottom….."

Severus lay there, listening to the whispered words. It had been going on for hours. What was going through Lord Voldemort's mind was anybody's guess, but Severus wasn't complaining. As long as his master was thinking, he wasn't doing anybody any harm. Yet.

"They both have selected secret keepers, Severus?"

"Yes, my Lord."

"Hmm. Jugson is being unusually slow in finding them."

"The headmaster must have them in hiding also."

A hand slammed onto the armrest hard enough for the sound to echo through the room. "I want this finished, Severus! I grow weary of it!"

"Have you selected a family, my Lord?"

"It's not that simple!"

Silence fell over the room once more. At one point, Lord Voldemort looked up and squinted at the far door, always able to see through it. Hissing with irritation at whoever dared to try and interupt him, he flicked a hand at the door.

A squeal rang out from the corridor as the unfortunate visitor was flung down the corridor.

Glaring at the door once more, Lord Voldemort looked at the paper again.

"Lily Potter….Alice Longbottom…" And the whispers and tracing finger started again.

Oct. 29th, 1981

The Dark Manor

The idea had been in his head for days. It was stupid. It was crazy. It was absolutely dangerous and risky, but he had to try.

"….James Potter….Frank Longbottom…..Harry Potter…...Neville Longbottom…"

Severus shifted on the ground beside Bella, who gave him a slight frown from behind her mask.

The voice stopped and his master glanced at him. "What is it, Severus?"

"My lord, if I may ask a favor?"

Bella froze and gave him a look like he'd just sprung a second head. Even Lord Voldemort blinked twice, not looking sure if he wanted to laugh it off or throw him out.

"A…favor, my serpent?"

"Yes, my lord."

The Dark Lord tilted his head and seemed to think about it. The idea seemed to amuse him and he nodded, giving Severus a wave of his hand. "Alright. Let's hear it. Lord Voldemort is always willing to listen to his Severus, isn't he?"

"Yes, my Lord. Thank you, my Lord."

"What is this about?"

"About the Potters, my Lord."

The finger immediately started tracing the names again. "What about them?"

"Well, I have always fancied the woman Potter."

"Lily Potter?"

"Yes, my Lord. We went to school together."

The Dark Lord smiled knowingly. "And should I choose them, you wish for me to spare her life and allow you to play with her."

Severus pretended to look eager. "Yes, my Lord. Very much." He was so close. So close. If he could get her close enough to him, he could run for the one of the apparation points and get them both out of here, covers be damned.

Lord Voldemort thought it over for a moment. "Well, my serpent never asks for much and has always been content with what I give him. I don't see why not. If she cooperates, then you may have her when I am finished, Severus."

He nearly sobbed with relief as he crawled closer to his master's hems to kiss them, for once not being repulsed by the action. "Thank you, my Lord. You are most gracious."

"Yes, I know. Don't expect this kind of charity to be repeated, Severus. Of course, this is all a moot point if I choose the other family. Or do you have some special longing for Alice Longbottom as well?"

Damn his conscience and damn what anybody who would know about this would think about him. "No, my Lord. None at all."

Oct. 30th, 1981

Sirius's Apartment

"Would you move, Wormy? It's been half an hour."

Peter frowned at Sirius. "You've only just gone, Sirius."

Snarling at him, Sirius was moments away from just throwing the entire chess set at Peter's head, but stopped himself.

It had been difficult enough getting the headmaster to allow any of the marauders keep Sirius company, but since Peter never did anything that important for the order anyway, the headmaster had allowed him to stay with Sirius for the duration of this mess.

Peter's hand finally moved to his knight and moved it two squares and then froze.

"Oh, I didn't mean to do that! I didn't! Can I take it back? Please?"

Sirius rolled his eyes and gave him a curt nod, accustomed to the way Peter played chess. Half arsed like everything else he did in life.

The knight moved back its original square and Peter went back to squinting at the board. Peter glanced up at Sirius, who had reached over to grab his cigarettes from the table and was lighting one with a flick of his wand.

If Sirius only knew how difficult it was to keep playing chess and pretend to be paying attention. His mind had been in a whirlwind for days now.

He had thought his master had finally realized how useful he could be. After all, it had been him who had brought master word about the order and its members. He had thought this essential piece of intelligence would have elevated him to a master level at least, if not one of masters personal companions, like that little Slytherin slut Snape. He didn't deserve to touch their master. But the Dark Lord had just taken the information, given him a smile and thrown him back out. And then, when he had just gone by to see his master to chat and spend time with him, he had thrown him clear down the corridor without even seeing him! Lucius had said it would be different. Lucius had sworn that their master loved each of them and would spend time with them and listen to them whenever they needed him to.

Damn it! It was just like it had been at school. First James and Sirius had seemed like the best friends he had always wanted, but then they started ignoring him. Calling him names. Treating him like dirt. Ignoring him. Ignoring him!

And now, the Dark Lord was doing the same thing.

Well, Peter wouldn't let him! Peter had sold his life to him and he wouldn't let himself just be thrown out like this! He was an important person, wasn't he? He deserved to have someone pay attention to him, didn't he? That was what Lucius had said, and Lucius was a smart person. Lucius wouldn't have lied. Not about something that Peter knew deep down was the truth.

"Would you go already, Peter? Bloody hell! I could play faster with a dungbeetle! It would have more brains than you anyway, that's for sure." Sirius stubbed out his smoke and lit another one.

A flare of anger lit up within Peter and he was about to ask Sirius to please apologize—which Remus always told him was the best way to get Sirius to 'remember his personal boundaries' which Sirius was always forgetting about. But then he stopped.

Froze, rather.

An idea had suddenly popped into his head. A brilliant, beautiful idea which would make him be an important person in his master's eyes. Not just any important person. The _most_ important person.

He quickly ran through the plan in his head just like Master Jugson had taught him to do. Think through all angles. Incorporate all variables. Think of everything that could go wrong and have plans for how to deal with these.

It could work.

"Sirius, how can you concentrate on chess like this?"

"What the hell are you on about? Is this your way of trying to get me to forget that you haven't moved in about two hours?"

"No, Sirius. I'm just scared for you."

"For me? You're the one who hasn't moved in two hours and you're scared for me?"

Peter waved a dismissive hand at the chess board. "Not about the game, Sirius. About this whole secret keeper business."

Sirius frowned and stared at him. "What the hell are you on about?"

"I mean, aren't you scared that the Death Eaters will know that you're Padfoot's secret keeper?"

"How the hell would they know?"

Peter leaned forward and lowered his voice. Oh, Master Jugson would be so proud of him. Play on people's fears and weaknesses, she had said.

"I mean, everybody knows you're James' best friend. And even if You-Know-Who doesn't, he has people everywhere, right? And besides, it could get out through the order."

"How the hell could it get from the order to the morons?"

Goodness, Sirius was being unusually thick. He was probably bored and not wanting to think too much.

Peter lowered his voice even more and glanced around as if afraid they would be overheard.

"You know, the traitor. In the order."

Sirius frowned and leaned forward, finally forcing his mind to catch up to the situation which had suddenly gone from being 'Peter's stupidity' to 'Dead serious'.

"You think the traitor would tell them about me being the secret keeper?"

Peter bit his lip. "Maybe. I mean, it is pretty obvious, isn't it? You being secret keeper."

Sirius leaned back and stubbed out his cigarette, having forgotten about it. For a long moment, he sat still in thought, mulling something over.

Peter silently waited, hoping for him to come to the conclusion Peter needed him to come to.

"Pete, I've got an idea. It's crazy, but it might work. I mean, everybody thinks I'm secret keeper, right? That's what the traitor would tell the Death Eaters and that's what anybody in the order would blurt out during an interogation, right?"

Peter nodded. "Yeah. Yeah." It was always important to let Sirius come to these conclusions on his own. He always liked his own conclusions much better than anybody else's, even if his own were stupid.

"How about we switch?"

Peter pretended to look frightened. "M-me? You want me to be secret keeper?"

"Yeah. Yeah, Pete, think about it. Nobody would know we switched right? We could do the charm switch right here, right now. Nobody would know. So even if they get their hands on me, I couldn't tell them anything."

Peter bit his lips. "I don't know, Sirius. It sounds scary."

"Don't be such a ninny, Peter!"

With those words, any reservations Peter really had or pretended to have evaporated. So he was a ninny, huh? Well, let Sirius call him all the names he wanted to. What Sirius thought of him didn't matter anymore. His master wouldn't call him a ninny.

"Alright, Sirius. Let's do it. Let's switch."

Oct. 31st, 1981

The Dark Manor

"You are certain of this, Wormtail?"

Peter nodded frantically, feeling so proud of himself. His master was listening to him and only him. Even that stupid Slytherin slut and his crazy bondmate weren't here.

"Yes, my Lord. Sirius made me secret keeper just yesterday."

"You are certain he performed the charm correctly?"

"Yes, my Lord. They are in Godric's Hollow, the third house on Brightman Street."

He felt his face being lifted up and felt the swift, painful tearing in his head as his master searched his mind and verified what he had said.

Then he withdrew and leaned back in his chair, clasping his hands. "You have done well, Wormtail. Very well indeed."

Peter glowed. "Thank you, my Lord."

"Should your information prove accurate, you will be rewarded beyond your imaginations."

"Thank you, my Lord. Thank you." Peter crawled up to him and kissed the hem of his robes, nearly crying from happiness. His master did love him. He did.

"We will leave at once."

Peter froze. "What?"

Lord Voldemort appeared not to have heard him. He pushed himself up and straightened his robes. "Yes, yes. Now is a good time. We will leave now."

"W-where, my Lord?"

Again his master ignored him. "Nagini, come, my dear. It has been a while since I have ventured out of these walls, but the Potters will not be eliminated by just anybody. They deserve to have my personal attentions."

With a hiss, Nagini slid across the floor towards the door. Straightening his robes once more, Lord Voldemort smiled to himself. Soon, this business will be finished once and for all.

"Come, Wormtail."

Still frozen with shock, Peter numbly obeyed the command and followed his master as the Dark Lord swept out of the room, Nagini slithering along beside them.


	43. Chapter 43

Path of Shaded Light 

Chapter 43

Author's Note: Well, here it is. Big Halloween Night Part II. As I promised, I'm dedicating these next two chapters to Nemo Returning as well (who is probably too concerned about what I have in store for all our characters' mental well-beings to read my author's note, but will hopefully appreciate the sentiment. It's the least I can do for a loyal, kind and consistent reader and reviewer!). Before we go on, I must point out that one or two lines of dialogue were taken directly out of 'Prisoner of Azkaban' which is obviously Jo's creation and not mine and I just needed to borrow a few lines. The chapters are both quite long and skip around A LOT but we do need to touch base with everybody as the war comes to an end, don't we? On another note, I hope everybody received my thank-you notes for their wonderful reviews (you have to love and their constant giving of little gifts such as the author's review reply function, right?) and I hope you all enjoy the next part!

'Death comes for us all. We can only choose how to face it when it comes.'

- 'The Wheel of Time' by Robert Jordan

Peter crept behind the Dark Lord as they walked down the narrow street, searching for the right house. If any of the muggles would look out their windows right now, they would have a heart attack. Thank goodness it was dark.

Lord Voldemort appeared completely unconcerned about the fact that he was striding up the middle of a muggle street dressed in dark robes with an enormous snake at his heels. He slowed down when he reached the third house and paused to examine it.

"Quite the cozy little home, isn't it, Wormtail?" He might as well have been remarking on the weather.

"Y-yes, my Lord."

"A pity that it will have to go too. Wormtail, you will wait here for me with Nagini."

"Y-yes, my Lord."

XXXXXX

Smiling at the muggle woman he passed on the stairs, Sirius slowed his pace. It wouldn't do to be seen running full tilt down the hallway to Peter's door. After all, he was probably worried over nothing. Peter was probably sitting inside, quaking at his own shadow.

Moving down the darkened corridor, Sirius squinted at the apartment numbers until he found the right one and knocked.

Nobody answered. He knocked again. "Pete? It's me, Sirius. Come on, open up."

Nothing stirred in the room. He sighed. "Pete, it's me, you git. Open up the damn door."

He hammered on the door. "Come on! Alright, fine, ask me a question that a Death Eater wouldn't know, alright? Then you'll see I'm really me."

Another hammer. "Peter? Come on!"

He quickly murmured a charm over the door, allowing him to sense how many people were inside.

The charm insisted that the apartment was empty.

A cold, sick feeling ran down Sirius spine. Using his wand, he forced the door open and ran inside. "Peter! Pete! Where the hell are you?"

Panic started setting in as he raced around the small apartment, desperately hoping that the charm had been wrong and Peter was hiding in the closet somewhere.

"Peter! Damn it! Peter!"

Gasping for breath and feeling sick with fear, he finally forced himself to accept the truth. Peter was gone.

"Oh, my god. Oh, my god." He sank to his knees, his mind racing to put the pieces of the puzzle together.

"_I mean, everybody knows you're James' best friend. And even if You-Know-Who doesn't, he has people everywhere, right? And besides, it could get out through the order."_

"_You think the traitor would tell them about me being the secret keeper?"_

"_Maybe. I mean, it is pretty obvious, isn't it? You being secret keeper."_

"_How about we switch?"_

"_M-me? You want me to be secret keeper?"_

"_Yeah. Yeah, Pete, think about it. Nobody would know we switched right? We could do the charm switch right here, right now. Nobody would know. So even if they get their hands on me, I couldn't tell them anything."_

"_I don't know, Sirius. It sounds scary."_

"_Don't be such a ninny, Peter!"_

Shaking, he grabbed his hair with his hands, wanting to tear it out. Peter was the traitor. It made perfect sense now. Everything made sense. Peter's newfound whining in the past year about not being allowed to know everything that went on with the order. Peter's sudden new desire of going out on his own and not hanging around Sirius and James every single day.

"Oh, my god!" he whispered. Finally, the last piece of the puzzle clicked into place. If Peter wasn't here, he must have gone and told.

Pushing himself up, Sirius raced out of the apartment and hurled himself down the stairs, not stopping until he reached his motorcycle and tearing down the street on it. He had to get to them before Peter could tell. He had to.

XXXXXX

The knock on the door sent a cold shiver down her spine. She stared at the far window, eyes widening with fear for a moment, until she relaxed. It was probably their neighbor again, offering them more food. She was about to set out for the door when she realized her arms were full with Harry's newly washed pajamas.

"James? Can you get the door, please?" she yelled downstairs.

"What?"

She rolled her eyes and opened the drawer in Harry's room. She glanced at her son in the crib. "Your daddy's hearing starting to prematurely go, Harry." She murmured and then faced the hallway again. "The door, James! Can you get it, please? I've got my hands full."

"Sure."

She heard James stomping around downstairs and the click of the door. She paused, waiting to hear the sounds of James greeting one of their neighbors and thanking them for even more roast beef.

It was the sound of a dull thud that froze her. She frowned and listened harder, not hearing a word coming from downstairs. She pulled out her wand and rolled up her sleeves. Casting a silencing charm on Harry, she was about to step towards the door, when she saw Harry standing up in his crib, wide green eyes staring at her and hands clutching the bars. Hide Harry first, then go downstairs.

Hurrying back to the crib, she was about to reach down to pick her son up when she heard a sigh from behind her.

"What a lovely sight of maternal instinct that is, Mrs. Potter. Really, it is to be admired. Hide the child first, then come deal with the danger. I'm impressed, really. _Expelliarmus_!"

She whipped around, feeling her wand flying out of her grasp and for the first time in her life came face to face with Lord Voldemort.

Her first instinct was disgust as she looked at the pale, snake like man before her. He really wasn't much to look at anymore. Then she saw the red eyes and she knew immediately that this was no joke. She stared into those eyes, remembering the countless times she had teased Sev about 'Mister Red Eyes'. Fear welled up within her. Suddenly, it didn't seem so funny anymore.

"You do recognize me, don't you, Mrs. Potter?" He casually twirled her wand between his fingers.

As quickly as the swell of fear had come, it vanished. Her first thoughts were of James, but she had a sickening feeling she knew what that dull thud had been. Her next thoughts were of Harry. She had to find a way to distract the man before her long enough to send Harry away from here. She had to get him talking.

"Get out of my house."

A portion of his face where his eyebrow might have once been raised. "What a temper! And for a mudblood too, well, that's a surprise."

"Watch your tongue when you're in my house, you sick bastard."

A low chuckle. "Is this the way to treat a guest, Mrs. Potter?"

She clenched her jaw, determined not to show her fear. Here was the bastard who had murdered hundreds, torn families apart and twisted the minds of dozens of people until they lived soley to fulfill his every desire. He had tried to kill her family twice and had nearly taken her best friend away from her. Rage seeped through her veins once more.

"You're no guest of mine, you sick, evil monster."

Another low chuckle. He tightened his fist around her wand, and Lily watched in shock as it disappeared in a whisp of smoke. Damn it.

"Well, as charming as this conversation has been and I'm sure would continue to be should I wish to continue it, I have some minor business to take care of with your son, business which has nothing to do with you, so kindly step aside."

A real thrill of fear ran down her spine now and for the first time she fully comprehended what the prophecy meant. He was going to kill Harry. He had probably killed James already and would probably kill her too, but he would stop at nothing to kill her son.

"Don't touch my son!" she barely noticed the hysteria creeping into her voice as she backed against Harry's crib, trying to think of a way out and coming up with nothing.

"Now, now, Mrs. Potter, there is no need to get hysterical. I have no time for such dramatics. Get out of my way or I will put you out of the way."

She caught sight of her son curling up in his crib, soundlessly crying, sheer terror on his face as he stared at the strange man standing in the doorway. No. She wouldn't let him take Harry. He'd already taken nearly everything else she had ever held dear. She wouldn't let him win this time.

"Don't touch my son!" she screamed at him, completely forgetting about the fact that he was holding a wand and was probably the most powerful wizard to ever have existed. She lunged at him.

He easily sidestepped the attack and twirled his wand at her. The spell slammed into her and threw her into the far wall with a thud that nearly broke her arms.

Seeing him raise his wand and point it at her terrified little boy, she started sobbing with fear, crawling across the floor towards the crib.

"No! Not Harry, not Harry! Please not Harry!" She had reached the crib and lay against it, trying to stand, but finding her legs were shaking too much to do it.

She stared at him, her eyes begging him as much as her words. He appeared to be losing his amusement with the situation and glared.

"Stand aside, you silly girl! Stand aside, now!"

She shook her head at him frantically, frozen hands clutching the bars of the crib behind her. "Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead—"

"Get out of my way, girl!" he roared, his patience having snapped.

He pointed his wand at her again and she felt herself being thrown to the side once more. As soon as she hit the wall, she started crawling back, sobbing and shaking.

"Not Harry! Please…have mercy! Have mercy!"

He waved a dismissive hand at her, as if her protests were tiring. He pointed his wand back at Harry. She lay there, completely stunned for a moment. He was going to kill Harry. He was going to murder her son.

"_Avada_—"

She gathered her anger and her desperation around her and allowed them to fuel one last, desperate lunge across the room to the crib.

"—_Kedavra_!"

She was flying across the room, her arms outstretched towards the crib when she felt the curse meant for her son scorch her side. Fire engulfed her and she would have screamed if she could find her voice. For one last moment, she looked up and she stared into her son's eyes, her own eyes mirrored back at her.

Then everything went dark.

XXXXXX

Hiding underneath a bush by the door, Peter heard a distant voice screaming from upstairs and recognized Lily's voice immediately. He heard another voice which he knew to be his masters raised in anger and he marvelled at the fact that Lily didn't know how to properly behave infront of the Dark Lord. One never raised their voice at him!

Then the house exploded.

With an enormous bang, the window and the very walls of the house exploded outwards. The shockwave caught Peter and threw him across the street. He landed painfully on the sidewalk of the house across the street and quickly covered his head with his arms, feeling pieces of glass, chunks of dirt and bricks raining down on him.

Finally, there was silence.

He was about to push himself up and run as far away as he could, but suddenly, a terrible pain seized his left forearm. He screamed and clutched his arm, feeling the mark burning more terribly than ever before.

He curled up in a small ball, sobbing as the pain threatened to burn his arm off. He felt the pain spreading to the rest of his body and he felt as if he were on fire. He writhed around on the ground, screaming and trying to tear his skin off himself before he felt an enormous wave of something leaving him. It streamed out of his head, his arms, his legs, everywhere. The pain nearly pulled his body in half and he couldn't even scream anymore. Then suddenly, the pain was gone.

Shaking, he lay still, afraid that if he moved, the pain would return. Finally, he got brave enough to weakly push himself to his feet. Still holding his throbbing arm, he turned around to finally face the wreckage of the Potters house behind him.

His eyes widened when he didn't see his master anywhere. Stumbling back across the street, he madly searched through the charred remains, his eyes only seeking one person.

"Master? Master?" he called, his voice rising in hysteria. What the hell had happened here?

He was about to turn back around when he saw something glinting in the faint light of the streetlamps which hadn't been blown to pieces. He stepped closer, still holding his arm to himself, and saw a piece of ivory lying on the ground.

Picking it up, he immediately recognized his master's wand. He must have dropped it before he apparated back to the dark manor, his mission having been completed.

Peter twirled the wand between his fingers and stuck it into his pocket, feeling terribly disappointed. His master hadn't even thought to call to him before he went back to the manor. He had probably forgotten all about him.

Well, Peter would just go back and give him his wand and surely then, Lord Voldemort would see how useful he was and how thoughtful.

Yes, yes. Peter nodded to himself. That was what he'd do. He patted the wand in his pocket and then took out his own wand. He rolled up his sleeve, ready to simply touch the dark mark with his wand and immediately apparate away to the dark manor.

He winced at the burn in his arm as he pulled his sleeve up. He briefly looked down at his arm to see where he should be putting his wand tip.

What he saw nearly made him faint.

XXXXXX

The faint smell of blood starting to burn reached his nose and he glanced up, irritated.

"Gleeson, turn down that damn fire before you blow us all to pieces."

"Oh, sorry, sir, sorry."

Severus rolled his eyes at the stupidity and looked back down at the assignment he was marking. He glared when he saw that the writer of the report had spelled 'Miranian Roots' wrong at least three times. Using his red pen, he drew vicious strokes through all three words and wrote the correct word over it. Sheer incompetence. How could somebody hand in something to be marked without double and triple checking the spelling and grammar? He would never understand.

"Sir?"

"What is it?"

"Do I have permission to use the silver cauldron, sir?"

"Let me see your outline."

A piece of parchment got shoved under his nose and he glanced it over. He had had a devil of a time getting their small supply of pure silver cauldrons and he hated having anybody use them unless it was absolutely necessary.

The door the workshop slammed and he glanced up, ready to yell at the person for letting in such a draft. True enough, all his assistants leaned over their desks, trying to shield their carefully controlled flames from the draft and glared at the person hurrying through the maze of desks.

"Sevvie?"

He barely glanced up. "Bella, we've been over this a million times. Only open the door enough to squeeze through and don't let in a damn draft."

"Yes, Sevvie, I know, I'm terribly sorry, but I'm really worried."

Probably one of her toys had drawn his last breath and died on her before she was finished. "Bella, I told you, all you can do when they die is turn them into inferi, nothing more."

"It's not that, Sevvie." She leaned closer to him until her face was inches from his, the sleeve of her robe nearly upsetting his ink bottle. He moved his hand to get it out of harms way. "Master's gone," she whispered, her eyes huge behind her mask.

His hand froze half way to the bottle and he stared at her. "What?"

"Master's gone. I checked in his chambers ten minutes ago. Nagini's gone too."

Immediately, panic seized him. Master never left the manor unless it was for personal reasons. The only personal reason which he had on his mind right now was the prophecy. He had finally chosen a family.

He was about to leap up, run out of the room and go to the headmaster, but he quickly controlled himself. Don't get hysterical. Use your head.

"_Fawkes_?"

"_I'm already on my way. I'll tell Albus immediately_."

He turned to Bella and pretended it wasn't a big deal. "He probably went on an errand, Bella."

She looked at him like he had turned green. "He never goes on errands, Sevvie, unless it's something really important. Why didn't he tell us where he was going?"

Good question. Damn it, he should have stayed in master's chamber this morning.

He felt panic overwhelming him again. What if master had gone after Evans? What if he was there right now? No, no. He had to get to their secret keeper first, and he knew for a fact that Jugson had no idea who it was.

It had to be something else. It had to be.

He was about to stand up and reassure Bella it was nothing and then race to find Jugson and find out if she had discovered the identity of the Potters secret keeper.

Instead, the entire world erupted in chaos.

His mark erupted in fiery pain, worse than any summoning had ever been. He clutched his arm and bit his lip to stiffle a scream, but the room was soon filled with anguished cries and screams as everybody fell to their knees, holding their arms and gritting their teeth from the pain. Bella fell into him and they both fell to the floor in a tangle of limbs, their marks burning.

Severus felt the pain creeping down his arm and up his sides and into his head until his vision went red and he felt like his head was cleaving in two. The fire tore through the rest of his body and he writhed on the floor, barely hearing the other screams in the room. Suddenly he felt an enormous amount of magic draining out of his mark, tearing itself out of his body and streaming out of his arm. He arched his back as he madly trembled on the ground, thinking that he was surely going to die.

As suddenly as it had started, the pain receeded and left him lying on the floor, shaking and pale and staring up at the ceiling.

Slowly, silence filled the room as everybody lay all over the floor, panting and hardly believing that they were still alive.

Severus slowly pushed himself up and reached down for Bella who was lying across his legs. "Bella? You alright?"

She pushed herself up and shoved her mask up, her face paler than usual and her eyes wild with fear. "Sevvie, what was that? What happened?"

"I don't know, Bella. Just stay calm. Maybe master was working on some new magic wherever he is and it had a bad effect on all of us."

He slowly got up, pulling her up with him and glanced around the room. "Everybody get up and clean up your messes. I smell at least three things burni—"

The entire room started shaking. Severus glanced around and his eyes widened when he saw cracks starting to run up the stone walls and small pieces of the ceiling started raining down on them. Cauldrons fell off desks and smashed on the floor, their contents spraying across the walls, parchment slid down in heaps and books fell of their shelves.

Shit. This was something much more than magic having gone wrong.

"Bella, we have to get out of here."

"What do you mean, Sevvie? Why is the room all funny?"

He started for the door, grabbing her elbow to keep her with him. "Everybody get out! We have to evacuate the manor!"

People stared at him in shock, unmoving. He nearly fell over as the tremors increased and desks started toppling over, sending bottles and vials smashing onto the floor. "Everybody out! The manor's collapsing!" he yelled. Finally, panic set in and everybody scrambled for the doors, pushing and shoving as they tried to run out.

"Sevvie! We have to wait for master to come back! He'll be angry if we're not here!"

"Bella, be quiet! Come on!"

She started crying and pulled harder to get her arm out of his grasp. "Sevvie, we'll be in real trouble, you know that!"

He stopped and yanked her closer, both of them being pushed around as dozens of people shoved past them and screams filled the corridors. Larger pieces of the ceiling were falling to the floor and torches fell off the wall and smashed.

"Listen to me, please listen to me! We're going to die if we stay here! Master won't come back here until it's stable, alright? We'll go find him, alright? But first we have to get out of here."

She blinked at him and then nodded. "Okay, Sevvie. We'll find master outside."

"That's right. Now come on!"

Holding onto her arm, he started running down the corridor, pushing past screaming, panicking people as they tried to find their friends and family members and reach apparation points before the entire manor came down on their heads.

Severus ran past the apparation points, knowing he had to get Gorgon first. They raced down shaking stairs and dodged flying pieces of rock as they neared Severus' room.

They burst in and immediately, Gorgon threw himself at Severus. "Young master! What happening?"

Severus picked him up and started running out the door, not bothering to explain what he couldn't. He held onto his elf with one hand and Bella with the other, knowing he couldn't lose them.

Hundreds of people crammed the apparation points, fighting and clawing at each other, trying to get close enough to apparate out. Severus stared at the chaos, gasping for breath and hearing the walls cracking to pieces.

"Young master, there too many people! Run to stables!"

Heeding his elf's advice, Severus whirled around and they started running for the stables. They ran down darkened corridors whose torches lay smashed on the floor, their only guide being years of experience living in the nearly pitch black fortress. They had nearly reached the stables when Bella suddenly let out a cry and stopped, nearly yanking Severus off his feet.

"Bella, come on!"

"Sevvie, it's one of my precious ones!"

"What?"

She was pointing down the far end of the corridor where an inferi was slowly walking around, clearly having no idea where she was. Her eyes were huge as she slowly wandered around, her steps stilted and jerky, a sign of a poorly cast inferius curse.

"Bella, leave her, she'll be fine!"

"No, Sevvie, she needs my help!"

"We don't have time!"

"No!" Bella yanked her arm out of Severus' grasp and raced down the corridor towards the inferi, who would never thank her for her act of bravery.

"Bella!" Severus was about to race after her when a piece of the ceiling collapsed right before him. He leapt back and stumbled over the hem of his robe and fell, scrambling backwards with his elf until they were safe, clouds of dust rising around them.

Trying to push themselves up and stay standing on the shaking ground, Severus stared at the mound of stone blocking him from Bella and sick fear set in.

"Bella!" he screamed.

He heard a faint 'Sevvie!' coming from the other side.

"Young master, we must be going now!"

"Elf, we can't leave her here! Bella!"

Gorgon grabbed onto his robe when Severus showed signs of wanting to race to the debris and start tearing it apart.

"Please, young master, she find her own way out! Please! Ceiling going to collapse some more and we die!"

Feeling tears welling up in his eyes, Severus bit his lip and clenched his fists, hating himself for what he was about to do.

Taking a few steps back, he stared at the pile, mentally apologizing to her over and over again.

"_Sevvie, please don't leave me! Sevvie, it's scary! Sevvie, I'm scared_!"

Turning around, Severus ran after his elf, tears stinging his eyes. "_I'm sorry, Bella. I'm sorry. Try to go back upstairs and find an apparation point_."

"_Sevvie, I'm scared_!"

He kept running, not looking back. "_I'm so sorry, Bella_!"


	44. Chapter 44

Path of Shaded Light 

Chapter 44

'Do you hear the people sing, lost in the valley of the night? It is the music of a people who are climbing to the light. For the wretched of the earth, there is a flame that never dies, even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.'

- 'Les Miserables' by Andrew Lloyd Webber

(original author: Victor Hugo)

He was sure he had lost half the rubber on his wheels between Peter's apartment and Godric's Hollow.

A faint smelling of something burning reached his nose as he got closer, but he ignored it. He didn't stop until he reached the house.

The sight of destruction nearly made him forget to stop his bike. He stared at the black, burnt remnants of his best friend's house, small pieces of broken furniture lying amid the ash and black piles of soot. Getting off his bike he ran into the still smoking ruins, tears choking him.

"James? Jamie? James!" he screamed. Nobody answered him.

He couldn't breathe and his legs lost their ability to hold him and he fell to his knees amid the ruins, feeling a fiery pain racing up his chest, threatening to tear him in half. James was dead. And Harry. And Lily.

He squeezed his eyes shut and grabbed fistfuls of his hair as grief and pain overwhelmed him and he screamed his despair into the night, collapsing as sobs seized hold of him, sobbing out the words 'I'm sorry, Jamie, so sorry. I'm sorry'.

He had no idea how long he was there, sobbing amid the burnt remains of the Potter's house, when suddenly, he heard somebody calling his name.

"Sirius! Hey, Sirius! Whadda hell 'appened 'ere?"

He ignored the voice, not caring about who else was here. It might have been Voldemort himself and he wouldn't care.

He felt strong arms lifting him to his feet and he blinked through his tears to recognize Hagrid.

"Sirius! Did you see? Did you see 'im?"

Sirius didn't care who the hell Hagrid was talking about. James was dead. _Dead_.

"Sirius! Harry survived!"

What? It took him a moment to fully comprehend what Hagrid had just said. He stared at him, not understanding, until he realized Hagrid must have been driven mad with grief.

"Hagrid look around! There's nothing left!" He screamed, waving his arms around like a mad man.

That was when he noticed a small bundle held in Hagrid's arms. A moving bundle. Sirius stepped closer and together they looked down at the crying child, whose lips were moving and whose face was streaked with tears but no sound escaped him.

"Lily must 'ave put a silencing charm on 'im." Hagrid muttered, holding Harry close.

Sirius stared down at the small child. There was a vicious bloody cut on his forehead but otherwise he appeared fine. Here was the only thing he had left of his best friend.

"Hagrid, let me take him. I'll take him to Dumbledore."

"Sirius, it's alright, let me take 'im. You go on and stay wid Remus o' Peter. You need some time."

Sirius froze at the sound of the name. Peter.

Whiny, snivelling Peter who had clung to Sirius like a burr since they were eleven. Peter who had betrayed the order to Voldemort. Peter who had convinced him to make him secret keeper. Peter who had told Voldemort where to find James.

Peter who had killed his best friend without a second's thought.

Rage raced through Sirius' veins and he clenched his jaw nearly hard enough to shatter his teeth.

Turning around, Sirius walked out of the charred remains of his best friend's life and started down the street.

"Sirius! Where ya goin'?"

He didn't answer.

"Listen mate, is it alright if I borrow yer bike? I ain't feel good 'bout apparating wid Harry here."

Sirius waved a hand over his shoulder, letting Hagrid interpret it as he saw fit.

He was going to find Peter and he was going to make him pay.

Nov. 1st, 1981

Hogwarts School

Slowing Xira down, Severus stopped her as he neared the edge of the forest. Still shaking from the chaos of the past few hours, he slid off her and helped Gorgon down.

"Go take it easy, girl. I don't know how long we'll be here, but I'll come let you know when we're going back."

Xira snorted softly and nudged him before he gave her a pat and she raced off into the dark forest.

"Severus!"

He whirled around, his wand already out before he recognized the headmaster's voice. The old man was racing across the grounds towards him, clad in his nightgown and slippers.

"Headmaster!"

As soon as Albus reached him, he pulled him into his arms, shaking from relief. At least one of his children was safe.

"Severus, I was so worried."

"Headmaster, what on earth is going on?"

Albus released him and searched his face. "How much do you know?"

"Not much at all. The Dark Lord left a few hours ago with Nagini and he told no one where he was going. Then the manor started falling apart and we all evacuated."

The headmaster was giving him an unreadable look and seemed to be debating something, before he gave him a firm pat.

"Child, I need to attend to a few urgent matters, but you must hide. Aurors will probably be descending on Hogwarts in a few hours and there is so much to do in very little time."

Severus frowned, not understanding. Of course, master's magical experimentations were dangerous and worrisome, but they have never created such mass hysteria. Not to mention the hysteria he would be in when he saw the state of his own manor.

"Headmaster, what?"

"Please, I have no time to explain now. Go into the school and hide somewhere, Severus. You and Gorgon both. I'm sure you can find a good enough nook to stay out of sight in. I will come and find you when it is safe."

Without another word, the headmaster was off again, running towards the far gates with such energy that Severus doubted for the moment that he was the twenty year old and not the headmaster.

Rubbing his still throbbing arm, Severus slowly walked down the side of the castle to the hidden side door where elves brought in fresh food supplies. As he walked, he realized how tired he was.

"Gorgon, it's been a hell of a confusing day."

"Gorgy agrees, young master, Gorgy agrees." His elf sounded equally exhausted. They found the camouflaged door hidden amongst ivy covered stone and murmured the elfish password. It creaked open and they walked in, walking down the short corridor leading to the kitchens.

Severus took a moment to breathe in the familiar smell of the lower levels. He hadn't been down here since they had left Hogwarts. Could it really only have been three and a half years ago?

They reached the kitchens and Mixie was waiting in the doorway for them and quickly ushered them inside. All the elves seemed tense and worried and were muttering amongst themselves.

Severus found himself not really caring about any of it. Master would summon him in a few hours and then he would be punished for not being at the manor cleaning up the mess right now. And of course, they would have to round everybody up.

At that, his thoughts immediately went to Bella, and he frantically called for her over their bond.

"_Sevvie? I'm fine_."

With those words, relief nearly made him collapse and he allowed Gorgon to steer him over to a cot he had transfigured a stool into. He lay down on it and closed his eyes.

"_Thank Merlin! You got out alright_?"

"_Yes, yes. I had to throw a few people out of the way, but I did it_."

"_Where are you_?"

"_I'm at Rudolphus'. Rabastan and Barty are here too_."

"_Alright, good. Stay there until we're summoned back. I'll see you then_."

"_Okay. Be safe, Sevvie_."

"_You too_."

Turning off their bond, he turned to Gorgon and whispered that Bella was alright. Gorgon nodded and then Severus went on to whisper that Bella was staying with her husband.

"Alright. So everybody fine now and we find out what mess Dark Master up to tomorrow, alright?"

Gorgon helped pull a blanket over Severus as he lay down, sinking into the soft mattress and his eyes immediately slid shut. He felt his elf curling up at his feet in a blanket he had conjured for himself.

The other elves lowered the lamps in the kitchen a bit and then clustered around at the far end of the kitchen to continue debating what had happened in the past few hours, keeping their voices low so they wouldn't wake their two frequent house guests. Two of them went to stand guard at the door, ready to wake and help hide them if any aurors came sniffing down the corridors.

XXXXXX

Dumbledore hardly slowed down as he apparated into the ministry's foyer, immediately surrounded by a chaotic muddle of people.

"Dumbledore! Dumbledore! Thank goodness you're here!" A harried looking Millicent Bagnold pushed through the throng to him and seized his arm.

"We're all meeting in the auror office upstairs in a few moments."

"Do we have information?"

"Yes, yes, it's all upstairs."

She was already pulling him down the corridor, ignoring her nightgown clad aides as they shouted questions at her and asked her if she wanted some coffee.

They hurried to the elevators and shoved their way in. Millicent told the elevator her authorization password and the elevators immediately zoomed upstairs to the auror headquarters without pausing at each level.

They pushed their way out and were met with an enormous crowd of blue robed aurors, all of whom were shouting to each other and appeared near hysterics.

Millicent shouldered her way into Auror Moody's office and managed to shut the door on the chaos outside.

Gathered in the small, over crowded office were Amelia Bones, Emmaline Vance, Alastor Moody and a few other top ministry officials.

"Alright, let's get right down to it. What the hell happened?"

Moody glanced down at his notes. "We've got muggle eyewitnesses stating they saw someone who could only have been You-Know-Who striding down the street where the Potters were hidden and going into the house. Ten minutes later, the entire house exploded and only the boy was left alive."

"And what about our detectors? What did they say?"

"All of them were consistent. There was an enormous amount of dark magic released in the house, which then dissipated."

They all exchanged long looks. "And You-Know-Who's magical signature?"

Moody glanced up. "It's gone. Wiped off the map. I can't find it anywhere."

Silence descended on the room. Millicent held up a hand. "Alright, we can't jump to conclusions. We need more evidence."

Amelia Bones stepped forward. "I've just been to Azkaban. Every single Death Eater we have incarcerated experienced a large magical drain and all of their dark marks have disappeared."

Dumbledore felt the excitement starting to well up inside the room and he held up a cautionary hand. "Alastor, may I see our detectors results?"

"Certainly, Albus. Here."

He quickly skimmed the magical signatures on the paper. Sure enough, Voldemort's magical signature was gone, but a grey haze of dark magic had appeared all over the detectors result. He leafed through the parchment and saw that the faint haze had spread all over the world. It was very faint, but was still discernable. It wasn't enough to warrant any imminent concern, but Albus frowned at it. Something still wasn't right.

"Then it's true? He's gone?" Emmaline Vance asked in a hushed whisper.

They all stared at each other, finally starting to realize that their eleven year nightmare was over.

Millicent glanced over their notes again and then nodded, still hardly believing it.

"It certainly appears that way." She glanced up and suddenly, an enormous smile spread across her face. "Well? What are we waiting for? Go out and spread the word, people! We've won!"

XXXXXX

"_Fawkes, send a message to Hagrid immediately. Tell him to bring Harry to headquarters and to wait there for Minerva's word_."

"_Yes, headmaster_."

"_And sent a message to Minerva. I want her to start searching through my old notes_."

"_What do you want her to look for, Albus_?"

"_Petunia Dursley's address. As soon as she has found it, tell her to send a message to Hagrid to meet me there tonight_."

"_Yes, headmaster_."

Albus hurried down the corridors, now filled with relieved cries, screams of jubilation and tears. Their world had started celebrating their hard won victory.

But the time for celebration was far from Albus' mind at the moment. There was more to this tale, much more. How could Tom not have been able to kill Harry, an ordinary wizarding baby? And why was their house in shambles?

He was already starting to form a theory in his mind, but he would need to do some reading before he could verify it. If he was right, then they would be needing Petunia Dursley's help.

He hurried down to the Department of Mysteries and rushed into the circular room. A murmured spell lit up the door he wanted in a fiery red and he pushed it open, rushing inside. The entire room was filled with hundreds of shelves stuffed with books and documents. The size of the room was large enough to allow a Quidditch team comfortable practice, if the books and shelves were removed of course. He frantically hurried around the shelves, searching for the section and books he needed. The magic was old, he knew that. Old enough even for Tom to possibly not have come across it in his years of magical research, or possibly to have forgotten about it altogether.

XXXXXX

"Alice! Alice! Frank!" The woman raced up the street in the early morning dawn, waving her arms and screaming hysterically, nearly crying from happiness.

She reached the house and banged on the door until she heard Frank lowering the wards and opening the door.

"Kara? What the hell is wrong?" He was rubbing his tired face but was already ready with his wand in his hands. Alice was upstairs hiding Neville. After so many years, they had their battle reflexes ingrained.

She grabbed his arms, tears streaming down her face. "It's over, Frank! Over! You-Know-Who's gone! He's gone!" She was jumping up and down.

Frank stared at her. "What?"

"He's gone, Frank! It's over! We've won! We've won!"

Frank stared at her, stunned for a moment before he started shaking. He turned around. "Alice? Alice!"

Alice hurried down the stairs, her wand ready. "What is it, Frank? Who is it?"

"Alice, it's over! My god, it's finally over! We've won!"

"What?"

Alice stared as her secret keeper and close friend raced into the house and threw herself into her arms, crying and laughing at the same time. "It's over! We've won! We've won!"

Alice stared at Frank for a moment, too stunned to respond before she felt years of worry, fear and pain melting away. They were safe. It was over. They had won.

Screaming she grabbed Kara and Frank in an enormous hug, all of them laughing and crying from sheer relief.

XXXXXX

Nagini slithered down another street, trying to move from bush to bush and avoid being seen. She had no idea where she was going or where she could go, but she wanted to avoid being caught by any fool who would try to kill her on sight or worse, stick her in a zoo. She found herself surprised by a feeling of sadness that engulfed her.  
She missed her companion.

She didn't understand where he had gone and what had happened, but he hadn't simply disapparated and left her on the sidewalk beside that snivelling fool, Wormtail. Of that, she was certain. He wouldn't leave her unless he had to. He would also be back one day, of that she was also certain. She knew how powerful her companion was and that a curse malfunction wouldn't keep him away for long.

She just had to find a place to hide and stay there until he summoned her.

Her thoughts were preoccupying her and caused her to become careless. It was already past dawn and people were starting to mingle around.

Before long, she heard a high pitched scream and saw a woman scampering away from her. She sighed inwardly. She would have to stop the woman and keep her from alerting everybody to her presence. She started after the woman, who ran down the street, screaming for help. She was so intent on her prey and her mission, that she never even saw another woman step out from her house. The woman quickly took in the sight of the enormous snake slithering down the middle of the street, nearly on the heels of the hysterical woman it was chasing.

Glancing around herself to make sure nobody could see, she pulled out a wand, and sent a wordless but strong 'stupefy' at the snake, who froze in the middle of her chase and went oddly still, slumped on the street.

Then the woman ran back into her house to call the local zoo, along the way, berating muggles and their lax security where enormous reptiles were concerned.

Within a few hours, the enormous snake had been loaded onto a truck—the muggle zoo keeper slightly perplexed by the stillness of the creature, but accepting the explanation that the woman had hit it over the head with a rock—and was driven to the local zoo. By the time Nagini regained consciousness, she found herself in the middle of a glass display case filled with nauseating smelling plants. She didn't know which insulted her more: being an amusement for the hundreds of people who 'oohed' and 'ahhed' over her everyday and banged on the glass as if that would entice her to start doing tricks for them, or the large sign proclaiming that she was a boa constrictor who had been bred and raised in the zoo.

XXXXXX

Sirius slammed open the front door of the apartment complex. "Peter!" he screamed up the stairs, already running up them.

He had apparated and run the entire way back to Peter's place and his anger had only grown as he got closer. Even though Peter hadn't directly pointed his wand at James and killed him, he was still responsible and might as well have killed James himself rather than let his dark lord do it. And Sirius would make him pay for it.

Reaching Peter's flat, he pulled out his wand and blasted the door inwards, not caring if there were a hundred muggles watching him.

"Peter!"

He ran inside, only to see an open window and the curtain fluttering in the faint morning breeze. The bastard had run for it.

Hurling to the window, Sirius peered down and saw Peter picking himself up off the ground where he had landed from the fire escape. Sending a hex down at him, he watched as Peter barely ducked out of the way, screamed and madly ran down the street, covering his head with his arms.

"Damn you! Get back here you bloody murdering traitor!" he screamed down at him. He lifted himself out through the window and leapt off the side of the fire escape, dropping three storeys to the ground. He barely felt himself hit the pavement and only his magic kept him from breaking his legs.

He scrambled up and ran after Peter, hate making him faster as he chased Peter down winding streets.

Finally, Sirius started catching up to him and he saw by the terrified look Peter threw over his shoulder that the scumy rat knew he was going to be caught soon.

"You better not let me catch you, you murderous scum, or you'll be sorry you ever spoke to James!"

After a few more blocks, Peter seemed to decide he would have a better chance at fighting Sirius than running away.

Spinning around, he stood there, gasping for breath and his eyes wide as he stared at him, keeping his hands behind his back.

Sirius stopped and pointed his wand at him, ignoring the half fearful, half amused looks the muggles were shooting at him for pointing a stick at somebody and looking like he could kill him with it.

"Peter, you—"

"Oh, Sirius, how could you? I just heard! Lily and James are both dead! How could you?"

Sirius stared at him, still gasping for breath. "What?" he spat.

"They're both dead, Sirius! How could you? They trusted you! Why else would they have made you secret keeper? They trusted you! And how do you repay them? You gave them to You-Know-Who! Sirius, how could you?"

Rage flooded Sirius as he caught the mild smirk on Peter's face. "You lying little—"

For a split second, their eyes met and Sirius watched as Peter's smirk got even wider, then suddenly, the street exploded.

Sirius was thrown backwards by the shockwave and screams filled the air. He opened his eyes and dust crawled up his nose and into his eyes. He coughed and sat up. He squinted through the dust and stared at the spot Peter had been.

He was gone.

And lying around the spot where Peter had been were the bloodied, maimed forms of innocent people who had been hurt in the explosion Peter had caused.

Sirius got up to see if he could help them when a voice yelled out at him.

"Don't move! This is the MLE! Drop your wand and get on your knees and hold your hands up!"

Sirius ignored the voice, thinking it was addressing somebody else. He hurried over to the closest victim, seeing her dull eyes staring at the sky in shock.

Suddenly, a curse sizzled past his ears and he ducked from shock. "That was your only warning shot! Get on your knees and drop your wand or we'll stun you and take you by force!"

By force? Sirius frowned as he stared through the smoke at a young looking MLE official whom he mildly recognized as being Fudge.

They must have thought he was responsible for the explosion and these muggles. Suddenly, everything clicked into place.

Oh, Peter was good. Very, very good. And he hadn't even seen it coming.

Sirius let out a bark of laughter. "Look, I know it looks bad, and I'll admit, Peter really did a number here, but you have to—"

"Be quiet!"

Obediently, Sirius shut his mouth, dropped his wand and got to his knees with his hands up.

He barely heard a voice telling him his rights and the fact that he was being arrested for the murder of Peter Pettigrew and 12 muggles.

He was still laughing, half the laughter drowned in sobs. It was all so funny and all so sad and all so crazy.

Jamie, I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I never saw it. It was right in front of my nose but I didn't see it. I was so stupid, Jamie. I'm sorry.

He kept laughing. We all messed up, didn't we, Jamie? And now they think I did this? Well, Peter was good. Better than we ever gave him credit for, huh?

He was hauled to his feet and felt his hands being magically bound.

They would sort this out when they got to the ministry. After all, he hadn't done this. Peter had. It was all a mistake. They would see that, wouldn't they, Jamie?

_Sure, Padfoot, sure. _

Yeah, they'll see that. And then they'll laugh and go and arrest Peter and he'll go to trail for killing you, right?

_Sure, Padfoot, sure._

It'll get sorted out, right? It will.

_Sure, Padfoot, sure._

XXXXXX

Severus felt eyes on him before he had fully woken up. Years of war had given him the ability to sense other people around him even when he was asleep. Gripping his wand under his pillow, he waited a tense moment before suddenly pushing himself up, wand pointed straight at the intruder, a curse ready on his lips.

"Severus! Easy, my boy, easy! It's only me."

Severus blinked a few times before he fully realized that it was the headmaster sitting on a stool before him. He slowly lowered his wand and he heard his elf picking himself up from the floor on the other side of the cot where he had thrown himself and readied his wand as soon as he had felt Severus move.

"Headmaster! I apologize."

"It is I who should be apologizing for waking you, but you have slept the entire day. I thought you would want to know what happened."

"The entire day! What time is it?"

"It is already evening on november the first, dear."

"Evening!" Severus pushed himself up and immediately started searching for his boots and cloak. "I must get back to the manor, headmaster. The Dark Lord will be back at any moment and he'll go nuts when he sees the mess! Damn it, I should have been there hours ago cleaning up!"

"Severus, wait a moment—"

"Merlin's sake, everything in the workshop must be smashed to pieces! We'll have to redo everything we were working on yesterday. Elf, we'll have to do an inventory immediately when we get back. Who knows how much is still in one piece! Oh, Merlin! Think of our silver cauldrons! And I only just finished paying for them, damn it!"

"Severus, please, calm down and listen to me."

Albus reached over and grabbed the frantic young man's arms and kneeled on the floor infront of him. He let go of his shoulders and gently removed the boots from his grasp and set them on the floor.

"Headmaster, I apologize, but we really must be going—"

"There is nowhere you must go, Severus. Not anymore."

"If the manor is completely uninhabitable then we shall have to start looking for another fortress at once, headmaster. We can't get anything done if we don't have a stronghold."

Albus searched the frantic eyes and realized that Severus hadn't even noticed that his dark mark was gone. His mind was still in war mode, thinking and worrying the same way he had been doing for the past three years, having no idea that his life would forever be changed.

He clasped the pale hands in his and waited until Severus was looking back at him, frowning slightly and starting to comprehend that something must have happened.

"What is it, headmaster? What's wrong?"

"Child, you must promise to hear me out, alright? There is much that I must tell you but you must promise to let yourself accept it."

Severus nodded and exchanged a worried look with Gorgon, who had sat down beside him.

"Severus, Tom Riddle is gone. And I don't mean gone as in he has set off on some errand, but he is gone. He was torn from his physical body, which was destroyed early yesterday evening. Our magical detectors have confirmed it, as did the fact that his magic has left all of his Death Eaters."

"Was that what I felt seeping out of me when all our marks started going crazy?"

"Yes. What's more, I believe the magic he put into the dark manor also drained out of it, which would explain why the infrastructure of it weakened. Tom built his fortress using magic and not muggle ways."

Severus blinked at him. For a long moment, he didn't say anything, and then he smiled faintly. "Gone? Headmaster, the Dark Lord doesn't just disappear."

"No, he doesn't. I haven't completely pieced together what had happened, but I have some rough ideas."

He had more than a rough idea, but that would force him to tell Severus about the Potters, and he didn't think the young man could handle both things at once.

The dark eyes still looked at him with disbelief. Albus gently took his left hand in his and pushed up the sleeve, revealing pale, white skin, unmarred from the darkness which had covered it for so long.

Severus stared down at his arm for a long moment, hardly remembering to breathe. His mark was gone. Absolutely gone. The leering skull and the serpent were gone, wiped clean as if they had simply been drawn onto his arm and not burned into it.

He felt his numbness slowly starting to receed and he blinked a few times, forcing himself to accept this for what it really meant. The Dark Lord was gone. Gone.

"He's really gone?" He whispered.

Albus nodded. "Yes."

"I don't have to go back to him?"

"No, Severus. Not ever again."

Severus started shaking. "It's over? We've really won? He's really gone?"

"Yes, my boy. It's over. He can't hurt you ever again. He's gone."

"Really gone?"

"Really gone."

"Oh, Merlin," he breathed. Severus felt tears of relief streaming down his face and realized he had started crying a while ago. He felt the sobs rising in his throat and he twisted his shaking hands together. The war was over. They had won. The Dark Lord would never hurt him again. He would never have to lie on the floor at his feet again, he would never have to watch him hurt and kill innocent people again. He would never have to live with sick fear haunting him every moment of his life for having betrayed his master.

It was all over. The fighting, the fear, the deceptions, the lying, the pain, the worry. They had won.

"Oh, Merlin," Severus sobbed, feeling himself sliding off the cot. Albus caught him and pulled him into his arms, silent tears also streaming down his face.

They lay there on the floor, Gorgon crying and clinging onto a sobbing Severus while Albus comforted them both on the kitchen floor.

It was finally over.


	45. Chapter 45

Path of Shaded Light 

Chapter 45

Author's Note: Thank you so much for all your reviews! They made my christmas extra special and I'm thrilled everyone enjoyed Halloween night (even though we did have to say good bye to one of our characters sob). I hope everybody got my thank you note complete with answers to your questions. A lot of people are concerned that I'm ending the story soon, but have no fear. 'Shaded Light' will end when Sev starts teaching at Hogwarts (which won't be for a while) and then the third part of the trilogy will start, going all the way up to when Harry defeats Voldie.

Before I go on and let you read, I wanted to answer Loreleisealgirl's questions (since you sent your review anonymously and didn't leave me a reply email). Concerning Sev's sexuality, in my mind, he's straight. That is to say, he's only physically and sexually attracted to women, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't have sex with males (which he obviously does). To him, having sex with a man is either work or something he has to do which is part of his routine (like brushing his teeth). I hope that clarifies things. As for my quotes, I get those from all over the place. Whenever I come across a good quote anywhere and anytime, I scribble it down and over the years, I've collected about 130 pages of random quotes which I happen to like. Alright, I'll shut up now. Time for the angst-fest to begin.

'Like a comet blazing 'cross the evening sky, gone too soon. Like a rainbow fading in the twinkling of an eye, gone too soon. Shiny and sparkly and splendidly bright, here one day, gone one night. Born to amuse, to inspire, to delight, here one day, gone one night. Like a sunset dying with the rising of the moon, gone too soon, gone too soon.'

- 'Gone Too Soon' by Michael Jackson

Nov. 3rd, 1981

Hogwarts School

"_Albus, you must tell him_!"

"_I know, old friend_."

"_I know you don't want to hurt him, but better it comes from you than someone else. As soon as he lets this sink in, he'll start asking questions on how it happened, you know that_."

Albus sighed and slowly lowered his quill. Rubbing his tired face with his hands, he pushed himself up and set off for the kitchens, where Severus had been quietly celebrating their victory with Gorgon and the rest of the elves. It was dangerous for them both to be staying in the castle in the middle of term, but Albus wanted to keep them both close to him. In any case, they didn't have anywhere else to go.

He knocked on the kitchen door and gave Rudy the necessary elfish password before he was allowed admittance. Pulling himself in, he was immediately surrounded by loud singing and laughter. The elves were dancing around the kitchens, mugs of elfish wine and butterbeer in their hands, laughing and shouting to each other.

Gorgon was in the middle of the crowd, dancing with Gabby and Mixie in turns. Albus looked around for a moment before he spotted Severus sitting on a stool to the side, a mug of butterbeer in his hands and a small smile on his face.

Albus nearly turned back around, wanting to let Severus enjoy himself a bit more before he told him, but knowing that he deserved to know the truth.

As he stood there debating it with himself, Severus saw him and shot him a smile. Albus wove his way through the dancing throng until he reached him.

"Headmaster! The elves didn't wake you, did they?"

"No, no. I was up doing work anyway and I decided to come down to see you for a moment."

Severus took a sip from his mug and grinned at his elf, who was dancing with the energy of an elf thrice his junior.

"Have you heard from Evans?"

"Uh—"

"I've tried sending her owls but they're either confused or getting lost in the crowds. Both of them have come back with their letters. Are they still where they were hiding, sir?"

"Uhm—"

"I mean, the fact that she didn't contact me yesterday was no surprise. She's always done her best to get herself in the middle of any social chaos, hasn't she? But I thought that by today at least. Do you know how I can get in touch with her, sir? The git's starting to worry me."

Albus sighed softly and closed his eyes briefly. Now was the time. He couldn't put it off any longer.

"Severus, I should have told you earlier. I meant to, but I thought you needed some time to adjust to the end of the war first. I didn't want to burden you with it earlier."

Severus frowned, lowering his mug. "Burden me with what?"

He sighed again. "There's no easy way to tell you this. Lily is dead."

Silence followed, Severus blinked and smiled faintly. "Headmaster, if this is some sort of joke that she roped you into—"

"It's no joke, Severus. I'm so sorry but it's true."

He could hardly breathe. "She can't be dead, headmaster. We took such precautions! Did she leave the house?" He was shaking.

Dumbledore let out a long breath. "The story is complicated."

"Complicated? If the moron left her home of protection and wandered outside and got herself killed by a wandering raider party then it's not complicated!" He knew he was getting hysterical but couldn't help himself.

"Severus, please. Listen to me. Lily did nothing wrong, in fact, she saved all of us unintentionally."

"What?"

"Tom found them."

He felt as if a brick had hit him. He swayed and would have fallen over if he hadn't been sitting down.

"How is that possible, headmster? He hadn't found their secret keeper, I am sure of it! Jugson's notes didn't specify any secret keeper and she was still looking when I spoke to her last!"

"I believe their secret keeper went to Tom and gave up their location willingly."

Severus tried to form words but nothing was coming. His mind was wrapped in a fog and he could just sit there and listen as the awful words spilled out of the old man sitting beside him.

"He went to their home late evening three nights ago. If I have my facts right, he killed James immediately and then went further in to find Lily and Harry. He was after Harry so Lily wouldn't have interested him."

"So why is she dead?" Master had promised! He had promised he wouldn't harm her unless she would prove to be difficult.

"The killing curse meant to kill Harry somehow reflected off him or never reached him. In either case, the curse bounced back onto Tom and tore his soul from his body. That is why we can't detect his magical signature anymore."

Severus' hand had automatically gone to his forearm and rubbed it, even though he knew there was nothing on it anymore.

It didn't make any sense. "Why the hell would the curse reflect? He's killed hundreds and Potter's brat was just a baby."

"This is where the mystery lies. I did some research and the only way Harry could have avoided the curse was with some sort of protection."

He waited for Severus to come to the conclusion himself, but he seemed to be in a fog, unable to put two things together as quickly as he usually could.

"The sort of protection he could have only gotten by a willingly given sacrifice."

Severus still appeared confused so Albus gently continued.

"I believe Lily threw herself infront of Harry to protect him from the curse. I believe she merely meant to be hit by the curse herself and save her child, but her act invoked an old bit of magic Tom probably had forgotten about. Her act of protection and sacrifice gave Harry an immediate blood protection which shielded him from the curse, which then reflected onto Tom."

"So they're all dead?" he asked, his voice hollow.

"Not quite. Harry survived."

Severus turned to the headmaster, his eyes dark and empty and a cruel smile slid over his face.

"Wait, wait. You're telling me that my best friend is dead and that her little brat survived?"

"Severus—"

"No, you're telling me that she threw her life away for Potter's little brat!" He spat the last word as if it disgusted him to say it.

"No, Severus. She sacrificed her life for her son."

"How could she have been so stupid and selfish!" He was yelling now and the other elves had stopped and were staring at them but he didn't care.

Albus gave him a calm, sad look. "Your mother wasn't stupid or selfish, was she?"

"What the hell has that got to do with anything?"

"Everything. Your mother sacrificed her life to protect you, and so did Lily Potter. A mother's love is a wonderous thing, Severus."

"She's dead, headmaster! My best friend is dead and that little brat is still alive! How the hell is that fair?"

"It's not, Severus. Nor is it unfair. Lily made a choice to protect her son from evil, as your mother did. It was the only option she had."

He was having trouble breathing as the truth finally set it. He realized he was crying. "She didn't have to die. He promised me he would leave her alone if she didn't fight! I could have gotten her out of there!" He wrapped his arms around his knees, trembling and tears streaming down his face.

"Even if she had known that, she wouldn't have done anything differently. Please try to understand that. She didn't do this to hurt any of us, she just did it to protect her son."

Severus shook his head, feeling his world crumbling around him. She was dead. His best friend was dead.

She would never again burst into a room, red hair flying, smile sparkling and ready to make the world hers. She would never again make him laugh, poke him in the side or yell at him to make the world his like she did.

"Oh, God," he whispered, covering his face with his hands.

"Severus—" A hand reached out and settled on his knee but he pushed it off.

"Don't-don't touch me," he gasped out between sobs. He pushed himself up and stumbled towards the door, not caring where he was going. It didn't matter anymore. Nothing did.

Nov. 17th, 1981

Hogwarts School

He lay on his bed, eyes blankly staring at the far wall. His room hadn't changed a bit since he had left it three and a half years ago. His desk still sat in the corner, the chair slightly turned as if its occupant had stood up just a moment ago, not years ago. His quill, ink pot and stack of spare parchment rolls sat in neat lines. His bookshelf was still filled with the old books Gorgon and him had brought from his Father's manor. Severus hadn't thought the Dark Lord would have much use for amusing jinx books so he had left most of them here. Even the carpet on the floor was still soft and clean. Somebody had regularily cleaned the room while he had been away since it smelled clean and fresh, not abandoned like it should.

Severus would have been amused about it if he cared. He really didn't. He didn't know how much time had passed or how many days or weeks he had spent lying in bed, unmoving.

His elf would come in periodically, coaxing and begging him to eat something or shower. Severus wouldn't even respond and his elf had resorted to cleaning charms and forcing nutritional potions down his throat. The only times he would force himself to get up was when he had to use the bathroom, and even then he just had the energy to stumble two doors down to the small, dark bathroom the elves used when they used to sleep in the rooms in the lower levels.

The rest of the day, he spent lying on his bed, staring at the wall and lost in his memories. Those were all he had of her now. Memories. Her voice echoed in his head, her laughter, her outraged yells, her enthusiastic outbursts, her stubborn denials. He allowed his memories to consume him and watched them pass infront of his eyes, replaying parts of his life over and over again.

vvvvvv

"_So, you can talk after all. Amazing. In two years of being in class together, I've only heard you say about three words in total."_

"_Ghosts, elves and birds are far better conversationalists than people." He retorted. _

_She laughed. For some reason she thought that was funny. "So, the so-called loner of the school not only talks a lot but spends his time with ghosts, elves and phoenixs."_

_He narrowed his eyes at the loner comment, but decided to ignore it. _

"_In case you haven't noticed, the train's left."_

_She laughed again. "Do I look that stupid? Of course I know the train's left. My parents went to France for a few weeks and the headmaster's letting me stay here."_

"_Seriously, Evans, get down to the kitchen and leave me alone. We have nothing to say to each other."_

_Lily raised an eyebrow. "Well, we've been sitting here for quite a bit and we've had stuff to say to each other."_

"_Yeah, but now I've exhausted all of my Gryffindor friendly material for the day so you can get away from me now."_

vvvvvv

_Severus frowned. "Evans, why are you doing this? Why do you want us to be friends? I don't get it. You're the most popular girl in our class, you've got dozens of friends who adore you and you're a Gryffindor. I'm the loner and the freak who nobody likes and I don't have any human friends and I'm a Slytherin. We have nothing in common and you know it."_

_Lily nodded. "I know, but the most interesting friendships develop between people who have nothing in common. I mean, look at those blond bimbos I run around with. Sure, they're nice and easy going, but they're boring and predictable. They always talk about the same things and they're scared of Thestrals and they're whiny little babies. But you're much more interesting."_

_Severus stared at her, wondering if she was drunk. "Evans, I'm the freak, remember? I'm the person nobody should be seen with, especially not someone with your social reputation. I'm the loner. I'm—I'm Snivellus."_

_Lily glared at the nickname and lifted her chin. "You've never been Snivellus to me and I resent that stupid name. You've always been Severus to me. I know we have nothing in common but I want to be friends with you because you're smart and interesting and you seem like a nice person. I know you don't trust people, least of all a Gryffindor, but maybe you can learn to trust me and this whole friendship business won't be so bad. After all, you could use a human friend once in a while, couldn't you?"_

vvvvvv

_"What do you want, Evans? I'm in the middle of reading something."_

_She scowled and dismissed that. "You're always in the middle of reading something. Now, help me up there. I've never seen the library from up there before."_

vvvvvv

"Young master? Gorgy brought some hot chocolate. How that sound, hm? Mixie make it especially for young master. Please try to have little sip, alright? Please?"

vvvvvv

"_What on earth are you so absorbed in this time? Oh, it's one of those horrible dark books, isn't it? Ew! Would you look at that picture? That's disgusting." She frowned as she brought the book closer to her face to scrutinize the picture better. "You know, I can't understand how you can look at these things all day, never mind actually enjoy looking at them."_

_Severus rolled his eyes and made a grab for his book. She lunged out of his reach and turned the page, still frowning at it. Finally, she sighed and snapped it shut, dismissing it. _

"_Disgusting." She sighed, waving a hand at it. Pushing herself up, she stood up and brushed her robe off. "Alright, help me down and then let's go."_

_Severus stared at her. He had been silently cursing at her for losing his page in the book, but then her last words registered. _

"_Go? Go where? I'm not going anywhere. I want to read."_

_She scowled and put her hands on her hips. "But I'm bored and you've already had hours to read that horrid book. I want to go do something."_

_Severus glared at her, knowing that it was useless to argue, since she'd just build up a head of steam and yell at him until he gave in. _

_He kept glaring while she patiently stared back at him, tapping her foot on the shelf and keeping one of her eyebrows raised. _

_Finally, he scowled and waved his wand at the book, sending it back down to its place on the shelf in the restricted section. _

"_Alright, fine, you stupid git. We'll go."_

vvvvvv

_She gasped and pointed upwards. "Oh, look at that cloud, Sev! It looks just like a unicorn! And that one beside it looks like a tea pot."_

_Severus frowned up at the sky. "I'm not seeing any bloody tea pot, Evans. I see something that looks more like a cat."_

"_A cat? Are you mad as well as blind? That's a tea pot!"_

vvvvvv

"Alright, Gorgy just leave hot chocolate here. There heating charm on it so it not get cold. Young master please try to have some, okay?"

vvvvvv

_She scowled. "What are you buried in this time?"_

_Severus glanced up. "Our werewolf essay."_

_Evans rolled her eyes. "That thing isn't due for ages."_

"_It's due tomorrow morning, Evans."_

_Her eyes widened. "What?"_

"_I told you to start it three days ago, didn't I?"_

_Evans scowled. "Oh, don't be my mother. I'll do it, I promise. I just don't feel like doing it right now. I'll get up half an hour before classes start and do it then."_

vvvvvv

_Evans threw her tight braid over her shoulder and curiously stared at the wriggling, hissing bush. _

"_Pixies? Really? Oh, can I see one? I've never seen any."_

_Severus sighed as Gorgon smoothered a smile. "Evans, we can't stop and gawk at every creature we stumble across, otherwise we'll only reach the clearing by dawn and then one of the teachers will notice we're missing and we'll both get into trouble."_

vvvvvv

"Does young master want Gorgy to stay here or go? Young master must please say something. Gorgy trying to help but young master not letting him."

vvvvvv

"_Sev! Wait! How am I supposed to get up? I need a stump or something."_

_Severus rolled his eyes and walked around Evans' Thestral. "Evans, only sissy's need stumps to climb onto a Thestral. If you're going to ride a Thestral, then you have to get on properly."_

_Nodding, Evans took a deep breath and quietly counted to three before swinging herself into the air—and promptly missing the Thestral entirely and landing with a hard thump on the clearing floor. _

_Severus sighed and bent down to help her up. Instead of bawling hysterically and whining that she didn't want to do this anymore, Evans was frowning darkly and brushed off her robe. Tossing a few loose strands of hair out of her face she gave him a determined nod. _

"_Alright, that was shit. Let's try it again."_

vvvvvv

_Severus scowled, not bothering to turn around and glare at her. "It's not my fault I don't like people, Evans."_

"_Aha, and what does that make me, exactly?"_

_Severus smoothered a small smile. "You don't want to know." He muttered, keeping his eye glued to his essay as he started writing another sentence. _

"_Hey!" Evans cried out before flinging one of his pillows at the back of his head._

vvvvvv

"_Oh! Sev, here you go! This one's for you." She tossed it onto his lap. _

_Severus stared at it with wide eyes and gently touched the wrapping. "You didn't have to get me anything, Evans." He mumbled. _

_She scowled and glanced at him while trying to decide what to open first. "Don't be ridiculous. Not only did you get me something, but of course I had to get my best friend something, you git."_

vvvvvv

The side of his bed dipped but he barely noticed. It must be Evans. After all, he was about to open his christmas present, wasn't he?

"Severus? I need to you try and eat something, child. You haven't eaten in days and you're losing weight."

vvvvvv

_The snowflakes slowly drifted down from the dark sky and the distant sounds of the snowball fight were barely distinguishable. They lay on their backs, staring up at the nightsky, snow clinging to their robes and hair. _

"_I—I want to be an auror, Sev."_

vvvvvv

_Lily's eyes widened and she stared at him. "You gave it back!" she cried, her voice ringing through the small room. _

_Severus nearly dropped his book as he glanced up at her and shrugged. "Yeah. So what? You can't really be surprised—"_

"_You're such a stupid git!" she yelled, interupting him. _

"_Evans, if you'll just shut up and let me explain—"_

"_Explain what? That you're a stupid git? Getting the badge isn't only an honor but it's a golden opportunity for you to finally make new friends and you've just thrown that all away!"_

vvvvvv

"_You want me to what?"_

_Evans sighed loudly and rolled her eyes. "Sev, it doesn't take that much courage or talent! Just run after her, say 'here, you dropped this' and she'll say 'thanks' and smile and then you can say what a pretty quill it is—"_

"_No, I can't!"_

"_What do you mean you can't? You just move your legs and open your mouth! Sev! It's ridiculous, I mean, how long have you had a crush on her? Hm, let's think back, uhm, oh, that's right, the middle of third year! And what are we in now, hm? Oh, yes, half way through fifth year! Sev, you have to make your move at some point!"_

"_Evans, you don't understand! I'll just freeze up and gape at her like an idiot and blush and she'll think I'm a freak!"_

"_Sev, you're such a whimp! Just take a deep breath and do it! We both know she's really nice and she likes you!"_

"_How the hell do you know that?"_

"_Come on, do you know any other Ravenclaw who smiles at a Slytherin whenever she sees him? Huh? Do you?"_

"_Well, no, but—"_

"_You see? All the pieces are here, you just have to put the first two together! It's so easy, just go and do it!"_

vvvvvv

"I know you're grieving, but you can't allow yourself to waste away like this. Please. Child, I want to help you. We all do. I know she's not here anymore but we are and we want to help you. At least tell me what you're thinking about."

A hand reached out and touched his shoulder. He didn't want a hand touching him. He was trying to muster up the courage to run after Lissandra and return her quill. He knew he couldn't do it but Evans so badly wanted him to try.

The hand was annoying him and he turned around, facing the wall and closing his eyes.

vvvvvv

_He sighed. "You know how damn hard this is for me. I don't trust people easily."_

_She smiled and then grabbed his chin and forced him to look at her. "And I swear to you that I'll never do anything to betray that trust. And mudbloods always keep their promises." She said, smiling._

_Severus snorted and rolled his eyes before slinging a cautious arm around her shoulders and leaning back against the wall. He sighed. "I'm going to hold you to that promise, Evans."_

"_You better, you git. We're friends for life, Sev and you can't get rid of me that easily."_

vvvvvv

"_Sev, listen to me. I know you hate yourself for making such a stupid mistake, and I'll admit, it was a stupid mistake, but you came back. And that's all that matters. You came back."_

vvvvvv

"_You irresponsible, reckless idiot! What would have happened if she wouldn't have caught you!" he yelled over, both of them slowly circling over the gorge. _

_Lily laughed, tossing strands of her hair over her shoulder. _

"_Oh, Sev! You'll never enjoy life if all you ever worry about is whether somebody will catch you or not! Sometimes you just have to leap and look later!"_

_He opened his mouth to retort something back, but before he could get a word out, she reached over, grabbed him and yanked him off Xira._

vvvvvv

A quiet sigh echoed behind his back. "Severus, you know where I am if you need someone to talk to. My door is always open, you know that. I'll be back in a few hours and I'll bring dinner, alright?"

vvvvvv

"_Evans, what are you doing?"_

"_You know what I wish, Sev?"_

"_What?"_

"_I wish I could find a way to bottle up sunshine and take it home with me and pour it all over my house so it would be sunny all the time."_

vvvvvv

_Lily glared at him. "You can do better than that, Sev! What's this about aurors stinking where it comes to duelling when compared to Death Eaters, huh?"_

_He narrowed his eyes. "I can't do this like I used to, Evans!"_

_She raised an eyebrow. "Your mind permanently muddled, is that it? Forgotten all the good curses, huh?"_

"_No."_

"_Then show me, damn it!"_

vvvvvv

_Lily crossed her arms, staring at him. "You're sure you want to do this, Sev?"_

_He glanced up, pulling his gloves on. He smiled faintly, trying to quell the fear in his stomach. "Yes, Evans."_

_She bit her lip and then nodded firmly. "Alright, but as soon as you get back here, you floo me faster than you can blink, understood?"_

_He nodded. With a tearful sigh, she pulled him into a fierce hug, nearly crushing him. _

"_Be careful, Sev, and always keep your eyes open, you hear?"_

vvvvvv

_He stared at her, some of his anger fading. "You don't blame me for what happened?"_

"_No, Sev. I don't. You did all you could. You can't win them all, Sev. Remember that, please. It'll destroy you otherwise."_

_He stared at her for a long while before he finally nodded. "Alright, fine. A mudblood knows best." A small trace of a smile curled his lips._

_She cuffed him hard in the arm and grinned at him. "Of course we do. You ought to tell Mister Red Eyes that. It might change his mind about this whole mess."_

_Severus snorted with quiet laughter. "Not bloody likely."_

"_No, probably not. Crazy people are difficult to talk to."_

"_Which is why I avoid talking to you as much as possible."_

vvvvvv

"Young master? Headmaster says he be back down soon for dinner. That good, no? Does young master want Gorgy to read to him? What book should Gorgy read? About jinxes? Young master always liked that one."

vvvvvv

"_It's been three years since I wrote a test!"_

_She waved a hand. "That doesn't matter. What matters is that you've been doing NEWT level things for the past three years, haven't you? It should be a piece of cake, Sev! All you had to do was read up on the few things you never learned and then you could write them."_

"_It's not that simple! First of all, I don't have the time to study for anything. I spend half my time here with you and the headmaster and the other half at the dark manor doing a million things everyday."_

"_I'd help you, Sev! I swear. I'll stay up all night if I have to."_

vvvvvv

"_Evans, slow down, damn it!"_

_She laughed and glanced over her shoulder at him, red hair flying around her as she urged Elixa into a faster gallop. _

"_What? Too slow for a someone trained to ride into battle on Thestrals? Sev, I'd be ashamed if I were you," she yelled back at him._

vvvvvv

_She laughed. "I know, I know. Don't even start with me. I need to take this seriously." She put on a serious frown and wiggled her eyebrows. "Very, very seriously."_

_He felt a smile creeping over his face despite his best efforts to hide it. _

"_There! See? I knew I could get a smile out of you."_

vvvvvv

"_Hang onto it for me and give it back to me when I see you again. Which will be sooner than you think, trust me."_

_He squeezed his hand around the small necklace. "Evans—"_

"_I'm not taking it back so don't even think about it. It's your insurance. You hold onto it for me until I can wear it again, alright?"_

vvvvvv

He clutched the little silver lion in his hand, not having released it since digging it out of his shoe where he had kept it hidden, transfigured as an extra shoelace.

vvvvvv

_She smoothed her robes and wiped the stray tears off her cheek. She smiled at him. "Sev, I'll always be with you, you know that, right? No matter what happens."_

_She grabbed him again and hugged him fiercely. "You be strong and smart, alright?"_

"_You too."_

"_And be safe."_

"_That goes double for you," he murmured._

_Finally they let each other go and she stepped towards the door. "I'll be back soon, Sev. You hold down the fort until then, alright?"_

_He nodded._

_She grinned as she opened the door behind her. "And keep that chin up. It's no good going through life tripping over your own nose."_

_He laughed. "Get out of here already."_

"_Fine then, be that way." She stuck her tongue out at him and threw a grin at him before walking through the door. "I'll see you soon, Sev."_

"_Yeah." He couldn't say anything else._

"_I'll see you soon….I'll see you soon…..I'll see you soon….."_

She wouldn't ever see him again. She was gone and he would never see her again. The lion's mane was digging into his palm.

_"You hold onto it for me until I can wear it again, alright?"_

Now what, Evans? What was he supposed to do with the necklace now? She would never wear it again, nor would she ever sit on his bed beside him doing homework, nor would she whirl around, demanding that somebody figure out a way to bottle sunshine.

He buried his face in his pillow, crying soundlessly, the ache in his chest nearly unbearable. She had been his sunshine, his laughter, his joy in the world, and now, there was nothing left. There was nothing he wanted or could do anymore. Not without her.

_"I'll see you soon…I'll see you soon…" _

"_Oh, look at that cloud, Sev! It looks just like a unicorn! And that one beside it looks like a tea pot."_

"_I'll be back soon, Sev."_

_Her hair flew over her shoulder as she shot him a grin. She was nearly through the door and he watched her move as if time had slowed. Her eyes sparked with mischief and a promise, a promise she hadn't been able to keep._

"_I'll see you soon…..I'll see you soon…..I'll see you soon……"_


	46. Chapter 46

Path of Shaded Light 

Chapter 46

'Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do for someone is letting them go.'

- Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul II

Nov. 22nd, 1981

Hogwarts School

"_Sevvie? Sevvie_?"

He listened to Bella's voice in his head but ignored her. He didn't have the energy to answer her but he didn't have the energy necessary to turn their bond off either.

"_Sevvie, I know you can hear me! Why won't you talk to me_?"

He rubbed the little lion between his fingers, staring at it.

Bella continued on as if she had decided that waiting for his acknowledgement of her presence was a lost cause.

"_Sevvie, I've had the most brilliant idea! I was sitting here thinking and I thought up something we all missed! Do you want to know what it is_?"

He rolled over in his bed, fighting back the tears he could feel were coming.

"_Shut up, Bella_!"

"_Sevvie, you have to listen! You promised me we'd go and find master and it's been weeks and you haven't said where we'd start looking_!"

He buried his face in his hands and tightened his hold on the necklace. He didn't care what Bella was talking about. It didn't matter. Nothing did.

"_Well, since you weren't making any plans, I was. That's what I've been doing a lot of thinking about, Sevvie! And guess what? I finally know where to look_!"

"_I don't care, Bella_!"

"_But Sevvie_!"

With tremendous effort, he turned off their bond and listened to her slamming her mind against the barrier he had put up. Eventually she'd give up, he knew that.

A small part of him wished that the magic binding the two of them would have disappeared like their marks had, but they had been bonded to each other, not the Dark Lord. Their telepathic bond was still there, as were the collars which Severus couldn't get off his neck no matter what he did. The magic binding them was stronger than the magic the Dark Lord has used to seal the collars.

Finally Bella gave up and Severus was left alone in his head again. He closed his eyes.

Nov. 23rd, 1981

Hogwarts School

He heard the small groan of his door being pushed open, but he ignored it. The one person he wanted to come bursting through that door wouldn't ever come again. The others didn't matter.

"Severus? I need to ask you something very important."

He felt the headmaster sitting down beside his bed but he didn't turn around. He rubbed the lion between his fingers.

"_Oh, look at that cloud, Sev! It looks just like a unicorn! And that one beside it looks like a tea pot."_

"This is very important, my boy. I know you don't much care for what's going on in our world at the moment, but I need to ask you something very important. Have you had any communcation with Bellatrix since Halloween?"

Severus wasn't going to respond, but the question struck him as curious and he shrugged.

"She's been bothering me nearly everyday," he mumbled into his pillow.

"Has she mentioned anything about going after anybody?"

"No."

"Did she have any particular plans concerning revenge after Tom's disappearance?"

He shrugged again. What the hell did it matter if Bella ranted and raved about things? She was always ranting and raving about something.

"Severus, this is very important. The Longbottoms were kidnapped last night and we don't have a single lead as to where they could have been taken."

He sighed. "They obviously aren't in the dark manor and that just about leaves anywhere else on earth for them to have been taken."

"Which is why I want to eliminate as many possibilities as I can. I know the Malfoys don't have them and several other Death Eaters have been eliminated as suspects as well, but we don't know where Bellatrix or her husband are. Do you know if Bellatrix could possibly be involved in this?"

He was about to shrug again, when something nagged at him. For the first time in weeks, he forced himself to think.

"She has been bothering me about trivial things for days—mostly nattering on about how she misses master and me—but yesterday she seemed very excited. She said she had an idea where master might be and she was very adament that I hear her out."

Dumbledore frowned. "Do you think she might have thought the Longbottoms might know where Tom went?"

Severus frowned and stared up at the ceiling, running the idea through his mind. The Longbottoms didn't have anything to do with master's disappearance, but since when had clear logic been a part of Bella's thinking? The Longbottoms had been the only other name left on the chart except for the Potters. In Bella's twisted mind, perhaps she had thought that the Longbottoms had formed a conspiracy with the Potters to defeat the Dark Lord. It made no sense. Which meant that Bella probably believed it.

Cautiously, he opened his bond.

"_Bella_?"

"_Sevvie? Oh, Sevvie! I'm so happy you're talking to me! I've missed you! I've had to go and carry out my plan all by myself. Well, not all by myself, but I so wanted you to come. You've nearly missed all the fun_!"

A cold feeling of dread ran down his back. "_What fun? Where are you_?"

"_I'm at my house, silly. And we have guests too! It's all so exciting but they're being very rude, Sevvie! They won't tell us anything at all_!"

He had to be careful. "_Really? Who are these rude people_?"

"_The Longbottoms, silly! Really, isn't it obvious? Do I have to do all the thinking around here now_?"

Severus sat up with a jerk and abruptly turned his bond off.

"Bella has them, sir. She's at the Lestrange manor and there's no telling how much more time the Longbottoms have."

"I'll send aurors over there right away."

Severus shook his head as he pushed himself up, feeling unbelievably drained by the simple act of standing up. Damn, he really had wasted away.

"Let me go, sir. I'll send Fawkes when I have everything under control. There's no telling what Bella will do if she thinks she's cornered and her plan is about to go down the drain, but she trusts me."

Reaching down, he stepped into his boots and headed for the door, knowing every moment he wasted was another moment of life the Longbottoms were losing.

"_Fawkes_!"

"_Severus_?"

"_Get down here at once_!"

Without waiting for an explanation, Fawkes apparated at Severus' side and transfigured himself into the sparkling red vial which Severus caught and put into his robe pocket as he hurried down the corridor towards the side entrance.

Along the way, he swore he heard a whisper in his head. "Hurry, Sev! Please hurry! It might already be too late!"

He started running, not caring that it was nearly winter and he wasn't wearing a cloak and he hadn't eaten properly in days. Evans' friends were in trouble. He had to get there in time. Not for himself, not for the headmaster, but for Evans.

XXXXXX

He was still gasping for breath when he apparated infront of the large manor. He had been here once or twice with Bella when she had to visit her in-laws and didn't want to go with only Rudolphus for company.

He quickly slashed through the wards the Lestranges had put up and hurried up the front steps and burst through the door, ignoring the surprised yelp of a house elf whom the door had smacked in the face.

"Bella!" he yelled, hurrying through the front foyer.

He heard a muffled squeal from upstairs and then Bella burst out of a room, nearly falling over the railing as she grinned down at him.

"Sevvie! I knew you would come! I knew you wouldn't leave me all alone!" She was flying down the stairs towards him and leapt on him, nearly causing them both to fall over. He momentarily felt relieved that she was looking well considering the circumstances. He had been afraid that master's absense would cause her to start neglecting herself like he had been doing.

She was already pulling on his arms, trying to drag him up the stairs. "Come see, Sevvie! Come see! I thought up such a good plan! You'll be so proud!"

As he tried to stumble after her, he took in the wildly proud gleam of triumph in her eyes and the fact that her hair, hands and face were streaked with dried blood. In itself, it wasn't surprising, but she had been clean when he had last seen her.

He forced himself to hurry. Bella jabbered on nonstop as she dragged him down an upstairs hallway and stopped before the bedroom. With a flourish, she threw him a huge grin and then threw the door open.

"Ta da!" she cried, flinging her arms wide open as she stepped into the room.

Severus' first instinct was to fall over from pure shock and horror, but that instinct quickly got pushed aside.

He quickly took in the scene, glad that Evans hadn't lived to witness this. That brought about the thought that if she had lived, none of this might have happened.

Alice Longbottom was lying naked face up on the bed, her arms tied to the headboard and the white sheets having been drenched in crimson blood. Frank was slumped over in a chair beside the bed, also tied down and the carpet beneath the chair soaked in blood. Blood was everywhere in the room, it ran down the walls, soaked the carpet and covered the mirror on the nightstand.

Sitting on another chair and reading a magazine was Rudolphus Lestrange. Beside him stood Rabastan, a glass of whisky in his hands and sitting on the bed beside Alice Longbottom, leering down at her was Barty Crouch.

All three of them turned to stare at him as soon as the door was thrown open, but Severus reacted before any of them could. He quickly shot three strong stunners at them, using his hands and non verbalizing the spell so they couldn't anticipate or block it.

"Hey!" Bella stuck her lower lip out as she put her hands on her hips. "Why did you do that, Sevvie? They would have let you have a turn, but anyway, I don't even see why you want a turn, you never usually do!"

Severus stepped up to the bed and pulled Barty's limp form off Alice and stared down at the unmoving young woman. Her blond hair had been pulled out and lay in weird patterns all over her body and the bed. Blood ran down her face from her eyes and nose and dripped onto the blood stained sheets beneath her. The rest of her body was covered in cuts and mutilations, strips of missing skin and strange burn marks which resembled the squiggly lines Bella always organized her cocaine into before snorting it. The physical injuries beside, Severus stared into her eyes. Where he should have seen a faint glimmer of pain, perhaps pride or defiance, he saw nothing.

For a moment he thought he was too late and he pressed a finger to her throat, feeling the faint thudding of a pulse. She was alive. Her mind wasn't.

"_Fawkes, tell the headmaster to send aurors and healers right away. Tell him that the wards are down and there are no other threats in the house_."

"_On my way_."

He hurried around the bed and pushed up Frank's dropping head. One of his eyes had been gouged out and his body had been mutilated the same way his wife's had. Just like Alice, his one remaining eye was empty of all emotion or sanity. He had seen enough people in the dark manor tortured to this extent to know that their minds were gone. Probably forever.

"What did you do?" he whispered, feeling sick.

"What do you mean, Sevvie?"

He gently released Frank's head and turned to Bella, who was frowning at him, obviously confused.

"What did you do, you crazy, stupid bitch?" His voice rose until he was screaming.

Bella frowned even harder. "Don't you get the plan, Sevvie? It was perfect. Perfect. You told me to always think things through properly and I did. I came up with the perfect plan."

"The perfect plan? The perfect plan?" he laughed outloud before raged consumed him again. "How the hell is this a plan of any sort, Bella! They had nothing to do with master's disappearance! Nothing! And look what you did to them!"

There was an angry glint in Bella's eye and she lifted her chin stubbornly. "Yes, they did, Sevvie! Don't you see? That's why my plan was so brilliant because not even you figured it out yet!"

"Figured what out!" He was still screaming but couldn't seem to lower his voice. He wanted to start crying from sheer rage. How could Bella do this? How could Bella destroy two innocent lives and be confused as to why he didn't think it was appropriate?

"The Longbottoms were the only other ones on the list, Sevvie!" She spoke slowly as if trying to explain it to a hyperactive two year old.

"So?"

"So, they and the Potters plotted together to hide master somewhere when he went to the Potters. Don't you see? The Potters hid master away and then killed themselves so they wouldn't be able to tell anybody where they were but the Longbottoms thought nobody would figure it out, right? They thought nobody would be smart enough to see through their scheme, but I did!" She jabbed her finger into her chest. "I did! And I decided to do something about it before they could get away! I tried to force them to tell me but they wouldn't!"

"It's because they don't know anything, Bella! This crazy shit is all in your head!"

"No, no, it's not, Sevvie! They know something but they were being mean and wouldn't tell me so I had to force them to tell me! Don't you see, Sevvie? Master will be so upset if he finds out that I had them right here but I couldn't get to tell me where he is!"

She stared at Severus, her face imploring him to please understand her, all traces of anger gone.

Severus clenched his fists and wanted to beat her to death. "You nearly tortured them to death, Bella! Their minds are gone! Whatever they know now, they'll never be able to tell anybody anything! Asides from that, they didn't know anything! Do you understand that? They were innocent people in this mess and you hurt them for no reason!" He was still bellowing and when she just stared at him, sniffing and tears streaming down her face, he grabbed her shoulders and shook her so hard that he thought her neck might break.

"You are stupid, insane shit, Bella!" He threw her away from him and she landed on the floor with a cry. She didn't get back up and just sat there, sprawled out on the floor and crying.

"Sevvie, please don't be angry with me! I tried telling you earlier, didn't I? I asked them to wait for you before they started, but they wouldn't listen! I wanted to share, I really did!" She sobbed.

He grabbed his hair and barely restrained himself from throwing her out the window.

"You stupid, stupid bitch!" He yelled.

He turned away from her, not able to look at her any longer. He didn't know what angered him more; what she had done or the fact that she didn't understand why it had been wrong and would never feel any remorse for it.

"You can still have a turn, Sevvie! Please don't be angry with me! I was doing what master would have wanted me to do! I explained that to them but they didn't understand! I tried explaining, I really did. I told them I had to, I just had to for master but they still wouldn't tell me!"

He squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his jaw. He was dangerously close to tears. If things would have been reversed, it would be Evans on that bed and not Alice.

"Why are you angry, Sevvie? I told you you could have a turn! I'll tell Barty and the others that you are to have a turn now and they won't bother you about it, I promise! If they do, I'll throw them out. Is that okay, Sevvie? Is that alright? Are you still angry?"

He drew in a deep breath. Slowly, he turned back to Bella. She still sat there, her nose and eyes streaming and such anguish on her face that one would have thought she had been the one to find her relatives tortured into insanity, and hadn't been the cause of it.

But no. Bella was upset because he was angry and she wouldn't ever understand why. Being angry with her or hating her wouldn't change that.

"No, I'm not angry anymore, Bella. I lost my temper."

She wiped her nose with her sleeve and sniffed a few times. "You were really very mean to me and I did think my plan through, I did!"

He sighed. "I know you did."

The aurors would be here any minute. He knew he couldn't be here when they got here but what the hell could he do with Bella?

He stared at her for a long moment as she leaned back on her elbows on the floor, humming to herself and wiggling her toes, already having forgotten about the other people in the room.

He knew what he had to do. Whether she had meant the Longbottoms any harm or not, the fact was that she had harmed them. Greatly. And she knew she had. She knew that. Severus knew that she understood that.

And she would have to be punished for that crime. It didn't matter why she had done it, it mattered that she had done it. At least, that was how the courts would see it.

He slowly crouched down before her and gently pushed a strand of hair out of her face.

"Bella, you have to listen to me very carefully, alright?"

"Okay," she smiled at him brightly, glad that he was talking to her again.

"You did a very bad thing today, alright? I know you did it for a good reason, but you really hurt these people, right?"

"Yeah. I didn't mean to and I said I was sorry, Sevvie. I really did. I even told Barty to say thank you to her when he was finished with her."

"Right. Well, you know that master always thought it was alright to do these things, right?"

"Uh hu. Sevvie, do you want to hear my new song?"

"Not right now, Bella, you have to listen, remember, you said you would."

"Right. Sorry. Bella's listening." She sat straight up, crossed her legs and pulled her ears forward with her fingers and frowned hard, obviously to show him that she meant it this time.

"Well, master's gone away for a while and while he's gone, we have to listen to the ministry's rules, alright? And they don't approve of things like this. They will want you to be punished for it."

She frowned. "But I'll explain why I did it and they'll see, right?"

"Probably not, Bella. They don't think the way we do. It's why master never liked them, you know that."

"Then I just won't listen to their rules."

"You have to. If you don't, they'll kill you. And I can't lose you, you know that, right?"

"Yeah."

"So you have to listen to them and if they say you have to be locked up or go to some hospital, then you have to go, alright?"

She bit her lip. "But it sounds scary, Sevvie."

"I know, but I'll be with you all the time, you know that." He reached up and tapped her on the side of the head. "We went into this together, and we go out of it together."

"It's not over, is it, Sevvie? Master's coming back, right?"

"Yeah, he is, so we have to stick together and be strong, alright?"

"Okay."

"Now, I don't want you to be scared. I also don't want you to let them hurt you, alright? You have to be a strong fighter. They're going to say things about master that you won't like, but you just tell them that they're wrong."

"And-and it doesn't matter what they say because I know all about master better then they do, right?"

"Of course you do. But if they don't believe you, then just ignore them. They don't understand."

"Poor, poor people."

"They are." He searched her face and saw that she had calmed down enough. He gently pulled her up. "Alright. I have to go, but I'll be with you everyday, you know that."

She nodded firmly and threw her arms around him and kissed him on the cheek. He pulled her closer, feeling a lump in his throat. He had already lost his best friend. He couldn't lose the only other person he had ever considered a true friend.

He took a deep breath and let her go. "Okay. You just sit here on the floor and put your wand down in front of you and wait for them to come. Don't struggle, don't fight, just go with them quietly, okay? Don't make them hurt you."

"Okay. I'll be really nice to the ministry auror guest people."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

He stepped away from her, her still grinning at him, excited by the thought of people coming to visit her.

A part of him screamed to just grab her, disapparate and hide somewhere, but he knew that was no way to deal with things. They had nowhere to go, either of them. And Bella had to pay for what she had done. Maybe, she would be able to get the help she needed or one day grow to once again know right from wrong in this world.

She waved to him as he stepped back another step.

"Bye, Sevvie! I'll hum you the new song in a few minutes, okay?"

"Okay."

He made sure the other three were still stunned and then disapparated.

XXXXXX

Bella slowly sat down on the floor and carefully put her wand on the floor in front of her. She frowned at it for a moment, before she looked up at Frank.

"Would you like to hold my wand for me? Sevvie said I shouldn't play with it any more but he never said you couldn't, did he?"

She stared at him for a moment then got up and gently pushed her wand into Frank's limp hands. Grinning at him, she clapped her hands, delighted to be sharing her toys. Sevvie would be so proud of her if he knew. Sharing was important and polite, he had taught her that.

Then she quickly went back to sit on the floor. She glanced over the edge of the bed at Alice's limp body. "I was going to hum the song for Sevvie in my head, but if you want to hear it too, I can hum it for you too. Would you like that?"

Grinning and nearly trembling from excitement, she crossed her legs, cleared her throat and started.

She heard the front door being blasted open and giggled happily. The ministry auror guest people would be able to hear her song too! They would be so impressed that she was sharing it with them!

She kept humming, eagerly awaiting for her new friends to come up the stairs.


	47. Chapter 47

Path of Shaded Light 

Chapter 47

'I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known. Don't know where it goes, but it's home to me and I walk alone. I walk this empty street on the Boulevard of Broken Dreams, where the city sleeps and I'm the only one and I walk alone. My shadow's the only one that walks beside me. My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating. Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me, 'til then I walk alone.'

- 'Boulevard of Broken Dreams' by Green Day

Nov. 26th, 1981

Hogwarts School

"_Sevvie, Sevvie, there are rats in here_."

He sighed, staring up at the ceiling of his room. "_Either introduce yourselves to them and be polite or ignore them_."

It had been like this for the past three days since Bella, Barty, Rudolphus and Rabastan had been arrested and taken to Azkaban. They had already been interrogated and unsurprisingly Bella had admitted to the whole thing, eagerly trying to explain herself and then getting angry when the MLE officials started yelling at her and insulting her. Severus had let her carry on until she had started screaming at them that master would come back soon and kill them all. They had stunned her and thrown her into a cell, keeping her bound and telling her they wouldn't undo the restraints until she calmed down. Severus had finally gotten it through her head that if she didn't want to spend the rest of her life with her arms tied behind her back then she couldn't say things like that, but she had just started crying and lamenting the fact that they didn't understand and she hadn't wanted to be mean.

Also unsurprisingly, Rabastan and Barty had flatly denied the whole thing, making up grand excuses of having been put under the imperius curse and having been forced to torture the Longbottoms. Barty even went as far as to say he had tried to smuggle the Longbottoms out. Their defense had been shot down immediately by Bella's long and very descriptive narrative concerning the hours during which Barty repeatedly raped Alice and Rabastan had forced Frank to watch and gouged his eye out when Frank had spat on him. Giving them veritaserum had also resulted in Bella's version of events being believed. Rudolphus had shrugged, admitted to it and then stared at the MLE officials, obviously waiting for them to move on to something else.

Their trail was set to be in a month time, during which all of them would remain incarcerated.

"_Sevvie, a rat just bit me and guess what I did_?"

"_What_?"

"_I grabbed it with my teeth and bit it back. That'll teach it, won't it_?"

"_Sure, Bella_."

Honestly, he couldn't bring himself to care. After he had gotten back from the Lestranges, he had immediately asked Gorgon to floo Evans and tell her what had happened since she would want to meet the Longbottoms at St. Mungo's. He hadn't realized his mistake until his elf had given him a sad look, and then everything had come back and hit him full force.

He had slipped back into his depression immediately after and gone back to his room where he had stayed.

His good deed was done as far as he was concerned. He had gotten four Death Eaters caught and he had no idea where the other ones were and he honestly couldn't really get himself to care.

The war was over, master was gone and Evans was gone. There was nothing more for him to do and there was nothing more he wanted to do.

He slowly closed his eyes, holding the lion necklace in his hands. He wondered how long it would take him to starve to death without anybody noticing, but his elf would probably force feed him until he was a hundred. Oh, well. He'd grow old lying in his bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking of snowball fights, trips to Hogsmeade and opening Christmas presents.

He heard the creak of his door opening but he didn't open his eyes. It didn't matter who it was.

"Severus?"

He didn't respond.

"I have just received a disturbing piece of information from Azkaban. One of our sources say that Barty Crouch has started selling names in the hopes of getting some leniency at his trail."

For a moment he thought the headmaster was talking to somebody else because he didn't care about Barty and what he was doing.

"Severus, are you paying attention?"

He made some sort of noise, hoping it would create the impression that he was.

He felt the headmaster crouching down beside his bed.

"Barty named you as a Death Eater, my boy. The aurors have already started hunting for you. Now, I can keep you save down here but I would like to put up some additional wards for the time being, alright? I have also asked Gorgon to—"

He stopped paying attention and turned over to face the wall. So Barty had talked. Big surprise. And aurors were looking for him. Again, a big surprise.

He pulled his blanket over his shoulders. He was tired again.

"Severus, please try to pay attention. It's imperative for your—"

"I'm rather tired right now, headmaster. I would like to sleep now," he mumbled, closing his eyes.

He heard a sigh from behind him and then felt a hand on his shoulder before he heard the old man standing up and walking out, gently shutting the door behind him. He felt tingles of magic creeping over him and knew the headmaster was putting up additional wards concealing the room's entrance.

He was so very tired. He would sleep some more and then…then probably sleep some more. Nothing else really interested him or mattered.

Maybe he would dream of sitting on a stairway with Evans beside him, talking about Thestrals for the first time. Or maybe he would dream about staring up at the clouds, Evans beside him, her red hair and laughter whipping through the wind.

Or maybe he would dream the dream he liked the most. The one where he was lying in his bed, staring up at the ceiling and the door would burst open and Evans would be standing there, laughing and saying how gullible he was and didn't he trust by now that she wouldn't ever die and leave him all alone?

He eagerly felt himself slipping into the embrace of his dreams, the only time he was in a world he wanted to be in.

Nov. 27th, 1981

Hogwarts School

He rolled over and stared at his desk, on which Nadia Geller was sitting, swinging her legs back and forth. She saw him staring at her and she gave him a faint smile.

He propped his head up on his hands and looked at her.

He had dreamed about her in his dreams. Vera and Katie Powell and the twins had been there too.

And Evans.

They had all stood in a circle around him, staring at him with anger flashing in their eyes. They hadn't said a word as he asked them over and over again why they were angry with him until finally Evans had stepped forward. "How is it fair that the likes of you never have to pay for your crimes?"

He had opened his mouth to defend himself, but then realized he couldn't say anything in his defense. It was true. The headmaster was doing his best to keep him hidden from the aurors. From justice.

"I always tried to keep you safe, Evans," he had murmured, trying to at least get her to understand that.

She glared at him and pointed at the other silent figures standing behind her. "If you tried to keep us safe then why are we all dead? You're a murderer, Sev! And you know where murderers should rot, don't you?"

He knew.

He kept staring at Nadia for a while longer. A part of him was a bit confused that she wasn't glaring at him like she had been in his dreams, but it didn't matter.

He knew what he had to do now. There was nothing left for him here except to pay for his crimes and all the wrongs he had done. It was the only way Nadia, Vera, Evans and all the others would ever forgive him, if they ever would. Probably not. He didn't think they should. He couldn't just waste away and die without having paid for what he had done to them all. That wasn't fair.

He lay there, quietly thinking his plan through. He couldn't risk getting caught here and getting the headmaster into trouble, and he also had to make sure his elf couldn't follow him to Azkaban for crimes he hadn't committed.

Slowly, he pushed himself up and called for his elf. Moments later, Gorgon appeared, worry etched on his face.

"What is it, young master? What wrong?"

"Gorgon, you've always obeyed every command I have ever given you."

His elf frowned, trying to keep his mind ahead of the conversation and trying to guess what he was after. Severus couldn't allow him to figure it out.

"I am ordering you to stay here at Hogwarts no matter what happens to me. I am ordering you to obey the headmaster's wishes and I am ordering you not to follow me."

His elf's eyes had grown huge. "What young master saying?" he breathed, hardly believing his ears.

"I am ordering you not to follow me and never to come looking for me and you are not allowed to tell anybody that I'm gone."

His elf stared at him, his mind working frantically until finally, horrid comprehension dawned on his face. "No! No! Young master not meaning that! Young master not going to turn himself in for crime he not do! Young master not doing that."

"I have to pay for what I've done, Gorgon."

The old elf drew himself up. "Then Gorgy goes with young master! Gorgy confesses to all same crimes and get same sentence!"

"No, Gorgon. I've dragged you through every mess I've ever made my entire life but I'm not dragging you to Azkaban. You deserve better and you'll get that here."

His elf was shaking his head frantically. "No, no, no, Gorgy been bad elf, bad elf! Gorgy must pay for crimes, have to go with young master."

"Gorgon, I am ordering you not to come near Azkaban, not to turn yourself in to any ministry official or anybody else who might turn you over to the ministry."

Tears were streaming down his elf's face and he looked ready to forcibly stun Severus or lock him in his room, but Severus reacted faster.

He stunned the old elf and caught him as he swayed and nearly fell over.

Severus gently lowered his still body onto his bed and covered him with his blanket. He kissed his cheek and made sure he was comfortable.

"Thank you for everything, Gorgon. I hope you can now live the life you've truly deserved. I love you and for what it's worth, you always tried to keep the darkness out of my soul. It's not your fault it stayed," he whispered into the elf's ear.

He pushed himself up and turned to his desk. He opened the bottom drawer and hid the lion necklace in the back corner of it. He reached up to his neck and carefully pulled Slytherin's medallion off and put that beside the necklace and then gently slid it shut.

Then he quietly walked out of the room, giving his elf one last look. He would be better off without him, he knew that. They all would.

He shut the door, put the wards back up and made his way out of the castle, keeping a careful look out for the headmaster or any of the other elves who might stop him.

XXXXXX

He swirled the cold tea in his coffee cup, staring at the brown liquid before glancing up and checking on the other people sitting in the small diner. He'd chosen a place right down the street from where the ministry was located, knowing that a lot of wizards and witches frequented it.

He made brief eye contact with a woman sitting with her children, but she looked right through him, obviously not recognizing him. The next table's occupants didn't even look up, but he had luck at the next table. Two older men were sitting there, drinking a beer and one of them glanced at him and frowned.

He leaned forward and said something to his companion, who turned and stared at Severus. Severus looked away from them and back into his cup of tea, trying to seem as if the men were being discreet with their staring. If he were a fugitive who didn't want to be caught, he would already be out the diner by now.

The two men leaned towards each other and quietly discussed something before one of them slid out of the booth and hurried towards the door. His partner scurried around to the other side of the table so he could keep Severus in his line of vision and Severus could see him pull his wand out underneath the table.

He snorted quietly. Ruddy amateurs. He hadn't even made those elementary mistakes when he had been ten, never mind now.

He waited and slid his cup back and forth on the table, keeping a discreet watch out the window, waiting for the man to come back with reinforcements.

Sure enough, a small group of people came hurrying down the street through the snow. Leading the group was the man from the diner, who was gesturing wildly and was grinning, obviously thinking about the reward money he and his friend would soon be sharing. The three people behind him looked very serious and kept their hands in their coat pockets, presumably on their wands as they walked. Even though they were all wearing ministry issue muggle winter coats, the hems of their blue auror robes could still be seen.

They entered the diner and Severus looked back down at his cup. He amused himself by thinking up how many different times he could have already escaped their grasp before they even reached his table.

One of the aurors put a hand on the man's arm and quietly spoke to him, at which the man grimaced in disappointment and slunk off to sit back with his friend, both of them throwing all pretense to the wind and eagerly staring at Severus.

The aurors walked up to his table and Severus slowly glanced up at them. He didn't say anything and they tensed, obviously thinking he would fight them.

"Are you Severus Snape?" one of the asked quietly.

Severus nodded. "Yes, I am."

The aurors frowned at him as if afraid that he was planning on blowing himself and them up any moment, but then decided to stick to routine.

"We are placing you under arrest on charges of being a known Death Eater, murder and conspiracy to act against the government. You will surrender your wand now and quietly come with us or we will take you by force. It would be most advisable not to make a scene, Mr. Snape."

He pulled out his wand and slowly placed it on the table top. One of the aurors cautiously reached a hand to pick it up and his wand trembled but he glared at it, and it calmed enough for her to pick it up without problems.

Another auror flicked their wand tip at him and he felt his arms being restrained behind his back and felt a shield tingling around him, probably to block any spell he could attempt or to stop disapparation attempts.

He stood up and calmly waited until one of them nodded his chin at the far door and he calmly walked through the diner with them.

They kept tightly pressed around him, their wand tips pointed at him the whole time while one of them was muttering his rights at him under her breath.

He didn't pay attention. He didn't care about his rights or where he was going. His life was over. It had ended the moment the headmaster had told him Evans was dead. All that was left now was for him to pay for his crimes.

He felt Nadia and the other ghosts drifting after him and knew they were probably smiling at him, eager for their revenge.

He wondered if Evans could see him now and if she was smiling too. Probably. After all, he had killed her as surely as if he had pointed a wand at her himself and uttered the killing curse.


	48. Chapter 48

Path of Shaded Light

Chapter 48

Author's Note: Happy new year everybody! Thank you for the awesome reviews and a special note of gratitude to anonymous reviewers, since I can't respond to you personally. I'm glad everybody liked the last part and is worried about our Sev. He's not doing so well at the moment and this next chapter won't make things any easier, but that's the way life goes. I hope everybody enjoys Azkaban J. Have fun reading and drop me a little note on how you liked it!

'Do you ever want to run away? Do you lock yourself in your room? With the radio turned up so loud that no one hears you screaming? No, you don't know what it's like, when nothing feels alright, you don't know what it's like to be like me. To be hurt, to feel lost, to be left out in the dark, to be kicked when you're down, to feel like you've been pushed around, to be on the edge of breaking down and no one's there to save you. No, you don't know what it's like, welcome to my life.'

- 'Welcome to my Life' by Simple Plan

XXXXXX

One of his auror escorts had contacted Azkaban to inform them of his arrival so the guards had lowered the wards around the prison and the aurors had apparated him straight to the front foyer of the prison.

He glanced around himself with little interest and followed his auror escorts down the hallway. The place was lighter than the dark manor had been and the walls were grey instead of black, but the place had a dreary, musty look and smell about it, probably from the constant sea spray seeping into the rocks of the prison and allowing bacteria and algae to fester in the cracks.

He could feel the cold seep into his bones as he walked and could feel a faint headache coming on.

Dementors. He could feel them even if he couldn't see them. He had thought that he would become more accustomed to the creatures presences over the months that they had been allied but he had always felt cold, nauseous and overwhelmed with bad memories whenever they had come too close. He would probably end up passing out if they got their hands on him but he didn't care. It would just end this quicker.

He was led down a short hallway and into a side room where he was scanned head to toe for any hidden weapons. They immediately detected the collar which he had put an invisibility charm around. That started a long and tiring hour during which they insisted trying to remove it themselves (to no avail) and then insisting that he remove it himself, which also ended up with no results. Over and over again, he said that it wasn't a weapon and couldn't be used as one and that the magic within the collar wouldn't fade until he died. They seemed to accept this after grumbling amongst each other. Severus swore he heard Bella's name being mentioned and knew that she had probably gone through the whole routine as well. He guessed that she had also lied and told them that the only way to remove it was to kill her. In truth, Severus knew that telling them that killing Bella would get the collar off both of them might prove to be detrimental to Bella's health. After they finally gave up on poking his neck, they took pictures of him from every angle, captured and recorded an impression of his magical signature and wrote down a description of his physical characteristics.

When they were done, he was lead out and down the hallway and into one of the many interrogation rooms the prison had. He was pushed into the chair facing the door and immediately, gold chains snaked around his wrists and legs, keeping him trapped. He could feel another surge of magic around him as a new shielding charm was erected around him, again preventing him from trying to break free or attack his captors.

There was a window beside him but he knew from the strange color of the ocean that it wasn't really a window but merely a projection conjured onto the wall. The prison didn't have any windows except for these illusions. Windows would be just another escape route the guards would have to watch so they didn't bother creating any.

He was left alone for quite a while. He lowered his head and tried to will his headache away and realized how tired he was. All he wanted to do was curl on on the floor somewhere and sleep. Why they put him into an interrogation chamber was beyond him. He didn't have anything to hide and he was going to admit to everything and get this over with. He just wanted to curl up in a cell and let the Dementors either drive him insane or seep the life out of him.

He was nearly asleep when the door opened again and two aurors walked in, flanked by three Dementors who positioned themselves around the room, ready to grab him if he got out of hand.

The aurors were shuffling papers around and one of them went to a desk tucked into the corner and set a long scroll of blank parchment and an auto-quill onto its surface.

"Testing, testing…This is Auror Meekle." The auror watched the quill scribble onto the parchment before he nodded, Vanished the words and then stepped back.

His partner saw his nod and then cleared his throat and stepped in front of Severus. The aurors both looked exhausted and Severus could hardly blame them. They must have been doing more paperwork and interrogating more people than they had their entire lives.

"Alright, let's begin. This is interrogation number one alpha of suspected Death Eater Severus Snape. Witnessing the interrogation are Auror David Meekle and Auror Markus Finney."

That was the point where Severus started drifting off, hardly paying attention to what was going on around him, never mind what was asked of him. All he was aware of was how tired he was and how badly his head was hurting. He just wanted to lie down and sleep.

"Your name is Severus Snape."

"Yes."

"You are twenty years of age."

"Yes."

"Do you admit to serving You-Know-Who as a faithful Death Eater?"

"Yes."

"How long were you in his service?"

"For about three and a half years."

"You were initiated on what day?"

"I don't remember the exact date."

"I have sources indicating that they believe the date was June 22nd, 1978. Is this correct?"

"Yes."

"What were your duties?"

"I was his Potions Master."

"What were your specific duties?"

"I made potions."

"What kind of potions?"

"Poisons, medicines, drugs, all kinds."

"How many people died or suffered as a result of your potions?"

"I don't know."

"What were the names of the people you know died or suffered because of your potions?"

"I don't know. There were many."

"So you don't deny contributing to You-Know-Who's mass genocide by the use of your potions?"

"No. I gave them potions and they died."

"You meant to kill them."

"Yes." He was getting so tired of the man harping on this subject. He remembered the many mothers who had been so near death and whose babies he had tried so hard to rescue. Of course he had to slip them something to make their passage into death quicker and took away their pain. Why was the man not understanding this?

The man shuffled with his papers for a while before starting again.

"You were witnessed killing a witch named Vera Powell and her daughter Katie Powell on January 13th, 1980. Do you deny killing them?"

"No."

"Why did you kill them?"

"Master told me to."

"You were also witnessed killing Marlene and John McKinnon on April 30th, 1979. Do you deny killing them?"

"No."

"Why did you kill them?"

"Master told me to."

"You were also witnessed killing twelve muggle children including Rebecca and Jenny Jones and Braden and Matthew Caughly on August 15th, 1979. Do you deny killing them?"

"No."

"Why did you kill them?"

"Master told me to."

The list went on and on. Barty must have kept careful record of nearly every person who passed in Severus' line of vision at the manor over the years. He recognized most of the names and remembered most of the dates but some he didn't recall ever having seen, never mind having killed them, but it was easier to just say yes. Otherwise they would start yelling at him and making a fuss and he was too tired to fight with them about it. He did find if curious that nobody mentioned Nadia. So just before the interrogation was set to end, Severus calmly said that he had killed Nadia Geller as well, on June 29th, 1979. The auror stared at him for a moment before quickly scribbling it down.

When the auror started shuffling around his papers again, Severus knew he couldn't let him go without admitting to the worst crime of all.

"I also killed Lily Evans. Well, Lily Potter. On Oct. 31st, 1981."

The aurors were both staring at him and couldn't quite mask their confusion. Auror Finney cleared his throat and stared at him.

"Our sources indicate that there were no known Death Eaters in the area except for You-Know-Who the night the Potters were killed."

Severus blinked, trying to stay awake. He couldn't fall asleep now. He had to make sure he got this point across and that they believed him.

"I killed Lily Evans. On Oct. 31st, 1981."

"You are absolutely certain you were there?"

"I killed Lily Evans. On Oct. 31st, 1981."

The men in the room exchanged another worried look, before Finney shrugged and went to collect the parchment onto which Severus' full confession had been recorded.

"You will be kept in custody until your sentencing hearing at which your fate will be decided."

He didn't respond. He felt the chains sliding off his wrists and ankles and he was pulled up to his feet and shuffled out the door before the Dementors and a human guard who had shown up, his arms magically pinned behind his back again.

He was lead down a long corridor and down long flights of stairs. As he kept getting lower and lower, he realized he was going down to the lowest levels where the most vicious and dangerous criminals were kept. The cells in the upper levels had cots, a sink and toilet and had windows projected onto the walls. These cells were for people charged with minor infractions.

The cells in the lower levels were the ones where the worst of wizarding kind were kept. The hallway was pitch black and the small glow of the guard's torche was the only source of light. Severus blinked a few times to allow his eyes to adjust to the darkness, but it really didn't bother him. As they walked, the guard told him the basic rules. He would be fed once a day and the food would appear on a tray by the door and it would Vanish in an hour's time so if he was planning on eating that day, he better get to it before that hour was up. There would be a permanent shield surrounding the cell which would give him a 'mild shock' whenever he attempted any wandless magic inside it and if he was caught trying to do any magic more than three times, he would be kept in magical restraints even while in his cell. There was a small bowl which was for 'bodily excrements' and would be emptied once a day magically. If he missed the bowl or decided to be an irritation by fouling up the rest of his cell, the only one who would have to suffer would him since the cell was never cleaned and nobody entered it except for the guards if he had visitors. It would be his choice to decide what kind of sanitary conditions he wanted to live in.

They passed by many small doors until they stopped at one. A Dementor was standing by the door and with a wave of its hand, the door swung open with a groan.

"Get in."

Severus was pushed into the dark room and fell to his knees. As soon as he landed, he felt the magic binding his arms being released and he heard the door slam, leaving him in complete darkness. That familiar tingle of magic told him that the shield had been put up.

The first thing he noticed was the cold. They were deeply under ground and surrounding the cold rock in which the lower level was dug was a freezing cold ocean. The cold seeped into the prison walls and floors every moment of every day. He pushed himself onto his feet and started exploring his dark little hole.

It turned out to be completely bare except for a small bowl in the corner. He slowly moved into the furthest corner from the door and then curled up on the floor. He didn't mind the hard floor as much as he should and he hardly felt the cold after a few minutes. All he knew was that he was really tired.

He closed his eyes and allowed himself to fall asleep, ready to start his first night in the small dark hole he would spend the rest of his life in.

Dec. 2nd, 1981

Azkaban Prison

He didn't bother opening his eyes when he felt the tingle of magic seeping over his skin. He knew without looking that his food had arrived on the tray. After a moment or two, he slowly pushed himself up and crawled across the floor to the tray. He barely saw the outline of the bread and the glass of water in the darkness. He felt hungry but as soon as he raised a bit of the bread to his mouth, he felt like throwing up so he put it down again. He knew he was slowly starving to death but couldn't get himself to care. He lowered the bread again after attempting to eat another small bite again. Instead, he sipped the lukewarm water and drained the cup before setting it back onto the tray. Then he crawled back into his corner and closed his eyes again.

He wouldn't get up again until he had to use the small bowl in the other corner. He had no idea what time it was or how much time had gone by. The dark was constant and nobody ever came to check on him. He could feel the Dementors patrolling the outside corridors. They could sense if somebody was dead and only then would the cell door be opened and the body removed.

The only way Severus had to determine how much time had possibly gone by was by the appearance of his food or the emptying of his bowl. But keeping count had seemed a waste of time and he had stopped after the first day. He kept his bond firmly closed and refused to talk to Bella, even though she had gotten so excited by him being near her and was quite upset that he was refusing to talk to her.

He curled up on the cold floor, pulling his robe closer around himself. He would stare blankly into the darkness surrounding him or keep his eyes closed for the many empty hours that stretched between having to relieve himself or drink some water.

His mind moved slowly through the hours and the images which slowly moved past his eyes were shrouded in fog. At times he thought of his elf, his shadowy figure smiling sadly at him and trying to say something to him but Severus could never make out what it was. Other people also moved past him in this fog. The headmaster. His mother. Bella. Master.

And always, a laughing red-head would appear in the fog, twirling around, her hair flying around her as she laughed. She would sometimes face him and say something but he could never hear her. It didn't end up mattering because she always spun out of sight, her laughter being the only sound echoing in his mind.

Other times the Dementors presence in the corridor outside his cell would twist these images into horrifying nightmares.

Screams filled his mind as images of bloody, mutilated bodies flew past him, all of them wearing faces he recognized. He saw the twins, Nadia, Vera, Katie, Gracey Craven and her parents, the Longbottoms, Evans and so many others writhing in horrifying pain on the ground, blood pouring from their eyes and deep cuts on their bodies, tears streaming down their faces as they screamed and begged for mercy. The images whirled faster and faster in Severus' mind until he couldn't determine which of them had actually died horrifying deaths and which ones were still alive.

His head would start burning with pain after a few moments and he would just manage to pull himself over to his bowl in time to vomit the bit of water he had managed to drink back up before collapsing beside it, his head throbbing and the screams and flashes of pain and torture constantly revolving through his mind.

It would sometimes last for hours before the Dementors withdrew and left him alone for a few moments. Then he would curl up again and see Evans laughing and whirling away through the fog, constantly laughing and saying something only she could hear.

He would stare blankly into the darkness of his cell, watching Evans' laughter getting fainter as she became lost in the fog.

Then the Dementors would come back and his mind would fill with her screams again.

XXXXXX

"Headmaster Dumbledore! What an unexpected surprise!"

Albus didn't even pretend to smile at Auror Finney who had hurried up to him the front foyer. It had taken him five days to get through the ministry's roadblocks and be given permission to visit Severus in Azkaban.

The moment a hysterically sobbing Gorgon had apparated into his bedchamber, Albus had known something terrible had happened. Severus had forbidden his elf to tell anybody that he had gone, but Albus knew from years of experience how to get something out of elves who had been forbidden to speak of certain things. All it took was asking certain questions which Gorgon could answer and Albus knew what had happened. He had immediately contacted the ministry and been reassured that nobody with the name of Severus Snape was of any interest to the ministry. After Albus had finally found somebody who was up to date on Severus' situation, the auror claimed he wasn't aware that he had been arrested. Growing tired with the mess that the ministry had become in the weeks following their victory, Albus apparated to auror headquarters and convinced Alastor Moody to drop nearly everything and help him find Severus, as much as Moody declared that he couldn't care less what had become of him.

Finally they had learned the Severus had been arrested and was already at Azkaban awaiting sentencing hearing. It had taken Alastor a few days to wrangle in an appointment for Albus, and even that had taken both of their considerable influence in the ministry and the MLE.

"I was already informed by Auror Moody that you wished to visit with the prisoner Severus Snape. I have Dementors standing by to fetch him for you, if you would just care to step over here for a quick examination."

Albus kept his mouth closed and allowed himself to be scanned and signed himself in as a visitor.

"Very good. Now if you would step this way…"

He was lead into a visitation room with Finney chattering on the whole time about how he knew Albus had tried to put in a motion at the ministry to keep the Dementors from being allowed to return to the prison after the war and their betrayal, but how Finney personally didn't mind them and felt more reassured with the creatures working here. Of course the Aurors and guards working at the prison were told to keep a close eye on their co-workers in case they decided to change sides again.

Just when he was about to leave to fetch Severus, Albus caught the man's arm.

"Just a moment, Markus. I require a small word with you before you bring Severus to me."

Finney started at his old headmaster's use of his first name, but quickly swallowed his reaction and frowned. "Of course, headmaster."

"I demand to know why Severus wasn't informed of his rights when he was arrested."

Finney looked confused but tried to keep a polite smile on his face. "Sir?"

"I understand that Severus was interrogated without his legal aid present which forces me to conclude that he wasn't informed that he was allowed a lawyer and was allowed to keep silent until he was given proper representation!"

Finney looked nervous now and had paled a bit, hearing the undercurrent of anger in the old man's voice. "Sir, Mr. Snape was informed of his rights before we started! We told him his rights right after we arrested him and he said he understood them. I thought he had answered a bit quickly so I asked him twice if he wanted an attorney present during his questioning and he refused. He said he didn't need counsel! I swear, headmaster, I wouldn't be stupid enough to risk my job by trampeling on a prisoner's rights! He refused counsel, I swear it!"

Albus frowned. "I demand to see the transcript of his interrogation."

Finney fumbled in his robe pockets and pulled out the scroll of parchment. "It's all here, sir. Every word. We didn't violate his rights in any way."

Albus took the parchment and started reading through it. As he read, his frown deepened. Finney had been right. What he discovered was that the auror's conduct and questions hadn't been wrong in any way. It was Severus' conduct and his answers which disturbed him greatly.

Not only had Severus admitted to every single crime the auror had accused him of but he hadn't even offered honest explanations. Albus knew that some of the murders Severus had confessed to hadn't been murder but had either been mercy killings of people who would otherwise have suffered horrible pain until being eventually killed in much slower and more painful ways than a swift acting poison, or had been a case of manslaughter, such as in the case of poor Nadia Geller. Not to mention that Severus hadn't been in his right mind at the time of her death. As for some of the other crimes, Albus knew that Severus hadn't been responsible for the twins' murder or the McKinnons or the Cravens or the Krabbins or the Saskins. In fact, Albus remembered quite clearly that Severus had been sitting in his office the night the Krabbins were murdered. But the crime which Albus couldn't believe Severus had pulled onto his shoulders was the one he had added to the list himself. "_I killed Lily Evans. On Oct. 31st, 1981."_

Albus frowned, for the first time very much afraid and not just worried for his young Slytherin child. He knew now what Severus wanted and why he had made himself out to be a cold, ruthless killer when he hadn't even been near most of the people he had admitted to killing.

He finally found his voice as he slowly rolled up the parchment and handed it back to Finney. "Thank you, Markus. I apologize for my behavior. I made some assumptions I shouldn't have."

Finney nodded and then frowned. "I see why you're worried about this one, headmaster. All the others, they were either proud of what they'd done, or they acted like they didn't care, but this one, he seemed so broken and lost. I don't think he realized what he was saying half the time, but I asked him numerous times and he kept insisting. As for the bit about the Potters, I really don't think he was near the place but he kept insisting that he had something to do with her death. I think something's snapped in the boy's head, sir."

Albus sighed. "That's what happens when we lose someone we cared for very much, Markus. When is his sentencing hearing?"

"On the tenth, sir."

"What do you think he'll get?"

Finney bit his lip. "If he goes in there without a shred of evidence to clear him and with this full confession sitting before the Wizengamot, I wouldn't be surprised if Crouch sentences him to the Kiss."

Albus started. "The Kiss?"

"Sir, he did admit to nearly thirty murders and from his behavior, I don't think he cares enough to change his mind or his story."

A cold shower of dread ran down his spine. "Please fetch me Severus, Markus."

"Right away, sir."

XXXXXX

Severus didn't even register the door to his cell being open and it wasn't until the light from a torch nearly blinded him that he realized he wasn't alone.

He quickly brought his hands up to his face and turned against the floor.

"Get up, Snape. You've got a visitor."

He forced himself to slowly stand, his legs shaky after not having been used for a while. He nearly collapsed but forced himself to slowly shuffled out of his cell. He felt the door being slammed behind him and felt his arms being restrained. He slowly walked down the dark hallway between two Dementors and just behind the Auror who had come to fetch him.

He stumbled up the stairs and felt his vision growing blurry due to his proximity to the Dementors. Flashes of Evans twirling through fog and her screaming and writhing in pain on the floor flickered past him at nauseating speed, her laughter intertwining with her screams. He felt his head pounding painfully and he nearly collapsed but the Dementors magic kept him on his feet and they dragged him along, his legs hardly having the energy to even mimic walking.

They reached the upper levels and the burst of bright light painfully stung Severus eyes. He immediately shut them. It didn't matter anyway. The Dementors dragged him along and he didn't have to pay attention where he was going or even pretend to walk. He barely noticed when they arrived at a room and came to a brief stop before he was hauled forward again and then dumped into a chair. His arms and legs were forced to the sides of the chair and the golden chains bound him to it again. He let his head hang down, too exhausted to keep it up. Evans' screams were piercing through his head and he felt like throwing up from the pain and nausea which made him start trembling. He could feel that he was sweating, which was strange since he was still numb from the constant cold which had seeped through his skin and permanently settled into his bones.

He heard voices saying something but he couldn't hear them over the screams and the laughter in his head.

He was barely aware of when the Dementors moved out of the room. His head and stomach slowly calmed down and he stopped shaking as badly as before. Evans' screams faded too, as did her laughter. For the first time in days, there was almost complete silence in his head.

He tried opening his eyes briefly but the light still stung them painfully. He heard more voices talking, one of them sounding apologetic and the other one sounding demanding and after a while, pleading.

Finally, he heard the click of a door shutting and saw the painfully bright light behind his tightly shut eyelids growing dimmer.

Slowly, he opened his eyes, still having difficulty adjusting to the light, even though it had been dimmed considerably.

He didn't bother trying to summon up the energy to raise his head. He knew who had come to see him. There would only be one person in the world who would be in the position to come and see him and who would want to see him.

"What do you want, headmaster?" He mumbled, his voice thin and raspy from constantly throwing up water and the small amounts of bread he managed to get down.

"I'm here to help you, my boy."

"I don't need any help."

"I think you do."

Severus found himself growing tired just from this small bit of conversation. Why was the headmaster here? He didn't want him here. He wanted to go back to his cell and go back to the existence he had started growing accustomed to.

"Severus, your sentencing hearing is in eight days. That leaves me plenty of time to gather enough evidence to clear you on a majority of the charges you have confessed to. As for the others, I can explain that you were in no position to think clearly at the time of your confessions and that they are to be discounted. You'll be questioned again, and this time, I'll be present and we'll make sure they get the facts right. Then we'll see about another sentencing and if necessary, I can provide evidence that you have—"

"I don't need any help," Severus mumbled, interupting the old man's words.

Albus got up and went and knelt before Severus' chair. "My boy, you don't understand what is happening. You are grieving and ill and the Dementors are slowly killing you. If you go up in front of Crouch like this with a full confession, he'll give you a life sentence, or worse, he'll sentence you to the Kiss."

"So?"

"So, it is a fate worse than death, Severus! A life without a soul is a life without substance. Your body lives but your mind is only aware of its surroundings and all else which it possessed is lost! You do not deserve this fate, my boy!"

"The others do, don't they?"

"Not all the others, but yes, some do."

"If they do then I do. I did what they did. I deserve this, headmaster. I know that and I accept it. It's what Evans would want."

"If Lily were alive today, she would be right here by my side and she wouldn't ever let you surrender your life like this, especially for crimes which you haven't committed!"

"But she's not here, headmaster, and that's the whole point. I killed her and I have to be punished for it."

"Severus, you are not responsible for her death, do you understand me?"

Severus closed his eyes again, having grown weary of the conversation. He wanted to go back to his cell and watch Evans running through the fog. He wanted to hear her laugh.

"I want to go back to my cell, headmaster."

"Please, listen to me. Tell me the word and I will find all the evidence we need and be by your side. Please."

"I want to go back to my cell."

"My child, please! Don't let them do this to you! I know you are grieving but her death is no reason to throw your life away, especially like this!"

Severus had nearly fallen asleep. He had been trying to find Evans in the fog, but the headmaster's constant chattering was intruding.

There was now silence and Severus guessed that the headmaster was waiting for him to say something. He had no idea what the headmaster had said, so he stuck to his only wish.

"I want to go back to my cell."

He never raised his head as he mumbled the request into his filthy, ragged robe. He never saw the tears streaming down Albus' face and never saw the old man bringing his hands up to his face, trying to keep himself from falling apart right here. Instead, he gently reached up and squeezed one of Severus' hands before standing up.

He leaned down and gently kissed the top of the dirty, still head. "I love you, my boy and I'm not going to leave you here. Not like this."

He straightened and went and knocked on the door. Finney opened it and immediately went to Severus. The Dementors drifted over to him and all three undid the chains and pulled Severus to his feet and slowly started dragging him down the corridor, the twenty year old hardly caring enough to even try to move his feet on his own.

Albus watched him go with tears stinging his eyes.

He wanted nothing more than to crumble and cry out his frustrations and anguish for his child, but he couldn't do that right now.

If Severus wouldn't help himself, then Albus would do it for him. One thing was for sure, he wouldn't lose his boy for something he hadn't done.


	49. Chapter 49

Path of Shaded Light

Chapter 49

Author's Note: I hope everybody's new year is turning out to be as good as they hoped for! Thanks for all your awesome reviews! You know how much they're appreciated. I have two new chapters for you in which we all get to sit through Sev's trial. I apologize in advance for any legal blunders I could have made, my knowledge of the law only coming from Law and Order reruns. Enjoy!

'An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.'

- Mahatma Gandhi

Dec. 3rd, 1981

Ministry of Magic

Chief Prosecutor Bartemius Crouch's Office

"You understand I have very little time, Albus?"

Dumbledore settled himself into the straightbacked chair Crouch had waved him into. As the man hurried around his office, throwing various files and rolls of parchment into his exhausted assistant's arms, Albus took the opportunity to re-transfigure the chair into something more comfortable.

"Of course, Barty. This will only take a moment. I wished to discuss Sirius Black's trial."

Crouch froze for a moment and a frown creased his forehead as he turned from his filing cabinet and stared at him. "Trial? What trial?"

"Exactly. When precisely is it going to be?"

Crouch looked confused again before he decided to be polite and not treat him as the senile idiot he presumed him to be. "We don't need a trial, Albus. The man is guilty. There were more than a dozen muggle witnesses who confessed to seeing him branishing a wand at Peter Pettigrew and then seeing Pettigrew being blown up, the resulting blast killing twelve other muggles in the vicinity—why are we discussing this? You know all the details."

"Not all the details. For example, what curse did Sirius use on Peter?"

"What curse? What the hell does it matter, Albus?"

"I'm simply curious. I assume his wand was tested, of course?"

"There isn't a need to test his wand, Albus! He's guilty."

"Where is your evidence, Barty?"

Crouch pulled himself up and glared down at him. "You have the gall to come into my office and question me about how I do my job?"

"I'm merely trying to ensure that the ministry is dealing with all suspects fairly and—"

"In the history of our justice system we have always striven to respect the rights of the accused and to determine their innocence or guilty by a fair process, Albus! Are you accusing me of squandering their rights!"

"Not at all, Barty. I'm merely suggesting that I think you're moving too quickly through these cases. You are not collecting evidence, you are taking the word of confused, unreliable eye witnesses, you are administering nearly lethal doses of veritaserum to underage suspects without parental consent and you are forgoing trials in favor of simple sentencing hearings for more than half of suspected Death Eaters."

Crouch's face had gone a deep red and he slammed a pile of folders onto his desk, making his assistant leap back with fright. "You think those pieces of filth deserve the same rights as decent people? You think they deserve to be pampered by us!"

Albus sighed. He hated to bring it up, but he knew what was driving Crouch to near madness with this issue.

"Barty, you can't help your son by slaughtering those who he considered his collegues. It won't do any good. He doesn't give a damn about any of them. If you are trying to teach him a lesson, this is not the way to do it. Just like throwing him into Azkaban and forbidding his mother to see him won't solve anything. Have you even been to visit him?"

"Visit him? You want me to visit that—that _thing_!" Crouch bellowed.

"He is your son, Barty. I'm not saying that Barty doesn't have any issues, because he very obviously does. He is mentally disturbed to a certain degree, but if you would support him and help him, he could get better. You weren't there for him when he truly needed you, but it is not too late—"

"I will never speak to that thing again! I am ashamed that I ever called that thing my son! I had nothing to do with any of the unspeakable horrors he had his hands in! Do you understand me! I have nothing to do with it and it isn't my fault and how _dare_ you bring this up!"

"Barty, please. I know how you feel. There are hundreds of other parents out there, including us, who had to face the harsh reality that we weren't there for our children at a time when they truly needed us. But abandoning them when they hit rock bottom is the worst possible thing, Barty! Barty needs you, now more than ever. You haven't been a father to him in recent years but it's never too late to start trying to patch things—"

"Shut up! Shut your filthy mouth! I never want to hear you speak about this again, do you hear me? How dare you insinuate that this was somehow my fault!"

Albus sighed. It was useless. Crouch was determined to punish his son for his mistakes—as well as his own—using people like Sirius and Severus. Whether Crouch would ever come to realize that Barty's betrayal and downward spiral were as much his fault as Barty's, Albus didn't know. He just hoped they would someday be able to help each other heal before it was too late.

For now, he had his own problems to deal with. Swaying Barty's attitude appeared to be useless at the moment. Albus knew that his best chance to help Severus would have been to get Barty to agree to a fair trial, but now he knew that option was gone. He would have to go to his next plan.

"Very well, Barty. You leave me no choice." Waving his wand, a piece of paper appeared out of thin air and settled onto Crouch's desk. The man snatched it up and skimmed it.

"What the hell is this, Dumbledore?"

"It is my resignation from the Wizengamot, effective immediately."

"You're—you're resigning!"

Dumbledore folded his hands in his lap. "Yes. I joined the Wizengamot in order to see justice carried out in our world, not to go on a revenge seeking blood hunt. As long as this ministry is conducting trials in such a manner, I will not have any part in it."

Crouch clenched his jaw and tossed the paper down.

"Fine. Fine. I hope you're happy now, because as long as I'm in power, you won't be setting foot back into the Wizengamot, do you hear me?"

"Perfectly, Barty."

"Now get out of my office."

Giving him a thin smile, Albus pushed himself up and went to the door. He thought about telling Barty that he would see him in a few days time and that he better be prepared, but then thought better of it. Yes, much better to let Barty be surprised.

Dec. 10th, 1981

Ministry of Magic

Courtroom Ten

Shouldering his way through the crowd, Albus made sure he reached one of the seats in the front row and would be sitting behind Crouch and right in front of the chair in which Severus would sit. Along the way, he spied a familiar blond head in the back row. Of course Lucius would have come to sit in on the trial. Not having been accused of anything — yet — Lucius was probably busy writing down the names any rats who sold names or secrets to stay out of Azkaban so he could report them to his master when he returned.

He heard a voice grumbling and swearing beside him and he momentarily glanced up to see Moody pushing past some people to reach him.

"Why the ruddy hell do you have to sit in the very front, Albus? It's not like we've gone tone deaf in the past few years. I can still hear fine from a few rows back."

"I need to be close to Crouch, Alastor."

Moody sighed loudly. "Going to fight with him on this one, aren't you?"

Albus didn't answer, only looked down at the papers in his hands and made sure they were in order.

"The filth should rot in Azkaban like the others, Albus. Didn't I tell you not to get involved with his kind? Didn't I warn you that this would be how he would turn out back when he was ten? And you didn't listen and now he's conned you into pulling strings for him and coasting out of here on your cloak hem—"

"Alastor, you don't have to like what I'm doing but kindly keep your mouth shut about it. I need to concentrate. Anything you have to say about it, you can say to me afterwards."

Grumbling under his breath, Moody leaned back in his chair and kept quiet.

After a few more minutes, another familiar voice echoed through the crowds, firmly asking people to get out of her way. Pushing through the last few, Minerva finally reached the front row. Moody still sat slumped in his seat, glaring darkly at the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. Minerva glanced down at his legs which blocked the aisle and cleared her throat. He barely glanced at her and waved a dismissive hand at her. She raised an eyebrow and flicked her hand at his legs, sending them flying upwards and leaving Moody hanging upside down in his seat. Minerva strode past him and went to the seat Albus had saved for her. Only when she was sitting down did she flick her hand at Alastor again, who was dumped back into his seat the right way up, swearing loudly at her.

Albus ignored him and turned to Minerva. "Thank you for coming."

She fixed a strand of hair which had escaped her bun and frowned slightly. "I'm not here just for you, Albus. I didn't stay up all night studying with the boy only for him to waste that education on the Dementors," she huffed, sniffing loudly and sitting back in her seat.

"Is Gorgy prepared?"

"He's waiting for your summons. I've left him in your office."

"Good, good. Hopefully we won't have to put him through this, but it's best to have him standing by."

"Albus, I know we've discussed this but wouldn't you be able to help him more if you would have sat on the Wizengamot like you were supposed to?"

"No, Minerva. I've informed Crouch quite firmly that I'm not sitting on the Wizengamot until they start giving fair trails to all the Death Eaters and anybody accused of war crimes. As long as Crouch is satisfied with bullying false confessions out of prisoners and taking the word of anybody who comes along with tales of having been wronged by the accused and then bringing them in just for a sentencing hearing, I won't have anything to do with it. He's making a mockery of our justice system."

They waited in silence until the side doors to the dungeon like room opened and the members of the Wizengamot walked in and sat in the seats lining the right side of the room. The last one to come in was Bartemius Crouch and his aide who was shuffling papers and frantically trying not to drop anything and keep up with Crouch's long strides at the same time.

Crouch spent a moment speaking with the other members of the Wizengamot and yelling at his aide until he strode to the middle of the court room and faced the empty chair and clasped his hands behind his back.

"Bring in the accused."

Immediately, silence fell over the room as the far door opened and two Dementors glided in, both of them holding up the thin, dark haired prisoner. He didn't have the energy to walk and the Dementors dragged him over the chair and dumped him into it. He nearly slid out of it but they quickly secured his arms and legs by the golden chains so he would remain seated. Then they turned and glided back out.

Albus frowned as he looked at Severus. The boy looked barely conscious and didn't have the energy to lift his head up. He was deathly pale and sweating and his entire body was violently shaking, but Albus could only guess if this was due to the cold, fear or the fever which was consuming his thin body.

His robes were utterly filthy and hung on his thin frame worse than when he had been an undernourished child. Vomit, blood and dust covered the dark cloth and the ends of his filthy, mangled hair. Albus didn't much care for his physical appearance but was very concerned with his state of mind. Severus hadn't even looked up and was quite possibly not even aware of where he was.

"We are here today to decide the fate of Severus Snape. He stands accused of being a Death Eater, multiple counts of murder and conspiracy to act against the government. He has made a full confession, of which the Wizengamot has copies, of course."

Crouch motioned towards the Wizengamot before turning to face the crowd again.

"He is a ruthless, sadistic killer who took pleasure in ending innocent lives to please You-Know-Who and killed dozens of children simply to gain favor in You-Know-Who's eyes."

An angry murmur arose from the crowd and Crouch nodded, trying to look as appalled as the people watching him were.

"Killing a child is a crime worse than any other and for this, I propose sentencing him to the only punishment which would be fit to punish a murderer such as him. I demand that the Wizengamot see justice be served and sentence Severus Snape to the Kiss."

The murmur rose and some people clapped and other called out their agreements with the proposed sentence.

Crouch turned to the Wizengamot. "I now ask the jury to vote on the fate of this remorseless killer and know that you are deciding the fate of someone who could have been responsible for your own children's murders."

"Just a minute, Mr. Crouch."

Crouch frowned at the Wizengamot as if thinking that one of them had said something. When he saw that all of them were staring at somebody in the audience, he turned and stared at Albus, who had stood up in the front row and was looking at him with a polite smile on his face.

Crouch forced his face into a smile which he must have assumed looked to be equally polite, but it only looked like he had bitten into a sour lemon. "Dumbledore, I must remind you that you have forfit your right to vote on the jury when you resigned from your seat a week ago."

"Yes, I know, Mr. Crouch. I have no wish to vote on this matter, nor any other such matters that you have the audacity to call fair trails."

"I beg your pardon—"

"Now that I have your attention, I wish the court to recognize Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore."

Crouch frowned. "As what?"

Dumbledore smiled and Moody muttered something that sounded like 'here we go' under his breath. "Witness for the defence."

The room erupted into chatter at that and everybody repeated what Albus had said to their neighbors and the person three rows down from them. Rita Skeeter had sat up straight and had grabbed her auto-quill off the parchment it was scribbling on and frantically started taking her own notes. This trail might possibly turn out be to be more interesting than anything her quill could think up.

Even the Wizengamot were talking in excited murmurs amongst themselves. Crouch gaped at Albus and looked unsure whether this was a joke and he should start laughing uproaringly or whether this was serious.

"I beg your pardon?"

"I am a witness for Mr. Snape, Mr. Crouch."

Crouch still looked at him as if he thought Dumbledore had suddenly turned into a pink insect and was dancing around the room. "We don't need any witnesses, Dumbledore. He has admitted to his crimes and we have a full confession right here."

"Yes, I know, but would it be fair of the Wizengamot to discount evidence which could potentially clear the accused of certain charges?"

"Well I—"

"You see, I seem to recall a conversation the two of us had just last week where you stated, and I quote: 'In the history of our justice system, we have always striven to respect the rights of the accused and to determine their innocence or guilt by a fair process.'."

Crouch paled and moments later grew red in the face to hear his own words being thrown back at him, but he glanced up at the Wizengamot, who looked as lost as he did before they all glanced at Millicent Bagnold, who up until now had sat quietly in the corner and watched the proceedings.

She nodded firmly. "Even if the accused has admitted to his crimes, any witness who wishes to come forward to present evidence to counter any charges may do so."

Crouch grew even redder, but finally nodded. "Of course, Madame Minister," he hissed between clenched teeth before he turned to Albus. "You may present your evidence."

Albus gave him a tight smile. "Splendid. If I may step forward?"

"Go ahead," Crouch spat out, his jaw still tightly clenched.

Dumbledore quickly stood up and conjured up a podium beside Severus and put his stack of papers onto it. He risked a quick glance at the shaking, pale Slytherin. His eyes were barely open and he was moaning softly and looked to be fighting off the desire to go back to sleep or possibly just give up and die any moment.

"On the night of March 23rd, 1980 when Trella and Gavin Krabbins were murdered, Severus Snape was sitting in my office the entire night."

There was another loud murmur and Rita had started piling parchment rolls onto her neighbors lap while she frantically scribbled.

Crouch frowned. "Do you have proof of this, Dumbledore?"

Albus raised an eyebrow. "Is my word not good enough, Mr. Crouch?"

"You need solid evidence, Dumbledore."

"And did you need solid evidence to convince yourself that Severus Snape is guilty of the crimes he verbally admitted to?"

Crouch stiffened. "He made a full confession."

"Ah, I see. So the word of a grieving, ill young man is taken to be the truth while my own word is seen as unreliable. Very well. As if happens, I do have solid proof."

He pulled out a scrap of paper which was a fragment of paper torn out of the Daily Prophet. "On this paper, Severus scribbled down the information regarding the upcoming Burginham Battle which would take place four days from then. If you look carefully, you can see the date of that day's Prophet was March 23rd, 1980."

Crouch snatched the piece of paper from him and frowned at it. "How do we know it wasn't just an old Prophet lying around?"

"As any elf working at Hogwarts would testify to, they always use the previous day's newspapers as wrapping and extra fire material."

"And why did you keep it?"

"I thought to myself that one can never be too well prepared for any situation life might possibly throw your way." He thought that revealing the fact that elves rarely dared to try and turn the mess his office was into order would be embarrassing them and Hogwarts. Besides, in this case, his clutter might just save Severus' life.

"And how do we know that this is Snape's writing?"

"I have an old assignment of his right here." Albus pulled out an old essay Filius had kept as an example piece and had loaned to him. Crouch stared at the writing. When he determined that no two people could possibly have such cramped, messy writing, he shoved the documents at somebody in the jury's front row and shook it in their face.

"The court will see that these two items have officially been submitted as evidence."

He snarled out.

Albus went back to his pile of papers. "Concerning the night of April 17th, 1981 when Mr. Snape is accused of murdering the Malchesters and April 29th, 1981 when Mr. Snape is accused of murdering Talia Walsh, I have evidence that Mr. Snape was at Hogwarts school, studying for his upcoming NEWT exams."

He handed over a pile of practice exam booklets covered in Severus' spidery thin, cramped writing and Minerva's large red comments and ticks. "You can see the dates on the top of the booklets, but if that isn't enough, I have Minerva McGonagall here who will testify that she was helping him study on those nights, and she corrected these exams."

"You mean to say that Minerva McGonagall was aiding a known criminal and hiding him from the law?"

"She had no idea who he was working for. He came to her for help when he wanted to finish his NEWTs and graduate and she agreed to mark his assignments and try to get him through his exams. I must point out that this is the same aid she would give any former student who had dropped out of school and returned later in an effort to finish what they had started. She is a teacher, not a politician or law enforcement official."

Crouch glanced over the papers and then shoved them at the jury again, who all leaned back when the papers were nearly stuffed up their noses. "The court will see that these items have also been officially submitted as evidence."

Crouch then turned back to Dumbledore. "Anything else?"

"I have no more hard evidence to clear Mr. Snape on any other charges."

"Very well. We'll remove the Krabbins, Malchesters and Walsh from his list of murders. My submission to the court concerning his sentence still stands."

"I beg your pardon, Mr. Crouch, but I'm not quite finished."

Crouch stared at him and looked like he wanted to take a swing at him or throw a silencing charm at him.

"What now?"

"I believe that Madame Minister will agree with me that it is established law that if a pattern of doubt can be established about the accused's guilt, then all other charges must be re-examined."

Millicent Bagnold was nodding again and Moody let out another long sigh and muttered something rude. Rita's glasses were crooked and she was writing so fast that her hand was a blur.

"Very good. Now, I would like to administer Veritaserum to the accused and re-interrogate him."

Crouch clenched his jaw, but seemed to decide that whatever Snape said under Veritaserum would be seen as undisputable and that would end this mess quickly.

"Very well." He snapped his fingers at his aide, who hurriedly rummaged around in his pockets until he pulled out a vial of veritaserum.

Crouch grabbed it and walked over to Severus.

"Just a minute, Mr. Crouch." Albus walked over and plucked the vial from the prosecutor's hands and quickly examined it and then sniffed the contents. Before anybody could protest, he put a small drop of it into his mouth and rolled it around on his tongue, tasting it before he nodded. "Go ahead."

Crouch yanked Severus' head back and forced four drops into his slack, unresisting mouth. Severus swallowed and Crouch released his head and it fell back against his chest.

They all waited a few minutes before they were sure the potion would take effect.

Then Crouch stepped before Severus.

"State your name for the court."

Severus mumbled something, his mind coaxing his vocal chords into answering but the rest of his body not being up to the challenge.

"Repeat yourself."

Another mumble.

Crouch swore under his breath and sighed loudly. "Sonorus," he muttered at him and then repeated the question.

"Severus Snape," the words were a bit louder this time but the people in the back few rows still leaned forward or put hearing enhancer charms on their ears to hear better.

Crouch pulled out the long list of Severus' previous confession and started going through the list. The jury all had quills in their hands and frantically scribbled on their own copies to correct the previous confession.

"Did you murder Vera and Katie Powell?"

"I killed Vera Powell but not Katie."

"Why?"

"Master had found out her husband Ignatius had betrayed him to the ministry and ordered that his entire family be killed. I didn't want to kill her but if I didn't, I would have died."

Crouch glared at him. "Then you should have died rather than kill an innocent!"

Severus slowly shook his head, plainly struggling to focus. "I had a job to do for the headmaster. I couldn't do it if I were dead."

"Job? What job?" Crouch spat.

"I was his spy."

"His what?"

"His spy. I spied on the Death Eaters for him."

Loud exclamations echoed through the court room and Lucius had sat up straight and was paying attention rather than picking at his fingernails.


	50. Chapter 50

Path of Shaded Light

Chapter 50

'It's easy to be a saint in paradise.'

- Benjamin Sisko, 'The Maquis'

(_Star Trek: Deep Space Nine_)

"You mean you pretended to go to the headmaster with useful information so he would testify on your behalf once you had to pay for your crimes, is that it? You gave our side false information so you could con Dumbledore into helping you?" Crouch's voice had risen as he realized he had caught the one strand of hope he still had.

"No. I told him everything."

"Everything?"

"Everything. I gave him all the names, all the places, all the things we did."

"What else did you do?"

"I told him about battles before they would happen so he could be ready."

"Which battles?"

"A lot of them. Burginham. Trelley. Covington. Wimbleton."

"What else?"

Albus had stepped forward again. "I think our time would be used more efficiently if Mr. Snape were asked about the crimes he was directly accused of."

Crouch glared at him but Albus calmly stared back. He had seen Lucius' eyes widen in the back row and knew that they were heading into dangerous territory. He had known that this part of the plan was dangerous. He had to get Severus to openly admit to having been a spy for their side in order to grant him leniency, but he couldn't allow Severus to go into too many details. They had to make it seem that Severus had been helping them enough for the wizarding world to see that he had repented but they couldn't go into details about how much Severus had really been helping them. If they would, Lucius and a group of other old acquaintances would be waiting outside these walls to tear Severus apart as soon as he was granted freedom. Never mind what Tom would do to him if he returned. Tom of course had known that Severus had given Albus information about the battles, but Tom had always thought that information was faulty and the information Severus was telling Tom was accurate. Severus hadn't said enough to cast doubt about this, but Albus wasn't momentarily worried about Tom. He had to make sure Severus would be protected from both sides, even if nobody was willing to admit that there was another side anymore, and even if it meant Severus would never get any credit or recognition for the many lives he had saved and how many of Tom's plans he had foiled. Silence would leave him without credit, but would keep him safe for now.

It was a dangerous game with high prices and a high risk of failure, but Albus had always known that and Severus knew that too.

Crouch had gone back to leafing through his papers and was asking Severus about the other crimes he was accused of.

"Tell me about the night the McKinnons were murdered."

"We—"

"Who is 'we'?"

"Evan Rosier, Igor Karkaroff, Bellatrix Lestrange, William Travers and me."

The Wizengamot started murmuring amongst themselves and were frantically scribbling. Severus hadn't realized it, but he had just added Travers to the list of most wanted and added other crimes to the long lists following Karkaroff and Bella's names. Evan Rosier was written down as a passing mention, already having been dead for a year and a half.

"Why did you go after them?"

"Marlene McKinnon worked for the ministry and she had some information that master wanted destroyed. We went to their house to find it but we couldn't find it. We asked them where it was and they wouldn't tell us. I was tweaking a bit so I left and went to sit in the study."

"You were what?"

"I needed my crystals."

"What crystals?" Crouch spat, plainly thinking that Severus had already gone off the deep end.

Albus cleared his throat. "He was addicted to Rubidium crystals or Hell's Breath as they call it on the streets for about a year."

Crouch stared at him. "Is he crazy?"

Albus didn't know if the question was meant in the general sense or if it referred to that particular night, but he decided to answer it both ways. "He wasn't thinking quite clearly, no."

"You went to sit in the study and then what?"

"I did a pinch and then went back to the bedroom. The McKinnons and their kids were dead already."

"What about the twins?"

"There were twelve of them. Jenny and Braden and Rebecca and Matthew and I don't remember the others names."

"Did you kill them?"

"No. The others did."

"What others?"

Lucius was frowning and was leaning forward, looking concerned now. Albus knew why. Lucius had been amongst those who had murdered those children.

He stepped forward again. "I don't believe that information is of concern right now. If Mr. Snape wishes to divulve more information, he will do so only in the event of a deal being made or if he wishes to divulge that information, not when it is forced out of him with veritaserum."

"They were children, Albus!"

"I agree and after this is over, rest assured that I will do everything I can to punish those responsible, but Mr. Snape wasn't responsible for the twins' death and therefore, this matter should be closed for now."

"He didn't prevent their deaths either."

"No. And neither did the three to four hundred other people in the room at the time. If you want to punish Severus for not protecting others, knowing that his life would be over if he did, then you better find and punish the hundreds of others who had done the same. In fact, if I am not mistaken, just last week, Kenneth McGavin was cleared of conspiracy charges when he sold Death Eaters the names and locations of his brother and parents in exchange for his own life. It is cowardly, yes, but it is not murder and shouldn't be examined as such. Severus didn't kill those twins. Could we please move on?"

"You stated that you made many potions which poisoned and killed many innocent victims. Is this true?"

"Yes. I didn't know what they were using the potions for, most of the time. I just made them and gave them to the others."

"You stated that you were directly responsible for some of their deaths. Is this true?"

"They were suffering. They were already close to death and they were in a lot of pain. There was nothing anybody could do for them anymore. Their bodies had been poisoned by a dark ritual already. I made it easy for them. The potion just made them fall asleep and then die. They wouldn't hurt anymore."

"You didn't try to get outside help for them?"

"I didn't know where the dark manor was and if I would have brought anybody with me, they would have been discovered and killed. Besides, it was too late for them. They would have died slowly but within a few hours but I let them die quickly and with no pain."

"What about Nadia Geller?"

Severus trembled harder and for a moment, seemed to be fighting the veritaserum. Albus tensed. If Severus tried to fight it and make up a story about Nadia, he was prepared to summon Gorgon here to dispute it.

"I was tweaking really badly. I was looking for my crystals and I couldn't find them. Nadia was on the table."

"Why was a seven year old girl on your table?"

"I was testing a potion on her. It wasn't painful. It was just a skin tone changer to use for disguises. I couldn't find my crystals and I thought she'd taken them. I yelled at her and tried to force her to tell me where they were. I didn't realize who she was and that she had nothing to do with it. I couldn't stop myself and I didn't know where I was. I don't even know when I realized she was dead." He paused. "I didn't mean to kill her. I didn't. I didn't want to hurt her either. I just wanted to scare her a bit so she'd give me my crystals back. I didn't mean to kill her. I'm sorry."

"What about your statement that you killed Lily Potter on Oct. 31st, 1981?"

"I was in the dark manor when Evans died. Master went to go find her and kill her baby. I didn't know he had left, but I should have known. I should have been able to help her. I as good as killed her."

Crouch frowned. "But you were nowhere near Godric's Hollow on that night?"

"No."

Crouch sighed loudly and turned to the Wizengamot. "Ignore his ramblings and strike that charge as well."

After going through the rest of the list, Crouch finally turned to the Wizengamot.

"As it stands now, Severus Snape is charged with one count of murder concerning Vera Powell and one count of manslaughter concerning Nadia Geller." Crouch turned to Severus. "Does the defendant have anything to add?"

Severus looked confused for a moment before he licked his dry lips and slowly started what he thought would be his final explanation.

"I want to say I'm sorry for what I've done. I never meant anybody any harm. I just wanted to have friends and to belong somewhere. I only realized later that I couldn't do what they wanted me to do. I wasn't like them but by then I couldn't get out. I wanted to find a way to help and to try to make up for some things so I started working for the headmaster and giving him information. I know that that doesn't excuse what I did to Vera and that won't bring her back, but it did prevent other Vera's from dying like that. And I know that no matter how long I live and what I do, it won't bring Nadia back, but I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to make up for it. How I do that is up to you. If you think executing me or putting me into Azkaban will somehow help make Nadia's spirit content, then do it. I wish I could bring her back. I wish I could bring all of them back, but I can't. I'm sorry." He bit his lip and took a shaky breath. "I'm just really sorry."

Crouch narrowed his eyes at him and then glanced at the Wizengamot, many of whom were frowning, obviously having difficulty with this.

When Severus was finished, Albus stepped forward. "If I might say something?"

Crouch looked ready to refuse him but when Minister Bagnold raised her eyebrows at him, he relented and waved a hand in Albus' direction.

Dumbledore stepped forward and calmly looked at the members of the Wizengamot and the audience before beginning.

"Many of you are no doubt sitting there, saying that there is no excuse for murder. There isn't. However, there are just and moral explanations for it. In some cases, people are mentally unable to determine what is right from what is wrong or are unable to stop themselves from committing terrible acts. Whether it is from illness, drugs or magic, these people aren't violent, ruthless monsters. What about self-defense? People have been known to brutally murder a person if they feel their lives or the lives of somebody they care about are at risk. And what of the greater good? Is a general who orders his troops to attack a city full of innocent people but known to harbor the enemies headquarters a murderer? What if the result of the attack is that the conflict ends years earlier than it could have, saving hundreds of lives, even if some innocents were sacrificed? Those are the questions you must ask yourselves. People belong in prison for two reasons. One is that they are cold, immoral people who believe that innocent lives are simply theirs for the taking, and those who are a threat to society. Another reason is that they feel no remorse for their crime and they need to be in a place where they can learn to feel that remorse and maybe start examining their own lives and making something better of them. Severus Snape fits neither of these criteria. He has already expressed a desire to repent for the wrongs he has done, and he has already started to do so. He spent months passing information from Voldemort back to our side, giving us an advantage we hadn't even glimpsed in the ten years we had been fighting this war. After Nadia's death, he realized what terrible effect drugs had on him and he spent weeks enduring horrid withdrawal symptoms until he was clean and he has fought off the urge to relapse ever since, successfully, I might add. The road leading away from drug addiction is a painful, terribly difficult road, but Severus stuck to it, determined to never make the same mistake again. In addition, he realized what a mistake it had been to drop out of school and join Voldemort, but not being able to do anything about the latter, he decided to do something about the former and wrote his NEWTs, obtaining exemplary scores if you should decide to check. Now that the war is over, he wants nothing more than to continue trying to make up for what he has done. Can he do this in Azkaban? Will any good truly come out of another child being locked up in a dark hole for the rest of his life? I don't believe so, and I don't believe any of you think so either. Nadia Geller and Vera Powell can never be brought back, but Severus is still here and wants to do his best to prevent anymore Nadias or Veras from getting hurt. I hope that you find it within yourselves, not to forgive him, for these crimes can never be truly forgiven, but to understand why he did what he did and to give him a chance to make his life and those of others like him better. Thank you for your time."

Dumbledore gave the audience and the members of the Wizengamot a faint smile before sitting back down. Severus hadn't moved an inch during the speech and Albus doubted he had even listened to a word of it, but that wasn't the issue at the moment.

Crouch strode forward again and faced the Wizengamot. "I have already expressed my views on what I think Severus Snape's fate should be. If he truly wished to repent then suffering the same fate as his victims would be quite fitting. I will now ask the Wizengamot to vote—"

"I beg your pardon, Bartemius, but we would like to call a brief recess." One of the older wizards sitting along the bench had stood up.

Crouch clenched his jaw but gave him a firm nod. The audience all stood up as the Wizengamot stood up and filed out of the room into a side room where they frequently held discussions.

Crouch impatiently waited, bouncing around on his heels and tapping his feet as he stared at the door, probably hoping to mentally coax the jury into finishing their discussions and getting this over with. Unable to stand still for very long, he started pacing back and forth in front of Severus' chair, his carefully controlled expression barely hiding his rage.

Finally the Wizengamot came striding back out and took their seats.

Crouch once again went to stand in front of them. Wasting no more time, he leapt right into the decision of the verdict. "Those in favor for the Dementor's Kiss?"

Albus held his breath. Everybody waited through a few tense seconds during which none of the jurists raised their hands. A muscle twitched in Crouch's jaw.

"Those in favor of life imprisonment?"

Again, nobody raised their hands. Crouch looked like he was having difficulty breathing.

"Those in favor of clearing the prisoner of all charges?"

In unison, every member of the Wizengamot raised their hands. Crouch spat on the floor and shot murderous glares at all of them.

"This boy is a murderer and you are just going to let him go!" he bellowed.

"Mr. Crouch, please, get a hold of yourself or I must ask you to be removed," Millicent Bagnold spoke up from her chair, frowning in obvious disapproval of Crouch's behavior.

"He deserves to rot in hell!" He screamed at the jury, ignoring Bagnold's words.

The Wizengamot were looking at him with sad eyes but none of them responded to his anger, save an elderly witch who sighed softly. "Bartemius, the boy isn't Barty. It's obvious he knows he made a mistake and wants to fix it very badly."

"You're making excuses for a murderer!" Crouch howled.

"Don't punish this boy for what your own son did, Bartemius!" The witch said, her voice firm by now.

Crouch froze and all the color drained from his face. He stared at the witch for a moment before he turned and strode from the courtroom, slamming the door behind him.

In the silence that followed, the witch who had spoken bent down to grab a piece of paper.

"Now, the Wizengamot has decided to clear Severus Snape of all charges, however, this isn't to say that there won't be consequences for his behavior. This court understands and recognizes that he has done his best to make up for the terrible choices he has made and clearly feels remorse for what he has done. However, it is the decision of this court that Snape will be put on probation for a period no less than three years from now. He is required to contact his parole officer at the ministry once a week and is not allowed to leave the country during the period of his probation. Random checks will be made on Snape's residence and his lifestyle will be closely monitored. He is expected to obtain and keep a job, acquire a place of residence and commit no crimes, however minor they might be. He is also forbidden to be outside his place of residence between the hours of nine in the evening and six in the morning. Also, he is forbidden to associate with anybody known to have been a servant of You-Know-Who and is forbidden to use dark magic in any setting, time or situation. Furthermore, he is required to come to the ministry for random drug testing and is required to remain drug free. Any breaches of these conditions will result in prison time for him, the duration of which will be decided by the Wizengamot after examining the condition breached and the manner it was breached in." The witch lowered her paper and glanced at Severus. "In other words, keep your nose clean, Mr. Snape. You say that you've learned your lesson and that you want to make up for those mistakes by living a law-abiding, productive life from now on. This is your one and only chance to prove that these weren't just words. Good luck to you."


	51. Chapter 51

Path of Shaded Light

Chapter 51

Author's Note: Once more the weather has been cooperating with my computer and not my personal need for sunshine. Since the new year began, we have had a total of three days worth of sunshine. This means lots of wet socks and broken umbrellas for me, and lots of new chapters for you all. I didn't even realize how much I've written up until I realized I've finished 'Shaded Light'. I'll be putting up the last two chapters of this part in about a week and a half, after which we'll launch right into 'Twinkling Dusk', which will be the last part of the trilogy. As always, I hope you enjoy these chapters and leave a little note about what you thought!

'In our darkest hour, in my deepest despair, will you still care? Will you be there? In my trials and tribulations, through our doubts and frustrations, in my violence, in my turbulence, through my fear and my confessions, in my anguish and my pain, through my joy and my sorrow, in the promise of another tomorrow, I will never let you part, for you're always in my heart.'

- 'Will You Be There?' by Michael Jackson

Dec. 11th, 1981

Hogwarts School

He was warm. He was actually warm. His first thought was that he was finally going mad and he didn't know if that thrilled him or terrified him, but then his second thought was that it was probably the fever.

But that didn't explain why he didn't feel a cold stone floor beneath him but felt a soft mattress instead. Forget the fever. He was definitely going mad.

He also noticed that he wasn't feeling dehydrated anymore and he didn't feel as sick as he had during the days preceeding this one. He realized his headache was gone and the voices in his head were oddly silent. Even Evans was quiet.

He didn't want to open his eyes in case this would turn out to be a dream brought on by delusions and illness, but he realized there was a soft glow of light behind his eyelids. Not enough to sting his sensitive eyes but enough to know that he wasn't in his cell anymore.

"It's alright to open your eyes, Severus. You're not in Azkaban anymore and I promise you're not dreaming and I'm not just a figment of your imagination."

The voice forced his eyes open because he knew that voice couldn't possible be in a cell in Azkaban with him.

Opening his eyes, he stared at the old man sitting in the chair beside him, a cup of tea in his hands and a gentle smile on his face.

"Headmaster," he whispered, his voice raspy and thin.

"Good morning, dear. How do you feel?"

He didn't answer. Why the hell was he in the headmaster's bed? It made no sense. He had been in Azkaban, right where he had wanted to be and now he wasn't. Vague memories of people talking and asking him questions floated through his mind, but he couldn't be sure what had been real and what he had imaged.

"I want to go back to my cell."

"Severus, you never have to go back. You were given probation. Don't you remember? Your trial was yesterday morning. You were cleared and I brought you back here and Gorgon and I spent the day and night putting you back together."

A sinking feeling settled in the pit of his stomach and he felt the strong urge to cry. He didn't want to be here. He didn't want to be around these people anymore. He wanted to be back in his cell.

"I want to go back to my cell," he whispered, hoping that if he said it enough, the headmaster would eventually start laughing and say that of course he could go back and he would never visit him again and he would leave him alone in his darkness with Evans twirling in the fog.

Dumbledore looked at him for a long moment before he sighed softly. "Why?"

"Because I want to." Severus knew he sounded like a two year old, but he didn't care. He didn't want to do this and the headmaster couldn't force him to.

"That's not a very satisfactory answer, Severus."

Severus clenched his jaw, irritation starting to seep into him. He hadn't wanted the old man to interfere. He had told him so, numerous times. He had planned everything so carefully and everything had been going so well and now the old man had ruined everything!

"I want to go back to Azkaban," He said, his voice getting firmer and stronger, fuelled by his anger. He pushed himself up and leaned against the wall, feeling weak and exhausted but too angry to care.

"You've said as much. I would like to know why. You can't make me believe that you miss the Dementors."

Severus glared at him. "Because I don't want to be here!" He cried out, wanting to throw something at the stupid old man for not understanding. His throat didn't like the volume he was using and he nearly doubled over, a hacking cough racking through him before he swallowed a few times and went back to glaring at the headmaster.

Albus gave him a long look before he nodded to himself, as if confirming something. "So that's what this is all about."

Severus discovered he was breathing hard, his anger having worn him out. He closed his eyes and leaned back, not wanting to listen to anymore rambling.

"I have to admit, you had me puzzling over this one, Severus. I didn't understand why you had gone and turned yourself in, and your confession to the aurors just confused me more. If you truly felt that you had played a significant part in Lily's death—which you didn't—then you wouldn't have confessed to dozens of other crimes. You would have wanted to put all emphasis on what you wanted the world to believe you thought was your fault. Then I thought that perhaps you really wanted to stay in Azkaban, but you and I both know that you would have done no good at all in prison."

"No, I would have died in a few more weeks and then it would have finally been the end," Severus spat, not bothering to open his eyes.

"Why in Azkaban? You were letting yourself waste away just fine here. Why Azkaban?"

"I felt it was the only appropriate way to let Nadia and Evans and the rest of them finally get some peace. An appropriate ending to a disgusting life."

The headmaster leaned forward. "Severus, you've been through so much, my boy! It's been tough but you've always managed to come out of it one more or less one piece. This is no different—"

Severus felt a mirthless laugh welling up in his throat and he felt tears stinging his closed eyes. He opened them and felt his anger and grief coiling inside of himself.

"You think this is no different than the other times? You think I can just bounce back from this!"

"You've done it before—"

"No, I haven't, you stupid, old man! That wasn't me! It was her! I got this far because of her! Don't you understand that?" He realized he was screaming and tears were streaming down his face, sobs choking his words but he didn't care. "I'm not strong and I'm not brave and the only reason it looked like I was, was because she was the one holding me up! It was all her! All her! Not me! And now she's gone and I've got nothing left! I don't want to do this anymore and I can't do this without her! Don't you get that! She's gone and I'm nothing!"

"Severus, that is not true! Lily would be first to say that—"

"It doesn't matter what she would have said because she'll never say anything again! Don't you get that? She's dead! Dead!"

Albus grabbed the trembling hands and tightly held onto them when the screaming, sobbing young man tried to rip them out of his grasp. "She isn't gone, Severus! Don't you understand that? She—"

"If she's not gone then where the hell is she? Huh? Where? I'll tell you, she's nowhere! She's gone and I—"

The rest of his words were swallowed up by his sobs and he was shaking too hard, the sobs tearing through his body so harshly that he couldn't speak anymore.

Dumbledore sat onto the edge of the bed and pulled him into his arms. Severus buried his face into the older wizard's robes and sobbed so harshly that his body ached. Albus cradled him in his arms, running a hand through the tangled hair and letting Severus release the torrent of grief he hadn't allowed himself to release.

"She's not gone, Severus. The people we love are never truly gone. They live on inside of us." Severus continued crying but Albus knew he was listening. He gently kissed the dark head and started rocking them back and forth.

"It is the duty of the living to carry on with our lives and to do what those who are no longer here didn't have time to do. But they don't ever leave us completely. The gifts they had given us while they were a part of our lives live on inside of us and it is our duty to use those gifts in order to do for them what they can no longer do for themselves."

"I can't do what she would want me to do, Headmaster," Severus sobbed into the damp robes.

"Of course you can."

"No, I can't. She was my strength and my courage and my light. I don't have any of my own."

Albus pulled Severus up and held his face between his hands, using his thumbs to wipe his tears off his cheeks. "Of course you do, Severus! Lily never gave you her own strength and courage and faith! She merely taught you how to find and use your own! That was her gift, Severus, and you must continue using it even if she is gone! There is so much in this world that she would want to see done and now she's depending on you to see to it that they are done."

Severus was weakly shaking his head. "I can't do it without her."

"Yes, you can! Lily always believed you could do anything you set your mind to, didn't she? And so do I and Gorgon and everybody else who has ever loved you!"

Severus thought this one over for a while, still clutching Albus' robes. "But what if I mess up again? I did before and I could again. She would hate me—"

"She could never hate you, Severus. She has always known about the mistakes you have made but she has never allowed them to mean your life was over. She always taught you to see light in the midst of the darkness, didn't she?"

"I'm scared, Headmaster. I've never had to do this on my own."

Albus kissed his forehead and gave him a gentle smile. "You won't be on your own. Ever. You have me and you have Fawkes and Gorgon and Hogwarts. And what's more, you have Lily living on inside of you. Use the gifts she gave you and she will watch over you from wherever she is now. You will never be on your own, Severus, even in your darkest moments."

Severus suddenly remembered Evans laughing and twirling through the fog in his thoughts while in Azkaban. She had always given him a smile and told him something, but he had never been able to hear her.

Now he knew with a certainty that he couldn't explain that she had told him something she had told him on that fateful day. The last day he had ever seen her.

"_Keep that chin up, Sev. It's no good going through life tripping over your own nose."_

She really had followed him into the deepest darkness he had ever stumbled into and she had still managed to keep him together, even if she hadn't really been there.

He sniffed and stared at the headmaster. "She wouldn't want me to just give up."

"No, she wouldn't. She would want you to be strong and tough."

He wiped the tears off his cheeks and leaned against the headmaster's shoulder.

"I don't know if I can figure out how to do this without her."

Albus tightened his arms around him. "You'll figure it out, my boy. It won't happen in a day, but you'll figure it out."

He felt tears welling up in his eyes again. "I miss her so much."

Dumbledore went back to rocking them back and forth, waiting until Severus' tears had run out again. He quietly hummed one of the Elfish lullabies he had heard Gorgon sing to Severus on numerous occasions. Just as he had hoped, the sound was enough to calm the crying young man, and after a few more minutes, Severus slipped back into sleep.

XXXXXX

"—awake?"

"He was for a while, Gorgon, but he went back to sleep. He might be up and about by now, though. Go on in and take a look."

Groggily, Severus opened his eyes again, feeling much more refreshed than he had the previous time. He still felt a heavy weight in his chest. Remembering what had put it there, he felt his throat closing up again, but he swallowed harshly. Don't think about Evans. Don't think about her.

He could hear voices speaking outside of the room and he immediately recognized his elf's voice.

Merlin, he was going to be angry with him. Beyond angry. Severus pushed himself upright, briefly marvelling over the fact that he didn't feel hungry or thirsty. The headmaster had probably fed him water and various other potions while he was half asleep.

Well, at least he would be awake enough to fully appreciate the fit his elf was about to throw.

Sure enough, moments later, the door quietly opened and the old elf peeked inside, obviously not wanting to disturb him if he were still asleep.

When he saw the Severus was sitting up in bed and didn't look nearly as close to death as he had the day before, the elf threw the door wide open, letting it bang off the wall and then flew across the room and lauched himself onto the bed.

"Young master!" Gorgon screeched, sounding both angry and unbelievably relieved.

Severus nearly fell over as Gorgon grabbed him around the neck and gave him an enormously tight hug. Severus wrapped his arms around the elf and held onto him, never wanting to let him go. He had missed his elf fiercely.

"Gorgon, I'm sorry—"

"No, no, no. Young master not start. Young master needs rest and food and sleep. Gorgy not wanting to hear explanations right now."

Gorgon released him and immediately started fussing with the bed covers and stared critically into Severus' face, trying to determine if he needed more potions.

Severus grabbed his elf hands. "Gorgon, I'm fine. We need to talk about this."

Gorgon shook his head. "No, no. Young master needing more potions. Gorgy go getting them—" He was about to launch off the bed but Severus kept hold of his hands.

"No, Gorgon. I need to apologize and I can't do it if you're running around like mad."

"Gorgy said already, young master not needing to apologize. This mess was Gorgy's fault. Gorgy not try hard enough to help young master and Gorgy not do enough—"

"Gorgon, stop it!" Severus gave the elf a mild shake until he was looking at him. "None of this was your fault, elf! I'm not four years old anymore! I'm an adult now and I make my own choices. You did your best and you tried your very best to help me but I wouldn't listen. That isn't your fault, don't you understand that? Just like when we left school to go to master, that was a choice I made. I knew how you felt about it and you warned me about it a hundred times, but I didn't listen."

"No, it Gorgy's responsibility to keep young master out of trouble. That what mistress wanted."

"Yes, when I was four! My mother never meant that every bad decision I make for the rest of my life would reflect on your ability to be my caretaker! You've always done your best to help me see things the right way and even if I didn't, you always came with me anyway, even if you knew it would end up in a huge mess."

"Gorgy not go this time. Gorgy abandoned young master and Gorgy not doing his duty!"

Severus could feel Gorgon tensing and knew the old elf wanted to fly off the bed and start pounding his head on the floor, but Severus didn't let go of him.

"You didn't abandon me, Gorgon! You think I don't know that you would have come with me if you could have? You think I have ever doubted your loyalty or your love? Don't be ridiculous! Why do you think I forbid you to follow me? Would I have done that if I doubted that you would come with me?"

"But Gorgy should have been punished for doing bad things!"

"What bad things, Gorgon? I told you already that you've always done your best. It's not your fault I was a messed up and difficult child and now I'm an even more messed up and difficult adult! You've always done your best to guide me in the right direction and you've never abandoned me and you've been with me through everything. But you didn't deserve Azkaban. The only crime you've ever committed was to stand by me through all my bad decisions and stupidity, but that's no crime at all. I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for you and you know that."

Gorgon relaxed and stared at him, his eyes filling with sorrowful tears. They stared at each other for a long moment before Gorgon gently carressed Severus' cheek. "Gorgy was so scared. So scared. Thought he would lose his young master forever."

"Even if you had, it wouldn't have been your fault! Do you understand that?"

Gorgon slowly nodded, tears streaming down his face. "Gorgy understands but Gorgy still scared. Gorgy try so hard but things so difficult, young master. So difficult."

"I know. But we've somehow made it this far, haven't we?"

Gorgon sighed. "Yes, we did. Not easy but we did."

The elf moved over and sat down beside Severus, crossing his legs and going back to performing various diagnostic charms on Severus and critically studying the shimmering, colorful strands which streamed out of him.

"So, what we do now?" Gorgon mumbled, picking apart some green strands and narrowing his eyes at them while he examined them from all angles.

Severus sighed but was careful not to move too much, knowing movement messed up the readings. His legs and arms felt unusually heavy and he leaned against the headboard, feeling drained and exhausted again, despite the fact that he had woken up three minutes before.

"I have no idea. We don't exactly have anywhere to go, do we?"

"Headmaster saying we could be staying here as long as we needing to."

"Been gossiping about me again, huh?"

"No. Just discussing future," Gorgon muttered, pausing to throw him a wide grin.

Severus briefly narrowed his eyes at the elf, but then went back to thinking about their problem.

"We can't just stay here and hide out, Gorgon. We can't keep living off the headmaster's hospitality indefinitely without doing a thing for him."

"Well, that very rude, yes. Also, Wizengamot had strict probation restrictions."

"What restrictions?"

"Young master not remember?"

"I hardly heard a word of what was going on at the trial, Gorgon. The veritaserum cleared up my head a little bit and I remember muttering some nonsense, but I don't remember what was said."

"Well, Wizengamot was very merciful. They say young master get three years of probation and have to check in with ministry once a week. Young master also has curfew from nine in evening to six in morning, must find and keep job and have place to live. Ministry will check with job employer and check home to see that everything is okay. Also needing to go in for random drug testing and need to stay drug free, and not associate with wrong sort of people."

Severus smiled faintly but there was no trace of humor in it. "Like Lucius Malfoy."

Gorgon's eyes narrowed and he muttered a particularily foul elfish word concerning Lucius Malfoy's personality, but then nodded. "Yes. No more Lucius Malfoy."

"Well that's a loss."

Gorgon sighed and examined the results of another charm, pulling the purple strands apart. "Young master needing more protein."

Severus waved a hand. "I'm fine, Gorgon. Where are we going to go?"

"Gorgy have no idea, young master."

"Well, it's not like we have a lot of options. I might not be in Azkaban, but everybody knows I was a Death Eater. Nobody's going to give me a job."

Gorgon frowned. "Well, young master very good potions master."

"No. Technically, I just have my school diploma. I don't have my master's certification, Gorgon."

"Yes, that problem. People want piece of paper."

"And it's not like I can put the Dark Lord down on my list of references. And I can't say I apprenticed under Antonin Dolohov either, can I?"

"Well, no. That not be smart move."

"So I have no qualifications that anybody's going to take seriously, except for people in Knockturn Alley and the like, but if I mingle with that crowd, then the ministry is going to be all over me for breaking my probation restrictions. I suppose we could find a way around that, though. If people don't want to be found, then Knockturn Alley is the place to go. We've got lots of connections in the alley still, elf. Xavier, Fergio, Jib—I bet they'd give me something to do and take care of the ministry when they come snooping."

Gorgon frowned. "Young master, we getting into enough trouble living outside of law. Gorgy thinking it time to live by the rules—"

"We can live by the rules and starve or we can disappear in the alley and live. Those are our only options, elf."

The old elf bit his lip and sighed deeply, knowing it was true.

Severus stretched, grimacing at the faint pain in his arms. "Besides, it's not as if we've ever had a legit job before anyway, and we've spent the better part of the past four years in hiding. We might not be good at a lot of things, but we can do those things perfectly."

"Gorgy still not like it, young master. Why we not asking headmaster?"

"Because the headmaster has already done more than enough for us and I don't want to burden him with this. We'll just lie and say I found a job somewhere in London and then we'll disappear. We'll write him letters from time to time to keep him happy."

"Young master forgetting that headmaster vouch for him! Many people very upset that headmaster doing that. He losing lot of friends and respect in past few weeks. If we running away from ministry then headmaster get blamed!"

Severus bit his lip, realizing that that was true. Damn it.

"Fuck, he should have left me in Azkaban. At least there I didn't have to worry about this shit."

His elf frowned. "Young master not using such language while in headmaster's rooms."

Severus sneered at him. "You know it's true."

"No, it not true. Gorgy would not be able to live if young master die in Azkaban, alone and scared. True, we not see good solution right now, but anything better than dreadful place."

Severus sighed. "In a way I wish master were here, Gorgon. He would tell us what to do and we wouldn't have to think about it, just do it. Life was easier."

"Life was terrible with Dark Master and young master not forgetting it."

Severus winced, knowing it was a terrible thing to say. So many people—including he and Gorgon—had suffered at the Dark Lord's hands, but he was finding it difficult to make decisions and decide what to do on his own. He had been told what to do and when and how to do it for so long that thinking for himself was difficult.

They fell into a silence, thinking in circles about their situation. Anyway they looked at it, they couldn't possibly fulfill all of the ministry's probation conditions without messing up their lives or somebody else's life.

While they sat there, voices drifted in from the adjacent office. Immediately, panic flooded Severus. "Quickly, elf! Put up silencing charms and get under the bed!" He was throwing the covers off his legs, his hands scrambling to find his wand but only meeting empty air.

"Young master calm down! It alright!"

"Alright? Those people out there might come in at any moment and see us, elf! Keep your voice down and get under the bed. We'll have the element of surprise on our side if they decide to barge in first and attack later!" He hissed.

"We not have to hide anymore!" Gorgon grabbed his arms and gently shook him until Severus was gaping at him.

"What?"

"Young master free now. Dark Lord is gone and war is over. We not having to hide anymore."

Severus blinked at him. The concept sounded so strange to him that he momentarily believed his elf had gone mad, but then he realized that the words were true.

Freedom.

It was a concept he hadn't even allowed himself to think about for years and now he was having difficulty grasping it. They had spent so long hiding in shadows and darkness, always avoiding people and having to run errands during the night. The thought that the people in the office presented no threat to them seemed surreal.

"It alright. Gorgy knows it difficult. It take time to recover from war and Dark Master not being here anymore. Young master not feel ashamed about that."

Severus settled back against the pillow, but he still felt tense. A part of him knew that the headmaster was right out there and he wouldn't allow anybody who wished him harm to just barge in here, but he still couldn't release the reflexes which had been ingrained within him in recent years.


	52. Chapter 52

Path of Shaded Light

Chapter 52

Author's Note: Before anybody remarks on it, yes, yes, I know I made a mistake with canon again. Since I started writing this well before HBP came out, I made up Professor Bodin as the former potions professor and head of Slytherin house and I obviously can't change it. However, in order to be able to carry through with canon in future parts, you will all meet Horace Slughorn in this chapter and I do my best to explain my little 'blunder' concerning Professor Bodin. I apologize in advance to the canon-fiends who will glare at me for it. I also apologize for the language used in this chapter. You'll see what I mean.

'Who will wake them? No one ever will. No one ever told them that a summer day can kill. They were schoolboys, never held a gun. Fighting for a new world that would rise up like the sun. Where's that new world now the fighting's done?'

- 'Les Miserables' by Herbert Kretzmer

(original author: Victor Hugo)

Sighing, Albus re-read the budget report Minerva had flooed up to him for his final approval. Now that the war was over, his entire staff seemed to think that victory brought with it wads of money and that they were now entitled to the supplies they had gone without. True enough, potion ingredients, school desks, second-hand brooms and cauldrons were once again readily available, but the money to get them wasn't anywhere in sight.

He heard a grinding noise as the gargoyle on his bookshelf turned to look at him.

"Professor Bodin is approaching, headmaster. He's got a student with him."

"Any idea which student?"

The gargoyle was silent for a moment. "Second year Slytherin. Tabitha Coolridge."

Albus sighed. As if he didn't have enough things to deal with these days, there was the constant, ever growing problem of the Slytherins.

"Professor Bodin is on his way up, headmaster."

"Thank you."

He put aside the parchment with the budget on it and leaned back, mentally preparing himself.

Moments later, the sound of two voices arguing reached him and somebody knocked on his door. He waved his hand at it, opening it and put a smile on his face.

A harried looking Professor Bodin stumbled in, half dragging a blond haired young girl, who was snarling at him and glaring.

"Headmaster, I'm terribly sorry to disturb you like this—"

"Not at all, Raymond. Please, do come in and have a seat. Ah, Miss Coolridge, a pleasure to see you again."

The girl tore herself out of Bodin's grasp—who hadn't gone to sit down but was standing by the door with his arms crossed, obviously blocking an escape route should the girl decide to use it. She huffed and threw herself into a chair, glaring at Bodin and then at the headmaster. "Fuck you," she snarled in response to the greeting.

Albus' smile became slightly more strained, but after years of dealing with Slytherins such as Tabitha, he was anything but unaccustomed to this.

"Tabitha! Mind your manners!" Bodin hissed at her.

"Oh, fuck you too, Bodin!" she yelled at her head of house before going back to glaring at the headmaster. Bodin jumped and recoiled from the insult and paled but didn't say anything else.

Albus continued smiling politely. "What seems to be the problem?"

Professor Bodin opened his mouth but Tabitha interupted him. "This piece of shit here won't give me back my meth."

"I explained a million times that drugs aren't allowed in the school, Tabitha," Bodin started, sounding like he had had this conversation a hundred times already.

"Fuck you and your rules! I don't care! I paid good money for that meth and it's mine and you've got no right to take what isn't yours, bitch!" She turned to the headmaster. "It's the last day of school, right? So I went to Bodin and asked for my meth back because I want to celebrate, and he says he won't give it back to me. Then I tell him to pay me what the meth was worth, but the cocksucker says no."

So far the tale wasn't any different than any of the other times Tabitha Coolridge had been sent up to his office. There had to be more to this. "And then what?"

"Then I set his stupid carpet on fire and tell him I'll set the rest of his office and him on fire too if he doesn't give me back what's mine! Then the moron drags me up here even though none of this is any of your damn business!"

Bodin sighed and wearily rubbed his temples. He looked like he was about to start in on her again, but then couldn't summon up the energy. He collapsed against the door and shot Albus a pleading look.

"Miss Coolridge, you realize of course why Professor Bodin confiscated your drugs?"

"It's the stupid rule," she sneered and then sat up straight. "But I don't give a rats arse about your stupid rules. You can stuff them right up your arse along with the broomstick you keep wedged in there."

"Tabitha!" Bodin gasped, shooting Albus an embarrassed look.

"Fuck you, Bodin!"

He had shrunk back again but he clenched his jaw. "You can't use language like that in the headmaster's office!" He said, trying to sound firm but it came out sounding more like a pleading whimper.

"Mind your own fucking business! I can use whatever language I want, you piece of shit!" She was half way out of her chair and Bodin's hands leapt to his pocket where he kept his wand, obviously anticipating an attack. When Tabitha saw his reaction, she smirked and rolled her eyes at him. "Pathetic little bitch, aren't you?"

Albus felt a headache coming on. He mused that he should really be more used to this by now, but he had really been hoping the last day before winter vacation would end without him having to deal with anymore of this.

"Leave Professor Bodin alone, Miss Coolridge."

Bodin looked so relieved that he seemed close to tears at having had the headmaster intervene. He still didn't go any closer to Tabitha and kept his hand down by his pocket.

"Miss Coolridge, not only can you not have any drugs in this school, but once they have been confiscated, you can't have them back—"

"They're mine you shit sucking c—"

"If Professor Bodin had stolen them from you then I agree that he should return the meth to you or pay you what it cost you, however, confiscating material not allowed in the school isn't theft, it's enforcing rules." Dumbledore continued, keeping his voice smooth and firm and not allowing himself to get riled by her words. Not that it mattered. She was rolling her eyes and slumped back in her chair, staring at the ceiling and trying to convey in as many ways as possible that she wasn't listening to a word he was saying.

"Fuck your rules, Dumbledore!"

"Furthermore, you destroyed a teacher's personal belongings and threatened him. Do you realize I could expel you for this?"

"Fine. Expel me. Throw me out. I don't give a fuck!" She slammed her fists onto her armrests of the chair.

"I don't want to do that, Miss Coolridge. Now, it is the last day of school, however, you have opted to stay behind over the holiday so I think it's fitting that you serve your detentions with Professor Bodin over the break."

"Fuck your detentions. I'm not going to any detention."

"You will if you want to stay in this school, Miss Coolridge."

She leaned forward in her chair until she was nearly nose to nose with him.

"Make me, bitch."

Albus kept her gaze and refused to back down, even though Bodin had flattened himself against the door and looked amazed that Albus wasn't fleeing.

"You will conduct yourself in the manner expected of a Hogwarts student if you wish to—"

"Whatever," she said, pushing herself off the desk and strode towards the door, obviously expressing her completion with the conversation.

When Bodin simply stared at her, she put her hands on her hips and sneered. "Get out of my way, Bodin. Now."

He leapt out of her way and she yanked the door open and strolled out.

"You'll start your detentions tomorrow morning, Miss Coolridge."

"Fuck you, Dumbledore!" she yelled back over her shoulder as she slammed the door.

Her departure left the office silent.

Albus took a deep breath and rubbed his temples.

"_Fawkes, deliver a message to Minerva for me, please. Tell her to go down to Raymond's office and to intercept a certain Miss Coolridge, who is undoubtely there to get her—belongings back_."

"_On my way, Albus_." Fawkes lifted off his perch and disappeared in a ball of fire.

Then Albus turned back to Raymond, who had slowly lowered himself into the chair Tabitha had occupied.

"Well, I guess it was too much to hope for term to end on a pleasant note, hmm?"

Bodin was quiet. He had lowered his face into his hands and just sat there.

"If she doesn't show up for her detention—which she undoubtely won't—then come see me, Raymond. I'll talk to her again and tell her we'll simply send her back to the group home for the break if she won't do it. That still leaves the issue of her detention unfinished, but we'll discuss that in January. The very thought makes me dread the new year so we won't mention it until then," Albus chuckled softly and sorted through his papers again.

He heard his potions professor and head of Slytherin house murmur something into hands.

"I beg your pardon, Raymond?"

He slowly raised his head and stared at the headmaster, his expression absolutely exhausted and defeated.

"I can't do this anymore, Albus."

"I told you, leave Tabitha to me."

He was slowly shaking his head. "It's not just Tabitha. It's all of them. They all hate me and won't listen to me and I can't control any of them."

"Not all of them, Raymond."

"Those few random ones who do actually go to class and conduct themselves properly are barely distinguishable amongst the hordes of the—the Tabithas."

"We've just had a few tough years."

He let out a strangled laugh, sounding close to years. "Few tough years? Slytherin house has turned into a joke, headmaster."

"Raymond, surely—"

"No, Albus. I don't want to hear you make excuses. Not anymore. This is my fault. All my fault. I know you've always done your best to convince me otherwise, but I know it's my fault. I just—I just don't know how to handle them, Albus. I don't understand why they do the things they do and they hate me for it."

"Raymond, a lot of the students have been neglecting their schoolwork in recent times. War creates stress and doesn't leave a lot of room for worrying about school work."

"It's not the school work, Albus! I've ruined them and I've ruined that house, don't you understand? All week you've been going to Death Eater trials, haven't you? How many of them were former Slytherins, huh? How many?"

Albus sighed but didn't respond, knowing it was true.

"You see? I should have been able to do something. I should have found a way to make them respect me and themselves, but I didn't. I couldn't figure out how and I've failed them."

"Raymond, you're pulling too much blame onto your shoulders. Slytherins have always been difficult people."

"Too much blame? Go and ask Neela Green's mother who she blames for her daughter killing herself at sixteen."

"Neela left the school along with her friends because of the words of a recruiter sent from Voldemort whose job it was to charm her and convince her to leave."

"But don't you see? I should have been able to stop her. I should have found a way to put my foot down and keep that man from coming here. I told him to stay away, I forbid her to go and see him, I increased curfew, but every action of mine was only met with more anger on her part. If she didn't want to go see him, then she only kept doing it to irritate me. Don't you understand? Dozens of Slytherin students deserted and either died or are in Azkaban now for the rest of their lives because I couldn't help them! I am their head of house, Albus, I am supposed to watch out for them and keep them safe, but I just don't know how." Bodin shook his head, fighting back tears. "I can't do this anymore, Albus. Everytime I close my eyes, I see Neela and Capella and Severus and all the others. I failed them and I allowed Slytherin house to sink into the joke that everybody knows it is. I can't do it anymore. I won't."

Albus looked at him, not knowing what to say. On the one hand, he couldn't stand seeing the quiet, gentle man blaming himself for something which had been as much Tom's fault as his own, but on the other hand, Albus couldn't deny that Raymond had never run Slytherin house well.

"What do you want me to do, Raymond? Do you want me to go down and help with supervision? Perhaps changing the curfew again would—"

Bodin was shaking his head. "No, Albus. The only thing which can save Slytherin house—if such a thing is possible—is changing me. And I can't do that. I don't understand Slytherins and they know it and they hate me for it."

Albus finally understood where this conversation was leading. "You want to resign?"

"It's for the best, Albus. I wanted to years ago but I knew that finding a replacement during the war would be difficult so I held on, but I can't do it anymore. Those children need something that I can't give them and I've already destroyed too many of their lives."

Dumbledore sighed deeply but knew that it was the truth.

"Will you at least finish the year?"

Raymond looked down at the floor, a faint tremor cursing through him. "Albus, I will if you can't find anybody else, but I don't want to. Please don't make me."

"Raymond, is this about Tabitha?"

"Not just her, Albus. All of them. They terrify me and they know it. I can't sleep at night anymore. The dead ones haunt me in my sleep and the living ones terrify me when I'm awake."

Bodin drew in a shaky breath and stared at the headmaster, his eyes sad. "I'm sorry, Albus. So sorry. I just can't do this anymore. I've done enough damage and you can bet they won't be in tears about finding out that I'm gone. I just can't do it anymore."

Albus nodded, knowing that Raymond would stay if he asked him to but knew that it wouldn't be fair.

"I've—I've made up a small list of possible replacements, Albus." A shaking hand reached into his pocket and handed Albus a small list.

Dumbledore took the list from him and set it down on top of the budget. Suddenly, deciding how many brooms they could afford to replace took second place to an even bigger problem.

Not only did they have two job openings, but both jobs required very specific people to fill them and were unfortunately jobs that nobody would want.

Albus sighed. It was almost enough to wish for war again. Almost.

Dec. 15th, 1981

Hogwarts School

"Horace, please. Only until the end of the school year. That's all I'm asking."

"Albus, I don't know how many other ways I can say this, but my answer is still no."

"I've asked everybody else and you're the only one with the experience and the availability."

"No, Albus. I'm sorry."

"Horace, why?" He knew he sounded like a whiny ten year old, but he had been on the floo and writing letters all week and getting one rejection after another.

"I told you, Albus. Bodin ruined that house and I won't have anything to do with it anymore."

"There has to be more to it than that. You could turn things around."

Horace paused and folded his hands in his lap while Albus tried to keep the grimace of pain off his face. He really had to remember to put a carpet down before kneeling infront of his fireplace for hours one end. He was getting too old for his knees to put up with this.

"Albus, there are bad seeds in that house. There always have been and always will be and I won't have anything to do with them anymore. They insult everything Salazar stood for."

"It wasn't that bad back in your day, Horace."

"_He_ was one of my Slytherins, wasn't he?" Slughorn's voice was suddenly hard and his jaw was clenched. "You can't get any better than that, can you? Sure, Bodin might have kept his ranks swelled, but I was the one who raised their leader, wasn't I?"

"Tom was a bad seed from the start, Horace. You can't change people like that."

"No, but there were things along the way I could have done differently, but I didn't."

Albus frowned. He had always known that Horace was very sensitive about mention being made of him having been Lord Voldemort's head of house, but he never realized how badly it was still effecting him. True, Horace had resigned his post in the early seventies right when Tom was rising to power and Albus had become aware of his true identity.

"What things, Horace?"

Slughorn suddenly paled and gaped at him, before pulling a smooth mask of grieved despair over his face. Albus had caught the expression change and mentally stored it away as being something he had to explore later.

"I was too busy pruning my growing stars for lives in the ministry. The ones who didn't want to go the political route, I ignored them and let them flouder around on their own. You see what floudering left him with, don't you?"

"Horace, it wasn't your—"

"I marked his papers for seven years, Albus! I spent seven years telling him how bright, brilliant and wonderful he was. And not just him. Lestrange, Avery, Dolohov. All of them sat in my class day after day and smiled at me and laughed at my jokes."

"I told you, Horace, it wasn't anything you did."

"Maybe not. But I won't go near that lot again, you hear me? I'm not going to help raise more of those monsters."

"Horace, I have a house full of angry little teenagers and nobody who can handle them. Please."

"Then you should just disband the house and scatter them through the rest of the school. Maybe it'll dilute the savagery."

"Horace—"

"No, Albus. I refuse to go near that house again. I've had enough."

XXXXXX

Lowering his spoon, Severus pushed the bowl of oatmeal away from himself, grimacing.

"_It can't taste that awful. Gorgon put lots of sugar into it_."

Sighing, Severus closed his eyes as he leaned back, a hand on his stomach. "_Fuck off, bird. It's not the taste. I just can't put more than four spoonfuls into my stomach without feeling like vomiting it right back up_."

"_Well, you nearly starved to death. You can't expect to just bounce right back_."

"_Thank you for that utterly obvious reminder_."

"_There's no need to be so snippy_."

"_Shut up_."

Fawkes twittered and turned around where he perched on the edge of Severus' bookshelf, sticking his beak into the air.

"_Yes, that's right. Sulk all you want. I don't care_."

Fawkes didn't respond and Severus shot him a glare. He hated admitting it but he had actually missed the annoying phoenix in recent weeks. He had become so accustomed to having the bird as a constant companion in his head that it was strange having his thoughts to himself.

The phoenix had also taken to spending a lot of time down in Severus' room, much more than he had before the war. Gorgon had said that Fawkes had been terribly upset while Severus was in Azkaban, but Severus couldn't believe that the bird would miss him. All he had ever caused him was anxiety and stress. Now that the bird was free to once more do what he did best—sit and preen and eavesdrop on the headmaster's conversations—Severus couldn't understand why he wanted to spend time with him if he didn't have to.

He raised his spoon again and forced another mouthful into his mouth. He felt his stomach clenching, but forced himself to chew and swallow.

He felt a small push at the back of his mind, and instantly, set his oatmeal aside.

"_Bella_?"

"_Sevvie! Oh, I've missed my Sevvie so much_!"

"_I know. I'm sorry. I haven't felt much like talking_."

"_Were you all glum_?"

"_Yeah_."

"_Would you like me to sing you a song_?"

"_If you want to_."

She launched right into one of her loud, disjointed mess of sounds which she was convinced souned better than any lullaby anybody could ever come up with.

He forced another spoonful into his mouth, meeting Fawkes' curious glance.

"It's Bella," he said outloud. Having two conversations simultaneously in his head was still beyond him.

Fawkes nodded and chirped, obviously wanting to know how she was doing. "She's singing."

Fawkes rolled his eyes and went back to preening. Some things never changed.

Finally, she stopped and squealed in his head.

"_That was really nice, Bella. Thanks_."

"_Wait, Sevvie, I'm still clapping_."

"_Right. Sorry_."

There was silence for a moment, during which Bella was probably hammering her fists onto the floor of her cell, applauding her efforts.

"_So where is Sevvie now_?"

"_At Hogwarts. The headmaster got me out_."

"_Oh, that's good. Sevvie doesn't do well with Dementors_."

A shudder ran through him at the thought of the creatures. That was quickly followed by the continuous dream of Evans running and twirling through the fog which had plagued his dreams every single night during his incarceration, but he pushed all those thoughts aside.

Don't think about her. Do anything but think about her.

"_No, I don't_."

"_Will the headmaster get Bella out too_?"

"_I don't think so_."

"_Oh. I'm getting bored of being here though, Sevvie. How long do I have to stay here_?"

He sighed. He felt terrible for having to say it, but she would never understand why she would have to stay locked up in a dark hole for the rest of her life.

"_A while longer, Bella_."

"_How long is a while longer_?"

"_I don't know. Your sentencing hearing is the day after tomorrow, right? They'll tell you then_."

"_Do I get to see you at the hearing_?"

"_I don't think it's good for me to go, Bella. Those people don't like me very much_."

"_Then I don't want to see them either_."

"_Bella, it's not like that. Everybody has to go see them. I did too_."

"_But I won't like them at all, okay? Not at all_."

"_That's fine, just….just try to keep it together, alright? No screaming, no fussing. They'll say some things and you'll just sit there quietly and ignore them, alright_?"

He was terrified of Bella causing a scene and being sentenced to the Kiss. He might never be able to see his bondmate again, but if she was given the Kiss, she wouldn't be able to use the bond anymore and she would be completely alone.

"_Okay. I'll be good. Really good_."

"_Good girl. Are you eating enough_?"

"_I fight with the rats all the time, but I win a lot of the time_."

"_That's good. Just don't suck on them, alright? They're dirty_."

"_But they make crunchy noises_."

"_Yeah, I know, but you still shouldn't suck on them or chew on them, alright_?"

"_Can I once in a while_?"

He sighed. "_Fine. Once in a while_."

He lifted his spoon again but his appetite was suddenly worse than it had been five minutes ago. He pushed his bowl to the side.

"_Oh, Sevvie, the Dementors are coming. I have to go scream at them_."

"_Okay. Have fun_."

She squealed in his head. "_Oh, I will_."

Her voice disappeared from his head and he turned off their bond, not wanting residual sounds of Bella going head to head with Dementors carrying into his own head.

"_How is she doing_?"

He let out a hard chuckle. "_How she always is. Tough and crazy. She's doing alright. She's just bored_."

Fawkes shook his head. "_That woman needs a hospital, not Azkaban. What sort of punishment is prison when she just thinks it's a long singing party_?"

He sighed. "_I don't know_."

He pushed the remains of the oatmeal around his bowl, knowing Gorgon would have his head if he came in and saw it still half full.

"_Did you eat half of it_?"

"_Yes, I did, mother. Thanks for asking_."

He put the bowl down. When he glanced at it a moment later, he saw that it had been magically emptied.

He shot a glance at Fawkes, but the phoenix was busy picking at his feathers.

"_Very smooth, bird_."

"_Well, I was a spy for a few years, wasn't I? I did pick up a thing or two, thank you very much_."

XXXXXX

There weren't many people in the world who could claim to have the talent to say something which left Minera McGonagall speechless and gaping like a fish on the sand.

He folded his hands and patiently waited for the color to come back into her face and for her mouth to close and her mind to start up again.

"Albus, you have to be joking."

"I assure you, I'm not."

"But—but—I—it—you—"

He had more talent than he had originally thought. That was twice in under two minutes. He wouldn't ever let her forget this.

Then he forced his mind back onto the converation at hand and the reason his head of Gryffindor thought he had gone mad.

"Minerva, I've given this a great deal of thought—"

"Great deal of thought! You got off the floo with Horace not two hours ago! Until then, you were almost certain that he would take the job."

"I admit, things would be a bit easier if Horace would take it, but he flatly refused and I don't think he'll budge. He doesn't want to go near the house."

Minerva snorted. "He's not the only one."

"Which is why this is the best possible solution."

Minerva stared at him and slowly shook her head. She leaned forward in her chair and clasped her hands on his desk, staring at him and speaking slowly as if to a child.

"He has no qualifications for this what so ever."

"Not true. You and both know he's got the intelligence that a professor would need."

"He might have knowledge, but he doesn't know the first thing about teaching. Come to think of it, he doesn't even have his certifications."

"I don't think anybody would dispute that he knows a thing or two about potions, Minerva."

"Of course he does, but he doesn't have his master's licence. I'm afraid that the ministry won't be very impressed with You-Know-Who vouching for his ability to brew things."

"Tom couldn't vouch for anybody about anything anymore."

"All the more reason that the ministry would laugh in his face."

"You and I both know that the ministry has looked the other way about such things when the people in question come with my recommendation. Look at Sybill. She doesn't have a master's license either, but you couldn't find anybody around her who knows more about her—her area of expertise than her."

"Alright, fine. He has the knowledge to teach potions, or any other subject should he care to try it, but doesn't know the first thing about teaching."

"He could figure it out, Minerva. He didn't know the first thing about spying either, and he learned quickly enough, didn't he?"

"He has no patience for people with intellects less than his own."

"He tutored Lily for long enough."

"Yes, he yelled, badgered and glared at her until she did it to his satisfaction."

"And she turned out to be one of the best aurors the ministry has ever seen, didn't she? I won't say that I favor his methods, but they do get the job done, don't they?"

Minerva slowly shook her head. "Albus, you're speaking as if you're actually going to give him the job. Do you know how this would look?"

"How what would look?" He knew perfectly well what she was talking about, but he needed time to formulate the proper arguments so he pretended to play dumb. He might have the heart of a Gryffindor, but his mind had always run more like a Slytherin's.

"How would what look! Albus, he got out of Azkaban a few days ago, he was a Death Eater, he dropped out of school, he was a drug addict and to top it all off, he's nineteen years old!"

"Twenty."

"I beg your pardon?"

"He turned twenty in August."

"Oh. Well, pardon me. Twenty makes a great deal of difference when there are students here who are eighteen and some nineteen years of age! He'll never get their respect, Albus."

Albus' eyes twinkled at her. "Trust me, Minerva. He has had experience with being in charge of people close to his age, and in fact, people very much his senior. I don't believe it'll be an issue."

"What sort of a role model would he be setting for the Slytherins, Albus? Half of them are still upset that they never got to join You-Know-Who before the war ended and the other half are heading down the very same path he was on not so long ago. They'll see him and keep right on going."

"That's where I think you're wrong. I won't deny he was on the same path as many Slytherins with us today, but turned around and has never looked back. I don't think you could get a better role model for them. He's been exactly where they all are today and he knows what's going through their minds and how they feel, but much more than that, he knows what lies at the end of that road and I believe he would do everything he could to keep them from following that same path."

Minerva leaned back in her chair and stared at him. "Albus, this is mad. The ministry will have your head over this."

"I'm looking forward to it."

"Albus, please think about this a bit more. He murdered a seven year old girl."

"You know as well as I do that that was an accident and isn't a scenario likely to be repeated. In fact, the very reason Severus fights so hard against relapsing is because of Nadia Geller."

"Are you sure you couldn't convince Horace to—"

"Minerva, I'm going to ask you to trust me on this one, alright?"

She sighed and glanced up at the ceiling, as if searching for hidden strength in the ceiling tiles. "May Merlin help us."

"You would be better off asking Salazar for help, Minerva."

She glared at him and he fought unsuccessfully to swallow the chuckle with rose in his throat.


	53. Chapter 53

Path of Shaded Light 

Chapter 53

Author's Note: So, here we are. Another ending before another beginning. I want to send all of my gratitude to the many wonderful people (you know who you are) who have taken the time to read and review (even you silent readers and anonymous reviewers who I can't thank personally but who I very much appreciate). You all make writing such a joy and keep my muse going. I've already gotten started on the third part 'Path of Twinkling Dusk', but until we get there, I hope you enjoy the ending of 'Shaded Light'. Have fun reading and drop me a line to tell me what you thought!

'We all have a past. What matters is now.'

- _Star Trek: Voyager_

Tom Paris to Seven of Nine, 'Day of Honor'

Dec. 17th, 1981

Hogwarts School

Feeling as if he were ten years old again, he knocked on the office door. He still cringed as he walked down the light flooded hallways, unaccustomed to being in the castle during the day. He still stayed clear of any students who had opted to stay behind over the winter holidays. It wasn't difficult and so far, nobody knew that Severus and Gorgon were living in their old room, except for the staff and the elves.

"Come in."

Severus pushed open the door and stood aside for his elf to pass in first.

Gorgon cheerfully greeted the headmaster and Severus mumbled a greeting. He felt exhausted from the long climb upstairs.

"Sit down, sit down."

Severus took his usual seat and Gorgon sat in the one beside him, both of them using the same seats they had sat in for the past ten years.

"What did you want to see us about, headmaster?"

Albus offered them cups of tea, which Gorgon accepted and Severus declined. After a glare from his elf, Severus took a small biscuit and chewed on the edge half heartedly.

"I wanted to discuss what your plans for the future were, if you had any."

Gorgon and Severus exchanged a look. They had discussed it a number of times in recent days, but had always ended up arguing over it and never reaching a conclusion.

"We've thought about it, but we haven't really come to any conclusions, sir."

"Problem is, we not having good qualifications for respectable job, headmaster. We could be getting unrespectable job in alley—we having lots of contacts still—but that breaking probation requirements."

"Yes, it would. Have you decided to honor the restrictions?"

"We're going to do our best, sir. But nobody would want to give us a job which the ministry wouldn't raise their eyebrows at."

"So you're at a bit of a stale-mate?"

Gorgon lowered his cup and sighed loudly. "Bit of stuck-mate, yes."

"Stale-mate, elf."

"Right. Stack-mate. It very unfortunate."

Severus rolled his eyes at his elf but then focused back on the headmaster. "By when would you like us to leave, headmaster?"

"Leave?"

"You've put up with us for much too long already. We can't stay here indefinitely and eat your food and sleep under your roof without giving anything back."

His elf was nodding and Albus looked back and forth between them before he clasped his hands on his desk and leaned forward.

"What if there was a way you could give something back?"

Severus frowned a bit suspiciously, realizing for the first time that the headmaster had been leading the conversation in this direction since they had first walked in the door. His elf's amused smirk told him that the old elf had figured it out quite a while ago.

Severus swallowed an annoyed sigh at not having figured it out sooner—he could almost hear Salazar grumbling something about 'obvious deception' and 'elementary concepts' — but decided to play along.

"What do you mean, headmaster?"

"It just so happens that I have two job openings—both of which could be filled by the same person."

"And what jobs would those be?" Severus tried to not smirk at him and waited calmly to be told that Hagrid needed an assistant with wrestling the giant squid and grooming unicorns.

"I need a Head of Slytherin house and a potions master, who would also be a potions professor."

Severus frowned and exchanged a confused look with his elf. "What about Professor Bodin, sir?"

"Raymond resigned a few days ago, leaving me with a big problem—actually, two big problems, which I desperately need to solve before January the fourth."

Gorgon was frowning too. "Headmaster, we very sorry but we not knowing anybody suitable for teaching children and being potions master. We knowing some potions assistants yes, but most in Azkaban, and others run far away, and none of those should be close to children anyway."

"Besides, all the Slytherins we know are either in Azkaban or should be in Azkaban, sir. I'm afraid we really don't have anybody to recommend."

"That's quite alright. I was going to offer you the job, Severus."

Severus blinked a few times, thinking he had heard wrong. "As I said, headmaster, I could look around of course, but I have no—reputable connections."

"Dear, I was offering _you_ the job. Both of them."

"_Me_?"

Severus gaped at the headmaster but Gorgon's face had split into a wide grin. "Elf, quit grinning. He's obviously joking."

Albus smiled. "I assure you, I'm quite serious."

Severus stared at him a while longer, waiting for the headmaster to start laughing and give up the ridiculous game he was playing, but it didn't come.

"Sir, that's completely insane."

"I understand there is much evidence to point to the contrary, but I assure you, I'm still capable of making somewhat sound decisions."

"You want to put me in charge of Slytherin house and make me Hogwarts' potions master?"

"Yes."

Severus tried to discreetly study the headmaster's face, his mind going through the signs which would indicate that a charm or potion had been used to bewitch the headmaster. Then he started worrying over why somebody would do this and who it could be. Right away, his mind was running away, worrying over where Lucius was at the moment, what Macnair was doing, whether one of the elves in the school had betrayed them at the last minute and was now exacting revenge for having been robbed of the chance to join his or her master before the war ended. By getting him a job at Hogwarts, an outsider could murder the headmaster and then frame him for it. He wouldn't have any evidence to refute the crime and his history would ensure that Crouch wouldn't think twice about throwing him back into Azkaban, this time for good.

Gorgon elbowed him sharply in the side. "Young master stop thinking rubbish."

"I wasn't thinking rubbish, elf," Severus whispered out of the corner of his mouth. He tried to think of a good reason to get his elf to come to the bathroom with him so they could discuss his suspicions privately, but Gorgon was rolling his eyes.

"This not dark plot, young master! Headmaster not bewitched and there nothing tricky here!"

"Keep your bloody voice down and how the hell do you know? There might be a hidden tactical advantage behind offering me this job—"

"Nobody needing tactical advantages anymore, young master! War is over!"

Severus blinked at him and then slowly looked at the headmaster, who was still smiling at him. "I assure you, I'm in my right mind and this isn't a trick, Severus. You can ask Minerva and she will confirm that I discussed this with her not two days ago. Besides which, Gorgon is completely correct. Lucius and the others are much too busy keeping their noses clean and trying to stay out of Azkaban to have time to hatch elaborate plots."

Frowning back and forth between the two people—one of them smirking in amusement and the other smiling patiently—Severus slowly started accepting that this conversation was just what it had started out to be—the headmaster offering him a job.

That put a whole bunch of new worries onto the table.

"So let me see if I understand this. You want me to be Head of Slytherin and potions master?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because you have all the qualifications that I would look for in a Head of house and a potions master."

"Sir, I dropped out of school."

"And you went back and finished, didn't you? With stellar grades, might I add."

"I was a drug addict, sir."

"And you quit two and a half years ago and have never relapsed."

"I think about relapsing fifty times a day!"

"But you never have, have you? That's what's important."

"I was a Death Eater, headmaster!"

"And you were also a spy and there are hundreds of people who owe their lives to you and the risks you took to keep them safe."

"But nobody knows about those risks, sir. We've discussed that and agreed to keep it quiet. As far as anybody else is concerned, they think I'm a Death Eater who fed you some lies and coasted out of Azkaban on your cloak tails. They'll never allow me near children."

"Thankfully, the opinions of people such as those who choose to make it their business to pass judgement on people without knowing all the relevant facts don't matter at this school."

"The ministry—"

"You leave the ministry to me. I have full authority in the school and I will make it quite clear that this was my decision and not due to any elaborate plan they'll accuse you of hatching."

"Headmaster, I don't even have my master's licence for potions."

"Do you think you have the relevant knowledge to teach anything on our potions syllabus?"

Severus gave him a look.

"Yes, I thought so. Once again, let me deal with that."

Severus stared at the headmaster, realizing that none of his arguments held any water and that the headmaster was seriously prepared to add him to the staff rooster. Not to mention, transfer headmanship from Bodin to him.

Him. Head of Slytherin house.

Severus gave his elf a look of pure panic—who was still grinning and nodding wildly—and then stared at the headmaster.

"Headmaster, I can't do this."

"Of course you can, my boy."

"I have no idea how to be a head of house. Especially this house. If you would remember, I never had any friends in Slytherin and never learned how to be a Slytherin."

Dumbledore gave him a long look. He had hoped that Severus would come to realize on his own how uniquely suited he was for the job, but it was obvious that Severus had never really stopped to think about how much he had really learned in recent years.

"Do you honestly believe you aren't every bit a Slytherin at heart?"

Severus blinked. "Well, perhaps a bit…"

"Severus, why do you think I had such a firm belief that a seventeen year old could spy on the dark forces successfully?"

"I have no idea, sir. I have always just assumed that it—well, at 150 years of age, thinking such things are expected."

Albus chuckled. "What an absolutely polite way of saying you think I'm senile, my dear."

"I beg your pardon—"

"Not at all. You see, there is my proof. You didn't come out and openly insult me—which would be a very disadvantageous move—but you still got your idea across. It was very Slytherin of you. You see? You have always been a Slytherin, but until you started spying, you never used or honed your Slytherin skills. Now you think and act every bit the Slytherin."

"Everybody always claims Slytherins are defined by their lack of compassion and brutality."

Albus tilted his head at him. "Do you honestly believe that is what Salazar stood for?"

"No, sir. I just assumed I had it all wrong."

"No, Severus. You see, everybody else has it all wrong. Especially these days. Not only do people outside of these walls have it all wrong, but the children in Slytherin have it all wrong too. I'm afraid Raymond isn't a Slytherin and has never been in a position to bring across the values of that house very effectively. As a result, the children only have the stereotype society sets for them to go by."

"Which is why recruitment increased dramatically in the past two years."

"Precisely. Joining Tom was known to be what Slytherins did. None of them really understood the politics or the war behind it all. They only followed in the footsteps of the elder students and lived by the stereotypes the rest of the school and society set for them."

Severus frowned. "That's absurd, headmaster."

"I very much agree. Slytherin house has fallen into chaos and destruction in recent years. The children need to be taught to understand what it really means to be Slytherin and how to live like a true Slytherin."

"And you think I could somehow do this?"

"Yes, I do."

"How!"

"Borrow some of my lemon drops."

Severus gave the headmaster an exasperated look while Gorgon and Albus dissolved into laughter.

After waiting a few moments, Severus cleared his throat. "If we could get back to the problem at hand, headmaster."

"Of course. Please forgive an old man."

"Manipulative old coot more like it."

"There's the spirit!

"Headmaster, would you please explain to me how the hell I'm supposed to do this? I have no idea what a head of house is even supposed to do, or how to deal with a bunch of Slytherins."

"You did it before."

"I did it knowing I had Bella at my right hand and the Dark Lord right above me, ready to severely punish any sign of defiance or disobedience. I don't have that here."

"No. You'll just have to learn how to get respect and punish wrongdoers on your own."

Severus stared at him, wanting to throw something at him. "How the hell am I supposed to do this!"

There was that damn smile again. "You'll figure it out."

XXXXXX

That very evening, Severus apparated to the ministry with the headmaster. Their first stop was the probation office at the MLE department where Severus checked in with his probation officer. He signed all the relevant forms and allowed himself to be scanned for recent drug use. After the scan came out as being negative, the officer started asking him questions regarding how far he had come in searching for a place of residence and a job.

Severus had stared at the officer for a moment, knowing he was now sealing his fate for who knew how much time.

He could still make up some lies and disappear into Knockturn Alley with Gorgon, but he knew that he honestly didn't want that life. He had lived in shadows and danger and been around dishonest, slimy and cruel people for a long time now and he found himself craving for a normal life. He doubted he'd get that at Hogwarts, but he knew one thing for sure. He had never felt as safe anywhere as he had at the school and he had all the people he was close to and none of the people he was scared of or despised there. Not only that, but he would be able to check off two items on his probation list and stay on the ministry's good side from now on. Who knew when he would need the ministry's cooperation in the future? Salazar had pointed out long ago that Lucius wasn't wasting his time messing around with the ministry and trying so hard to stay in their good books. Never destroy potential connections if you don't know what use they might be to you in the future, Salazar had said. The ministry would fall into that category.

Severus almost smiled, realizing how very Slytherin that sentiment was. Obey the law not because it was the right thing to do, but because it benefited him to do so.

Looking the officer right in the eye, he nodded and declared that he was going to live and work at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

XXXXXX

The wizards and witches sitting on the board of governors stared back and forth between Severus and the headmaster, none of them knowing quite what to say.

Not allowing this to bother him, Albus started producing sheet after sheet of parchment, merrily chatting nonstop the entire time. He explained that he had just hired Severus Snape as his new potions professor and head of Slytherin house and he was sure he would do an exemplary job. Before the protests could really start, he explained that he knew Severus' history—probably better than any of them here did—and was well aware that he had been a Death Eater, drug addict and had a criminal record and was currently on probation, and that despite that, he felt Severus was the best person for the job. Then he went on to push the evidence proving these facts under their noses.

"As I am sure you are aware, the appointment of employees falls under my authorization, as stated in section 32.7 of the school charter—"

He handed the relevant parchment to a woman in the front row, who didn't even glance at it as she handed it to someone behind her.

"And as I'm also sure you're aware, Severus Snape's NEWT scores were exemplary—"

Another sheet was handed to the woman, who, like her collegues, didn't look at it but simply passed it on, all of them still staring at the headmaster with disgust, horror or disbelief, or an odd mixture of all three.

"And here is the scan result from the drug test just administered, proving that there isn't a trace of drugs in Severus' system. As I am sure you're not aware—but of which I will now enlighten you—some drugs take months to completely leave your system and since magical detection methods are even more precise than muggle methods, this report here shows that he hasn't used in at least five months—"

The paper was handed over with a flourish.

"Last but not least, I will of course agree to a trial period, as I do with all my new professors. Mr. Snape will have a year to prove to me that he is capable of taking on the responsibilities of his new roles and is trustworthy. The board is of course more than welcome to drop by and inspect the school and Mr. Snape at any time. If the board feels there is something lacking, I will take it into advisement, and if I deem his performance inadequate at the end of the year, I will of course find a replacement."

With a smile, Albus gave them a small bow and then turned to leave. He slowed his pace as he neared the doors and gave Severus a small wink.

As predicted, one of the board members finally found his voice. "Just a minute, Dumbledore!"

Albus turned on his heel and smiled politely. "Yes, Bernie?"

"You can't possibly be serious about this."

"Oh, but I am. As I explained, nobody else wanted the position and I believe there isn't a better person out there for this job."

As predicted, the outbursts started immediately, all of them trying to voice their opinions at the same time.

"He is a Death Eater and a murderer!"

"You can't possibly allow him near children, Albus!"

"He'll exploit them and start running drugs through the school, you just wait!"

"He's bad rot just like the others in that house, Albus! I keep telling you, disband the house and spread them out and don't allow their foul morals and savage ideas infest your school anymore than they already have."

Albus listened to the outpouring of enraged exclamations and outrageous accusations, all the while smiling politely.

Severus stood in the doorway, keeping his face carefully blank but inwardly seething at some of the remarks. It really was true. Slytherin house had built quite a reputation for itself, some of it warranted but none of it upholding the ideals Salazar had meant the house to possess. He had been too busy with the war to ever take the time to notice what was going on in his old house. It had never particularily interested him where the new recruits were from, but it had seemed strange to him that in the past two years, the majority of them had been Slytherins from Hogwarts. It hadn't really interested him one way or another until now.

He found himself actually starting to have a bit of stubborn pride in his house. None of these people knew what it meant to be Slytherin. In all honesty, he hadn't known until Salazar and Evans had taught him a few things. He found himself suddenly wanting to prove to the board that Slytherin house could still be saved and could still be a house which produced proud, intelligent, strong people.

This sentiment surprised him so greatly that he felt a momentarily flash of fear race up his spine. What the hell was he talking about? He didn't have a clue how to go about this, he didn't even know if he could force someone to pay attention to him without being able to use Bella or the Dark Lord as very genuine threats. And here he was, thinking that he could find a way to save the house.

He nearly rolled his eyes.

The headmaster's sentimentality was rubbing off on him already. And he hadn't even been back in the castle for a month. Either that, or he was getting old. Probably the latter.

He saw the board members looking at him and nearly sneered at them, but stopped it just in time and stared back at them evenly. He realized he had missed the last barrage of arguments, but he didn't care.

Stepping forward, he calmly stepped past the headmaster. Turning to the board, he cleared his throat and stood up straight, glad that his elf had washed his robe the night before. His boots were still filthy but they were hidden beneath his robe so nobody could see them anyway.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the board, if I may speak for a moment?" The grumblings slowly died down and they all stared at him. He found himself once again speaking softly, not having the courage to raise his voice in front of a crowd. He found it didn't matter. All of them were paying attention. Glaring, sneering, looking like they wanted nothing more than to spit on him and grind him into the ground, but they were listening.

"I realize I am not the ideal person for this job. I have made many mistakes in my life, all of which I would change if I could go back and redo those periods of my life, but I obviously can't. However, I can try and make up for the wrongs I have done. I have already done so during the war when I spent two years passing information to the headmaster. Furthermore, I turned myself in and have been in court and was willing to pay whatever punishment the Wizengamot dealt me. It's not my fault that they sentenced me to probation, but I swear to you that I intend to honor the restrictions placed upon me and live my life appropriately from now on. I realize you despise me, but I also realize that you despise my house. Slytherin house—just like myself—has made many mistakes and has paid for them—oh yes," he said, seeing the skeptical eyebrows rising. "— you will never know how many Slytherins died scared, alone and in pain after running away to a dream which faded before their very eyes. But that's beside the point. The point is, I believe I can help Slytherin house regain its former glory and that we can help each other become more productive members of our community. You don't like me, and you certainly don't like my house, so really, you have nothing to lose. If I fail, the headmaster will ensure I never go near the school again, but if I succeed, I might be able to prove some of you wrong about Slytherins."

The board members stared at him, most of them still glaring. Finally, one of them turned to Albus, completely ignoring Severus.

"The board doesn't accept this appointment, nor do we feel that Mr. Snape is in any way fit for any position except for being in prison. We feel this is an abhorent decision on your part and we will do everything we can to force you to reconsider. Furthermore, we will be starting a motion to have you dismissed as headmaster if you don't reconsider."

Albus' eyes twinkled at her and he smiled politely, giving her a nod. "Those are your rights, Celina. I shall see you in court."

Turning on his heel again, Albus walked out, smiling and humming to himself. Severus shot the board a glare before he turned and followed the headmaster out.

As they walked down the corridors to an Apparation point, Severus couldn't help but think that life had been slightly easier during the war.

XXXXXX

"_Sevvie, guess what?"_

"_What?"_

"_I went and saw Barty's dad today."_

"_That must have been fun."_

"_I almost hate him more than Barty. He was really mean."_

"_How did Barty do?"_

"_Oh, he was being a baby. He doesn't like the Dementors and thought if he fussed enough that they'd let him go. He was being whiny and crying the whole time."_

"_Well, that's hardly a surprise. Were you a tough girl?_

"_Oh, yes. I did exactly like you said. I sat there and listened and was good. Just at the end I had to remind Grouchy that master would come and get us when he comes back so it doesn't matter what the wizards in the funny robes said."_

"_What did Crouch say?"_

"_He said we have to stay here for a whole long lifetime. Do we really, Sevvie? It's boring."_

_He sighed. "Yeah, Bella, you do. I know it's boring, but at least you don't have to worry about finding a job or finding a place to live."_

"_Sevvie, I wish master were here. Life was simpler then."_

"_I know."_

"_When will master come back, Sevvie?"_

"_I don't know. Maybe not for a long time."_

"_Oh. Then I'll just sit here until he does."_

"_That's a good idea, Bella."_

"_Sevvie, can you come stay with me?"_

"_I don't think I can, Bella. It's better if I stay at Hogwarts for now."_

"_So you can keep an eye on the headmaster?"_

"_Yeah. When master comes back, he'll want to know what he's been up to."_

"_That's brilliant!"_

"_It took a lot of thought."_

"_Sevvie, will you talk to me everyday?"_

"_Sure."_

"_Promise."_

"_I promise. We went into this together and we go out of it together, remember?"_

"_Always."_


	54. Chapter 54

Path of Shaded Light 

Chapter 54

'What is faith but persistent hope in the face of relentless doubt?'

- _Andromeda_, 'Decay of the Angel'

Dec. 21st, 1981

Hogwarts School

"_Bird, don't castle again."_

"_Why not?"_

"_Because you always start castling on your third move and playing chess with someone who's every move is so damn predictable is boring."_

"_Fine, play with someone else then."_

"_Don't be stupid."_

"_Can I castle?"_

"_Whatever."_

They both looked up as the door to the office opened and Albus walked in, grinning.

"Well, I hope you haven't changed your mind."

Severus put his pawn back down. "I take it the courts sided with you?"

"Oh, the board put up a good fight, but I had the Wizengamot and the charter on my side. Congratulations, my boy. You are now officially Professor Severus Snape, potions professor and Head of Slytherin house."

Albus had at one point stepped forward and was shaking his hand while Severus gaped at him. A part of him had hoped that the board would win and he wouldn't be given the position. Now he had it, and he still didn't know what the hell to do about it.

"Headmaster, I have no idea how to do this."

"I'm not worried. I have every confidence you'll figure it out. You always do."

Severus stared at the headmaster and then exchanged a worried look with Fawkes.

"Headmaster—"

"Now, if you have a few moments, there are some important details we need to clear up immediately. After dinner tonight, Filius, Pomona and Minerva will be dropping by for the head of house ceremony, and Raymond has started compiling all the material you will be needing. There are also some minor details we need to discuss up front."

Stepping around his desk, Albus sat down and gestured for Severus to sit down. Dropping into his chair, Severus stared at the old man, every last hope that this had all been a joke evaporating.

"Now, Raymond has started moving out of his quarters in the dungeon and you may move in in a few days time."

"I don't really have anything, sir."

"That's quite alright. I'm giving you an advance on your first pay cheque and you and Gorgon can go down to Hogsmeade or Diagon Alley and get yourselves anything you will need."

Severus frowned. "Pay cheque?"

"Yes, of course, dear. You didn't think you would be working here for free, did you?"

"I just assumed that my payment would be food and a place to sleep."

Albus smiled gently. "That's included, Severus. There are certain things called benefits, including a medical plan and a free hook up to the floo network in any rooms you wish."

"Benefits?"

"I see Tom never bothered explaining that he was employing you all completely illegally."

"Headmaster, working for the Dark Lord was illegal in every sense."

"Yes, and even from the labor board's point of view. Anyway, I'll be giving you a copy of your first contract—valid for one year—and you should skim it over and ask me about anything that isn't clear." Shuffling some papers around, Albus leaned back in his chair. "Now, some more important matters. How much do you use your wand these days?"

"My wand?"

"Yes."

Severus shrugged. "Not much at all, sir. I've been using wandless magic for almost everything."

Albus smiled proudly, but then frowned. "I would appreciate it if you re-accustomed yourself to using your wand for everything. Wandless magic scares a lot of the younger students and encourages the older students to try it. I don't think I need to mention that practicing wandless magic has resulted in severe accidents in the past. I don't like my staff to encourage the activity."

"You let me practice wandless magic."

"Yes, but never unsupervised. Fawkes and Gorgon were always around to regain control if things got out of hand. Besides, you're quite a powerful wizard, my boy, and started practicing basic spells well before the ministry would deem it acceptable or safe. I realize that's not your fault and Gorgon has always supervised those attempts quite adequately. I'm sure you realize that your situation has always been quite unique."

"That's one way of putting it, sir."

Albus smiled sadly. "Yes, quite. Now, would that be acceptable?"

Severus shrugged. "It will take some practice, but it won't be a problem."

"Now, as for magic itself, we encourage using verbal spells as much as possible around the first through fourth years to set good examples and to emphasize that the things we try stuffing into their heads aren't just rubbish but have practical applications. Non-verbal magic is recommended for the upper levels."

"Of course."

"As for dark magic…" His voice trailed off, and he looked firmly at Severus, who sighed and gave him a pleading look.

"Can we please not go over this again?"

"I won't start the old argument again. I realize now that we will never see eye to eye on this issue, but I am confident that in recent years you have grown to see that although you don't use dark magic to harm, very many of your former collegues did. You must remember that students in this school come from many backgrounds and witnessing dark magic will encourage some to use it for practical, good purposes, but will encourage others to practice using it to harm. You must also understand that dark magic has gained as bad of a reputation in your house as the house itself has. I must ask you to please set a good example and not use any."

Severus felt a small lurch in his stomach at hearing it addressed as 'his house', but then nodded. It would take some adjustment, but he could do it. He knew without a doubt that he would want to do anything to keep any young Bella's and young Barty's from learning anything from him which they could use later on to cause harm. He might not be able to control their personalities, but he could control what type of weapons he handed them.

"Of course, sir. I understand."

"Additionally, I wanted to ask if the concealment charm you've put on the collar is very taxing to keep up."

"Not very, sir. I'm getting used to it."

"Splendid. If it gives you problems, let me know and we can look for another solution. I don't think I have to say that revealing the collar would lead to very uncomfortable questions."

Severus snorted.

"On another note, I'm sure you've started getting a fair impression of what Slytherin house is like these days. I will leave Raymond to give you the details, but I will warn you that steering that house back onto the right path won't be easy."

"How am I supposed to steer anyone anywhere, sir? I can't even steer my own path most of the time without messing up."

"Which is why you will succeed. Besides, you have two weeks to come up with a battle plan, and the entire staff and myself are at your disposal and will do everything we can to help you."

"How do the other staff view Slytherin house?"

"I will admit that there are some severe prejudices against the house, but none of them are unwarranted. Teachers have been insulted, threatened and hexed by Slytherin house for too many years to take kindly to them. However, I have written to everyone and told them to help you in any way that they can."

"So they all hate Slytherins as much as they hated the Dark Lord?"

"I wouldn't go that far, but I shall leave you to discover these things for yourself."

Sighing, Severus leaned back, wondering what the hell he had gotten himself into this time.

XXXXXX

His knees shaking slightly, he walked towards the Great Hall, feeling like he was ten years old again.

"Courage, young master." His elf whispered beside him.

Swallowing hard, he stopped before the door. He suddenly wished that Evans were here too, encouraging him and telling him that it would be alright and he'd be fine.

But she wasn't here. She wouldn't ever be here again.

Feeling that knot of pain starting to tighten in his chest, he forced those thoughts out of his head. Don't think about her. Don't think about her.

He put his hand on the door and saw his elf stepping back. "Where do you think you're going?" He hissed quietly.

"Gorgy not allowed inside, young master! This wizard affair and elves no part in it."

"Rubbish. You're coming with me or I'm not going in."

Gorgon sighed and the nodded firmly.

They pushed open the door and walked in. He stared at the four long house tables, memories flooding him. He hadn't spent a lot of time eating in here, but he found himself suddenly remembering practicing levitation charms on himself, with Gorgon sitting cross legged on the table top as he hovered up to the charmed ceiling in the middle of the night.

He shook these memories out of his head and stepped towards the raised stage, on which the staff table usually sat. It had been vanished away and instead, large symbols covered the floor of the stage. Milling around the symbols were Professors Flitwick, Sprout and McGonagall, the headmaster, and Hagrid. They quietly spoke amongst themselves, and it wasn't until Severus placed one shaky foot onto the stage that Flitwick noticed he was there, and he gave a little squeak and grinned.

"Good evening, Mr. Snape! Or should I say, Professor Snape?" The small professor hurried forward and eagerly shook Severus' hand, who gaped at him, wondering when the hell he had outgrown the professor by nearly three feet. His elf dug his elbow into his knee at which point Severus remembered his manners.

"Good evening Professor Flitwick. It's a pleasure seeing you again."

"Likewise, likewise. It's been quite a few eventful years since we've last seen each other, hmm?"

That was the understatement of the century. Severus frowned down at him, wondering if he was trying to be funny or if he didn't read any newspapers.

The other professors had turned around and Albus strode forward. "Ah, there you are! Now, introductions are of course unnecessary. You will recognize the majority of the staff except for our new Divinations and DADA professors, whom you'll meet at the start of term."

Professor Sprout had stepped forward and was giving him a hard look. Her lips were tightly pressed together and she stiffly offered her hand for him to shake. She didn't say anything so he didn't either. She discreetly wiped her hand on her robe after pulling it away from him and he glared at her.

Minerva saw the exchange and stepped between them, frowning down her nose at both Pomona and Severus for their respective rudeness.

"A pleasure to see you in these better circumstances, Professor Snape."

"Likewise, Professor."

Hagrid was standing over Professor McGonagall and smiled down at Severus, who stopped himself just in time from taking a large step back. The usual hint of fear raced through him. He clamped down it, irritated with himself. He had faced a lot more dangerous and intimidating people than giants in recent years, but even working with a few of them during the war hadn't made him lose his fear of people very much taller and stronger than him. Instinct was difficult to overcome.

"Evening, Professor Snape. It's great seein' ya again."

Severus nodded up at him. "Hagrid." His elf dug his elbow into him again but Severus couldn't unclench his throat enough to say anything else. He figured Gorgon should give him some credit for not actually running out of the room.

"Now then, we all have places to be and things to do so let's get on with it. The medallions, please."

All of them pulled their medallions off their necks and handed them over to the headmaster as Gorgon stepped back, giving him an encouraging grin. Severus reluctantly let go of it, not liking to give it someone other than himself. He had missed having the medallion around his neck while in Azkaban and he had just pulled it out of his desk and put it back on a few days ago. He hated handing it to someone, even if he knew it was the headmaster.

The other heads looked vaguely puzzled as to why he had the medallion and why Raymond wasn't there, but they didn't ask any questions.

Albus placed the medallions on the ground on top of the symbols outlined on the floor. Each medallion was placed on a drawing of the animal representing its house, with the face of the animal pointing towards a center symbol which was of the Hogwarts crest. Other runes and symbols ran around the edges of the animals and the crest, most of which Severus recognized, but was too nervous to try to really think about.

He noticed that the silver badger with glowing topaz eyes seemed quite dusty and the other two medallions with the ruby eyed lion and the sapphire eyed raven were covered in faint scratches. None of them seemed to be used very much or taken care of. He doubted that any of the other heads carried the medallions around their necks.

He knew that he personally would never take it off. Not only had he become accustomed to it as much as to the collar, but he had depended on and benefited from his founders advice more times than he could count. He would probably be hearing lots from the snarky Slytherin in the next few months.

Albus motioned for them all to stand behind their medallions and place their hands in the air above them.

Then Albus nimbly stepped through the four of them and stood above the Hogwarts crest.

Without wasting another moment, he started incanting something long in Latin. He had explained the ceremony and given Severus copies of the text a few hours before and Severus was glad that he had taken the time to read it and translate it fully because he was too nervous to distinguish between latin and dyrulian at the moment.

After he had spoken, rays of brilliant color streamed out of the headmaster, each ray racing towards each head of house in their respective colors. Rays of silver and green raced towards Severus and stopped before his outstretched hand. The rays were side by side, not yet touching, unlike the rays of color for the other heads, whose rays were twisted around each other, sealing themselves together.

Albus turned to Severus and quietly asked him if he was ready to accept headmanship of Salazar Slytherin's house. For one tiny moment, Severus considered saying no, but then thought about what Evans would think about that, and he said yes in Latin.

The words abruptly brought back memories of the last time he had sworn his allegiance to someone and their cause. He couldn't help but hear the words echo in his mind as he responded to the headmaster's other questions.

"Will you accept Salazar's wisdom as your own?"

"Yes."

"_Do you vow that your souls will be eternally mind?"_

"_Yes, my Lord."_

"Will you embrace the values of this house and teach them to those who have been placed in Slytherin's house?"

"Yes."

"_Do you vow that your minds will be eternally mine?"_

"_Yes, my Lord."_

"Will you always protect and guide the children of Slytherin's house to the best of your ability?"

"Yes."

"_Do you vow that your bodies will be eternally mind?"_

"_Yes, my Lord."_

After the last syllable had left his lips, the two rays of light grew brighter and spun around each other, twisting together, sealing his promises to his house and founder.

Then Albus promised his own acceptance of the new head of Slytherin house, and with those words, the rays of color were pulled into their respective medallions lying on the floor.

Severus slowly lowered his hand, feeling a bit shaky. He had never wanted to be in a position to make vows again, but he realized how different this was. He hadn't been forced into this and he wouldn't be killed if he refused. And the headmaster didn't want his mind, body and soul. Instead, he wanted his loyalty, his wisdom and a promise to protect those he had been placed in charge of. Those promises he could keep, he was sure of that.

He realized the headmaster was standing in front of him, holding Salazar's medallion up and putting it around his neck. Severus watched the medallion vanish from sight, but still felt the comforting weight around his neck.

"Welcome back to Hogwarts, Severus," Albus whispered, giving him a smile and putting a hand on his shoulder.

Severus nodded and stared into the twinkling blue eyes. "I won't let you down, headmaster. I promise."

"You never have, my boy. As I said, I'm not worried."

Nodding, Severus stepped back and gave his fellow heads a firm nod, which they all returned, one with a face as smooth as his own, one with a smile and the third with a mild glare.

"If you will excuse me, I have a lot of work to do."

"Of course. Send word with Fawkes if you need anything."

Turning on his heel, Severus strode towards the doors, his elf at his heels. He glanced up at the ceiling as he walked, imagining he could still see himself as a young child, practicing charms in the middle of the night.

He wasn't that small, quiet, lonely Slytherin student anymore.

He couldn't help but stand a bit straighter as he walked, feeling a power settle over him like a cloak.

He had now become the youngest head of house in over two centuries, but more important than that, he was now Head of Slytherin house.

Dec. 22nd, 1981

Hogwarts School

"—and these would be your basic syllabus for second through fifth year…now where on earth is the third year…it was here a minute ago…yes! Here it is! No, wait, that's the sixth year one…oh, here it is!"

Raymond fished another roll of thick parchment out of the boxes sitting on his desk and handed it to Severus, whose arms were nearing the point of collapse.

Severus' headache started throbbing even more. He had woken up with his fingers itching for crystals and his head pounding, and the craving hadn't gotten any better. He couldn't get any breakfast down without feeling like throwing it back up and his hands were trembling too badly to hold up all this garbage, never mind that the whiny droning of the man behind the desk was making his headache worse.

Barely able to see his former head of house over the pile of parchment, Severus called for Fawkes. As soon as the bird arrived, Severus pushed the piles of parchment at him, the phoenix barely catching hold of them before they landed on the ground.

"_Make yourself useful and take those to my room, bird."_

"_Who do I look like?"_

"_A lazy, nosy bird who has gained about five pounds in the past two weeks. It's about time you start getting some exercise again."_

"_Look who's talking!"_

"_Shut up and go, we have lots more to do today."_

He turned back to Bodin, who was gaping at the phoenix, who glared at them both and disappeared, taking the papers with him.

"I—I didn't know the headmaster's phoenix performed menial tasks."

Severus glared at the fidgety man. No wonder Slytherins walked all over him.

"He doesn't. We just have a special arrangement."

"Which would be?"

And what bloody business was it of this man's? "I won't stick a spike through him and roast him over the fire as long as he brings my papers where I want them."

Bodin gaped at him, growing pale as Severus evenly stared back, in absolutely no mood to be polite to the man.

The office was filled with boxes of Bodin's personal belongings and Severus had barely caught him before he had fled, leaving Severus completely empty handed in time for school to start.

He had forced the man to find him copies of each years syllabus, but by the time the man had found them and mumbled his way through some of the highlights—none of which corresponded to the papers he was looking at—Severus had determined that he wasn't going to use this man for anymore advice. It was obvious the man wanted nothing more than to get away from the dungeons and never see them again and didn't care about what state he left them in.

Severus glared at him.

"Is—is there anything else, Professor?"

His head felt like it was about to explode. "No. Get out of my office."

Waving a frantic wand at the boxes, Bodin sent them up to the front hall and hurried towards the door.

"In that case, I'll get going then. I have a long way to go."

Watching him hurry through the door, Severus glanced down at his feet and saw that horridly colored carpet he had despised when he had been a student.

That reminded him of how he had been sent to see his head of house after that day in the library when he had called that Ravenclaw student a mudblood after she had irritated him. Bodin had frowned and stuttered at him, not understanding why had done such a thing. Maybe if the man would have taken the time to understand him more, maybe Severus wouldn't have been so quick to run to Lucius. He knew it was partially unfair to blame the man for all of his problems, but he knew that Bodin wasn't blameless. Why the hell hadn't he tried harder to understand the children he had been responsible for? Maybe Neela Green wouldn't have forced a poison down her throat and died in an abandoned barn.

"Bodin!"

The man spun around. "Yes?"

"Take this dreadful carpet with you."

"Oh. I thought it brightened up the place a bit."

He clenched his jaw, his teeth and his head aching. "If you knew anything about Slytherins, you'd know that we don't want or need anything brightened up."

"Oh."

"And Bodin?"

"Yes, sir?"

"How the hell do I get into the common room?"

Bodin blinked at him but quickly recovered. "Well, uhm, as head of house, you just touch the door and it'll let you in. You can reset the password to anything you want, just say the new word to the door."

Severus nodded and then narrowed his eyes at him, indicating that he was finished with him. Bodin quickly shuffled out of the door.

He slammed the door of the office, hoping that he never had to see Bodin again, especially when he was tweaking. It probably would have bad consequences for Bodin and the headmaster would have to find yet another head of house.


	55. Chapter 55

Path of Shaded Light 

Chapter 55

'A promise made is a debt unpaid.'

- Robert W. Service

Touching his hand to the cold stone wall, he watched as the two serpents carved into the stone unwound themselves from each other and moved out of the way, forming a doorway which shimmered open.

For the first time since he was ten years old, he stepped into his own common room. He immediately gaped at it, never having seen a room in such a disgusting state.

His elf let out a low whistle beside him and mumbled a 'Grindelwald' at the mess and even Severus lifted an eyebrow. Even Evans' dorm room had been cleaner than this. Plates of rotting food lay everywhere amid piles of clothes, parchment and general bits of garbage which covered every couch, chair and bit of the floor. The fireplace was even stuffed full of garbage and obviously hadn't been used in a while.

Before he had time to contemplate the mess any further, he smelt cigarette smoke and glanced through the dimness at a young girl sitting sprawled out in a chair in the corner, a cigarette dangling from her fingers and a scowl on her face.

"Who the fuck are you?"

Severus raised an eyebrow. "Your head of house. Who the hell are you?"

She raised an eyebrow back at him and looked him up and down. "What about Bodin?"

"I sent him packing about twenty years too late."

The other eyebrow rose and she contemplated that for a moment before slumping back down and taking a drag of her cigarette.

"You're too young to be a head."

"You're too young to be smoking." The girl's attitude was starting to irritate him but he wasn't going to take any of her garbage. He had a headache and he wanted drugs and he had to somehow clean the entire common room before the fourth.

"Fuck you!"

He raised an eyebrow at her and stared at her. It appeared that Albus hadn't been joking. He squinted at her.

"How old are you?"

"How is that any of your business?"

He raised his other eyebrow. This was getting tedious. He had no idea how to handle the situation or what Albus would do in this situation. Why the hell did he take this job anyway? He had no idea how to handle adolescents. He hadn't even handled his own adolescence brilliantly, never mind someone else's.

After staring at her for a moment, he decided that Albus would probably smile kindly at her, offer her a lemon drop and ask her how she was feeling.

He guessed that she would probably throw the candy back at him and he really wasn't interested in wasting his time trying to be nice. He was a Slytherin after all, he knew how she thought. She was testing him, trying to see how he would respond and if he started snivelling, she would pounce on the weakness and exploit it from this day forward. Fine then. He'd just pounce before she could.

Flicking his hand at her—and moments later berating himself for having used wandless magic—he Vanished her cigarette and threw her legs off the chair and yanked her up to her feet.

"Hey!"

"First of all, smoking in the common room is from now on forbidden. There is barely any air circulation down here and everybody will have coughed up both their lungs by the time they're fifteen if it keeps up."

She glared and opened her mouth to retort an answer, but he cut her off. He had an advantage and he wasn't going to lose it. Just keep talking and don't let her get the upper hand. He desperately hoped that this would go where he thought it would. Why the hell did he take this job anyway?

"Second of all, I'm your head of house which means you'll stand up and look at me when I'm talking to you. You don't see me slumping on a couch. I expect the same of you."

"Fuck you!"

He waved his hand again—damn it! Where the hell was his wand?—and raised an eyebrow at her.

She smirked at him, obviously thinking his non-verbal wandless spell had malfunctioned and opened her mouth to say something else, only to find that no sound came out of her mouth. Her eyes widened and she started silently screaming at him, stomping her feet and throwing a general fuss.

Great. What the hell was he supposed to do now? Remove the spell? No, then she would think she'd won. Keep the spell on her? Alright, that sounded good. What if her fit got any worse? Well, he could duck anything she threw at him and he was sure she couldn't do non-verbal magic yet. He kept his face blank. Yes, let's just stick to that assumption and pray that it works. If she did throw anything at him, he was sure he could stop it. He had spent the past four years duelling wizards twice his age, power and experience. He could handle a young girl. Sure he could.

She finally calmed down when she saw that her tantrum was having no effect on him. She crossed her arms and glared at him.

He waited, praying that she wouldn't start up again. "If I remove the spell, I expect you to keep your language clean. There is a time and place to sound like you swallowed a mouth full of sewage and this is not it."

She glared mutinously at him and promptly gave him the finger and then turned and stomped up the stairs.

Severus watched her go. Hearing her slam the door to her dorm room a moment later, he glanced down at his elf.

"What the hell am I supposed to do now?"

"Let her go. She get tired of not having voice soon enough, then she come find you."

"Elf, I can't do this."

"Young master just doing it."

Severus stared down at him. "Elf, I hexed a student three times already and made her storm off in a tantrum and term hasn't even started yet."

Gorgon shrugged. "Gorgy thinking it was good."

"Good! Were you not watching?"

"Gorgy watching. And Gorgy liking what he seeing."

"Elf, we have got to get your hearing and vision checked. Seriously."

"Vision fine. Just bit blurry. Anyway, young master listen. Girl not respect young master, that fine. She not respect anybody. But she also not control young master. She push and young master push right back. That is start. She not respect or like young master, but she know that young master is equal opponent now."

"I'm not supposed to be her opponent, elf, I'm supposed to be her head of house."

"These teenagers, young master. Young master like this too. Young master push headmaster to see how far he going and then when he seeing that headmaster equal opponent, he stop pushing and start respecting."

Severus sighed and stared down at him. "You really believe that?"

"Gorgy seen many teenagers in many years. This the only way to handle strong willed, disrespectful teenagers. We fought battle and now we wait to see if she come back to do more battle or if she agrees to truce."

"This is the way it's going to be all the time, isn't it?"

Gorgon shrugged. "We fought one war, now we fighting another one. Raising teenagers is constant war. We carefully picking battles and we carefully picking weapons and we use good tactics and we get through with all alive and good."

Severus wearily rubbed his temples, feeling his headache throbbing even more. "Face it elf, we have no idea what we're doing."

Gorgon shrugged. "That keeping life interesting."

XXXXXX

Digging out another pile of garbage from behind the couch, he raised an eyebrow as he heard a disgruntled squeak and spied a rat scurrying underneath the couch.

"Elf, we've got another one."

Gorgon stepped over the piles of garbage and hurried to the other end of the couch. Both of them looked at each other and counted to three. Gorgon quickly levitated the couch and Severus used his wand to stun the rat and toss it onto the pile by the door.

"Why we not just kill rats?"

"Because I don't need the headmaster or the ministry detecting me using the killing curse, and using anything else on them destroys some of their internal organs."

His elf wiped the sweat off his brow and frowned, before comprehension dawned.

"We using as potion ingredients."

"Obviously. I took a look at the potion stores and they're abysmal. We're going to have to buy half a million things and the less we have to spend money on, the better.."

His voice trailed off as he stared at the carpet below the couch. It was covered with stains and dust, but that wasn't what had attracted his attention. A small piece of the carpet was clean and almost sparkling.

"Elf, take a look at the carpet."

"What?" Gorgon glanced at it and his eyes froze when he saw it. They both stepped closer, wands out and studied the small square of clean carpet.

"Funny how dirt decided not to attach to this piece of the carpet."

"Must be very special piece of carpet."

"Exactly."

Casting a few diagnostic charms on it, he discovered that there was only a very shoddy, weak shielding charm on it, which he obliterated with a wave of his wand. Then he touched the tip of his wand to the piece of carpet, and immediately, the edges of it flared back and the carpet piece curled upwards, exposing a small hole in the ground.

Glancing into it, he immediately saw small, clear bags. Taking them out one by one, he tossed them onto the floor beside the hole, his face darkening as he pulled out more and more.

Gorgon studied the small baggies. "Lots of cocaine, some meth, looks like some crystals too and some heroin." Gorgon picked up one of the bags and shook it, squinting at it. "Very bad quality heroin."

Having reached the last of the bags, Severus bend even more down and grubbed around for what he knew had to be here too.

Finally, his fingers felt them and he pulled out three crack pipes and a rusty old muggle syringe.

Holding the needle between his fingertips, he immediately Vanished it. "I can't believe anybody would be stupid enough to use that contraption on themselves."

His elf frowned. "Doing it wizard way is difficult for muggle borns who not used to it."

Needle use among wizards was very rare. Severus had never used any liquid forms of drugs, despising the amount of work that went into the preparation. Just like the muggle way, the heroin or meth had to be heated until it melted. Instead of loading it into a syringe, a wizard measured out certain amounts of it and lifted streams of the liquid with his wand and then draped it over a vein, whispering the necessary incantation for the liquid to absorb directly through the skin into the bloodstream. The process did leave faint burning marks on the skin, but nothing as drastic as the needle piercings left behind by muggle syringes. Bella hadn't been too fond of the process either but Severus had watched and heard of enough Death Eaters who preferred absorbing to smoking or snorting.

Staring at the piles of drugs, his head throbbed and he realized he was staring at the sparkling green crystals. His hands shook and he couldn't tear his eyes off them. All he had to do was grab them. Nobody would know he had taken it. Nobody would even know if he had done any. He would just do a tiny pinch. Tiny. So tiny that he would be sober again in half an hour. So tiny that maybe even the drug test wouldn't detect it.

Yes, that was what he'd do.

He casually moved closer to the pile and started sorting through it, his fingers trembling as they drifted amongst the small bags of white, yellowish and green powder.

They were so close. So very close. He could see the dim light of the dungeon reflecting on the small crystals, making them shimmer seductively. His headache was gone and replacing was a humming noise, the Banshees uring him to take it. Just take it. One pinch wouldn't kill him. One pinch wouldn't throw him off the path of sobriety.

His fingers shook harder as they neared the small bag.

Suddenly, the bag was yanked out from beneath his finger tips. He felt his stomach lurch at the sudden loss and rage seized hold of him.

Spinning around, he glared at his elf, who was tightly holding onto the tiny bag and was backing away from him.

"Give it back, elf!"

"Gorgy not thinking that good idea."

"Give it back, I was just looking at it!" He snarled, his hand itching for his wand. He was stronger and faster than his elf. He could get it back. The humming in his head increased and he didn't even realize how badly his hands were shaking or the fact that he was sweating despite the chills running down his back.

His elf closed his fist over the bag and Severus knew in a split second what he was doing.

"No!" He leapt at him, knocking him over and clawing for his hand. His elf didn't fight him and allowed him to pry open his hand, only to find nothing in it.

The rage grew and he glared down at his elf, breathing hard. If he killed his elf, maybe his crystals would come back. Yes, that was what he'd do.

As he curled his hands into claws, he suddenly felt himself being thrown off his elf and flying across the room.

He slammed into the wall and slid onto the floor.

He lay there, breathing hard and feeling his rage seeping out of him. He took a deep breath and glanced up, seeing Nadia sitting on the chair before him, dangling her legs and smiling at him.

He felt tears welling up in his eyes and curled up on the floor, not wanting to cry. He had nearly done it again. Damn it, he had nearly done it again.

He felt small hands on him and felt someone pulling him into their arms.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Gorgon." He whispered, sobs racking through him.

"It alright. Gorgy knew it not good idea to be so close to crystals. Gorgy should be acting sooner."

"Elf, don't you dare blame yourself for this. It's my fault. My damn fault."

Gorgon lifted Severus' head and wiped the tears off his cheeks. "Gorgy know it hard. Young master knows too. We always knowing that it goes one day at a time and some days harder than others. Yesterday was good, today not so good and who knows what tomorrow being? For now, we survived and young master still sober and we all alright. That all that matters."

Severus slowly nodded, still feeling ashamed at his own weakness. He had nearly let the Banshees win. In one second, he had been willing to throw everything he had worked so hard for away, just for one tiny pinch.

He glanced over his elf's shoulder and saw Nadia sitting there. _I'm sorry. I'm so damn sorry. I'm really trying, you know that_, he thought.

She just smiled.

His eyes drifted away from her and to Matthew and Braden Caughly, who were staring at the small bags of drugs still sitting amidst the piles of garbage.

He quickly struggled to his feet. "Get the hell away from that!" he hissed at the two of them.

They slowly turned and blinked at him, smiled faintly and moved a bit away from the pile.

His elf frowned. "Who young master talking to?"

"Never mind, elf. Let's just get this junk out of the castle. I don't want to see any drugs in here ever again."

"There probably lots more hiding around common room."

"You think they only hid the junk in the common room? We're going to have to search every nook and cranny in the entire castle, elf. I'm serious. We're going to find every single hiding place that a junkie might use and we're going to get all of it out of the castle."

Dec. 29th, 1981

Hogwarts School

Clutching the small bundle of wild flowers, he slowly glanced around the darkening street, glad that nobody was around at this time of day. It was barely past eight in the evening. Severus had wanted to come later, but then had remembered his curfew. Deciding that breaking his probation restrictions after only a few weeks wouldn't be the wisest course of action, he had decided to come around eight so he would have plenty of time to get back to Hogwarts before nine.

He passed through the creaky gates of the cemetary and started walking up the small pathway which wound amid the tombstones, his boots crunching in the snow.

He squinted at the engravings on the stones, glad that his vision was good enough to allow him to see even the furthest stone from the path.

It wasn't long until he found the two small graves, lying side by side.

He ignored the second grave, not caring about its presence at all. He only looked at the first one, staring at the small words.

_Lily Evans Potter_

_April 4th, 1960 – October 31st, 1981_

_Beloved mother, wife and friend._

Severus snorted, at once despising the phrase meant to sum up her life. It was a generic bunch of words which could have applied to anybody buried in the cemetary. None of those words conveyed what she had truly been.

"Well, I absolutely hate what's written on there. I think you should know that right away." He whispered, staring down at the tombstone.

He could almost feel her standing beside him, snorting too and laughing.

Well, they had to think of something, didn't they?

"Yeah. And saying that you were an annoying, loud red-headed terror doesn't sound very poetic."

He could hear her laughter.

He found himself overwhelmed with her presence, feeling her all around him and suddenly, he felt as if she was standing right beside him.

"I'm sorry for not coming sooner. There were some complications after you ended the war for us."

I did end the war for you all, didn't I? See? I told you I'd finish that bastard and you thought I was just being a Gryff.

"If you think for a second that I believe that you planned it all you're more delusional than I thought."

Look who's talking. You're the one talking to a voice in your head, git.

"Would you shut up? I have a million things to say and do and I can't get it all done or remember it all if you're jabbering."

I never jabber. All of my words are syllables of beauty.

"Anyway. I was in Azkaban for a while."

That must have been fun.

"It was."

Good view?

"Splendid. The headmaster got me out."

That's a surprise.

"I hated him for it. I wanted to die in there. I don't want to do this without you."

Sev, don't hate me for what I did. I did what I had to do. Besides, one of us has to stick around and keep things organized.

He took a shaky breath. He knew he was close to tears but he still had so much to tell her. "Anyway, after I got out, the headmaster gave me a job."

Really?

"He made me head of Slytherin and potions professor."

Well, if that isn't a sign that the world is ending, I don't know what is.

"Bite me, Gryff. It's not like I wanted the job, but nobody else does either. Everybody hates Slytherin house and every person who used to be or is currently in it."

Well, the headmaster does know what he's doing.

"Oh, really?"

I know you'll do great, Sev. You know how they think and you always figure things out.

"Oh and you know that, do you?"

Yeah, I do. You won't mess this up. It won't be easy, but you won't mess up.

"Term starts in six days and I don't know what the hell I'm doing."

You'll figure it out. You've only ever stumbled into one situation without thinking and preparing and you learned from that, didn't you?

"You could say that."

See? You'll do fine.

"I brought you something." He reached into his pocket and withdrew the small silver necklace, the lion dangling from it, its ruby eyes glowing in the darkness.

"I brought you back your bloody insurance."

Don't be mad at me.

"I'm not. I just—" He bit his lip. "I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at what happened."

You can keep it, Sev.

"I told you when I gave it to you that it would look ridiculous on me. Besides, red is a Gryff color."

Kneeling down, he dug a small hole into the dirt by the tombstone. Wiping his hands, he took the necklace and gently let it drop into the hole. Covering it with dirt, he nearly wept seeing the dirt covering it. Smoothing the dirt, he stood back up.

"You said you'd take it back one day. I guess this isn't what you meant, but it does belong to you."

He stared at the grave, wishing there was a way to walk away from it with her beside him. He couldn't imagine going back to Hogwarts without her, never mind living the rest of his life without her.

He swallowed a sob and felt tears streaming down his face.

"I miss you so much. I miss talking to you. I miss arguing with you. I miss having you saying stupid things and making me laugh. I just miss you."

I know. I'm sorry I can't be there anymore.

"A lot of good you being sorry does me. It didn't make you drink hot chocolate with me in the kitchen at midnight or wake me up on christmas day to open presents."

I'm sorry, Sev.

He sighed, wiping tears off his cheek. "I'm sorry too. I'm scared, Evans and I need you to be here right now."

Sev, you'll do fine. Just keep your chin up and use your head.

He tightened his hands around the small bundle of wildflowers, only now remembering that he had them.

"I brought you something else too. I picked them on the edge of the Forbidden Forest the other day. I had a hell of a time finding some in the dead of winter, but I figured they were appropriate."

He gently laid them at the base of the tombstone.

No expensive roses, huh? I should be insulted.

He snorted. "Roses are for Narcissa Malfoy. I thought you'd appreciate these more."

I do. Thank you.

He had spent hours grubbing around in the forest, finally having to ask Hagrid for help. He hadn't asked him any questions, just showed him some small wildflowers which still grew despite the cold, damp weather and snow which covered the ground.

He had pulled them out of the ground, realizing he felt a hint of respect for the tough little flowers. It was strange really. People prized beautiful, bright, frail flowers and never regarded the smaller, tough wildflowers.

They were odd little things really. Tough enough to last through the hottest summers and the coldest winters. Beautifully bright colored—brilliant red, blue, yellow and purple amid the white snow and dark bark of the trees, who couldn't hold onto their own colorful leaves in such weather. They looked so out of place, but instead of fading away and disappearing into the ground, they stood proudly amid the snow and rain puddles, proud of being different and tough.

Just like Evans.

He arranged the little flowers, careful to brush the dirt from their petals. He knew that they would fight to stay alive as long as they could, just like the person on whose grave they lay.

He traced the letters on the tombstone, tears running down his face. "I miss you so much, Evans. You can't imagine how many times I thought about the war ending and getting to spend more time with you. Xira was looking forward to running around with Elixa and you and we could have gone to eat ice cream and spend the whole day lazing around."

I wish I were there, Sev.

"Me too, Evans. Me too."

He brushed some snow and dirt off the top of the tombstone and then grimaced when more snowflakes landed on it. It had started snowing at some point but he hadn't noticed.

Glancing around himself, he made sure he was alone and then carefully cast a few charms on the tombstone, ensuring that the snow and rain which would pelt it over the decades stretching before him wouldn't erode its surface. He didn't cast a charm to keep weeds from growing on the grave, knowing that she would like having wildflowers and grasses growing over the dirt.

"Don't tell anyone about the charms."

Darn, I was just about to run off and tell the ministry.

He took a shaky breath, willing himself not to cry. "I have to go back to school. I have a hundred things I still have to do before school starts. I'll be back soon."

You better.

"I will, I promise."

Pressing his fingers to his lips, he kissed them and pressed his fingers to the cold stone.

"I'll see you later."

Keep that chin up, Sev.

He smiled. "I'll try."

Standing up, he took a step back and then turned and walked back down the path.

XXXXXX

'If I die before you do, I'll go to heaven and wait for you.

I'll give the angels back their wings and risk the loss of everything,

Just to prove that my friendship is true, and I have a friend just like you.'

- Anonymous

'Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there, I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that flow, I am the sunlight on my own grave. Do not stand at my grave and cry. I'm not there, I did not die.'

- 'Prayer' by Lizzie West

**End of Part II: Path of Shaded Light**

**(continued in Part III: Path of Twinkling Dusk)**


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